New Version: My Toes My Knees My Shoulders My Head
by Lapiz Sagana
Summary: Sakura, Shikamaru, and Sai thought they survived the ambush when they woke up in the ICU alive and whole. However, when Sakura identifies Shikamaru as her husband, the Hokage and her team are forced to acknowledge the possibility that there was more to the ambush than a mission gone wrong. Republished as perfect version.
1. Prologue

**Author's Note: Since it was first published in 2013, the circumstances of this fanfiction haven't adapted to the current revelations in the Manga. For the supporters of this fic I let down by removing this and abandoning the sequel, I'm making it up to you by reposting this new version and polishing it for the sequel. Thanks guys!**

 **Characters are not mine.**

* * *

 **My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Prologue**

 **Shikamaru:** Mother didn't have to, but she woke up at three in the morning to set the table and make breakfast for me. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate her effort; she had stayed up all night waiting for dad to come home from an inspection at a prison outside of Konoha, and the fruits of her exhaustion etched on her face like charcoal scratched on a newly made canvas. She didn't have to bother with me too.

"Still sleepy?" Mum coughed and chortled. "Same here."

I tore the toast bread in half and nibbled on the burnt piece. Mum excelled in burning bread. "How was dad's inspection? Bet he got himself drunk afterwards."

"Not last night, no." She offered me a plate of scrambled eggs and sat next to me on dad's chair. "He was tired – didn't really say if there was trouble in the prison. I could guess, though -" leaning forward to whisper "- that he got what he needed from the prisoner he interrogated."

"I thought it was an inspection?"

"You know he only says that when he's been tasked to hurt someone to get answers." She winked. "Twenty years of marriage makes it easy to hear what's true and what's not. Aren't you impressed with your mother? You must have inherited your cleverness from me!"

I tossed the sausage into my mouth and nodded. Mom had done everything to catch up with the Nara intellect, she deserved some credit. "You sure aren't freaked out that dad just came home from beating a prisoner into a bloody pulp."

The door slid aside and dad entered the kitchen, yawning without covering his mouth. "I was already a jounin when I met your mother, Shikamaru. She's used to it."

"You're up early," I said.

Suddenly, and all too unusually, Shikaku stopped to stare at me. His eyes lingered on my flak jacket, which hung on the backrest of mum's chair. "Going out on a mission again, huh?"

"Yeah, dad. You make me pay the water bill." I gulped down my coffee. "It's troublesome but I gotta work."

"Hey, come here."

I arched my eyebrow. Shikaku arched his eyebrow, too. I stood and approached him, hands on my waist. He flicked his forefinger on my forehead.

"Ow!"

"Come home," he said.

 **Sakura:** I squinted in the gloom and pushed Naruto out of the way of a descending staircase. "Hey, you volunteered to walk me to the gates, so do you mind keeping yourself awake enough to stay out of manholes? I need to preserve my chakra, you know."

Naruto circled his hand over his stomach; his neck jutted forward, his steps slow. "I'm sorry, Sakura. It's just that I'm dizzy from all the medicines you gave me." He winced when he glanced at me. "Are those tablets really for indigestion, or are you mad at me for something I did? 'Cause if I got you mad, you can tell me and I can just apologize. You don't have to poison me."

"I'm not trying to poison you!" I hissed. "You've got to take care of yourself more, do you understand? I'll be gone for at least a week and if you don't like going to pharmacies to buy your medicines, read the expiration date on the instant noodles you stock in your apartment!"

Naruto halted. His back straightened. His eyelids scrolled up.

I followed his gaze and saw the entrance of Konoha. The pavement leading out to the forest hid behind the black and blue of the early morning mist. Dark, I thought.

Looking again at Naruto, I marveled at how his eyes shone more vibrant than any color in our surroundings. They were beautiful. His light could bring Sasuke back; he could bring _me_ back even while my feet were but inches from his now. Naruto was a different kind of home I could always return to.

"I'm here first," I said, adjusting my travel bag behind me. "As always. Sai must be arriving soon."

"Sakura?"

"Yes?"

Naruto turned to face me, and he said, "Come home, okay?"

I gaped, and then I snickered. "Naruto, you're too paranoid."

 **Sai:** Shikamaru was the last to arrive. The mist was already lifting. Sakura and Shikamaru walked ahead on the path cemented by our ancestors, the original inhabitants of Konoha, to guide us, the new generation of ninjas, out of our homeland safely.

In the silence of the dawn, I looked back at the village we vowed to protect, and thought that if this path vanished, had anyone made another route leading home?


	2. Chapter One

**One**

 **Shikamaru**

I awoke to another dream – a dream that was all black, all emptiness, all sadness. I had treaded this water before, and I dreaded coming back another time. How often did I have to be here? How often did I have to sit on air and hide my eyes behind my hands in order to will my mind to some place brighter?

I realized, after waiting an eternity in this place, that I would do just that. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. I would see what this dream had to offer now.

As I was sitting cross-legged in this void, something solid hit the back of my head, causing me to plummet forward. Crouched on all fours, I winced and touched the throbbing area. Only hair. No wound. No bump. I fingered my scalp for anything wet, sniffed the air for the disgusting bite of iron, and found nothing.

The hairs on my arms stood, and I yanked my hand in front of me, my palm facing the empty space. The air hissed. I doubled backward at the impact of the object thrown at me. I could not see it, but with its roughness and deformity, I dared bet it was a rock.

I waited for another to come from either my right or my left. There was nothing. No signs, and I was relieved. Then something hit me – not another rock, but an idea.

Perhaps I could shed light to this dream.

I found the first rock and rubbed one against the other. Sparks made my fingers visible. Slowly, something sprouted beneath me. I felt for it. Grass. Pulling out two handfuls, I struck the rocks together and kindled a fire.

Laughter sounded across from me.

"Who's there?"

Grey clouds seeped out of the darkness. Those weren't from my fire, I realized.

The sting in my eyes told me exactly what it was: burning tobacco. I grinned. "In the afterlife and still smoking, Asuma?"

Another laughter. "You're here often. In a mess?"

"…You can say that. I was out on a mission."

"Tell me about it."

I didn't want to. "Something about a woman named Kana who requested for Sakura's aid in removing a malignant growth in her body. The Fifth made me come to study Kana's case and help Sakura, which was really tiring and useless because I know nothing of medicine except the basics. Sai came along. That guy's cool and weird. He rarely talks. I like him. Wish people shut up more like Sai does."

"So Konoha's busy?"

"Yeah. Everybody's coming and going." I leaned forward, wanting to glimpse his face. "How's it being dead?"

"It's…nice, in a weird manner," he said. "I see Kurenai and the baby in her stomach. I see Kakashi and Guy, and I constantly see you working rather than sleeping, which is a good thing, I think."

I scratched the back of my head. "It hurts to say, but we all learn, don't we? I just hope…"

"Hope what?"

"When I wake up…everything's fine."

"Why? What happened?"

"I think it's my fault."

A gush of wind blew from Asuma's corner, killing my little bonfire. I sat there, staring at where the fire used to be. No. Wait. Let me stay here for a while longer. "Asuma?"

In the distance, the butt of his cigarette burned bright and died.

" _Shikamaru Nara's awake!_ " cried a woman. "Call Lady Tsunade! _Quick!_ "

No. The remaining specks of orange light were disappearing. I called on Asuma.

Beyond this void, a door slammed.

 _Asuma_ , I screamed, _Pull me back to the dream_!

"Okay, Shikamaru, open your eyes."

Against my will, my eyelids rolled up, and the light struck me. I heard a man moan and belatedly realized it was only me. "Fifth?"

Two, blurred images of a blonde woman in pigtails nodded. "How are you feeling? Does your head still hurt?"

"Where…?" I squinted, and the moving heads merged into one, lucid person.

"We'll let the drug finish its job. Shizune, call me again in an hour. His vital signs are good." Lady Tsunade patted my hand. "In an hour. Please be ready. We have work to do."

"Sai…S-Sakura?"

She turned and left. I let out a deep breath and lifted my eyes to the clock on the wall in front of me. Five in the morning. Around my bed, people moved. One was Shizune, who wouldn't answer any of my questions. The other one…I didn't know him.

Before I could even curse the hospital for its stench, Lady Tsunade came back, and I was no longer breaking the surface of a turbulent river. My vision cleared. My mind cleared. My speech cleared.

"Where's Sakura and Sai? Why am I in intensive care?" I panted, heaving my head from the pillow to see the rest of the room. Questions swirled in my brain. To the left, thirty-seven scrolls lay across a rectangular metal table: twenty-eight open and nineteen sealed. To the right, green and red lights flickered on a machine that interpreted the signals it received through the wires connected to my body.

My body. The wires nipped and tangled themselves from my toes, my knees, my shoulders, and my head.

"One by one, Shikamaru." She motioned to someone behind the curtains as she sat on the stool beside my bed. Shikaku came around, his face rigid until he saw I was breathing.

For an aged and clever shinobi, I thought, he couldn't even tell that the Fifth wouldn't be talking to a dead man. Of course I was alive, dad. Thank you.

He went to the other side of my bed and folded his arms across his chest. " _Your_ _mother_ nearly killed me, you know? Lady Tsunade had to stop by our house to get her to calm down."

"I'm glad you're alive too, dad," I mumbled. If mom hadn't killed him, then _I_ was her target.

Shikaku exhaled quietly and glimpsed the Fifth.

Lady Tsunade smiled faintly. "I've sent someone to reassure her because you won't be going anywhere for a while. We need you to answer some questions - check for some difficulties and trauma. Will that be okay with you?"

Trauma. I looked at dad. "Is this standard procedure for victims of unknown jutsus? Because if it is, I can tell you that what you saw where you found us was a rebirth jutsu – and no, I wasn't the target, so nothing's wrong with me. I'm perfectly fine."

"So you remember the mission?" Lady Tsunade said. "And the incident?"

I swallowed. "Yes. I told you I'm fine."

Shikaku shifted his weight to his other leg. He opened a folder containing several papers. "Standard procedure, Shikamaru. We have to proceed with this and confirm you're…identity before we can enlighten you of what's happening." He grabbed a chair, angled the metal table towards my bed, and sat behind it with the papers spread before him and the scrolls pushed to one side.

His scar twitched. I frowned. "Are those pictures?"

"Answer each one of our questions correctly and you're okay," he said. He lifted the first of several photographs. "What is the name of this person and your relation to her?"

"That's mom…" I said, slowly, taking my time to consider her face before speaking again. "Probably just months after I was born. You said she never cut her hair that short again once you guys had me."

Next. "That's you, dad, and you look weird without the scar. Why did you choose that photo?"

Next. "Choji: Classmate, teammate, friend, partner in crime – we used to skip class together."

Next. "Ino: teammate, friend – scolds me for appreciating the clouds."

He hesitated, stared at the next picture for two seconds, and then showed it to me.

I rubbed my forehead. The face of this man, I hadn't seen in my dream earlier, but he would always be in my memories. "Asuma," I answered. "Team Captain. He's dead. Killed by an Akatsuki. Who's next?"

For one long hour, the faces passed and blurred. I knew them, knew my relation to each one, knew everything there was I ever shared with them. They should stop. I was fine.

Then came Sai's picture.

Lady Tsunade crossed her legs and slouched, her upper body slanted towards me.

I pretended not to notice the anticipation of her pose and concentrated instead on ordering my words. "Teammate in my last mission. He's quiet and awkward but a good companion. He draws very well. Yeah, I'm sure of that."

Shikaku nodded and raised a picture of Sakura. I groaned on impulse. "The Fifth's apprentice, medic, Naruto's long-time infatuation, Ino's best friend and worst enemy, and my partner in my last mission which, nobody bothers to tell me about."

The adults exchanged a look and made a tacit agreement. Lady Tsunade pressed two of her fingers on the inside of my wrist. "Your pulse rate is normal - that's a good sign," she said. "Shikamaru, your dad isn't simply here to check on you; I've assigned him to head the investigation on your mission. You've passed the first stage of observation, and I believe you can help us by cooperating in this interrogation. Or do you need time to rest your mind?"

"What for? Where's Sakura and Sai?"

"They're in the other rooms – intensive care like you, and they're all recovering well," he said. "I'm sorry we have to do it so soon - you must be confused. Let me recount to you what happened, Shikamaru. You, together with Sakura Haruno and Sai, were sent out on a mission-"

"To cure Kana Fujiwaka and gather information about her disease, I know."

"But instead you fell into her trap." He lowered his voice. "Two ANBUs led by Kakashi rescued you in a cave near the border of the Fire Country. Kana Fujiwaka and an unidentified man were found dead. Sai lost consciousness near the dead man, and his eagle led our rescue team to the depths of the cave. You were floating on a big pond with Sakura covered in a white cloth, wrapped in your arms, while a dead Kana drifted nearby, naked. Kakashi copied the symbols around the pond with his sharingan and we deciphered it as some kind of forbidden jutsu. Shikamaru, what happened in the cave?"

Flashes of pink hair and blood, staccato raps at the back of my head…I motioned for him to help me sit up. "Rebirth Jutsu, like Orochimaru's, although less complicated. I've had little time to work it all out before Sai and I were forced into action. First thing Kana was kidnapped and Sakura came after the kidnapper, Sai finds this hut packed with scrolls on theories of rebirth, we break into a room covered with pictures of Kana, Sakura, and the kidnapper, and the next thing I know I'm trying to save a life. Trying to save all of us, actually."

"Pictures of Sakura in a house?" asked Lady Tsunade. She had this motherly air, all of a sudden, like when I went home with a fractured left leg and mum only stared at me before yelling for dad, who looked at my injury once and said, 'You're not gonna die, son. C'mon, let's take your mum to the hospital.'

I shouldn't be surprised. The Fifth was old enough to have grandchildren, after all. "Ask Kakashi," I said. "Sakura said she's met this Kana once in a mission with Team Seven. Kana was very fond of her. If you ask me, they've been on her since and that request to be cured was their chance to finally grab her."

"A vessel," Lady Tsunade concluded.

"Can you identify the man with Kana?"

The images in my head hazed and slipped from my grasp. Kana said something before she died. I remembered a gold band around her finger. "Her husband. Ryo. He's her husband. Maybe."

"The kidnapper?"

"Yeah, Ryo is the kidnapper. Kana said something before she died and I took Sakura to safety, but I can't recall _what_ exactly. I'm just sure they're married."

Shikaku jotted this down. "What happened in the cave, then?" he said.

"The cave…" A chill coursed throughout my body. "It-it all ready started when Sai and I arrived – the ceremony for the rebirth jutsu had already commenced. In the middle of the pond, Kana and Sakura lay naked and unconscious. They floated opposite each other, their fingers touching, their wrists bound by a cord. They were sinking into the water. Sai attacked Ryo, which slowed the jutsu, but the seal around the pond was still functioning. I painted a seal around it with my blood - anything to redirect its course. When it was safe…when it was safe and Ryo was nearly dead, I jumped in with the cloth and took Sakura, but the cord pulled Kana along. Ryo's jutsu had a reaction, some kind of electric force that put Sakura in a brief seizure. I cut the cord with my kunai and-" I blinked. I put my hand on my temple.

Lady Tsunade transferred to the edge of my bed, scrutinizing my face. "What's wrong, Shikamaru?"

"I don't." The dream. The emptiness. I gritted my teeth and shook my head. "I'm blank. Something happened. The last thing I remember is swimming to shore." I turned to Shikaku. "How long was I out?"

Lady Tsunade snatched my prognosis sheet from the foot of the bed. "You've been unconscious for a week and five hours exactly. Just a bump on your head and burns on your arms."

"A week? What the-and that's all the injury I have? Why was I asleep for a week?"

"It's the jutsu. The blood seal you made around the seal of the rebirth jutsu – we studied it with Kakashi's help – and theorized that it reacted like opposite poles of a magnet and infected your chakra." She loosened the bandage around my arms. "It's like pouring a newly discovered chemical on fire. The worst we could think of was a new kind of chakra-consuming virus, but it didn't come to that. In the end, you just lost all your chakra and blocked fifty of your channels - thirty of which were connected to major channels. Thank Neji Hyuuga for assisting us; his directions on where to poke the needles were accurate."

Shikaku shrugged. "You nearly ended up in a coma, that's all."

My left arm's flesh mirrored a bird's eye view of Konoha, complete with protruding blue nerves for rivers and brown and green bruises for the mountains and trees. A burnt Konoha, to be precise.

I sighed. "You can at least pretend a coma is serious, dad."

"Your mom is serious," he said. "But really, I was worried."

"He was," she agreed.

"I'll pretend I'm convinced. How are the others, exactly?"

The curtain bordering the intensive care unit in half swung apart, revealing Shizune. "Sakura Haruno's awake!"

The Fifth jumped like somebody just shouted in her ears that her dead daughter was actually alive, and she grumbled something along the lines of 'be right back' and 'wait here, don't move' before she sprinted out.

I clenched the blanket. The door was not too far. "Take me along."

Shikaku gathered the photographs back inside the folder. "Shikamaru, this is more serious than you're treating it. You need rest. I need to interrogate Sakura. Please don't make this any more difficult for your father." He fished in his pocket and tossed me a rubber band. "Tie your hair up if you can. You look like a clown."

Indeed, I was alive. If I was in heaven...well, I didn't think dad would go there with how much alcohol he consumed on non-working days. Then again, he was my dad. With all this stress building in my head, I was glad he came to annoy me.

Oh, and thank you too, Asuma.

I spent the next hour thinking, remembering, retracing, and was successful. It was my fault, but I couldn't admit it earlier. It never occurred to me to confess. Sakura and I had a fight over the plan - over each other's credibility - and I could have literally pushed her to rescue Kana in order to prove me wrong.

It was my fault, why she lied there cold and stark white.

It was my fault, why Sai had to compromise to save me.

It felt like years, the day I promised I would never put the lives of my teammates in that kind of danger again. Choji and Neji nearly died because of my own lack of discipline and leadership skills. Now, older and more experienced, I was no better from the kid I was during our attempt to bring Sasuke back.

 _An argument with a girl, Shikamaru._ I coiled under the blanket. I really had to argue with her, didn't I?

 _Asuma, if you see either one of Sai or Sakura, please kick them back to Earth._

Another hour passed. No one came back. I braved myself to remove all the needles attached to my limbs. Once free, I tiptoed to the division and lay flat on my stomach in order to peer beyond the stretch of cloth. My eyes climbed the length of a nurse's leg and to his drooling mouth. His head lay on the table, the ink of his pen spilling over his notebook.

I pushed my body off the floor and folded my legs up in order to achieve a crouching position. Once there, I allowed myself a minute to steady my breathing. I checked the corners of the room for a hidden camera and felt dumb after seeing none. There was a reason they called it 'hidden'. I didn't have the stamina to check for any concealing jutsu. The best I could do was hope there were none and no one saw my humiliating attempt at spying.

Even the legendary genin could shame me in a walking contest.

I inched upwards, supporting my weight by keeping my hands pressed on my knees. Successful, I took a deep breath and straightened my back. I limped past the division, past the drooling nurse, and slipped through the gap of the door.

Kakashi stepped in front of me. "Escaping?"

"Breathing," I grunted. "Where's Sakura? "

He tucked his hands in his pockets. No Icha Icha books. No 'Yo'.

"You're not allowed to see her yet. It would help if you get back to bed and recover so you can be of use to the investigation team."

"I'm good now. I can help now."

"Shikamaru," he said. "The damage is in your chakra channels. Shikaku's spent every day and night watching over your progress, collecting every ingredient needed to melt the frozen chakra clogging your pathways. He's stumbled over ancient medicinal scrolls to help Shizune and he constantly lies to your mother to spare her. The most help you can do is to recover."

I bowed my head. For father to sacrifice a night of sleep for me must be serious; seven nights must mean dad was a saint now. "I'm sorry," I said. "It's just that it's getting to me. I wake up and the first thing they do is show me the faces of every person I know and ask if I recognize them. If they're in such a hurry, it means something grave has happened that you're not telling me… _and I need to know_."

"You will know when the Hokage says you can."

The need to be informed pinched my gut. I felt like throwing up.

He opened the door of intensive care for me. "Get inside. Isas there will get fired for dozing off and letting you out."

"I put Sakura in danger. I'm sorry, Kakashi," I said, certain it would buy me more time away from the stench of antiseptic inside that room. "And thank you for rescuing us."

"Don't be sorry," he said. "Learn from it. Besides, I am responsible for all of this. I was Team Seven's leader, and I overlooked a potential threat to one of my students."This was beyond your abilities, anyway. You all did good despite the ambush."

"It's not enough." I leaned on the wall. My body weighed twice it used to.

"This happens. Accidents happen. That's why we became ninjas. We survive what others cannot."

It was never my intention to become a shinobi. A Higher Being predestined this for me. "I dreamt of Asuma."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Did you talk? Does he still smoke?"

"Maybe I almost died, that's why I saw him," I said. "Seemed pretty real. Yeah, he still smokes. He said he…sees Kurenai and the baby and Guy and you and me. "

Kakashi chuckled. "If he were here, he'd light a cigarette and pace outside intensive care. He'd have been there to save you."

"Maybe he _did_ save me." I rubbed the back of my head and found a bump. "He threw two rocks at me, made me start a fire. I told him I did something wrong. Never got to confess what, though."

"Shikamaru," he called, as if I were standing at a distance. "Sakura will be fine. You saved her. I saw what you did. Thank you. Naruto will probably say thank you, too. The Hokage sent him on a mission to ease his mind."

On the other end of the hall, Shizune burst from the door and stopped when she saw us. I froze, knowing what was to come.

"Shikamaru Nara!"

"Shikamaru?" echoed a soft voice.

Shizune moved aside to let someone through. Wheels squeaked. Sakura came into view. I pushed myself off the wall, watching as Lady Tsunade steered the wheelchair she sat on. Shikaku trailed behind them. He wiped the sweat in the hollow of his scars.

Something was wrong. Lady Tsunade's stare vitrified my bones. Sakura smiled at me.

"How's she?" I asked the Hokage.

Sakura leapt from her wheelchair, her hospital gown swaying. She waddled towards me but no one bothered to help her. They watched. I reached for her and seized her shoulders.

"Take it easy!" I examined her complexion, her hair, her eyes, and her lips. I asked myself if anything seemed amiss with her. "How are you?"

She scowled. "I'm not the one walking limp, Shikamaru."

"Sakura, you should-"

"They told me what happened." She sniffled and threw her arms around me. "Thank God you're safe!"

Behind her mess of pink hair, I raised my eyebrows at our audience. Kakashi transferred his gaze to Shikaku, also wondering. No one hinted an explanation.

"S-Sakura? Are you alright?"

She craned her neck to nod. "C'mon, where are you hurt? I'll heal you."

"Lady Tsunade, what-?"

"Your arm!" Sakura hoisted my arm. Her mouth was agape, about to scold, when suddenly she snapped her head up at me. "You're not wearing your ring, Shikamaru."

"Ring?" I said.

She dropped my arm.

I flinched, bending to my knees to restrain the weakness that was overwhelming my legs. "What's your problem?"

"Do you always have to lose it or misplace it, Shikamaru?" She scratched her back. "Fifteen years, this has been our problem! Do you ever see me lose mine? Better yet, have you ever seen me without it?" She shoved her left hand to my face.

"What ring?" I yapped. "Will somebody explain to me what's happening?"

Sakura gasped and withdrew her empty hand. "Where's my ring? _I never lose our wedding ring!_ "

"W-wedding ring?"

Sakura scratched her back, infuriated.


	3. Chapter Two

**Two**

 **Shikaku**

Seven days and seven nights, all I had of my son was the rubber-band his mother made him. It was weaved from the fibers of a plant that only grew on Nara soil, and before Shikamaru was born we had gone to our family forest and created a hundred for him.

At age sixteen, Shikamaru had never broken one.

I had stretched and worn the rubber band over my own while waiting for reports from Shizune. I had stared at it while drinking my coffee at two o'clock in the morning. I had rubbed it between my thumb and forefinger while praying that, by some miracle, Shikamaru would wake up the same.

When, finally, Shizune tapped on my shoulder and said, 'he's awake, sir', a trickle of water oozed from the inner corner of my left eye and skated down my nose. The teardrop ran down my upper lip and fell on my tongue. Surprisingly, it was sweet.

Lady Tsunade had entered and left the intensive care unit so quickly, I thought she only came out to tell me that my son had died. Instead, she smiled, sighed, and said, "Shikamaru's still high on the drug. Let's wait an hour, and then you can see him. Don't worry, Shikaku, your son is a strong man like you. An hour and we'll start his interrogation."

All I could do was bob my head and hold myself upright like the man she described me to be. Once she had turned the corner of the hallway, I bent to my knees and pressed my hand to my face.

Shikamaru was alive.

The relief that befell me when I first saw him was stronger. Thinner, paler, sadder…but he was alive. Our eyes met, and his gaze was so similar to the time he came home with his first serious injury. Yoshino yelled for me, and Shikamaru laid out his fractured leg for me to scrutinize and he said, 'dad, this really hurts.' I had replied that it wasn't going to kill him, and that we should bring his mother to the hospital instead.

Right there and then I saw my little boy, laying out all his injuries, although now he was telling me, 'hey, dad, It's troublesome, but I think I'll live through this. What a pain.'

This sensation I felt, akin to when he was born and he slobbered on my face for the first time, assured me that despite the many facts presented during our initial investigation that persuaded us he would have abnormalities upon waking, my Shikamaru was the same.

On the day their team was brought back to Konoha, Kakashi had come to me with a sketch of all the seals he had copied using his Sharingan.

"I've never seen anything like this before," he had told me.

It had taken thirteen hours for the Hokage and my team to check all scrolls and come up with a sensible theory on the seals in the cave, and all they had in common was the motive of reincarnation through a vessel. I had checked and rechecked the elements transcribed in the seals, hoping they would change and I could tell them we had concluded wrongly, but my eyes would not lie. I simply could not accept someone could take away my only son apart from death.

My worries proved futile; with every correct answer Shikamaru gave as I showed him one photo after another, it was obvious our theories did not apply to him.

The trouble of it all did not begin until Sakura Haruno woke up. Before marching to our next interrogation, I took Shikamaru's rubber band from my pocket and tossed it to him. Good thing I removed it from my hair before coming in; I wouldn't want my son to think I was being sentimental. He would speculate it was only either because I was drunk or I was old.

I wasn't old.

While the Hokage and I waited for the go signal to enter Sakura's intensive care unit, she tapped her foot and checked the clock overhead like an academy student waiting for the annual marathon to begin. "You can smile," she said. "I'm happy Shikamaru's alive."

"If my loaf of a son is alive and well," I said, "I'm sure your apprentice is as well. Maybe even better."

The intensive care unit that contained Sakura made me shiver. Machines lined the divider between the medic's station and the patient's quarters. They beeped in the background in a continual reminder that every little detail about her health was under monitored and under control. Inoichi was convinced they were all the Hokage heard sometimes. She was here every day, but it seemed to him that she still spent her first few seconds inside engulfed in shock.

If a veteran medical kunoichi was appalled by this, I could not imagine how Yoshino could cope had this been Shikamaru's unit.

I walked around with Shizune's supervision and she explained the scripts they combined in order to form the seals which they painted in black ink on the floor and on the walls. These had not been used since the Third ordered Orochimaru's research to be concealed permanently.

With the cooperation of four senior medics, they reduced the vortex of scripts into a spiral surrounding Sakura's bed. They allowed us to come near.

"Okay." Lady Tsunade removed her green robe and marched past the division.

Sakura hefted herself to her elbows and browsed her environment with half-open eyes. Her complexion struck me as too pale, but I was sure in her case the doctors would classify that as normal.

"How are you feeling?" The Fifth sat on the edge of the mattress. "Sakura?"

"I'm dizzy…oh, Shika-" She blinked at me and nodded once. "Hello. Where's Shikamaru and Sai?"

Good, I thought. If she had the sense to worry, it meant she knew something went wrong. We interrogated her slowly, in a slightly different manner than we did with Shikamaru. She took longer to respond after seeing the photographs of her friends but she answered each one correctly.

I revealed Sai's picture.

Sakura glimpsed me, then Lady Tsunade. "I've never seen him before."

"Look again."

She arched her neck, chewing her bottom lip. "Wait…It's Sai. It's Sai. I'm sorry, I must have been…confused for a moment. I went out on a mission with him, but previously and more often, we're with Captain Yamato and Naruto. Who's next?"

I flicked up the last photograph. "Do you know who this is?"

Sakura reached for her back and scratched it. "Shikamaru Nara, your son. He was my partner in the mission we were last in."

Nothing was wrong, the Hokage and I were convinced. Shikamaru and Sakura recognized their family, their friends, their teachers, and their superiors in Konoha.

Lady Tsunade briefed her on the ambush, and we drifted to the interrogation at her pace. I could not blame her. She could deny it all she wanted, but to her, Sakura was more than an apprentice.

"And what happened when you found out Kana was kidnapped?"

"I searched for Shikamaru and Sai."

"Then?" I asked. Her recollections were more detailed than Shikamaru's.

Sakura stared at me, as though waiting for me to give her the answers. "Well, I told them that Kana's lover, Ryo, took her and promised he was going to be with her."

"Ryo is only a lover?"

"Yes, Kana told me herself," she said. "Ryo and Kana met when they were eleven – they were training under a former ANBU squad leader called…ah, I can't remember. You must know, Lady Tsunade; it was supposedly under the Fourth's rule that children falling under a certain category and passing certain qualifications were trained in this program."

The Fifth's posture stiffened. She looked at me through the corner of her eye. "What did Kana say this program's goal was?"

"…Penetration? A spy in every hidden village to warn us of a plot against Konoha? Something like that."

I studied Sakura: the slight crease of her brow, the tilt of her head, the pitch of her voice, the twitch of her wrists while she gestured.

"And this Kana and Ryo were students in that program?" asked the Fifth.

"But Ryo was against it, believing Konoha separated them from their parents and made them believe lies while growing up," she explained. "Kana tried to stop him from leaving but failed. Around ten years later, the day I was preparing her body for the stress of the operation using a triangular seal, Ryo returned for her. He attacked me, accused me of attempting to murder Kana, and asked her to leave with him. Kana agreed, but I assumed she only did so to try and pull him back to his senses. Once I had regained control of my body, I ran out to find Shikamaru and Sai."

"Did Ryo tell you where they were headed?"

"There's a seal I put on our wrists so she can draw chakra from me during the operation, assuring her stability and my control of the energy she releases." Sakura showed us her wrist.

"You altered it without consulting me?" Lady Tsunade inspected the seal, grazing her thumb across the faded ink. "If her disease turned out to be viral, you could have died!"

"I increased her chances of her survival by three percent!" she said. "Besides, Kana has a background on medicine. She's tried it out before. When I painted this on us, I felt the seal was working fine. That's how I found her."

Lady Tsunade paced the room, holding her forehead.

I understood her frustration. If we shared the same understanding, that program was as ticking time bomb. Anything Kana persuaded her into doing or taking could have been a fatal assault.

I proceeded to question her so as to divert her attention from the Hokage. "What was Shikamaru's plan of action?"

Sakura paled. "We argued about it, I think, right after he ordered Sai to ask for back-up as quickly as possible. Why we argued, I still can't recall, but I…I'm sorry. I went out by myself and found Kana in the cave. That's as much as I remember. Although, there were things in my dreams that bothered me. Like…I don't know if this happened, but I was in water, cold, naked, and I was calling out to someone and when I opened my eyes to search, I saw Shikamaru. By the way, where is he?"

I didn't feel right that moment and I immediately stopped from rearranging the photos and notes in the folder. Her tone suggested something different, implemented something more sentimental; hence I averted the subject to see her reaction. "Shikamaru's okay. Sai is in the next room. He's recovering, but it might take another day before he wakes. Would you like to see Sai?"

Sakura blinked at me. "Yes, Shizune told me about Sai, but I want to know where Shikamaru is. Is he all right? Is he awake yet?"

Lady Tsunade finally ceased pacing. "Sakura, we'll inform you all about their condition later. Right now, I want to know if there's anything out of normal in your body. You were badly injured, and –"

"Please!" Sakura scratched her back some more. "Why won't you answer my questions now? How is Shikamaru? Is he alive? Is he awake yet? Can't I see my husband yet?"

I fell back down on my way up from the chair. My initial thought was to dislocate Shikamaru's fingers, but the better half of me could not believe my son would do such a stupid thing as to marry without my blessing.

Silence spilled into the room while oxygen oozed out. Nobody moved. We all stared.

I stared harder at Sakura, and the credence in her expression burdened my soul.

"Your husband?" Lady Tsunade repeated to Sakura.

Sakura and I looked at each other again; she had the decency to lower her head. "Why does it feel as though nobody knows? We've been married for fifteen years."

She was only sixteen, I reminded myself. Without warning, Lady Tsunade yanked my arm down and put her mouth next to my ear. "Let's see where this goes."

The worse we had expected was Shikamaru identifying Sakura as his wife. They were both in the pond circled by a forbidden jutsu and restrained by an untested blood seal. Perhaps the effect on Shikamaru was delayed, but there all the same, as was the case when Sakura recognized him only as my son in the beginning and then claimed he was her husband just forty-eight minutes later.

While I lowered her to a wheelchair, I realized with a jolt that this young woman was the person my son risked his life for. A thousand pointed ideas resurrected my migraines, and I distanced myself from her while she was being prepared to leave intensive care.

There had to be a more logical explanation.

"Did they share a romantic relationship beforehand or is this simply the result of a faulty rebirth jutsu?" Lady Tsunade asked. The bite in her intonation impaired my eardrums.

"It could be either," I hated to admit.

She hugged herself, unconscious of the faces she was making. "Didn't Shikamaru hint anything relating to her or…wait, don't answer that. Knowing him, he would have let you figure it out on your own."

"I know my son," I said. "I know him."

As we walked out intensive care and saw Shikamaru talking to Kakashi, I vouched this was the rebirth jutsu's doing.

We approached him. He saw us.

Then those two young shinobis shared a few seconds when it was as if only they existed in this hall. I recognized the relief on his face as a mirror image of mine sixteen years ago, after the Kyuubi attacked Konoha and I searched for my wife and found her, with our baby still in her arms.

The horror and guilt that mixed and sank in his visage while Sakura clung to him was so apparent, I saw all the hints without trying. I saw him accept her embrace. I saw his confusion when none of us spoke. I saw his worry over this girl.

The notion that I failed as a father - that I failed to recognize my son had grown up - weighed on me. Maybe he did not marry her but he did share something special with her, and I didn't know.

Sakura's outburst brought me back to the present.

"Where's my ring? I never lose our wedding ring!"

"W-wedding ring?" Shikamaru spat.

Sakura scratched her back.

Lady Tsunade twisted the steel of the wheelchair's backrest into a helix. "Shikaku, do you see the tattoo on the base of her back? _Take a good look at it._ Call three of our best ANBUs. We'll have to contain her."


	4. Chapter Three

**Three**

 **Shikamaru**

Three ANBUs sat cross-legged around the quarantine room separate from the hospital. Lady Tsunade stood beside Shikaku, nodding her head. "That's fine. Perfect," she announced.

I pushed my head back, pressing it against the wall until the cold seeped into my scalp. Numb. I needed to be numb. The gloom in this underground containment area eased me back into my reverie of Asuma and the bonfire.

Had I not been salvaged, would I be smoking cigar with him? Would I be watching them from above, detesting this tunnel, the ancient characters they painted on Sakura, the friction in the air, the sparse lighting, and the fact that if I were gone, I would have no chance to redress this?

"Son," called Shikaku.

My eyes shot open so wide they hurt. Oh no. Dad only addressed me as such in public when he needed to be a concerned father. By concerned father, he meant I had done something incredibly stupid behind his back that needed a talk down. "What?" I said.

He loomed over me, his gaze piercing, his scar twitching. "We need to talk."

"No, dad, I didn't marry Sakura while we were in this mission, and no, dad, I didn't marry her fifteen years ago when I was still a crawling, drooling, brainless baby." I buried my face in my hands, willing my palm to absorb the heat in my face.

He sighed. "I know, son. I know. All I've been meaning to ask is if…you have something romantic going on with Sakura."

This wasn't happening. I heard her voice; I heard my voice; our voices, rising above each other's. "Nothing. The only boy in her head is Sasuke. I never had an interest in her, and even if I had and tried to compete with her obsession with Sasuke, I never could have won." I looked up at him. "It's the rebirth jutsu. It might have short-circuited something in her brain. I don't know. There must be a way to correct this."

"Shikamaru." Lady Tsunade struggled to ease the muscles in her fists. "Relax. This isn't your fault. You saved her life."

Her words nipped the nerves in my brain. I shut my eyes. She must resent her self-control. I would have allowed her to punch me if she requested it.

"I'll bring him back to his room." Shikaku patted my shoulder and I nodded over and over.

The last thing I felt was dad lifting me in his arms and telling me to sleep.

I saw my young self. No more darkness, no more rocks, no more Asuma.

A five-year old me ran across our garden and hung like a monkey on Shikaku's leg. No wrinkles on his forehead yet, I noticed. He picked me up and dusted off the grass on my hair.

"Hey, didn't I tell you to use the rubber band mama made you?" He pinched my cheek – the younger Shikamaru's cheek.

I ignored his question and traced the scar across his face with my fat, little finger. "Does it hurt, dad?"

He smiled sadly. "Nah. Not anymore. During winter it throbs, or when it's extremely cold."

I kissed his scar. Leaves drizzled on us, and the garden was green and lovely. Mom should not have napped that afternoon; she missed a stunning sight.

"What's that for?" Shikaku laughed.

"So it won't hurt," I said.

While I watched this projection from the past, I felt something touch my forehead. In the middle, warmth was subsiding. This invasion from reality hazed my dream. I sniffed the air. That perfume. I groaned, and the vision died in the fog of consciousness. "Ino? …Is that you?"

There was a sob. "Hey."

A smile crept up my lips at the sound of her voice. "Hey. Are you allowed in here?"

"Dad's with Lady Tsunade and your father," she said. "Shikamaru, what are they doing to Sakura?"

I opened my eyes slowly and saw her gasp and smile. "It's nice to see you," she cooed.

"It's…It's nice to see you too." I told the truth. She wasn't in her usual purple mid-drift; today, she sported a loose, orange dress. 'Sunshine' was the first word that came to mind. Ino felt like sunshine.

She bent on her waist and pressed her face against my left palm. The burns ached where her tears fell but I didn't mind.

"When dad said I could come along to see you, I dropped my nail polish and raced him to the hospital!"

"That's flattering, Ino. Did anybody see your unfinished nail art?"

"I'm serious, Shikamaru!" She raised her head slightly, pouting. "You were in intensive care for one week! I come home from fetching two injured genins, tired and fed up with arrogant children, and dad tells me over breakfast that you're in intensive care!"

I craned my neck to the right. The pillow caressed my cheek. "Gee," I muttered.

" _Gee_?" Her brows drooped over her eyes. She glowered at me. "What is that supposed to mean, huh?"

I covered my eyes with my forearm. "I don't know. Maybe it means 'thank you' when I can't think of anything else to say and 'sorry' when it's my fault that Sakura…"

"Shikamaru? A-are you crying?"

"No."

"What's with Sakura?"

I would have preferred having Choji over instead of Ino. He wouldn't have asked for details, would have just sat there and ate like he was the one ridden of decent food for days. I didn't want to make a confession, yet with Ino I had no choice. I told her, maybe because the truth was even if she annoyed me, I trusted her more than I dared allow myself to. She didn't mock me for crying. She accepted men were human.

So I told her my best account of the mission, and she was silent. "…What did you argue about, exactly?" she said.

"I had a plan. The plan was to wait for back-up. I didn't want to make a move and risk everybody like she did because it was only when Kana was kidnapped that she told me the kidnapper was actually Kana's lover. Worse, when we reached the cave, I realized Kana and Ryo were already married. Their story must have reminded Sakura of what happened between Sasuke and her. I said some nasty things I never thought I could say, just so she wouldn't rescue Kana on her own. She believed it could all end well, without needing to harm either of them or their relationship. I was convinced otherwise. She went out to prove me wrong."

The mattress sighed. The tip of Ino's hair tickled my skin. "Sounds like something Sakura would do."

"Dad asked if she and I were romantically involved."

"What?"

"Of course he would think the adverse effect of the rebirth jutsu altered something in us that was present beforehand." I slid my arm over my head, choosing to stare at the ceiling instead than to witness her reaction. "It could have been possible if we were infatuated but we weren't. I feel like it's on the tip of my tongue, but I can't begin to explain why she suddenly thinks she and I are married."

"For fifteen years, right?"

"Fifteen years. When I was fifteen, I…"

"Shikamaru," she said, softly, shifting her angle, crossing and uncrossing her legs. "It's all right. You can tell me if you like Sakura. In fact, it would help clear my mind."

"Clear your mind?"

Ino jerked. "I-I mean the case! The investigation! Right! You can tell me."

I tugged at her hand, and she bit her bottom lip. "Do you think I like her?" I said.

"Well, it depends," she croaked. "You're freaked out but you're concerned and then you're guilty and I can't decide what really is going on with everything you told me."

"I don't like Sakura. Not romantically, anyway." I tugged at her hand again, wishing she would look down at me and see I was serious. "Do you want Naruto to kill me? Being friends with him is troublesome enough. How can I stand being a rival?"

Finally, she turned, and we gaped at each other.

Red ascended on her face. I, too, felt my face burn.

We laughed.

Ino had to leave. She embraced me lightly, whispered a prayer, and waved goodbye. I wanted to point out that she was also a medic and she could assist in keeping me alive for the sake of my sanity, but remembered how clumsy she was with medical paraphernalia. That moment, however, while I watched her walk out of intensive care, I believed I wouldn't mind if she killed me because of a careless mistake. At least it was by her hands. I wouldn't bear a grudge.

After two hours and twenty-two minutes, Inoichi and Shikaku came to tell me what had been happening in Sakura's quarantine room.

"We did another interrogation, matching your story with hers and tracing them to the evidences we have gathered in the cave." Shikaku flipped a page on the open folder he held. "On her account, Ryo is only a lover."

"She didn't see the wedding rings," I insisted. "Sakura was the target. The stories they told her were invented to persuade her of their cause – to gain her sympathy."

"And both of you had an argument," Inoichi said, silencing me.

Shikaku propped his elbow on the monitoring machine and stooped low enough so our heads were next to each other. "Son, we need to know everything. What was it you were arguing about with Sakura Haruno before she went on her own to rescue Kana?"

Something inside me looped down the abyss of shame. I hoped dad knew without needing to ask me. Looking him in the eyes, I whispered, "I was angry because she wouldn't listen and I was afraid she'd risk us all…I told her that…even if she tried to, she couldn't save Kana on her own… just like she couldn't do anything to bring Sasuke back."

Shikaku watched me for a moment, perhaps wondering how his own blood could be so cruel, but he said nothing as he scribbled on the papers in his folder.

"I never got to apologize." I clenched the blanket, saw my knuckles turn white. "It's my fault this happened to us."

"Well, she doesn't remember it, Shikamaru," he said. "You can't upset her now. She can't be upset by anything no matter what."

"Why?"

"There's a tattoo on her back shaped like a seed." Inoichi showed me a sketch. He turned the page. "After your confrontation about your missing wedding rings, the seed – it sprouted. Now it looks like this, and with every passing minute that we reject her idea that you're her husband, the seed grows."

"Lady Tsunade thinks it's the design of the rebirth jutsu, only it feeds on her uncertainty," Shikaku said. "We don't know why, of all people, she thinks you're her husband while you do not share that inclination, but at worst we're expecting her to start developing Kana's memories."

They hadn't said it, but I heard it anyway. "And you're convinced I might develop something later on?"

He dragged a bag from behind the annoying beeping machine and tossed it at my feet. "We'll never know, Shikamaru, but we have to be careful."

"Dad, it didn't affect me."

Shikaku nodded once and continued to scrape his pen against his pad.

"And you'd have me pretend to be her husband to delay the completion of the jutsu, correct?"

He and Inoichi nodded together.

"So basically, we all have to play along and make her as happy as possible." I hoped dad would respond differently, hoped he would lash out on me if he was angry or cry if he was disappointed at me.

 _Anything but silence, dad._

Shikaku opened the upper pocket of his vest and flicked a ring at me. "That's mine. I'll lend it to you until we can get the ones Kana and Ryo had. My team is not finished with their bodies yet. Are you ready?"

"What do I do?"

He pulled the quilt from over my legs and prodded me to get up. "Get Sakura to spill how much memory of Ryo she's merging with her memory of you."

"It might be more than just her memories of Ryo if the rebirth immediately had her recognize me as her spouse."

"Elaborate, Shikamaru."

"Kana once tried to stop Ryo from leaving the program, and Sakura once tried to stop Sasuke from leaving Konoha." I balled my hand over my mouth and coughed. "The rebirth ceremony was never completed, so something else aided her misconception of me as her spouse. The nearest and most probable explanation would be the semblance of Kana's story to hers, only Ryo returned and married Kana. Now, Sakura, through a ploy unexplainable as of yet, is recognizing me as her husband."

Shikaku stroked his beard. "You hypothesized this based on your argument with Sakura."

"We were never in love and she practically hated me when she disbanded from Sai and me in order to rescue Kana, so there must be an alternative reason to her madness," I said.

Inoichi looked up from his tablet. "Madness?"

I rolled my eyes. "Misconception, sir. Her misconception that I married her as a vomiting infant in some mini church a priest carpentered for special cases like ours who insists to be married after being just alive for one year."

Shikaku pointed at me. "Don't raise your voice at your superior, Shikamaru."

"Pardon me." I scratched my cheek. "I'm sorry, Mr. Yamanaka, sir."

Inoichi chortled and slapped Shikaku's back, encouraging him to loosen up. Shikaku motioned to my bag and told me he would be waiting for me outside the room with the wedding ring around my finger.

Judging by his awkwardness, I was certain a part of him still believed I kept a relationship behind his back. I should have told him how helpful his doubts were but instead I bounced off the bed and dressed in what clothes he brought me from my wardrobe.

He drove me mad.


	5. Chapter Four

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Four**

 **Sakura**

People had been coming and going, coming and going. I was too tired to answer questions, but Lady Tsunade couldn't seem to notice that no matter how hard I hinted.

She had a worry I had never seen on her before, and so often, I had glimpses of the woman she was apart from being the Fifth Hokage. Her words were strict like they always were but her touch reminded me of my mother's. Mum would be horrified, yes, but I wanted her to be with me now more than ever.

"Alright." The Hokage removed another two wires curled around my arm that pierced a nerve beside my pulse. I winced, no longer caring whether she viewed it as a sign of weakness or not.

I was in pain, and nobody cared to tell me why.

As I watched her update my prognosis, I remembered what happened yesterday when she visited me after nightfall. I had asked her why there were ANBUs outside my room. Perhaps she thought I would not sense it, but their containment jutsu was only as obscure as the sparse air of a genjutsu. She had only smiled and denied it was for containment, explaining that it was for security against possible attacks instead. "After all," she had said, "Ryo could have accomplices interested in taking their revenge on you."

I had agreed it was indeed for security, but not for _my_ benefit.

After that first attempt, I decided it would be my last…at least, with her.

I scratched my back, and she lifted her eyes to take note of my action. "Lady Tsunade," I said, "how long do I have to remain here?"

"It depends. We don't know the full extent of the jutsu Ryo assaulted you with." She hung the prognosis sheet back on the foot of my bed.

"Has Sai regained consciousness?"

"Not yet, but he's just asleep from all the drugs we've been injecting him." Slipping into her green robe, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's fine, Sakura. You should worry about yourself."

"And Shikamaru?"

"With Shikaku. He's being briefed on his therapy."

"What therapy?"

"Chakra therapy. I told you, his channels were blocked and chakra still can't flow through them properly." She busied herself with packing the scrolls on the nurse's desk. "And it's not as though Shikamaru has a lot of chakra. Once Neji returns from his mission, he'll be assisting him in getting back in shape."

I looked down at my hands, imagining it over his burnt arm, healing him. "How long before I see him again?"

When she gave no response, I turned to her and saw she was staring at my hands also. It was there again, that anxiety she had been wearing since I woke up, but she would not tell me why even if I asked a thousand times.

"Are you worried for him?"

"Naturally, yes," I said, feeling the words roll and tumble on my tongue. "I mean, when I saw him earlier, all I felt was relief that he was alive. After all we've been through, despite how ignorant and stubborn I was during the mission, he came for me…he and Sai."

"He's fine," she assured. "A lot of people are taking care of him. As I said, get well so you can see him soon."

The Fifth left. I sat there, alone, wondering why everybody was acting strangely.

In fact, everything else since I first saw Shikamaru had been strange.

My containment area was separated from the hospital by two miles of land crowded by a few trees. From the window opposite my bed, I could see the east side of the hospital, and in the hallways, the people passing.

It took me two hours of intense observation before I confirmed what this truly was.

The medic looking after me, Genji, excused himself, and Ino entered.

I turned from the window, slowly, and blinked twice to check if she would vanish. She didn't - she was real - and I rubbed my eyes to wipe the tears without her noticing.

"Hey, forehead." Ino approached, the heels of her shoes creating a rhythm against the linoleum.

Tip, tap, tip, tap, tip, tap…like water dripping…like water from my hair dripping back to a pond.

I grunted and sat on the windowsill. "It's Ino the pig. Two weeks, and you still haven't lost the weight? Hey, your nail polish is undone!"

She stopped and collapsed on the edge of the bed, sobbing.

I jumped off the ledge. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

She motioned for me to come close. I stepped forward, and she threw her arms around me. "You were gone for two weeks, idiot!"

"I was home the second week."

"You were unconscious the whole time!"

I bent lower on my knees to embrace her properly. Her hair still smelled of that lavender shampoo she created herself, and the perfume oil she grinded from roses was still dabbed on her neck. Burying my face on her shoulder, I cried.

As the tears escaped my eyes and soaked her dress, exhaustion overwhelmed me. I sat beside her and pulled away, but I couldn't bring myself to let go of her arms. I hung my head low, ashamed and tired, caring and not caring at the same time.

"Oh, Sakura…I never knew," Ino muttered. "No one told me. If I had known much earlier, I wouldn't have left your side in intensive care."

"I don't know why, but I'm…I-I…" I shook my head faster and faster. "I'm so scared."

Tucking my hair behind my ears, she lifted my chin up and grinned. "C'mon, you were scared to pick flowers in the field when we were kids, but your choice and arrangement was one of the best in class! You were scared to look at boys in the academy, but one day you suddenly came hollering at us about how much you liked Sasuke! How about the chuunin exams? I saw how anxious you were in the forest, but you and Naruto and Sasuke managed to reach the tower! Heck, you didn't even back out during the preliminaries even if you were up against me!"

I ran my hand across my face and took a deep breath.

"That's it!" She fished in her pouch and brought out cosmetics. "Ta da! Let's get you cleaned up in the bathroom and make you feel better again. And - " She brought out a pair of scissors. " - I'll also have to trim your hair. It's a disaster, Sakura! Let's go."

As I sat there, listening to her narrate her last mission involving genins, I almost felt like the child I was in the meadow sporting a red ribbon around my head, always in need of comfort, always in need of assurance.

I closed my eyes as she leaned me back on the sink to wash my hair. The coldness of the water bit my scalp, and I jerked forward, struck by the familiarity of the touch.

"What's the matter?" She twisted the faucet close, and the shrill sound of water clashing against the sink died.

Stillness. The stagnancy of a pond.

I scratched my back and waved the thought off. She resumed to wash my hair.

"I wasn't as petty as you make me sound, Ino," I said. "You were threatened by me, admit it!"

She scanned her assortment of hair products with a sneer. "Threatened? No matter how close you were to Sasuke, he never fell for you! There was no reason for me to be threatened."

"Why was it always Sasuke between us?"

"…I don't know. He kept us close, though."

I sank in my robe. "I never told you…I _did_ try to stop him."

Ino and I stared at each other through our reflections in the bathroom mirror.

"I knew more than I told. Orochimaru. The curse mark," I said. "Partly, his absence is _my_ fault too. I was afraid Sasuke would hate me if I intervened even more. I was terrified, Ino, and now he's gone away…so far from us."

"And Naruto? How's he coping?"

"He's keeping his promise," I hissed. "No one needs to tell me, but it's that promise that's burdening him."

She rubbed cream on my scalp. "If that's so, then you should get better soon. Naruto will be furious when he finds out what happened to you!"

"What _did_ happen to me?"

The movements of her hand slowed and she turned to get a comb. Once her face was visible in the mirror again, I saw the light in her eyes flicker, and she changed her frown into a smile. "This, you idiot!" she hollered. "Intensive care under the Hokage's watch is serious, Sakura! Hey, what scent do you prefer: rose or pine?"

"Why am I under the Hokage's watch?" I spun in my chair and gripped the backrest. "How come you're allowed to see me while I'm in quarantine?"

Ino dropped the comb and jumped back, startled by the clangor bouncing off the tiles.

I picked up the comb. "Okay? You can stop looking funny at me like that."

"Quarantine?" she squeaked. "This isn't quarantine. Why would you be in quarantine? You must have hit your head real hard during your mission if you're beginning to think like that. Geez."

I looked harder at her. There must be something on her that could help me understand; Ino was giving an unconscious hint that my suspicions were right. _Look_ _,_ _Sakura_.

She turned my chair again and took the brush from me.

That one last look I had of her before she wrapped her collars around her neck confirmed it.

After we got eliminated from our first chuunin exams, Ino told me that she grew rashes on her neck every time something happened that was gravely against her will to comply to. "Like fighting you in that tower," she had chimed. "You're a baby! I don't like hurting babies."

I was about to point it out until I sensed how uncomfortable she had gotten.

I nearly forgot.

Those rashes first appeared around the time she found out her mother was ill and she made her promise not to tell Inoichi because it was nothing serious. Inoichi just recovered from a mental attack during an interrogation in a foreign country. Her mother was afraid he could not do with more stress. She died.

Now those red spots were on her neck, redder than ever, and I was too much of a coward to ask why she needed to lie to me. If it was against her will, she should help herself and tell me the truth.

Wait. How _bad_ was the truth?

"Sakura?"

The towel around my hair loosened and slipped. I caught it, glimpsing my reflection while so doing. "You cut it too short, Ino!"

"What? I did?"

Outside the bathroom, footsteps sounded. We exchanged looks and peered through the door.

Shikamaru stood beside my bed, searching the room, his hands in his trouser pockets. When, finally, his eyes darted to our heads which were poked out the bathroom door, he gaped. "Bad timing?"

I retreated inside.

"Not really, I just finished fixing her. Came to talk?" Ino tugged my arm. "Sakura?"

I put on the slip-ons Lady Tsunade brought me earlier and stepped out with Ino, aware of him watching.

For a minute, none spoke, none moved, and I scratched the base of my back. So itchy.

"You cut her hair, Ino?" Shikamaru said.

She let go of my hand and proceeded to file her things back into her pouch. "Yeah, uhm, should I go? I should go. The hospital needs as much help as they can get."

"Hey." I flung my arms around her. "Thank you. Thank you."

She slapped my back playfully. "No big deal, forehead. Get better. I'm going."

Shikamaru sidestepped as she passed, blocking her way. "Hey, can you…tell Choji I'm fine? I'll treat him to some barbeque once I'm out. You too."

"Yeah, of course!" She squeezed herself through the gap between him and the wall, chuckling. "I really have to go now, Shikamaru. See you guys around."

I waved at her, and she was gone.

"Did something happen with you two?" I asked.

He snapped his head towards me as though I just threw a kunai at him. "Ino and I? No."

"Oh."

"Your hair looks…great." He excused himself and went behind the division and reappeared with Ginji's folding chair. He sat. "I think you've never had it that short before?"

"Yeah." I climbed the bed, utterly aware of him, and sighed.

"Listen-" we chorused. I blinked at him, he at me, and we laughed a little.

"Go ahead," he said.

Tip, tap. The water again. "I'm sorry about earlier…about the ring. Lady Tsunade said it was only practical to remove it because you've been through operations." Through the corner of my eye, something glimmered, and I paused to see what it was.

Shikamaru held up his hand and his wedding ring was around his finger. He sucked in a breath and fidgeted on his seat, his face red. "I demanded dad to give it back to me before seeing you." Putting his hand back in his pocket, he added, "Yours is still with your other things. They're being cleaned, just in case the metal retained an amount of electric charge from the jutsu Ryo used."

"That's sensible." I massaged my temple. "I'm sorry. That was so irrational of me. I wake up and the basic procedures for intensive care flee from my mind! Anyway, how are you? How come you're allowed here?"

"My intensive care chamber is just next to yours. It doesn't require much effort to take those couple of strides to see you, Sakura."

"You're lying."

He met my gaze at last. "First I always misplace our wedding ring, and now I'm lying?"

"This isn't intensive care anymore." I went to the window, trembling with frustration, and made a hand seal.

Shikamaru ran to me and wrapped my hands in his. He panted. "What the hell…?"

"This isn't intensive care, right?" A surge of anger and confusion overtook me, but I managed to suppress them. I felt the blood recede from my cheeks, and I leaned my forehead against our hands. "Why are you lying to me?"

He was silent for a while before moving closer and whispering, "You know?"

I nodded.

"But do you know where you are?"

"Underground. This is quarantine. The view outside is a genjutsu. The people passing the hospital corridors are the same, varied by only three colors of clothing and coming in an interval of twenty minutes. I've read the Hokage's files many times before. This is only necessary when a patient is a threat." I untangled my right hand from his and reached back.

He caught my elbow, stopping my fingers from touching the dressing at the base of my spine. "Don't scratch. Please don't be upset. I'll tell you why you're here."

"How can I not be upset?"

He seemed lost for a moment. He prodded me towards him. The side of my face pressed against his chest, and deep inside me, annoyance melted into contentment. The itching stopped, and I was fine.

"Better?"

"Yes."

We moved back to the bed and sat facing each other. "You don't remember anything from the time you reached Ryo's hideout, correct?" he said.

"I lost consciousness, and the last I remember is seeing your face."

He put his elbow above his knee and cupped his chin. "I'm in quarantine too, Sakura. They think something important happened, and we've lost all memories of it. They're waiting to see if we remember it, and if we don't, Inoichi will be entering our minds for the answers. Dad won't lie to me. They're just making sure we're fit to go out on missions after recovering from this one. What if we recall an information that could save Konoha while we're in action? It could be too late to deliver the message."

I leaned back on the headboard, scrutinizing him, wanting to doubt him, but couldn't. "That's all?"

"Yeah. I thought there was something more they're not telling me too."

"Lady Tsunade could have just told me that!"

"Maybe she couldn't," he said. "Maybe she wasn't sure you'd believe her, especially after the shock of waking up in intensive care. The Hokage's really tired from looking after the three of us. She allowed me to come here to tell you."

My body relaxed, and the room felt safe. "She knew I'd believe you."

He rubbed his neck. "What are husbands for? Mom always believes dad because she said she'd feel it anyway if he's lying, and he knows how strong her instincts are, so there was no use lying to each other. They're funny that way. I try lying to mom sometimes to see if she'd see through it…heck, whenever she does, she makes me clean the entire house. Now I pay the water bill. Next year, I'm sure they'll make me pay for the electricity too. What a drag."

"I believe you," I whispered.

He stared.

"Anything wrong with what I said?"

"Nah. Just happy you're…you believe me."."

For a while, we sat in silence, and I enjoyed watching him think. Somewhere in me, I was being stitched up and completed, like a doll being painted, or a canvas being framed. I was satisfied being here, so near to him.

"Naruto's in a mission." He yawned and stretched his arms overhead. "The Fifth sent him on one so he'd stop worrying about you. Say, when he comes back…I was just wondering whether you guys are still on Sasuke's tracks."

"Of course we are." I frowned. "Team Seven will never be complete without him. But it is taking long, isn't it? Once we're out, I'll train hard so I can help Naruto."

"Yeah? I think you do enough."

"You're kidding me."

There was a sharp edge to his gaze and a drop of query to his tone. "Remember the time Konoha was attacked by Orochimaru? Kakashi sent us out with Naruto to track down Sasuke. I went back to delay those fiends following us because I thought you'd want to get to Sasuke and help him out rather than to stay behind."

"You called me a talentless kunoichi. Yeah, what of it?"

"I didn't!"

"Trust me, you did."

"I apologized for that."

"You can apologize now."

He winced. "Sorry. I was nervous back there."

"Ha." I sneered. "So what of it, then?"

"I…it's…you were so eager to get to Sasuke. You really like him, don't you?"

Tip. Tap. Tip. Tap. I touched my hair, but it was dry. "I'm going to get him back. Ah, wait, no – I mean, he's just a friend now and you're my-"

He waved his hand dismissively, a sly smile on his lips. "It's okay, Sakura. If I were Sasuke, I would be glad to know someone cares for me so much. If _I_ were _him_ , that is."

"But you're not Sasuke." I scowled. Tip, tap. "You're my husband."

Shikamaru didn't move. "…Right. Enough beating around the bush here. Sakura, the other reason I came here is because I want…you out of quarantine as soon as possible. It hurts me seeing you here, knowing it's all my fault." He paused. "Dad and Lady Tsunade doesn't know what I really intend to do."

"I don't get it."

"I'll get you out," he explained. "So you have to help me put our story together. The sooner we recall whatever information it is they expect from us, the sooner we leave. Are you okay with that? Are you upset with me?"

"No, no," I ran my hand through my hair and stopped at my nape, thinking. "I want to leave. I'll do my best."

"Good. Okay, Sakura, when was the first time you met Kana? Do you remember what age?"

"Thirteen? I was thirteen, maybe. Kakashi fetched me afterwards."

"You were alone when you met Kana?"

"Oh yeah, Sasuke found me first!" I smiled at the thought of him coming to my rescue, more than what was appropriate to show in front of Shikamaru. "Naruto was taking too long mastering a technique, so I took it as an…ah, let's say, an opportunity to stroll the woods with Sasuke. It was just a silly infatuation before…anyway, we found this hut displaying beautiful chimes. He was thirsty, so he asked if we could have something to drink. Kana was the owner of the house."

"Did anything peculiar happen?"

"Well…Sasuke and I were chatting with Kana inside. We liked her. It was obvious she was sick, though."

"How?"

"Coughing and scratching. We were talking about the travelers passing the border of the fire country when Sasuke suddenly got up and told me we were leaving. Kakashi came then, and we hurried off. I asked why they were being so rude, and Sasuke told me there was a man in the walls of the house, watching him. We weren't safe."

Shikamaru straightened his back. He stood. "Do you have any idea who that could be?"

"Orochimaru's men? Weren't they always interested in Sasuke?"

"Perhaps."

"Perhaps?"

"In your sessions with Kana during our mission, she mentioned a program, didn't she? A child sent to penetrate hidden villages and serve as ears for Konoha?"

I stood and paced the room, lying that I was a bit over-rested and needed to move about. Kana made me swear to keep this our secret. If she died - if I failed the operation - she wanted one soul to acknowledge her existence. I shouldn't betray her.

"They worked for Konoha, even if Konoha disowned them," I said, disappointed at myself. "The former ANBU that served as their master told them they used to be many, but not all survived. Those of them fortunate to be alive were the chosen heroes who would one day be welcomed home to Konoha and accepted…they just had to fulfill their purpose and wait _very_ patiently. Ryo wanted out because he no longer believed in that purpose. He left, he returned for Kana after ten years, and I knew she only came with Ryo to spare my life and try to save her true love from his madness. Afterwards you yelled at me that I couldn't save Sasuke…"

Shikamaru sat on his heels, head down, fingers laced in front of him. "That was a lie. I _am_ sorry."

"I know you are." Water dripped on my chest. I could feel the water. "You came for me. I woke up in the pond, looking for my husband, and the first man I see is you, frightened and tired, but you were there. Fifteen years, and you've never broken your promise to save me every time, no matter the means, no matter the cost." I shrugged and smiled my best smile at him. "What can I do to show my gratitude? Tell me, I'll do anything. It's okay."

"Sakura…"he whispered. "There _is_ one thing."

"Are you all right? What is it, Shikamaru?"

" _Please don't forget Sasuke_."

I would have said 'okay 'if it were really okay then. Why should it matter to Shikamaru that I never forget Sasuke?


	6. Chapter Five

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Five**

 **Tsunade**

"Shikaku,"

"Yes, Fifth?"

"Explain to me again why Shikamaru is under observation."

Shikaku looked up from the scrolls he was unsealing, at Inoichi, and then at me.

I had waited until his son was inside quarantine, talking to Sakura, and until the rest of his investigation team had left for a quick break before pursuing this subject. For certain, he wouldn't mind explaining in front of Inoichi; they had been comrades for so long, and their children were in one team for five years. Now the room was almost still, waiting for his response.

"There's a chance the effect of the jutsu on him could only be delayed compared to Sakura's, milady."

"I've heard that, yes, and I agree, but I want to hear the reason of the father – not the shinobi."

Shikaku put down the scrolls and returned his quill into the bottle of ink. "Something has changed with my son, and I am uncertain what it is, exactly. For this very reason, I am afraid he may also be a threat. Not _now_ , but perhaps _later_."

I walked around my desk, wishing I had a bottle of sake to bring with me as I joined them in their table. "I know it's none of my business, Shikaku, and you can call this invading your privacy if you will. You must realize that the jutsu may have touched an area in your son's life that is intimate, and only you may know what it is. To express your doubts and fears concerning his behavior would help us a great deal in this observation. If you can't tell me, then I'll allow you a confidant – Inoichi. He can give me the information you give him in the form of technicalities instead."

Shikaku stood, his head level, and he said in a solemn voice, "Forgive me, Lady Hokage, but I have nothing to share. The truth is, I…I am in a dilemma with him myself. After Asuma's death, I had allowed myself to serve as his…shock-absorber, if I can call it that. The words I hear from his mouth are mostly angry and very few. Our joy and peace are expressed tacitly, and after witnessing what we did yesterday, I am not confident that I can say my son keeps no secrets from me."

Whenever I looked at him, I said to myself that was how Shikamaru would be someday. Their hair spiked in all directions, their eyes dim as their shadows, and their stance strong but humble. Yet, appearances could not account for their bond as father and son. I had taken them too lightly. "He's still a boy, if you ask me," I said, suppressing the touch of sympathy in my voice."If he does keep secrets, you would know, I'm sure."

"And it's not as if there's anybody else to turn to now," Inoichi said. "He's a smart kid; he knows when it's best to confess something. It is the life of Sakura Haruno he'd be risking by staying quiet."

"Shikamaru and her are not-" Shikaku apologized and shut his mouth.

I held up one of the scrolls: classified information on all ANBUs since the first generation of Hidden-Leaf shinobis, unsealed for the first time in over a hundred years. "They are not…? Go on."

He sighed. "Even if Shikamaru would not have told me about having a relationship, he would have told his mother. He's sensible; he'd have asked for my blessing afterwards. He knows it is not a game especially because they are both shinobis. Apart from that, he's my heir. There was enough trouble in my family when Shikamaru missed the annual meeting with the scholars and the Pillars thought I was hiding the fact of his death. His death isn't even a fact."

"Pillars?" I asked.

"They're the elders of my clan, milady. They keep the scholars checked and guarded. You will be meeting them in five months to assess which information you want to retrieve and which you want us to keep and invest on. It'll be extremely important for you to prepare for it, milady, as we specialize in rare forms of medicine. It coincides with the renewal of the Yamanaka, Nara, and Akimichi clans' oath to the Hidden-Leaf village. I'm meant to brief you on that next month."

"And I thought the Hyugas were fancy."

"We're not a noble clan like the Hyugas but we _are_ numerous and troublesome."

Inoichi chuckled. "We live humble lives in the village, milady, to escape from the fact that we have blood relations in our responsibility. It takes time to get accustomed to all the clans and our whims, but you'll get used to it."

"Does this mean that Ino and Shikamaru are not allowed to be romantically involved under any circumstances?"

Shikaku and Inoichi looked at each other.

"They're your heirs. Unless you plan to remarry, Inoichi, and produce a male heir."

Shikaku patted his shoulder. "It seems to me I'm not the only one with problems in his clan."

"Has there been a case like that? Both heirs, a Nara and a Yamanaka romantically involved?"

"It's difficult to consider that prospect, seeing as the two act like siblings," said Inoichi.

"With your daughter's high standards, I'm certain she hasn't even considered him," said Shikaku.

 _Old men_ , I thought. It seemed to me they've lost all ties with their childhood. "Anyway, what does Ino think of Shikamaru's relationship with Sakura?"

"I inquired about that when I met with her earlier and all she said was that Sakura and Shikamaru worked well together as colleagues, but they're not the type to interfere with each other's personal lives."

Shikaku sighed again, his brow slightly furrowed. "Plus, the last he would want is a woman who can beat him up." He paused. "O-of course, I mean no offense to you, Lady Hokage!"

"Sakura does beat up Naruto without considering that he has the nine-tails…" There was no question in that. She wasn't his type, and he wasn't her type, but I still couldn't rule it out as impossible.

Inoichi gathered in his arms the scrolls I would have to seal again and arranged them on my desk. "Ino doesn't tell me much detail either, but Sakura is the closest she has to a confidant after her mother, and she cares for Shikamaru like a brother. Ino would have told me if there was anything to be concerned about, knowing I can come to you directly, Shikaku."

"But a failed jutsu involving all elements of rebirth _can't_ have an effect based on _nothing_!" I insisted.

"We asked Shikamaru – he denied it."

"He would have confessed by now if it would help save Sakura – even if he has to face your fists, Shikaku."

"It could also be that Sakura has unspoken feelings for Shikamaru."

The two men looked at me. "That could be," said Shikaku.

"Who would have noticed if she had suddenly harbored feelings for him?"

"Yamato and Sai went on missions with them."

"Even if Sai is conscious, he wouldn't be much help in that area."

"Who else?"

"Naruto." I called an ANBU and instructed him to inform me the moment Naruto returned to Konoha.

The discussion about secret love affairs ended there. I had wanted to avoid delving into their private matters with their children, but I found it necessary to know those things if they played a part in curing Sakura. I, too, had replayed in my head the moments I spent with her, scrutinizing the stories she confided in me, trying to see if there had been hints of infatuation for an unnamed shinobi in her words.

I was sealing the last of the ANBU classified scrolls when Shizune escorted Shikamaru and Ino inside my office. I told her to go back and check the tattoo on Sakura's back, which silenced the people in the room.

"She's not confusing me with Sasuke, nor is she merging me with Ryo more than the fact that she thinks I'm her husband. We can steer clear of that now," Shikamaru said as he approached me, Ino tailing him.

" _For now_ ," Shikaku corrected from where he stood beside me.

Shikamaru only looked away.

I sat up straight to remind them of my presence, and in my presence, I preferred no family feud. "What else?"

"She's still intent on bringing Sasuke back," Ino said.

"That's a good sign that she's still herself."

Kakashi entered through the window, hiding his Icha Icha book in his chuunin vest and bowing to me in apology. His tardiness and that book reminded me of the proposal I had Shizune write about banning that perverted novel. It seemed more ninjas saw Kakashi's reading habit as inspiring and had turned to that in an effort to excel in their field. The truth was, the only field they were to excel once they finished the series was in professional singleness throughout their sad existence.

"What about the program? Did she add any interesting detail?" he asked, diverting the conversation before I could scold him. So much like Jiraiya, only with more grace.

"Yeah…it sounded as if the ANBU who was their master brainwashed them into being spies," Shikamaru said. "They'd be heroes and welcomed back to Konoha and whatnot. Idealistic and manic, if you ask me. Ryo was sensible enough to leave."

"What is this program, anyway?"

Kakashi ceased midway grabbing the scroll on top of the heap. "Can they know, Lady Tsunade?"

"You know?"

"That was my first assignment as part of the ANBU."

Oh. I should read Kakashi's records again. "They should know. Although, once you do, you will be oathed never to speak about this to another soul. This isn't just another ANBU classified mission." I looked them directly in the eyes, relaying the enormity of the information with my glare. "This started as an attempt to destroy Konoha, and if it ever leaks to anyone outside our circle, we will be risking war with other villages. _We can't have that_. Do the both of you understand?"

Ino and Shikamaru hesitated, and then nodded.

I didn't want to begin, yet I had to. I was the Fifth Hokage whether it was convenient or not, and this was my problem now. If the goal of this rebirth jutsu using Sakura Haruno as vessel indeed meant war, I would make sure we won. I would make sure everyone in my village was safe. I would have to stop denying what had all ready befallen us.

"Twenty years ago, during Minato Namikaze's reign as the Fourth Hokage, a group of children were abandoned in the forest outside Konoha. An ANBU squad led by a commander named Takeo, found them and soon realized they were only awaiting their deaths due to the amount of mercury already in their systems. Later, we discovered that they were kidnapped, hurt, and left to die in our premises by none other than Orochimaru. Those children, as a matter of fact, came from known families in various hidden villages and had been missing for three weeks. Shinobis were looking for them. The Fourth, deciding Konoha could not return them in fear that it would risk war against us, ordered for them to be given painless deaths in a sanctuary outside the Fire Country."

"So they can't be traced back to us, correct?"

"Yes, Shikamaru. Even the poison used had its origins from the land farthest our own just so we would not be blamed," I said. "All files relating to them were burned. Their discovery never happened, and the squad Takeo led was oathed to secrecy 'til death. If one word of it slipped their mouths, the Fourth himself would make them pay for risking the Hidden-Leaf."

"But before the execution, Takeo suggested the children be used to our advantage instead. He proposed a program wherein they would be taught in the ways of a Hidden-Leaf shinobi and penetrate their own homelands to warn Konoha of any plots against us. Minato refused him without a second thought, and ordered the children to be executed immediately."

Ino glimpsed everyone in the room, estimating their stillness. "…Were they executed?"

Shikamaru, of all people, wished the answer that would come out of my mouth was 'yes'. I saw it in his every move - how he would give up any limb than be in the position he was in now. I wished I could rewrite this story for them too, but adolescent or not, a shinobi had to face the truth. "Except for eight. Takeo escaped with eight out of thirty-two children. They had been top priority bounties until the death of the Fourth Hokage."

"You stopped searching? Why?"

"Because the nine-tails nearly wiped out Konoha." Kakashi answered, resting on the window ledge. "We all thought the worst had happened."

"Kana and Ryo were one of them?" asked Ino.

"Yes," answered Shikamaru. "Sakura said so. However, if penetration was their purpose, and unless Takeo had previous records on practice of forbidden jutsu, the whole idea of rebirth couldn't have come from the program. Ryo left. What did he do in the ten years he was gone?"

"He could have been away from the program, but he was still in contact with Kana," Shikaku suggested.

Inoichi requested me to open two scrolls I had sealed in my own design, and joined the conversation while waiting for me to finish. "Let's say they were fourteen when we found them, and the gap between that year to the present is twenty years – they'd be thirty-four now."

"Sakura said Kana and Ryo met when they were eleven."

"None of the thirty-two children found was under the age of thirteen."

"So they lied to Sakura and me."

"They would have been married at nineteen then," I said, handing the scroll to Inoichi and whirling my chair to Kakashi's direction. "Did you see Kana the time you fetched her and Sasuke in that house?"

"Yes. Although I barely recall the details of her face, I could say she has aged a lot since we last saw her." He held his chin. "If she's supposed to be in her early thirties now, she appeared a lot older than she's supposed to when we found her in the cave. Around forty, would be my estimate."

"It could just be the jutsu's effect after it went haywire."

Shikaku approached Shikamaru with a photograph. "This is Kana now, in the lab. Did she look like this when you met her during your mission?"

He squinted, his lips parting wider the longer he looked. "Worse. I thought she was nearing fifty. She appears her proper age there."

"So she's gotten younger?" I considered my theory of her aging as a counter-effect of the jutsu. If Shikamaru restrained it and unknowingly reversed the effects, it could be that she was experiencing the karma even as a corpse. I stopped to think it over. Loopholes – everywhere. My theories were not good enough. "She's thirty four, looked fifty during the mission – maybe because of the disease - turned forty in the cave, and one week later, she's her proper age."

"We need to clarify the timeline somehow." Shikaku probed a cigarette out of his breast pocket, saw me frowning, and hid it under his sleeve. "I mean, to identify which is true and which is not in what Kana told Sakura."

Ino stepped forward, her frame rigid, her jaw tight. "Lady Tsunade, please allow father and I to enter Sakura's brain. Maybe we can also find out why she suddenly thinks Shikamaru is her h-husband."

I could not stomach the thought. Put in Sakura's shoes, how would I feel, knowing strangers would see memories I preferred to be secret, would find memories of another I didn't know even existed in me?

I gripped the armrests, pushing emotions from my face as best I could. It was okay. Inoichi was a professional. Ino was her best friend. I had _no_ choice.

"Me too." Shikamaru held Ino's shoulder, murmuring, "But I don't want you in my head. Those things – what I saw is far worse than what you will witness in Sakura's memories. You mustn't be where I was."

"It's time to grow up," I told him. "I know you've been teammates a long time, Shikamaru, but to spare her now is to render her helpless come the time she has no choice but to face worse memories."

"Only this once-"

"Shikamaru." Shikaku grimaced at his son.

Inoichi chuckled to lighten the mood. He ruffled Ino's hair. "There's no use arguing about that, really. Ino can only do one sitting a day. What Shikamaru might be trying to say is he doesn't want her to use his head as a training ground. We know what happened the last time she lost control and ran out of chakra."

"Dad!"

I needed my sake badly. "Ino, you'll be more use identifying any lapse or damage in Sakura's memories than in Shikamaru's. Another sitting might harm you, and I won't risk putting you into a coma like Inoichi ended up in once before. If we lose you, Konoha loses a major advantage. All right, people, let's go." I picked TonTon up from beneath my table, disturbing his sleep. "And Shikaku, while we're preparing our two patients for mind-infiltration, put Kana and Ryo's bodies under ice. I'll be checking on them later and hopefully I don't die under this stress. Did I say let's go? Let's go."

Drugged and asleep, Sakura returned to herself. She was Sakura again in my sight whenever she lay still and quiet. No significant changed had occurred to her, yet guilt swarmed me every moment I heard her voice. In some weird sense, as I readied her mind to be infiltrated, as I stroked her pale hair, as I apologized to her for doing this without her consent, a part of me knew she was different, if not totally estranged from the girl I nurtured.

Shikamaru was a different matter. While I prepared him, I took his silence as an opportunity to affirm an observation that had nagged at me since he came to report.

"You don't have any feelings for Sakura, huh?"

He moved his eyes to find me at the head of the bed, filling a syringe with morphine. "So invading memories is supposed to hurt me?"

"This is only to prevent you from experiencing headaches in case Inoichi searches deeper than normal. If your body fights the pain, coma is the least of your problems." I rolled his sleeve up. "Stop changing the subject just because you know what I'll be asking next."

"I don't know."

"What?"

"You're thinking I'm being protective of Ino because it's her I like." His face remained vacant of any expression. "I don't know."

I searched for a visible nerve on the inside of his elbow. "If I tell Shikaku, will he stop thinking you lied to him? About your relationship with Sakura?"

"I hope so," he said. "But let's not give names."

"Why not?"

"It's...troublesome."

Once the infiltration began, I forbade anybody but Ino and Inoichi in the room where they probed Sakura's brain for answers.

"Answers," I spat. I was only angry because I would be the one to make the ugliest decisions depending on their findings. Curse Jiraiya for refusing the job and suggesting I become Hokage in his place. Curse Naruto for persuading me. No, I take Naruto's curse back.

Shizune popped out of nowhere while I paced the hall. She took TonTon from me and replaced him with a bottle of water and a blue capsule. "It's supposed to ease you, Lady Tsunade," she said.

I waved the capsule in the air. "This is for old - for _very old_ women - are you mocking me?"

She and TonTon grinned. "It might work? Lady Tsunade, if you won't take that, at least eat properly."

"I need sake. Ten bottles. Now."

"She has her own family," Shizune said. The usual bliss of her aura had dropped, and her face bore no sympathy. "With all due respect, but Sakura Haruno has a mother waiting for her at home. You have to consider now what to tell her if what they find in there requires us to hold her away for much longer."

My feet weighed me down in one place, and I looked at them, asking why.

Her daughter could become another person in an indefinite amount of days. That was the truth. Shinobi or not, she had to swallow what the world had shoved into my mouth as Hokage.

Fortunately, Inoichi and Ino finished before Shizune could press for an answer, and I was salvaged from having to address that matter. Later, I would. Now, I would save Sakura.

Shikamaru's turn didn't last long. He came out, his arm around Ino's shoulders for support, and he held his head and groaned.

Inoichi asked if he could begin, and I nodded despite the implicit strife between us all.

"I'll proceed with Sakura's, because Shikamaru pretty much told us everything he has in his head. Nothing much is new. Anyway, most of her memories from the mission are blurred." He paused to let Ginji and Shizune wheel Sakura out of the room and back to her quarantine.

My student.

"And?" Shikamaru's voice trembled.

"The blur is like a preying animal, an animate force crawling to her previous memories. It's the jutsu, I'm sure."

"Are they being replaced by Kana's memories?"

Father and daughter shared a glance.

"This is what's happening," explained Ino. "A fog is slowly covering her film strip of memories, while a developed picture is attached to the end of that strip, doing nothing. Well, nothing as of yet."

"And that developed picture is?" I asked.

"Shikamaru," Inoichi said, "Sakura recounted to you that in the pond, she was looking for her husband and she saw you, right? Through joint efforts and snippets of your brief battle, Ino and I did a 360 degrees of the pond at that exact moment Sakura said she saw you."

Shikaku jogged towards us, mopping the sweat on his face with his hands. "What did you find? Was the timeline correct?"

"No, but we found something very important," said Ino.

"The developed picture at the end of her memories, that memory Sakura remembers so clearly – it's not hers." Inoichi flipped his pad back to the drawing of the seed. "This tattoo on her back could be the physical manifestation of that memory. During the quick 360 degrees around the pond, Ino and I clearly saw that at the exact moment Kana opened her eyes to look at Ryo, which was within her view, Shikamaru stepped between him and her."

"The cord," Shikamaru blurted, his eyes round, his face ashen. "I moved in to cut the cord that bound Sakura to Kana the exact moment she was looking for her husband! Sakura registered that final memory of Kana before Kana died and merged me with Ryo, hence she thinks we're…"

"Worse," Ino said. "Based on what we know of Kana, the failed rebirth jutsu could be messing with their similar desires to bring back the man they love, and Sakura might blend her memory of Sasuke and Kana's memory of Ryo to the image of you all because of those two seconds before you cut the cord."

The world paid its respect to our grievances by being silent for a brief moment. In that indefinite moment in a time lost, the Fifth Hokage acknowledged the corresponding plan of action to this damage…while the woman I was apart from my duties decided that if I was Sakura's mother, I would prefer to hear the problem with a solution already at hand.

I was so sorry.

"I see." Tossing the blue capsule into my mouth and swallowing, I said, "Gather our team. I have a plan."


	7. Chapter Six

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Six**

 **Shikamaru**

My room was clean when I got home. Mom usually left it covered in a veil of dust so I had at least one chore to do upon returning from a mission. I inclined the sole of my foot into view, surprised they gathered not a single speck of dirt. In fact, the floor wax made moving around difficult.

Perhaps this was her agenda: to avenge her restless nights by attempting to make me slip and fall face-first on the ground.

As I was stuffing three, black turtlenecks in my bag, I did slip.

I lay on the floor without the slightest intention of getting up any time soon.

I knew the truth, and the truth hurt too much. Mom bothered with my room because she knew I would need a suitable place to rest in once I was released from the hospital. She wasn't mad at me, no; she was extremely perplexed if she wasted the floor wax on me.

I smirked, remembering how dad had to make her stop scolding me for playing with the floor wax once when I was eight. He would buy two more bottles, he assured her, to which she retorted by saying she didn't use liquid wax in the first place. Dad and I later discovered mom only bought the ones in those circular cans we always thought was cat food. And we were wondering what the cat food was for when we didn't own a cat.

After I finished packing, I would lie to her, and then I would apologize for having to lie.

We first saw each other again while I was searching for my shoes, and she kicked the front door open. For at least thirty seconds, we stared.

Mom dropped her six grocery bags.

I jumped to my feet and reached out to steady her, but she stretched her arm to stop me from coming nearer.

"I'm okay." She smiled, nodding to convince herself. "S-Shikamaru –"

"Hi, mom." I picked up the bags and returned her smile. "Let's put these in the pantry cabinet?"

She fell on her knees, laughing and crying at the same time.

It was my turn to drop the bags. I knelt in front of her and sighed. "You're scaring me, mom. I'm alive. I'm okay. How have you and dad been? Oh yeah, I already put the payment for the water bill on the kitchen table."

"I-I'm so happy!" She kissed my hands and put them on either sides of her face. "I didn't show Shikaku that I was worried because I knew how grave it had to be if the Hokage had to come here to assure me of your safety. You boys from the Nara clan are such bad liars! I'm glad you're home!"

I put my arms around her back and rested my weight on her. She didn't smell like Ino or Sakura; her scent was more like Kurenai's, only softer. She wore the fragrance of onions that broke me apart from the stench of anesthetic, and it was only now that I truly felt I was home. "Yeah…I'm sorry, mom. I didn't mean to worry you. Did you lose weight?"

"The water bill was long overdue, Shikamaru!" She slapped my arm and pouted at me.

"You weren't going to pay it on my behalf?"

"I was intending to visit you to check if you were awake! You needed to know!"

That was mom, I thought. I loved her.

I helped her arrange the canned goods on separate cabinets. She was too happy, I couldn't break it so quickly with my lies. Anyway, she wouldn't make me clean the house even if she saw through it…would she?

"Mom," I said, pulling a chair for her to sit on.

She blinked at me, and then sat down. "You're going to talk to me. I don't like you developing that look of your father's when he's about to tell me something I won't like, Shikamaru."

I winced inwardly and sat next to her. With a deep breath and a quick prayer, I said, "The Hokage's sending me on a mission-"

"Another one?" She stood. "Lady Tsunade-!"

"It doesn't involve violence!" I said, before she could march out and create a ruckus. "I only have to decipher some codes. It's part of my therapy, mom. They have to see if my-my mind's working one hundred percent fine! Yeah, and it's not far from here. I'll be in our forest, in grandpa's old house there, where he cared for our deer."

She resumed sitting. "Oh, I see. You should have told me sooner! I was getting ready to attack your father!"

"…You can't visit me, mom." I stopped upon seeing her expression. She was a little girl in so many ways, but this time I couldn't deem her that. Her face was at war between weeping and roaring, but in the end, it was composure that reigned.

"Will you explain to me what that therapy is for?"

I didn't delve into the details, because the details included a lot of needles and the Byakugan. She nodded over and over, pretending to understand, but the only thing that must be running in her head were questions as to why I had to heal so far from her.

"Besides, it will be a good chance for me to learn how to make those rubber bands," I said.

She traced the lines of my palm, quiet, cherishing my presence, and then she brushed my hair back with her fingers. "Who will you be with?"

"…Sakura Haruno. She'll be my medic."

"The pink-haired girl under the Hokage's tutelage?"

"Yeah, that girl."

"Is she kind to you?"

"Of course."

"She's very pretty." Mom pinched my ear. "Don't do anything stupid, son. You signed a contract with me that you won't get married or have babies until you're thirty. Do you need me to show you your signature to remind you?"

"Ouch! I won't do anything with her! That hurts!"

"I'll check your things to make sure you have everything you need." She got up and I grabbed her elbow to stop her.

"Mom, I need to go now. Trust me, okay?" I embraced her for the final time, kissed the crown of her head, and waved goodbye.

"I was only kidding! I love you, Shikamaru!"

"Love you too, mom." I closed the front door without looking back. Pinching my nose-bridge, I assured myself that was the best I could have done it. Mom was a strong woman, and dad would be there to make her happy.

Someone poked my forehead. "You finished? Let's go?"

I looked up and choked on my own saliva.

Sakura grimaced, hitting my back to sooth me. "If I were Sakura, I'd be offended."

"Ino," I coughed. "Sorry."

"Mind Transfer lasts longer than before now, but I can't stay as long as convenient." She took one of my bags and threw it over her shoulder. "Let's go?"

We travelled from roof to roof, deciding it was a safer route so as to avoid meeting Sakura's colleagues. A few turns to the west, and we jumped down to her balcony.

"Shouldn't we use the door, Ino? I mean, meet her mom and talk to her?"

Ino took out a hairpin from behind her ear and picked at the lock. "No need. Sakura always goes though her balcony to avoid her family whenever they get annoying. Here, it's open." She waved me inside. "They're used to her just appearing in her room. Don't worry!"

"She brings men through her balcony, too?"

Ino paused to consider. "Let's use the door."

Meeting Mrs. Haruno was the least pleasant thing I had to do yet. She hugged Ino upon seeing her, completely ignoring that she was with a man. Ino hugged her back and spoke in Sakura's words, narrating to the worried mother the lies we had weaved together in Lady Tsunade's office.

"This is Shikamaru Nara." She stepped aside to present me. "He'll be with me to decipher the codes."

Mrs. Haruno shook my hand. I didn't know why, but some sort of electric current ran through my arm upon that short, physical contact, and my windpipe narrowed. Was this guilt?

"I'll be making sure your daughter's safe," I mumbled.

Mrs. Haruno thanked me as she gathered her yellow hair in a ponytail, emphasizing how relieved she was to see none of us was seriously injured. Sakura was a klutz; it was not surprising that I looked as unhealthy as I did after going on a mission with her.

"And how come you took two weeks, Sakura?" she said. "Did you go scouting the borders for that rogue ninja again?"

"Rogue ninja? You mean _Sasuke_?"

"Stop acting like you don't do it at the end of every mission!" Mrs. Haruno turned to me. "Was she ever out of your sight, Shikamaru?"

"Not once, ma'am. We were together all throughout the mission."

Her eyed me with suspicion, but she conceded with a smile. "That's good, that's good. Welcome back home, my pretty little monster. I understand you have another mission, so I won't hold you back. Do leave your father a note. He's been having nightmares about you since you left. I told him there was nothing to worry about! You're a great kunoichi, plus you're with a Nara."

"Shikamaru?" Ino prodded me to step in. "Help me with my things? My arms are kind of painful, still."

"Do you want food, Shikamaru?" called the mother from the kitchen.

Ino originally intended to refuse, but I beat her to requesting tea. When she asked me why, I shrugged and ignored the weakness nibbling at my knees. There were no words to explain the difficulty of facing Mrs. Haruno while knowing deep in my gut it was my fault her daughter was hanging on to dear life.

This became no easier despite it being Ino's soul. After all, it was still Sakura's body standing in front of me. The physical was difficult to ignore.

We waited for the snacks in her room. Once it arrived, I made sure to thank Mrs. Haruno as sincerely as I could.

Ino only took a sip and went about throwing clothes into a red travel bag.

I shut myself from seeing her female necessities by picking up the wooden frame containing Team Seven's group picture. The glare Naruto and Sasuke shared was friendly then. Perhaps Naruto would never look at Sasuke the way an enemy did, and he would always see him as a friend, but I wasn't sure if he could manage to return their relationship back to what it used to be.

"Sakura made every effort to be cute for Sasuke." She took the frame from me.

I stepped back without her noticing. "Did he ever feel the same about her?"

"…Not exactly, but…" She placed the frame on the table, facing down. "He cared for her. I didn't mean to, but I saw the memory from when she tried to stop Sasuke from leaving. For him to have hindered her from coming with him could mean he knew the danger he was pursuing, and he didn't want anybody else to endure the pain for him."

"Was Sasuke mad at her for trying to talk him out of it?"

"He thanked her. I…I was always convinced he never thought much of her, but the way he thanked her before knocking her unconscious was the most sincere I've ever heard him."

"Did you know that Sakura was scouting for Sasuke at the end of every mission?"

"No. She knew I would have done something to stop her. I never expected her to be so reckless."

"Or so desperate to bring Sasuke back."

"Sakura's guilty. She told me it was partly her fault that he left. Maybe she's placing too much blame on herself."

I retrieved the frame and handed it to her. "Bring this. It would help Sakura."

The wind blew her hair to her face, but she did nothing to fix it as Ino normally would. "Did you bring _our_ group picture?"

"Yes, I think so." I bent over my bag to check the pockets. "I remember grabbing it before I left my room."

She sat on the floor in front of me. "I don't want you forgetting Choji and I, okay? Especially not Asuma."

"I wasn't hit by the rebirth jutsu, Ino. I won't be forgetting anyone."

I slid my fingers into the side pocket to prove to her that I brought it, but she touched my hand, and I forgot everything else. I refused to look at her, because I would see another's face.

"We'll be here no matter what, Shikamaru," she whispered. "Sakura will go back to normal, and you'll treat us to barbeque like Asuma used to."

My eyes locked on our hands. This time, I thought of Sakura and her own significance to Konoha. The people who loved her, the people she loved, and the people she could heal. It wasn't fair, what happened. If anyone had to suffer the rebirth, I hoped hard it had been me instead.

The floor shuddered. The teacups beside us fell and broke as a silhouette of a man landed on the balcony.

I slid my bag away from the spilled tea, mouthing 'you're Sakura' to Ino as I stood.

"Naruto!" She glimpsed me, hesitant, and then ran to block the sliding door. "What are you doing here?"

"Sakura!" A grin erupted on his face. "You're out the hospital already? I thought –"

"I-I'm fine now, Naruto! What are you doing here?"

"Hey! Why is Shikamaru in your room?"

She gestured aimlessly. "He's helping me carry some things, that's all…H-hey! Stop looking at me like that!"

He leapt back from her.

"Naruto," I beckoned, but he was trapped in a stupor.

He pointed at Sakura. "Shikamaru, who is _this_?" He scowled, half-dubious, half-irate." _Where is Sakura?_ "

I hit my head on the wall. This was the last thing we needed.

Tossing Naruto my bags, I injected myself between them and nudged Ino behind me. "Come with us, Naruto. Lady Tsunade has something important to tell you. _Ino_ , are you ready?"


	8. Chapter Seven

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Seven**

 **Naruto**

"We do not know the full extent of the damage done to Sakura, Naruto, hence the need to put her someplace she can be observed without her growing suspicious of us. Since the failed rebirth jutsu is confusing her memories, and she is convinced she is married to Shikamaru, we are placing them in the Nara's forest lodging. The deer will serve as warning from people who would enter without Shikaku's permission, and three ANBUs will be guarding the house. Of course, Sakura knows nothing of these security measures, only that they are decoding codes from Kana and Ryo's belongings that may concern the jutsu. Her growing memories of Kana may aid her in deciphering it for us, making it easier to find a solution. Oh, you also asked about Sai. Well, Sai is still unconscious. We keep injecting drugs in his system because he might not be able to stand the pain while awake." Lady Tsunade sipped her sake and signed another paperwork. "Shizune, are the bodies submerged in ice? Ino, are you feeling better?"

"Y-yes! The extra minute in Sakura's body simply made me lose feeling in my legs, but that's normal."

I craned my neck to the left and found her in a wheelchair a few feet from me. Further, Shikamaru was looking out the window.

"Naruto?"

"I don't understand." I said, turning to the Fifth.

She rested her forehead on her palm, seemingly tired. "We're working on stopping the rebirth from completing its effect on her. Meanwhile, she'll be with Shikamaru."

"And you put Ino in her body to fool her mother into thinking she's fine?"

Lady Tsunade hardened her gaze on me. "Do you have a better idea?"

"Tell her the truth."

" _It will hurt_." She poured more sake into her cup and finished it in one gulp. "If you'll cooperate, you can help us."

"How?"

"Well, we still don't know the real cause of the jutsu's progress," she said. "Perhaps if you come around to make sure she's still Sakura, it will help slow - if not completely diminish - the rebirth."

I gripped my chest. "If she's still Sakura?" I rose and kicked my chair. It crashed on the bookshelf, and a layer of dust swept around us in a cloud of brown smoke.

"Naruto," warned Ino.

"Naruto." Kakashi appeared in front of me. Captain Yamato stood beside him, his hands positioned in a seal.

I stepped away from them, only realizing now the burning sensation coursing through my body. My ears ringed, my joints locked, my bones steeled, my jaws tightened, my skin thawed, my stomach hollowed, my brain shook – I collapsed and caught myself.

"Shikamaru, Ino, clear the room!"

"Naruto, contain it!"

"Damn it, Yamato, restrain him now!"

I remembered walking Sakura out of Konoha two weeks ago.

" _I'm not trying to poison you!"_ she had said. _"You've got to take care of yourself more, do you understand? I'll be gone for at least a week and if you don't like going to pharmacies to buy your medicine, read the expiration date on the instant noodles you stock in your apartment!"_

I did. Once the grocery store was open, I spent the next two hours choosing my food carefully, even asking Choji whether the expiration dates were correct. I also went to the pharmacy to buy medicines, just to prove to Sakura I had grown up to be a real man with proper survival skills. Medicines were nothing to be afraid of. Besides, once she came back, she could heal me without using her chakra. Just her, standing next to me, would be enough healing.

That was two weeks ago. Now, it wasn't me who had the tummy ache. Her life was in danger, and what was I doing? Turning into the Nine-Tails?

Sakura would be deeply _angered_ and _disappointed_ if she saw me this way again.

"Yamato, wait! He's calming!"

"Naruto? Naruto!"

I sat on my heels. The world regained its color. Kakashi put his hands on my shoulders. "Naruto. Can you hear me?"

The Fifth said this all started when we were thirteen. Suna had yet to attack Konoha, the chuunin exams had yet to lead to our encounter with Orochimaru, and I had yet to meet the pervert Jiraiya. No one - not even Kakashi - saw this coming. _Eyes in walls_. Sasuke felt them because those eyes were meant to watch him, only he didn't realize they also saw Sakura.

"Kakashi," I said. "You left me near the river to practice my chakra control when you went out to search for Sasuke and her, right? Back when Team Seven was still complete?"

He took a moment to answer. "Yes."

"That was the first time Kana saw her?"

"Yes."

Captain Yamato came into view. "Naruto, take hold of your emotions. Sakura is well taken care of. Nothing is certain yet."

They helped me stand. The foreign sensations departed from me, and I could hear the Nine-Tails growl in the pit of my stomach.

Lady Tsunade clasped her fingers on my jaws and turned my head down for me to see her. She scowled, but behind her annoyance was the look she had when Kabuto was beating me up because I would not stop defending her. I was too distraught to understand.

"I know how difficult this is for you, Naruto, but you have to consider how much harder it is for Sakura to unconsciously lose a part of her every day. She needs you to be strong for her. If there are two people in her life whom she will forget last, it will be you and Sasuke. And Sasuke isn't here – _you_ are. Did I make myself clear?" she said.

I couldn't nod because of the strength of her hold, so I forced my tongue to move inside my squished mouth instead. "I-I'm sorry, grandma. This will never happen again. Can I see her?"

"Compose yourself first." She let go of me and called for Shikamaru and Ino again. "Decide on how you will act when you see her. We're not exactly allowed to upset her in any way, due to the fact that it nourishes the rebirth."

"Yeah, Naruto, sit down." Captain Yamato offered me a chair, sweat clinging to his brow.

Kakashi exhaled audibly. "That was close."

"Yeah…sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, captain, Kakashi…"

"Imagine how terrified I was!" Ino motioned to her wheelchair. "I can't even run yet!"

"But Shikamaru always carries you anyway, Ino." I pointed at where he was standing, but he had already left the Hokage's office.

I stared at the door. "Did you send him off, grandma?"

She drank from the bottle of sake this time. A tinge of pink spread across her face. "Leave him alone for a while. This must be taking its toll on him. Kakashi, why don't you get Naruto and me some ramen from Ichiraku Ramen? I can't remember having eaten anything today. My treat. Get some for yourselves too, if you're hungry."

Then I realized the Fifth, too, must really be upset if she was suddenly spending money on me.

I couldn't shake it off, even while Kakashi and I ate our ramen outside the hospital. I had the reasonable answers in my head, and yet I couldn't put them into words. I needed to hear them, so I asked Kakashi, "Why did he leave like that?"

"Shikamaru?"

"Yeah."

"He was with her during the mission, Naruto," he said. "He has only himself to blame. That, plus he has the biggest role to play in saving Sakura's life. This isn't like the battles we've trained you in, but one he has to win every day starting tomorrow. Imagine pretending to be a friend's husband and watching out for every little thing you do or say just to make sure you don't upset her."

The noodles had gone cold. The beef had long been eaten. "I don't mind pretending to be Sakura's husband."

"Of course you don't." Kakashi threw his plastic bowl inside the trashcan beside our bench.

Man, I never even got to see his face. Opportunity lost again.

"But it would have been harder if you were in Shikamaru's position. Have you ever thought of that?"

"Why? I know Sakura. I'd be a great husband!"

"Yes, but she would be changing every day," he said. "Depending on the jutsu, what Sakura liked all her life may be what Kana despised – say the color pink – and you give her pink flowers, so certain that she'll love them, but suddenly she steps on them and scolds you for not remembering she's practically allergic to that color."

"So Shikamaru's obliviousness to what she does and doesn't like prevents him from having prejudices?"

"And prevents him from upsetting her and himself. Since he doesn't know her as well as you do, he won't be as easily affected by the little things that are changing."

"Emotional distance, you mean?"

"He's smart – he can figure out a way around it."

"But how can he know if the jutsu's developing if he doesn't know a single thing about Sakura in the first place?" I chewed on the noodles slowly. "I think I should ask grandma Tsunade to let me join them – you know, to make sure?"

"You and Ino will help us make a list of her hobbies, likes and dislikes…things like those. Shikamaru will always have it for reference."

Hearing his name weakened me. Sure, it was only because of his terrible timing that Sakura registered him as her husband. Sure, he was a good man and a good shinobi and he wouldn't harm her. Sure, Shikamaru was a genius. Thinking hard about it, this could be a walk in the park for him.

But I hadn't seen him so devastated before that he would walk out on us.

"Did I make it any harder for Shikamaru?" I handed the plastic bowl to Kakashi so he could throw it away. I heard it drop inside the trash bin.

"Your losing control enough that the Nine-Tails threatened to come out displayed how badly this affected you," he said. "It was inevitable for him to blame himself further. He knows how much you like Sakura, and he know how hard you've been trying to bring Sasuke back…"

"I could have unintentionally implied that he was taking Sakura away from me too, huh?"

He nodded, twisting his upper body left and right and punching in the air.

I rolled my eyes. He was getting old if eating ramen while sitting required stretching his muscles afterwards. "Am I too emotional, Kakashi?"

He tipped his head, thinking. "For someone who has a tailed beast, it would be better if you are more in control, Naruto."

The Academy's school bell rang, and the children dropped their toys and sprinted across the playground. There was a time when I was young - after I realized no kid was going to play with me - that I learned to love the sound of the school bell. I anticipated it. That bell meant playtime was over and the others had no choice but to sit with me in the same classroom whether they liked me or not.

The only instance I ever hated the school bell was the afternoon I found Shikamaru hiding behind the slide. I had crept up on him, estimating his temper, doubting myself in striking a conversation. He had lifted his head to look at me and whistled me over.

I jogged towards him. "What is it?"

"It's an injured dog."

"That's Akamaru!"

"Akamaru?"

"Yeah, you know, Kiba's dog?" I had wanted to impress him, so I reached down to pat its head, but it snarled.

Shikamaru scooted back. "Not so friendly, this dog."

Kiba approached then, grinning, panting, looking back and fro Shikamaru and I. He scooped Akamaru in his arms and tapped my forehead. "Your It!"

I slouched to my knees to view the playground, recalling my first game of tag with kids my age. I had debated whether to leave Shikamaru all alone, because it was sad to be alone, so I sat beside him and tapped his arm. "It?"

Shikamaru had sighed and stood up, as slow as the eighty-three year old man in the firework's shop stood from his comfortable chair whenever a customer arrived, and he dashed towards Kiba. "I'll get you!"

The school bell drifted to a halt. The playground was empty.

"I think so too," I said, finally. "Shikamaru's been a good friend to me, after all. I didn't mean to add to his burden."

"He's mature for his age – he'll come around bearing no grudge on you."

"All right!" I jumped to my feet. "Where can Shikamaru be?"

After searching the whole of Konoha for two hours and sixteen minutes, I found him with Shikaku and Inoichi inside the Intelligence Department. It was impossible for me to explain how demeaning it was to see those three, gigantic brains in one room. They shouldn't be allowed to hang out like this.

Shikaku and Inoichi had stopped to look at me when I entered the book-infested room, and Shizune popped up from the very back to ask what my business was to interrupt them like that.

With a scratch at the back of my head, I snickered and pointed at Shikamaru, who only saw me once he dropped the tower of blue and green books before his father

He understood and excused himself.

"Were you busy?" I asked to break the ice.

He closed the door slowly so as not to make noise. "We were just rechecking the codes we would be bringing along to the house. I'm assuming you want to talk about it?"

"Uhm, yeah, you see - "

"You don't have to apologize, Naruto." He unfastened his chuunin vest and sighed. "It was understandable – your reaction. I'll also understand if you're mad at me. I take full responsibility for what happened."

I thought that, if the rebirth jutsu hit him instead, Kana would be depressed being reborn into his body. Not only did I find the dark circles under his eyes unnatural, but the weakness of his presence compared to when I last saw him had dropped to a disturbing level. The first I saw him in Sakura's room earlier, all that had struck me was jealousy and confusion. I had neglected the fact that he had also been in intensive care for one week. "Is that why you walked out on us? Because you thought I was mad at you?"

He shifted his weight. "You want the truth? I was scared out of my life seeing you nearly transform, Naruto. Who wouldn't be? Besides, it was your initial reaction, so I don't mind if you blamed me. I left because if you saw me again so soon without having cooled down properly, you might not have been able to control yourself and lash. It's okay, Naruto – totally not your fault."

"I'm that unpredictable, huh?"

"Don't be depressed!"

"I'm not depressed…"

"If I had a tailed beast in me and the girl I liked suddenly started identifying another guy to be her husband, I would have already wiped Konoha clean."

I arched my brow and considered this. "Nah, you won't."

"Yah, I won't. Feel better?"

"I think so."

We were silent for a while. I watched my feet. While Shikamaru and Sakura were in the house inside the forest, I would train with Captain Yamato and gain total control of my emotions. "And Shikamaru, thank you for saving Sakura."

His small eyes widened.

"Yeah, I mean, you risked your life for her! There's really no reason for anybody to be blaming you!" I laughed. "And you're making the biggest sacrifice for her, right? It won't be easy - Kakashi told me - so part of the reason I wanted to talk to you so badly is to tell you that just as I will be doing everything in my power to support Sakura, I will squeeze every brain-power I have into supporting you! Although, don't count much on the brain thing – they're sort of short in supply sometimes, ha!"

Shikamaru turned around.

"Hey," I said.

He laughed so hard he had to wipe his eyes from tears.

The following morning, Lady Tsunade allowed me inside quarantine to say goodbye to Sakura. Before we entered, Shikamaru said that if anyone could make her feel better, it would be me. He was flattering me, it was obvious, but I wanted to believe it was true.

If I could make Sakura happy, even just a tiny bit, I would be happy too.

She was tying her forehead protector around her head when I entered. "I'm almost ready, just-" She turned and blinked at me. I grinned and waved at her.

"Naruto!"

"Hey,"

She approached me, and when I thought she was going to throw her arms around me, she punched my head. " _What is wrong with you_?" she said. "I asked Kakashi how your mission went, and he said you had to be sent back to Konoha because of a stomach dilemma. _Stomach dilemma?_ Did you hear what I told you before I left for my mission?"

Rubbing my fresh bump, I answered, "Check expiration date, and check expiration date again. I did! I really did! Choji even helped me!"

"Then what's wrong with your stomach?"

"It's the medicine from the pharmacy!" I stroked my stomach. "They're terrible! They gave me medicine for skin rashes instead! I told you, Sakura, you're the only doctor for me."

She sucked in a breath, sat on the bed, and exhaled. "I give up. I'll tell Ino on my way out what medicines work for you when you have a fever, a stomach ache, and that really annoying cold of yours that lasts for weeks. I'll also contact Nami to prepare a weekly grocery for you, but it will be expensive. Ah, what the heck, you have the money to pay it. What else? Naruto, about your apartment – "

"Sakura? You look beautiful today."

She gawked and then she frowned. "Are you trying to borrow money from me?"

"No."

"I will be gone for some days, maybe weeks, I really can't tell." She stood in front of me, her expression changing from worried to angry to content. "Promise me you will take care of yourself. Don't…just don't do anything rash with searching for Sasuke without telling me first…or asking for my help. As soon as I'm done with those codes, I promise I'll never leave your side again, and we'll look for him together. Promise me, Naruto."

 _Sakura, please do not change._ Her appearance was still hers, but granny and Shikamaru and Kakashi were all correct. Her voice had altered; her voice was a pitch higher now. She still wore pink, thank goodness. Her strength did not lessen in brutality, but around her was a gentleness so foreign I could smell it. The scent emanating from her was far from that of cherry blossoms, and it nauseated me. _Please_ , Sakura. If I promised, would you also promise to come back the same?

"You know," I murmured, putting my hand on her shoulder. "I could never have managed Sasuke leaving if you were gone as well."

This hushed her.

The door behind us slid ajar, and Shikamaru cleared his throat. "Sorry, but it's time for us to go, Naruto. Sakura, you ready?"

Her countenance brightened at the sight of him, and she grabbed her bags on top of the bed and passed me by.

"Oh, and Naruto," She winked. "I came home like you asked me to."


	9. Chapter Eight

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Eight**

 **Shikamaru**

Kakashi entered the Hokage's office through the window. The swiftness of his movements indicated momentum. He'd probably been running around Konoha, executing commands on behalf of his superiors since early this morning. "Naruto's with Sakura right now," he said. "Everything's ready for your departure to the forest. "

Lady Tsunade set aside her paperwork. Though hunched over her desk and moving about with a slowness that revealed her true age, her gaze remained as sharp as ever. "How's he handling it?"

"Better, I suppose. He spoke to Shikamaru yesterday."

She leaned back on her chair and motioned for me to step forward . "He did? And how was it?"

"Naruto won't be a problem," I said. "He understands the nature of the mission. Furthermore, he's managed to grasp that I haven't taken advantage of Sakura before, during, and after the mission."

She raised her brow. "Taken advantage…?"

Shikaku, who had been standing to her far left, cleared his throat and answered for me. "I believe that's supposed to cover all aspects of that vague phrase."

"But Shikamaru never hurt Sakura," said Ino, shuffling beside Shizune as she organized a pile of envelopes beside the Hokage's desks. Mission reports, maybe. Everything in the past three years that could hint on activities from Takeo's program. She blew her hair off her face and when that did not do the trick, she tipped her head to the right and then backwards. "Or else dad would've seen it."

The growing awkwardness in the room was almost tangible, I couldn't help but swallow hard. Before Inoichi or Shizune could jump into the conversation to clear the matter for Ino, I raised both of my hands and told her that they weren't referring to physical or verbal abuse. "They're interested in knowing whether I'd had any sort of intimacy with Sakura. No emotions involved. Just plain physical, since we've all confirmed that I have no romantic inclination to her. Why I have to do this in front of everybody is beyond me."

Inoichi raced everybody to a reaction. "We're feeling our way in the dark, Shikamaru. And your personal life is inevitably involved in this case. Whatever information you divulge will be handled professionally."

"Because nobody believed me the first time I said I haven't touched her."

"No," said Shikaku. "Rather it's because we are crossing out all possibilities to narrow our focus. The reason we're here is to vouch for you and for Sakura because, unfortunately, she's not _wholly present_ to speak for herself."

Shizune opened her black notebook and took out her pen. "If you're telling the truth, then it appears Sakura lost her virginity to somebody else."

I choked on my own saliva. Ino dropped the envelopes and gawked at Shizune. " _Forehead_? Lose her _virginity_? Without telling _me_? _No way_!"

"Thank you for the initiative to share that with our team," said Lady Tsunade, scanning the faces in the room. "If Ino doesn't know, who does?"

"W-why do we need a name?" I knocked on my chest three times and coughed the uneasiness in my throat. "Isn't it enough to know she's – well – sexually active? We're talking about Sakura here. She really isn't the type to be fooling around with anybody. Let alone an enemy."

"So knowledgeable about her all of a sudden." The Fifth uncapped her bottle of sake, eyes still fixed on me. "Have any guess?"

"No."

Kakashi's eyelid drooped lower. Practically his way of being vague about his thoughts on Sakura getting into bed with the most likely men she'd do it with. "Definitely not Naruto," he said.

"Wasn't even considering him, Kakashi."

Shikaku stroked his beard once and motioned to the envelopes. "Is there nothing about her previous missions that could have led her to elicit sex as part of a strategy?"

"Highly unlikely," chorused the Fifth and Kakashi. They turned their head slightly to stare at one another. The authority in their speech both claimed superior understanding of Sakura as her mentors, and although their opinions conformed, Kakashi had to prove his side. Sex wasn't something women like Sakura would've discussed with a male so freely, after all. If she did, she wouldn't come running to Kakashi. The old pervert may be dependable in a life-and-death situation, but questionable in everything else.

Kakashi rolled his eye up to the ceiling. "Our last mission together proved more troublesome than we expected. She suggested using her 'feminine charm' to seduce the leader of the bandits into surrendering the hostage peacefully, but she strayed from the plan when she saw he was anything but handsome. Or human. I didn't approve of the plan, anyway. As far as I'm aware of her missions, it was only that one time last year that anything sexual could have happened to her. The rest was accomplished plainly through brute force. Even if she wouldn't have admitted it in her written report or during the debriefing, I'm doubtful nobody would've noticed. She's an open book to those who know her."

Shizune wrinkled her nose. She tapped her pen against the paper. "We check her thoroughly every after mission – just like we do with every other kunoichi upon their return home. She'd been a virgin from her last mission to the time before her mission with Shikamaru and Sai."

Ino snorted. "Sai wouldn't have known what to do."

Lady Tsunade simply flipped through her own black notebook. "Well, since nobody can name the bastard or even tell us when, we can assume her hymen broke due to physical exertion in training or in battle."

And just like that, Sakura was back to being a virgin.

"Her hymen sure has suspicious timing," said Ino.

"If that isn't the case, however, we'll have to keep an eye out for physical manifestations of Kana's body on Sakura. Although I'm highly doubtful a rebirth starts in the reproductive system. Given the amount of time between the kidnapping and the rescue, I'm also doubtful Ryo had enough time to rape her. Her memories gave no such hints." She pointed at me with her pen. "You on the other hand, have had three different sexual partners in the past five months as was written in your last medical questionnaire. Or would you like to come clean now in case what you wrote wasn't the entire truth?"

I folded my arms across my chest and kept myself from sighing. My sex life wasn't the most pleasant topic to discuss in front of my father or any of my superiors, but it wasn't as though I could evade it now that the Hokage herself had brought it up.

Reducing three to one would only turn me into a loser pretending to be a big shot with the ladies by lying on his medical exam. But staying quiet like this, contemplating my options, also gave others the idea that three was thirteen and I was pondering the consequences of male prostitution. In the end, I sighed and said, "That's three altogether in the past five months. Nothing more, nothing less. What do my sexual activities got to do with this?"

"The rebirth's effects may be delayed," answered Shizune. "We need to confirm facts. Personal facts. See if any of your previous missions, people you've had intimate relationships with, those you've had an encounter with at the Southern District – "

"Southern District?" Shikaku dropped his stoic act in an instant. He turned from Shizune to me. " _Shikamaru_?"

"Only one of the three," I said. The voice to admit that hardly made it out of my mouth. "Naturally, I don't know her name. Her real name, at least. But she introduced herself as Emiko. The other two are acquaintances. Should I divulge you with their names so you can investigate them, too? See if they had contact with the enemy? Although I doubt it because it appears only Sakura was the target."

"And you're not romantic with the other two women?"

"No. It was just a matter of who was there and when."

"I'm afraid there will be a need for names. For precaution. This wasn't a spur of the moment plot. It was well thought of. I won't be surprised if you've been researched beforehand. The requirements of the mission specifically fit the character and skill of each one of you. A highly skilled medic to study and remedy an unknown disease – Sakura. A source of quick transportation and communication – Sai. An intelligent shinobi to assess the disease and its possible threats to nearby villages – you, Shikamaru."

My forearms felt cold. I closed my eyes and suddenly the entire mission was a blur of treachery from each person involved and topped by my stupidity. "Misaki Hanazawa."

"Misaki as in the Misaki who helped design the new water distribution plan in the village?"

"The other one - the Misaki who apprentices under our head architect."

Ino's frown continued to deepen. I pretended not to notice, especially when the Fifth demanded for the second name.

"Miss Sanae Fujimura," I muttered. "The two of us were heavily inebriated during the festival. We didn't…neither of us would've – I mean to say that if you are going to sanction her, you have to sanction me also. We were both aware it shouldn't have happened."

All but Ino and I groaned in disapproval. Kakashi followed his by a nervous chuckle. "It appears Miss Sanae's been targeting younger shinobis."

"This is no laughing matter," said Inoichi. "I thought you'd be the last person to fall for her trick, Shikamaru. I'm disappointed."

Shikaku kept his eyes closed and his fingers on his nose bridge. I turned to Shizune, who passed a note to Lady Tsunade.

"Trick me? Does anybody plan on explaining?" I asked.

"She's mastered a certain immunity to alcohol," Kakashi said, a smile visible behind his mask. "So when you say the two of you were heavily inebriated, that means only _you_ were heavily inebriated and she was pretty much aware that she was going to make out with her underling."

Lady Tsunade hid her bottle of sake all of a sudden. The rigidness of her movements and the stiffness of her facial muscles suggested this issue had been playing in her mind for a while. "Sanae served as spy for Konoha in the war. She purposely made herself immune to alcohol in order to gain the advantage in her missions, which mostly required her to… _interact_ with men and gain information from them through whatever means possible. She's one of the few people separate from ANBU who were tasked to fulfil those kinds of mission because of her excellent use of genjutsu."

"And excellent features," added Kakashi.

Shizune gawked at Kakashi. "Don't tell me you too!"

"It's true what they say about her immunity to alcohol," he said. "And no, it wasn't me. I saved Yamato from getting experimented on. He was so smitten by her that she didn't even have to try. He only came with me when I pointed out that Sanae had already collected DNA from his mouth."

"Wait, you're saying she tricked me into-?"

"She did," the Fifth answered. "And you won't be the first. At least now I'm aware of what I should do with her. She can't go on like this. Especially not under _my_ reign. Corrupting young shinobis like that. Even Yamato! I'll speak to him after this."

Kakashi volunteered to fetch him. "He doesn't have to know your sources."

"Anything else you'd like to add, Shikamaru?"

"N-no. Nothing. That should be all."

"Now that we've settled that, let's move on to the mission. Since neither Sakura nor you are so innocent anymore - well, Sakura's is still unclear at this point - and your present circumstances makes it highly plausible for her to initiate sex while in the mission, I want you to do everything in your power to abstain without hurting her feelings. After all, we won't want Kana getting upset. But I'm prohibiting you from physical intimacy primarily because we're unsure of how it can deter or progress the rebirth in her. You might be wondering how you'll manage to handle her and this mission without any form of physical contact. Let's set the boundaries here for the sake of establishing controllable factors in our research. No sex. Not any form of it. Kissing is okay. But keep it to a minimum. Groping-"

"I get it!" I said, forcing myself to look at her and only her. "I get the picture, Lady Tsunade. As you said, I'm not new to this thing. I can imagine how you want me to play the part of her husband. It's clear as day."

Shikaku suddenly spoke up. But not about my carelessness. He recited my emergency options in other circumstances. Any medical dilemma and emergencies should be carefully evaluated before seeking the help of ANBU. Any suspicious progress or new ideas I'd conjure, I have to send to Konoha. And that was apart from my daily reports. Things like those.

I waited for him to reprimand me but no word of spite came.

As soon as he was finished giving orders to the rest of the team, Lady Tsunade stood and commenced the mission.

Kakashi left the office through the window. Shizune and Ino stayed behind to discuss medical information with the Hokage, and before the two of them moved to the front of her desk with their envelopes and boxes of mission reports, I caught Ino frowning at me.

I didn't have the liberty of time to pull her aside. Although we were aware that both of us had long graduated from the thrill of simply flirting with the opposite sex, neither had made a big deal out of it. We were still ino and Shikamaru, Asuma's students and childhood friends. No open discussion about our partners, whether in dating or in bed. But this rebirth case had forced us to cross a line that bulwarked the comfort we felt in each other's presence. The case brought a sensitive awareness down with it that would make friendship or romance between us a daring pursuit.

I closed the door behind me and called after Shikaku. He stopped to look back at me. Inoichi, already a few paces ahead of him, immediately said that he'd be waiting for him in their meeting place with Kakashi after our hearty conversation.

He and I stood in awkward silence for several moments. I shifted my weight from leg to leg, uncertain if I should be the one to start or if I should be the one to keep my mouth shut all throughout.

Shikaku waved me over. "C'mon. Let's walk."

"Dad-"

"We can't waste time," he said. "I'll scold you while we walk. Let's go."

I fell in stride with him. He acknowledged a passing kunoichi who greeted us. After a turn to the next corridor, he said, "That you're sexually active does not surprise me." A pause. "Actually, it does. I thought you'd be too lazy to do it."

"Geez. Sorry on behalf of my laziness. It didn't mean to disappoint you."

"But then again, this was bound to happen."

I stopped fiddling with the metal hook of my pocket. "Excuse me?"

"I should have talked to you about these things sooner," he said. "I'm sorry, son."

"Dad."

"I'm serious."

"Please don't get all emotional on me to make me guilty. I've fallen for that once and I'm not falling for it again."

He put his hand on my shoulder. His fingers pressed hard against my muscles. "I've been to the Southern District when I was your age. I have no right to act as though I haven't done what you've done. It's fun at first, especially when you're with your friends, but it can certainly lead to complications. That's not to say that getting women pregnant out of wedlock is okay so long as they're not from that place. All I'm meaning for you to consider is that yours is a delicate position. We may not be a noble clan, but we do contribute a big deal to the success of the Leaf village. And the Pillars aren't exactly happy that you've been proving useful to the Village but not to our clan."

"I haven't been slacking like all of you think I am," I said. "I did monitor the clan activities and leave you a report before I went on a mission with Sakura and Sai, remember? Perhaps the Pillars should be reminded that Konoha is currently short on men and Lady Tsunade's given me the task of three jounins."

"I've told them that over and over, but they're not going to change their opinion of us," he said. "The best thing you can do now is to – " grimacing, suddenly looking more tired than he'd ever been " – choose your partners carefully. Although I'd prefer it if you'd be more responsible and wait until you're married. Use protection. Don't ever cross paths with Sanae again."

I rubbed my eyes to hide my irritation. "I can't believe it."

"For that one, I'm not blaming you."

"Yeah, you shouldn't."

Shikaku blushed. "Apart from being naturally cunning in her ways, she has a thing for men in our clan."

I stopped walking and stared at him, both eyebrows raised. "Don't tell me-"

He put his hands on his waist and held his breath for a second before exhaling audibly. "No. She's still trying to lure me, but it's safe to say your mother has made her warnings pretty clear. However, Sanae being Sanae, I didn't expect her to give up so easily. What I didn't consider was that you've grown old enough for her to target without making herself look like a pedophile."

"The age gap makes her look like a pedophile."

"Your mother certainly won't be happy to know that Sanae succeeded with you."

"She-mom-mom doesn't have to know right? Right, dad?"

Shikaku checked the corridor for eavesdroppers. "For both our sakes, no. It'll be our secret."

"What does she want from us? Did you offend her or anything? Is she mesmerized by how ordinary we look?"

"She's not into the way we look so don't flatter yourself. Sanae's obsessed with our intellect. And since using her face and body is her means of optimizing the use of her genjutsu, she's practically made it her mission to bed every Nara and see what's so great about our gene."

I found myself recalling the events that had transpired in the festival two months ago. Chouji had just excused himself to throw up – the poor guy still couldn't hold his drink – and I'd been left alone in our booth in the restaurant for a while when she showed up. She sat next to me, her chuunin vest still on but the straps already dangling from their hooks. She had hair paler than Ino's and eyes greener than Sakura's. She showed her age but carried it well. When we walked in the streets later that evening, the tired vendors still bothered to stare at her.

The first thought that came to mind when I first saw her was that I'd already finished work early for the day in order to enjoy the festival. If she came there to order me around, I wouldn't have been sober enough to decline politely. But instead she sat one chair apart from me and ordered another round of drinks. What followed had been a witty exchange about the project we'd cooperated with to accomplish.

Had Shikaku known about that project, he would've intervened for sure. But everybody was busy and I'd hardly seen him at all for three weeks. Before I knew it, Sanae and I were back in her office on a dare to solve an old puzzle from the first generation of shinobis that she'd been attempting to decipher. How I transitioned from solving a puzzle to ravishing my commander was something I couldn't recount in detail.

I lowered my head to affect grave frustration. If the corridors had only been dimmer, I wouldn't have any trouble hiding the colour of my face. "If you're going to check her for suspicious activities – I'm sure you'll find plenty considering her reputation among your ranks – it might help to…just, she dared me to solve this puzzle. An old one. Told me not even you could've solved it. Naturally, it was encouraging enough in my drunken state to follow her to her office."

"Don't – " Shikaku shook his head fast and curled his fists, almost raising them to my face " – go into detail. I don't need those kinds of information. It's troublesome enough that I have to deal with this strange matter with you."

"There was a puzzle," I said, shrugging one shoulder and gesturing aimlessly with my hands. "It-it looked suspicious. I don't remember being able to solve it."

"That's worth looking into." Shikaku stretched his neck left, right, forward, and back. On his face was a look of sheer pain. "Okay. Enough about this. I'll deal with her about that puzzle with the help of - of someone."

"Right." I made a motion to pat his back. "Find someone to help you, dad. I don't want to come home to find mom as murdered you."

I fetched Sakura in her quarters and said goodbye to Naruto. He grinned at the two of us without a hint of anger or jealousy, making me wonder how it was possible to live his life and still be so genuine. He made people like me feel somewhat incompetent. I had a family. An entire clan, in fact. And yet I still had trouble finding anything about life worth smiling about.

Not after Asuma's death.

Kakashi and Shikaku led our group through a secret passage that would land us straight to the middle of the Forest outside Konoha. From there, we'd use a shortcut to the Nara Forest that Shikaku hadn't taught me yet. While they briefed us of our route and expected arrival time at each rendezvous point where an ANBU would be waiting for us (they made a convincing explanation about worries of Ryo and Kana's accomplices ambushing us while Shikaku and Kakashi carried confidential files for the mission) I couldn't help but notice their cautious approach to Sakura. Perhaps, like me, they were also wondering who the 'bastard' was and how appearances were deceiving. The thought that she'd done it - in spite of there being sufficient ambiguity to counter this assumption - wasn't the mystery. It was the fact that nobody knew – not even Ino, for crying out loud. Until we had that meeting in the office, those of us who cared enough to assume things about her sex life believed she was saving herself for Sasuke.

"Did they include Shikamaru's medical results?" Sakura asked as we waded through the vegetation in the forest.

Kakashi looked back at us to answer. "It's not part of your mission to act as his doctor, Sakura. You're still recovering yourself. Lady Tsunade will be sending someone to check on the two of you regularly."

"Or she might go there herself," said Shikaku.

Sakura glimpsed me through the corner of her eye. "Yes, but…you can at least provide me with a general idea."

"I will, Sakura," I said with a forced smile. "In the forest. So don't worry about it, okay?"

"If you say so."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Why shouldn't I be?"

"You sound like you're upset."

"No, I don't. I'm not upset."

"Was Ino able to pack everything you need?"

"She packed every piece of clothing I don't wear anymore."

"Must've been unconscious on her part," I said. "What did you and Naruto talk about?"

"This and that."

Her nonchalance irked me. "Interesting. It makes me feel guilty for disturbing you."

"What's with the sour attitude today, Shikamaru?"

"See, you _are_ upset." I noted her right hand, how it remained at her side. She didn't scratch her back. "Cough it out, Sakura."

She pouted at me, her cheeks already as pink as her hair. "Why are you suddenly so pushy?"

"Perks of being your husband."

She scratched the base of her back and purposely slowed her steps. I matched her pace, realizing she wanted to distance ourselves from Kakashi and Shikaku enough to escape their hearing. "Shikamaru – " pushing her hair aside and taking a deep breath " – It's been fifteen years already, huh?"

I stopped walking. "That's what's been upsetting you? How long we've been married?"

She opened and closed her mouth and decided to drop the conversation. Kakashi and Shikaku were not waiting for us several feet ahead, and Kakashi made the effort to appear innocent of what had been going on. "We need to hurry up, you two," he called out. "Or are you not feeling good enough to travel?"

Shikaku suggested we take a rest.

I stepped in front of her and held her arm lightly. "Do you need to take a break?"

She squinted at me. Her hands reached up to my cheeks and pulled my face closer to hers. I clutched her wrists, stammering, afraid she was going to kiss me in front of Shikaku, when suddenly she released me and touched her forehead. "I don't need to rest. I'm sorry. I'm being funny, aren't I? Fifteen years is a long time, don't you think so, Shikamaru?"

"Yeah, it does."

She gave me a half-hearted smile.

The real reason I couldn't shake off the team's discussion about her personal life struck me like lightning on a clear day. It was her smile – that innocent desire behind her hard work as a shinobi – that made me put my hands on her shoulders and squeeze them.

While Shizune and the Hokage doubted Ryo had raped her, the lack of confirmation weighed on me.

I swore to myself then that if Ryo had indeed touched her, I would find his body, put his cock in his mouth, and feed his head to the crows. After that I'd burn him. I'd burn him until even his ashes could not hold any evidence of his existence.


	10. Chapter Nine

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Nine**

 **Shikaku / Shikamaru**

 **Shikaku:**

I returned to my office by noon and left it again half an hour later. Past the faded green bridge that connected the Hokage Tower to the west wing of the military compound, everything was made of metal. The walls, the doors, and the miniscule bumps on the corners that contained seals to deactivate any shape-shifting ninjutsu, evoked the feeling of imprisonment. The chill that raced up and down the length of my arms, however, didn't come from the hostility of the corridors' ambiance.

I twisted the doorknob and let myself into Laboratory 5F. The shinobis at work turned to look at me, their hands in mid-air as they paused from their respective tasks. The last person to lift her head was Sanae. She moved only after she finished reading the report she held at a distance from her face and dropped it on a stack of papers on the floor.

Opening the door wider, I told everybody to leave the room immediately. Sanae's underlings turned to her in question, and when she merely stared back at me, I yelled for them to exit the room in three seconds.

They were gone in two.

Sanae slipped her gloves off and sat on the edge of the table, legs crossed. Her fringe hid the scar above her eyebrow that I'd caused in one of our bouts. She'd been proud of showing off my handiwork before. Why she hid it now struck me as suspicious behavior.

"If this interruption is anything less than threat of an invasion, Shikaku, I'm accusing you of – "

I locked the door. "You touched my son."

She lowered her hands to her lap. "How did you find out? Is he pregnant? I'm sure I recommended a morning-after pill."

" _You touched my_ _son_ , Sanae."

"Oh, relax, Shikaku! I wasn't his first."

I inhaled, and when I released it through gritted teeth, I was on top of her with my hand on her neck. I pushed her head into the sink. She spread her arms across the table and gripped whatever objects her hands found. Saliva spilled from the corners of her mouth to her cheekbones. She struggled beneath my weight. I extended my shadows to her thighs to restrain her. More gagging. More kicking. Less breathing. When her squirming weakened, I loosened my fingers on her throat and retracted my shadow from around her limbs.

Sanae lifted herself by her elbows. I lowered myself to her abdomen and encircled her head with my hands, my thumb caressing her cheeks. "Your next move against my family will be your last activity in the world of the living. Do you understand, woman?"

"Und – " gasping for breath " – derstood. Understood, sir."

"Did you tell him about Aiko?"

"No. I'd never do that to you, Shikaku."

"Good. Because if you did, I'd forget you were Aiko's friend and I'd decapitate you here and now."

She trembled as she laughed. "You-you know what's going to k-kill you, Shikaku? You have no ears. You don't know how to listen. Y-you were actually going to strangle me to death, weren't-weren't you?"

"You thought this was a joke to me?"

She stretched her neck and rubbed the tip of her nose against mine. "Someday soon, Shikaku, your son is going to be targeted for what he keeps in his brain. And you're going to come crawling to me for help to save him."

The door squeaked behind us. Sanae glimpsed the person from over my shoulder. "Your friend has come to fetch you. It's time to get off me, old man. Or I'd start to think you're jealous of what your son got from me."

"Shikaku," called Inoichi. "Take a hold of yourself! Release Sanae!"

I stared at my reflection in her eyes. Green the color of poison. I waited for her to confess agenda for seducing my son, to give me a reason apart from motives related to the rebirth case, to blame me again for Aiko's death, but she merely smiled at me.

 **Shikamaru:**

Her hair was coiled in a ponytail, and she wore a white bandana to keep her bangs off her face. There wasn't much to talk about. While I overturned tables and wiped them clean, she swept the floor and opened windows.

Half-done with the living room, she asked why I had stopped coming here.

I paused from hauling the bookshelf to catch my breath. "I'm not really sure about that. I guess after grandpa died, it just became too lonely for dad to return to this place, more so bring his family along."

"Do you need help with that?"

"Nah, I can move this myself," I said. "It's not that heavy."

"Maybe I'm still tired, 'cause I find all your wooden furniture extremely heavy." She tugged down her bandana and mopped her face with it.

I turned my head away to hide a sigh. The day was just beginning, and I already felt like noodles. Noodles. Naruto would have had no problem lifting these things.

"Would you mind if I ask what your grandfather was like?" Sakura glimpsed me while she slipped the curtains off the rod.

"I never told you about him?"

"I wouldn't be asking."

"You might have forgotten."

She sat on the floor, handling the curtains quietly. There was a slight snap to her movements. "You never tell me about yourself," she muttered. "You always have me figure things out. I won't mind if you answer once in a while. I rarely ask, anyway."

Ryo was like that.

I dabbed my hands on my shirt and sat opposite her. She slowed her movements, conscious of me.

Perhaps Ryo was the kind of man who avoided talking about himself any way he could. Would it be out of character to open up, or would it help earn her trust?

I cupped my face and rested my elbow on my knee. "What do you want to know about grandpa?"

She poked the windowpane with the rod to widen the gap and allow the air to enter. "What was his name?"

Ryo never told her anything, and they never returned to their villages. There was no way Kana would have found out, unless she was in contact with any of Ryo's relatives, which I doubted. A girl as submissive as her would not do such a thing behind her husband's back, so Sakura couldn't be testing me right now. I would tell her the truth, and she would believe me.

"Michio," I said. "It means 'man with the strength of three thousand'."

She folded the curtains on her lap.

"What?" I said.

"Nothing."

"You're smiling. That's not nothing."

She burst into giggles. "It's…that name's beautiful. I like that name. Was he as brutal as his name implies?"

I took six from the mount of orange curtains and folded them so she would not notice me calculating her answers. "He's a lot stronger than dad, and he was the best in the Intelligence Division. In fact, he was the one who helped Ino's family develop the mind infiltration technique, so more than one can access the brain at the same time. He bullies dad to be as great as he was, and he often took away my toys to force me to study harder, but nothing worked. They were always arguing, always on opposite poles…mom would cover my ears as we run from the house and into the forest. Whenever I'd ask why they hated each other, she would tell me, 'no, they don't hate each other, Shikamaru. Father and son fight, it can't be helped, but it's because they love each other so much they don't want either to get hurt.' But then she would embrace me and cry and I would be as confused as hell. I only acknowledged her excuse as the truth when grandpa died and father locked himself up in this house for a week."

"…Do you miss him?"

"Maybe."

"Is it okay to ask what you remember most about him?"

I peered at her fists – at her fingers clasping the fabric. It could be that if Ryo did tell her stories, he got pissed when she probed some more.

"Hmm…gramps was rarely happy with me…" I jolted at my sudden recollection, and then winced. "There is one thing: whenever I am left alone with him, he sits me down and tells me that I am the first born son, and I will carry the Nara name, so I better become an excellent shinobi and make good choices. He…he lectured me on the importance of listening to my father."

"Shikaku seems to be very proud of you," Sakura cooed. "I bet if Grandpa Michio is alive, he'd be happy with you now."

I couldn't help but sneer. "I hope so. Thanks. How about you?"

"I never met any of my grandparents," She said. "Mom's parents died when she was ten, and dad's died before I was born."

Was I speaking to Kana or to Sakura? Better find out. Best be careful. "Has your family always lived in this village?"

She brushed her stray locks behind her ear. "In Konoha?"

I nodded.

"My great-grandparents moved here during the reign of the second Hokage," she said.

Kana was from the Hidden-Lock village. She was still Sakura, I thought. I lay on the floor and stretched. I was so much more relieved than I expected to be. There was no telling how I could handle her morphing into Kana so early in this mission.

"Tired, Shikamaru?"

"A bit. I'll go check the other rooms, 'kay?"

As the day went on, Sakura proved to be more responsible and adequate than I expected. We finished cleaning the second floor of the house so swiftly, partly because I was excellent at hiding dirt, and partly because of her stamina. The sorting and classifying of the scrolls attributed solely to my determination to avoid repeating this boring task the following day.

Surprise, surprise. Grandpa's ridicules pertaining to my laziness were seeping into my ears, beating my conscience. The best I could do to drive him out was to hum grandma's favorite lullaby.

It worked.

Our conversations drifted to Naruto and the disturbing odor of his apartment, to her medical practice, and to my contributions to the new defense tactics of Konoha. Sakura and I were on separate rooms when she asked what I wanted to eat. That was the only time it occurred to me how loudly my stomach was growling. It was past three o'clock.

"Um, what I usually take!"

Her footsteps sounded on the hall. Soon, she was standing on the doorway, cradling a box on either arm. "There are no seafood in the fridge. Will beef do?"

Mental note: Ryo usually ate seafood. I could tolerate that.

"It's fine." I flattened the rag so she would not see the mass of dirt underneath.

At four o'clock, we were on the dining table, eating food that was not just edible, but actually tasty. I slowed down, suddenly, despite my hunger. The beef reminded me of Choji. I bet he was talking to the Hokage now, asking of ways he could help me. He was always like that, willing to sacrifice all he had for the friends he considered precious to him. The rice, on the other hand, reminded me of Ino. She never ate rice because Sakura always called her fat.

After eating, I washed the dishes, and we returned to working on breaking the seals of the scrolls.

We had gone quiet then, perhaps tired with all the work we accomplished and the chakra we spent. Every time she would roll her shoulders back and groan, I would tell her to stop and rest. My nagging eventually fueled her temper, and she finally asked the cause of my underestimating her. I lied about the instability of the seals placed around the scrolls, even adding that Inoichi was hesitant to send that bunch to us.

Sakura spent the next five hours outside the house, performing all necessary measures to ensure no scroll would explode upon the seal's release.

In those hours, I hid inside grandpa's library, where I scanned the shelves for any deciphering books. This was supposed to be the stock room, but grandpa saw no reason to keep unused belongings, so he threw them all away without grandma's knowledge and built his empire of books here. Their scuffles here were famous tales in our clan.

One time, grandma attempted to burn the whole room down.

I was too intent on keeping my mind off the rebirth jutsu that I only noticed it was evening when the words on the pages were barely visible.

Darkness immersed the entire library.

I walked out, rubbing my eyes, bullying myself to stay awake, but it was no use. I desperately wanted to sleep.

"Sakura?" I yelled. It took me several moments to link those two consecutive thoughts to the prospect I had been avoiding all day.

I was sleepy. I was searching for Sakura.

 _Shit._

The front door was in view. I could pretend to take a walk and hope that she was already lethargic, if not unconscious, when I came back. I would rest in the other room, and sneak inside hers come morning. Certainly, she would be too tired to mind me.

"Shikamaru!" she responded from the second floor. "I put your bag in our room!"

There was a crash, a gasp, and an awkward pause. I dashed upstairs and nearly slipped as I grabbed the doorframe of the only lit room.

Sakura stuck her tongue out apologetically and rubbed her nape. "I was transferring your things when this box fell."

"I-It's okay, you don't have to fix my things. I can do that myself. You're tired, Sakura." I removed my socks, wheezing, and saw the rubber bands scattered everywhere. Panic coursed in my bloodstream. Mother would be furious if I lost one of those. I swept them into the box, counting each one as I did so.

She grazed her thumb over the cover of the wooden box. "It has your name engraved on it."

"Ninety-nine -" I touched the band around my hair. " - One hundred."

"Why are you counting them?"

"Mother made me a hundred of these." I put it back inside my bag. "It's for good fortune – a tradition in the Nara clan. Mothers are supposed to make their first born sons a hundred of the rubber bands made on a specific fiber found in our forest."

"It seems there's still so much I don't know about you, Shikamaru." Sakura sat on the bed and tucked her legs beneath her, lost in her loneliness.

Her demeanor had grown softer now. I guess it would be safe to presume her relationship with Ryo wasn't so pleasant. It could be that they found comfort and belongingness in each other's company during the time they doubted Takeo's program, explaining why they got married at nineteen. If she was furtively upset by Ryo's secretive nature, then I had no choice but open myself to her.

I had no choice but to do this anyway.

Sitting beside her, I took her hand and slipped Kana's wedding ring on her finger.

Sakura's face flushed a disturbing color of red, and I didn't know whether the jutsu was affecting her or the gesture simply flattered her.

"I demanded it back," I said.

"It's as good as new…" She brought her fist to her face in order to examine it. She asked for mine.

I gave her the ring, and then my hand, and let her slip it on me.

Inside my chest, my heart did multiple shadow clone jutsus that swamped my head. The ring was colder than snow on my tongue, and her hands were hotter than Asuma's cigarette smoke in my eyes.

This was something I had never imagined of doing at this age. Wedding rings at sixteen, pretending to be married because of a two-second mistake. This was beyond the normal life I had always dreamt of.

Her joy was not hers. This lie was the last thing she deserved.

I could tell her the truth now, and maybe find another way around this. We could fix this without having to fool her and without having to scare me. I didn't have to give in to her, and she didn't have to believe me.

"Sakura."

She kept smiling at her ring. "Yeah?"

"Listen, there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

"I thought so. You've been acting strange all day."

I couldn't look her in the eyes anymore. "Do you…remember? Anything from the time Ryo knocked you unconscious in the cave to the time I rescued you?"

"Nothing much. Why?" She put her hand on my chest when I didn't respond. "Shikamaru, if there's anything on your mind that-"

"If that man touched you." I clutched her fingers to keep her connected to me. To remind myself that this time, she was physically safe by my side. "If that bastard touched you, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."

"He didn't."

I raised my head.

Sakura pried her fingers from mine. She embraced herself. "I can retain a sensual awareness of my environment even after I'm knocked unconscious. So I'm not totally unconscious. It's more of a paralysis of the will. If he'd come anywhere near me with his dick, I'd have woken up immediately to kick his ass."

"This is no joke to me, Sakura."

"Okay, I wouldn't have been able to wake up," she said, rolling her eyes. "The point of it was to stay in the know of what's happening while I'm paralyzed. I wouldn't have been able to stop him but I'd have known. The last thing I felt was water beneath my body before something just cut me off completely. Now stop looking like you've offered me on a platter to some S-class scum! Really, Shikamaru, you tear yourself down for the silliest matters! I'm fine!"

Water beneath her? The pond? Unless Ryo prioritized his sex drive above the rebirth, he wouldn't have raped her on the pond. It might've also affected the rebirth's outcome negatively. Any matter from his body transferred to hers would've resulted to something. _Anything_. Simply because whatever came from him wouldn't have been a natural component of her body.

He couldn't have. There would have been no point to stripping the women naked in a pond for the rebirth. Somehow, rape before a ceremony so sensitive and unstable felt wrong.

I threw myself on the bed and put my arm over my eyes.

Sakura poked my side. "I'm sorry for making you worry."

"Don't be sorry. It wasn't your fault."

"Sleepy? I am."

"I take the left side of the bed, okay?"

"There's a mattress in the other room. I'm sure you can bring it here yourself. I cleaned the floor. Don't stay up late." She spread the blanket over her legs and kicked me off the bed.

I let the shock subside before I dragged the mattress into our room. The light had long been switched off, and she had long drifted into her dreams.

Until past midnight, I could not put order into my thoughts.

I should be profusely relieved that we didn't sleep in one bed. Staying in one room was not a problem at the least. I could watch and care for Sakura in this proximity without provoking Lady Tsunade's temper or worrying Shikaku.

Yes, I would be more comfortable this way.

Yes, yes, yes…but something was not right here. Married people, as far as I knew, slept on the same bed. Yet, Sakura did not even consider the idea. Could it be that a part of her recognized me only as a friend? Impossible! She was too exhilarated with the wedding rings.

The more rational idea would be that she was this way with Ryo.

He was always absent, and she was used to sleeping alone.

That would be an utter contrast to how mom behaved whenever Shikaku came home from a mission. She would stare at him while he ate and never let go of his hand to the point that she annoyed even me.

Were Kana and Ryo really married, or was this another ploy they wanted us to believe?

I lit a candle and burned a piece of Harini, the yellow leaf that we fed our deer to calm them during storms. Grandpa did this to make me sleep. The aroma from the leaf, he said, had a natural component that induced drowsiness.

I spent my last ounces of energy seated on the floor beside her bed, my face pressed against the mattress, my fingers clinging to the hem of her blouse. The smooth fabric evoked memories of pulling her out of the pond and feeling for her pulse. A swirl of questions confused the images of the rebirth ceremony. How many miles had been the hideout from the inn where my team stayed during the mission? How many seconds did the seizure last? How much chakra had I expended in battle?

What was Ino doing in Konoha when I thought I was going to die?

Finally, I fell asleep. I dreamt. In my dreams, it was not Sakura who sat beside me on the bed, wearing the wedding ring.

I could not see the girl's face, only her long, blonde hair.

When she put her hands on my cheeks, I felt myself smile. I said, 'Ino.'


	11. Chapter Ten

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Ten**

 **Ino**

Tonight, I burned two Harini leaves for Kurenai. She was in her ninth month of pregnancy, and I promised Shikamaru that while he was away, I would be the one to look after her. Within minutes, Kurenai had finally calmed and fallen deep into slumber.

Earlier this morning, I had panicked to the point of immediate mental block when she complained of heartburn and swollen ankles. I insisted she be confined in the hospital today, but she said it would be unnecessary, because she was not due for another two weeks.

Kakashi had entered her apartment that moment in our debate, and he explained to me that everything Kurenai felt – including the bodily swelling – were normal.

I had bitten back my lips and scowled at him. "How are _you_ so sure?"

Kurenai descended on her couch slowly. Kakashi seized her elbows and assisted her down. The leather squeaked and sighed at her weight.

"He's been in five of my check-ups." She chuckled as she rubbed her inflamed belly. "I got too alarmed this one time the baby stopped moving, and I called for him. Kakashi carried me to the hospital and since then…" she glimpsed at him with an apologetic smile.

He hauled the grocery bags in his arms high enough to hide his expression. "The doctor thinks I'm the father. He's practically taught me enough to be her midwife."

"Ino, can you help Kakashi put those away? He's not the best with sorting household goods."

"Sure."

Inside the kitchen, as I took out sixteen jars of Masashi's Special Strawberry Jams, my eyes drifted back to Kakashi. His weighing of the canned goods in his hands and constant pauses for deliberation were proof enough of his manhood. I pursed my lips to stifle a sigh.

At least, when mom passed away, dad cared enough to learn the difference between shampoo and conditioner for my sake.

He turned to me very slowly, his only visible eye petrified. "I'm sure Asuma knew nothing of this, too."

I forced a laugh to lighten the pressure on him. "Let me take care of that."

A little after I finished putting away the coffee, the milk, the noodles, and a pregnant woman's toilet necessities, Kakashi beckoned me to the living room to witness Kurenai's nosebleed.

She hit him with her slipper when he laughed at my reaction. "Sit down, Ino. Don't mind him. Kakashi, what's wrong with you?"

"She has to get used to it if she's spending the night with you," he said, handing her more tissue paper. "I should probably explain to you what's normal and what's not, and what to do when."

I couldn't tell if he went into elaborate detail because he needed to educate me properly or simply because he enjoyed torturing young girls about our inevitable future. His grotesque nature was the explanation to Sakura's brutality. For a moment while he explained, my thoughts drifted to Shikamaru back in the woods. It was such good advice never to let Sakura get upset. The consequences were too much for someone like Shikamaru to bear.

"Ino?"

"Yup?"

"Listen."

"Sorry!"

In the ninth month of pregnancy, apparently, the fetus kicked less because of the limited space in the womb. Kurenai worried a lot whenever her baby stopped squirming inside her, but her doctor said that was normal because fetuses had episodic interludes of sleep much like newborns did.

Anko, according to Kakashi, accompanied them to one check-up and started a debate between the activity of fetuses whose parents were shinobis and those whose parents were common employees. To check for normal fetus activity, mothers were supposed to feel at least ten movements inside their womb in the maximum span of one hour. Any less, and the mother should call her practitioner to test for fetal distress. Anko said that wasn't applicable with Kurenai because she was a ninja and so was Asuma. Kakashi then agreed that ninjas presided in the norm of extremes, and their babies were expected to behave the same way.

"The doctor was very upset with them that he banned them from his clinic until my baby is born." Kurenai had folded the last of her collection of baby clothes for the fifth time and snickered. "If they'll be present during my labor, they'll have to wait outside for an indefinite amount of time."

I had remarked something about Anko and Kakashi spending a lot of time together, but he dodged it by redirecting the conversation back to urinary frequency and nesting instincts. There was still a nag at the back of my mind to this moment about his romantic relationship, but was forcibly sidetracked with Kurena's folding and unfolding of the baby clothes. That, Kakshi had said, was the very example of nesting instincts.

Propping my elbow up her desk to ease my muscle cramps, I held a third leaf above the candle flame and watched Kurenai's belly rise and fall with her breathing. The scent was beginning to haze my internal musing. Why had I brought out the leaves in the first place? Ah, the headaches.

Kurenai had refused to take medicines, saying it could affect her baby. Kakashi had argued that stress would also do the baby harm.

I had settled the argument by presenting the pouch of Harini that Shikamaru collected for me last month. The rest led me to this very moment late in the evening, caring for the woman my deceased master loved.

I tiptoed out of her room the soonest the leaf was consumed by the fire because I, too, was getting lethargic. There was no time for me to sleep. I needed to study the texts I borrowed from Shizune in order to help with the investigation with Kana's aging.

The books banked on the coffee table in the order I needed to read them, and after two cups of coffee, I began.

Little did I realize that the gap I left on Kurenai's bedroom door seeped out enough of the Harini's fragrance to mist my concentration. By the time I concluded this, the hours had gone by, and it was two in the morning.

Lifting my head from the notebooks I nearly drooled on but thankfully didn't, I slapped my forehead and groaned. A litany of curses swamped my mind. My irresponsibility was not going to help Sakura get better. If she was able to pin these medical procedures and facts, I was able to do it also - even better.

My nose itched. I sneezed.

"Someone must be thinking of you."

I snapped my head to the direction of the bedroom. "Kurenai! You're supposed to be asleep!"

"I'm usually awake at this hour." She stretched her arms overhead, yawning. "I'll go back to sleep a little later. So, who could be thinking of you at two in the morning?"

"I don't believe that." I pulled my eyelids up, forcing my vision to steady on the words across the page and drill them into my memory.

Kurenai flicked on the lights. "You shouldn't abuse yourself just because you're young. And it's sometimes nice to think we sneeze because somebody remembers us."

"Yeah…but then it's not applicable if you have a cold."

She laughed. "You don't have to be so severe about the saying."

I sneezed again. "Well…if that's true, then someone out there is thinking of me real hard and real bad. I'm beginning to get a headache, too."

She walked over to the coffee table, skimming the books I had laid out. "Something tells me you're into a serious medical dilemma if you're studying the human body clock and the art of reversing jutsus at the same time. Ino, did something happen?"

Hiding the book entitled 'Permanent Seals Through Body Arts', I shrugged and took a sip of my coffee. "Nothing you should be alarmed about. Anyway, it's not at all serious, but as a medic, I don't want to take things too lightly and risk my patients. Are you usually awake at this hour?"

Bending down, she picked up the photo frame behind my notebook.

I choked on the coffee.

She only giggled and pitched me the roll of tissue paper she used earlier.

"I always bring that along…" I said. "Asuma told me not to let Sakura get the upper hand, so I'm beating myself with all these studying. Kurenai...?"

"I heard Shikamaru was in intensive care along with Sakura and Sai. How are they? It's been two weeks since Shikamaru last visited me."

"Oh, he's recovered," I answered, casually. "There wasn't much problem, except he screwed his chakra pathways again, but other than that, he's in good shape."

"So where is he?"

"Just outside Konoha, in the Nara forest. He's deciphering some codes for the Hokage."

"I see." She put down the photo-frame.

I watched her walk barefoot to the windowsill where her flowerpots sat. She had grown timid with the baby inside her. As a little girl in the Academy, I had always seen her as a tough female – although not as tough as Anko – who was capable of nearly anything. She justified the image of a Konoha kunoichi…and also the saying that even the bravest women of them all could be tamed by a baby in her womb.

Through the gleam of the lamppost spilling across the room, I noticed that her hair, which used to spike sideways, had also slanted down.

In my medical studies, I had encountered the physical manifestation of depression, but to my relief, she exhibited none of those. The changes in her body were probably due to her pregnancy, and that distant look in her eyes as she studied her flowers must be due to Asuma's absence.

I walked over to her. We stood abreast, hands on the ledge, feeling the morning fog leach into our fingernails. Finally, I mustered the courage to ask. "Kurenai…how was it every time Asuma was sent away on a mission?"

She blinked at me, surprised. "Knowing the risks of his return? Why are you suddenly curious, Ino?"

I shrugged and rubbed my left arm. "Does it feel lonely, being unsure what he's doing out there…if he's really all right? And if he's not, doesn't it annoy you that you don't know and you can't ask? It's the not knowing part of this that….Kurenai, did you ever feel that way?"

Her countenance fell. She looked lost. "Yes, it always felt that way."

I hugged myself, reveling in the silence and the company of the person who understood my loneliness.

"But you should trust that person to come back because he promised he would," she muttered. "And when he doesn't, you just prepare yourself to accept that he tried his best, but it so happens the world is unfair."

I sneezed again, and the flowers swayed.

A petal floated to the edge of the windowsill.

"I'm sorry!"

"It's okay." Kurenai reached for the petal but stopped. "It's just that… the last time I saw a petal fall that way, Asuma never came home."

Hinata arrived in the apartment five hours later, and I thanked her for being prompt. If I walked fast enough, I could reach the laboratories before eight o'clock. Kurenai contended that it wasn't necessary for us to be taking shifts caring for her, but we all insisted that she be under constant watch for our peace of mind.

Kakashi had coordinated with Shikamaru last month on the tasks they should do on Kurenai's stead. The grocery shopping was Kakashi's job, but Choji substituted for him often. I was responsible for supplying her medicines. Shikamaru cleaned the apartment whenever he was here, Kurenai had told me with a bashful smile, although according to Kakashi, his job was only to deliver her paperwork for her case studies as an alternative to performing missions.

The pay for a kunoichi on maternity leave, in fact, was decreased by half. Lady Tsunade was sympathetic about Asuma's death, hence she assigned her case studies regarding genjutsus in order to retain her full salary.

Kiba usually accompanied her for short strolls around Konoha whenever she felt good enough to go out, while Shino did an excellent job at silencing the crickets at night. We learned Kurenai became easily frustrated with the sound the crickets made. When asked, she explained their tune reminded her of a long wait.

Nobody brought up that topic again.

We all understood the difficulty of coping with Asuma's absence, and it was made harder by her pregnancy. Hinata came to my flower shop sometime ago to ask if I could deliver more flowers to Kurenai. She had been crying late the previous evening, and Hinata didn't know what to do.

In truth, I also lit the Harini leaves because I was afraid if she stayed up late, I, too, would catch her crying, and I wouldn't know how to console her.

Not with the situation at hand.

Sakura, my best friend, could turn into Kana any moment, and Shikamaru, my teammate and confidant, was left alone with the task of ensuring the worse would not occur. If I could, I would comfort her, but I hadn't the strength to do so after everything that had happened.

On my way out Kurenai's apartment, I glanced at the fallen flower petal for the last time.

It bugged me.

The laboratories handling cases that involved forbidden jutsus and dangerous experiments stood ten miles away from Konoha village, to the north. I travelled the road leading there alone. The weight of the knapsack I carried was enough company. There were too much facts and technicalities to remember for me to bother with another soul.

A guardhouse appeared on the slope of the horizon. Three shinobis ordered me to stop where I stood and lift my hands in the air. The male searched my bag, while the female felt my body for any hidden weapons.

Their search was taking too long, I couldn't help but grunt. Suddenly, the gates parted, and a woman stepped out, waving at me. The mist distorted her face; it was impossible to tell who this frisky person was.

She showed a slip of paper to the guard and signed something.

The male shinobi guard put my knapsack on my back. "She's clear."

"You're Ino Yamanaka?" asked the female.

I nodded and brought out my ID.

The woman from the gate jogged towards us. "Thank goodness you're here! What took you so long?"

"Shizune!" It wasn't only the fog that obscured her. She was wearing goggles around her neck, a white lab gown, and a net over her hair. "You never told me how far this was!" I defended.

"You've got to come now." She grabbed my wrist and pulled me all the way to the gate.

ANBUs in cloaks stood on the pillars bordering the entrance. The concave holes where their eyes should be followed me all the way inside. I buttoned my cape. "Has something happened? Why are we in a hurry?"

"Because," Shizune slowed. She nudged me to stay behind her as a group of ANBUs encircling a shackled prisoner passed us. "I've had no assistance since yesterday. Lady Tsunade is keeping our research incredibly low profile. Even TonTon isn't allowed inside."

"But that's being too extreme to let you handle Kana and Ryo alone."

Shizune clipped my pass on my breast pocket. "I'll explain to you once we're in private."

The ANBUs disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

I agreed that we should hurry up to our destination. The towering infrastructures surrounding us had a presence that was neither welcoming nor kind. To our left and right, buildings loomed in colors of green and blue. I only bothered to ask about the architectural design of the compound once we were midway the main road, and I noticed the buildings were growing smaller and smaller.

"Believe me," Shizune said. "They're anything but small. The deeper we go, the graver the purposes of these laboratories become. Do you see Fifteen and Seventeen? Notice how their colors are faded. The lighter the color of the building and the shorter they are, the more dangerous and sensitive the cases they handle."

I skimmed the area. No more ANBUs with prisoners passed. This place was deserted save for a few cloaked shinobis standing guard outside their respective laboratories. "That doesn't make sense," I hissed. "Shouldn't their facilities be bigger? Or is it natural to have fewer staff?"

"Some have limited staff, while some require a big one." She shook her head. "It's nothing related to their staff, Ino. They appear small on the outside, because their facilities….they're all underground."

Her revelation did little to prepare me to how tiny and colorless Laboratory Five was.

My feet dragged towards it until they were too heavy for me to lift. I frowned at the height of our laboratory. "Shizune, this is two stories tall! What does that mean? And why is it called Laboratory Five when we just passed Laboratory Ten?"

"There are originally five laboratories," she said. "One is for developing and improving jutsus, Two is for deciphering the ancient scripts of the original shinobi clans, Three is for creating seals that restrain and contain biotic matters, Four is for the medical comebacks to every jutsu-induced injury, and Five…Five is for handling forbidden jutsus. This was closed some time back, until Orochimaru was found out and the Third Hokage formed a team to discover what he was really scheming. The rest of the laboratories were created only recently."

We marched inside. Everything seemed normal until we descended to the underground facilities.

It was like being trapped in a box - the chill that the branching corridors gave me. Every ten feet were seals that detected any disguising jutsu a person may affect. Engravings outlined the walls from top to bottom, and they only became visible once the sensory lighting system activated the next light bulb in the corridor we tackled.

We turned right, and then left, and to the room at the end of the hall.

"This is where we keep Kana's body." Shizune pushed the doors aside to let me through. "Ryo is on the other end of the hall."

"For safety in case their proximity worsens the rebirth?"

"Yes, because it was supposedly Ryo's life force that the jutsu drew upon. Although, nothing's really for sure. We're simply not taking any risks."

On the center lay a metal tub of ice with a glass covering. I drew close and saw Kana's naked body inside, her skin stark, her hair like spilled ink.

"…She's supposed to be in her thirties now, correct?"

Shizune passed me a lab gown. "Yes. Her aging has stopped, but so far we're uncertain if that's good news for Sakura."

"Why shouldn't it be?"

"Kana's disease was causing her to age," she said. "If Kana's corpse has been getting younger, and the rebirth jutsu is growing in Sakura, then it can only mean Sakura's absorbing Kana's soul well. It's not an impossibility, Ino. Kana's youth may be the physical manifestation of the rebirth occurring in Sakura."

I struggled to slip the buttons of the lab coat into their proper holes.

These damn buttons were too slippery. I gave up on the eighth and dropped my arms, sensing the strain in my muscles. "There is something we can do, right? There is something out there that can stop this?"

"That's what we're here to find out."She heaved the glass covering up. The hinges squeaked. I caught the glass midway up and let it lie on the other half of the tub.

Cold steam spilled on the floor, chilling my toes.

I glanced down at Kana's face. "Why is the Fifth so desperate to keep this discreet? The more people we have working on this case, the bigger our chances of finding a solution! We are trying to prevent war, aren't we?"

The florescent light above us flickered and died.

An emergency light on top of the door glowed a dim yellow.

Shizune cursed the deceased technician of this facility. "Lady Tsunade has her reasons, and if she decides to tell you – because I'm not allowed to– you'll undoubtedly be on her side and have no problem working without rest. You want Sakura and Sai cured, yes, but sooner or later, someone will question if two adolescent shinobis weigh more than the thousands of citizens residing in Konoha. The breakers are behind you, at the back of the third cabinet. Mind switching it so we can get good lighting and start work? Ino?"

"Huh?" I looked up at her. "Yeah…yeah."

"Don't worry, it's not come to that yet."

I paused from pushing the cabinet aside. "Why would someone weigh Sakura and Sai's worth over that of the villagers?"

"…Forget I mentioned anything! Go on, we need to start."

"We _can_ find a cure, right, Shizune?"

A glimpse at her while she painted a seal on Kana's forehead revealed her tacit contempt on the issue.

I didn't make anything out of her silence. She was probably encouraging me to work harder, using our lack of time as valid motivation. That was it. I mean, no one would disregard Sakura and Sai, no matter their youth, for the sake of Konoha. Both of them served our village well. They couldn't simply decide to sacrifice them. No one was that heartless.

Reaching up, I seized the lever and dragged it down.

Besides, there was no reason to sacrifice them.

"You have to do it three consecutive times," siad Shizune.

What would that sacrifice mean, anyway? This was just a reincarnation of a woman who was victimized by Orochimaru years before we were born. There wasn't any political matter related to this case that they would keep from me.

I tiptoed and moved the lever three times. When still the lights would not return, I smashed the lever down to the breaker's metal casing.

Behind the walls, something hissed, and then the florescent light flickered.

The hissing grew louder.

"What's that?" I snapped my head to the ceiling.

The fluorescent light shone for five seconds, and then the bulb exploded.

Shizune and I ducked, our arms flung across our heads.

Once the hissing stopped, we dared stand. Glass fragments scattered everywhere, and I had four small shards stuck on my right arm.

"What happened?" Shizune gasped. "The body's damaged!"

I peered over the metal tub, and indeed, two shards had pierced Kana. I reached for the one at her collarbone, but Shizune slapped my hand away. "No, don't. Use forceps."

We took one pair each. I clipped the shard stuck above her left breast and, very cautiously, plucked it out. "Hey, she's bleeding."

Shizune plucked the shard on her collarbone. "Her blood's not supposed to look that way. She's been dead for more than a week."

We watched the red liquid flow across her chest in a thin line.

Then it stopped - everything stopped. The blood receded back to the wound, and her flesh sewn together.

Shizune and I looked at each other.

"Let's call the Hokage," she said.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Eleven**

 **Sakura**

I looked at myself in the mirror - at my face on the fogged glass - and even through the haze, my youth was undeniable.

Brushing my fingers across my cheeks, feeling their smoothness, identifying the tiny lumps of scars, I reminded myself I was only sixteen. Sixteen years old and yet I had been married to Shikamaru for fifteen years. The math was wrong, but my wedding ring fit just right. It was now where it had always belonged.

I was a married girl.

I stripped and entered the shower, scratching my back as I did so. Lately, the water had been my most comfortable company. The shampoo I scrubbed into my hair bubbled and slithered down my neck and further down my body. This sensation was familiar: the cold saturating my skin until it was numb…that was the last I felt before waking up in intensive care.

Reality blurred; the shower spurting water over me vanished along with the soap, the tiles, and the bottles of fragrances. I returned to the intensive care unit, on the bed, beside the monitoring machine, looking at the photos in Shikaku Nara's hands.

Lady Tsunade's gaze pressed on me.

"That's Kakashi," I said.

Flip.

"Naruto Uzumaki." His grin in that photograph eased me a little. He had always been protective of me, but the last time he escorted me out of Konoha at dawn for the mission concerning Kana, his presence had felt different.

I hadn't much time to dwell on that event when Shikaku flipped to the last photo. It saddened me that the last image they would remember Sasuke as was in his boyhood. Arrogance and silent pride emanated from him as though he was still beside me, and yet in my head and my heart he was never really far away. I should be glad they had that picture of him – the Sasuke who was still in Konoha. His next photo would be with Naruto and me as Team Seven. Together, finally.

"Do you recognize this boy?" Lady Tsunade asked, referring to Sasuke's photo.

I nodded. "Of course. That's Shikamaru."

She nodded, stroking my hand. "That's correct."

I pressed my forehead on the wet tiles. My reality returned to this small shower room, where something inside of me was screaming a name. The voice – my voice – screamed louder, intensifying the pain in my spine.

"Sasuke," I hissed, but the splashing of water around me drowned his name. Twisting the tap close, I said again, "Sasuke. That boy is Sasuke, Lady Tsunade."

Little by little, the stress in my muscles alleviated. The itching ceased.

"Sasuke," I said.

The water whirled into the circular drain between my feet.

Tip. Tap. Tip. Tap.

"Sakura?"

I wiped my face with the towel and listened to his continuous knocking. The door trembled with each blow. "Yeah?"

"You alright in there?"

Slipping into my bathrobe, I tiptoed out of the shower and opened the door. "Why? What happened?"

Shikamaru eyed me from head to toe. He stared at my face. When he appeared satisfied, he stepped back and said it was nothing. "You were taking so long I was afraid you tripped and hit your head. Anyway, it's fine."

I grabbed a towel to dry my hair with. A hint pink surfaced on his cheeks.

"Tripped?" I said. "That's a subtle way of insulting a kunoichi."

"You may have collapsed," he said. "We've only been out of intensive care for a couple of days. Next time, don't take too long in a room alone. Geez, Sakura. If something happened to you, I would've suffered from heart attack."

I kept my eyes on him as I wrapped the towel around my head.

"What?"

"You weren't trying to peep on me, were you, Shikamaru?"

Pink morphed into red, and he tugged the towel over my face. "I want fish for breakfast, by the way."

"I told you, there isn't any seafood in the fridge."

"No? I think you just missed them. They were crammed at the back. They aren't fresh but they'll do."

"But I rummaged the fridge and the cupboards on our first day here." I tightened the lace around my waist, securing the bathrobe. "I swear I didn't see any."

He nodded as he rubbed his right eye. "Yeah, well, you could have missed them. I almost didn't see them, too. I'll prepare the scrolls while you get our breakfast ready, 'kay?"

I sidestepped to block his path.

My action seemed to smack him awake. He stared down at me, asking with his eyes. I'd have thought he was teasing me by feigning confusion, only his expression was so genuine it gave him away. I put my hands on my waist and frowned at him. "You interrupt me from my shower, accuse me of being a klutz, and order me to make breakfast without even greeting me good morning. What kind of husband are you?"

His left foot slid backwards, and he looked as though he was ready to bolt. "Uhm – good morning?"

"You're kidding me."

"What kind of greeting do you want?"

"Cook the rice yourself." I walked past him to return to the bathroom. Before I could close the door, however, he grabbed me by the elbow and made me turn to face him. When I didn't say anything - simply kept frowning at him - he inched forward and pressed his lips together as though he was holding back a cough.

His agony was so apparent, I felt guilty for taunting him.

Finally, he let go of his breath and leaned closer to peck me on the cheek. "Good… morning, Sakura."

The warm moist his kiss left on my cheek made me blush. I realized I didn't even know what kind of greeting I wanted from him. I just supposed I would've married someone who could shower me with romantic and thoughtful gestures in unexpected hours of the day. While Shikamaru possessed those traits, I'd always appreciated them best in the battlefield. Nowhere else.

Living together with him came across to me as an entirely new experience.

"Cook the rice," I whispered. "I'll just get dressed and we can get started with breakfast and work. Deal? What? What's with that creepy look?"

"I've been taken advantage of." He leaned against the doorframe."I worry about you and bother to check if you're alright, organize the fridge so you'll have no problem preparing the food, and all I get is an order to cook the rice and an insult for forgetting to greet you good morning in a flowery way – " tapping his cheek twice" – I believe I won't be moving here until I'm properly recompensed for those offenses."

I held the doorknob. "My kisses are expensive. You don't get to have any today."

"So that leaves me with the privilege of watching you get dressed instead." He yawned. "I told you I'm not leaving this spot until you return that kiss."

 _But this was Shikamaru_ , I thought. I couldn't recall ever having invaded his personal space except when I had to heal him. Why did I even taunt him to kiss me earlier if this wasn't the response I'd wanted from him? The sudden change in his demeanor meant we'd flirted this way before. Shikamaru wasn't the type to play with girls' emotions anyway.

This was silly! Getting kissed on the cheek and kissing him back shouldn't get me flustered. Husbands and wives did this everyday. The Hokage wouldn't reprimand me for displaying affections for my colleague.

No, he wasn't just my colleague. We were married. This was _normal._ I touched my forehead. " _Fuck_."

"Okay." He stepped out of the bathroom. "I'm leaving."

"No, no." I caught his wrist. "It's not you. I was just thinking of something and I got sidetracked. What was that again? Oh, a kiss? Sure, no problem!"

I grabbed his head, stood on my toes, and pressed my lips against his. In a flash, I was back inside the bathroom, fingers on my lips, and cursing myself for ruining our chance for early-morning romance by attacking his mouth. It wasn't even a peck. It was a one second contact that could've cost him his front teeth. I might as well have punched his mouth.

He stood in a state of shock for several moments, gawking at me. As I was about to ask if he was alright, he made a move to massage his jaw. "Wow…that was… _powerful_."

"I'm sorry!"

"No, no, we can work on it – " faking a laugh and wincing when his jaw hurt " – these things usually take practice. We just lost our touch. And-and you don't have to be so aggressive next time. I'm usually responsive. No. Shit. That came out wrong."

"You're right!" I closed the door halfway and hid behind it. "We just need practice but first I have to put my clothes on and we seriously have to prepare that breakfast or else we'll starve and there won't be any chance to practice because apparently you're right and at this rate we won't – " hitting my forehead against the door " – _fuck_."

"S-sorry?"

"No! There was a pause! I didn't mean fuck as in - I'm closing this door before I say another embarrassing thing." I slammed the door shut and listened for movement in the corridor. The stillness on the other side unnerved me, and I shouted, "I'll fry the fish!"

"Thanks, Sakura," he said.

I heard him leave.

My mood inclined me to a blue sweater with a loose neckline and a brown skirt. Red became tiring to my sight, all of a sudden. With a nod of approval at my reflection in the mirror, I unlocked the door, checked the corridor, and walked slowly to the kitchen while humming the first tune that approached my memory. Doing so kept my mind away from that embarrassing exchange with Shikamaru. I couldn't believe my lack of sophistication. If Ino saw what I did, she'd strangle me and Lady Tsunade would've considered it justice.

Shikamaru had the rice set and cooking. When I called for him, he said he was moving our bank of scrolls to the living room for its excellent ventilation.

I did not argue with his choice of location. Since we would be spending the next couple of days snooping at those scrolls, we would need all the air available to cool our tempers. Besides, he was very fond of that room with the wooden furniture and the orange curtains.

The oil spat as soon as the fish came in contact with the pan. I put three pieces abreast to save time. Grey scales shriveled to a shade of black, and the slits across their bodies ripened to reveal their tanning flesh.

I found the fizzling of the pan annoying, so I recalled the lyrics of the song I was humming and I sang. Soon, I was drumming the beat on the table.

 _Cultivate your hunger before you idealize_

 _Motivate your anger to make them more realize_

 _Climbing the mountain, never coming down_

 _Break into the contents, never falling down_

I flipped the fish.

 _My knees still shaking like I was twelve_

 _Sneaking out the backdoor-_

A scoff erupted from behind me. I turned and saw Shikamaru pass the kitchen with his lips tightly pursed, stifling a laugh.

I glowered at him until he was out the backdoor. "What are you doing there?"

"Singing – I mean, gathering herbs!"

My ears felt hot. "I hate you, Shikamaru!"

"No, you don't!"

"I will burn the fish!"

He did not respond so I let the fish cook a little longer. Their fins curled and charred. I switched off the stove. A grouse coming from outside made me pause midway clipping the fish with the tongs. I listened closer; the grouse grew louder.

"Shikamaru!" I said. "Everything fine out there?"

He shrieked.

I bolted through the backdoor barefoot. The mud clung to my toes and splashed on my legs as I ran, but I was past caring. The shrieking continued around the curb to the greenhouse.

Lady Tsunade's suspicions could have been truthful, after all. Ryo had accomplices targeting us, and they found Shikamaru first.

A robust man with a rope could be strangling him right now.

Stillness reigned around me. I stopped, panting, and whipped my head in all directions. The shovel beside the garden hose beckoned me. I reached for the handle blindly, and my fingers curled around its wood just in time.

I twisted on my heels, slashing the wind with the shovel. A flash of black hair descended before my eyes. The head of the shovel crashed on the wall to my right before I could stop my arm, and splinters of wood sprayed on me.

" _Sakura_!" Shikamaru leapt up and seized my wrist. " _What's the matter with you_?"

I absorbed his presence; the warmth of the living. My chest fell deep when I exhaled. "You're okay!"

"Did something happen?"

"Someone was shouting or-or sounding like he was being chokes!" I glimpsed surroundings. "I thought someone attacked you!"

"No one was choking on something or shouting for help, Sakura. We'd know if someone uninvited came within a ten-mile radius of the house; dad commanded the deer to herd the clearing on that occasion," he said. "Are you all right? Does anything hurt? How's your head?"

I plucked the shovel out with one tug. "We were bickering, and then you were quiet. I heard a grouse, and then you were shrieking – you sounded as if someone was choking you!"

Shikamaru's brows drooped. "…I was singing along."

"That's not funny." I stabbed the shovel on the mud. "Is there an emergency? If you do not tell me what that cry was, I will scout the forest – I am strong enough, Shikamaru."

He looked directly at me, but this time, his frown was uncertain. " _I was singing_."

Then it hit me. He was serious. "Oh!" I slapped my hand over my mouth.

He shifted his weight to his left leg and bowed his head.

"Oh…"

"…C'mon, your feet are dirtied. Mine too. Let's clean up."

I put my right hand over my left. The urge to laugh was so strong, my body trembled. "I'm sorry!" I squeaked. "Why – why were you singing?"

He turned to walk away.

"I'm sorry!" I grabbed his arm. "Are you mad? Were you singing because you thought I was serious when I said I hated you? That I'll burn the fish?"

He remained quiet, dodging me.

"I'm sorry I laughed. Shikamaru?"

Finally, he prodded me forward and said, "It's not the first time. I'm used to the insult. Let's get you cleaned up. Did you hurt yourself? Hey, is that blood?"

I followed his line of sight and saw the growing red stain on my neckline.

Shikamaru lifted my chin and tucked my hair behind my ear to see it better. "You have a cut on your collarbone."

"I must have hurt myself." I felt for the cut beneath my sweatshirt, inches above my left breast. The wound nipped as though something had been plucked out of it. I gasped. My body stiffened.

Shikamaru caught my shoulders. "Sakura?"

I pulled out my hand and stared at my blood-covered palm. "A splinter could have cut me this deep, but it would also have stuck to my sweatshirt."

He touched the fabric tentatively, careful not to come in contact with my body. "A cut that deep…everything happened too fast. We can't be sure. C'mon, get in. We'll clean it first."

"Wait." Blood had never scared me even as a child, but a wound on my chest appearing out of nowhere weakened my knees. I couldn't tell him I was suppressing my shock, because he too, must only be pretending to be calm for my sake.

"You shouldn't be using that much chakra yet," said Shikamaru. "Let's bandage it instead."

The glow of my chakra soothed the pain, and I pressed my fingers over my wounds to sew my flesh faster.

"Sakura, you shouldn't do that yet!"

I looked up at him. "What can happen to me, huh?"

He was about to admit that he, too, did not know, but chose to help me inside and assure me it was nothing serious.

Since I annoyed him by disregarding his warnings concerning my chakra usage, I sat on the chair inside the kitchen without complaint and let him have his way: Band Aids.

While his face hovered so near to mine, his focus away from our proximity and solely on my injuries, I told myself how lucky I was to have him for a husband. His care radiated in the silence of his concentration. Even his breath on my cheek – despite the sensation lasting only for seconds because he stood too quickly – minimized my frustration.

I patted the Band Aid across my collarbone and said, "Thanks."

"Those should keep them from opening." He grazed his thumb over the same Band Aid. "How do you feel?"

"Still a little shocked. Otherwise, I'm fine."

"Sure?"

"I'm sure."

He closed the first aid kit, walked over to the back door to close it, and pointed at my sweatshirt on his way back. "Better change. I'll set the table."

"You can just tell me, Shikamaru."

"Tell you what?"

"That I shouldn't heal myself like that again unless I have no other choice. I can see it in your face."

"We _had_ a choice." He flapped the covering of the Band Aid he used.

"It wasn't a splinter wound, Shikamaru."

"It wasn't fatal either."

"I'm the medic. I'm the judge on which is serious and which isn't. What happened to me does not qualify for normal which makes the entire thing a serious matter."

"You didn't even give me the chance to inspect it."

"Since when did you become an expert on this?"I said. "It came out of nowhere. And I felt as though something was plucked out from it. How do you explain that?"

He returned to his seat, his gaze steady on me. "Since when did I have to be an expert to have the right to worry about you?"

"Worrying is different from being clever enough to listen to the instincts of a medic."

"Can the medic please explain what happened then?"

"I-It's – why do you think it frustrates me? I don't know how it happened!"

"I surrender – " raising his hands in the air " - It's done. Please, I don't want to fight. I'm sorry. Don't get upset. Do you want me to call the attention of Lady Tsunade for you?"

I glimpsed the dried blood on my sweatshirt. "Do you think something's wrong with me?"

"Now you want my opinion?"

"You wanted to give it.," I said. "Well?"

He leaned forward and put his hands on either side of my chair, beside my thighs. "I think you injured yourself earlier. You were shocked because you didn't notice it beforehand like you used to. Based on what happened to us on our last mission, things like those should be normal. We're not as sharp as we were. Until the next couple of weeks, that'll be expected of us. We weren't in the ICU for nothing. Now if you don't believe me or are even willing to consider my opinion, let's call Lady Tsunade to have her check on you. Would you like that?"

Tip. Tap.

He had a point. I wouldn't have noticed it if he hadn't seen the blood on my sweatshirt. "You're right," I mumbled. "I'm stressed. It must've been a splinter wound. This is crazy. I can't even detect my own injuries."

His hand went to my knee. "It's nothing nobody in the battlefield hasn't experienced. Lady Tsunade must have had bad days like this."

I inhaled his scent. He was too close. I pushed the chair backwards and stood, noting how he pulled his hand from my knee. "Let's clean up. I'll bring out a clean shirt for you."

My anxiety had died down by the time I entered the bathroom across our bedroom to change clothes.

We used the one downstairs because it had a functioning light bulb. This one was cramped and not suitable for humans our size. Since I never bothered to ask to whom this was originally created for, I also never bothered to change the light bulb.

Pulling open the door with my foot to allow some light inside, I peeled the Band Aid and examined the cut. Through the mirror, my chest appeared flawless, but when I stared hard enough, I could just make out the thin, brown line of my injury.

After reapplying the Band Aid, I put on the long sleeved, mid-waist leotard I used for taijutsu training.

I hadn't realized Shikamaru had entered our bedroom. He had just heaved his turtleneck over his head when he saw me through the gap of the door and stopped to stare. I viewed him through the mirror.

Muscles outlined the bulk of his abdomen, his biceps, and his triceps. Nothing less should have been expected of an active shinobi our age, but I never imagined his body to be so well…toned. His breathing flexed his chest. The light spilling from the window was shaped like a hand with seven fingers, and they swept back and forth his torso. I traced the outline of every ridge across his body up to his neck, and further up his face. I stumbled on the solemnity of his gaze.

His attention lingered on my bare waist for several moments, and then he slipped on the black shirt I laid on the bed that had laid out for him.

Layering my leotard with a white top, I left the bathroom and poked my head inside our bedroom. "Breakfast, Shikamaru?"

He didn't know, mainly because I refused to let it show, that I was beginning to find his interest in my wellbeing odd. Lady Tsunade had involved me with her affairs in the Intelligence Division quite often in the past three years; I had unconsciously picked up the art of deception.

I hated deceiving him. I hated eating breakfast and smiling at him without the least bit of sincerity. I hated discussing the order in which the scrolls should be deciphered as though the fish had not gone cold. Sometimes I would swallow my food and open my mouth with every intention to ask if he was withholding information about my health, but then I'd cower because if he was not telling, then it must be a fact so critical that a confession would only worsen it.

I hated waking up the next morning to the same thoughts as I watched this sinewy man combat his pillows in his sleep, his mouth open, and his head tipped over the mattress. When Shikamaru awoke, he found me half-sitting, half-lying on the edge of the bed with my eyes open. He mumbled his good morning and placed a soft kiss on my forehead almost on reflex before rolling out of his mattress.

My patience only tipped when he left me in the living room later that afternoon with a lie that he was gathering herbs to make the tea he had boasted would relieve my stress. At first, I was flattered by his thoughtfulness. I carried on with translating the scripts in the scrolls, identifying the unfamiliar figures through the guide Inoichi lent us.

Next, I was fidgeting on my seat until I had to stand. I paced a couple of times and then checked on him in the greenhouse.

It didn't come as a surprise that he wasn't there. That was the only time I acknowledged I had stopped believing his excuses.

I summoned a shadow clone to guard the scrolls and I scouted the forest for him. Beneath the trees I leapt on, the deer herded and followed. They never once let me out of their sight. Maybe this was why Shikamaru was so confident about trespassers.

When they slowed, I concluded Shikamaru must be nearby. They could sense him, and he could sense them.

Even Kakashi would have trouble hiding his presence against a Nara in this forest.

The sparrow had just flung from Shikamaru's arm when I found him.

He watched the bird fly west before he turned to me without a hint of shock in his expression. The branches of the tree shook and the leaves danced. He angled his body towards me.

"What's the message?" I said, feeling the dryness of my throat.

"I can explain, Sakura."

My foot burned enough chakra to cut in half the branch I was standing on. "Who is that bird going to?"

"Lady Tsunade."

"Why?"

"I relayed to her your injury."

"You said it was normal."

"You believed otherwise."

I jumped and landed on the gap between two of the eighteen deer monitoring us. One sniffed me. I ducked and crept between their antlers. Another deer blocked my path.

Leaves shuffled and I heard his footsteps behind me.

"Shikamaru, order them to scram."

His arm thrust past my face and stroked the chin of the deer in front of me. "Sakura, if I had told you then you would have panicked. This is just a precaution. You said it yourself – I'm not a medic. She might need to come here to check it for herself."

"Great! Thanks!" I waved my arms in the air, stepping around him to find another way out. "That mission has left me so handicapped that I can't even bother to be professional about a mysterious injury! It might have shocked me but that doesn't mean I'm any less effective as a medic!"

"You should have seen your face yesterday."

"Really terrified, Shikamaru!"

"You were frightened, and I didn't want you over-thinking things. I analyzed it last night and thought it better to give your speculations a chance."

"So you absorb everything for me like I'm some sort of incompetent shinobi?"

The deer formed three layers of circle around us. I quit searching for an escape and spun to face him. "Or can't you tell me because it's the same reason I was transferred to a containment area?"

"This again, Sakura?"

"Yes, Shikamaru. This again. I may not be as smart as you but I've been hanging around the Hokage long enough not to be easily fooled. What happened to me? Did I catch some sort of disease because of Kana? A virus? Was that injury yesterday a symptom of it? "

"I was put in the containment area too – didn't I tell you that and you claimed to believe me? We were let go because there was no further reason to contain us! We were tasked to decipher these classified codes because we're perfectly fine!" he said. "Sakura, why are you so suspicious of me?"

"I don't know!" I bowed my head. I saw my toes peeping out of my slippers. Mud still dirtied my nails. "I don't know…I just have this feeling."

Shikamaru put his hand on his waist and looked down as well. Our audience bobbed their heads, driving their antlers past each other's. He whistled a two-note tune to stop them, but they were stubborn.

"What do they want?"

"They want us to talk."

"Oh."

"They are sensitive to our heartbeats," he said. "Especially mine. They feel anxiety…they know when we lie. Hitting horns is a challenge to tell the truth."

The deer to my right nodded at me. I groaned. "…It's just that I feel as though something happened to me… _to us_ …while in that mission with Kana, and it's important, but you're not telling me." I said.

"Sakura, there _is_ something."

We stood there, motionless, uncertain if we should continue, if anything more should be expressed, or if an answer would satisfy. I asked myself I this had been the right thing to do. Shikamaru made a point with my tendency to over-think, to over speculate the simple.

He closed the distance between us and whispered, "I know you've been disbanding from your squad after missions to look for Sasuke, and I'm not the least bit happy with your risking your life for him. Lady Tsunade found out, and dad told me, and I've been pleading to degrade your punishment since we arrived in this house."

The wind finished playing with my hair and moved on. I kept quiet.

"Putting you in the containment area was also because I had forced the Hokage that you are not fit for the consequences Danzo had planned for you," he said. "Rogue ninjas are out of our jurisdiction unless we come in contact with them in the field. Pursuing them without consent is an offense. After we're done with this follow-up mission with the scrolls Kana and Ryo left behind, the worst you can expect is a five-month suspension without pay."

I looked at him at last. "That's too much. How can you reduce it to five months? Even Lady Tsunade-"

"The other five months are on me."

"All these time…that's what you've been hiding?"

He let out a long, steady breath. "That's everything."

" _Shit_." I shook my head. "I'm so stupid."

"It's normal. Sometimes almost everything becomes stupid if we think hard about it."

"No, you've been saving me and I've been accusing you. I've been pinning my own misgivings to you since we came here. I don't know what to say."

Shikamaru sneered, but it was innocent of ridicule. "Mum said it's usually the husbands that accuse and the wives that save…don't you think it will get boring if that's how the cycle goes every time?"

"Shikamaru, I'm sorry."

"It's fine. The Fifth warned me of agitation on your end. And we've been together long enough for me to expect outbursts of intense curiosity from you. Being put in a containment area makes everything and everyone outside suspicious. That's a given and I don't blame you for it. Sometimes, though, I just wish you'd trust me more. Most burdens I take from you don't even deserve a speck of your attention."

I leaned my forehead on his chest. "Sorry. That was an honest mistake on my part."

He ruffled my hair. "I know. You don't have to explain. Not to me, at least."

Our audience, the deer, partnered and rubbed their necks together. Shikamaru pulled away from me. "L-let's go back. You don't have to worry about Danzo." He signaled for them to clear a path. "O-or any secret. You found out the last I had."

"What are they doing?"

He whistled louder. "Damn these…they're mocking us. Don't look at them. They like to make fun of me. Shoo!"

I knelt down.

"Hey, Sakura, you don't-!"

Brushing off the dust beside his feet, I said, "Shikamaru, there's something down here."

We crouched next to each other, pondering the wooden panels hidden underground. Shikamaru admitted having never seen this before, and undid the seal plastered on top. The paper lit and burned and the wind carried its ashes away.

I slipped my fingers between the gaps of the panels and, with his consent, pulled it off.

Sitting inside the underground container was a wooden box, exactly like the one Shikamaru used to store his one hundred rubber bands in. He reached down and picked it up.

The sun shed light to the box's surface, revealing an engraving we had not noticed earlier.

"Shikamaru," we read in chorus.

"Is…is this yours?" I asked.

He opened the box. "No. Mine is in our room."

"Who's is it, then?"

He scooped a handful of the rubber bands inside and showed them to me. "I don't know. But as far as I know, I'm the only Shikamaru of our clan."

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry for this long chapter. A lot had to be established here before Chapter 12. And compared to the original Chapter 11 (which was only 3K words) published in 2012, Sakura's working much smarter here. It was difficult not to switch to Shikamaru's perspective to get a hint of how he was outsmarting her in every way. But we might get a taste of it in the following chapters.**

 **Much appreciations to the Follows, Favorites, and Reviews. Can't wait to post Chapter 13.**


	13. Chapter Twelve

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Twelve**

 **Shikaku**

Neji Hyuuga arrived in Konoha at exactly 1:13 in the afternoon. He saw me standing by the right-side pillar of the gate, and he excused himself from his teammates - a boy that resembled Guy in a way I wanted to forget and another man that resembled his pet dog. Through closer inspection, I remembered Shikamaru told me the name of the dog was Akamaru, but for some reason, I couldn't recall the name of its owner.

"By your expression, I'm supposing the mission didn't go well?" I said upon coming face to face with this Neji kid. I stood taller and puffed my chest out, putting my hands on my waist to sustain my posture. My clearest memory of him was during his battle with Naruto in the chuunin exams. How long ago had that been to cause such change in this young man? I could be shrinking with age.

"There was a dilemma. However it wasn't a complete failure on our end. How are Shikamaru, Sakura, and Sai?"

"Shikamaru and Sakura woke up a few days back. They're in our family forest now, quarantined for observation. Sakura's under the impression that Shikamaru is her husband and they're currently working on decoding the scrolls left behind by Kana and Ryo."

"I see." He waved for the big-eyed, bushy-browed, shinobi in green tights to proceed without him. "I assume that means Sakura Haruno and your son has been affected by the jutsu?"

"The girl is experiencing the rebirth."

"And Shikamaru?"

"None…and I hope nothing will show, but we need you to check his pathways again tomorrow."

"Of course, sir."

"Right now, we focus on Sai."

We reached the intensive care unit in time to see Sai drift back to sleep as the drug in the syringe was emptied into his system. Lady Tsunade disposed of the needle and relayed that he had been salivating, hitting his head against the pillow, and kicking so wildly that sometimes he fell off the bed. Kazuo nodded at me and moved around the vital sign machine to dispose of the trash bin filled with used needles and syringes.

"Excuse me." Lady Tsunade bit off her rubber gloves, handing them to Isas and swinging the divider apart to enter the nurse's station. "You can observe him while I fetch my hand-picked medics to study this change in Sai's condition. Got a breakthrough in the seal used around the pond, Shikaku?"

I strummed the garter belts tied around the metal bars on either side of the bed. "Broken chemical composition of a certain element was scattered around the totality of the seal."

She lifted her pen off the prognosis she was filing. She wrinkled her nose. "Can't be fire. Which is your guess: wind, water, or earth?"

"Wind may be specified to oxygen, which is significant for survival," Isas said. "Although if the rebirth is tackling that, it may risk immediate death if it goes wrong in the first few seconds of the justu's operation. Highly effective, though. Can't trace that."

Kazuo flicked his finger lightly at the tube connected to the IV. "I'll bet on earth; the pond may have been used to mislead us to thinking it's water, when in truth they've used the soft soil beneath the pond to penetrate the surface of the human body. Isas - " He bobbed his chin, smirking. " - soil has oxygen."

Isas snickered.

Lady Tsunade hit her tablet on the counter. "Thank you for answering the question that wasn't intended for you, boys. Shikaku?"

I glimpsed Isas and Kazuo, who had continued their work with their heads down. "I can't say yet. The scattered elements can refer to wind, water, or earth."

"It can easily be water, Shikaku."

"It's being considered, milady, but I still have my doubts. The seal and the amount of chakra used don't make for a stable execution of a jutsu. Not for a rebirth, at least."

"You're onto something?"

"We have a lead, yes."

"Good. I'm going." The Fifth left.

Neji remained standing on one corner, only watching. Despite his expressionless façade, I knew even he must be shocked. So many changes had occurred in this room while he was away.

"Why not just tie his limbs?" I asked Isas, who was pressing buttons on the machine beside me.

He paused to rethink the numbers he had been muttering to himself, checked the chart in his hand, and gave up. I apologized for interrupting his math.

"His reactions are seizure-like. It would be unhealthy to restrain him by binding his limbs, Mr. Nara," he said.

"His face is red and he's sweating…almost as if he's tired." Neji winced. He raised the blanket and peered at Sai's toes.

"Normal?"

"They look a bit swollen."

Lady Tsunade entered with four senior medics and ordered us to wait outside while they probed him. I went back to Intelligence to supervise the transcribing of ancient scrolls for our research, reviewed the data of the seal around the pond, ate a sandwich, sipped a little liquor, and went back to see the medics gearing to examine Sai for the second time. Inoichi walked with me and somewhere in the conversation, he segued to my assault on Sanae.

"That was unwise, Shikaku. You used Shikamaru as an excuse to vent on her. If she didn't know the meaning of guilt, she could have had reason enough to kill you in defense of herself."

I ignored his remark and asked his opinion on the elements in the seal around the pond. Fortunately, Inoichi relented.

The senior medics finished their work four hours later. They disappointed us of an explanation that could progress the case. Neji was let inside to look at him through his byakugan at last.

I waited in the hallway for two hours, wondering what was happening. Sai was supposed to be recovering; no one suspected anything would change with his condition.

Sitting on the bench with my palms pressed together and my thumbs supporting my chin, I revisited the whole incident in my mind, cutting a few strings of supposition to see things in another light.

This wasn't totally unexpected, was it?

Sakura's rebirth activated an hour after she awoke. Shikamaru was not displaying symptoms of a rebirth – it was somehow unlikely since he was far from Ryo, and it was only Kana who was supposed to be transferred to another body. Sai, however, was in battle with Ryo during the rebirth ceremony, and he was lying directly above Ryo, who, in turn, was lying above the seal.

Could Sai be…?

Just when I was beginning to tackle that prospect, Lady Tsunade came out of intensive care, popping her knuckles. Neji followed closely behind, the nerves around his eyes receding slowly, and he relented to sitting beside me on the bench.

I tapped his back. "Are you alright, son?"

He jolted and looked at me. "Oh," he said. "Yes, I've simply overdone myself."

'Son' was an endearment I put into practice after Yoshino scolded me for addressing younger people 'kid'. She resented how it made me sound smug and mighty. Her advice worked, because my underclassmen in Intelligence respected me more. This time, however, I regretted using it on Neji.

That look of disappointment he showed when he saw it was only me and not his father was familiar. It mirrored my own when Michio passed away; his was a replica of the trivial emptiness I adopted since. It had been years ago, but I still missed Michio's heartless bullying.

Lady Tsunade signed a list from one of the resident doctors and shooed him. "Sai's chakra production was extremely low. Neji and I managed to normalize his chakra levels, but we might need a medic from the Hyuuga clan to keep watch over him."

"And what of his behavior while asleep?"

"The instability of his chakra levels may have affected the drugs you injected in his bloodstream and also the chemical distribution in his brain." Neji massaged his temples, easing a protruding nerve. "I'll relay some instructions to the Hyuuga medic you will be getting, because something's not right with what happened. Nothing in his pathways and his pressure points was causing chakra instability."

"Besides, this was too sudden. Sai showed no signs of any abnormalities in his body yesterday. In no instance in my whole medical career have I encountered an affected network of pathways that did not show the slightest symptom beforehand." Lady Tsunade fixed her gaze at the view above my head. She exhaled deeply, her left brow creasing. "Shikaku, Neji, do me a favor and be gentle on the information with Naruto. I can't have him pouring his attention on our medical dilemma when he has the Akatsuki tailing him – or wanting his tails, that is."

Naruto burst from an open window, landing on one foot while kneeing the stack of papers to his chest. Two overlapping sheets of paper inched downwards, and he tightened his embrace on the pile, begging it not to fall, not realizing he was tipping off his flamingo-like pose in an attempt to pursue it.

Lady Tsunade hastened to him and poked his forehead with her pinky, steadying him.

"Grandma! Neji!" He caught the paintbrush that crept from his stack of materials with a 'whoops' and a snicker. "Hey, Mr. Nara. I brought Sai a set of painting materials. You are going to make sure he wakes up tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, right? By the way, grandma, I'll be staying overnight again to watch over Sai, 'kay?"

"You have training with Yamato, Naruto," she said. "You can't be here every night, and you can't enter the hospital through windows every time."

He snorted. "Tell that to Jiraiya, why don't you."

"When he comes back-!"

"He'll surely be upset with the way you look!" Naruto frowned at her appearance.

Lady Tsunade looked down at herself.

"Ah-huh," Naruto made a disapproving click of his tongue. "You've lost weight, grandma, and your skin is sagging. Master Jiraiya said he liked you with a little more fat, especially in your arms. Tsk Tsk, you've been overworking yourself!"

Neji and I turned our heads the other way to avoid the ugly sight of the Hokage beating the kid with the Nine-Tails. She was so much like Sakura Haruno in this respect; both had no fear of men, no matter who they were.

This very thought silenced Naruto's pleading in the background of my consciousness. Perhaps I had taken her femininity too lightly. She didn't have children of her own, but she watched over Sakura and Naruto as though she was the one who carried them in her womb.

If I were in her place, I would trust Naruto to be mature enough to handle the severity of this case and push him to be more responsible. But then, if I were a woman with a love for him like a mother's, I would also consider sparing him for now a good decision.

It wasn't as if the Akatsuki was a group of average rogue ninjas.

Lady Tsunade understood Naruto's dilemma better than I ever would; while she could lose Sakura to the rebirth, she could also lose Naruto to the Akatsuki, and both losses risked great damage to the Hidden-Leaf.

When their bickering died down, I considered Naruto's observation of the Fifth's health.

She was growing old, and she cared too much about this case to notice that the one thing she had been hiding all her life was finally showing.

At last, I thought, she found something worse than aging: the concept of losing children.

Neji stood from the bench and turned. Sensing why, I followed his line of sight to an ANBU crouched on a tree branch. Lady Tsunade ended her squabbling with Naruto and snapped her fingers for the ANBU to approach.

He regarded our group, hesitant to speak. The Fifth urged him to proceed with his report.

"Ino Yamanaka is in your office, Lady Hokage," he said. "She has come with an urgent report from Laboratory Five."

The suspense was ineffable.

We marched to the Hokage's office without so much as a word. Lady Tsunade did not bother to pause upon entering, ordering Ino to report at once as she rounded her desk and plopped on her seat.

Ino made circular motions with her arms to bring out her words. "Kana was cut by two shards of glass – one on her collarbone and the other just above her left breast. After Shizune and I plucked the shards out, she bled, and then the blood receded back to the wound and healed. I can't explain it! Shizune's still there, checking if anything else will happen. But it was freaky that a dead woman healed by herself!"

"Kana healed?" Naruto walked over to her to inspect Ino's face, as though to make sure she wasn't fooling him.

Inoichi arrived, and Ino repeated her report for his sake. He turned to me at once, asking tacitly for a ready explanation, but I had none to give.

"Naruto." Lady Tsunade waved him over to her desk and asked him to stretch out his hand. She seized his wrist and spat a needle on his palm.

Naruto shrieked, wiggling away, but she kept a good hold of him and called on everyone to observe.

"What's wrong with you, old woman?" Naruto tugged the needle out.

The hole where the needle used to be oozed a few drops of blood. It shut close. Lady Tsunade brushed the wound with her thumb, and the blood smeared, but there was no longer a wound.

"Is that how it looked like, Ino?" she said.

"No." Ino unsheathed a kunai, cut across Naruto's palm, and healed it. "That's as close as I can show it. Like it was _healed_ …by a _medic_."

Naruto stole his hand back. "Do I look like a freakin' experimental pig to all of you? Isn't TonTon hiding behind that desk? Why not use him or eat him, huh?"

Inoichi touched his chin, thinking. "Kana was a medic…but she's long been dead."

"Can she be stealing life force from Sakura?" Ino suggested. "The rebirth jutsu has caused her to become younger; can the defect in the rebirth be allowing her to resurrect herself? I mean, her blood is-"

"But that means Sakura is dying." I caught Naruto staring at me, and I thought I saw his irises sharpen like that of a feline's. "But she isn't! She was in good health the last we checked on her. There's no need to worry over nothing. Shikamaru would have reported any drastic change at once."

He nodded. "Yeah…"

The following afternoon, Shikamaru sent a sparrow to report to us.

Lady Tsunade read the message just as we were preparing to leave for the forest with Neji. We had been answered; Sakura received two cuts around the same time Kana did, at the exact same points in their bodies, and Sakura healed hers, unknowingly healing Kana's too.

The Fifth returned to her chair, neither happy nor mad. She looked up at Neji, and then at me.

Neji put down the bag of medical apparatuses, realizing we were not leaving any time soon. "First Sai, then Sakura."

Lady Tsunade scraped her chair back and turned it so she was facing Konoha. "Chakra instability…similar wounds…"

"That happened yesterday, at the same time Kana was cut." I flipped the message on her desk to reread the report. Shikamaru's handwriting was clean, yet I could make out the slight meander in his strokes. He thought these wounds emerged out of nowhere.

"We understand that Kana and Sakura are connected through the rebirth, but how can a fresh wound on a dead body reflect on a living being?" She embraced herself and leaned down on the ledge, watching the streets below as though the answer would walk past if she was patient enough.

I opened my mouth to ask if the manner of the rebirth could have caused this unlikely effect, but I already knew the answer: yes. I flashed back to my earlier visit to my team in Intelligence, at their work in breaking down the elements Ryo used to perform the rebirth, and then at the idea I was formulating in the hospital yesterday while waiting for the result of Neji's inspection of Sai.

"What if…" I closed my eyes for five seconds to straighten the concept weaving in my brain. "What if Sai is experiencing the rebirth, too? Put yourself in Ryo's shoes: my wife could die if I don't perform the rebirth successfully. This kid with a paintbrush is defeating me. That other boy is painting a restraining seal over my own seal around the pond. He is rescuing Sakura. My wife would die. I will have to find a way to survive. I have to at least _try_."

"Yes, I've thought the same, but Shikaku, what rebirth could be done so hastily and still be effective?"

"Perhaps this is the result of another faulty rebirth? Like Sakura's?" Neji said.

She looked hard at him. "And the effect of the faulty rebirth is this behavior from Sai? Chakra instability? That could be. Shikaku, what basis do you have for this theory of yours that Ryo could have used Sai as a rebirth vessel on a last-minute resort?"

"The seal around the pond," I confessed. "The pond itself. Water element. Kazuo and Isas' notions led me to recheck the progress of my team and re-investigate the drafts of all the theories we had thus far. The most prevalent of all was the theory on water; the human body is seventy percent _water_. It's an imperfect theory considering the other factors involved, but it's the best one I have. The seizure Sakura experienced after Shikamaru pulled her from Kana _could be_ the effect of interrupting the ceremony. Concisely… by using the water element as a means of penetrating the very core of the vessel, the rebirth was aiming for perfection – to rebirth a soul by re-wiring the pathways of the foreign body it has chosen. If that's the aim of the rebirth, water should be the main element."

"To redo your pathway to match mine would be to make your body suitable for my soul." She put her hands on her hips. She dropped her arms to her sides. She put her hands on her face. "The sudden change in a person's network of pathways would cause the body to fight it. _To fight it!_ That would explain Sai's behavior!"

Neji's expression perked. "The chakra instability…Sai is fighting the rebirth, hence the seizures. You might be correct, Mr. Nara!"

"Not yet." Lady Tsunade tapped her foot. The clicking sound reduced this room into box that imprisoned us to the wicked glory of our hypothesis. "Neji, I need you to go to Laboratory Five and memorize the pathways of Kana and Ryo. We will transfer Sai to the containment area tomorrow where you can compare his pathways with Ryo's. Right now, we go to the woods and see if Sakura reflected Kana's wounds because her pathways have began to morph. If anyone would be mimicking anyone's pathways soundly, it would be Sakura."

Neji nodded his head. His movement gradually slowed. The corners of his lips curved down. "What will happen if we're correct and Ryo is being reborn in Sai?"

The subtle hint of an implication made me shift my weight and scowl.

Lady Tsunade said, "We stop it. That's the plan."

Neji hesitated. "By no means do I intend to offend you by questioning your judgment, Lady Hokage, but doesn't the scale of our predicament require the attention of a larger team? By chance that we are caught off-guard by the speed of the rebirth-"

"Shut up, Neji." She turned her head to the side, glimpsing him. "Do as I say. We'll require the attention of as much people when I say so. Right now, we are enough. Now go. Come back as fast as you can so we can proceed with the visit in the Nara forest."

"Yes, Fifth." He bowed and retreated.

I let a couple of minutes pass before I cleared my throat to revive our discourse. Even then, the cruelty of her tone still stung. "My lady,"

"Don't try to convince me otherwise, Shikaku."

"Neji was right, ma'am."

Her shoulders rose and slumped. Her arms hung at her sides. "We have a theory with hypothetical evidence. Until we earn the facts, no one besides our group must know. Do you understand, Shikaku?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Only later did I fathom why, the whole duration of our talk, the Hokage was staring at Konoha at large. Provided our speculations be proven true, the best we could do was find a cure before Sakura and Sai become a threat to the Hidden-Leaf.

Hidden in the leaves; Shikamaru served as the canopy that shielded Sakura from the rest of the world right now. As heartless as it was, I hoped Ryo chose Sai to be a vessel rather than my own son.

The moment Neji returned, we set out for the visit.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Thirteen**

 **Shikamaru / Sakura**

 **Shikamaru:**

I covered the top of the box with my hand and, after counting to three, peered at the engraving. Shikamaru. Still the same. Try again.

I'd been doing this since we discovered it yesterday in a hope that delusions were a by-product of rebirth jutsu-related injuries. But no matter how patient I was, the name on the box remained unchanging.

It was still _my_ name on it.

The wind rustled the canopy, forcing the forest into movement and showering me with leaves. The doe to my right remained fast asleep, the side of her face pressed against my thigh. She reminded me of Sakura, which diverted my attention back to how confused she'd obviously been about our relationship.

She demanded things like proper morning kisses. Yet whenever I'd comply, she'd put on this bewildered expression as though asking me what right I had to go near her. In spite of that, I tried to be consistent in giving her an absent-minded kiss the soonest I was awake (the more lethargic I was, the better I could pull off being casual about it) and she pretended to like it, although there was always one hand ready to scratch her back afterwards. Whether it was the idea of kissing me or the manner in which I did it that upset her, I couldn't tell.

There was also the matter of catching one another in the middle of undressing. I walked in on her just yesterday and she'd thrown the lamp at me instinctively. By the time I'd stopped seeing stars, I could hardly remember the sight of her left breast. All I could recall was that lamp zooming in on me.

When it was her who caught me shirtless and pulling down my boxers in the bathroom, however, she only hesitated for a second before asking me where she could find a book about deciphering codes. Bent on my waist with my butt crack half exposed, I'd steeled my nerves and turned my head to look at her. "It's in our bedroom. On the desk. I was reading it last night."

Sakura simply rolled her eyes up and said 'oh' before walking out without shutting the door.

She would toss me from husband to casual acquaintance in a blink. Bossing me around one moment and then volunteering to give me massages the next. By the end of the day, I'd always be too worn out to even worry that she'd get intimate with me and attempt to crawl beside me on the bed – or the mattress.

That was another peculiarity, actually.

We didn't share the same bed. That was one thing she never wavered about so far. It was either Sakura's passion for modesty was too saintly for the rebirth to overtake or Kana slept alone even with Ryo around.

I tipped my head back and squinted at the canopy. Through the gaps, I saw the clouds drift past carelessly.

Something about my strategy felt wrong. The friction between my conscious and subconscious indicated a crevice in our plan. I could feel that friction in my fingertips whenever I touched Sakura and forced her to believe I was that devoted psychopath of a husband she loved.

I laughed, and the trembling of my body woke the doe. I apologized to her and said, "I'm going to lose my mind soon if I keep playing house with Sakura. And this box. I've honestly got no logical explanation to this shitty box with my joke of a name on it."

 **Sakura:**

The slanted tip of the green highlighter dried. I capped it.

Retreating from the table, I sank on the couch and stared at the curve leading to the hall. At the end of that hall was the stairs leading to the ground floor, and on the ground floor was the front door, and outside the front door was the path leading to the west side of the forest, and in the west side of the forest was the cache where a replica of Shikamaru's box sat, hidden in the dark…so innocently.

He should be done reconstructing the wooden panels that concealed it; he had been gone for nearly one hundred and twenty-two minutes. We agreed he would be back as soon as he was finished, and while he was working on it, I would continue studying the scrolls.

For the first hour, I had managed to push back my worry and move on with highlighting the passages we marked yesterday evening. Through keen evaluation of the texts as a whole, we saw the interconnected pattern of the scrolls. Shikamaru didn't allow us to rest until we filtered the passages that fit the pattern.

I was just about to highlight my third scroll when anxiety overtook me at last.

Certainly, Shikamaru was not telling me a fact about that box – a fact that shook him to the bones.

Those one hundred rubber bands made of a fiber found only in the Nara forest were instruments of good fortune, as he once explained. More than that - and this was my initial hypothesis to his quiet distress - the one hundred rubber bands symbolized the birthright of the first-born son.

I capped and uncapped the highlighter, finding comfort in the company of the clicking sound reverberating in my eardrums.

Shikamaru did say that Michio was never fond of him or of Shikaku. Given the facts at hand, could it be that Shikaku had another first-born son they were supposed to name Shikamaru but died, and Yoshino never wanted their next son, the Shikamaru with me today, to find out about his deceased brother?

I had heard of mothers too pained by the loss of their child that they relented to never speak of them again. In order to move on properly, Shikaku and Yoshino buried the box meant for the first son and weaved another hundred rubber bands for their second.

I rolled the cap on my palm. My fingers enclosed on the tiny, green plastic, and the sound of a snap roused me from my stupor.

Shikamaru would be devastated if that were the untold story behind that hidden box.

Unless that box wasn't related to him at all.

It could have been hiding there long before he and I were born, and there was nothing about it that could demoralize Shikamaru.

"Zip it, Sakura," I told myself while I made my way back to the table. "There's nothing to worry about. It's too early to worry. Whatever it is - " Taking a deep breath and licking my lips to moisten them " - Whatever it is, Shikamaru needs me to be less of a bother."

A thud downstairs alerted me of his arrival.

My fingers uncurled, setting free the shards of what used to be the highlighter's cap.

Footsteps disturbed the silence of the stairs. A head ascended into view. I swept the green shards off the table and willed my mind back to the script I was supposed to be highlighting. My eyes hovered over the page - at the printed words - only to find I had completely forgotten what I was searching for.

A shadow appeared at the entrance of the living room. My head snapped up in time to see him enter.

Shikamaru twisted his neck side to side, his right arm folded back to hold his nape. Our gazes met. He flicked his eyes down to the scrolls laid across the table. "How is it?"

"What do you mean?"

He moved to my side, studying the scroll beneath my hand. "Any development?"

"Oh!" I cursed myself. "It's…I was distracted by the sound of the front door opening. I lost my train of thoughts. Don't worry, I'm always like this. How is the…were you able to return it to the way it was before we found it?"

He stepped closer to see the fourth passage. Something cracked. Upturning the sole of his shoe, he looked at the highlighter in my hand, and then at me. "Are these little green things on the floor the cap of that green pen?"

"No." I chucked the highlighter into a round container, picked up the tape dispenser and the two scrolls I had finished highlighting beforehand, and walked to the bare wall ahead.

"You can take a break if you're tired," he said."I can wrap this up, you know."

"Don't be silly, Shikamaru. You underestimate me."

"Nah, I mean, these are more troublesome than I imagined. Ancient shit and all."

"Really? They're rather simple once you get the hang of it." I fingered the rim of the scroll and let it spread downward. The pattern of the highlighted passages demanded this be posted vertically. "You can take it easy for now, if you want. You deserve a break. Hey, I can brew that herbal tea for you. You left the basket of those colored leaves on the kitchen table, and I was curious so I studied them. Lady Tsunade taught me that those kinds of herbs were only as good as the thickness of the powder they emit through their pores. The red ones are the best among the bunch, I guess. The powder clung to my fingers so easily. Although, when I smelled them, the pink ones were the most fragrant. If you let me, maybe I can harvest some and combine them for research. Shizune's been mentoring me on my case studies. My first one had been approved and Suna bought rights to it but of course, the whole antidote is patented to me. Lady Tsunade was so impressed with my performance that she provided a budget for my research. Oh, you must know about the antidote, Shikamaru! It's concerning the poison Sasori attacked Kankuro with. Using the ingredients Lady Chiyo's team gave me as a present before I left Suna, I improved the antidote to cure poisons raging up to two scales higher than the caliber of Sasori's poison. They're in production in the Sand Village now."

He tapped the pen against the table repeatedly. "…Were you paid for that?"

"Yes - a small sum - but I don't care about the money. Not yet, anyway." I laughed at the idea of leeching money off villages through medical research. "My next case study is a little more difficult, and I would need your opinion. I know, I know, you're not a medic, but you've been through enough trouble with your pathways to comment. It concerns creating a reservoir of chakra at the back of the heart - enough for regeneration. It means that once the body requires it, as adrenaline works its way into our system, the pace of one's heart can trigger the reservoir to permeate the walls of the heart, therefore distributing the chakra throughout the entire body, permitting healing in accordance to the degree of medical treatment infused in the reservoir." I flattened the tape across the edge of the scroll and turned around, half-smirking. "Shikamaru?"

His attention was stuck to his feet. His chest rose and fell slowly, indicating thoughts that brought about exhaustion rather than frustration. Perhaps he'd crossed that stage already and was now too tired to feel the heat of his stress.

I released the tape dispenser from between my waist and my elbow and approached him. He noticed me and motioned for the bank of scrolls we had set aside on a separate armchair.

I scooped them up and put them quietly in front of him.

He unsealed each one, scanned their contents, found what he wanted, and raced to the wall.

"What is it?" I watched him turn the open scrolls in all angles. He pinned the end of the paper above the one I just taped and asked if I could hold it for him. Obeying, I reached up and kept it in place with my finger. I traced the highlighted script on the scroll beneath to the script of the one I was holding. "Shikamaru, the highlighter," I said.

He pressed the side of his face on the wall and tiptoed, not hearing me.

I patted my pockets for any markers, fished a blue pen, and encircled the script that aligned to the ones I highlighted. "Shikamaru, the tape. I need to tape this so I can get the highlighter."

"Hm." He pressed his forehead against the end of the scroll to maintain its alignment. He flicked his ankle to toss upwards another scroll.

"Shikamaru!"

He dropped the scroll and jerked his head towards me, eyebrows raised. "What?"

I dropped my arms to my sides and sighed. "What is this?"

"A map," he said, glancing at the rolls of paper on the wall. "It must be, just look at the-"

"Are you okay?" I reached for his arm, wanting to hold him to assure him he had a friend, but I was too afraid that I withdrew it. "Do you want to talk about the box?"

He stared at me, mouth open. He closed it and shook his head. "…It's nothing important."

"Then why are you acting that way? Like you're disconnected?" I asked. "If – if you're bothered by it, you can always tell me. Maybe I can _help_?"

"No, Sakura." He shook his head again. "It's not your problem – it's not a problem at all, really." Forcing a smile, he added, "Thanks, anyway."

I shouldn't get pissed off. Another argument right after the one we had in the forest was a sign of a worsening relationship. I rubbed my right hand over my left for the sake of doing something. "I'll make you tea. The herbs you gathered – I think I know how to make the tea you said is supposed to calm the nerves. Do you want one? C'mon, if you don't want to talk about it, that's no problem to me. I only want you to stop pretending to be fine when you're not."

"When Shikaku visits…" He taped the scroll in place and turned to face me again. "…please don't mention anything to him, 'kay?"

No, it wasn't okay. He gave me no hint of what I could do to help him.

I stopped rubbing my hands together. "Yeah, sure."

He patted my shoulder as he walked past me. "Thanks. I'll get you the flower grandma uses as a secret ingredient to that calming tea of hers."

Shikamaru went to the greenhouse by himself, and I waited for him on the kitchen table. I sat between the assortments of colored leaves I had laid out. As hard as I tried, I couldn't drive my thoughts away from that damned box. If Shikamaru was reacting this badly - nearly behaving on autopilot - it meant he knew a fact about the existence of that box that he didn't want to share.

The red leaf sitting between my knees glared at me.

I glared back at it and stuck my tongue out. If only I had not accused him of withholding something from me, then I could force him to tell me the truth about this one.

Shikamaru stepped inside the kitchen through the backdoor, cradling a basket of bulbous flowers. "They're long overdue harvest. There's a recipe hidden in one of the pantry cabinets. Grandma has forty different recipes for these nasty smelling things that are actually delicious when fried."

I reached for one and put it under my nose. "It smells fine."

He rounded the table and put the basket beside me. "Girls like that scent. Be happy I don't."

"Great proof of manhood?"

"Absolutely. Shows you're a true woman, too."

I pitched him the flower. It stuck to his hair. "You doubt my femininity?"

"Only the gender of your strength."

The image of him lying on our bedroom floor beside a broken lampshade returned to me. There were some days I wish I weren't so physically strong. "Speaking of which…how's your bruise?"

"Bruise? The...oh, _that_. Getting better. Don't think about it."

"I was startled."

"I should have knocked. It's my fault," he said, leaning forward and pointing at the violet leaves splayed above the red ones. "Can you pass me those? They mix well with these. I'll grind them and show you how to tear the petals."

Gathering them in my hands, I sat back on my heels and swung my arm blindly, my attention already averted to the tiny nectars of the flower that I had failed to notice earlier.

I felt him move behind me, his fingers brushing against mine as they retrieved the flower, and he whispered 'thank you'. His breath on my nape froze me in my place.

I blinked. I was a thirteen year-old girl again, standing on the road leading to the exit of Konoha with leaves raining down around me. Ahead, Sasuke vanished. I would've screamed if I hadn't felt the heat of his body behind mine. He whispered, 'thank you'.

"Shikamaru?"

"Yeah, Sakura?"

I turned around to look at him. He paused from wiping the mortar and pestle to look up at me.

"Nothing," I said. "Just making sure that was you."


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Fourteen**

 **Shikaku**

The sun rays reflected the hue of the canopy's leaves. Shades of yellow, green, orange, and brown sunrays danced around the forest floor.

Had our visit been for another matter entirely, I would have brought Yoshino here to amaze her with this episodic grandeur. Nature was unpredictable - that was a universal truth despite our many efforts to schedule the ascent and descent of the ocean's waves. But today I would rather describe it as thoughtless.

There was no occasion for color, or for dance.

Those joyous acts transpired in times of happiness.

We were not happy.

"I think I'll stay with Naruto to check on Sai later, just in case our theory is correct and something unexpected happens," Neji said, severing our silence. He dusted a spiked leaf off his right shoulder.

"That's a good idea," I said. I considered the length of his strides and the slump of his shoulders and deduced he must be nearing over-fatigue. A deer walked parallel to him, sniffing him, inspecting him. Neji distanced himself from it and asked if he was considered a threat.

"He likes your aura, that's all." I turned my attention to the Fifth, who was treading our path in a daze. "Are you still thinking about the physical connection between Sakura and Kana, Lady Tsunade?"

Her head jerked, tossing her pigtails over her shoulders, and she blinked at our surroundings until she found me. "What was that you said?"

"Are you still thinking about the physical connection between Sakura and Kana?"

She kicked aside a rock. "We've considered the pathways, yes, but the similar wounds could only be because of the triangular seal Sakura painted on their wrists. If it hasn't truly faded, or the ink sank deep into their skins, their connection may be temporary and nothing of real concern. I am, however, alarmed by Sakura's keenness."

"It's good that Shikamaru had a lie planned beforehand," Neji said.

"Using Danzo and the common shinobi laws to intensify her guilt so she'll think twice about being suspicious again was pretty clever, I have to say."

"Although," I said, "I don't think he would have told us about Sakura's side-trips to search for Sasuke unless he needed to use that excuse to cover for the truth."

Neji ducked past a low-lying branch. "You mean he didn't tell you that he knew about Sakura's offense?"

"His protectiveness cannot automatically be blamed on anything romantic, though," I said.

"It could be that he didn't want to add another burden on her shoulder, so he considered this knowledge as a future bullet to be used on her instead."

"Only, when he does use it, Sakura already believes it had been taken care of. Shikamaru has protected her from the government and from her shame while proving his credibility as her hus – pretend husband - with one, smooth lie." I suppressed a smirk. Shikamaru had the sharpness of a man my age who fancied finishing three tasks by tossing one stone.

He was my son indeed.

Lady Tsunade grinned at me. Lines surfaced around her eyes. "No worries; the offense will be paid by both Sakura and Shikamaru once all of this is over. Lecture your son, Shikaku. I am grateful for his witty lie, but I don't appreciate that he withheld knowledge from us."

"I will, milady."

"And before I forget, I've spoken to Sanae," she said. "She told me the two of you had an… _encounter_."

"I can assure you that it wasn't about her possible involvement with the rebirth case, milady. She accuses me of an offense made in the days of our youth. I simply warned her not to take it out on my son."

Lady Tsunade looked at me for a moment, hesitant. "Whatever that is, I'm sure you wouldn't withhold anything that I should _know_ right at this moment."

"I would've come to you with the information if that were the case."

"She won't be nuisance to us?"

"No. I'll make sure of it."

"Good."

"May I know what you discussed with her?"

"Sanae detailed how she stumbled upon your son during the festival." She reached up to a low-lying tree branch and snapped it in two. "That woman put too much detail to her story I nearly smashed the desk over her head. Obviously, she sees it as a funny thing to make me uncomfortable by being so straightforward. I knew she was getting back at me for questioning her methods."

"If she mentioned a puzzle…"

"She did."

"Shikamaru thought she used him to do her work. But I've had enough of her chasing after Nara men to know that the puzzle is merely pieces of cut out cardboard guised as something ancient. She messes with their heads as part of her research."

Crushing the branch in her fist, she scowled and flicked a piece of wood at me. "I'm starting to think I should be informed of this personal matter you have with Sanae. You must have really offended her if she's out to get you after all these years."

"It's…it's a false accusation," I muttered, hoping Neji couldn't hear us well. "Yoshino dealt with it five years ago. Apparently, Sanae didn't get the message."

"You'll tell me in the future," she said. "I don't want to have her doing anything to you and Shikamaru and catching me by surprise. Let's not even consider how Yoshino will bother me if something happens to you. Once Kurenai's gotten that baby out of her, I'll be kicking Sanae out of the military compound and into a retirement home."

I was about to respond when the wind surged from behind us, flailing the hem of my vest upwards. The deer trailing Neji trudged forward, following the direction of the wind.

I slowed my pace, sensing around fifteen or so deer gathered near the house. Panic overtook me. He'd often seen me call the deer to divert Yoshino's attention. But after lying to Sakura about Danzo and that rogue ninja, for what other reason could he need the deer's help? It couldn't be an argument. Surely Sakura would be too ashamed of her misgivings to argue with Shikamaru after what he'd supposedly done for her.

Oh no.

"Shikamaru's in trouble!" I raced them to the house, willing my body to go faster, wishing with all my might that I would arrive there first just in case they were in an awkward position.

The house came into view on the horizon. As I drew closer, the herd of deer simultaneously turned their heads to my direction. I inclined my body to see what they had been spying on.

An open window?

Shit, Shikamaru. If I caught you, I would bend all your joints backwards.

Lady Tsunade bellowed for me to slow down. I pretended not to hear, but I _did_ look back in fear that Neji had activated his byakugan and had seen what I had been dreading. There wouldn't be enough time to connive him into avoiding the Fifth's temper, so my next dilemma would be keeping Shikamaru's head on his body.

I bent my knees to put all my weight on my feet as they scraped the ground to a halt, and the deer cleared a path for me. With a deft boost, I leapt through the window.

Sakura screamed and bounced off the kitchen table, a variety of colored herbs flying away. Shikamaru burst through the backdoor, dropped a basket of herbs, and dove to catch her.

I summoned a shadow to pull his leg forward. His neck missed the edge of the sink and they hit the floor instead. Sakura wrapped her arms around Shikamaru's head seconds before the fall, her elbow crashing through the floorboard to lessen the impact.

Lady Tsunade whacked the kitchen door open.

I withdrew my shadow, panting.

Shikamaru pulled his face from Sakura's chest, his skin a worrisome crimson. He rolled on his back and lifted his head. "Dad!"

Sakura tugged her elbow out of the breakage. She scanned the room. "Fifth! Neji!"

Lady Tsunade sucked in a breath, her face flushing a bright pink "What in the world are you doing on the floor? Both of you get up!"

"We weren't doing anything!" Shikamaru folded up and reached for his ankle. "Sakura screamed and I came in to catch her falling from the table! I swear, Lady Tsunade!"

Neji carried the table aside and offered Sakura a hand. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, thanks…Shikamaru, you hurt?"

I collapsed on my heels, relieved and humiliated all at once. "It's my fault. I'm sorry. The deer were peeking in the house I thought…something terrible happened. They must've smelled the herbs. It's my right to worry, Shikamaru – don't give me that frown! Sakura, I'm sorry for the fright. There's no reason to be alarmed, Lady Tsunade."

Sakura heaved Shikamaru up by the arm. He plucked the leaves from his shirt with a sigh. "Yeah, dad, I believe you."

Neji, realizing the situation, suggested we moved on to the check-up.

Everybody agreed.

I liked this Neji kid; he was useful.

We settled inside the second-floor living room which Shikamaru and Sakura had turned into their workplace. I could barely recognize it with all the clutter and missing furniture, but my body responded to this room more than it did any other place in this house, and I could almost hear it confirm this was the same room I played in as a child.

Pinewood enclosed my senses with familiarity, impressing me with a pint of control over the situation. I nearly forgot this was my territory. This was my place of power, and there was no surprise I would not be able to contain here. Michio did well by embedding me with that veracity.

Neji adjusted his ponytail higher on his head as he maneuvered past the muddle. "It is hot here, is it not?"

"Working on it." Shikamaru knotted the hem of the orange curtains together to improve the ventilation. Sakura tiptoed behind him and extended her hand past his waist to prod the windowpanes apart. She clutched his shirt to sustain her balance.

Shikamaru, upon feeling her nearness, doubled backwards. He paused, apologized, and straightened his shirt. He glimpsed the Hokage and saw she had missed their friendliness.

Sakura dismissed his quaintness and progressed to collecting the scrolls aligned on the floor to let us pass. "We've recognized a pattern here, but we're only halfway discovering what it is," she said.

I teased aside a green highlighter with my foot. "A pattern?"

"Ancient coding technique." Shikamaru pointed to the wall decorated with scrolls. "It's some sort of map."

Lady Tsunade approached, skimming the green highlights across passages from scroll to scroll. She grazed the pattern with her forefinger. "These are some difficult script. You managed to do all these in a week? Have you been getting enough rest?"

"Of course." Sakura cleared the table with a sweep of her arm. "Although, Shikamaru's had trouble sleeping, right, Shikamaru? He lit five Harini leaves last night."

"Five?" I turned to my son, my eyebrows arched so high on my forehead that my wrinkles overlapped.

Shikamaru winced. "Are you sure I lit five?"

Sakura looked at him, then at me. "Why? Is it unhealthy?"

"Harini? The yellow ones?" Lady Tsunade turned to Shikamaru also. "You are sleeping in one room, right?"

"Are those the leaves you were arranging on top of the table, Sakura?" asked Neji.

She rolled their scratch papers into one pile and bound them with a string. "Those were ready for harvest, and Shikamaru taught me how to sort them properly. Seriously, is anything the matter with it?"

"Of course not!" I faked a laugh and took the bag of medical apparatuses from the Hokage. "We should start – we haven't got all day."

Sakura looked at Shikamaru, and he at her, but neither said anything. Lady Tsunade led Sakura to another room for her check-up. As I fiddled the stack of their handwritten transcriptions, I heard Sakura ask the Fifth about Harini leaves while they searched the hall for a suitable room.

Shikamaru removed his shirt and sat cross-legged on the floor in front of Neji.

"Byakugan!"

A door closed with a click.

I squatted next to Shikamaru, noting his effort to keep his eyes locked on his toes. "Five, Shikamaru?" I asked. " _Five_?"

Neji peered at me.

"Don't mind us, Neji," I said. " _What the hell_ , Shikamaru? You know full well that a yellow Harini is used on animals, not humans!"

"Grandpa used those on me as a child."

"One leaf and on calculated intervals!"

"I've had only seven in four days, dad, and you've had twenty the day gramps died."

Neji hit three pressure points on the upper right side of his back. Shikamaru squared his arms and clutched his knees.

I paced in front of him. "Why the hell are you burning Harini leaves before you sleep, Shikamaru? And with Sakura in the same room?"

"I did my math too, dad," he grumbled. "She consumes it while she sleeps and it burns out in the next twenty-four hours like they are mere calories, keeping her calm enough for my sake. And if you really want a more valid motive, the Harini I allow us to consume keeps her too tired to try anything funny on me."

"It can also get her high enough to do those funny things."

Neji inspected the column of Shikamaru's spine. "You mean it can be drug abuse?"

"Thank you, Neji."

"Great. Conspirators." Shikamaru hunched lower. Neji told him to stop holding his breath in; he had to inhale and exhale normally.

The raggedness of his exhales disturbed my mental flurry.

We would never tell Shikamaru, and I knew he would never suspect. Neji, I could safely assume, was now matching his pathways to Ryo's to see if the rebirth was also happening to him. It was a possibility I could never deny; he was the first to show damage to his pathways.

We were only making sure.

"I don't want to intervene, Shikamaru, but it might not be healthy for Sakura, especially with the instability of her condition," Neji said, and he eased his byakugan. He blinked experimentally and patted Shikamaru's shoulder as he stood. "Five pathways were narrowed, but it's normal considering what you went through. This will happen for at least two more weeks, at a rate of five to eight chakra paths affected per seven days, but it will eventually get better. You're on the path to recovery."

Shikamaru thrust his head in the left sleeve of his shirt, cursed, and searched for the right opening. "Aren't I supposed to feel it when they narrow? Won't they hurt?"

"It might be the wonder of your Harini drug. If you've been consuming it at an abnormal amount, then maybe it numbed the nerves connected to your pathways." He shrugged. "I'm not a medic, but it's possible as far as I know about chakra channels. Also, since you aren't producing enough chakra, the stream where it flows doesn't grow thick enough to actually touch the walls of your pathways, hence keeping the sensors of those walls from detecting the difficulty your chakra is experiencing as it travels throughout your body."

"Is there anything more we should be concerned about?" I asked. Shikamaru finally put his head through the right hole. I mentioned he wore his shirt backwards. He said he didn't care.

Neji looked down at Shikamaru, thoughtful. "I suggest you try concentrating your chakra in one limb at a time every morning, forcing as much chakra to stream in your major pathways all at once. If the Harini has left your system and still you don't feel pain when you do this exercise, report to the Hokage immediately. It could be that the walls of your pathways are the ones damaged, and that would require surgery to revive them. Let's hope it doesn't lead to that."

Lady Tsunade appeared in the hall, a stethoscope dangling from her neck. "Neji, we need you here."

"Why?" Shikamaru inched himself upright.

She squinted at the stitches of his shirt. "Unless that is designed that way, you're wearing your shirt backwards, Shikamaru."

I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled it over his head. "Pardon my son, Fifth. He's clueless when it comes to clothes. Neji, go on ahead."

Once he was inside the room Lady Tsunade chose and the door was closed, I said, "Now that you've successfully worn your shirt correctly-"

"Dad, why does Neji have to see Sakura's pathways?" He hurled me that disbelieving look he had mustered since Yoshino explained to him the whole concept of adults having to lie from time to time.

There was an entire year – if I was not mistaken, Shikamaru was nine then – when he stopped believing whatever came out of my mouth altogether. He had assumed everything adults said, with the exception of his mother, was a lie, leading him to a worse assumption that, hence, I didn't love him.

Yoshino spent the next three months unwinding this notion in his brain to no avail. Shikamaru only relieved himself of that idea come his circumcision day, when I promised it never killed anyone. In fact, I had been through it and I was still alive. Later, he apologized for disbelieving me. The logic that led to his surrender was the undeniable facts that I was male, and male shinobis had to undergo circumcision, and it was impossible for me to be a ghost.

I couldn't believe my eyes when that same qualm from seven years ago surfaced on his face.

What had Yoshino done to my boy?

"Because, Shikamaru," I said, slowly, as if I was still guaranteeing my nine-year-old son that I loved him. "The sudden wound on Sakura was a reflection of Kana's wounds from a laboratory tests on her corpse. The lights went off, Ino tried to bring it back, but the bulb overhead Kana's body broke and two shards pierced her body: one on her collarbone and the other above her left breast. Exactly where Sakura had her wounds, correct? Lady Tsunade is considering it a safe alternative that it may also just be the triangular seal Sakura put on Kana that caused it."

"But that triangular seal is originally intended for sharing chakra."

"Well, a dead person can't share chakra she can't produce so with the assistance of the rebirth, it's sharing physical indentations and whatnot instead." I stripped off my vest to lighten my weight. "Neji memorized Kana's pathways earlier this morning, and now he's comparing it with Sakura's. If her pathways are mimicking Kana's slowly, then that would explain the mutual wounds. Actually, that's our first hypothesis."

Shikamaru stood still for several seconds. He craned his neck so he was facing the mouth of the hallway.

"I saw the tattoo, dad. It was growing. Like, it reached the middle of her spine now. Nothing's changed in the list of her habits in the reference you gave me. Maybe aside from the fact that she rarely wears red or pink now. Anyway, it's still growing…now you say it's her pathways that can be morphing as a result of the rebirth? Kana's consuming her from the inside?"

"It's the differences in our inner-circuits that make us unique. That might be the design of the rebirth. Shikamaru, I know you're afraid."

"Dad, I'm not." He scratched his neck, and the longer he scratched, the more apparent his anguish became. "How come? _Is that even possible_? A rebirth affecting the pathways of a person? "

I decided against telling him about Sai. "There has to be an explanation to all of these. We're testing this theory, and if we're incorrect, then we'll test the next most probably theory."

"You're convinced with this one, though."

"The findings of my investigation team formed the foundation of this theory. Right now, they're attempting to understand the design of the jutsu in order to find a way to reverse it."

"…There's no reversing it if we're too late."

"Shikamaru, did something happen?"

He sat on the floor again. "I told you, the tattoo is growing."

"Son, did you peek at her while she was naked just to see it?"

His brows drooped lower over his eyes. "She had to change clothes after getting those injuries. I saw by accident. Rest assured, your son is not a pervert."

"Ah."

He pressed the tip of two of his fingers together. "Ino told me about the night Sasuke left Konoha. She saw it in Sakura's memory – she tried to stop him. He whispered 'thank you' behind her before knocking her out so she wouldn't follow him. It was an accident – my doing the same thing earlier – and I only realize it now, that after I said 'thank you' she turned around to check if it was me…if it was _me_ standing behind her and not _Sasuke_."

"She's merging you with Sasuke now, you say?"

"Ryo promised her that he will do anything to save her, no matter the means, no matter the cost."

He connected a third pair of fingers.

"Shikamaru, you've got to stop fearing the rebirth. Focus on defeating it."

" _You don't understand, dad_."

"You burn the Harini to fall asleep, right? But since you've consumed much after Asuma's death, your body's become so immune you need a larger amount to knock you unconscious."

Shikamaru stood and rolled his shoulders back, his hands recoiling to form fists.

I gripped his nape, looking him in the eyes though he refused to do the same. "You don't use drugs to help you. You depend on the people who care. If you don't stop with the Harini, you'll not wake up someday. You'll go into an all-time high, and then your brain will crash. I don't want to attach respirators on my own son, do you understand? If you end up killing your brain despite my warning, I won't feed you through tubes or pray you get better – I'll be ending your misery. You choose your path, son. As a father, my role is not to control you, but to guide you."

Shikamaru yanked himself away. "It's only been a little over a week and I'm drug-dependent for sleep. I-I can't do this, dad. I can't keep on fooling Sakura. I knew her growing up – I know how fragile she is in the inside no matter how tough she appears on the outside. I saw her cry to Naruto, begging to bring Sasuke back. Dad, I'm taking her life from her! More than that, I'm taking her from her family! From Naruto! He has nothing left in his life but Team Seven, and just when they're on Sasuke's trail, I screwed up and took his friends away – Sakura and Sai at the same time! I know he's an idiot, but he doesn't deserve this. There has to be another person more suitable for this job!"

"Name that person."

Shikamaru gawked at me. He realized it and closed his mouth. He stared at me.

"Go on, Shikamaru. Name that person and I will replace you immediately."

He punched the table.

"Do you hear yourself, Shikamaru? Your manner of thinking is a shame to our clan!"

"I know, dad, I know!"

"I'm glad you told me anyway."

" _What_?"

"Being afraid isn't a weakness." I pushed the windowpane some more to let in more air. I could now see why I was always left breathless whenever Michio and I quarreled in this room. He never opened these windows wide enough. "It's a chance to be brave. This is your chance to see how far you can go."

"This isn't an experiment; I've only got one shot at this."

"It's either you push through with this mission and do your best or lose it without even trying," I said. "And then you can judge whether you deserve all the blame you're shouldering. You want the truth? Nobody's even pointing a finger at you to begin with. We all know this has been an ambush planned for years, and it just so happens you were the one with Sakura when Kana and Ryo decided to take action. Had any man with lesser intellect been there instead of you, we won't even be here, pursuing the possibility that all these could be fixed. Son, you gave Sakura a chance to survive. Now make sure she does."

Shikamaru exhaled, allowing his body to relax for the first time since my visit. I saw the gentle scrutiny in his eyes and the slow acceptance of my wisdom. He stood beside me, watched the grass on the meadow teeter, and whistled the deer to go away. We were fine, he told them. "I'm sorry I used the Harini."

"It's good that you are," I said.

He snickered, but it died too soon. "By the way…I found…Sakura and I stumbled upon…"

"What?"

"A…a bo-ok. Yeah. An old one that could have been gramps'. Sakura was wondering if she can borrow it?"

"Yes, of course. Father won't rise from the grave to scold her, so go ahead."

"Thanks."

Lady Tsunade and Neji walked through the mouth of the hall and entered the living room.

Shikamaru turned around to see them. "Where's Sakura?"

"Unconscious," said Neji.

"What's wrong?"

I noted the panic in his voice. He really was deeply concerned for his girl.

Lady Tsunade smiled, which was always good news. "Relax, Shikamaru, I told Neji to put her to sleep without her noticing it. For a smart father-and-son duo, either of you lack the sense to argue in subtler voices when the person you're talking about is just in the next room. Are the both of you done?"

We stiffened. "Yes, ma'am."

Neji stared at Shikamaru, his lips on the verge of frowning.

I turned to the Hokage. Her smile was gone now. She too, stared at him.

Shikamaru grazed the sweat from his forehead up to his scalp, nodding. "Sakura's pathways are affected. It isn't the triangular seal. I'm right, aren't I?"

"It's reached the base of her spine," Neji specified.

"She may not be feeling it because the rebirth was prepared especially for her, and as you said, the ceremony had already commenced when you arrived at the cave…" Lady Tsunade's voice drifted. She swallowed. "Give me three days. Now that we have evidence of your theory, Shikaku, I can pursue the medical aspect of the rebirth and find a way to reverse it. Three days – that's all I need."

"What can I do?" Shikamaru asked. He cleared his throat and repeated this louder. "There must be a temporary solution while you're working on a cure."

"Find the specific trigger to the growth of the tattoo," she said. "If you can get it to retreat, we'll see if the design of Kana's pathways retreats from hers as well."

"Is Sai awake yet?"

"Any day now," I said. "Any day now."

Lady Tsunade chucked her medical instruments into the knapsack while mindlessly repeating instructions and word of caution to Shikamaru. We agreed to add another ANBU to monitor the forest, and the Fifth excused herself from us, saying she couldn't think properly in such an enclosed space.

While descending the staircase, I asked Neji not to speak about the Harini to the Hokage, and he concurred that was a good idea. He, too, had seen the care Lady Tsunade displayed for her apprentice, and was concerned that any more trouble would cause her to burst.

The sky was glaring a harmony of pink and orange down at us by the time we decided to leave. The meadow reflected the sky kindly, and the ambiance was so fine the three of us found it difficult to leave just yet. However, the Hokage didn't want to be here when Sakura woke up. It must have been hard enough seeing her the way she was and noticing the little inconsistencies.

As we waded the forest towards the exit, Lady Tsunade slowed to a stop. She looked back and frowned at the house.

"What is it, my lady?"

"Did you notice the way Shikamaru and Sakura shared a look while I was leading her to the other room? Like they were communicating something?" she said.

"No, I didn't."

"Sakura looked pretty uncertain." Neji re-arranged the height of his ponytail again. "Like she was asking Shikamaru something, but Shikamaru wouldn't consent. You didn't notice, Mr. Nara?"

"O-oh that! I did, of course. But we shouldn't be putting meaning into small things like that. Perhaps they're into a petty debate and uncertain to involve us just to see who's right? Don't you children do that, Neji? Or it could be that book they found that Sakura wanted to borrow."

He massaged his eyes and yawned. "I…I guess so. TenTen argues with me a lot about the theoretical advantages of her weapons over my byakugan due to its summoning fashion, but she tackles me whenever I try to settle the debate by asking Master Gai. We can hypothesize that women are just created to be difficult creatures."

Lady Tsunade hooked her arm around his neck while they walked. "And men have no sense of gratitude to the difficult creatures who gave birth to them, eh, Neji?"

"I-I-I'm sorry, Lady Hokage! I never meant to offend you!"

I stopped to look back at the house. A male and female deer stood outside the kitchen window, still peering inside. Shikamaru must have been teaching Sakura about the leaves so she could make mother's special tea. That must be what she was doing with those herbs on top of the kitchen table when I arrived.

I wondered what book it was they found.

Black toned with cerulean blue basked Konoha upon our return. My knowledge of colors amused me, and I bet Yoshino would be proud of my maturing skill at identifying the slightest glint of lime amidst the thousand lanterns in Konoha's shopping district.

Ninjas and merchants alike livened the streets with their chatters. Children chased one another between the legs of the adults, flailing and whipping their toys about.

Neji bid us goodnight with a curt bow, saying he would go to the hospital as soon as he presented himself to his mother. A young lady sporting her hair in two buns on her head walked out of a firework's shop and ran to catch up with him. The bushy browed man in green tights called on them.

"They've grown." Lady Tsunade chopped the line of her shoulders with her hand and tilted her head side to side. "And yet they always return to what they've always known."

The noise dizzied me. I felt my vest for a cigarette, and realized I had left it in our forest lodging. "You should be resting, my lady," I yelled above the babble. "We are past the phase wherein we can abuse our bodies without immediate consequence!"

"Don't preach, Shikaku!" She skimmed the signs along the road for the word 'sake'. "I know you're going back to Intelligence to go over this again! By the way, congratulations! I'm happy Shikamaru's turned out fine. I'll finish a few rounds and start with the damned research all over again!"

The Fifth was correct. I did return to Intelligence, but all I did was fetch Michio's picture from beneath the heap inside my desk drawer and order Kazuo, Isas' partner, to deliver two bowls of Ramen to Naruto and Neji inside Sai's containment area. I would have liked to accompany them, but tonight I was more inclined to go home to my wife.

Upon entering the house, I kicked my shoes off and called for her, but what greeted me instead was the scent of burning incense. Following the scent, I found Yoshino dressed in black, kneeling in the middle of our garden, her hands together, her eyes closed. Flowers lay around the vase containing the incense.

I discarded my chuunin jacket and knelt beside her to pray.

Once we were done, we watched the smoke rise.

"How old is he supposed to be?" I whispered.

"Twenty."

"Ah."

Yoshino clapped her hands. "I almost forgot! I baked a cake."

I stretched my legs with a moan. "You don't have to celebrate his birthday with me. Besides, why are you praying for his soul during his birthday while dressed in black?"

She smoothed the skirt of her kimono. "Well, I don't really know the date of his death and you don't either. In fact, he doesn't have a birthday. We just decided on a date, didn't we? I'm mourning and rejoicing at the same time. Why? Am I getting weird, Shikaku?"

I smiled. "Why are you mourning and rejoicing over a child that isn't even yours?"

"Let's see…" She sniffed the incense while in thought. "If _he_ wasn't formed, then I would no longer be married to you. If I was no longer married to you, then _our_ Shikamaru wouldn't have existed. I'm mourning because, no matter his identity, he is still a life lost to this world. He still would have been a great man, having you as his father."

"Despite his death, the marriage still depended on you."

She leaned back on her arms, staring up at the moon. She tipped her head to the side and grinned. "I'm glad I didn't leave you. I'm glad I came back."

"I'm also glad you came back, Yoshino."

"May I ask you something?"

"How can I refuse? You're praying for my dead son."

She slid to my side and took my hand, running her fingers over my gold band. "Honey, why did you sacrifice the reputation of your family for me that time? Don't tell me it's love – you only met me once before our wedding, and you didn't exactly look pleased with me."

I took a handful of her hair and pulled it over her shoulder. They were as smooth as in her youth. "We were strangers, yes, but you were my wife when it all happened. I've devoted my life to you the day we got married."

Yoshino slapped my arm. "Seriously, Shikaku. Don't try to smooth talk yourself out of this one again."

I lay on the grass and tucked one arm beneath my head. A joint popped. She entered my field of sight, blocking the moon completely. "Well?"

"I knew how it felt like to be looked down upon by your own flesh and blood," I said. "You married me to please your family – that was a beautiful sacrifice – and you didn't deserve their ridicule for the mistakes you committed afterwards. You were young and in love with someone else, and you didn't exactly look pleased with me either, Yoshino. But I understood it must have been hard. I understood, that's why I did _that_ for you."

She put her hand on my chest. "What you did…you chose me over pleasing Michio, you took the blame for my faults, and you gave me a good reason to leave you…all so I could be happy."

"You loved that Udo guy."

"You remember his name!"

I brushed her bangs away from her forehead and tucked it behind her ear. "It's kind of hard to forget the name of the man who kicked his shame aside and begged me to take you back as my wife. I told him if you didn't want to leave me, then I had no problem with you staying."

Yoshino lay on my chest and embraced me. I slipped my arms around her, and we lay under the sky, thinking of those years we should have forgotten by now. I traced the outline of her ear. "Yoshino…are you happy with me?"

She giggled, propping her head up to see me. "It's kind of difficult to be unhappy with the man who endured my faults for me, who gave me a beautiful son, and who taught me how selfless love should be. I love you, Shikaku."

I heaved myself up to kiss her lips. "I love you too, wife."

" _Husband_ ," She stroked my beard. "Do you want to make another little Shikamaru?"

"How about a girl?" I said, holding her hips. "Yukari – she who is as beautiful as a flower."

Yoshino considered, dragging up the end of my tunic from my trousers and slipping her hand beneath to rub my stomach. "Yutsuki – gentle as a red apple."

I changed our positions so I was on top. "Yutsuki – Yutsuki Nara. Yes, _perfect_."


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Fifteen**

 **Naruto**

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The monitoring machine beeped endlessly. Sometimes, I'd be tempted to smash it into pieces with my Rasengan, but then Sai would be in big trouble, and I didn't want him in trouble.

I sat on the farthest corner of the room, jerking awake every time he mumbled something in his sleep. It felt right to position myself here, not too close to him. From my vantage point, his bruises and needle pricks were not visible; hence, I could disguise his confinement as normal whenever my mind would beat anxiety into my thoughts. Shinobis, especially one of his class and mystique, spent most of their days in Konoha bed-ridden in hospitals.

We had been neighbors in recovery rooms plenty of times, and Sakura even mentioned it was nothing new.

Every shinobi was bound to get fatally injured, she had told us once, and it was important we gave ourselves enough time to heal.

I reminded myself repeatedly that Sai was simply taking his time to heal.

 _But what injury takes this long to heal?_

One of the medics, Isas, brought me a pillow and a blanket and said he would be on the other side of the division if I needed anything.

I thanked him.

Knowing another soul lay just behind that stretch of curtain eased me. This room held a gloom constantly disturbed by flashes of red and green from the tubes and machines lying about. This could be a one-man festival, only without the music and the fun. My reminiscing of festivals led me to the first time I attended one with Team Seven.

Kakashi lent us enough money to enjoy ourselves for the next five hours before we were due to head east, back to Konoha. Many failed attempts at trying to hold hands with Sakura forced me into a competition with Sasuke in a darting booth, if only to improve my her impression of me.

Beating Sasuke at anything wasn't exactly the easiest mission.

He had always been especially good with throwing a kunai, but his shots on those dartboards were more intense that night, almost as if he was aiming to murder the dead thing. I had stopped throwing darts then, partly because I lacked the money to pay for another round, and partly because I sensed desperation burning around Sasuke. It was difficult to concentrate when another boy, so near, was exhibiting the qualm I had thought only I was endowed to suffer from.

Sakura had inquired if he was okay, and all he said was, 'One day, that red dot in the middle will be Itachi's face, and this dart will be my kunai, and he'll die in my hands!'

I guess that wasn't the first event that hinted of his hunger for revenge. Sakura and I still pondered today whether we could have done something differently that would have made him stay. Stay. For the people who cared. Like me.

Neji murmured to Isas behind the division. He pushed the curtain aside to enter this half of the room, carrying two, sealed bowls of ramen on either hand. "Mr. Nara tasked an underling to buy us food. He said you love ramen."

I bounced off my chair and took one from him. "Wow! It's still hot! Is this the special? Why are you delivering it, Neji?"

"We were together most of the day. I told him I'd be here." He pulled a chair from the nurse's station and set it beside mine. "That beeping is annoying."

"Tell me about it."

"By the way," he said as he handed me the chopsticks, "Sakura Haruno seems to be doing very well in the forest, and so is Shikamaru Nara."

I stared at him, searching his face for any trace of a lie, of any indication of information purposely withheld from me, but there was none. I sighed, leaning my forehead on the cover of the steaming bowl of ramen. I took deep breathes to calm myself. My heart pounded. My head pounded.

Sakura was fine. I was not losing her.

"You like that girl, don't you?" asked Neji.

"She's not just some girl."

"For you, yes, I assume."

"Sakura's more than that," I said, watching the steam spill from the circumference of the plastic cover and rise to warm my face. "I have very few people in my life who really know me. I don't know what I'd do if I lose her too. It's like going out to battle without hands, or fighting an enemy without purpose. Life is weird like that, right? It's in other people you find a reason to do what you do."

"I understand what you mean." Neji set aside his bowl of ramen and leaned back on his chair. "When father was executed…I started doing everything out of anger instead, and I was angry at Hinata for having her father while I had none. But losses are inevitable, Naruto. When you lose the person who first gave you purpose, you have to move on and find another one. It is a sad existence to live out of anger."

"That's why I'm searching for Sasuke…so he can find his purpose," I said. "But now I have to save Sakura, so I can preserve mine."

We sat still for a while, quiet, watching Sai on the bed.

"Why are you looking after Sai?" Neji said.

"I asked Mr. Nara where his family is, but he couldn't give me an answer. I was sent to the hospital a lot as a child, and it was always sad waking up without a person crying or getting angry at you for hurting yourself. I guess I don't want people feeling the way I did. He's been asleep for too long. A familiar face will be some sort of assurance. Why are _you_ here?"

"Ah, well, I'm supposed to be attending to him until a Hyuuga medic is assigned."

"Oh."

"Shikamaru is very fortunate."

I frowned as I fiddled with the chip on the chopsticks. "Yeah, I know. I heard he sleeps in the same room as Sakura."

"I mean for having Mr. Nara for a father." He arched his eyebrow. "I'm starting to think you're a pervert, really."

"Whoa, no way! Haven't you ever liked a girl in your life?"

"That would be pointless."

"You're boring. It's normal!"

"I will be promised to someone when I come of age," he explained. "Falling in love now will only prove bothersome in the future."

"Promised? Like engaged or something? Really? To whom?"

"I don't know yet, but most probably, it would be to a cousin."

I paused to consider this. "Like Hinata?"

"You are disgusting, Naruto." He brought his left leg up and put his ankle on his right knee and put his bowl of ramen on top. "Hinata is a first cousin. That would be incest."

"Oh, I see!" I laughed, realizing how ridiculous that notion was. "Shikamaru is lucky to have Mr. Nara for a dad. He's super intelligent and he looks scary and cool at the same time!"

"He was scolding Shikamaru earlier. Yes, he sounded scary for the most part…but you're right. Mr. Nara _is_ cool." Neji removed the cover of the bowl. The fragrance of freshly cooked beef produced a sense of normalcy in the room.

We ate our ramen.

I wished I was at least there to hear what a scolding of a real father sounded like.

Dinner passed, and our conversation drifted to pointless ramblings about Neji's latest mission with Rock Lee and Kiba. He claimed to loathing dogs for the rest of his life, especially after Akamaru dragged them off to eight different locations that only drew them farther from their target. I asked whether he forgot he possessed the byakugan, to which he retorted that their target was some kind of medical genius and spit a needle at his temple, paralyzing the chakra flow to his eyes for thirty minutes. He was checked before examining Sai, so all his measurements were still accurate.

I asked what kind of genius it was in the first place who could outrun the four of them combined. The thought of Sasuke finding a way to get back to Konoha occurred to me, but Neji butchered this thought by saying it was a rogue ninja lurking around the territory of the Fire Country who was wanted for fifteen murders.

'Nameless' as Neji described him.

Drowsiness engulfed me before I was ready to enter the world of sleep. I hated ending the day tolerating the thought that Sasuke could be on a killing spree. But I couldn't help it. My next fear was not being able to stop him in time to offer any form of salvation.

If there was none, I would spend my lifetime making one, no matter the cost.

Yeah, that would be a nice present for Sakura once she was back to herself.

A Kunai stabbed my cheek. "Wake up, Naruto. Wake up."

Rolling on my stomach, I slapped it away and shut my eyes. The floor was so cold, I wanted to melt and become part of it. The intelligent part of my brain rationalized the possibility of being caught up in battle at this hour in the morning. What kind of stupid enemy would stab me on the cheek? If I were him, I'd go for the heart for a sure kill.

"Why is he on the floor?" I heard grandma say, the clicking of her heels resounding in the room. "Neji, you slept on a chair? Didn't you know there's a couch? You just had to ask for it."

I coiled up, butt first, and pressed my heels on the floor to heave myself up. The kunai morphed into a gloved finger, and my eyes traced it up to a person I recognized as Kakashi. "What day is it?" I moaned. "My sleep felt like eternity. What happened? Are we fighting someone? Where is that damn bastard-!"

"We're not in battle, Naruto, but obviously your brain is." Kakashi's visible eye creased. There was a sorry smile behind that mask. Man, how tempting it was to see how ugly his teeth were that he resorted to hiding his face for all of eternity.

Neji stretched his arms overhead, yawning. "Fifth, you're all here so early."

Kakashi hauled me to my feet. "It's ten in the morning. Both of you have to leave intensive care for a while. We'll call you back in later."

"Why?"

"Sai is bound to wake up soon." Lady Tsunade pressed some buttons on the super-annoying-beeping-monster-machine. "We have to proceed with the standard procedure and make sure he recognizes everyone he knew before the mission."

"Why do you need him?" I pointed at Kakashi, who was supporting my weight like he was holding one of his Icha Icha books.

"He's a former ANBU; there are things only they know." Mr. Nara slipped through the divisions carrying a folder and some writing pads. "All right, both of you get out now. Get some proper sleep elsewhere, sons."

"Yes, Mr. Nara," Neji and I said in unison.

Last night's conversation with Neji attacked my consciousness. Passing by Mr. Nara while rubbing my swollen cheek, I sniffed that elderly shinobi scent on him that was a harmony of withered leaves and iron. I pictured Shikamaru with us, saying 'dad' instead of 'Mr. Nara'.

He really was fortunate.

Neji and I waited outside, chatting and napping in-between. Our heads were perched on the windowsill, allowing the morning breeze to cool our nausea. Outside, children argued about who was the 'It. I found it hilarious that they still liked playing hide-and-seek even to this day. It seemed so long ago when I was begging the younger batch in the Academy to let me chase them. I could be the It for as long as they wanted; I just wished to play with someone other than myself.

Leaves swirled into the corridor. A dozen fell around our feet. Green and yellow contrasted the white linoleum.

"They're taking long…" I muttered, twirling a jagged leaf by what stem it had remaining.

Neji did the same. "Naruto…if I tell you, will you promise not to tell anybody? Will you promise to be calm?"

I sat up straight. The leaf fell from my fingers. "Yeah, of course."

Those stark eyes rolled to my direction, but I couldn't say if they were looking at me. "Something's happening to Sai. It's not good."

"…How can you say that? Did you see anything in him?"

"His chakra levels are abnormal and for no physical reason, Naruto." He eased his back on the wall, folding his arms over his chest. "I just wanted to warn you…so you aren't caught by surprise if anything drastic happens to him. Losses are inevitable."

"Are you saying he's going to die?"

"Death isn't always physical," he said. "If Sai's abnormality continues, he may die, but as a vessel to Ryo."

I jumped to my feet, shaking, wanting to punch him. "How can he be a vessel to Ryo? The Hokage-"

"She doesn't know." He, too, stood to loom over me. "Naruto, I memorized Ryo's pathways in the laboratory. I compared it to Shikamaru's and he was not a match. Last night…while you were asleep…I compared it with Sai's."

"Well?"

"The pathways on his feet…they matched Ryo's."

I couldn't breathe. I sat down.

"You promised to be calm," he said."I will be called in a little later, and I will tell them. I know how much he means to you, and that you're always told last. Now that you learned about it first, be responsible enough to handle it. Take your time to think of what to do for Sai while, and if, he's still himself in there. Think carefully of what you'll do in case he's all ready changed…if he's all ready Ryo. You're a much stronger person than they are treating you, that's why I thought it important to let you know at once so you can prove to them otherwise. Naruto?"

"Thank you, Neji." My jaws ached badly. I stopped gritting my teeth and turned to walk away, but I turned again to face him before my pride could protest. "Neji, can you explain that to me again? The whole thing…I want to understand what's really happening."

He motioned for me to sit down, and he explained the technicalities in simple terms for my sake. He talked about a jutsu design, and of a medical breakthrough that even grandma didn't expect. There were things I had never heard of in my life, and I wished I had cared enough to study, so I was not left behind like Neji said I was.

He was called in like he said he would be.

He told grandma what he told me about Sai, like he said he would.

When the door of the intensive care unit swung open, I stood and expected them to tell me Sai was gone, at least, spiritually, or mentally, or emotionally. That whatever was inside his soul that molded who he was had vanished. That Sai was replaced by a crazy man obsessed with forbidden jutsus.

Grandma stepped out and found me. She tipped her head to the direction of the door. "Get inside."

I blinked at her several times, willing myself back to reality. "Is Sai…?"

Neji poked his head out, half-smiling. "Naruto, we need you here."

I marched inside, passing grandma without a glance. Kakashi was laughing on the other side of the division. Mr. Nara waved me in. Neji said, "I'm sorry for scaring you, Naruto."

I stopped in front of the divider. Their silhouettes on the stretch of cloth shook me. There was Sai, hunkered as he sat in the middle of the bed. Kakashi's hair was a wave of spikes, and the curves of his Icha Icha book on his hands added to my relief. Mr. Nara moved around with his folder closed.

"You mean…" I lowered my voice even more. "He's not transformed into Ryo?"

"No, not completely," Neji said. "Not yet. We can still stop it. Good thing is, Sai's still himself."

I soldiered on and went behind the divider. The three men fell silent.

I found Sai immediately, and my mind ensued into assessing his physical state. His hair was the most disheveled I had ever seen them, and yet they weren't at all messy. Sakura and I had spent time squabbling about a secret jutsu Sai learned from being part of ANBU that allowed him to fix his hair within seconds. It had come to our attention that most ANBU were exceptionally neat. Of course, this observation supported the fact that they only had the back of their heads to account for their individuality, so they had to at least mind what little people saw of them.

Sai couldn't use his chakra now, hence his appearance. I would love to tell that to Sakura soon.

His complexion blended with his hospital gown, only his skin was streaked by blue and green nerves. Yet he smiled at me very much the same way he used to. "Oh, it's Naruto," he croaked, his voice rough. "Your cheek is swollen. Did Sakura slap you again?"

Kakashi laughed some more. "It's a little simpler than that."

Mr. Nara urged Neji to rest in one of the bunks, and I thanked him quietly before he left.

"Wait," I reached forward to stop Mr. Nara from crossing the division, but when he turned to face me, waiting, I folded it back and scratched my head. "Thanks for the ramen last night! They were delicious."

He smiled and yawned. "You're welcome, son."

I grinned at his departing figure, suppressing the laughter of pride that bubbled in my throat after being addressed as such.

" _Son_ ," Kakashi growled behind my ear.

I jumped back with a yelp and cursed him. "You're despicable, Kakashi!"

"I treat you to ramen but you never show that kind of gratitude to me."

"You're still wondering why, eh? It's because you promise to treat us, but when the food is gone, you'll suddenly vanish in a cloud of smoke!"

Sai balled his hand and coughed in-between chuckles. "I remember that. Sakura was the only one carrying money that time, and she beat Naruto and I for wasting her money on food."

He remembered. I found the chair I had sat on last night and brought out a yellow bag from beneath it. "I…I brought you painting materials," I said. "Can you use your hands?"

"Of course, Naruto."

"Kakashi," I said and sucked in a breath. "Does he know about Sakura?"

Sai answered, "Yes. The Hokage told me. It is unfortunate, isn't it? Shikamaru and I tried our best, Naruto. I hope this can be fixed."

"Don't be silly! Of course it can be fixed! We've got the smartest people working on this case!"

Sai's expression remained blank. He curled his fingers on his lap, inch by inch, but his thumb jerked upright in disobedience. He tried again, only to get the same result. "My body feels a little old, but I remember things clearly. It's like it happened only moments ago. And then I'm here, awake after three weeks."

"Forget about it, Sai," I cheered. "What's important is you get better."

"I'm worried for Shikamaru, though." He unzipped the bag and peered inside.

Kakashi leaned against the wall, his arms and ankles crossed. "Why is that?"

"You said he's not supposed to be upsetting her, right? I wonder if you should have left him alone with her in that house."

I gripped the footboard of his bed. "Shikamaru's doing well – Neji said so. Besides…the last I saw Sakura, she was happy just hearing his voice…"

Sai analyzed the incline of his paintbrush's tip. "I hope."

"Do you have reason to doubt Shikamaru, Sai?"

"It's just my opinion, sir."

"Let's hear them, shall we?"

"Yeah, Sai," I said. "We have to make sure Sakura is not put in jeopardy. I'm not saying Shikamaru will hurt her but…what is it you're so worked up about?"

"Now that I think about it…" He paused to sniff the tube of yellow ochre. "Shikamaru and Sakura had an argument before Sakura left to rescue Kana and she fell for her trap. I might be over-thinking her welfare, that's all. Shikamaru is a rational person, but he's still human. He says the wrong things sometimes…it's normal to have a temper."

Kakashi stood beside me. "Oh, _that_ argument."

I looked back and fro him and Sai."You're keeping me in the dark. They had an argument? During the mission? What's that got to do with now?"

Sai lowered himself to his pillow, groaning. "As I said, I'm just over-thinking Sakura's welfare. When Shikamaru told her that she couldn't save Kana and Ryo just like she couldn't save Sasuke, I'm sure he only meant to stop her."

It was my heart that stopped. " _Shikamaru said what_?"


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Sixteen**

 **Shikamaru**

The grass on the meadow had grown mid-waist. Sitting down, I was as good as hidden. I wasn't quite certain why I chose to do this out in the open; maybe the house was reverting back to the cage it used to be when Michio was still alive, or maybe loitering in the living room constantly reminded me of my squabble with Shikaku yesterday, who, in fact, was transforming into Michio the older he became.

I lay on the ground and stretched, choosing instead to enjoy the solitude of dawn while it was available.

The purple of the sky streaked with white clouds made the forest feel like twilight, although its difference from dawn only lay within the next couple of minutes, whether the sun would rise or sink. I enjoyed these moments, when you were not aware of your position in time, and you had to wait to see if the day was ending or only just beginning.

I reached up and clutched the air, the moisture on my skin crafting an illusion that they were dipped underwater.

Funny. This was exactly how I remembered it as a child.

The wind whistled as it descended from the north. My hair swayed side-to-side with the crowd of grass, and with the aid of nature's murmurs, I became one of them. I let the invisible force of this cosmic creature move me around. Man, how badly I wished I was just one of these grass. My only problem would come during drought, or when weeds would steal my share of nutrients.

I was taken care of even to that extent if I grew on Ino's garden instead; she would water me on hot days.

Sakura walked towards me. Her yellow dress blew up, but she pressed it down before it climbed higher than mid-thigh. She plopped on the bed of grass, blushing. I shrugged, pretending to have seen nothing, and took the basket from her. "Hey, just a thought: does Ino like grass?"

She pouted, putting her forefinger on her chin. "Do pigs eat grass?"

"Ino's not a pig; she's actually getting too thin for my liking."

" _Oh_!" Sakura brought out a sliver canteen and two paper cups, all the while feigning a smirk. "For your _liking_?"

"I-I said for my sound mind!" I waved my hand to dismiss the subject and hit a bee. Picking up the canteen, I squashed it before it could sting me. "For my sound mind," I repeated. "It's not healthy, what she does to herself. If she suddenly faints while we're on a mission, who do you think will have to carry her back to Konoha?"

Sakura munched on a sandwich. She squinted at me. "Why are you suddenly interested if Ino likes grass?"

The bee splattered a liquid beneath the canteen that I could only presume was its blood. I grazed it off with tissue. "Grass. Let's see...I don't remember her growing them in her garden. People like different grass on their lawns nowadays. I thought she might make it one of her shop's assets, you know. Breeding grass would be a first in Konoha."

She swallowed the contents of her mouth and nodded. "That's actually a good idea. You should tell her. Speaking of which, does no one bother to trim all these?"

"You can do the honor."

"The deer might attack me."

I cringed. "Yeah, if you look that frustrated all the time, they will attack you with their antlers. Care to relax? It's not even six in the morning yet."

She sighed, and her back arched slightly. Breadcrumbs clung to her bottom lip, and I almost brushed it off with a swipe of my thumb, but decided against such intimate contact.

"Neji said your pathways are narrowing." She offered me a chicken sandwich with sliced cheese dangling from opposite corners. She hoisted it up to my mouth. "The last man I did surgery on with Lady Tsunade had to have his right arm amputated so the damage to the walls of his pathways would not reach further into his chest cavity."

"You…you think you have to amputate me?" I bit a mouthful for her satisfaction and licked the drop of ketchup off my middle finger. "Neji also said it's normal. If in the next two weeks, my pathways don't recover, _then_ worry about having to amputate me."

Sakura scooted closer and rubbed the length of my right arm, grinning. "Rest assured, I won't let any part of you get amputated, but if it is inevitable, I'll make sure to keep your limb on ice until I find a way to restore it back to your body."

"Gee, Sakura…" I saw a triangular flock of birds fly north. One of them skidded down and disappeared among the grass. I wondered if it was dead. "That's…comforting?"

"I mean it!" she she. "Whole and normal, you're as lazy as a cripple; what more when you have an excuse not to move your cute butt off the couch? I don't want to serve you all your life, you know. If I make enough money with the case study I'm currently working on, then I can hire you a servant." Her eyes glimmered, her neck jerked. "Wait. That's a great idea! If your arm gets amputated – or any part of you – I can use it as an opportunity to take human regeneration to another level!"

"Wait, wait wait," I shifted on the ground so I was facing her. I stretched my arms to grip both her shoulders. "Sakura, I'm your husband, not your toy. You're not going to turn me into your guinea pig, are we clear?"

She reached for my shoulders as well. "Shikamaru, the wise sayings of our forefathers always advised us to find the light in the darkness of adversity. By chance that I have to amputate you, what other use are you as a ninja if you can't form hand seals? So you'll be an instructor in the Academy or a tactician under a branch of Konoha's government or start your own Shogi Dojo, but they all have working hours. Come five o'clock, you'll be going home and sleeping until the next dawn. What if you can come to the labs with me instead and be of better use to your lovely and ever-caring wife? Once we work our way to a breakthrough in the field of human regeneration, we'll have made our name and contributed to the human race before we reach thirty! You and I – together."

I blinked to see if the perfect reflection of the orange light on her eyes were real. Wow, it was like the sun was supporting her manic cause. "Sakura," I hissed, "I'm not getting anything amputated. That said, the rest of your fantasies about my becoming an instructor or a tactician or master of that Shogi Dojo – which I am considering – will never happen. I'm so sorry for disappointing you, but I'm keeping my arm."

She dropped her arms, and her shoulders slumped. "What about my _dreams_?"

I found the stethoscope inside the basket and inserted the earpieces in her ears. "I'm a ninja. I can always injure as many innocent civilians for your research. Will that suffice for your _dreams_?"

"Good," she cooed. "With your intelligence, you can go ahead with crime without getting caught."

I smirked, admiring the authenticity of her bliss. "You aren't serious about this, are you?"

She ducked her head, her eyes wide as they stared at me, and her voice hushed. " _We weren't serious_?"

I chuckled while undoing the buttons of my tunic. My anxiety lessened, and the tension in my head wilted. I may just be having fun with her. "After this," I said, shrugging off my left sleeve, "I'll support that case study of yours."

She smiled, a rubber band stuck between her front teeth as she combed her hair back. I took it from her mouth so she could respond.

"No, I'm really serious about this, Shikamaru." She retrieved her ponytail and tied her hair in a chignon.

"It only makes sense; Lady Tsunade is your master. For you to finish what she started in the field of regeneration would justify your apprenticeship,' I said. "No one expects anything less from you. Although, honestly, I really didn't expect you to be so…passionate, especially when we were kids."

She pressed the head of the stethoscope on my chest, moving it up and down. "It's not about being Lady Tsunade's apprentice, you know. I feel like this has lasted longer – this infatuation for a breakthrough in the human body's ability to recover from the ultimate stress. We're built to cope; you body is designed to survive, but at some point I decided it wasn't enough, so I wanted to take it one step further. We can summon shadow clones, so why can't we summon back a missing limb? At first, of course, it would take a lot of drugs and technology and time, but in fifty years or so, we can just form a hand seal and voila! Your pinky is back!"

As I watched her speak, I, myself, wondered about how I underestimated people based on their performance – based solely on what I could see. There was so much behind the physical, untapped and unspoken of, that I hadn't thought worthy of appreciation. Yet here she was, with this idea…I flicked my eyes to her hand, which reached back to scratch the base of her spine.

"Itchy?" I said.

"Grass poking at me." She stood and transferred behind me, tugging part of my tunic off. The cold, metal circumference of the stethoscope nipped my skin. "What do you think, Shikamaru?"

 _I think there's something wrong here._

I uprooted a handful of weeds. "You're aiming at immortality, you know?"

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are." I swung my arm upwards, dodging her head, and leaned back so I was looking at her. "Immortality; not subject to death."

She shut her mouth, solemn, and then opened it again to say, "Perfect regeneration – not immortality."

"Perfect regeneration; the perfect jutsu to cheat death with just five hand seal formations."

"It's not the same." Sakura removed the earpieces of the stethoscope and pitched it on her lap. "To be able to regenerate even your thumb while in battle can save lives! One finger, returned to its normal shape and size, enables a shinobi to act accordingly!"

"I'm not a medic, but I'm certain we aren't made that way."

"Lady Tsunade has been regenerating half her life."

"And she's going to pay for it in the next half," I said. "Regeneration is okay to a degree, but striving for perfection is like running the race for mental instability – obsession. I'm not letting you follow the steps of Orochimaru."

"Orochimaru?" Sakura guffawed. "You're comparing me to that disgusting man?"

"Stop." I touched her cheek, urging her to see the gravity in my gaze. When she wouldn't, I tilted my head to overlay whatever it was on the ground she was focusing on. "Passion can morph into obsession, and obsession justifies crime. I'm not saying you'll turn out to be Orochimaru, but you can't deny that some kin of 'perfect regeneration' was what pushed him to pursue the very idea of rebirth. Think about it, Sakura: after realizing the human body cannot meet his expectations, he concedes instead to the idea that perhaps the soul is another entity more capable of the impossible. It can transfer to a vessel, given that the vessel…" My elbow jerked, and I was sitting straight, numbed by the idea. My fingers recoiled from Sakura's cheek.

The obvious conceived into my consciousness at last, and I knew what was wrong.

"Please be honest with me," I whispered. "Have you been tolerating the thought of rebirth?"

She loosened her chignon and her hair cascaded over her face. "No."

"Sakura, I'll ask you again,"

"Yes!" she yapped. "Yes, I have, and I know I'm wrong and I'm sorry! Let me explain."

I held my breath and swallowed it. My lungs needed as much oxygen as possible today. "Go ahead and explain."

"I was a kid and I knew it was the reason I was losing Sasuke to Orochimaru…" Sakura cleared her throat. Sakura pulled up the strap of her dress. Sakura wouldn't look at me. "It was a passing idea, but it stopped altogether once I took apprenticeship under the Hokage. It was that, maybe, if I knew how to perform a rebirth, I could find a way to reverse it. Worse comes to worse, if Orochimaru successfully rebirths in Sasuke, perhaps I can find a way to…to push him out! It was just a thought, I swear, but then after the mission, especially after we were put here, I've been having dreams of a design – a manuscript of seals that borders on regeneration. I thought about Sasuke and that stupid idea I had as a kid, and suddenly an answer appears in my head like it's all possible! If-if I can just get my hands around the whole picture of the design, then I can find a way to cure the rebirth."

Slipping my sleeves back on, I buttoned my tunic down. "What design are you talking about?"

"It's stupid…" She undid one of the buttons of my tunic. "Take it off; I'm supposed to be doing a check-up on you. Concentrate you chakra on your left arm first, enough so I can feel it emanate from your skin. Go on, you're tempting me to strip you."

Neji said half her network of pathways have morphed to match Kana's. The base of her spine was already affected, explaining why Kana's reasoning was spilling out of Sakura's mouth. The whole idea of regeneration was dawning on her. The longer the team back in Konoha took in finding a cure, the bigger the chance that Kana would finish her rebirth.

Her intellect, I could manage, but once she mimicked Kana's emotional appetite, I could be found out.

Sakura pushed her body upwards and leaned forward, pinching the next button. "Your silence means yes."

I seized her wrist and craned my neck to distance my face from hers. The urge to tell her to suppress the idea of rebirth made me tremble, but I had to avoid upsetting her at all cost. Besides, this could be an opportunity to estimate how much Kana had managed to eat her.

I brushed her knuckles with my thumb so as not to give her the idea that I was rejecting her. "Tell me when you have those dreams. I'll listen – just so you can get it out of your head. I don't want you…becoming into this other person."

She looked back and fro my eyes. "I won't act upon any of those crazy ideas of perfect regeneration anymore. I'm sorry. You're right; if I research on it, I have to contain it in the most proper degree of advantage and not allow it to grow any further."

Her breath smelled of peppermint. I worked up a half-smile.

"I mean," she murmured, kissing my nose, "What's the use? You're all ready here. Orochimaru won't get his hands on you again – I won't let him."

I released her and scooted back, undoing the buttons and freeing my arm again. "Let's see if I can produce that much chakra yet. I don't want you amputating me three weeks from now."

There was no use correcting her of my identity; I didn't want to upset her, now, did I?

She kissed the space between my brows and sat down on her heels to prepare her materials.

I stretched my arm forward, spread my fingers, and closed my eyes to concentrate. A warm stream of gaseous concentration inched from my shoulder to my elbow, decreasing in pace as it reached my wrist. I winced, lowering my head so as not to let Sakura see my expression.

I felt her press her finger on the inside of my wrist. "Your pulse-rate is increasing. Inhale."

I inhaled. The chakra retreated.

"Exhale."

I exhaled. The chakra advanced, successfully penetrating the tubes of pathways leading to my knuckles.

"Pulse-rate is normal." Sakura let go. I heard her pen scrape against her tablet. "Can you concentrate them on your fingertips?"

Holding my elbow upright, I breathed out and imagined the chakra flowing to my fingertips. Asuma reminded me enough times never to underestimate the power of imagination. It was imagination with the help of chakra that gave birth to genjutsu. I bet that formula came from Kurenai. He loved quoting Kurenai.

Sakura pressed our fingertips together, slowly lowering her palm onto mine. "It's there." She smiled, nodding in approval. "I can feel it. Your chakra is fine. Now sustain it for as long as you can."

I shielded my eyes with my other hand and peeked at the sky. "Sun's up."

"Don't let your favorite companion distract you," she warned.

I returned my gaze on my hand. A glimmer made me blink away. I looked again and saw it was my wedding ring's fault. Through the gap between our fingers, Sakura's face was glorious basked in the morning sun.

The light revealed the true paleness of the pink of her hair and the green of her eyes, yet she was a visible gist at the center of this meadow. I considered being a bird instead so I could fly above us right now to see what we looked like, hidden behind all these grass, our hands together.

I stifled a chuckle. I wondered who it was – Sakura or Kana – who thought I had a cute butt. It wasn't even a logical description for a body part that remained hidden beneath layers of clothing. Wait. She did see part of my butt _that_ time.

Sakura jotted something down on her tablet again. Numbers, I saw.

"Ouch." I flinched. "Something twitched just below my elbow."

"You can stop now." She massaged the area that hurt. "I know a little acupressure. This will help relieve your arm of stress during our exercises."

"It's a very ugly coincidence that my pathways are the ones always victimized by the enemy."

She wrenched my arm forward and a cracking sound made me gawk. "Relax," she quipped. "I didn't break you. Actually, if you think about it, targeting pathways are very smart. Next time, you would do to analyze if that is exactly what the enemy was aiming at."

"Aiming at…" I stopped to consider this.

Shikaku never scolded me in front of Choji, so why should he scold me in front of Neji? He was mad, yes, but it had long been his principle to keep family matters private.

He was redirecting my attention.

While Shikaku was cooking my shame, making me feel like the world's best slacker, Neji was already comparing my pathways to that of Ryo's. They wouldn't tell me simply because he was still afraid any rebirth directed at me was only delayed.

Nobody, not even the Fifth if she wanted to, could perform rebirth at that speed. Was it possible that Ryo, as he was dying, attempted a rebirth while I was in the pond, rescuing Sakura? That would be easy, seeing as I was within the field of the actual seal.

I put my fists behind me, not wanting to see the scars where I cut myself to write the blood seal around the pond. Daylight was funny that way, enabling the naked eye to catch the flaws of our bodies that our minds would never acknowledge.

I was still bleeding when I entered the pond. But if Shikaku discovered I was turning into Ryo, he wouldn't have spared me that truth. He would have told me and held me responsible enough to handle it.

Would he? Would dad do that?

Sakura laid her head on my lap and she munched on a chicken sandwich. "It's a good day, Shikamaru, isn't it?"


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Seventeen**

 **Kakashi**

We were a small team composed of small people compared to those who could be working on this case had the Fifth decided not to keep this discreet. Shikaku and Inoichi discussed it privately in Room 5C of Intelligence enough times for me to grasp the totality of the Hokage's predicament. Those two seniors spoke openly in my presence, knowing me enough to have already concluded the quantity of aid we were getting to the rescue of this case would not suffice.

After a nap in front of the stone memorial at dawn, I headed straight to Intelligence, as had been my routine for the past week, and caught Inoichi encouraging Shikaku to talk this matter through with Lady Tsunade.

"Once the elders find out – especially Danzo, of all people – you know this will only get us in trouble," he said, stopping his work to gauge Shikaku's solemn frown. "Especially your son. Punishments are due."

Shikaku stretched on his chair, bringing up his arms behind his head. "I tried yesterday. Poor Neji received most of her temper. I want to, Inoichi, I really do want to open this case to the brass, but until the Hokage says so, we are not allowed to take any step towards that direction."

"She's risking Sakura and Sai with the way she's dictating this case to be handled," I interjected, which shut up the two men. I debated whether it was because I had finally commented on the matter, or because the final volume of the Icha Icha series was lifted high up in my hand. I tucked it in the lower left pocket of my chuunin vest, then. Being caught by my lowerclassmen didn't shame me, but I wouldn't want my seniors to think this was all I did aside from dismembering enemies on the field, despite it being the truth, andI didn't want to hurt my reputation with the truth.

"I forgot," Inoichi said. "Sakura was your student."

"With all emotional ties aside…"

"That's the Hokage's problem." Shikaku scratched the scars on his face and signed the last of his paperwork. He tossed it to his assistant, Chiharu, and added, "This has gotten too personal to her."

It was natural, her special care and attention for Sakura's welfare, but the very commencement of the meeting in Lab five some hours later proved how far she was willing to go to keep her apprentice from coming into light of politics.

Although, later that afternoon, as I settled beside them on the semi-circle desk facing a block of glass dirtied with illustrations of the human anatomical systems, I still couldn't shake off Shikaku's remark about this getting too personal to Lady Tsunade.

First of all, it was Shikamaru who would be castigated for the incident. Sakura and Sai would answer to whatever misdoings the elders could point out in the execution of the mission, but it would be lesser compared to Shikamaru's, since those two were already paying the price.

Secondly, Sakura was only the Fifth's student, not her own flesh and blood. Her attachment to a girl who could have been her daughter's age had she tolerated the thought of owning a child beforehand was justified, but for her to risk us all in the name of that bond was daft and improvident.

I eyed her as she entered the meeting room and contemplated upon her declining physique. Shizune assured me that the rest of her duties were well taken care of, and she was not fully neglecting Konoha in the stead of this case. Nothing so troublesome had arisen, and the rest of the Hokage's team was capable of handling the small jobs.

That would mean the line around her mouth was surfaced only by our conundrum with Kana's rebirth.

Ino slipped into the room unnoticed and shrugged off her lab coat. Shizune pointed at the stack of folders on the other end of the curved desk. Ino dashed to it, hugged it against her chest, and distributed it to the people present.

The people present were another matter.

From the right end of the desk was Inoichi, followed by Shikaku and then me; we made up the team focusing on the design of the seal Ryo used to perform the rebirth ceremony. Next to me, struggling with the figure of the table so that he could not decide where to prop his elbows, was Hyuuga Neji. Shikaku's pitied comment regarding him made sense now, what with how bluish-sacs of skin bloated beneath his eyes.

"Here you go." Ino slid the folder towards me. I motioned to the goggles around her neck, and she thanked me for pointing it out. She stretched the garter and slipped it over her head.

Once finished with the distribution of the folders, she rounded the desk again and sat one chair away from Neji, beside Shizune, forming the team specializing on the medical aspect of the case.

Lady Tsunade snapped her head towards the wall at the back of the room, at the clock, and then at the door. "Where is she?"

Shizune glanced at the door as well, scowling. "Any minute. She was here all night, reviewing our findings on Kana and Ryo's bodies."

The clangor of the metal knob turned all the heads to the corner of the room where the door was swinging inwards. Anko stepped in, brushing her hair back with a wry grin. "I'm sorry for my tardiness. I was looking for something that could help, but I figured I must have lost it."

Neji stood and pulled out the chair beside him.

"There." Lady Tsunade prodded her chin forward, indicating the empty seat.

Anko met my eye on her way to her place beside Neji.

Slowly, I rolled my eye to Shikaku. His attention was fixed on the Hokage. The way his jaws were set made me lean forward, expectant of a revelation.

Now this was interesting. Of all the people the Hokage, who was so intent on issuing as little aid as possible in this case, could have chosen, it had to be Anko.

Something was very wrong indeed.

Lady Tsunade scanned the faces around the desk and put her hands on her hips. "To begin, I would like to thank you all for agreeing to convene today to address this extremely urgent matter. I have a good news and a bad news: the bad news is that Sai is also experiencing the rebirth, while the good news is, we found out how the rebirth works."

Judging by Shizune's gape, she, too, hadn't known this fact.

The silence urged the Hokage to elaborate. "Shikaku, Neji, and I visited Shikamaru and Sakura in the Nara forest yesterday. Shikamaru is recovering, and we expect him to be fully recovered in a span of one month. Sakura, however, has been mimicking Kana's pathways-"

"Mimicking pathways?" Ino echoed. She opened and closed her mouth as she glimpsed our reactions, estimating our shock in comparison to hers. "How is that possible?"

The Fifth frowned, one eyebrow dipping lower than the other. "If you let me finish, you'll know."

"I'm sorry, ma'am."

"Shikaku came up with the theory that the rebirth was aiming to suit the vessel to the soul," she explained. "By re-arranging a person's pathways, the suspects – in our case, Kana and Ryo – are able to be fully reborn into another person, the only difference is that their skin, their muscles, their bones, and their organs, are much younger. Their intellect, memories, and even temperament could be successfully transferred. Worse comes to worse, the vessels – Sakura and Sai – could physically morph into Kana and Ryo in terms of hair color, eye color, skin color, moles, scars, and anything that is found on the surface."

Shizune swung her chair to face Neji. "You've checked Sai's pathways? He's mimicking Ryo's? I thought the only intended victim here was Sakura?"

"Supposedly," answered Shikaku. "But we hypothesized that Ryo would not have given up so easily – may it be because of his love for Kana or because he was not willing to die just yet – that as he was battling Sai, he managed to assault him with another rebirth technique. It would have been a seventy to a hundred and one percent chance of failure, but the minority won. Ryo is being reborn in Sai and we have to work on stopping it, if we cannot change it."

"The pond – the water element, to be precise – has a very big part to play in the rebirth, but we have yet to figure how," added the Fifth.

I crossed my legs and set my elbows on my knee. I cupped my chin. "Come to think of it, when we found Sai, his upper body was leaning over Ryo's back, while his feet were dipped into the water."

Neji's face came to life. "That would explain why the morphing of his pathways started from his toes."

"Has it advanced?"

"It's climbing to his knees, yes."

Anko was fairly quiet when she should be making this her center-stage. Pressing my spine against the backrest, I glimpsed her through the corner of my eye.

That look was ever so familiar. She was distant and present at the same time, and soon those two ends would converge. I could hear the murmurs in her head – the nightmares she never confessed to me except on the eve of her birthday three years ago, when she was asking why, of all children, Orochimaru chose _her_. That question was absent in her gaze.

This woman I saw was an assured person, even willing to be generous with the details of her nightmares.

It could be that Lady Tsunade ordered her to take part in this case, but she wanted to be here on her own free will.

The Fifth bit the cap off a white marker and proceeded to sketch on the block of glass. "To support Shikaku's theory, I researched on how this could be possible. First: the water. Our blood consists of a liquid and a cellular part. The latter includes the red and white blood cells and platelets. Let's focus on the former, shall we? The liquid part of our blood can also be called plasma. It contributes the fifty-five percent of the total volume of our blood. The plasma is ninety percent water and ten percent dissolved substances such as food, waste products, and antibodies. Ask yourselves why a rebirth had to occur with the aid of a pond surrounded by the ceremonial script."

"The rebirth directly targets the elements in the body of the same type; in our case, the plasma," Shizune nodded, understanding.

Ino jotted this down.

Anko stared ahead, still quiet.

Lady Tsunade moved to the sketch of the human circulatory system, drawing broken lines on what I could presume were the capillaries. "Recall that during blood circulation, exchanges of nutrients and wastes and the gases, oxygen and carbon dioxide, takes place in the capillaries to spaces between body cells."

"Much of this fluid is plasma. When absorbed by the lymph vessels, this fluid is called lymph. Lymph from the lower half of the body moves only towards the thoracic duct - " she traced an invisible line with her finger that runs from between her distracting breasts and down to her diaphragm. " - here, which explains why the lower half of the body was the first to be affected by the rebirth."

Neji swiped his brow with the side of his forefinger, obviously dizzy with the outpouring of technicalities. "What are their immune systems doing to cope with this?"

"Oh, rest assured, Sai's body is fighting it." She sniggered. "You saw him yourself, Neji. His episodic seizures are symptoms that his body is battling the rebirth in any way it could."

"But Sakura isn't fighting it, is she?" I said, which killed the composure on her face. She regained it by pressing her lips together and shaking her head. She said, "The ceremony was prepared especially for her. As of now, we're only capable of addressing the matter with Sai."

"You mean if we find out how he's combating the rebirth, then we can use the same on Sakura?" Ino's voice was so hopeful.

This experience would do these children good. These incidents were inescapable. We had to fight as best we could and hope for a victory. If a loss arrived, we had no choice but to keep on fighting.

Rin and I were doing the best we could, Obito.

"Hopefully," Lady Tsunade muttered. "But it won't be exactly the same since the pond and the script of the seal itself was intended for her. The very reason her body is not fighting the rebirth may be our most daunting enemy."

"Sai will die." Anko stopped flipping through the pages in the folder and dropped her hands on her lap. "If we cannot do anything to aid him in coping with the rebirth and his body will not surrender to it, his heart may stop functioning altogether due to the amount of stress."

Inoichi raised his hand to call their attention. He offered a piece of paper to the Hokage. "A lab result that supports your theory about the rebirth targeting the blood – the plasma, to be specific."

She skimmed the words on the page and turned it over to check if there was any more. A smirk crept up her lips. "Brilliant, those bitches! They cultured a germ and infested the pond with it!"

Anko tented her fingers, mirroring the triumph in the Hokage's face. "It's called a rebirth virus. They're used when the person performing the jutsu to commence the rebirth has not much chakra to provide; put simply, Ryo is an amateur in this respect. Genius, but Kakashi could have performed it without the help of the virus."

I raised my brow. "That might have flattered me."

"You're welcome."

"Inoichi," Lady Tsunade called, part of her attention still held captive by the data on the paper. "Send an ANBU to tell Isas to perform a blood test on Sai. Let's see how well this virus is doing."

Inoichi nodded and left the room through the backdoor.

Shizune stood and squinted her eyes to see the numerous charts on the glass. "Let's say it does enter the plasma and is in battle with the antibodies in real time. What is the next step? What happened when the virus entered Sakura's blood that caused her to show no symptoms of battling the foreign entity in her system? How about in Sai's?"

"To make it easier to those of you who are not medics," - the Fifth pointed at the chart on the far end of the glass - "We call that the lymphatic system. It's a network of vessels and tissues and organs that drain the fluid from the blood in the capillaries and filter it before returning it to the bloodstream. Our problem at hand is it's not doing its job properly in Sakura, although in Sai, it is doing a mighty effort."

Anko clicked her tongue, shaking her head at the facts. "If it isn't able to filter the virus _before_ returning it to the heart, the whole virus will be distributed throughout the body in just a couple of heart beats."

Shizune stomped her foot. Her fingers retreated to her palm to form a fist. "This is all impossible! The virus is supposedly filtered in the lymph nodes, and no matter how strong that virus is, Sakura Haruno must be in some kind of pain!"

Ino looked lost. She tucked her bangs behind her right ear to allow her other eye to see clearly. "What if-what if the virus managed to numb her?"

"A seizure would be its next attempt to seek help," said Anko. "Next would either be stroke or cardiac arrest – although I'm betting in kidney failure also."

"You can at least pretend that you care about what's at stake here."

Anko shut her folder. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't care, little miss blonde girl."

"She's right, Ino." I was about to delve into an explanation when Anko beat me to it.

"You're supposed to be a medic, Yamanaka. Facts are facts, whether you like the sound of it or not, whether the people who are saying them care or not. If _you_ care, then that's enough. When I was your age, I've all ready conquered all kinds of hells Orochimaru could give and lived with it. Be a grown girl and stop acting like your age matters when you're a shinobi." She resumed to facing the Hokage.

Ino blinked and bowed her head. Her bangs found its way back over a part of her face.

Inoichi came back and returned to his seat next to Shikaku. "The samples will be delivered here as soon as possible, my lady."

"Let's continue." Lady Tsunade only glimpsed Ino before turning her back on us to write on the glass. "Our major dilemmas are the following: the reason the virus has passed through Sakura's immune system undetected, the manner in which Ryo performed a rebirth on Sai in such short notice, and the full identity and capacity of this rebirth virus."

"Do you have anything to support the theory that Ryo did a rebirth on Sai and not just some akin jutsu that intended to kill?" Anko looked at our team, vaguely missing me.

Shikaku straightened his back, as if waking from a nap. "Evidence? Not yet, but we have motive. Shikamaru interrogated Sakura soon after we placed her in the containment area. On the last part of their conversation, Sakura mentioned a promise Ryo made to her, which, because of the rebirth, she misconceived as Shikamaru's promise. She said, and I quote, 'throughout those years, you've never broken your promise to save me every time, no matter the means, no matter the cost.' And then she asked Shikamaru what she could do to show her gratitude for it, meaning she was sure Ryo would do anything to make sure she survived."

"Ah." I tapped my fingernails on the report that contained the related text to his basis. "So if Ryo indeed want to be reborn in Sai, it is to make sure she is reborn in Sakura."

Anko stared at the writings on the glass behind the Hokage. "Are they doing it out of morbid obsession with each other – which, I believe, they mistake as 'love' – or are they in connivance with someone else?"

"By someone," muttered Lady Tsunade, "you mean Orochimaru?"

"This _is_ his expertise, is it not?"

Shikaku agreed. "Kana and Ryo were two of the children Orochimaru kidnapped before. They are related in that sense."

"Ryo vanished, remember? Could it be that when he escaped from Takeo's program, Orochimaru recruited him?"

"But the children must have asked where their families were, and Takeo must have given them an explanation."

"An explanation besides the truth that it was Orochimaru that kidnapped and poisoned them? That would have been possible, because if the children knew the truth, I doubt they would have penetrated their own villages in behalf of Konoha. That could have given Orochimaru the chance to act as savior in Ryo's eyes."

"That son of a…" Lady Tsunade took a deep breath and rubbed her neck to calm herself. "Inoichi, your team is the one assigned to trace the lives of Kana and Ryo, right? And the program? What have you to say on this matter?"

Inoichi remained still. "Takeo was nicknamed 'The Invisible Crow', milady, the very reason Konoha never found him or the children he rescued from their death sentence."

"Meaning…?"

"We have nothing, ma'am."

Silence transformed into a tide that loomed over us. It was subtler than it used to be when all this just started, but it crashed on us still.

As great as the minds involved were, the Fifth had to realize that we couldn't do much on our own – at least, not with a finite amount of time to reverse something we had never encountered before.

Tasks were assigned, and our group was dissolved to proceed with our respective assignments. Lady Tsunade waved me to come over just when I was leaving the room.

"Check on Naruto," she said. "Jiraiya won't be home in two days, and I need someone to make sure Naruto isn't distracted by this. At least, check on him to assure him everything will be fine and for him to focus on his part by training."

I debated whether to step up and advise her, but I remembered I still had four broken ribs in recovery. "Yes, ma'am."

Naruto was usually the easiest person to locate in Konoha. The reason I had trouble today was because I was looking at the wrong places, and they were normally the correct places if Naruto hadn't gone out of his niche.

I was seating on the steps of the military's cafeteria, under the shade of a hickory, when I overheard Hinata apologizing to a senior shinobi and promising to return her copy of the book once she found a way to retrieve from Naruto the ones she reserved. My ears had immediately perked at the mention of his name, and I interjected in their conversation with ease, somehow managing to soften the senior shinobi's tone with Hinata by mentioning how fond I was of my years as instructor to their generation of aspiring ninjas. The female jounin, realizing that I was in favor or Hinata, excused herself with grace.

My brain had whined because of my lie about being 'fond' of teaching over-active children whom I had to risk my life for every ten seconds, but I managed to mute it and focus on questioning Hinata about Naruto's whereabouts. He was, after all, still priority.

"The library?" I repeated in shock.

Hinata nodded over and over. "Yes, I believe it was Naruto I saw in the middle of all those books! Well, I went there to borrow books for research on my next mission, and I've already reserved the books I needed, but the librarian said Naruto threatened him, so he had no choice but to surrender them."

"What books are those, Hinata?"

"About chakra control and the various pressure points in pathway manipulation, sir."

Ah.

"Thank you for you for the information."

Konoha was dark when I found Naruto in his apartment. I crouched on the handrail to see the titles of the books on his bed. Failing, I lifted my forehead protector to use my sharingan.

Those were the books indeed.

Naruto collapsed on the bed, holding a book over his face. Judging by the intensity in which he chewed his bottom lip, I could tell he'd been rereading the same page for hours on no end.

Should I talk to him?

"Watching over the Nine-tails?"

I turned around and dipped my hands back into my trouser pockets. "It's you."

"Long, crazy day." Anko yawned without covering her mouth. "How is the work in Intelligence?"

"You know I'm not fond of working with a lot of people," I said, returning my gaze to Naruto, who was now swinging his legs upward over his head to see how far he could go without breaking his neck. "Shikaku allows me to research in another room. My back is stiff from all that sitting."

Anko hit areas along the length of my spine, and I couldn't help but moan in relief as the tension escaped from my muscles.

"I didn't know you could do that without paralyzing a person," I said.

She shrugged, spying the only lit room in that apartment building. "Delayed paralysis. You'll be feeling it in an hour. Orochimaru taught me that. Funny, eh?"

"Oh." I wanted to let her speak without hearing anything from me, which I figured she preferred, but I had to ask, "Am I really going to be paralyzed in an hour?"

She shrugged again. "You'll see."

"Okay then."

"It's sad - what happened."

"To whom?"

"Sakura and Shikamaru and Sai."

"These things are inevitable – you said it yourself to Ino."

"No," she said as though she was a child refusing a lollipop from a stranger. "We get injured and we die. We don't turn into a vessel for a soul that lusts for a hundred lifetimes. It's only prolonged death, what Kana and Ryo were seeking."

"Or love."

"Love? Really, Kakashi?"

"I never said love for the opposite sex. I meant love for life…for time…we call it greed and lust and pride and sloth but the truth is, it's all love – just the ugly sides of it." I looked at her. Her eyes remained dim even with the illumination from the nearby establishments. "People do a good job at disguising them under such names. They can't accept that love isn't just beautiful as they were raised to believe. Everything has its ugly side."

She sneered. "What if this happened to you, Kakashi?"

"What would happen to me?"

"Put in Ryo's shoes, I mean," she said. "Would you really have risked a rebirth on Sai just to make sure Kana lived?"

"But I don't _know_ Kana."

"Seriously, Kakashi."

I took a moment to consider it. "For someone I consider precious, yes."

"Like who?"

"That depends."

"Would you do it for Naruto?"

I peered at him. He was now doing push ups, blowing the book to another page every time he descended. "Yes, I would."

"To that Sasuke kid?"

"Given he aims to correct his ways, yes, I would."

"Sakura Haruno?"

I thought of her crying, at her running to stop Naruto and Sasuke from colliding rasengan and chidori. I thought of her in that pond, wrapped in a white cloth and embraced by a nearly unconscious Shikamaru. I thought of her lying in intensive care with all that paint across her naked body. She was so strong, but she was only just a kid. "Yes."

"See?" She smiled kindly at me now. "You're all trying to figure out why Lady Tsunade's stomping over protocols to save her student, when all of you are just better at denying how much the people at risk means to you."

"Sakura and Sai, if completely turned into Kana and Ryo, will become threats. We cannot risk Konoha for the sake of our emotions."

"I'm not saying Lady Tsunade is right, Kakashi," she said. "I'm just saying we should trust her. I wouldn't do the same, but she has the right to because first, she's the Hokage, and second, she's the best medic in the Fire Country. If she thinks she is against the odds, she'll change her tactics."

I avoided her gaze. The stars winked at me. The moon hid behind a mist of blue-grey clouds.

"Will you do it for me?" Anko stood in front of me, her head tipped back in order to see my face. "What Shikamaru is doing for Sakura now? Tolerating every single change in her behavior, in her tone, in her expression? Tolerating the pretense of husband and wife? Tolerating that I can wake up one day and kill you because the person who has chosen me as vessel sees you as her enemy?"

I lowered my head to search her face. "Even if Orochimaru did use you as a vessel, I'd spend my entire life finding a way to bring you back."

Anko touched her curse mark. "If this consumes me, one day…I want you to be the one to kill me, Kakashi."

I put my hand above hers and said nothing.

Anko frowned.

I should have, but I couldn't admit to her that losing another significant person in front of my very eyes would deliver me to the peak of my best judgment both as a human and as a shinobi, and from that height, a fall would surely kill me. The hardest part came when I realized her faith that it was impossible for me to fall. I could, and then it would be so easy to see from what depth Sasuke perceived the world.

Above the spikes of her hair - through the apartment window – I saw Naruto collapse, hit his head on the floor, and vanished in a blast of white mist.

She turned to see what had stolen my attention. "Shadow clone?"

"I knew it." I took several steps back and formed a hand seal. "Tell Yamato that Naruto's gone to the Nara Forest and prepare a cell to throw him in for the night. I'll go ahead to stop him from biting Shikamaru's shadow."


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Eighteen**

 **Sakura**

I was in the house and it was empty. The afternoon light penetrated the windowpanes, mirroring squares on the floor. Dust whirled around. I took one step at a time. The stairs beckoned me. I climbed it, listening to every creak the wood made as I put my weight on the steps. The railings embraced my hand with their roughness.

Everything was solid and real.

I bent down to catch my breath once I reached the top. My journey exhausted me.

I raised my head and Shikamaru stood in front of me, so near I could feel him. Smoke oozed from his skin and descended to my feet, chilling my bare legs. Realizing I was naked, I splayed my arm over my breasts and my hand over my genitals.

Shikamaru stood there, staring at me, motionless.

I released my breasts to reach for his face. The cold surrounding us numbed my fingertips. When I came in contact with him, I screamed.

His pupils rolled upward to meet mine. "Don't kill me."

My foot inched backwards, left, and then right. "I-I-I…I won't-!"

"But I'm dead," he said.

Another step. I opened my eyes, and I was in the air, flying at first, and then falling.

I hit my head.

I gasped and panted. Debris lay around me. The sun sat high on the sky. I moved my arm over my head to see the silhouette of the man standing on higher ground, looking down at me.

In a flash, he was in front of me.

"Sasuke!"

But he was a little boy, staring up at me so innocently I wanted to cry. This was the boy Konoha should remember, not the man who had lost his way. I fell on my knees and spread my arms. "Come here," I said.

Sasuke tilted his head to lean his cheek on my palm. He smiled. "Please don't kill me."

My fingers recoiled, but I didn't want to withdraw my hand from his face completely. His face…was growing cold. "Come here. No I won't kill you. C'mon, I'll warm you up."

He shook his head. "But you're already killing me, Sakura. You don't remember my face."

I shook my head too and grazed my knees forward. "I remember your face. How else could I have recognized you?"

"If this is my face-" he straightened his neck, and a bubble highlighted with pink and blue erupted from his face. A bigger bubble blew up from his nostrils and enveloped his entire head.

I stumbled back, kicking the ground; the hand that was formerly on his cheek now covered my mouth to suppress my screams.

The bubble popped, revealing the face of a young Shikamaru. "-would you still call me Sasuke? Answer me, Sakura."

He marched towards me. I begged him to stop.

Stop.

Everything, just please stop!

The boy fell on his knees - the light in his eyes drifting - and he collapsed on the soil. The moment seemed to stop, indeed, and nothing else but my lungs moved. The air seeped in and escaped me so quickly I was worried if this was normal – if I had ever breathed this way before.

 _Are these still my lungs?_

Shadows moved from underneath the boy's body. Suddenly, a series of scripts written in black ink danced from his center to form a web. Water dripped from my hair. I gripped it, squeezed it, and realized my hair was drenched.

Shikamaru propped his head up. "Save me."

I scrambled to my feet, but my knees constantly betrayed me. Finally, I leapt up and held myself upright this time. "H-ho-how? How?" I whipped my head around, seeing the script and the water and the stalagmite of the cave but understanding nothing. I yelled, "How?"

Tears seeped out from the corners of his eyes. "Rebirth."

The moment I woke up, I felt as though I woke up to a dead version of myself. The window overhead bathed me with yellow light. Shikamaru must have opened it, because the wind was carrying inside leaves from the sycamore tree. Flapping my blanket, the leaves flew from the bed and onto the mattress on the floor.

I bent forward and I saw the quilts folded neatly and placed on top of the pillow.

I swung my legs off the bed and stood gradually, scanning the room for anything that might hint I was still in a dream. Shikamaru usually didn't fold his linens until after thirty rounds of scolding, and even then, he wouldn't fold them this neatly. The one time I watched over him while he performed this task, I observed his murmurs and the altering of his visage from calm to vexed. It wasn't that he was too lazy, but too concentrated on the work at hand.

As the days pushed on, he became more and more possessed with filtering the scrolls to find the missing pieces of the pattern we were forming on the wall. He turned deaf to nearly every question, so I subjected our conversations until after work only.

By dinnertime, he would have already drifted from his theories and cared enough to open his mouth to talk normally.

I ran my hand across the embroidery of his quilts.

Was this still a dream?

Not wanting to be caught by surprise, I sat straight with my palms overturned on my lap and took a deep breath. The forces arising from the inanimate objects inside the house subsided into the background of my conscious mind, and I concentrated on finding any animate life force.

I opened my eyes. None, with the exception of my own, was currently present in here.

Slipping on a green sweatshirt over my yellow dress, I brushed my hair with my fingers and proceeded to roam the circumference of the house.

"Shikamaru?" I peeped through the glass of the green house. No spikes of black hair were visible.

Something prodded me forward, and I squeaked in surprise. Spinning around, I gawked at the sight of a doe tilting her head side to side to inspect me.

"Well, hello there." I hand hovered above its face, clueless as to how I should endear it.

The doe nudged my elbow, shoving me to the left. I turned my attention to the opening in the forest.

"Is…he there?" I asked.

The doe trudged on ahead of me.

"Okay, if you…insist?" I followed her into the forest, and realized this path was familiar to my memory. Although the doe turned right later on, I kept on forward. This road led to the cache where the box was hidden.

Inserting my hands into the pocket of my sweatshirt, I soldiered on with my stroll, willing my feet to keep a steady pace even when my head was begging for them to speed up.

My dream could mean anything. Shikamaru pleaded for me not to kill him, and only seconds later, he said I already did. The emptiness of the house could pertain to his current emotional state of abandonment due to my lack of support regarding that box.

Lack of support? I was giving him every support! He was the one turning me down.

Birds sang a melody that drifted along the canopy above me. I scrutinized the fractions where the light seeped through to touch the forest floor, revealing the artful curvature of the trunks and the branches. The architecture of the shrubbery seemed deliberate, almost as if Shikamaru's forefathers spent their lives bending the trees based on a design. A sparrow flew across. It is the same sparrow Shikamaru used the first time I confronted him in here.

The melancholy of solitude in the middle of such beautiful landscape delivered me back to my dream. Mentioning I killed him meant my apathy ate at him.

"What to do…?" My ears perked, and I located the direction of the rustling.

A hand emerged from the blue mist that had hazed the rest of the forest, and Shikamaru poked his head out. The rest of his body followed suit into the sunlight. I swayed from side to side, debating whether it was good to be seen lingering here for him, but he saw me, and the best I could do was smile and wave.

He didn't look startled.

"Morning," he mumbled.

I hugged myself, shrugged, and chuckled awkwardly. "Good morning."

"You look happy. Something happen while I was away?"

"Oh, that. The doe approached me and led me to the forest…to where you are," I said. "She must have figured I was looking for you."

He glanced at the lifting mist. "Yeah, a doe was guarding me earlier. She was agitated; must be mad at you for not following her all the way."

"Really?"

He laughed. "Does are sensitive. I should have left a note telling you where I'd be. I visited that box thing."

Box thing. Shikamaru referred to it as such in an attempt to belittle the matter. Transferring to his right side, we started down the path that led us back to the house. "Why? Do you think someone would get it?"

"I really can't tell why. I just wanted to visit it for some reason. Felt I had to."

"Do you want to discuss it?" I cleared my throat to avoid choking on my own saliva. "All I'm saying is that if it bothers you from time to time, we can try to trace it back to its origin and that might…" I shrugged again, moving my hands up and down like weights. "Settle your mind?"

Shikamaru covered his mouth as he yawned. "Nah, too troublesome for my taste. We've got work to do."

Why wasn't I shocked?

"By the way," I muttered, and licked my lips. "You told me I should tell you whenever I had those dreams, right?"

He stopped, put his hands on his waist, and looked at me. "The rebirth dream? You had one last night?"

"Sort of….yeah." Suddenly, the words on my tongue turned bitter. There was no nonchalant manner of narrating a dream that included that fact that I was naked in the first half, inevitably evoking the power of male imagination and unstable hormones. Worse, the message my dream could translate to him was a subconscious desire of mine to harm him, and that in the depths of my heart there still lay a space open for any act that could bring Sasuke back.

That child, happy as he leaned his fat cheek against my palm, was the saddest and most genuine image of him I had yet to behold.

I waved Shikamaru off with a sigh. "It was very hazy…nothing much comes back to memory. There were scripts, still, and water dampening my hair, but that's all I can remember so far. It might come back better later in the day, I really am not sure. I hope it does, though."

I didn't miss his calculative gaze while I said this, but it vanished in an instant, and he was back to himself. "Don't beat yourself up with dreams. There are better things to think of. Thank you for telling me, though."

Inserting my hand on the nook of his arm, I closed our gap in order to feel his heat. "Did you fold your linens?"

He winced. "Are you going to make me redo them again?"

"No, they were actually well done."

"I had enough practice."

I reached back to encircle his arm around my waist. I did the same to him, and buried the side of my face on his chest while we walked. "You're warm. You feel so alive."

Shikamaru stiffened. "Why should I feel otherwise, Sakura? You're being funny today."

Well, in my dream, you were the coldest corpse I had ever touched.

And I had touched a lot of corpses.

When I didn't respond, he pulled me closer and said nothing further.

Shikamaru decided we should proceed with filtering the scrolls the minute we were done with breakfast. I insisted on washing the dishes first, but he half-carried me to the living room, arguing that we had to spend every waking hour deciphering it for the sake of Konoha's safety. I wrestled him on the stairs, but the dream rushed back to me, and I relaxed the chakra in my hands, allowing him to be the conquering gladiator.

"I recognize the pattern, but I can't put a name to it yet." He paused from heaving me up the next step. Dropping his head to one side and flicking his eyes up at me, he said, "C'mon. I really need your help."

I couldn't stop my grin from surfacing. "Fascinating! The great Shikamaru Nara is admitting weakness and begging for my help!"

"What is it with women and dishes?" He hugged my waist and hauled me onto the step where he stood. He leaned back on the balustrade, panting and ready to disintegrate into his normal level of lousiness. "Leave those things be! They're created to be dirty, and if they can speak, I bet they'll tell you they like it! They are serving their purpose. Give them some suspense and wash them later."

This was another fascination. Lately, Shikamaru had been putting effort into arguing with me. His normal attitude towards this was to let me finish while he took a nap. Somehow, he was giving me much more attention than was comfortable.

"How would you know what they'd say if they could speak? I'm the one bathing them day and night! They're like my babies!" As I said this, I jerked my outstretched arm towards the kitchen for emphasis. "I literally hear them calling out to me right now, crying and cursing you for dragging me away from them! They're saying that if you do that again, you'll never be able to eat on another plate again."

He dipped his brows. "Tell them I'll break them."

I gasped.

" _Women_ …" he rumbled. "Fine. I'll wait for you."

I hummed while I washed the dishes, just to break the monotony of the water hitting the sink. The sound and the feel of it rushing and soaking my hands still provided comfort, but more than that, it casted doubt over me. Slanting the plate to rinse it of soap, I craned my neck to glimpse Shikamaru.

He sat with his legs crossed on the couch of the unfinished receiving area adjacent to the dining room. His head was turned to the open window, his brain probably contemplating the weather.

"You can go on ahead, you know," I said.

He yawned again. "I'll wait."

"Shikamaru, waiting? That's normal."

"I want to stay with you."

The plate slipped from my grasp. I caught it before the rim hit the sink. I sighed quietly. "That's sweet," I breathed. "I saw a sparrow earlier. Did you report to the Hokage?"

"Ah-huh. About the pattern of the scrolls. I told her it looked like a map."

Indeed, come afternoon, the image of a map unraveled before my eyes. I had been too busy on the scripts themselves that I neglected our work as a whole. The overlapping scrolls we taped together interconnected the highlighted passages, revealing an inconsistent outline on the wall. Shikamaru and I distanced ourselves to examine it from all angles.

 _Burn it_ , said a voice in my head. I jerked and touched my ears.

Shikamaru crouched. He pressed his fingertips together and kept his eyes locked on the wall.

 _Burn it._

"Why?" I grumbled.

Shikamaru blinked up at me. "Why what?"

"No, nothing. I was…" I crouched next to him to see from his vantage point. "What do you think that hole in the middle is for? We've got no scroll to fill up that gap."

"Could it be a water formation?"

"A lake?"

"It's too big."

Shikamaru rocked himself back and forth. He leapt to his feet "I'll go grab a book of maps in grandpa's library, okay? Stay here and continue contemplating for my sake."

I reached for his arm when he stepped around me. "Don't take long."

"I won't." He squeezed my hand before walking away.

The voice in my head hissed louder once I was left alone.

 _Burn it. Burn it. They'll find them if you don't burn it._

I put my hands over my ears. I stomped across the room and slammed shut all the windows. When still the small voice hissed, I was convinced I wasn't just making it up from the varying resonance from nature.

"Who would they find?" I whispered to myself. The hall remained soundless. Shikamaru must still be in the library.

 _Destroy it before he sees the marks._

My eyes roamed the map. "What marks?"

 _The marks where your targets are. Quick. If Konoha gets to them, you're done for._

Marks. I stepped back and tapped the pen against my thigh, narrowing my attention to any outstanding figures along our highlighted passages.

Many techniques could have been used to code whatever target this voice was talking about. Most common would be especially darkened words, which was not so stupid because although the decoder would already see the focal point of the map, they still had the dilemma of forming the map itself to properly locate it.

Next would be to rely on consistencies. Something all these highlighted passages had in common…I gripped the pen.

Got them.

Shikamaru dropped a stack of violet books on the floor, the booming sound causing me to bound into a fighting stance. He studied my pose. "What are you doing?"

This was my husband, I reminded myself. I lowered my arms, and my fingers uncoiled from the pen.

"Sakura?" He glimpsed my hand. He squeezed my shoulder. "Okay, you're freaking me out."

I was hearing voices, but I was too afraid to admit it. Instead, I smiled, and I said I was tempted to correct the stroke of the letter 'f' in one of the highlighted texts.

"Sakura!" Shikamaru steadied me by holding my nape, and he dabbed his thumb under my nose. Blood skated down to his palm. "Sit down! I'll get a cold compress."

I let him lead me to the couch without so much as a word while I pinched my nose bridge. My lungs complained, as if I was forcing it to do something it didn't want to. Again, I asked myself if this body was still mine. My inwards felt foreign.

Blood trickled down my upper lip and slipped into my mouth.

 _Burn the map._

I blew my nose on my sleeve to get rid of the blood and raced downstairs, not wanting to be alone. My footsteps reiterated my fear so clearly that I forced myself to slow down. I didn't want Shikamaru to panic.

My voice was my own. This monster whispering in my head wasn't from me.

I jogged to the kitchen while I cupping my nose and sobbing.

Shikamaru was ducked behind the fridge, dropping ice-cubes inside a red pack. He swung back on his heels to glimpse beyond the fridge-door, turned again to the freezer, and whipped his head in my direction. "Sakura!"

I ran my sleeve over my eyes, mixing blood with my tears. He shut the ice-pack, kicked the fridge close, and touched my face again. "Sit down! Sit down!"

I shook my head no.

The last time I may have cried like this in front of him was the day he set out to lead the squad that was supposed to retrieve Sasuke back from Orochimaru's henchmen. He wasn't even supposed to see me cry. All my tears were meant for Naruto, because it was only him I trusted enough to reciprocate my desire to bring back our strayed teammate.

Yet he had dropped that crease on his brow and restrained a frown to consider my mourning that time, and I remembered being grateful that despite his critical dread on girls crying over boys, I found out later on that he truly did his best to accomplish their goal.

At that time I was very grateful to him for caring, even though I didn't show it like I should have.

Now here he was, cringing over my childish act, putting me on a chair and dabbing my hands and face with a wet towel.

"You've got to calm down." He matched his steady breathing with slow hand motions. "Deep breathes. That's it." He pressed our foreheads together to feel my temperature mainly because his hand had long frozen numb due to the icepack, and he clicked his tongue. "You're cold but you're having a nosebleed. Help me out - what does that mean?"

Something could be wrong with my internal organs, especially my heart? I couldn't bring myself to admit these evaluations. The possibilities weren't even the ones scaring me. That wicked little voice in my head was still luring – I could feel it scratching the meninges of my skull – and I didn't know how to tell him. This was Shikamaru; he would get scared like I was.

So I shook my head again while I pressed the icepack on top of my head. "I'm sorry I'm crying, I have no idea why. I'm just so suddenly upset…"

Shikamaru straightened up to remove his sweater. He ordered me to lift my arms. I obliged, and he pulled the sleeves down my arms first and inserted my head through the hole with thorough gentleness. I regarded the satin of his tunic. "Want me to get you another sweater?"

"I'm fine." He popped my hair out from beneath the collars. "Feeling better?"

"Are my eyes swollen?"

"A bit, yeah."

He pulled out a chair and sat facing me. "Okay, you've got to tell me what's happening."

"Nothing's happening."

He frowned.

I threw myself on the backrest. "I feel weird, okay? Like this isn't… _mine_." I motioned from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. "I wake up feeling dead – somewhat. It's like I'm living in this shell, but I've lived here all my life and this is the first time its ever made me so alienated."

Shikamaru gripped my hand, giving it assuring tugs. "That body is yours, Sakura, no matter how you may feel. _Fight it_."

"Fight _what_?" I snapped. Blood oozed down my right nostril. Shikamaru raced me to wiping it away. His touch swarmed me with guilt.

I sniffed. "Fight what?"

"Fight the feeling." He shrugged. "How would I know if you won't tell me the whole truth? Look, I'm not stupid. You're my wife. I won't push it unless I have to, but you've got me going nuts about your health. Tell me what's happening with you and we'll fight it together."

But fight what? His tone suggested something more specific, like a name of a person he'd been dodging, or a date he'd been forgetting on purpose.

I took solace in his grip. Whether I liked it or not, Shikamaru was right. I had been holding back on him about the rebirth, which I only let slip snippets of details yesterday to test waters, but had been scared to go into detail. The itching on my back was the other concern I dared not mention; if I couldn't summon the courage to confess that, how was I suppose to confess my dream? About a little Sasuke's face bursting into bubbles and morphing into his?

The trembling of my hand broke me from this reverie, only to realize it wasn't actually my hand that was trembling, but Shikamaru's.

Seeing into his eyes startled me. His pupils were steady, fixed, almost, but the rest of his body betrayed him. Noticing my inspection, he said, "Please, Sakura. Don't you trust me?"

Trust. Was that too much to give?

"It started when I was in the shower, and the water drifted me to the moment I woke up in intensive care…" I admitted to having corrected Lady Tsunade about Sasuke's identity and confusing him with Shikamaru during that hallucination. The latter incident of his singing that led to the unaccounted wounds on my chest tasted sour on my tongue, so I hastened to finish my commentary on the topic. I also recounted the event wherein he watched me while I dressed, and of his gaze lingering on my waist.

He jolted at the accusation and rifled his memory to fit my story, discovered I was correct, and defended that he wasn't a peeping tom. I dismissed the issue with soft giggle, remembering that I had also stared long enough to admire his physique.

His trembling lessened as I went on, and I could just picture his brain filtering my stories into rational thoughts that he would use to console me. I swallowed hard and shifted my position before proceeding to the dream I had, to which his only response was to stare in awe.

"I went out to find you to try and see if it was related with my concern over you and that box." I compressed my arms, my fingers clutching my knees. "Maybe it had something to do with that, and maybe not."

He pulled away from me, hanging his right arm over the edge of the backrest. "I'm voting not. Those two consecutive dreams are related to your idea of the rebirth thing. It's okay for you to admit it - I'm not touchy about the issue. You're a responsible person. I trust you."

He could trust me all he wanted, but it didn't make much difference until I learned how to trust myself. "How about the voice I hear? In my head? Asking me to burn down the map?" I asked.

Shikamaru turned his head towards me so slowly, so suspiciously, that he hurt me. "You hear a voice instructing you to take it down?"

"It told me something about the map…but you arrived and dropped the books and surprised me, so now I don't remember what it was," I said. "But that map is our clue to what could probably a step into preventing something against Konoha, right? Why should the voice instruct me to burn it down? What am I? An enemy? Goodness, Shikamaru!" I slapped my hand over my mouth. The icepack fell on my lap. "Am I going crazy?"

He removed my hand from my mouth and craned his neck forward, enough that our breathes mingled. "You. Are. Not. Crazy. You are anything but crazy, Sakura. The last mission left us all a little handicapped. I'm sure there's an explanation to this."

"Shikamaru!" I said. "I'm hearing a voice! With a mind of its own!"

"It doesn't prove anything!"

The front door groaned.

Shikamaru jumped to his feet, his hand on my shoulder weighing me down. "Stay here," he said as he inched towards the curve that connected the kitchen to the main hall. "Dad?"

Shikaku? I stood and wiped my face off whatever blood may be on me.

Shikamaru motioned for me to stay where I was.

"Son, I need to talk to you," he said. "Where is Sakura?"

"Here inside. Why don't you come in?" Shikamaru leaned back on the table. His fingers crawled to the plate behind him.

I had opened my mouth to greet him when I sensed a fireball of chakra approaching the backdoor. Before I could react, Shikamaru had pitched the plate towards Shikaku. I heard the porcelain shatter, followed by a 'poof'.

"Shadow clone!" he said.

"There!" I shoved the table towards the backdoor, but a flash of orange erupted through it just in time to avoid my charging buttress. I leapt back, scraping my nails on the floor to control my descent.

Shikamaru stepped in front of me, holding a hand-seal in place. His shadow elongated and seized Naruto's, who was sitting on top of the table with a sour frown.

"Naruto!"

"Don't worry, Shikamaru, I'm not here to hurt you." He gritted his teeth, causing his jaws to protrude. "I'm here to warn you."

Shikamaru bent on one knee to hold the jutsu. "Warn me?"

Naruto refused to even look at me. He kept his fists at his sides, and his eyes solely on him. "You're my friend, and I told you I would help you with this, but I want you to know that I'm not happy with what you said to Sakura while in your mission. Dare say that again and I swear we'll be enemies."

"What did I say?" Shikamaru caught his tongue. He stood and unclasped his fingers from the seal. His shadow retreated.

"What the hell, Naruto?" I tossed my arms in the air. "What is this about?"

He lowered his head, still avoiding my gaze. "He hurt you, Sakura, and I won't tolerate that. I know how much Sasuke means to you."

I stomped my way to Naruto, but Shikamaru arrested my wrist. "He's talking about our argument before you pursued rescuing Kana," he explained. "…When I said you can't accomplish that because you can't even save..."

I yanked my wrist free and held Naruto by the chin. "Is that all you came here for? To threaten Shikamaru for something he apologized for?"

"Sakura," warned Shikamaru, but I was having none of his moral sermons.

The heat in Naruto's face decreased. "He apologized for that?"

"He did, you moron!" I said. "Can't you stop acting before you think? Would I come with him here if I took that by heart? Is this really how you're going to treat Team Seven? We're complete now, and yet you're so intent on breaking us apart! Isn't this what you always wanted? To have Shikamaru back with us? Now that he is, stop acting like a freaking child and spitting threats like we're still playing hide and seek in the third training ground!"

He froze as hard as the ice-cubes in my hands earlier, only his stillness refused to melt.

Two ANBUS burst into the house and seized Naruto by the arms. They received no resistance from him.

I stepped back to let them drag him away, whispering 'don't hurt him' while they went, even when I knew full well it was as stupid as his act tonight.

I had already hurt Naruto.


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Nineteen**

 **Shikamaru**

I kept my eyes closed while I walked. The footfalls of the doe led me through the chunky vegetation of the eastern side of our forest. Sometimes I thought they were enough – my ears, the sounds they received, and the signals my brain interpreted in black and white. They seldom lied, and there were barely double-meanings to them.

When the doe turned right, crushing twigs and mushrooms beneath her hooves, my mind instructed my body to follow. There was no doubting, no dawdling, no over-thinking contours and no analyzing structures.

Unlike when sight was active and in use…unlike when my eyes were open and seeing Sakura, every kind of doubt would infiltrate my thoughts. Doubt would eat at me until I couldn't decide which of the mirrors in the house reflected my image honestly.

In moments like those, I would lean out of windows and close my eyes. I would listen, and the hissing of the wind and the hooting of the owls would reconnect me to the reality I knew before the cacophony of the rebirth disturbed my peace.

The doe stopped. My eyelids scrolled upward a fraction, letting me absorb the morning light little by little. The doe leapt and galloped away, back to its normal self.

I looked around. Somewhere out here lay Ino's body, still recuperating from the stress of entering an animal.

A tree branch vibrated above my head, drizzling me with leaves, and an ANBU pointed towards the famous Nara Black Oak. Fluttering behind the charred trunk were strands of yellow hair. I put my finger over my lips to silence the deer daring to approach.

They stopped, understanding.

Ino was sensitive to the softest of sounds during the stages of her soul's recuperation, specifically the first few seconds of its return to her body. This could be traced back to our first mission as official genins, wherein, after we defeated the enemy and she had released her Mind-Transfer Jutsu, Choji burped, and her body sprinted to the neighboring town on its own. Asuma and I chased her across a foreign village without any idea of what was happening. Fortunately, I caught her just as she was about to hit the ground, saving her face from any gash, which would have cost me my bones had I allowed her skin to be damaged.

When questioned, she said she heard the sound wave of the enemy heading towards her, and so her body must have pumped adrenaline enough to dodge and escape. Asuma, with the silliest of grins, scratched the back of his head and confessed it was not the enemy, but Choji and his burp that caused her comedic performance.

As I tapped her cheek and whispered her name, I wondered if she had forgotten the threat she used on Choji and I so that story would not leak outside our group. If I wanted to, I could exploit that to force her to stay a while here, just to keep my sanity intact.

Ino blinked at me and smiled. "I lack practice."

"It's not completely necessary for you to practice on animals, especially on cows," I said. "Choji might accidentally mistake you for food, and then it would be a pity to lose you to his favorite butcher."

She slapped my arm. "That's generous coming from your humour."

I waved my arm, signaling the ANBU that it was safe to leave us alone. Once his silhouette on the canopy disappeared, I replied, "I'm surprised I have any. These days had been troublesome, not to mention last night…"

"Kakashi said the ANBU arrested him before any battle ensued."

"He didn't come to fight, Ino."

She hauled herself up to a proper sitting position. "What _did_ happen, Shikamaru?"

I descended to the cracked soil. A young deer lay on the ground beside me. "I told you about the argument I had with Sakura before she set out to rescue Kana, right? Well, Naruto came to warn me…said he wouldn't tolerate me hurting Sakura, even through words. Sasuke means so much to them."

She studied my physique. "Are you injured? Did Naruto hurt you?"

"Sakura ended up scolding him and mistaking me for Sasuke, and I, as a member of Team Seven." I ran my hand across my face and pressed my lips inwards to warm them. "She's beginning to see me as Sasuke, Ino. It's not the first time, and I'm afraid she can't even recognize her own mistakes."

"Have you seen yourself Shikamaru?" She pinched my cheeks. "You're pure white and yellow all over! Have you slept at all?"

I rubbed my skin. "Last night's attack wasn't exactly an ingredient for sound sleep, and Sakura was laying awake on the bed until dawn."

"…Was she upset with Naruto?"

"We didn't talk about anything, but I suspect the assault was what kept her from sleep," I said. "I just watched her until she finally closed her eyes, and when I went downstairs to grab a cup of coffee, I saw the doe you possessed peering through the kitchen window, and I followed you here. By the way, why did you want to meet with me?"

Ino stared at me, her brows dipping lower and lower. Hesitation caged her usual vivaciousness, putting an awkward curb to her worried expression. She used to be vibrant no matter her emotion, but today brought a drastic change to her that made me shudder. "What's happening here?" she said. "In that house? Has Sakura…been…"

"Changing?" I finished for her, and then regretted doing so. The word dried my tongue.

"Yeah?" she muttered.

I transferred beside her and leaned back on the charred trunk of the Black Oak. Her shoulder pressed against mine slightly. My body relaxed. "She has dreams of rebirths, of attempts to bring Sasuke back in case he's been turned into a vessel. Last night, while we were working out the scrolls, she was whispering to herself, and then her nose started to bleed, and she was so frozen with fright. I sat her down and got her to confess what's been happening…well, the rebirth was happening. Aside from the dreams, she's been hearing this voice in her head that's instructing her to destroy the scrolls. I put them down and disordered them just in case she wakes up and suddenly decides to follow the voice. My damned forefathers know those scrolls are the only work allowing me to cope."

"Did she say what kind of voice she hears?"

"Something that makes her feel foreign in her own body," I said. "Kana's voice. Sakura said it made her feel as though she was enemy to Konoha."

"How come? What exactly has it been telling her?"

"To burn the map we formed with the scrolls. To be honest…I don't know. I can't seem to sum this up…" I tipped my head to the side and saw her gawking. I managed a chuckle. "This is the dumbest I've been since…well, since I figured circumcision was mandatory for male shinobis and not because it would stunt my growth."

"Wow. That _is_ dumb."

"You know about that?"

Her face flushed. "Where were you during our health classes as genins? In-between missions?"

"The ones where they make us stare at dummies of the human body prior our check-ups?"

"Now we've found something a lot dumber than your circumcision."

The realization that I was talking about my private part to Ino made me swallow and scratch my head. " _Anyway_ , the frustration slowed me down in all aspects, and it's not like I'm getting enough help from your team."

Ino scoffed. " _Not enough help_? Shizune and I had slept in the same clothes for four days straight just because we can't leave Lab Five! The most recent shower I've taken was at one in the morning when Kazuo was allowed to take my shift! Dad's juggling diplomatic appearances in our districts with researching forbidden jutsus! Our house has been uninhabited for more than a week, and all our food have expired! And your father, Shikamaru! You don't know-"

"You don't know that he came here and humiliated me in front of Neji just so he could compare my pathways to Ryo's without me ever knowing of their suspicions of me!" I pushed myself up and strode forward, agitated. The deer mimicked me. "He doesn't trust me, Ino, and that's such a huge consolation for me, especially since I'm the one stuck here with the opportunity to save Sakura but clueless of how to!"

Ino remained sitting on the protruding root of the oak, head bowed, her eyes locked on mine, waiting for my antagonism to subside. Once it had, she said, with as much calm she could muster, "You should have seen his face when he announced to us that your pathways were clear of the rebirth."

My chest fell, and the breath I had been holding in passed between my lips, burning them. "I'm not infected by it?"

Ino shook her head.

"He should have told me."

"What would you have done?" She stood. "You're in enough stress as it is, Shikamaru. Lady Tsunade said that if you were experiencing the rebirth also, we had no choice but to hide it from you because just like Sakura, it's your uncertainty that will be feeding the rebirth!"

"Sakura's uncertainty about her relationship with Sasuke was creating a gap for Kana to grow because Kana felt the same uncertainty with Ryo!" I said. "It feeds on her uncertainty - her uncertainty with herself because of Sasuke's leaving despite her efforts to support him. This was what allowed the rebirth to take place. What uncertainty do I share with Ryo that would allow him to grow in me?"

"He may not have anything to share with you, but he has a lot of similar pains to connect himself to Sai!"

My mind blanked. "…Sai?"

Ino crossed her arms and looked away. "I don't know! It-it's a possibility that Sai's the victim, not you! I mean…h-he was the one battling Ryo, right? The Hokage is treating him now, seeing if it's possible. She's basically figured the general concept of the rebirth and is in the first steps of reversing it, by the way."

I gripped her shoulders, forcing her to look at me. "You've found a solution?"

A teardrop spilled from her right eye and skated down her cheek. "We're almost there."

I stepped back and slowly loosened my fingers around her shoulders. When another tear fell, I dropped my arms. "Ino, what's wrong?"

She shook her head. "It's so hard, isn't it?"

I watched her tremble in the morning mist. I wanted to keep her warm but I was unable to close the gap between us. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to raise my voice."

"I've been so worried for you!" She mopped her tears with her fingers. "It's so difficult knowing where you are but not being able to come here to help you. All I can do in Konoha is study and probe dead bodies and wait, and wait and wait for news! I haven't seen my best friend when in any day, she can be another person entirely!"

Moments passed, and I let her cry. The confusion in her countenance as she wiped her face dry told me that even she had no idea where all her sadness had sprung.

Asuma and I had a conversation about the human ability to be ignorant until the heart and mind could no longer keep the frustration at bay, and suddenly, it would open its floodgates enough to let loose the excess pain. When there was space again, composure would return, and then the cycle would repeat itself.

I hated conversations like those. It was like discussing sickness and death…the inevitable and the inescapable. Yet we had to acknowledge them, in the process making sure there were temporary remedies that allowed us to cope.

Friends - that was what Asuma termed that temporary remedy.

 _I'm not such a good friend, am I, Ino?_

I tucked my hands in my pockets and peered at her face. "Lately, you've been confessing more often that she's your best friend."

Her eyes lingered on my nose, then on my lips, and she said, "Is that your best effort to cheer me up? Because you suck at it, Shikamaru."

"Actually," I muttered, "I'm trying to get you to stop crying. Before, the mention of Sakura gets you so riled up you forget that you're upset. The story about Sasuke punching the guy who was hitting on Sakura usually work best."

"He punched that pervert because if Naruto saw him, he would have blown their cover!"

"It works!" I announced to the deer surrounding us, and they responded by galloping in place.

Ino wiped her eyes, laughing. I searched my pockets for a handkerchief and found none, so I pulled the cuffs of my sleeves over my palm and dabbed it on her lashes. She moved her head, surprised but smiling.

"You're such a gentleman - " she slapped my hand away, giggling. " – that I actually want to punch you for being a dork rather than fall in love with you for trying to comfort me. Haven't you heard of using your thumb?"

"Fall in love with me?" I said. "That's some progress in our friendship. Five years ago, you loathed that I was your teammate, and now you've considered romance."

"Loathed being teammates with you?" She sneered. "I loved being teammates with you! Especially when the exams got ridiculously unpleasant, you always managed to get Choji and I out of them."

"Hmm." I scratched my chin and put on a thoughtful face. "It never occurred to me that I was being used. Don't worry, I'm not so upset as to spread gossip that you're flirting with me."

Ino stroked the head of the young dear, attempting to suppress her grin. "If you're promoted to jounin, I won't mind if you flirt back to boost my reputation a few more steps higher than Sakura's."

"I don't flirt."

"You don't know how to."

"That's because flirting degrades a woman," I said. "If a man likes a woman, it's more proper to ask her out."

Ino put her hands on her hips and squinted, the corners of her lips curling upwards. "That's an even more clever idea! Get promoted to jounin and then ask me out!"

I rolled my eyes. "I never thought going out on a date with you will cost me my life first."

"Well…you're risking yours for Sakura…" Ino shrugged and mumbled, "Aren't I worth the same?"

I wrapped my arms around her. I would have admitted the flurry of longing that was burning in my bones, but the silhouette of the ANBU reappeared against the canopy, and he tapped his wrist. Ino's time had run out. "You have to go now," I whispered in her ear.

She circled her arm around my shoulders and patted them. "I know."

Neither of us let go.

"It's funny how you only realize a person's significance when, everyday, you're on the brink of losing him."

"Stop talking like that," I breathed. "Things will go back to normal. Hey, you've lost weight."

"I did?"

"A lot."

She pecked my cheek and pulled away with a grin. "Make sure to give Sakura a hint that I'm getting more gorgeous by the hour, okay? Bye, Shikamaru."

I signaled for the group of does to escort her out of the forest. She passed by me, her scent clinging to the air as evidence of her presence, and turned around again. "Before I forget-"

I stiffened. My heart drummed in my ears. "What is it?"

"Naruto was thrown in a cell last night," she said. "Captain Yamato is guarding him. When Lady Tsunade asked for an explanation, Kakashi said it was Sai who told Naruto about your argument with Sakura. Sai probably got scolded, but he deserved it. He really didn't have to tell that to Naruto, did he? If he wasn't stuck in the hospital still, I wouldn't be so sympathetic as to spare him from a good beating."

I smirked. "He should thank Ryo for the battle, else he'd be dead by now."

"Right!" She laughed. "Bye, Shikamaru. Take care, and think about your promotion!"

I lifted my hand and made a lousy wave behind me. "Save me a room in the hospital!"

"Already did!"

Again, I closed my eyes and listened to her footsteps vanish. In a matter of seconds, I was alone again, but I reminded myself that I had no right to complain. Shinobis had no such luxury, even when it was our only link to humanity.

"That's not such a good idea."

I tipped my head back and stared at the silhouette descending on the branches of the Black Oak. "Are you even allowed to speak to me?" I asked.

The ANBU sat on a curved branch and swung her legs back and forth. "High and mighty, aren't you?"

"More like cautious," I said. "I always speculated that ANBUs don't talk to the people they're protecting."

"An exception can be justified by necessity."

I arched my brow. "Necessity?"

She jumped down, the apron-like skirt around her waist fluttering. "You are smitten by Ino Yamanaka."

My chest tightened, and I barely stopped myself from frowning. "And again, I thought ANBUs steered clear of other's personal business."

She remained motionless for a minute, the bareness of her mask reinforcing her mystique. Finally, she said, "Actually, this is a favor from a good friend of mine. I can't say his name, but I'm sure you know him. He's a man who wears a mask to cover half of his face and uses his forehead protector to shield his sharingan."

"This is a challenge…is it Genma? No, must be Kakashi."

"Good guess," she cooed. "To the point here. That girl, Ino, shares your affections, sweetheart, but you have to forget about her for now."

"Excuse me?"

"My friend and I agree on this matter: the rebirth is getting worse, and now more than ever, you have to keep your eyes solely on Sakura Haruno."

"I've met with Ino once, and it's not like we're stealing kisses," I said. "We're friends. She reminds me of what I'm fighting for."

The ANBU shook her head slowly. "Be truthful and logical, Shikamaru. You're pressured when you're in the house with Sakura, and because of her, you've been commanded to live in an uncertain amount of days estranged from your friends and family – almost as if in exile. You pretend to be an acquaintance's husband for the sake of protecting her, but as you said to Ino, you aren't even aware of what's truly happening this very moment."

"ANBUs eavesdrop – thank you for sharing that fact."

"You sometimes think you'll go insane." She stepped forward, coming face to face with me, and lowered her voice. "The image of Ino leaving the forest will continually loop in your thoughts, and one of these days, you'll realize you're angry at Sakura."

"How can I be? This is my fault."

"She's morphing into an unknown, uncontrollable creature, and because of her, you have to face the challenges of this exile."

"I have no right to be angry at her."

"No, Shikamaru, you don't have any right to be angry at her. You're right," she said, quietly. The hollow concave of her mask that marked her eyes glistened. "And so am I. Learn to control your emotions. When this mission has concluded, then you may think of your life back in Konoha, but while you're in this, keep your focus on what's at stake. You may lose a girlfriend, a job, a promotion…but Sai and Sakura are losing their lives. I'm telling you this because my friend cares that once this is over, you don't regret one moment of it."

"Sai's not affected by the rebirth," I countered. "At least, no one knows yet. And I'm not…I'm not heading in that direction."

"You're clever, you're talented, but you're young, Shikamaru."

A wan chuckle gurgled in my throat. "It's not an excuse to be unprofessional. I won't put myself before Sakura."

The ANBU adjusted her mask, almost as though removing it, but it never left her face. "I hope you heard yourself."

I lowered my head and turned around. There was something I had to say. I couldn't muster the courage to blurt it out.

Her presence disappeared from behind me, but she lingered around the canopy, surely watching me from above. "They made a miscalculation when they set you up here to pursue this mission."

I put my hand over my mouth. I dropped it to my side again. "What?"

Her chakra diminished.

I dared to look up and see if she had abandoned me.

"They leave children like you with no one to talk to, with no counsel to consider, and no councilors to listen to," she sang, as softly as the birds did. "I'll be around whenever you're uncertain."

I swallowed, and then I blurted, "Thanks…anyway."

"Tell my good friend I did my job."

Our conversation lurked in my mind as I found my way back to the house. It wasn't any of her business, and so was it Kakashi's, but I wasn't so childish as to admit there was not a hint of truth to their accusations. Last night, while I leaned against the cabinet and twirled my quilts with my toes to keep myself awake, as I watched Sakura's eyes flutter close and then shoot open again, the murmurs of my conscience told me that I was misplaced. Beside her was not where I wanted to be, but want was no match for need. An exchange had taken place in my head then, between her and me.

I imagined myself confessing the rebirth to her, and she would realize I was not Sasuke or Ryo, and she would, by some miracle, be able to suppress Kana's voice in her head. This would end. I would go home to see mum and enjoy her burnt toasts. Choji and I would spend away in our favourite barbeque stand. Ino and I would stay the night in Kurenai's to make sure she never forgot she had us.

Sometimes I would look at the door and see a bright light – an escape. I would stand and attempt to walk to it, but then hands would grip my ankles, weighing me in place. I would look down and see Sakura, and she would tell me that I couldn't leave her. "Not yet," I would reply. "Not just yet. But I will."

I stopped in front of the pathway leading to the front door of the house. Lying on the steps with my blue quilt wrapped around her body was Sakura. I walked towards her, each step closer making clearer the blue and yellow lines around her eyes, so loud against the paleness of her cheeks. I inched myself down and fell on my butt with a grunt. Sakura stirred, her fingers loosening on the seams of the quilt. I brushed her hair over her ears, but when the redness would not subside, I put my hands over them.

Sakura sneezed, and she opened her eyes a fraction. Green pupils quivered and then focused on me. She smuggled a note from her pocket. "Said you'd be gone for only fifteen minutes. It's quarter to seven, liar. Did the box escape?"

I took the paper from her and crumpled it. "It was a damn fast sprinter."

"Must've been troublesome."

"Quite."

Sakura grinned. I leaned in for her morning kiss. This time she didn't turn her head to present her cheek. She met my lips with hers and only broke free when she had to sneeze again.

I hauled her to a sitting position. The kiss tasted bland but reassuring, enough to encourage me to smile at her. "For all that clever talk about perfect regeneration, you didn't realize you'd catch a cold by waiting for me outside?"

She sank deeper into the layers of quilts. "A cold is nothing to what Naruto put you through. Sorry I was too pissed off to talk to you after what happened. It's just that…I didn't know what to say. I'm so ashamed of it."

Why were you so ashamed? Maybe because you had been going through hell to bring me back from Orochimaru's clutches, only to have one of Team Seven threaten my life? I didn't mind, Sakura. How could I? I wasn't Sasuke.

Biting off my gloves, I told her to put out her hands and hold mine. She breathed in our hands and rubbed them together, whispering, "It's so hard, isn't it?"

I stared at her, and the girl I saw was Ino, weeping in the forest. "What is?"

"Can we go back to Konoha now?" she said, almost choking. "We can finish the map there, can't we? I need to talk to Naruto. Both of us have to, actually."

"Lady Tsunade will notify us when we can leave," I said. "They're making sure we don't cause trouble for Konoha, being targets and all. I think there's more to the program than they're telling us, but in the meantime, while we're in the forest, all we can do is trust them."

A long sigh escaped her. "Fuck. Is winter coming?"

I glimpsed the grass on the meadow, noticing their withered tips only now. "Fuck. It is."

She threw me a suspicious look. "Why do _you_ hate winter?"

"My bones are brittle – highly sensitive to cold. You?"

"Well, aside from it was the season you left… _me_ …" She tipped her head from side to side, as if weighing something in her mind. "It was also a day like this when I found you cheating on me with another girl who's not as pretty as I am."

My my thoughts flew to Ino and to the ANBU who had confronted me. The possibility of Sakura witnessing everything froze me to my core.

She giggled. "Defend yourself or else I will start thinking you did cheat on me."

"C-cheat on y-you?" I spat. "H-how can I? D-do – do you think I did?"

She laughed aloud, slapping her knees and shaking her head.

"Can you stop fooling around with me?"

Sakura's smile disappeared. She wrapped her arms around herself. "I was just kidding. You don't have to shout at me."

I hunched low and scratched my brows. The ANBU's warning rang in my ears.

"Sorry."

"It's okay."

"Let's get to work. The sooner we finish the map, the sooner we leave, I think."

She gathered the quilt around her and stood. "You didn't cheat on me, as far as I know."

"I didn't." I said, louder than I wanted to.

She pouted. "Fine."

"Look," I rose to my feet and stopped her from entering the house. "I…I left, but it doesn't mean I'll do it again. And besides, I don't have any reason to cheat on you."

She turned around, slowly, and she bit her lower lip.

"Sakura…"

She used her shoulder to open the front door. "Thanks, Shikamaru."

I let go of her arm. She dragged herself across the corridor and turned to the staircase. The end of the quilt got hooked on chip on the floorboard. She tugged at it, but it would not break free. I entered the house, kicked the door close behind me, and unhooked the quilt. I heard her mutter a quick 'thank you', followed by the creaking of the stairs.

I waited for some thirty minutes to pass before following her into the bedroom to change my clothes. By the time I entered, she was already showered and dressed in her usual long sleeves and brown skirt. She paused from rubbing the towel against her hair to glance at me. I sat behind her and squeezed the tips of her hair with the towel. I didn't want to hate this girl. None of these was her fault.

"I'm hungry," I said.

"Put up the scrolls again while I cook breakfast."

"Won't you have a hard time with the wreck we made at the kitchen?"

She pointed at the floor. "Grab my socks for me."

I bent down and picked up a pair of discarded, black socks. Sakura turned around and stretched her legs on my lap. I looked at her, long and hard, and she only looked back. Finding the opening of the sock, I inserted her foot in it and rolled it up her leg. When she opened her mouth, I thought she was going to ask why I had put down the scrolls, but instead she said, "I was waiting for you outside because I knew you'd come back, and I wanted to see you from the distance. The last time I waited…it's just that you didn't come home. So…"

I squeezed her bare toes to warm them before covering them. "I'm not going anywhere. The box just got me pretty occupied."

"I know."

We sat in silence. I continued squeezing her toes to make sure they were warm. "By the way, an ANBU talked to me while I was probing the box."

"They're allowed to talk to us?"

"Apparently," I said with a sly smirk. It appeared I wasn't the only one who thought it surprising that ANBUs interacted with normal shinobis like us. "She said Kakashi wanted to relay to me some explanation to Naruto's behavior. It was Sai who told him about our argument."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. Not that I have anything against Sai. He's somewhat clueless about socializing."

"No, it's not that," she said. "Sai would never have done such a thing. He cares about Naruto, and no matter his cluelessness about socializing, custom, or common courtesy, he would never have mentioned it, knowing it would only upset Naruto. Well, I hope he wouldn't! Naruto's the closest he has to a brother."

The certainty in her elocution made me smile. She was still Sakura, although she was dwindling. There was no telling how much longer I could keep this up. Attempting to identify which girl I was speaking to - Sakura or Kana – and doing my best to please both. Sometimes I felt I didn't even know myself anymore. "Maybe it slipped?" I said. "I'm sure he didn't intend to cause trouble."

"That Sai!" She tossed her legs off my lap and searched for her shoes. "He'll get a good punch on the nose once I see him! Maybe the pain will ooze some normalcy into his system!"

I flung her towel over my shoulder and walked to the door. "I'll put this out to dry, okay? And I might as well help you fix the floor. Dad will kill me if I don't…"

"That's awfully industrious of you."

"If we don't do a good job, Michio's ghost will keep as awake another night."

Once I was standing in the middle of the kitchen again, I had no doubt Michio would haunt the halls of this house tonight. The table lay beside the entrance to the scullery, broken in half. I hopped around the protruding panels of wood Sakura had upturned with graceless stomping right after the ANBUs had escorted Naruto out. I had shivered upon noticing the burn of her chakra, and when I looked up from the corner I had chosen to sulk in, the panels had cracked. I tried to tell her, but by the time she noticed me, her destructive force had done its job.

I slipped through the gap of the sliding doors and slowed to a halt.

Sitting above the toolbox was a familiar green frog. The wide eyes and pink, oblong cheeks daunted me as I approached it.

Oh. I held it up with the nails of my thumb and forefinger. "Gama-chan."

Naruto must be in despair right now, leaving his childhood friend in the last place the Hokage would allow him to enter. I tucked it in my pocket and felt something crumple inside it. Curious, I opened the wallet and saw a folded piece of paper. It was too small to be an Ichiraku Ramen coupon. I sat on a barrel and read the note.

 _Shikamaru, sorry for the fright, but I don't know how else to deliver the message. Sai is experiencing the rebirth of Ryo. I just thought you should know despite the Hokage and the rest thinking otherwise. Whatever happens, I've got your back. I still trust you to keep Sakura safe, so don't mess up! – Naruto Uzumaki._

I leaned back and hit the wall.

Ino withheld the truth from me. No one intended for me to find out.

I closed my eyes and dug my nails on my scalp. In the darkness, I awoke in the memory of the mission, minutes after the sharpness of Sakura's voice had abated, and I could not stop her from pursuing Kana's rescue alone. I had spun around to search for Sai, but he was already standing in the same room, grimacing at me. He looked like a ghost, the ones children feared they would meet in the attics of their houses, or snow, like the ones Choji and I left in the back lawn of his house…covered in darkness, yet visible.

He told me never to say those words in front of Naruto, and he made sure I understood just how important Sasuke was to Team Seven.

"Shikamaru! Care to fix the table first?" Sakura hollered from the kitchen.

I performed a hand seal to burn the note. Once the wind passed and carried the ashes with it, I hid Gama-chan in my pocket and lied to Sakura about needing a bath first. She huffed and mumbled, 'as expected', before carrying on with slicing the ham.

Once in the living room, I tore a paper in half and wrote in the most legible manner I could under such stress: _Got the message, Naruto. Tell them immediately that the rebirth could have already affected Sai more than the physical is showing. Otherwise, why would he tell you about my insulting Sakura? You know him better than I do, Naruto. At least make sure it's still him. Knowing now that he's experiencing the rebirth makes it sound like he manipulated you into getting mad at me enough to cripple me, if not finish me off. Since they're not telling me, they don't trust me. Better they hear it from you. – Shikamaru_

I put down a picture frame from the wall and pulled out the nail. Folding the paper around it, I took a step back and performed a concealing jutsu. Beneath the white mist, the note and the nail had transformed into a silver coin. I pitched it inside Gama-chan, climbed the roof, and signaled an ANBU to meet me.

A male ANBU with an ox mask appeared. "You called?"

I showed him Gama-chan. "Naruto left this behind yesterday. He'd be lost without this. Care to drop it off to his apartment?"

"Once my shift is over." He inspected the wallet and then disappeared into a cloud of smoke.

Smoke. What I wouldn't give to get the chance to talk to Asuma and ask what he thought of me now.


	21. Chapter Twenty

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **A/N:** Gustin Puckerman, your enthusiasm for this fanfiction is an inspiration. I'd like to appease your worries about this straying from its classification as a ShikaSaku fic, but I can't accomplish that without spoiling the entire story for you (although this message is enough of a hint, I suppose).

For the rest of those who reviews, favorites, and adds MTMKMSMH on their alerts, you have my gratitude also. It's always nice to know what you think of how the story is progressing.

* * *

 **Twenty**

 **Tsunade**

"The human body is funny," Shizune said.

I pulled the blanket over Sai's toes, but the image of them lingered in my thoughts. They were so pale and lifeless…useless, even. "The human body manufactures the shell of the infant that grows to be our mothers, our fathers, our brothers, our sisters, and our friends. The human body grows, and the human body heals. The human body does its best to survive the most fatal of injuries…but the human body that belongs to Sai and Sakura cannot perform the simple task of filtering the rebirth virus." I scoffed, and I rubbed Sai's leg to give it warmth. "It's such an ugly betrayal."

Shizune lifted her head to look behind me.

I turned around, surprised to find Shikaku standing at the corner, eying Sai. I had not felt his presence at all. He had no reason to disguise his chakra, so it only meant my mental and physical state had been debilitated to the point of vulnerability.

"I am assuming the blood transfusion went well?" he said just above the beeping of the two machines attached to Sai.

I noticed the twitching of his bandaged right hand, but I did not remark on it. Isas informed me before the surgery that Shikaku and his team had yet to sleep for the last forty-two hours. When questioned why, he answered something about the reconstruction of the rebirth jutsu requiring active appliance in order for the observing specialists to see the defects in the script they were using.

I sighed, realizing the obsolete presence of his chakra was far from intentional, and I said, "Extracting the infected blood was the hard part – the rest was a piece of cake. Now we just wait and see if his body will respond or react to our treatment."

Shikaku approached the bed and gripped the metal foot board. "What are the chances that he'll react?"

"I don't know," I confessed. "The rebirth virus is unpredictable."

"If he does respond," Shizune interjected in a lively tune, "we can proceed to step two, which is to induce Sai with multiple sclerosis."

Shikaku opened and closed his mouth. He stroked his beard. "If these things go smoothly for Sai, when can we proceed to apply the treatment on Sakura Haruno?"

"On step three." My voice strengthened at the mention of her name. "Shikamaru will have to be by her side every step of the treatment, but I think he can cope better with you around to encourage him. By the way, have the ANBU sentries in your forest reported on Sakura's behavior? How are the two of them?"

Shizune paused from arranging the curl of the tube around Sai's arm. "Kakashi said Naruto was in contact with them for a maximum of five minutes, so unless he screamed the truth of the rebirth to Sakura, I'm guessing no real damage was done."

I frowned at her. Since Naruto was thrown into a prison cell last evening, Shizune had been doing her utmost best in suppressing the real severity of the matter. Having known her all my life kept me from getting angry at her unending blabber in an effort to calm me, but I was surprised that she could be so mindful of me even in her fatigued state.

Instead of being sarcastic, I thanked her, and repeated the question to Shikaku.

"They reported that Shikamaru and Sakura had been too quiet last night," he said. "In the morning, Ino met with Shikamaru in the forest-"

" _Ino_?" My brain awakened, and I turned to face him completely. "She met him in the forest? Without _my_ permission?"

He cleared his throat, and the twitching of his hand worsened. "With my permission, milady. The pressure of last night's incident could cloud Shikamaru's judgment, hence I sent Ino there with a request to have him confide in her. Forgive me for taking liberties. I saw no harm in my son having a quick interaction with a person aside from Sakura."

"You think I would not have allowed it if you asked?"

"You are anything but cruel, milady."

My brows furrowed deep. "Stop covering for Ino. Tell me what they talked about. Did she tell him about Sai? _Well_?"

"…No, ma'am. She came there to be a confidant."

"What did she say, Shikaku?"

"She assured him we are on our way to finding a solution."

"You're not sure!"

"The ANBU took note of their conversation if you will not believe me, milady."

I marched past him and spread the division apart, but I did not pass through. Suddenly, I was shaking, and I could not decide if it was anger or confusion that hollowed me inside. "You do not enter the forest, perform an experiment, or make a crucial decision without my fucking permission!"

The air behind me stilled, and I took that as a queue to leave.

I did not know where I was going, but my feet led me to a destination. My hopes willed that destination to be far away and dark – somewhere I could be alone to think.

" _I'm still in control_ ," I mumbled to myself while I hastened past the doctors, nurses, and patients, past the glass double doors of the hospital, past the Hokage Tower, past the Academy, and past my varying reflections on the windows of the Intelligence Department.

"I'm still in control." Motioning to the sentry of the underground prison cells, I stomped past the gates and entered the descending staircase. The words would not leave my mouth. My feet led me left, another left, and then a right.

I stopped mumbling, then, because the eerie coldness dried the moisture of my tongue. The flames of the torches played with my shadow on the cracked pavement. My silhouette against the orange illumination of the torchlight cut my head in half, and for seconds long, I wondered if I was a woman with two heads.

Another shadow from the corridor ahead overlapped mine. The glimmer of his head ornament helped me recognize him. "Yamato," I called.

He bowed his head. "Fifth! I was not told you would visit."

"How is Naruto?"

Yamato hastened to my side and whispered, "The Nine-Tails never threatened to come out. Naruto has been calm the whole time he's been locked here."

"Is that good?"

He hesitated. "He may be upset."

"He should be."

"This is unusual of him."

"He's eating, isn't he?"

"Cleans the tray with his tongue."

We stopped in front of his cell, and I ordered Yamato to leave us alone. Once he was up the spiral staircase, I put my hands on my hips. "You've learned your lesson, I hope."

Naruto stirred on the thin mattress, but that was all.

"What a surprise," I cooed. "This is the first time you've got nothing to say to me. I warn you, if I spit you a needle and you turn out to be a shadow clone, you'll have no – "

Naruto waved his hand. "This is me, grandma. And can you lower your voice? Someone's trying to sleep here."

His cockiness, no matter how slight, relieved me. I smiled and turned on my heels, ready to leave.

"One of the first things Sakura told me when I came back to Konoha was that you're the coolest woman she ever met, and one day, if she worked hard enough, she might just come close to becoming like you."

My shoulders slumped, feeling the exhaustion now more than ever with the memories of a younger Sakura serving me my paperwork. Failing this case would mean destroying a brilliant spirit, and I had destroyed too many of them in my life. I shut my eyes and massaged my forehead. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Shikamaru probably thinks the same way about Mr. Nara, doesn't he?

"Honestly?" I said, " They're not completely in a truce, but they've got plenty of time to figure it out."

Naruto rolled on his back, and he spread his arms sideways. The blue of his eyes gleamed and winked, and it was so easy to identify the intensity they held, even in this gloom. "I keep thinking…that if I was the one in Shikamaru's shoes, perhaps I can do better.

"Is that why you assaulted them? Because of an inkling that you can do better?

"Because I know Sakura, and I think it's important that we don't take that away from her.

I reached forward and clutched one of the metal bars. "What are you talking about, Naruto?

"She mistook Shikamaru for Sasuke…"he drifted to silence. He folded his legs up and tucked his left arm beneath his head. " I keep wondering if I had been the one there, if I had been the one present to remind her of who she is, then maybe we can stop this.

This statement hinted me that this was going to be a lengthy conversation. I sat cross-legged on the cement, ignoring the rough edges that pricked my thighs. "Rebirth doesn't really depend on persuasion, Naruto. The formula is designed in science and chakra, therefore it should be resolved by science and chakra, too.

"Wouldn't it be easier, grandma, if I was right?" He rolled on his side now, and his vibrant eyes found mine. "I know you'd hate to lose Sakura."

"Well, I hope otherwise," I shrugged one shoulder. "That would be quite a challenging theory to work with. It would be like forcing a plain to grow into a mountain."

"You're a snoot!"

I leaned forward to enable him to see the gravity of my frown. "I'm serious, Naruto. Sakura has you to persuade her, but who does Sai have? If you are correct, then we lose every chance of saving Sai."

"Me, Captain Yamato, Sakura, Kakashi-"

"None of you know him deep enough, but that was a good theory, Naruto." I didn't want to continue with this. Of all the conversations I have exchanged with him, the last I expected him to make me feel was maternal. "If you were right, I'd cuff you with Sakura so you never leave her, but as it is, all I can promise you is the moment you step inside the Nara Forest again, I will break your legs enough that even the Nine-tails will have trouble healing you."

"You can't do that!" he growled.

I held the base of my back while I stood, careful. "Trust me, I-

"Is trust _enough_ , grandma?

His question made me forget about my backache. He was now sitting up and staring at me like my brother used to when he asked whether mother and father would be coming home soon. I looked away before sadness morphed Naruto's face into my brother's, and I would not be able to help myself but cry. "I'm not going to beg you to trust me, if that's what you want for retribution for my lecturing last night," I muttered. "But you don't really have any choice. I'm going to correct this with or without anybody's trust. I know what I'm doing."

Through the corner of my eye, I saw Jiraiya behind me. I dawdled in place, uncertain whether it would be best to leave or to accost him for Naruto's behavior. They were so alike that I knew losing him would best explain what Naruto would feel if he ever lost Sakura.

I understood Naruto's stupidity, but it did not justify the fact that it was stupid.

"Pervy sage!" He bounced from the mattress and clung to the metal bars. "Took you long enough to get back here!"

"So," Jiraiya said, "You've been busy."

"I've been stuck here for decades thanks to grandma!"

"I'm not talking to you, kid. Tsunade?"

His tone implied an unspoken knowledge of my activities, and I chose not to face him. "Stay out of it, Jiraiya, and mind your student instead. He starts training tomorrow."

Naruto punched the air, grinning. "Yeah!"

Jiraiya sucked in air through his nose and exhaled noisily. "Whatever you say, Tsunade. But don't forget…ah, you all ready know what I want to say. Go on, I know you're itching to get away from me."

I patted his arm blindly and proceeded to climb the spiral staircase. Midway, I heard Naruto ask what Jiraiya meant, but he ignored him and lectured him about my thinning physique. The last I was able to pick up in their argument was, "I told you to take care of her!"

So that was the reason Naruto had been forcing me to eat more.

I smiled at this, and decided this one remark bought him a twenty-four-hour delay from getting his cheekbones broken.

I spent the rest of the day watching over Sai in his containment area, updating his prognosis in an hourly basis. Sometimes, I would catch him mumbling in his sleep, and I would rub his knuckles, and he would return to his drug-induced placidity.

I must have dozed off, because I found myself in a field of endless grass, kneeling beside Naruto, pressing my ears against his chest, and hearing nothing. I recalled this scene being the time Jiraiya and I fought Orochimaru again after so long. This was the day and this was the way Naruto persuaded me to inhibit the role of Hokage.

The moment seemed to stop then. My body failed to move, and the fear in my bloodstream personified Orochimaru. Fear snaked around my legs, climbed my thighs, encircled my waist. It squeezed until bile came up my throat.

I blinked and the body beneath my ear was not of Naruto's but of a baby. Fear was all I heard, and it said that my son was dead. His spirit had departed. His body was a waste.

But... my son never even came to be.

Black engulfed the dream; the crippling facts it presented clung to me only with a monotonous beep. A straight, green line flashed in my eyes, and when my sight cleared, I recognized the monitoring machine.

The division parted, and Kazuo yelled for Isas. "Prepare to resuscitate him!"

I scraped my chair back and jumped to my feet. Isas was suddenly beside me, steadying me. "Stand aside, Lady Tsunade. You're not in a condition to-"

"Press harder!" I shrieked at Kazuo, and after he reached the fifteenth pump, I tipped Sai's head back and breathed into his mouth.

"Anything?"

"Nothing!"

"Use the machine!"

"No!" I hollered at Isas. "The electric shock will only make the virus stronger!"

Kazuo listened to Sai's heart, paused, and hissed, "Nothing."

"Stand back." I slipped off my robe and pressed the tips of my fingers on his chest, inches above his heart. The chakra cut through his flesh, and blood spilled sideways. Isas put an oxygen mask on him and pumped the air sac.

Hovering my left hand over the incision, I estimated the depth my chakra had cut through and used it as a guide for my right hand. I inhaled with my nose and exhaled with my mouth. Steadiness was the key. My chakra touched his rib at last. I concentrated it on the flesh of my fingers for accuracy, and used physical force in breaking his rib cage.

"How many minutes?"

"Two."

Isas wiped my forehad. Kazuo held Sai's chest apart. I reached inside, seized his heart, and massaged it with subtle force.

"Three minutes, Lady Tsunade!"

"Shut up!" Panting, I continued to massage. My free hand brushed back Sai's hair, and I whispered, "Beat. Beat. Beat. Stay alive, Sai…. _please_."

The beeping fell and rose. I gasped at the machine, disbelieving the zigzag of the green line.

"He's back!" Kazuo announced.

Shizune stepped through the division with her understudy, Ayano. "We'll take it from here, Lady Tsunade. Ayano, start by reconnecting his rib cage. Isas, help the Hokage out of here. She needs to rest."

I stepped back with blood dripping from my hands. "I-I-I'll stay. I'll stay! I need to make sure he doesn't die again!"

Nobody paid me any attention. Shizune rounded the bed and assisted Ayano in stitching Sai's flesh. "Good, but you have to balance your chakra there until the skin is pink. No, no, Ayano, don't stress your chakra on one point only. There. Good. Balance, Ayano, balance."

Kazuo inserted the air tubes inside Sai's nostrils. Done, he glanced my way. "Let's clean your hands, milady."

Isas picked up my robe and draped it over my shoulders. Kazuo scoured my hands with his lab coat. "You did very well, Lady Hokage. You deserve rest. Miss Shizune and I will be around, and Isas will alert you if something bad happens to Sai again. Will that be okay with you, ma'am?"

Blood traced the lines on my palms. Blotches of red decorated my nails.

Isas prodded me forward. We waddled to the door of the containment area, and if not for Isas' hands around my waist and arm, I would have long hit the floor.

The next moment that I was fully aware, I was already sitting on my chair, inside my office, and Jiraiya was releasing the seals of the scrolls on my desk. A candle burned in the middle of my desk. I pushed my body up from my chair, and the blanket slipped to my lap.

Jiraiya peered at me. "Before you say anything, I met you and your medic assistant halfway the tunnel leading out of the containment areas, and I tactically maneuvered you back here without being seen by any of your underlings, so rest assured, no one will ask why you look and smell as horrible as a poop storm." He sat on a stool, and his energy slumped into melancholy. "And no, you don't smell like a poop storm anymore because Shizune came back here to clean you."

My face heated. "You didn't-!"

He rolled his eyes. "Shizune kicked me out! When I came back, you were fully dressed! Happy?"

I glimpsed the red kimono. A little of my cleavage showed. "You swear you didn't take advantage of me while I was unconscious?"

"You'd break my neck even if I didn't."

"True."

His eyes lingered on mine for several, wordless moments. "Will you explain to me why Naruto pursued Shikamaru and Sakura in that forest or can I just jump to the conclusion that you're dealing with something along the lines of a rebirth, and this thing is getting out of control?"

"It's in my perfect control, Jiraiya," I said. "Where's Naruto?"

"Sleeping like the dead."

Swinging my chair around, I saw the moon was descending to the west. It was already early morning. A bite of winter came with the breeze. Snow would fall but it wouldn't stay. The Fire Country was too hot and alive to tolerate winter longer than ten days. "I don't need your sardonic jokes today, okay? Sai nearly died for good, and Sakura's still suffering from the rebirth. When this is over, then you can come back and say what you want. Just-just not now…not now."

"Tsunade, you have to reveal the situation to the elders as soon as possible."

"I don't have time for your jokes."

"This kind of threat requires the effort of more than a handful of inexperienced shinobis."

I burst into laughter. "You fucking sound like you never knew Akiyoshi! I don't know what disgusts me more, the fact that you're here telling me to offer Sai and Sakura into their execution, or your bullshit about obeying protocol!"

Jiraiya grabbed the backrest of my chair and leaned down. His nose pressed against my temple, and his breath warmed the inside of my left ear. "You're the Hokage now, and no matter what the elders say, you can choose what action is befitting this rebirth conundrum of yours, do you hear? Yes, by laying those children under the spotlight, you're risking opposition and a lot more stress, but at the same time, you'll gain the advantage of having real medical experts participate in curing them!"

I held my forehead. "You _know_ they will prioritize Konoha's gains through this medical breakthrough than actually let them get better! You know they'll want to get every fact about that rebirth virus even if it means killing Sakura and Sai! I've been here before, Jiraiya, or have you miraculously forgotten? I've probed a child for the sake of research – I've followed orders from above – and the child died! Akiyoshi fucking died, Jiraiya! He died when I could have let him live!"

"You can make that choice now!" He slammed his fist on my desk again and again. "Don't you see this?" he motioned to the room. "Haven't it sunk into your skull yet? If anyone has the right to decide their future, it you! It's you, Tsunade! Don't you understand?"

"My power is not of a dictator! If Sakura and Sai are not halfway to recovery when the elders find out, they will conclude that those children are threats, and the majority will side with them, not with _me_!"

"But who is more credible?" he snarled. "You're the only one in the Fire Country who have the skills needed to define this rebirth! Your judgment is more accurate than all of Konoha's medical experts combined!"

I clutched my hair, digging my nails into my scalp. "Why won't you listen to me?"

"I'm listening!"

"I have a temporary solution to stop Sai's pathways from altering into Ryo's! This is the reason I'm so confident we don't have to include politics in this right away! First, we remove Sai's blood slowly and replace it with clean blood to help the victim to fight the virus. The second step will be to induce multiple sclerosis in the victim to disable the axons from commanding the organs to accept the virus – and if Sai does well after his first blood transfusion, then we _will_ induce him with multiple sclerosis. The third step will be another round of blood transfusions, and lastly we will surgically revert his pathways to its original design and heal the damaged organs and capillaries!" I opened my medical notebooks and flung them across my desk for him to see. "I can cure them first!"

"A rebirth is the most unpredictable jutsu, Tsunade," he said. "And if your plan is going as smoothly as you claim it is, why is it that when I asked that short, hairy medic-"

"Isas."

"-Isas, why you were so dazed coming out from one of the containment cells, he answered that Sai's heart had stopped beating? And I believe he just came out of his first round of blood transfusion!"

I snatched the nearest scroll and pitched it at him. Jiraiya evaded by sidestepping, and it bounced from the door. "We're not children anymore!" he bellowed. "Stop throwing things at me, for goodness sake!"

The paper rolled to Jiraiya's feet.

I snatched three more scrolls. "This isn't a child's game! A child can't throw and suddenly kill her playmate, can she?"

"You-!" he closed his mouth and returned his gaze to the scroll. He knelt down and traced the script with his fingers.

"What?" I barked.

He lifted his hand to stop me. "Tsunade, is this the basic design of the rebirth?"

Stomping my way to the center of the room, I waved the candlelight above the script and said, "Yes, that's what Shikaku and his team have successfully concluded thus far. Why?"

He sat on the floor with a defeated sigh. "Tsunade, promise me you won't murder me just yet."

"What the hell, Jiraiya?"

"The design," he whispered as his palm ran back and fro the length of the scroll. "This design is similar to the one Orochimaru and Kabuto were painting on a dead body during our last encounter."


	22. Chapter Twenty-One

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Twenty-One**

 **Shikamaru**

I was used to waking up in the middle of the night to check whether Sakura was still in bed. That night I woke up in time to catch her kicking her blankets off her legs and moving slowly across the room.

I still had that feeling like a hangover where everything I saw blended together to form a continuous image of blurred colours. I'd gotten rid of this pre-waking up sickness after seven or eight missions as a genin and countless experiences of nearly getting ambushed by enemies at night. My injuries, however, must still be screwing with my reflex. I only got to moan her name when she was by the door. And then I realized how badly the entire situation might've appeared to her, seeing me with my arm over my head and hand on my stomach, partly awake and _moaning_ her name.

I noticed her walk to the foot of my mattress and stare, perhaps trying to make out my face in the darkness.

I yawned and pulled myself up to sit. My body was so out of shape that it ached with the suddenness of the movement. "Where to?" I asked her.

"Downstairs. To get a glass of water." She hesitated before lowering herself to her knees and, after a moment, crawling across the mattress to sit beside me. "Bad dream. Well, not bad as in… _bad._ "

I nodded. My disheveled hair bobbed with my head. "Bad enough to wake you, though."

"Yeah."

I folded my legs up and rubbed my face with my hands. She touched my shoulder, apologetic for waking me, and I shook my head to assure her that I didn't mind having my sleep interrupted by her. Lately, we'd gotten ourselves accustomed to tacit communication. I suppose that happened naturally to people who live with only one person for an extended period of time. Apart from the mission, after all, we'd immediately been hauled into this house after a week in the ICU. I shouldn't have come as a surprise that it was getting easier and easier now to understand each other's actions, even the smallest and seemingly innocent ones.

I looked at her and wondered who thought the dream was bad. Sakura or Kana? How far gone was this girl? "Want to talk about it?" I asked.

She forced a smile, moving upwards to stand. "You can go back to sleep. I'll just get something to drink."

"Tell me about the dream."

"I'd rather not."

"All the more you should." Pulling her back down, I brushed her hair aside and put my hands on either side of her face. The faint blue illumination from the window overhead allowed me to see that her skin was pale and her eyes paler. "Are you alright? You don't look too well."

"Nightmares don't leave people with an after-glow."

"That bad?"

She lowered her gaze to the space between us.

"Hearing voices?" When she squirmed but wouldn't affirm it, I realized I was only adding to her stress. "Or are you still upset with my carpentry skills? I swear everybody who's been around Captain Yamato for too long-"

"It's not the carpentry." She chuckled. She reached up to scrape the dried drool mark on my chin with her thumb nail. "You look anything but smart right now. I'm not sure if I should be honest with you."

"So it _is_ me," I said.

"Actually, it's you and me."

I helped her in scraping off my dried drool. She was a medic - perhaps she didn't see it as anything disgusting - but to a man it felt rather discomforting to be treated like a little boy who couldn't look after himself. "That's fair. What about you and me?"

She turned her head so she was facing the wall behind me. Moments passed and all I heard from her was her breathing, and in spite of the anxiety that made me want to break her silence, I waited.

I remembered the ANBU and asked myself again whether she was correct and I could end up disliking Sakura so much that I'd screw up this mission. In her silence, though, I felt I didn't really hate her. Dislike her. Perhaps all I felt was guilt because I couldn't think our way out of this one and only _she_ was paying the price for it. I'd never felt so torn between what was due me and what was due Konoha. Everything used to be so simple in the battlefield. Now was the best time to acknowledge the ANBU's wisdom.

I was young. And probably more stupid than the people around me were letting on.

"I was thinking about what Naruto did. Before I went to sleep I was thinking about him," she whispered. "And then I dreamt I was back in Konoha, walking beside him to have lunch at Ichiraku Ramen. I felt like another version of me and the dream was another version of my life. We were talking about our last mission and I was scolding him for always straying from the plan. Konoha was busier than usual but at the same time…sort of calm. It felt that way, at least. Hot, too. It must've been summer. I remember thinking in my dream that I should've worn something thinner or more comfortable to suit the weather. Funny, right? I was thinking in my dream about an illusionary weather. Anyway, we were close to Ichiraku Ramen when he spotted you."

Dream or memory? I nodded to urge her on. There was no telling what this was exactly, given that we often passed by one another especially when we were going back and fro the Hokage Tower.

She pouted and shrugged her shoulders. "We said hi to you and you said hi back and that was it. It was as if we weren't husband and wife – just acquaintances who occasionally work together. It was like another life entirely where you didn't leave me and I didn't hold anything against you. I remember feeling it was nice. That version of us three. It was nice."

Choose your words carefully, I told myself. It was in the wee hours of the morning for crying out loud. I was supposed to be resting, not wrestling with the enemy. I took a deep breath to gather my senses. I hated starting missions this way. "Nice to think we weren't husband and wife?" I asked with a wan smile.

"No, idiot!" She slapped my arm. "After yesterday, I just got to thinking it would've been easier on us if we just ended up together under more normal circumstances. Like if we met and dated and married like other couples would've. Without you leaving. Without me waiting. And without us trying to work this relationship out while saving Konoha at every turn."

"You mean if…we were just two average shinobis who so happen to fall in love with each other?"

Even through the dimness of the room, it was obvious she was blushing. "Like…maybe we can start over again? Forget everything that happened before today and just - don't know – give each other a break?"

I leaned back on my hands. "But I'm bruised."

"It's not as though I'm the only one who has a fault in this relationship!"

"No, I mean – " pointing at the bruise on my temple. " – the lamp? I'm physically bruised, so it's not going to be that easy on me."

"Oh please!" She turned my head and tucked my hair behind my ear to see it. "It's barely there!"

"It's dark here."

"It was an accident!"

"Fine, fine," I said, stifling a laugh. It was a source of comfort to see her riled up about petty matters like this one. So much like the old her. "How do you suppose we would've fallen for one another in another life? Do I save your life, realize I'm helplessly in love with you after our first date – what?"

"You don't read romance novels, do you? Because those options are cliché. And you won't be the first guy to save my life. I think that honour belongs to Kakashi."

I wrinkled my nose. "You don't have a crush on that old man, do you?"

"Gross! How can I have a crush on man twice as old as me and who only has one eye to account for his face?"

"You're the one who mentioned your teacher."

"I was stating a fact," she said. "And in another life, another fact that would've been persistent in our relationship is the number of times _I_ save _your_ life."

"Wait, if we're starting over again you have to play fair," I said. "You said you'll not hold grudges but you're making me sound incompetent."

"Your ego is getting in the way of our love story."

"My ego is saving our love story from sounding one-sided."

"You haven't even let me finish!" She scooted closer and rested her elbow on my knee. "I save your life in the hospital. You were badly beaten from a mission and Lady Tsunade entrusts you to me. And while I'm ordering medics around and doing my best to keep your heart beating, I start thinking how big of a loss you'd be to Konoha. Along the way I narrow my thoughts to how big of a loss you'd be to me. Without you, there'd be no one to help me support Naruto, no one to run to for rare medicinal herbs, no one to turn to in the battlefield for Plan B." Sakura drifted, her eyes fixed on her empty bed. She couldn't continue. She'd already covered the extent of our relationship outside of this mission, and it was evident how hard she was trying to add something more significant to the list.

To spare her the embarrassment. I said, "You save my life. You're successful in keeping me breathing. I wake up a couple of hours later to find you sitting on my bedside, reviewing my stats and glimpsing at the monitor because you have to see with your eyes that I haven't flat lined yet. And I think to myself, 'why is this girl with pretty pink hair bothering with me?'"

"I realize you're awake and I'm pissed off at you."

I laughed. "This is undoubtedly the most romantic story I've heard."

"Because I was always anxious whenever I saw you in the hospital," she said, embracing my knee, propping her chin on top of it. Her hand on my thigh made me stiffen. "I didn't want to go until I saw you with your eyes open and making calculations about your treatment, the mission, and what you'll report to the Hokage. We bicker a little and you say women are troublesome, but I'm glad anyway because you're nobody but yourself."

"And you're nobody but yourself, too."

She gave me a strange look but didn't pick up on the implication.

"Do you kiss me out of relief?" I asked.

"No."

"Punch me?"

"Almost, but I didn't want to damage your face further."

"Ha. Ha."

"Nothing very special happens," she said. "At least, not to me. But to you something does happen. You begin to appreciate my medical skills. You keep wondering why I bother with you. And after you're discharged, you start seeing me differently."

"And then?"

"It just starts from there. I'm not sure what happens next, exactly."

"For someone who reads romance novels, you're not too good with imagining your own love story."

"Okay then, how would you have courted me? That's the problem here. I'm not sure what you would've done for us to be together."

I gaped at her, realizing that something about this conversation was amiss. Certainly, I was speaking to Sakura. It was as though she'd woken up and left Kana sleeping inside her, unaware that her shell had already started her day. The inconsistency was alarming. I wasn't expecting to talk to Sakura – to _only_ Sakura – for this long and this clearly. No, not at this stage of the mission. But the manner in which she was referring to me, admitting her lack of knowledge about me and how a romantic relationship between us could come about, made me sure this was Sakura with only hint of Kana in her. I waited but she made no assumptions based on her knowledge of Sasuke and Ryo. So far she'd only mistaken me for her husband and the sins her husband did to her.

Nothing more?

I had to determine the safest route to take. Should I assume Ryo's identity, Sasuke's, or stick to my self?

"Make a guess," I told her. She retorted that I was stubborn, but I insisted that she guessed and every correct answer would earn her a minute of foot massage.

She perked at the mention of a foot massage and put her forefinger to her chin, thinking. "Judging by your laziness, I'll limit your chivalry to holding doors open for me and offering to help a little in some of my work. I'll probably shove the entire workload on you and you'll complain but if that's what it takes to spend more time with me, you'll be more than willing to lose a couple of hours of sleep."

Shit. Of course, Sasuke would never do that kind of thing. Ryo was probably not into being ordered around. She was definitely talking about me. I patted her ankle. "Alright, give me your foot."

"Now?" She beamed.

"Yeah, and if you get another one that's for tomorrow and the days after that. Only one a day, okay? Geez, since when did you know me so well?"

She wiggled backwards and stretched her leg towards me. She put her heel on my palm and thanked me in advance for a good job. I urged her to continue hypothesizing as I kneaded the thick skin of her sole, noting each thread of scar my thumb came across. I could only presume what kind of mission would injure her foot like this.

She tipped her head back and moaned in pleasure. "I'll definitely want this every night. Let's see…this thing with you helping me out with my workload becomes frequent and we get used to each other. People tease us but it will never crossed my mind that you could be doing it because you like me. After a week or so you'll work up the courage to ask me to dinner? And I'll put on this neutral face while I decide if it's a yes or a no."

I dropped her foot. "I'm disappointed."

"What?" She looked back and fro her foot and my face. "You won't ask me out to dinner? I think even Kiba would've had the decency to do that!"

"Would you have agreed?"

"Of course!"

I raised my brow. "You'll let me drag you out of the hospital and let you worry about work somewhere else? Somewhere you'll probably just end up telling me about a patient who'll need to have fluid sucked out of his lungs around the time your salad is served?"

Sakura scowled. She put both her feet up on my right thigh and folded her arms across her chest. "Alright, buddy, since you know me so well, what would you have done?"

Good question. Had I been infatuated with her and not Ino, what would I have done? Ino didn't worry as much about her patients as Sakura did, and I'd been successful in whisking her away – although always making it look as though she did the whisking – to a restaurant somewhere to chat. That was how I knew Sakura never agreed to go to dinner with anyone on a workday. Sometimes even when she was on her rest day, she'd be lingering in the hospital, checking on everybody for her peace of mind. It'd simply played in my mind that time – during one of the many times I had to listen to Ino blabber about Sakura - that there was one way to treat her to dinner if a guy really liked her.

Ino had been confused at the sudden turn of our conversation – as was I – but she encouraged me to voice my proposition.

"I'll bring dinner to you," I said, watching Sakura's reaction carefully. "You'll want a guy who appreciates how much you care for the people you're medicating. Buying dinner and bringing it to you in the hospital kind of shows that even if you don't eat it with me. I guess I won't mind. It should be enough to know you'll be ending the day with a satisfied stomach. You hate waking up because of an empty stomach, don't you?"

"…What?"

"Am I right?"

"Even Ino doesn't know that," she said. "I've never told anybody that before."

"Why not? It's common."

"For men, maybe."

"Eh?"

"It's embarrassing for a girl, Shikamaru! I turn into this ravenous monster first thing in the morning if I wake up hungry. You wouldn't want to know how I _seek_ food in that state. It's horrible!" She hid her face in her hands, muffling her groans.

I tried getting her hands off but she wouldn't budge. "It's not embarrassing, Sakura. C'mon, you'll suffocate if you keep that up."

"Nobody suffocates this way."

"I told you it's not embarrassing."

"You'll look at me differently."

"How can I? I've already seen you eat."

She gasped, her shame quickly replaced by annoyance, and shoved me. I caught her by the wrists and kept her hands planted on my chest. "There," I said. "Now you can see I'm not lying when I tell you that you're still pretty. You can weigh 250 pounds and still be pretty, okay?'

Sakura opened her mouth but didn't say anything. She tucked her legs beneath her, shifting closer to me in the process, and smiled at me. With our faces mere inches apart, I only had to inhale to catch a whiff of her scent. "250 pounds? No kidding?"

"Are we clear on that matter now?"I asked, my hand on her waist. Whether I did this to keep her at a safe distance or to make it easier to pull her closer, I wasn't sure anymore.

She dropped her smile. She merely stared into my eyes, as though trying to catch a lie but not finding any, and she leaned in to brush her nose against mine. "One last thing." she whispered. "How did you know? When did I tell you?"

Then I remembered. It hadn't been by chance that I'd proposed that idea of bringing her dinner in the hospital. I had already done so prior to my date with Ino.

I recalled being sent to Suna for diplomatic purposes and returning with a flu. It was minor but I had to be quarantined in case I'd caught something viral in the Sand Village. Shizune had transferred me under Sakura's care the soonest my test results came out and proved I wasn't a threat. Our encounters during the two weeks I stayed in her watch was nothing more than routine and polite. Not awkward, but none of our conversations or actions made it stand out from all the other times I'd been hospitalized.

What did make the memory notable was the day I was discharged. I caught Sakura in her medic uniform, making her rounds in a zoned-out state but still managing to scold at and laugh with her patients. I'd felt remorse then, perhaps because I knew I hadn't shown her enough gratitude for her efforts in getting me back in shape.

That evening I bought dinner for the two of us and delivered it to the hospital. I hadn't planned on eating mine with her, but she'd assumed otherwise and the rest was history. We stayed in the cafeteria, which only had five nurses, two recuperating shinobis, and the cook to keep the place alive.

Our conversation didn't follow any particular direction. First it was about Ino, which she kept on referring to as Pig, then about Asuma, Kurenai, our vague picture of life as a mom and as a dad and whether we'd be anything like our parents, and then about anything that popped into our minds.

Before I left, she'd commented on how guilty she felt about having eaten a heavy dinner. As I was preparing for her to accuse me of conspiring with Ino, she smiled that tired but sweet smile and said eating a lot was probably for the best since she hated waking up with an empty stomach.

I stared back at her now and considered what could've been had Ino not stolen my attention first. What could have been if the two average shinobis we were prior the mission with Kana were fated to fall in love? A harmless kind of love? One where neither of us would end up hating each other even after the universe laid the truth at our feet?

I moved my head back so I could look into her eyes. "You don't remember?"

"No."

I almost confessed to her that it was because she was losing her memories. And I could only do so much to stop her from losing herself altogether. This time I couldn't lie to her that things were okay.

She slipped her hands from my chest to my shoulders and silenced my thoughts with a kiss. It was quick, testing, almost a question in itself. "When was it?"

I inhaled, murmured something like 'a long time ago' and returned the kiss. We'd never gone beyond innocent – sometimes absent-minded – physical contact. It alarmed me then when I opened my mouth wider and she made a tight sound but did not resist. I moved my hand along the length of her back, smoothing the wrinkles of her oversized shirt and feeling the heat of her flesh underneath.

She pulled back only to catch her breath and to swing her leg to sit more comfortably on my lap.

The thinning string of self-control I had remaining threatened to dissipate. It was already too much that she was breathing on my neck and making a trail of wet kisses to my chest while I rubbed my fingers along the underside of her breasts. All it took was one wrong move of her hip and I knew I'd lose my mind.

The need was written so plainly on her face, I found it painful not to oblige. If I asked politely, she'd have given her consent, but her consent didn't mean anything in our situation. She wanted this because married couples touched each other without having to think hard about being offended afterwards. Using her current misunderstanding of our relationship to defend my carnal desire, however, would still translate to rape in the morning.

I wasn't that kind of person.

With a deft move, I hefted her off me and pushed her gently onto the mattress. She clung to my shoulders, stunned by the shift in our position. I remained crouched on top of her, my forearms on either side of her torso to keep me at a respectable – whatever form of respect could be found in our situation – distance from her body.

We breathed hard, still too dizzied by our momentum to ask questions and provide answers.

She'd never want me for who I was, just as I'd never want her. Wait, was _never_ too strong a word? Cancelling out possibilities wasn't a good habit – not in the battlefield. I shut my eyes for a moment. This wasn't a normal battlefield. But what if growing to like her as a person, as a woman, as a friend made this mission easier for me to bear? What if culturing a personal motive for saving her life could help me regain my focus?

"Shikamaru?"

"Huh?"

"Is there anything wrong?" She kept her voice low to maintain the intimacy of the moment, but my dumbfounded state was quickly ruining the mood.

"No, no, I was - " swallowing hard " – I thought about what you said. About starting anew. Now's the best time to discuss it."

She blinked. "Now?"

"Yes. Now."

"As in _now_? Not five minutes or thirty minutes kind of _now?_ "

"There's no other _now_ than _now_ , Sakura."

Sakura sighed, decided I'd ruined the moment for good, and intertwined her fingers above her stomach. "Sure. Alright. Is there anything so urgent about the matter that we have to discuss it _right this second_?"

I scratched the back of my ear. "Maybe after I buy you dinner and we get to like one another, we get stuck in a mission to decode a weird message hidden in the enemy's scrolls and the safest place to put us is in my ancestral house. We become good friends before the falling in love part complicates our relationship – you know romantic feelings do that. And one night you have this bad dream and we talk about it and we decide to go down to the kitchen to drink tea or milk or beer- "

"There's no beer," she said. "I checked. Over and over."

"Or wine." I saw her face liven up, and I said, "That we're not allowed to drink because we're recuperating and Shikaku will notice if we so much as touch them. So I tell you that maybe we can make tea or pour ourselves a glass of milk and immediately go to bed because it's best if we prioritize getting enough rest. You agree because you know I'm worried sick about you ninety percent of the time since we left the hospital. And because we can't really forget anything that's happened so far but we're putting that behind us to build this really strong friendship that will serve as foundation for whatever comes afterwards."

She frowned. "That was…a lot of words."

"It wasn't."

"I thought we were starting anew by… _you know_! If you hadn't noticed, I was practicing!"

"Practicing?"

"You said we needed practice, remember?"

Our first morning kiss. That awkward time she attacked my mouth. I almost grumbled. I was already half-mad. I couldn't believe she considered this 'practice'.

"I'm serious," I said.

"I am, too. I like what you said, Shikamaru. It was sweet but you have a bad timing and it sounded like a…diplomatic speech you say to Gaara."

For a second I imagined Gaara in her place and I jolted, terrified by the image. "You have the most sordid imagination!"

"We'll start slow, but you don't have to approach it like we're the kind of couple who loses all the funny feelings and tingling and silliness of being in love after, say, five months of marriage!"

"When you spend most of your time learning how to dismember people, it's kind of difficult having a healthy romantic relationship that never loses its lustre," I said. "Especially because being shinobis means we'll be talking about arson instead of fireworks and hand seals instead of – well, uhm, intimate stuff."

"You don't have to be prince charming to be romantic, geez," she said. "We won't always be turning red and giggling at corny pick-up lines we say to one another – "

" – I don't do pick-up lines."

"That was just an example." She clutched my shirt. "But we have to keep the spark alive even to a minimum. It's not that hard. Just say you want me to sleep next to you. Cuddle sometimes. Embrace me from behind. Talk to me on and on about shogi and bore me to death with family anecdotes that aren't really anecdotes because your sense of humour is terrible. Be my best friend."

"I am offering to be your best friend. Or did that just waft pass you like a joke?"

She made a face. "Okay, you got that friendship part right. The long-term feel of it does sound romantic."

"By the way, why am I doing all the work with the romance? What do you do for me in return?" I paused and regretted asking. "No need to tell me! I believe you've got that covered!"

She squinted and looked as though she wanted to laugh. "You're strange sometimes."

"You're strange too"

"How so?"

"All women are strange. You want men like me to get out of our way to make you happy and you don't appreciate that we're not doing it your way – the way you expect us to do it."

She took in my expression and flinched. "Sorry. I was only teasing. And you know deep inside I'm just this innocent sixteen year-old with these crazy set of romantic fantasies. But I'm not really expecting you to be someone you're not."

That settled it. This was Sakura. The muscles in my arms and in my abdomen loosened and I collapsed next to her. I likened the relief to having a deceased loved one come back to life. What was this? How was the rebirth toying with her?

Did I miss anything? The rebirth was undoubtedly there, but this was the strongest she'd recognized me as an individual apart from Sasuke and Ryo since the entire thing started. This wasn't possible, but somehow she'd suppressed Kana for a while was not mistaking me for anybody. I recalled our meetings in Konoha and what they'd told me so far. Miscalculations. There had to be some miscalculations or else she wouldn't have been able to break free from Kana for this long.

My thoughts returned to Gama-chan. To Naruto. Strings appeared in my mind, connecting one event to another, one conversation to the next, willing a new theory to life, but I was too damn exhausted to vivify the mental picture of a new perspective of this case. Not at this moment. Perhaps I'd try again later in the day.

Sakura slipped under the blanket.. She curled next to me, the arch of her back pressing against my arm. I wrapped my arm around her stomach and nuzzled close to the back of her head. All the while I thought to myself I may be young and stupid but I could find solutions to problems quite well. I was a good shinobi, and I could save her.

"Hey," she muttered.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for holding out your end of the agreement."

"…What agreement?"

"Our marriage. As my husband. You're making it up to me," she said. "Maybe this winter won't be so bad."

"Snow in this area tends to be heavy but comes and goes quickly."

"Shikamaru, you do know I wasn't really talking about the weather, right?"

"I meant to say I'm not the best person in the world, but I won't just come and go," I said. "You have nothing to worry about."

Sakura turned around so we were facing one another. She looked up at me and draped her arm on my waist. "Shikamaru, if we're going to make this work, I think we better start dealing with that box."

* * *

 **A/N:** Gustin Puckerman, your reviews are lovely. If you do end up creating a playlist, don't hesitate to share it with us. :) Mia and Eddie, thanks for the PM. Yes, I have original stories. And I love the fanart. May I repost them?


	23. Chapter Twenty-Two

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **A/N:** Hey guys! I actually wrote a lengthy response to all the PMs and reviews (mostly PMs because you guys make lots of requests and give me lots of questions to answer that you don't want others to read? I'm not sure) but after a while I realized it would be best to answer everything in one go once the fic is finished. Yes, I'm talking about you Mia and LovelyCrownHime. Belated happy birthday to gustin puckerman! My sincerest apologies for not updating immediately! I'll probably heed one of your requests to show how bad I feel about updating late. Crabberz, no I didn't remove Ayano. She's in this chapter. And thanks for liking her. She's a bitch.

PS. This was written in 2012-2013. Apart from the additional characters like Sanae and some changes in Sakura and Shikamaru's interactions (the morning in bed scene in the last update didn't happen in the original version), I just mostly proofread it (very quickly). If I rewrote every chapter, the fic will be better written but it will probably be longer since the plot will be affected.

* * *

 **Twenty - Two**

 **Naruto**

I ran, and I ran faster than wind and time.

My body evaded the strangers on the street instinctively like it would fifty sharpened kunais thrown by the enemy to hinder me from reaching my destination. My heart pumped harder and harder in ardent need to meet the demand of oxygen in my bloodstream, and the heat beneath my skin oozed more sweat from my pores than it did during my training with the pervy-sage.

Grabbing the carpenter's shoulders, I jumped into the air and flew past the panels of wood his co-workers were carrying across the street.

"Watch it, kid!"

"Thanks for the boost, old man!"

"What did you call me?"

Upon landing on the ground, I grinned and winked at a couple of children who had stopped tossing marbles in order to gawk at me. As much as I would have loved to stay and gloat, I had to get to the hospital as fast as humanly possible.

A couple of turns to the left and an abrupt swerve to the right led me straight to the entrance of the stout building I often joked was my second home. After all, this was where most shinobis ended up after missions, and the nurses practically named the rooms after us, being their most regular patients and all.

Rock Lee once observed that they tended to assign us to the same beds as well, which I immediately dismissed by saying all beds and all rooms looked the same in the hospital. However, out of curiosity, I did ask Sakura about this. I remembered her response being a snort and something like, 'I'm not a doctor, but as far as gossip goes concerning the beds injured ninjas use, when a ninja is unpleasant to the nurses, they replace them with the oldest and most uncomfortable of the bunch for the shinobi's next visit. So make sure to be nice, Naruto, do you hear?"

I slowed on the front steps and turned around, facing the gate. I sat and ran my sleeve across my face, panting. When still, the heat would not subside, I zipped down my jacket and pulled it off. I was so tired, and it was only now that I was acknowledging the real reason why.

To be honest, I would rather call my training with Jiraiya a scolding marathon than the invigorating exercise it usually was. If I wasn't focusing enough, I was always too slow in attacking or defending. It was a wonder I could still run after he finally let me go. The old pervert made a good punching bag out of me! Truly, though, it wasn't his punches or his half-hearted rasengan that hurt me, but the fact that he recognized the thoughts drilling in this head of mine – the very thoughts that crippled even my physical strength and caused me to slack.

'Continue your melodrama and let's see if the Akatsuki won't kill you the second you trip on your own foot!' he had hollered at me while I skidded across the training ground.

Of course, the retorts I stammered in a vain attempt to preserve my dignity were slaughtered with one, sensible statement from a war veteran: Sakura's death was the concern only of a few in Konoha but my demise was the ruin of the entire shinobi world. He never did explain why I cost so much, and it never occurred to me to ask, because my initial response was the realization that if the Akatsuki captured and killed me, no one would pay attention to Sakura and Sai. The Nine-Tails inside me outweighed the rebirth case, and so they would die, and it would be my fault.

A shadow loomed over me, and I snapped my head up. The girl tipped her umbrella to share her shade from the drizzle of snow.

"Mr. Naruto Uzumaki, correct?"

I stood and hit my head on the umbrella. She stretched her arm higher. "Thanks, I guess. Yeah, I'm Naruto…you're and you're a Hyuuga, aren't you?"

She adjusted the sealed paper bag on her right hand. "I'm Ayano Hyuuga. I'm Miss Shizune's understudy."

"Wow, really?"

"Neji said we're expecting you in the…" She lowered her head and glanced at our surroundings. "The containment area. You did receive his note, didn't you? That they're checking to see if Sai is responding to the treatment?"

"Yeah!" I slapped my forehead, laughing. "I was too lost in thought that I almost forgot why I ran all the way to the hospital! Have they started?"

Her blank eyes smiled. "Yes, they have. We're using a new route now. C'mon, I'll show you."

I slipped my jacket on and zipped it up to my chin, feeling the cold now, and I followed this Hinata look-alike to the shrubbery past the perimeter of the hospital. Her fat ankle boots crushed the thickening layers of snow, and to serve as distraction from the haunting possibilities of Sai's recovery, I busied myself by overlapping her footprints.

Ayano giggled. My foot landed heavily on its next mark, and I said, "What?"

"You really are a child."

I stood straight, wrecking the pattern on the snow and not caring one bit. "No, I'm not."

She glimpsed me. "If you say so."

"You don't know me."

"You're always in the containment area, watching over Sai even when you're not allowed to," she said. "Of course, I know you."

"I'm not a child."

"By fact, you are."

"Do you always talk this way to strangers?"

"Perhaps a lost three-year old child is the best description for you."

The trees thinned to a miniature field and she stopped. I stood beside her and stole her umbrella, causing her to squeak in shock. "That's not enough for you to know a person! Just because I'm always there, waiting for news, looking like an idiot, doesn't give you any right to call me a child!"

"I have every right!" she said. "I'm one of the people working their asses off trying to save your friends! Do you want to know what the medics are saying when you're loitering in our premises? That the kid is back to cry!"

"I'm not a kid! And when the fuck did you see me cry, huh? I won't be surprised if you can't answer that, because I never did!"

She held the paper bag with both arms, embracing it against her chest as though it was a shield. "You slow us down! You sulk in there and drag people with your stupid questions about Sai's health! We're not bleeding our eyes out studying this case in order to answer you when there's something you don't understand – and there's _a lot_ you can't understand! And cut the bullshit about Sakura Haruno! Nobody cares if she turns into Kana and dies!"

My grip loosened around the handle of the umbrella. I dropped it on the snow and my arm fell on my side. I stared at her. "… _Why are you even here_?"

Her scowl vanished and she tightened her embrace on the bag. "It's my job. I don't get to choose who I save."

" _You're_ the child," I said. "You're a selfish girl. Sakura doesn't deserve this."

Ayano snickered, shaking her head. "That's what all of you think! You all favor that stupid girl!"

"That's because she's not like you," I hissed. "She doesn't choose who deserves to live or die. It's more than her job – it's her gift to the world, and I'm surprised someone with a stinking mindset like you managed to become Shizune's understudy."

She swung her hand towards my face. I caught her wrist, squeezed it, and threw it back at her. Ayano stumbled backwards, wincing. "You hurt me!"

"Grandma Tsunade will do you a lot more damage if you don't change that attitude if yours." Tucking my hands in the pockets of my trousers, I scrutinized the field and figured it was a genjutsu. An ANBU appeared behind the tree to my right and released the false landscape, revealing the mouth of a gigantic stone wall.

"Thanks," I muttered as I rounded the umbrella and entered the gap.

Cheers bounced the walls of the corridors, fazing even the torchlight with its intensity. Jogging down the last staircase, I turned a corner and found a herd of people in white coats shaking hands and hugging everyone in their circle.

Emerging from the monotony of white was Mr. Shikaku, who patted Neji's shoulder. Neji was midway thanking him when his eyes found me.

I walked towards him, careful not to disturb their glee with my presence.

"Is it good?" I asked, as soon as he was within earshot. "Is it good? Is Sai okay? Well?"

Neji smacked my head. "Where the hell were you?"

"Well? Tell me! What happened?"

Mr. Shikaku's laughter was a low drone amidst the shrill praises in the air that it immediately drew our attention. "He responded to the treatment, Naruto! The rebirth virus has decelerated!"

"By decelerated, you mean…" I turned to Neji for further explanation. He sighed.

"We mean," he began, "that it has lost its original pace, but it's still progressing."

"Now, now," interjected Mr. Shikaku, "there's no need to be so glum about that fact. What's important, Naruto, is that we are sure the third round of blood transfusion will be efficient, and we have the green light to proceed to step three, which is to induce Sai with multiple sclerosis."

Ayano's insults returned to me, and instead of urging Neji to define multiple sclerosis, I nodded with a grin, acting like there was nothing left in the dark. "That's great! Congratulations! By the way, where's grandma?"

Neji's gaze traveled back and fro Mr. Shikaku and me, his face stern. He excused us and dragged me to a corner by the nape.

"Ow, ow, what's wrong with you?" I looked back to see whom we were avoiding.

Neji released my nape and folded his arms across his chest. "You've got not the least bit of decency to apologize for attacking Shikamaru."

I rubbed my nape. "Mr. Shikaku doesn't seem to mind!"

He squinted at me, and for once, I was grateful he had no visible pupils to strengthen his glare. "Admit it: the whole thing escaped _your_ mind, didn't it? I'm not surprised you're not aware of the panic you caused Mr. Shikaku, being stuck in prison and whatever the Hokage saw fit to punish you with. You should be grateful he's being more than civilized with you."

I peered at the dispersing group of medics. At the tail of the thinning crowd stood Mr. Shikaku, occupied in his exchange with Mr. Inoichi and Shizune. Ayano's figure was visible behind their group, but she wouldn't catch me staring because she was busy handing the content of the paper bag to her senior medic who didn't look pleased with the half-filled jars in his hands.

"Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" asked Neji.

I blinked up at him. "What exactly happened to Mr. Shikaku when he found out?"

He stepped closer, feigning casualness, and whispered, "Kakashi was searching for him right after it happened, and when he couldn't find him, he asked me to go with him a mile away from the Nara forest to check. He was assuming Mr. Shikaku went there to make sure Shikamaru was all right but told no one. We couldn't enter the forest without him knowing, hence I used my byakugan, and indeed, Mr. Shikaku was there, perched on a branch, assembling his deer and giving them commands."

"…Commands to do what?"

"To travel in three layers of circles, the first layer having a two mile radius from the house itself."

Those deer had avoided me the moment I set foot inside the forest, and at first, I was glad they were afraid of the fox's chakra in my belly even after I had disguised my chakra well enough to go undetected by the ANBU, but hearing about the defense mechanism Mr. Shikaku used…he knew I had scared his deer, and those layers must be his instrument to warn him of my next trespassing, to alert him of my exact location in relation to the house sheltering Shikamaru and Sakura.

The very sight of me was enough to break his chains of strong deer, to send them trudging away in fear of the devil inside me.

"Look, Naruto," said Neji, "I'm not informing you simply to humiliate you. The truth is…I'm very disappointed at you for betraying the trust I gave you. Do you think I told you about Sai so you can go ahead and attack Shikamaru?"

I put my hand above my stomach. "But that wasn't my plan."

"Pardon?"

The scent of frogs wafted past my nostrils and I spun to the direction of Mr. Shikaku's group. Jiraiya thanked Shizune, and she called me over. The pervy-sage merely looked at me once and walked away.

"Neji," I said, absently, "Why is _he_ here?"

"Master Jiraiya's been cooperating with Lady Tsunade and the medical team for two days now, but you wouldn't know that, would you? You were in _prison_."

Shizune called my name.

I ignored Neji's frustration and approached them, my attention constantly following Jiraiya's departing figure. "Yeah? What is it? What did he tell you? Did he make jokes about our training today? I'm sure he did!"

Shizune opened the door to Sai's containment room. "You have five minutes inside, Naruto, and then you have to leave. Understood?"

I frowned. "Did he order you to keep me out of here?"

"What he ordered me is none of your business," she said. "It's protocol to keep civilians like you out of the containment area before we begin a high-level medical procedure such as what we will perform on Sai, so I suggest you say what you have to say and prepare not to see him for a while."

Mr. Shikaku leaned on the opposite wall, watching, saying nothing.

I entered the room. Isas escorted me past the division to where Sai was resting. My thoughts were still stuck in the pervy-sage's sudden involvement in this case that I didn't notice Isas leave. Something about seeing him here made me nauseous, enough that I had to swallow back the liquid climbing my throat.

Too much information in such small amount of time.

In addition to all these, I wasn't going to be allowed visits anymore.

Standing beside Sai's bed, feeling alone, I crossed my arms and said, "You're still asleep? Man, you're gonna be so out of shape once you're out of this-this…this _place_. Well, Sai, I'll not be around until they say 'civilians like me' can visit again. It appears they're up to something critical in order to save your life. I won't argue, since it's necessary for you to return to normal."

I turned around, unable to tolerate his paleness any further, and sat on the edge of his mattress, fiddling with the IV tube. "I don't intend to go sentimental here, okay? It's just that it must be sad to dream for so long – you're probably dreaming about your family, wherever they are – and then you wake up and realize it must have been a nightmare all along, because there's no family waiting for you in reality. Since I had Team Seven, that nightmare's ended for me, but for you…I'm not sure where you stand. I'm seriously unsure. Although, I am happy that the blood transfusion went smoothly. Next, they have to inject you or produce some crazy shit they call multiple…ah, I forgot! Make sure you survive that! And don't get the wrong idea that I want the treatment to go well for you so they can proceed with curing Sakura, no. I want you to wake up and get better because I-I-" glimpsing the room, I cleared my throat and mumbled, "I think I miss having a f-friend around, ya know? Besides, who will Sakura punch once we're back together as a team? I can't shoulder all the pain for you, asshole! And if ever you're wondering, they're doing fine in the forest, so wake the fuck up! _Wake_ -"

"Naruto."

I scrambled to my feet and froze at the sight of Mr. Shikaku standing in front of me. His dark eyes lowered to meet mine; they were so dark they hinted not a trace of the emotion behind that glare, of the magnitude of their silence.

"Naruto," he said.

"I know, I know! Sorry, I shouldn't be speaking so loud. I know," I said.

He cleared his throat and peered behind the division. "I wanted to ask if you understand what's going to happen."

"I loiter here, asking about this and that, but it doesn't mean I understand nothing."

"Nobody said such a thing."

"I don't understand everything, yes, but I do understand that this is serious, and I can't be selfish with Sai and Sakura, just because they're my teammates."

"You're not being selfish- "

"I understand that I scared you with what I did in the forest, and I am sorry, Mr. Shikaku, but sooner or later, you'll also understand that I'm not as meaningless as you all think. I am helping out, you know. I'm-"

"Accepted and forgotten," he said. "Don't do it again."

I inched backwards, unable to look at him, inept so near a man bearing such hot air.

He put his hand on his waist and shifted his weight, altering his ambiance completely. "And we don't think you incompetent, Naruto."

"Then why am I being pushed away?"

"Your priorities are different. Your own life is in danger."

"My teammates are my responsibility! What do you want me to do? Run for my life while they're dying?"

"I'm not here to argue with you, Naruto. You can help as much as you want. We can't stop you if you really want to. The fact remains, however, that you'd be of better help if you look after yourself first. We already have our hands full working with so much through such a small team. And I can only guess what my son's going through."

I wanted to insist that they were underestimating me, that I could do so much that could make a difference, but the sudden softness in Mr. Shikaku's stance told me he wasn't only speaking on behalf of the team. He was speaking to me as Shikamaru's father who wanted only for things to go uphill from this point onward.

As if reading my mind, he said, "For consolation, your vivacity is inspiring. You probably inherited it from your father. He would be trying as hard as you are if he were in your shoes."

Ayano's insults and Neji's scolding swarmed me. "H-how would you know?"

"I'm guessing he wasn't as loud as you are, but he must have looked so much like you and would have acted with as much passion had it been your mother in Sakura's position. He must be as loyal to his friends as you are, and had he been the one with a strayed teammate like Sasuke, he would most likely be fighting against all odds too. C'mon, Naruto, you're a clever boy – I mean, young man! – you must have gotten your high spirits from someone. Had he lived to father you like I am fathering Shikamaru, he'd be boring you with his sermons because he cared, and after days of giving each other the cold shoulder, he'd sit beside you, hand you your allowance, and say he's proud of you not because of what you can do, but simply because you're his flesh and blood. All he'd want you to do is accept that he wants nothing less than the best for you…" he said. "There's a big chance he'd also tell you the same thing I'm telling you. The biggest help you can give us is by staying alive. Do that and it'd be easier for us to focus on keeping Sakura and Sai alive, too."

Warmth engulfed me, and I floated between certainty and doubt. I curled my lips upward in my best smile. "He's so lucky to have you. I don't know who Sai has, that's why I'm here. And Sakura's parents don't even know."

"You don't need to provide me any reason." He encircled his arm around my shoulder and prodded me towards the division. "From now on, there's no need for reasons unless I ask for it. If you need explanation, go to me, and if you need assurance, you also go to me."

I went home with my ears buzzing from all the reminders Mr. Shikaku insisted on me, and my belly full of the dishes and delicacies Mrs. Nara fed me for dinner. The hour being late and our stomachs grumbling in chorus after departing from the containment area, he had persevered in having me agree to taste his wife's gyudon. In my humblest voice, I had refused, saying it would be awkward for her to have me around, especially after my stunt against Shikamaru.

He swore she knew nothing of the rebirth, and by the time our argument had drawn to a close, we were already passing the length of his house.

In the end, I didn't mind any of it.

I managed to get a vivid picture of what an ordinary son went home to after a depressing sprint under the winter sky, and although this fleeting experience gave me more reason to envy Shikamaru, I would cherish this as a memory only I could own, and a happiness only I could possess.

Kicking off my shoes, I slammed my apartment door shut and switched on the lights. The bulb flickered a few times before retaining its steady glow. A shiver coursed through my toes, my knees, my shoulders, and to the longest tip of hair on my head, before I was aware enough to advance to gama-chan in the center of my room.

Inside my wallet lay a piece of coin I could not recall leaving inside when I planted it in the scullery of the Nara lodging.

The roughness of the surface between my fingers felt odd. Tossing it in the air, I caught it and said, "Release!"

Smoke seeped out of my fingers. Unfolding my fist, I saw a crumpled paper with a scribbled note.

 _Got the message, Naruto. Tell them immediately that the rebirth could have already affected Sai more than the physical is showing. Otherwise, why would he tell you about my insulting Sakura? You know him better than I do, Naruto. At least make sure it's still him. If they're not telling me, they don't trust me. Better they hear it from you. – Shikamaru Nara_

I tucked Gama-chan inside my pocket and strapped my shoes back on.

The first person to go to was Neji.

At ten o'clock in the evening, I was certain a man like Neji would be at home with his mother, but I was wrong. The shortest path leading to the Hyuuga clan's neighborhood was through the farming district, and the shortest road going to the farming district was the Yatama Boulevard, famous for the series of restaurants serving organic food and cheap vegetable harvesting.

I was leaping from roof to roof when I saw Hinata exiting the garden restaurant with Neji. This was good, I thought, until I was dashing past the passing families and couples and realized the girl was not Hinata, but Ayano. Their quiet conversation while they walked stopped upon her recognizing me. Neji saw me soon enough, and for a moment, we stood in the middle of the road beside the river, staring.

Ayano took her knapsack from Neji. "I'm going home on my own."

"Wait, Ayano-"

"I'll tell father you bought me dinner and had an emergency to attend to afterwards." She looked me from head to toe, adjusted her knapsack on her shoulder, and bid him goodnight.

He watched her cross the bridge and massaged his temple. "Do you need anything from me at this late hour, Naruto?"

I pointed at the direction Ayano took. "Y-you're dating that girl? _That girl_?"

"What do you want from me?"

Scratching the back of my ear, I decided to drop the subject for later scrutiny and confessed my real agenda for trespassing the Nara forest. Before he could express his disbelief, I shoved Shikamaru's note to his face. He read it, and we opted for a third person to join us prior to approaching Grandma Tsunade.

Given the option to collaborate with an effective person in this scheme, I would immediately choose Mr. Shikaku, but time was running out due to the third blood transfusion scheduled to be executed tomorrow, and we went for the nearest, most credible person within urgent reach: Kakashi.

Neji admitted to not believing in luck, but there was no other word to describe the chances of the Hokage staying late in her office the one time we needed her to be there. Kakashi asked for Shikamaru's note, I gave it, and he advised us to remain outside the office until we were summoned.

"It's best that I explain the situation to her alone." His visible brow furrowed. "Naruto, you have to keep your mouth shut until she calms enough not to scourge you, else there's little I can do to spare you from being castrated due to your impulsive act."

Neji winced.

I spotted the nearest window. A jump from this height was not lethal, was it? A band of my shadow clones could catch me at the bottom in case I had no other option of escape.

Kakashi sighed, his palms flat on the double doors. "I'm going in."

"Good luck," muttered Neji.

I pressed my back against the wall and nodded at Kakashi.

The creaking boomed throughout the empty corridor, stilling even Neji until the moment Kakashi closed the doors. Neji walked towards the window – my escape route. "If she starts after you, I won't be on your side of the battle to defend you against such brutal feminine madness."

Silence prevailed on the other side of this wall, allowing me time to linger from the damage grandma would cause me if she would not accept Shikamaru's theory. "We can be correct. It makes sense, doesn't it? I'd hate to admit it…but, really, Sai would never have told me about Shikamaru's argument with Sakura. I went to the forest only to tell him that the rebirth is also happening to Sai, but I never considered that it was something Sai would ever do. He'd never tell me about the argument they had during the mission."

"How long have you known Sai to be sure of what he will and will not do?"

"Sai respects Sakura and my goal to bring back Sasuke," I said.

"I agreed to assist you tonight because of the slightest chance that there is a facet to the rebirth Sai is experiencing that remains unknown to us, but if you want my honest opinion, I believe no Sanin can perform a rebirth so quick and proficient that it can affect the vessel's brain without going undetected by the byakugan. He can't be _that_ affected by the rebirth yet."

"What if?" I said. "Just think about it, Neji!"

"What do you think I'm doing?" He looked at me from over his shoulder, his hands clutching the windowsill. "Again and again, I've thought about this rebirth, and there are plenty of things that cannot be explained. The blood transfusion was successful, and I have little doubt about the effectiveness of the third step, but what will that turn Sai into? A limp for the rest of his life? And Sakura-"

"Sakura mistook Shikamaru for Sasuke because of the rebirth, and you said it yourself that the altering of her pathways have only reached the base of her spine!" I said. "The byakugan cannot explain that, can it?"

Neji held his forehead and breathed deep, calming himself. "Naruto, once the morphed pathways have touched the spine…" he flicked his eyes to me and he went quiet.

My heart pumped, harder and harder like it did when I was still running from the training ground to the hospital, only now, this was not in mixed excitement and anticipation but mere suspicion of the worse. "No," I said. "You're not a medic. That's not something you know well enough."

"It's basic biology, Naruto, and nobody but Shikamaru is currently slowing the rebirth from reaching her brain stem," he whispered. "However, you're right, I'm not a medic. What I know about these things do not count. I apologize for my rash words."

I gripped the windowsill to steady myself. My vision swayed, and I bent on my waist to will my composure back. Neji clutched my shoulders, inquiring of my health.

They never told me, but they have already considered that Sakura could be beyond salvation. The rebirth would travel from the spine directly to the brain stem. I understood that without him having to explain it.

The double doors parted, forcing me to straighten up and swallow the bile in my throat. Neji carried half my weight as we watched Grandma Tsunade and Kakashi glide out of the office.

She stopped on her tracks, suddenly, and she frowned at my appearance. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing, ma'am," Neji answered for me. "He's tired, that's all."

Kakashi nodded at us, indicating good news. I forgot the traffic of worry swarming my mind and stumbled towards her. "You believe us? You really, seriously believe us?"

"Why should I believe you, after you deceived me?" Pressing her forefinger against my forehead, she said, "Let's put it this way: I don't want to take risks, hence I'm coordinating an experiment tomorrow that will prove your theory. If you are correct, Naruto, and the rebirth has affected Sai's behavior beyond what medicine can measure, I will allow you to continue your training with Jiraiya without restraint from anyone, but the moment we prove you are _incorrect_ , you will be spending the remainder of the case training in a prison cell, guarded by Yamato and two more ANBUs."

"Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Grandma pursed her lips. "Not so fast, Naruto. You have a part in this experiment."

"I'll do anything! I swear! Just say it and I'll do it!"

"Calm down," Neji said.

"How can I?" I said. "We have to make sure this thing hasn't eaten Sai! If it has, then the sooner it's confirmed, the sooner Grandma Tsunade here can work on a cure!"

She gripped my hair to stop me from bouncing and fidgeting. "Naruto! Listen to me, and listen to me carefully, because I'm not making this any easier on you. You will not like one thing about what you have to do tomorrow."


	24. Chapter Twenty-Three

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Twenty-Three**

 **Shikamaru**

In the morning, I peeked under her blouse to see the tattoo. The black ink, so deeply embedded and intricately sprawled along her pale skin, formed a cherry blossom with a hundred branches but without flowers.

I wanted to press my thumb against the tattoo to check whether it was real or not, but I remembered how close I'd been to raping her last night that I immediately got off the mattress and sat on the edge of her bed. I slouched over my knees and put my hands over my face. Nothing truly terrible had happened between us, just intense kissing and groping, and it wasn't as though anybody in the team had prohibited those actions considering the nature of my mission.

The problem was with me, treating her like I'd treated Misaki and Emiko and every other girl I'd slept with. But no, I didn't do that simply because I was horny. Partly, I felt a need to touch her to check whether she was real. She'd spoken to me in her own voice and I felt it had been my opportunity to show her that I was a shinobi who cared. I may be infatuated with Ino, but it didn't mean that I never cared for Sakura.

Besides, waking up to a mission so early in the morning gave people little inhibitions. I didn't molest her or anything. I was simply doing my job.

I watched her lay silently on the mattress, her pink hair tousled, her neck exposed and delicate. From my vantage point, everything looked absolutely normal.

I blinked and suddenly, I was back in the cave and Sakura was on the rim of the pond, drenched, naked beneath a white cloth that covered her from her chest to her thigh. The chill in the air was almost solid, tangible, enough to gulp down and spread poison in my bloodstream. In another blink, the image was gone.

The area around my rib cage ached. My left arm weakened. I kneaded my chest and tried to breathe deeply, calm my thoughts and gather my composure. This whirlwind of guilt and confusion that struck me frequently throughout the day finally came across to me as something more than over-rationalizing my situation.

There had been no time to stop, no time to sit in front of a counselor and cough out anything that might cause long term problems due to the stress incurred in the mission. Of course, they wouldn't have had the usual counsellor talk to me to convince me that a rebirth ceremony gone wrong couldn't possibly be my fault. Perhaps this was what the ANBU meant when she said they left young shinobis like me with no one to talk to. The galaxies in my mind had been bottled up and sealed and all these confusion, all these anger and guilt and shame and anxiety and sadness was brewing an explosion waiting to happen.

Emotional hang-ups. Possible psychiatric issues. Life-and-death situations. Family mysteries.

My temples throbbed. I lay on my side, pressing my face against Sakura's pillow to allow the pain to subside, and felt something crumple underneath the weight of my head.

Absently, I slipped my hand under the pillow and swept its length, finding nothing at first. I figured if it wasn't underneath then it must be inside the pillowcase. As I was about to check, Sakura stirred and rolled on her side to see me.

She stretched and purred like a cat, one hand above her head and the other spread across the mattress. She yawned and lifted herself a fraction to get a better view of me. "What are you doing there?"

I sniffed and tapped my temple. "Headache. Felt nauseous."

She sat up and pulled down her clothes, suddenly bashful. "Where exactly does it hurt?"

I studied her, how alert she was and…how much like the old Sakura she felt. "Hey, do you remember what we did last night?"

She tossed a pillow at me. "You're telling me that's the reason you're nauseous?"

"No, no, just asking." That temper, though, was definitely Sakura's.

"Of course, I do. I had a dream and we talked about it. Why?"

"…Part of me was convinced you were moving and talking while asleep."

"Funny, Shikamaru. Very funny."

"Hearing voices?"

"No. What's with the interrogation so early in the morning?"

I closed my eyes. "Just making sure you're okay."

"Are _you_ okay?"

The nausea subsided slowly. My head cleared, and I sat up. "It's snowing, isn't it?"

Sakura crouched in front of me and felt my forehead. Next, she felt my pulse. "Where are you hurting?" She spread her fingers over my arms and traced lines down to my wrist, feeling for my chakra flow. "Everything's just as they were before. But this should have improved by now."

I shook my head. "Neji said it would take months to recover completely. Anyway, I think this is just fatigue. Mentally and physically." I had a good reason to be burnt out apart from possible trauma. I still had no idea who this girl was. Sakura or Kana? Could Sakura have managed to regain control of her mind and body for this long? Last night, although she identified me as Shikamaru, she still mistook me for her husband. It could only be going three ways now. First, she could be back to merging me with Ryo and Sasuke. Second, she could have maintained her misunderstanding that the Shikamaru she knew growing up was her husband and third, she could have improved her perception and realized I'd not so much as touched her face before the mission with Kana and therefore couldn't be her husband.

Nervous as I was, I had to find out.

"You look just as tired," I lied. "You dreamt about Naruto, right? You were with him in Ichiraku Ramen? I told you to stop worrying about him. He's fine."

She sighed. "Unfortunately, there are friends you never stop worrying about. But if Master Jiraiya is with him – even Kakashi or Captain Yamato would do - I don't think he'll get into further trouble. At least training will distract him from recklessly rummaging the ends of the world for…solutions to problems."

"Problems? Like not having a bowl large enough for all the ramen he can eat?"

"You know!" She slapped my knee. "Sasuke. Problems like Sasuke. Orochimaru. And the Akatsuki."

Good, I thought. This left me with only the latter two options. Maintained or improved? Which was it?

"Yeah," I said. "I think he's that friend to me, too. The person I have to worry about when I'm in missions with him. Or when you're in missions with him, because you always end up exhausting your chakra either healing him or fixing his mess. Really, that guy. Making you do all that work."

"Don't try to be sweet, Shikamaru. It doesn't suit you."

"Didn't we agree we'd start anew?"

"That doesn't involve being people we're not," she said. "And you're not cute. It just makes you sound like a pervert."

"Insults, so early in the morning. Only from women." I stood. "Speaking of work, let's finish decoding those scrolls after visiting that box."

She jumped to her feet, gripped my shoulders, and shook me thrice. "Really? No kidding?"

"You said last night that we should." I gripped her shoulders back to stop her from slinging me to another continent. "So we are."

"You think you can narrow down the origins of that box?"

"I…have an idea."

"Okay." Sakura nodded and grinned. "Let's start with that idea. Anything that can possibly solve this mystery."

Acting like nobody but myself didn't make her back itch. If it did and she scratched, I never noticed. But I felt I was treading on very delicate ice here that led to some sort of answer. Ever since we were sent to the forest lodging, some things had been inconsistent between our interpretation of the rebirth and her reactions to it. It had always been on the tip of my tongue, that friction that agitated my conscious and subconscious slowly surfacing to warn me of an error I'd been tolerating for too long.

As I looked at the box my parents made for me, however, I felt my worries over her thoughts slip. The spotlight transferred to me, to my own worries over my family and myself. I wouldn't be taking care of this business if it didn't take up so much of my energy. If dealing with this would help me concentrate on keeping Sakura alive, I guess I had no choice.

Looking at Sakura now, as she sat across from me, on the other side of the underground cache, I wondered if it wasn't such a bad idea to bring her here after all. This girl wasn't entirely Kana yet, and if there was any acquaintance I could trust to keep a secret or respect my decisions until I erred, it was her.

Sakura took the box from me.

I raised my brows.

"One thing before we start," she said. "If this doesn't give us any useful result, you should ask your father."

"Sakura-"

"It's great that you're not keeping this in the dark anymore, from me and from yourself. But I'm sure we'll have even more questions after this and the only real way to settle this is to ask Mr. Shikaku."

"Now you're the one who wants to back down?" I pushed the rock aside and lifted the wooden panels. "We're simply checking the family insignias below the boxes. If the insignia on the right doesn't match that of my mother's, then we can safely assume it's an untold story from a previous generation – a miscarriage!"

Sakura caught my wrists as I reached down to take the box. "But if it matches the family insignia of your mum's?"

My eyes descended to the engraving on the cover of the box, at the name that was mine. "If it so happens to be mum's…then only my parents can answer for this box. I'll talk to Shikaku like you want me to."

"Are you sure you want to do this with me around?" she asked. "If-if you're uncomfortable, I'll understand."

I took both her hands and placed them on the box. "I want you here. I really do, Sakura. I have no one else to trust but you, that's why…you should be the one to compare the insignias at the bottom of the boxes and tell me whether they're the same or not."

She opened and closed her mouth, managed nothing comprehensible to say, and hung her head low. "Shikamaru, just promise me you'll handle this well."

"I don't suppose you say that to your patients in the hospital."

"No, I don't. It's a silly thing to say. Sorry. Just promise you'll not keep this to yourself," she said. "We'll discuss this."

I may have resigned myself to forming a friendship with her to serve as motivation for this mission, but that did not mean I'd share my hurts so freely. "We'll discuss this," I said.

She sat the boxes abreast, clutching the edges, and then tipped them back. I watched her pupils travel back and forth the insignias and then ascend to my face.

We stared at each other in silence, and in an instant, my thoughts were swarmed by the worst scenarios. I had a deceased older brother, and in grief of the sudden loss, my parents bestowed me with the same name.

I was used as an instrument for redressing old wounds.

A more ridiculous thought occupied me: I had died in the mission, and I was sharing this purgatory with Sakura. My conscience was searching for ways to gain peace amidst my failures…amidst my enormous guilt.

The other box belonged to me, and today was the day I found out none of us survived the horror of the rebirth.

Sakura put the boxes down. "There's no counterpart."

"What?"

"There's no insignia on the right of the Nara insignia." Rotating the boxes, she tipped them back again and showed me. "What does this mean?"

I put the rear of the box in front of my face. A messy carving o f the Nara family symbol decorated the left half the surface, and the on the other half, only chips and scratches."It's empty. It's _bare_."

"It might be-"

" _What the hell_?"

"Maybe it's a mistake?" Sakura suggested, hopeful.

"W-what kind of mistake?"

"Your dad must've figured he can improve his carving, so he buried this one and created another."

"Sakura, there are one hundred rubber bands inside this fucking box."

She scratched her nape. "Yes, I know that. And I also happen to know that you descend from a very large family tree. It can be that this has been here even before Michio was conceived."

I tossed the box to the ground and stood. I walked around in a circle while chewing the inside of my cheek. "No sane father leaves one hundred perfectly weaved rubber bands inside a box with my name on it. The box may be a mess, but it's not a reason to bury it with the rubber bands. This just…it doesn't make sense."

She rose to her feet and dusted her jeans. "Ask Mr. Shikaku. We can go on hypothesizing the worse and invite depression like it's a treat, or we can be sensible and hear the truth from the person who is most likely to have it."

I stopped pacing.

"You promised." Sakura returned the box into the cache and laid a rock atop the wooden panels. "Okay, Shikamaru?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose and nodded.

"C'mon." She intertwined our fingers and prodded me forward with a curt smile. "Let's go home. It feels like snow will fall again."

I let her drag me back into the house. My conscience tried to suppress the ring of annoyance beneath my skin. Why couldn't answers come plainly? Why did I have to work hard for every good thing in my life?

Upon stepping into shelter, I said, "Let's rest from working on the map."

Sakura shrugged off her coat with a funny smile. "But I want to go back to Konoha soon."

You mustn't. It would be a dangerous place for them with you in it.

I hung my coat on the rack and dusted the snow off. My mission required me to create an excuse that would dodge our true purpose for being here. "But…don't you want to be alone with me for a little longer?"

Sakura gaped and turned her head to the opposite direction, away from my view. "What kind of question is that?"

I shrugged, because I, too, did not know what I meant. I just had to give her an excuse from becoming suspicious. "Don't you want to be alone with me for a little longer? I prefer being here with you, you know. It reminds me that my priority is not my job, but my wife."

Her head snapped to my direction, and she said, "Alright, buddy. It's rest for you today. You've got so much on your mind. Do you want me to make you a hot bath? Afterwards I can start work on the scrolls. That's what you said we should do. Remember? This morning?"

"Change of plans. Let's start again tomorrow."

"Or are you afraid I'd hear the voices?"

"Not afraid. Simply bothered by it."

"Shikamaru, you're deeply upset about the box."

"I'm not upset about that box."

"Then you're slightly stressed," she insisted.

I folded my arms across my chest. Today was the third day Lady Tsunade promised, and Ino said they were indeed progressing to formulas and applicable treatments. My part remained stagnant with theories and nothing more. In addition, I had to find a means to vivify that error on our part. The cherry blossom on her back had grown, but she hadn't completely turned into Kana.

Sakura put her hands on her waist.

I walked past her. "Maybe I _am_ upset. I'm sorry."

"When will we resume work?"

"Later. Just give me time to nap."

"We're running out of supplies, by the way."

"Provision will come in two days."

She entered the hearth room and remarked, "Sounds like we're in war, huh?"

I stopped midway the staircase. We were in war; she just didn't know it was to save her life. My left arm numbed again. I went to our bedroom and collapsed on her bed. A crumpling of something firm caught my attention once more, and this time I didn't hesitate to check inside the pillowcase.

Inside were our team photos out of their frames and folded in two. I smoothened them and put them side-by-side. Sasuke's face was circled and so was mine. Behind her team photo, she scribbled Sasuke's name over and over. Behind mine, she scribbled my name. I felt the pillowcase for more hidden items and when I found none, I removed the casing altogether and saw that the pillows were stained with blue ink. There, she wrote that Shikamaru and Sasuke were different. She went to a mission with Shikamaru to save Kana, woke up in the ICU, and something short-circuited in her brain. Diagrams showed the human brain with pointers leading to separate diagnoses. About why she was hearing the voices, why she was mixing one person with another, and so on.

Flipping the pillow, I saw Naruto's name written in capital letters and arrows branching out of it. The date when Naruto barged into this house was scribbled under his name. The arrows pointed to mistakes she'd made about my identity and Sasuke's. Questions surrounded words and phrases that made no sense to me.

Orange light. Yellow hair. Everything less vague.

Seeing him like a slap on the face. Two people, different but so alike to me. Why?

That was when it clicked. When every observation and theory zoomed and fit together to form a vivid picture of what I was fighting and how we had all been unintentionally killing Sakura this entire time.


	25. Chapter Twenty-Four

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **A/N:**  


* * *

 **Twenty-Four**

 **Neji**

I may be heartless.

All I saw were the facts - the impact this case would have on Konoha - without the slightest regard to the people who would go on living as mere evidences of their loss.

That should have been one of my concerns because I understood the loss of a loved one best, but it was not.

Despite this, and even after my confrontation with Naruto years ago during the finale of our first chuunin exam, I still proceeded to view humanity as a superior kin of a strayed, sidewalk pebble. Sometimes, we were juggled and tossed carelessly in children's hands, worthy of scrutiny from innocent eyes, while other times, we were perceived as mere obstructions in the way of astrological operations. Hence, we were kicked aside and forgotten.

When greater notice befall us, we were scooped from the ground and pitched into the river. I best correlate life with sinking at that point, and death to reaching the forgotten abyss of that serene graveyard.

As I rolled a pebble on my palm, cherishing the few minutes of rest I could spare before our experiment began, I realized Sakura Haruno and Sai must be sinking fast.

If Shikamaru and Naruto were correct, and Sai's progress with the rebirth had happened undetected, then there was a greater chance that it was too late for Sakura.

The clapping of hands from across the pond aroused me from my reverie. I lifted my eyes to see a nurse cheering on a former shinobi with an amputated left leg.

A male physical therapist clad in a moss green uniform gripped the amputee's elbow as he wobbled forward.

The rehabilitation center, specifically this vast garden that connected it to the general hospital, was the worst place to be caught staring at strangers. Here the rule was to mind your own business. Recovering patients did not need the attention of strangers who only saw their defects.

Nevertheless, I stared at the amputee in hopes that he would drag my mind elsewhere. The bandage around his stump, the flexed muscles of his arms as he did his best to adjust his weight on the crutches, the scar on his jaw that ran to his ear.

In the end, the sight of his scars brought me back to the gloominess of my concerns. It was, after all, the scars of previous battles that shaped the people who were now running the rebirth case. Lady Tsunade was no exception.

She was an ace medic – perhaps the best the world had seen so far – but there was no telling how far she'd go for Sakura even if the odds were against us. Every inch of her already appeared too shaken to handle more of what was coming.

Mr. Shikaku was a sensible man, fortunately. He wouldn't cause the village an ounce of trouble should the rebirth case erupt before our faces. Naruto, on the other hand…

Naruto could do nothing helpful apart from winning battles. This particular case was not a battle that the demon fox inside him would be able to overpower using unending amounts of chakra.

No, the enemies were becoming in front of our very eyes. Worse, when they had fully consumed Sakura and Sai, who would step up to kill them?

At the beginning of all these, I would have gladly volunteered to end our misery by killing them both, but something about Naruto's humanity made me question my belief that we were just animate objects that come and go.

In a matter of minutes, I would be obligated to witness Naruto with Sai, and I would not be able to help but ask myself how he could care so much for someone who was not of the same blood.

These inquiries were brought to life last night, after Lady Tsunade dismissed Kakashi, Naruto, and I. I had returned to the Hokage Tower with the intention of discussing today's plans again with her.

A booming crash in the upper landings of the tower had forced me into a sprint in the staircase and around the corner to her office. With the corridors basked in an angry shade of black and blue, I had to stumble to a halt and wait for my vision to adjust for me to see whether it was really Master Jiraiya leaning against the beating double doors of the Hokage's office.

He had turned his head and clashed gazes with me.

When I opened my mouth to ask about the noise, a fresh wave of wails resounded from behind the walls.

Master Jiraiya told me to go home and forget that I ever saw or heard anything.

No sincere effort could accomplish that for me today. I could still hear Lady Tsunade's cries. Surely, they were meant for the girl that was only her apprentice and never her daughter.

Straightening my posture, I took a deep breath and massaged the throbbing nerve on my right temple.

A girl with a complicated array of braided hair hurried along the corridor across from me. I squinted and, realizing who she was, ran to the building and leapt through the nearest open window.

Ayano turned around. "Neji!"

"You're in a hurry," I said as I approached.

She embraced the brown bag against her chest, her fingers fumbling along the irregular embroidery of its stained leather. "I am, in fact. _Goodbye_."

"That's the same bag you delivered to Miss Shizune at dawn yesterday."

She turned sideways, using her shoulder to shield the bag. "So? I delivered the same bag to Dr. Ueda after yesterday's celebration at the containment area but you were too busy scolding Naruto to notice."

"I did notice, Ayano," I said and stepped closer to her. "And I'm certain that's not the same bag you gave that doctor. What are you bringing to Miss Shizune this time?"

"Bags of pig liver that tastes better than the medicines I had to take because of the dinner you fed me last night."

"You said you like shrimp."

"I constantly have to lie to you."

"You could have told me that you didn't like the food."

"Look, Neji, we're at work," she said. "And I liked the food. What I didn't like was the person who ordered them."

That was it. After two years, I finally lost my temper, and I grabbed her shoulder and pulled her towards me. Ayano gasped.

I placed my hands on either sides of her face to freeze her attention on me. "Listen, Ayano, since you clearly have a problem with being civil with me and you cannot put decent effort into our relationship, then I suggest you talk it through with your father, because it was his idea to pair us and not mine. I have done _everything_ to please you, but you act like a stupid child and throw insults at me whenever you want to and I have been enduring you for far too long."

"You-!"

I tightened my hold on her jaws, stopping her from speaking. "In case you have forgotten, Ayano, I will be your husband, and the moment we are wed, you will be bound to me forever. If you want the rest of your life to be happy then fix yourself."

Her lip curled inwards to hold back her sobs. She blinked, casting her eyes away from mine, and tears rolled across her reddened cheeks.

I retreated covered my eyes with my right hand, pretending to knead the muscles on my temples. Once the byakugan had subsided, I dared to lift my head again to look at her.

The nerves around Ayano's eyes surfaced and receded. She pinched the bridge of her nose to suppress the sting that accompanied this malady of hers.

Guilt mobbed my conscience as I watched her fight the emergence of her byakugan, aware that this only happened to her under extreme stress. I remembered our childhood together, particularly the first time we discovered there was something wrong with her eyes. She had just lost a sparring session to Hinata and the humiliation of being defeated in front of her parents birthed the first contraction of the pathways on her face. I had been the one to catch her when she fell off the dais, and I had been the one to wipe the blood off the corners of her eyes.

She was not bleeding now, but I wished I could still reach out and press my thumb on those corners where tears formed and fell.

Ayano sucked in a breath and managed to compose herself, her left brow still twitching as a side-effect of her troubled byakugan . "Don't worry about living the rest of your life with me, Neji. I have every intention of _dying_ before our wedding day."

"Ayano-"

"Stop bothering me."

She stomped to the backdoor at the end of the corridor and disappeared into the brightness of the sunlight outside. I flexed my fingers, itching to punch the wall and disregard the Hokage's caution for me to prioritize my health.

I meandered in the corridor, clueless to any alternative venting method, and finally gave in to my desire to destroy something. Swinging my arm back, I tightened my fist and aimed at the window.

A hand blocked the center of my target and absorbed the blow. I leapt back, ready to fight, when I saw it was only Mr. Shikaku.

He wringed his hand and frowned at me. "Planning to get suspended for vandalism, Neji?"

I straightened up and focused on steadying my breathing. "No, sir."

"Lady Tsunade's preparations with her medical team should be over soon," he said. "I thought I told you to have Mimiko perform acupuncture on those protruding nerves? There are two ready to pop-up again."

I exhaled, slowly, and pressed down the said nerves. "Miss Mimiko was unavailable, so I went to the rehabilitation garden to rest instead."

"Will you be having problems with your byakugan during our experiment?"

"No, sir."

Mr. Shikaku prodded me to walk with him to the containment area. As he opened the backdoor for us, he said, "And if your engagement with little Miss Ayano is frustrating you, forget about it for the meantime. Inoichi knows I almost got beheaded by the enemy during a mission being distracted like that."

I stepped back from him, feeling exposed. My brain came up with no excuse for my behavior towards Ayano. He _must_ have heard everything I said to her.

Mr. Shikaku, seeming to have sensed my predicament, scratched his nape and said, "I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I was searching for you when I heard your argument from the adjacent corridor. Relax, son, those occurrences are normal. I'd worry if such marriage arrangement doesn't bother you at all."

"I wish I wasn't so cruel to her."

"You shouldn't have been regardless of how cruel she is to you. Girls who don't like the arrangement made for them usually make their partners suffer. It's a given." He let go of the doorknob and led the way. "It's good that you realize that. I only came to terms with my temper after I was married."

His honesty surprised me. I had never expected him to be open about his personal life. I cleared my throat and fixed my eyes straight ahead, chilled by the questions in my head. "You…were engaged as well, Mr. Shikaku?"

"Twice," he said. "The first was to a Hyuuga, actually."

"A Hyuuga!"

His shoulders stiffened. He stroked his beard to maintain his poise. "If I'm not mistaken, Aiko Hyuuga is supposed to be your mother's cousin."

"Y-you're _that man?_ "

He glimpsed me, wide-eyed. " _That man_? What man?"

"The groom who fought my grandfather on the day of your wedding day just to undo the engagement!"

"I never considered you to be one to gossip, Neji."

"I listen to Lady Hinata, sir," I defended. "Besides, I don't think it can be considered gossip if it's a widespread knowledge in my clan that conceived a tradition that is still in practice today."

"A tradition? What in the world did I do to your people?"

"Apparently, sir, your stunt initiated the tradition that the groom must first defeat the father of the bride in order for the marriage to proceed," I said. "The brides, along with the women of the family, are confined in holy sanctuaries to pray for the gods to intervene."

Mr. Shikaku broke his strides and halted beneath a Bunya tree, his scowl revealing the depth of his wrinkles. "That's a…slightly twisted concept based on my intentions for battling your grandfather."

"I am assuming you were desperate to get out of your betrothal."

"But your clan thought we, the Nara, simply wanted to prove ourselves stronger and was hiding it behind the excuse that I could not stomach to marry Aiko, hence your grandpa refused to battle me, kicked me out, and the whole agreement was canceled."

"May I know the reaction of your clan?"

"My father was furious, and to get away from him I considered going rogue, but my mother was a different story entirely." He shivered. "She's insane, I tell you – so insane that I planned to kill myself before she could even begin to torment me. Mind you, I recently passed the jounin exams then."

"My Aunt Aiko was every man's ideal woman, so my mother says. Ayano doesn't talk much about her because auntie died soon after she was born."

Mr. Shikaku gawked. "Ayano is Aiko's daughter?"

"You had no idea?"

"Well…" He tipped his head sideways and his posture softened. "I wasn't even allowed to attend her funeral…"

"Pardon my prying, sir."

"It's okay, son. You weren't prying – I was telling you willingly."

"Mr. Shikaku, do you hold a grudge against my blood?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Mother said _that man_ looked his worst on the day of his wedding to Aunt Aiko," I said. "You must have hated us if you were bold enough to challenge the head of our clan."

He snickered and resumed walking. "Your blood is not the problem, Neji. In fact, I'm so sure that Shikamaru would have been more enthusiastic about life had he been infested with a stronger blood than mine. No, the problem was mainly with me…" He perked up and gripped his ponytail. "Because one of her demands was that I wear my hair down once we were married and to a Nara that was a grave insult! That was never going to happen. Another reason was because I hated my mother and father. You see, if you have parents like mine – which I'm glad you do not – you will be deranged to the point that you begin to devote your life to their misery and being the heir to the main family, I thought I could accomplish that by giving them no grandchild."

"Ah."

"Ah?"

"Your line of thinking is probably the reason behind Shikamaru's…pessimism in his outlook of life."

His strides slowed. "You may be right. I always blamed my wife for our son's dullness. I might actually have a fault in it, too."

"But you changed," I said, a bit hesitant. "You must have, sir, because you have Shikamaru now, and it seems you are always ready to do the impossible for him.

A sad smile overcame his lips, and he put his hands in his trouser pockets and tipped his head back to watch the dark clouds cover the sun. "Human beings," he began, "we are always pursuing ways to redeem ourselves, especially shinobis. My second engagement, which was to Yoshino, taught me that instead of living my life to torment my parents, I should make better use of it by fathering a son and giving him the trust and respect every son deserves. Now look at him – he has the brains of a demigod and the attitude of an ugly duckling. Even Yoshino sometimes tell me that I should have married Aiko for the sake of having a livelier heir."

I burst into laughter. "You would have been my uncle, then, and he, my cousin."

Mr. Shikaku looked away, dropping his zest all too abruptly. I asked if he was okay, and his reply was 'that could have been'.

"But the Nara doesn't really fit the Hyuuga's regality, and what you did to Ayano so you can peek at what's inside that leather bag doesn't, also," he said, and nodded at the genjustu of a mini clearing in front of us.

I looked at him from the corner of my eye, feeling my face heat up in annoyance.

"Why did you do that, Neji?"

Realization crashed on me. He must have been following Ayano with the purpose of knowing the contents of the bag just like I was. This whole talk about arranged marriages and family affairs was for the purpose of breaking my guard. "You knew I would use my byakugan."

"I'm the Hidden-leaf's tactician, Neji. I can read people, and I can tell that you are mad at me for using you."

"Indeed, I am."

"That's pointless. We have a common interest at hand. What you saw in that bag can confirm my suspicions, so you have to tell me right now what it is."

"What suspicions?"

"I'll tell you once they're confirmed."

"Does this have something to do with the case, Mr. Shikaku? Because I'm well aware that _some people_ are doing things behind our back."

He sidestepped so we were standing abreast and could hear each other through hushed voices. "I underestimated you. If you tell me now, I'll know what those things are, exactly."

I folded my arms against my chest, weighing my options, and decided that stubbornness would get me nowhere. "Two jars of preserved snakes. What does that mean?"

His eyebrows, ever so slowly, inched upwards, and he gaped at me like a child that was told he was walking the wrong road leading home. I repeated my question to liberate him from the trance of his own making.

"Swear on your life that it will not reach another soul," he said.

"Only if you answer me now."

"It's _Orochimaru_ ," he breathed. "It must be _him_."

"…H-how?"

"Lady Tsunade has slowed the proceedings of my team since Master Jiraiya arrived. Inoichi said even Ino has been avoiding him, but it was Kakashi's testimony that led me to pursue my suspicions." He lowered his voice further, "Anko is missing."

"She's in Laboratory Five."

"She's not," he said. "And we're sure of that. Kakashi and I pulled it out from our sources inside the laboratories. He thinks that she's been dispatched by the Hokage to confirm something."

I snapped my head up at him, barely able to contain the rage in my expression. "The Fifth is cutting us out of the case."

"She must have slowed my investigation in order to race me to the conclusion that Orochimaru is involved – that he is the real mastermind behind this."

The memory of last evening's encounter with Master Jiraiya in the Hokage Tower returned to me and I developed an accurate interpretation of why the Fifth must have been throwing a tantrum in her office.

She was upset, and she was upset because this was getting too personal for her.

"Lady Tsunade is proceeding out of self-interest now," I said. "We have to do something before this gets out of hand."

"We have to complete the experiment on Sai first," he said, holding his chin while he lost himself in his own thoughts. "And if Sai has indeed progressed with the rebirth undetected, then it is safe to assume that this is Orochimaru's doing. No one can perform such a complicated jutsu like he can. I'll confront the Hokage afterwards."

A suffocating silence befell us. The genjutsu of the clearing remained a beguiling image that would have fooled any shinobi that wasn't paying enough attention. Nobody knew that beyond that false landscape, there lay the containment area that hid a secret – a secret that could break the village we vowed to protect with our lives.

Mr. Shikaku stared at it without blinking.

I asked what I could do for him. He blinked at me, registering my offer with the pace of an old man. At last, he answered, "I believe Kakashi will be handling Naruto once the rest of the team is told the truth. He mentioned something about Naruto holding a grudge against Orochimaru for the Uchiha's disappearance, and that will certainly ignite a one-man riot that will require Yamato's expertise to ease out. I quite understand where all that anger will be coming from."

"First Sasuke, now Sakura and Sai as well," I said. "Mr. Shikaku, there is something I can do to help you, I know."

He held his forehead and he released a sharp breath. "Neji, you do not understand the enormity of this matter. Once Konoha finds out what we're hiding, they'll realize we've betrayed them. We have become enemies by withholding from them the fact that Orochimaru may have committed an act of war, and our undue discretion has eaten the time we should have spent in preparation for an attack instead."

"Once something happens to me - " he squeezed my shoulder " – get yourself out immediately. I will declare that you were lied to and used. They will believe me, and you must not act the hero by admitting your involvement. Are we clear on that?"

"But then-"

"It will buy you enough time to explain everything to Shikamaru before he can be taken into military custody. He will figure something out, but in case he begins to risk his life and rebel against Konoha, by all means, shut him up. He will loathe you for that but…I can't…I just can't lose my son, Neji."

The warmth of his hand reminded me of father's presence. I wondered how far my own father would go to spare me from this madness, or if he even thought me worth his strength after what I did to Ayano. "Mr. Shikaku, isn't that the same reason Lady Tsunade is acting out of self-interest?" I said, and quickly added that the Hokage thought she, too, could not bear losing Sakura Haruno.

The direction of the sunlight altered, and his shadow loomed over me, hiding me in the gloom of this scarce woodland. "Shikamaru is a victim – only a victim," he said.

"You mean Konoha will only eliminate the threats?"

"He will be duly punished, but he should not be crucified for something that was not his fault." He formed a series of hand seals and broke the double layers of genjutsus that blocked our path. "And please tell no one – especially Shikamaru – about Aiko and I."

I caught something else in his tone, a deeper hurt that subsisted in what was left unsaid between him and my aunt. Curious as I was, I let it go.

We entered the third room of the first hall, and there we joined the three groups that had already assembled. On the furthest right sat the Hokage's handful of medics, including Miss Shizune, Ino Yamanaka, and Ayano.

Mr. Shikaku proceeded to stand in front of his investigation team, to the right of Mr. Inoichi Yamanaka.

I went to the middle, ignoring the quantity of our independent team. It was only supposed to be Naruto, Miss Anko, and I, but for some reason, Kakashi had joined us. I didn't bother to ask where she was since Kakashi would find out from Mr. Shikamaru later on that I knew their secret.

"You've been briefed?" I asked Naruto.

He scratched the collar of his black shirt and refused to meet my gaze. "Mr. Nara knows, doesn't he?"

"Of course he does."

Naruto stilled. His complexion paled. "He's angry?"

Kakashi doubled the knot of the black belt around his waist and dusted his black trousers. "Your stunt would have been easier to pardon had you acted out of anger, but you didn't," he said. "Everything was premeditated on your part, meaning you purposely risked sabotaging the entire case."

" _I led us here."_

"You could have gotten us elsewhere, Naruto." I glimpsed Mr. Shikaku, who was too busy conversing with Kazuo and Isas to notice us.

Kakashi pointed at Naruto's forehead protector. "Let's drop the subject, please. It's not like Shikaku will hunt you down. He doesn't hurt children. Anyway, remove your forehead protector or wear it elsewhere. Sai is an artist – he has a penchant for details. Let him notice that things aren't how they should be."

I took in their appearance. "So the funeral's supposed to be today?"

Naruto lowered his forehead protector to his neck. "It's not funny what we're doing. What if Sai hasn't morphed into Ryo?"

"Now you're changing your mind?"

"I can't…" Naruto gripped his clothes and looked down at himself. "Kakashi, does Sakura have to know about this experiment?"

Kakashi sighed, the strength of his posture leaving with his breath. "Naruto, it's not the time to worry about that. We're only pretending that Sakura is dead for the sake of seeing Sai's reaction. She doesn't even know she's experiencing the rebirth."

"But once this is all over?" he said, hopeful. "She doesn't have to know. I've never considered the prospect of attending her funeral."

I couldn't decide if he was being too sentimental or not, but either way, it disturbed me to witness the weight of his affections for her. He wouldn't do anything against her even if the chances that she'd find out were minimal. We needed this to execute the experiment; I was certain that if, in the future, Sakura was told, she wouldn't mind.

The future.

Naruto was convinced Sakura had a future.


	26. Chapter Twenty-Five

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Twenty-Five**

 **Sakura**

Naruto and I were walking to Ichiraku Ramen. Each step forward vivified the setting. The heat of the sun on my skin, the wrinkles on my blouse, the healing wound on my shin, the solidity of the ground beneath my feet – slowly unravelling towards me as though reality was a hungry man eager to chew the dream and ingest it as part of reality.

And I had had dreams like these, where the longer I stayed, the stronger the images became. There was a nuance, however, in this projection that told me I had to hold onto whatever was coming my way. Keep myself grounded because this version of reality was healthy.

"I nearly blew my cover!" Naruto said while making exaggerated motions that forced people to get out of our way. "But I picked up on the idiot's true implication and I segued back to the gossip about children being whisked away in the middle of the night. Man, was I smart! And Kakashi thinks I can't get myself out of trouble without using my fists! Hmph!"

"Oh please! As if that's exactly what happened! Sai told me you blew your cover soon enough!"

"It was his fault!"

I was about to respond when, upon turning my head, I spotted Shikamaru breaking free from the crowd with a cigarette stuck between his lips. It irked me that he was smoking. Okay, it wasn't exactly the fact that he was smoking that got to me but how it proved men's incompetence in dealing with their grief.

He shifted his gaze and saw me.

Naruto shouted his name to call his attention. Shikamaru gave us a curt wave. I said hi. He said hi. He passed by me with his head down. I inhaled. I sucked in a breath as though I was preparing to dive under water.

The moment my lungs were full, the sky had darkened and I was no longer in Konoha.

The sound of crickets and leaves shuffling served as first indications that I was in the forest. The hardness of the ground beneath my body came next, and then the vague sight of the canopy overhead. Before long I found myself listening to the clicking sound of a metal snapping shut repeatedly.

I pulled myself up to sit and squinted in the gloom. Sai's pale skin glowed in the dimness of the night. He remained seated as he slept. Not even his breathing disturbed the silence - a silence continually broken by that snapping sound.

Shikamaru sat on a rock he had placed at the mouth of the tiny clearing of damp soil and leaves where we decided to make camp for the night. The metal casing of the lighter in his hand glistened through what sparse moonlight seeped through the gaps in the canopy.

He sensed me and whispered, "What's wrong?"

I pointed at the lighter. "You keep doing that."

"Sorry."

"Isn't it my shift now?"

"Think so."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"You'll be using a lot of your chakra in diagnosing and researching that thing our client Kana has. Thought you'd be better off resting."

"That's true." I rubbed my eyes and yawned. "But if you're tired, I can take over. It's not like I can go back to sleep now."

"Yeah? Why not?"

"You keep doing that thing."

Shikamaru turned on the rock to see me better. He lifted the lighter. "I'm not doing anything with it anymore."

"No, that thing," I said and motioned to his face. "That sad expression. It bothers me."

"I...don't have a sad expression."

"Not the fact that you're still grieving. Don't get me wrong, okay? That's not what gets me. I can't emphasize how normal it is – this phase you're going through. It's just that…I know it's selfish but I'm a medic and every time I work with shinobis like you who are still facing the initial blow of a loss, I'm troubled by how little I can actually do for you. It's so incredibly stupid if I can help our client but I can't do anything for you. For everyone who's hurt by someone's death."

Shikamaru's shoulders trembled. He tipped his head back and laughed. "I-I don't mean to – sorry, Sakura!"

"Wha - are you alright?"

"I was actually calculating how much I'll be making from this mission so I can repay dad! I wasn't..." His laughter faded. He wiped the corners of his eyes. "Sorry, Sakura. I didn't know financial stuff could make me look so miserable to a medic. It would help heaps if you can tell dad what his nagging does to me."

I waited for this noise called laughing to die down. For every jerk of his shoulders and elbows to relax. Once I was sure he'd be able to hear me above his manic reaction, I said, "Move."

"…What?"

"If you don't want to cry, you don't lie to a medic. You move. Tensing your muscles – being in action – makes you feel in control which opposes emotional tears which is primarily caused by helplessness." I felt for my rucksack and lay on the ground. "Don't worry. You're not the first man I've caught crying."

"Sakura."

"Yes?"

"Move!"

I rose to my feet and felt the edge of the table in my hands. I surged forward and pushed it against the backdoor but it was too late. Naruto burst in like a ball of orange flame.

Shikamaru stepped in front of me, holding a hand-seal in place. His shadow elongated and seized Naruto, who was sitting on top of the table with a sour frown.

"Naruto!"

"Don't worry, Shikamaru, I'm not here to hurt you," he said. "I'm here to warn you."

Shikamaru bent on one knee to hold the jutsu. "Warn me?"

Naruto refused to even look at me. He kept his fists at his sides, and his eyes solely on him. "You're my friend, and I told you I would help you with this so here I am."

He broke free from Shikamaru's shadow binding technique and grabbed him by the head. Like breaking open a fruit, he dug his fingers in Shikamaru's scalp until something other than flesh and blood came out of him. Naruto growled and reddened at the effort but he did not stop. He kept pulling Shikamaru apart from -

Apart from what?

The head of a familiar man ripped away from Shikamaru until their necks, shoulders, elbows, knees, and toes were completely separated.

Sasuke and Shikamaru stood several feet apart, both bent on their knees and gasping. Both looking at me as though anticipating a similarly painful event. Suddenly, Shikamaru was standing next to me and holding my wrist. He lifted my arm and put my hand above Sasuke's head. "Don't forget Sasuke, Sakura. He's not me. He's not Ryo."

I woke up so very slowly in Shikamaru's ancestral house. Each blink came with a nagging in my consciousness that dreams were full of hidden longings and irrational images. I kicked off my blanket and stretched before rolling on my stomach and retrieving Shikamaru's team photograph and mine.

Naruto's appearance some nights ago washed me with discomfort that actually felt good deep within my being. I heard myself clearly when I mistook Shikamaru for a member of Team Seven. Mistook him for Sasuke, even. I'd paced the kitchen attempting to understand what was happening to my brain. I'd looked back and discovered that wasn't the first time I made that mistake. Over and over I'd overlapped memories of Sasuke with Shikamaru, continuously merging them and identifying them as one.

Putting my thoughts into words and having physical evidences of their separate identities helped. The farther away Naruto's presence became, however, the easier it was to slip back to forgetting these important facts.

I rotated my wedding ring in my finger. Fifteen years of marriage out of my sixteen years of existence. The first time I contemplated those numbers, I thought them correct in spite of the obvious peculiarities that surrounded the case. But now I simply felt I'd been lied to but the lie was the tangible reality I was living.

As I was getting out of bed to check the scrolls in a desperate attempt to feed my curiosity, Shikamaru woke up. He told me to tell him about the dream. He even touched my face the way he wasn't supposed to but was permitted to because…well, he was my husband, wasn't he?

With his hands on either side of my face to see me better in the dark, he asked, "Are you alright? You don't look too well."

"Nightmares don't leave people with an after-glow."

"That bad?"

His touch melted the ice of confusion beneath my skin. That delicate ice representing my confusion over our relationship.

There was something about being physically close to him that made me thirsty. It was as though he was a memento from my origins that I could cling to. A gift I could hold onto when the world as I knew it was slipping. It might not have been normal for him to be touching me like this, but that didn't mean I hated it.

That was probably how I came about merging my notion of him as a mere acquaintance to the persistent knowledge of him as my husband. He always closed the distance between us and touched me this way and that, making me believe we were something we weren't.

Tonight, however, I knew something was different. I was aware that he was feeding me a faulty notion and this awareness alone had hindered it from growing. Now I wanted to touch him because regardless of what game he was playing with me, I knew for a fact he was my link back to sanity. A pounding from the deep of my soul knew when he wasn't playing that game and my sanity fed on those moments.

He was either going to break me or save me.

I pouted and shrugged my shoulders. "We said hi to you and you said hi back and that was it. It was as if we weren't husband and wife – just acquaintances who occasionally work together. It was like another life entirely where you didn't leave me and I didn't hold anything against you. I remember feeling it was nice. That version of us three. It was nice."

He took a deep breath and said, "Nice to think we weren't husband and wife?"

"No, idiot!" I slapped his arm. "After yesterday, I just got to thinking it would've been easier on us if we just ended up together under more normal circumstances. Like if we met and dated and married like other couples would've. Without you leaving. Without me waiting. And without us trying to work this relationship out while saving Konoha at every turn."

"You mean if…we were just two average shinobis who so happen to fall in love with each other?"

Safety. A room I could breathe in. Two average shinobis from Konoha. We talked about what could have been and what we'd have done to end up together. No Sasuke. No lonely winter and days left waiting for someone who might never return.

The warmth I found in Naruto's presence returned. Only now it was Shikamaru oozing this warmth I so craved, hushing this voice in my head telling me to burn the map and kill the enemy.

I kissed Shikamaru. When I kissed him I remembered talking to him in the dimness of the forest, I remembered seeing him with a cigarette, and I remembered a particular incident when I caught him smoking in the hospital and I apologized for my inability to cure anything beyond the physical.

We were Shikamaru and Sakura and kissing him was awkward but probably the best thing I had done for myself in a while.

But then he tossed me on the mattress and stopped. The second my back landed on the mattress and I was deprived of his touch – of my desire to hold onto the one thing that made me feel secure – I landed back to that voice that said we were husband and wife. We had been married for sixteen years. Burn the map. Kill the enemy.

Naruto felt so far away it was as though he'd never shaken me awake in the first place.

Why couldn't Shikamaru understand that I needed to feel as real as he was? I needed him to kiss me back because of who I was and not because I was his wife. I needed to feel loved because our isolation in the forest made the pounding within me feel small and non-existent. But if I could only feel he was here for me and not for his wife, I'd not feel so insignificant.

"…You agree because you know I'm worried sick about you ninety percent of the time since we left the hospital. And because we can't really forget anything that's happened so far but we're putting that behind us to build this really strong friendship that will serve as foundation for whatever comes afterwards," he said as he was crouched over me.

This person I kissed was the Shikamaru who was my husband, not the Shikamaru who cried secretly in the forest and bought me dinner and told me I was a talentless kunoichi.

The voice was returning. The ice forming and blocking my pores. That night I fought for myself but he wouldn't help me.

* * *

After we visited the box in the forest the following day and Shikamaru went away to take a nap, I pressed my forehead against the door through which Naruto burst through. Nothing but the cold embraced me. My grip on myself was slipping and being replaced by entirely different facts.

If only Naruto would appear here only Shikamaru would let me touch him so I could tell myself he was real and not just some foundation through which I was reviving Sasuke in my head. If only he'd do something more blatant to confirm my identity.

Time was passing quickly for me. Whatever this was could easily devour me if I didn't act on it.

 _But what am I fighting exactly?_

I paced the kitchen because I had to move. Tense myself to prevent my tears from falling.

At the back of my head I knew something was wrong but I couldn't put a name on it. I twisted open the faucet and washed my face. I wasn't sure if my tears of frustration fell then.

"Are you trying to drown yourself?"

I jolted and turned to my right. Shikamaru leaned against the wall and pointed at the faucet. "You might want to close that now."

I twisted the faucet close and wiped my hands on my clothes. "I thought you'd be dozing off longer. I was just about to start on the scrolls."

"Thought the same but the headaches suddenly left and I'm feeling better now."

"That's odd. Do you want me to check you?"

"Nah. Probably just stress. I should ask dad about those boxes soon."

"Good." I nodded. "Should I-we-you and I go and start on the scrolls?"

"Sure. I'll lay them out for you." He made a move to go but stopped. He unfolded two photographs from his pocket and placed them on the table. "Oh, by the way, I think these are the only copies we'll get of our team photos. I don't know about you but Ino will kill me if she sees what you've done with mine. I can tell her it's your fault and hope she'll forgive you because the two of you have been best friends since – heck, the beginning of time? – but she's overly sentimental so we'll probably get in trouble. You're on your own if she attacks you, okay? Right. I'm off to the living room. And you might want to wash your face again. You look a bit sick."

I listened to his footsteps to make sure he was gone before I washed my face again. The sudden shift in his attitude towards me made me stiff. It triggered a pulsating in my temples. This was the blatant act I needed.

If, before, the whispering in my head only hissed at my resistance, now the tiniest affirmations from Shikamaru made it mad.

Mad as in raving.

This voice pressed down on the strength I found in Shikamaru's affirmation. It pressed down hard enough for me to begin trembling.

After drying up, I followed him to the living room. I watched him as he re-taped the scrolls on the wall, so consumed with the task to even notice the gravity of my glare. I uncapped a green highlighter and ran it across the paragraph I marked a few days ago. "I think I'm not compatible with cold weather. Anyway, I'm fine now. What do you think of the map?" I asked.

He stepped away from it briefly. "There's a pattern here…like it's supposed to lead to something…"

"Something?"

"You said so yourself - " he put his hands on his waist and turned around to glimpse me. " – the map is leading somewhere. Or were it the voices in your head that said so?"

I considered his gaze, wondered if he was calculating my movements. "Yeah. But like I said, I forgot. I don't think I'll remember them now."

"Are you hearing those voices now?" he asked and raised his eyebrows. "Are they telling you to burn down the map?"

I resumed highlighting the passages. The pressure of my grip cracked the plastic casing of the pen. Who was I? Who was he?

"No. I'm not hearing voices anymore. It helps when you sound so suspicious of me."

He sighed. "I'm not. You were so honest about your thoughts on that pillowcase I thought you wouldn't mind my asking about the voices. You're my teammate. It's important for me to know those things. We're in a mission to defeat the enemy, after all. "

 _He'll find the targets,_ said the voice. _He'll figure it out, and then you're finished._

"Will you tell me if ever you hear those voices again?"

"Sure."

He turned his back on me and crouched in front of the wall, studying the scrolls. I snapped my head up to look at him. He was going to find the targets. I scratched my back, wanting to confess the truth but fearing he'd try but wouldn't be able to fully understand me.

Before long, this voice pressed down until I was convinced he was a threat.

I didn't know when I reached for the cutter and pushed out the blade; it was in my possession the second I ripped my sight off Shikamaru. Ignoring the itching in my back, I crept forward with the cutter.

The wood felt like ice beneath my bare feet, and I dreaded the rest of my journey towards my target. Walking on slippery ground was not something I was used to. There was never enough winter in Konoha to form thin sheets of ice anywhere; hence training in such cold conditions was a rare opportunity.

I wondered how big a contrast red would be against the white of snow. It was a pity I couldn't kill him in the snow-covered meadow; I would have gotten my answer. As it was, I had to settle for killing him in a messy living room.

The intense itching of my back shattered my trance all of a sudden, and the next I was fully conscious and aware of my surroundings, Shikamaru was standing close to me, staring directly into my eyes. I lowered my arm from above my head and dropped the cutter. The blade struck the wooden floor.

I couldn't move. Glancing down, I realized he had bound me to his shadow.

" _Sakura_ ," he said. "I know you're there and you can hear me. I'll ask you again: are you still hearing Kana's voice?"


	27. Chapter Twenty-Six

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Twenty - Six**

 **Kakashi**

I once saw Sai when he was still a boy, and I never expected to see him out of Danzo's fist since he was branded a member of Root. I remembered thinking that he was a lost, stark canvas begging for an owner – for any hand to draw on him so he could identify who he was. So I was glad to learn from Yamato later on, after he came back from a mission with my team and I asked him to report to me, that this boy had a friend in Root that he considered his brother. He had not been completely alone - not entirely lost - while growing up.

It was Sakura who told me that Sai lost this friend, and I knew she navigated the conversation in that direction to avoid having to elaborate on their encounter with Sasuke. She had sat on the bench beneath my favourite tree and started talking about their journey, and I had remained lying on the tree branch, listening to her like a grown-up ought to because I felt responsible for her loss.

 _Sasuke._

"You know, it's really sad that Shin died."

"Who is Shin?"

"The only friend Sai had in whatever world he was raised in," she said. "It's such a shame."

"Is it?"

"I'm guessing he's the only family Sai had."

"It's better than having had no friend at all."

"Still, it's bad that he died," she had insisted. "I mean, it's kind of hard being a shinobi without people to support you...without those important people to pick you up every time you trip on your own foot or get beaten by enemies. I was thinking that we're more prone to losing ourselves compared to anybody else. Kakashi, am I making sense?"

I closed my Icha Icha book then and hopped down the tree to sit beside her. "Not really, but you might if you start explaining it more clearly and stop tapping your finger on this bench. You are aware that you are denting the stone, aren't you?"

"Huh? Ah! I didn't notice!"

I did understand what she meant. It seemed to me, however, that she hadn't yet and it was only through voicing her thoughts that she could get a better grasp of it. "So what is it about losing ourselves?" I asked.

The sudden loneliness that enveloped her was not something I could shake off from my memory even today. I blamed it on letting myself care too much for her and Naruto. Cracks existed in the barrier I had created between me and my students, and now that they had grown up and I was no longer their teacher, I could feel those cracks trembling. In my gut hid the knowledge that I failed with one student once – I couldn't afford to fail with another again.

Sakura had hunched low and buried her face in her hands. "I can't take this off my mind! Lately I've been reflecting on how difficult it must be to get a good hold of your identity without friends and family around and then there's Naruto and worse – Sai! It's disheartening whenever I realize they're not being stupid about things because they want to. They're feeling their way in the dark because no one has set directions for them. I don't know how you manage to do it. Although, it's not like you're any more normal than they are but you're kind of slightly tolerable. Shit. I wish they mature with age. Shit. I hope they don't lose their way like Sasuke did."

She was right.

We, shinobis, walked a path that needed the continuous light of people we cared for and people who cared for us in return. Otherwise, it was so easy to slip towards the darkness of anger and vengeance. I was more worried about Naruto in that concern since he had more reason to betray Konoha, but I forgot about that little pang as I anticipated entering Sai's recovery room.

Unlike Naruto, Sai was only beginning to get a taste of friendship and camaraderie. He didn't have much to hold on to if he was fighting this rebirth. Maybe his own weak grip on his identity was the right nourishment that the rebirth needed to grow undetected.

I could have made something more of these theories had Anko been present to verify the connection of a person's emotional strength to any rebirth jutsu.

I couldn't believe she went behind my back on this case. But then again, that was Anko. You could give her the best reason to live and still she would choose to die in her quest to defeat Orochimaru.

"The force field is currently in effect," declared the Fifth. "As of this moment, nobody will be allowed to leave and enter the containment area until my ANBU team outside receives consent from me to break down the barrier."

Neji folded his arms against his chest and asked what the barrier was for. His intonation bent more towards suspicion rather than curiosity, an observation that led me to glance in Shikaku's direction.

He didn't glance back at me, but it was enough to hint to him that I was asking.

Lady Tsunade shut her eyes tightly for a moment as Shizune slipped a lab coat on her. "It's pretty obvious that Naruto's theory on Sai is bordering on the impossible," she said. "But it isn't quite there yet. The theory still makes a little sense; hence we had to make sure that there are no external forces influencing Ryo's rebirth in Sai. Once that loophole is closed, we can focus on the medical aspect of the case."

"Do you mean somebody outside could be influencing Sai?" Ino asked. Her ponytail sagged at the back of her head and her skin bore little difference from the stark lab coat she and the rest of the medical team donned. Yet it wasn't her fatigued physical state that made me stare.

The hardness in her expression implied some degree of suspicion. Did she know about the alternate route Lady Tsunade was treading in order to conclude this case? She must. They were always together in Lab Five. But somehow I doubted that the Fifth would let her in on their secret.

Ino may be a Yamanaka, but she was not so mentally strong as to be a candidate for whatever scheme the Fifth was weaving. Maybe she, like Ayano Hyuuga, was a perfect team player if all Lady Tsunade needed were exponents.

The Hokage was well aware that the rest of us would be against her.

Kazuo poked his head out of Sai's room. "We're almost done with the inner barrier, Fifth. Sai will wake up right after."

"Yes, yes." She waved him away and returned her gaze to the rest of us, surprised at the silence we communed in anticipation for her answer to Ino's question. "A rebirth progressing undetected is not possible for two reasons: first, we've got Neji and Ayano keeping watch of Sai's pathways every hour of the day; second, because I'm the head of this damn case. So unless another medical genius is somehow manipulating Sai from the outside, there's no other way that theory can be plausible."

Naruto stepped out of our crowd. "But who else can there be, Grandma? Kana and Ryo are dead."

"And they're not geniuses for apparent reasons," Neji added.

"The question of who, where, and what is not your problem." She lowered her voice now, feeling the density of the air seep from Sai's room. "This is why I hate working with children. You ask too many questions. What's important today is we find out whether your theory is correct or not. I'll be briefing all of you for the last time, so listen up. Naruto will go in first. While he strikes a conversation with Sai, Ayano and Neji will be watching his pathways. Kakashi, I need you to stay on Sai's side of the room but close enough to the division to heed my instructions. We won't want any violence between the two boys, do we?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Don't give me that frown, Naruto," she said. "Worse comes to worse, these two ANBUs behind me will assist Kakashi in pinning Sai down so I can inject him with what drug will suit his reaction. Otherwise, if the theory is proven incorrect, we will proceed with the third blood transfusion today and you can throw Naruto back in the new prison cell we prepared for his training with Jiraiya. Oh, and before I forget, where's Yamato?"

I squeezed Naruto's shoulder to steady him. "Yamato is outside, balancing his chakra with the limit of the force field just in case he may need to use a restraining jutsu."

"He won't have to," Naruto growled and he stomped past Lady Tsunade to the recovery room. " _I promise_."

She threw a glare my way. I scratched my head.

This was one of the days I wished Minato had been alive to bear the responsibility of fathering his son. The fourth trained me to dismember assassins, not to supervise an adolescent boy with a nine-tailed fox in his belly.

Neji and Ayano entered next. I followed behind them.

The room reeked with ink and solutions of various chemicals I could not differentiate. Shikaku wrinkled his nose and signalled for me to stand with him behind the Hyuugas.

With their byakugan activated, they muttered to Isas a continuous progression of coordinates pertaining to Sai's pathways. As Neji was concluding the status of the last coordinates that Ayano mentioned, Naruto elbowed my rib. I stifled a wince and grumbled, "That's my broken rib."

"I don't think you'll get anything out of this." Neji glanced back at us.

"Don't underestimate a rebirth jutsu," Shikaku said. "Naruto, I hope you've thought carefully about what you plan to say."

"Sai's opening his eyes," Ayano hissed. She made a hand signal to Shizune and the medics in the background blended in the shadows. I closed my eyes for a moment to trace their chakras. I had done this once to find Sakura in the battlefield. For seconds I had been convinced she was dead because her chakra was invisible, only to be surprised later on with the revelation that she had finally acquired this technique distinct to medics.

Once Naruto was given the green light to enter the division, I leaned over to Shikaku and whispered, "If the rebirth in Sakura goes undetected, it might have to do with the immense stability of her chakra. The moment Kana has control of her, it will be too easy to suppress her chakra until it ceases to exist altogether."

"And if this theory is correct?"

"It will be too late for Sakura."

Shikaku merely nodded.

I walked past the division and breathed in the lightness in the air. Naruto had stopped in the middle of the room to stare at Sai as he blinked himself awake. I gave Naruto enough time to absorb the normalcy on this side of the division first.

He glimpsed me, curious about the lack of medical machines and paraphernalia. I tipped my head to Sai's direction, indicating it was okay to begin.

"H-hey..." Naruto dragged himself to the bedside. "Whoa! You look like...hehe..."

Sai pressed his head against the pillow in order to look up at him. "Naruto?"

"Who else?" He laughed. "You wanna keep lying down or d'you wanna sit for a change?"

Sai remained quiet for a couple of seconds and then he extended his arm forward. Naruto flexed his fingers before reaching to touch his arm. With one pull, Sai was hunched over his knees and coughing.

"Do you need a medic?" I asked.

His head snapped towards me. "Kakashi. I didn't notice."

"I expected that," I said. "Do you need a medic?"

Rubbing at his face, he yawned and said he simply needed a few more moments to pull himself together. Naruto faked a laugh. "What you need is to get out of here and spar with me! You're so out of shape, I'm sure I can literally kick your ass back to a hospital bed!"

"That's never going to happen." Sai chuckled, his shoulders shuddering with the effort. "How are Sakura and Shikamaru?"

Naruto opened his mouth to answer but I raced him to it. "We're not allowed to indulge you with that information."

Sai's eyes lingered on me. "Me?"

"You were asleep for a long time, Sai. We'd tell you, eventually, but not now."

Naruto punched his arm playfully. "Yeah, zombie. It's too early to be thinking about that now...besides, there's something more important that I want to talk about."

"What is it, Naruto?"

He looked away. He pulled at his collars as though he was still trying fit into his shirt. "D-do you remember the first time we went out as a team? Y'know, with Captain Yamato and Sakura?"

"Of course."

"We didn't like you then."

"I suppose."

"But after we got home, Sakura pulled me aside and told me that she couldn't shake off the image of you defending me from Sasuke - " Naruto inhaled and struggled to sustain a grin. "- She said that she always thought it would be the other way around. Not that you would attack me with the intent to kill me, but what she meant was that it should have been Sasuke on our side...but it isn't so bad, is it? You're not Sasuke's replacement – you're a new member of the team. Right, Kakashi?"

I purposely remained quiet, both for the purpose of hinting Sai of where this conversation was leading and for sensing any instruction from the other side of the division.

"Kakashi?"

"Of course," I said. "Sakura would have said it better, though."

The horror that emerged in Sai's expression made itself more evident in the increased pace of his heartbeat, as could be seen in the monitoring machine. He whipped his head back and fro Naruto and I. "Has something happened to Sakura? I thought Shikamaru was with her."

"Sai..." Naruto made an act of reaching out to him but hesitated. He looked at me for emphasis on his act before saying, "She's dead."

"Excuse me?"

"Sakura died." Naruto tipped his head back to keep his tears from falling. "Sakura died. The rebirth killed her. Ryo killed her. I-I...and I can't fucking help but think perhaps Shikamaru was right. At least Kana died with her."

Sai hunched lower and grabbed his chest. His pupils roamed the circumference of his eyeballs and he gasped greedily for air. "No!" he shrieked, again and again, louder and louder. "NO! SHE CAN'T BE DEAD! SHE CAN'T BE DEAD! I REVIVED HER IN SAKURA! SHE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO DIE!"

The nerves protruded from the reddening skin of his throat. He pitched the blanket aside and flailed his legs off the bed. "MY WIFE! YOU KILLED MY WIFE!"

Just as I bent my knees to make a leap for him and to defend Naruto, Naruto tackled Sai back on the bed and punched him once.

Lady Tsunade, along with the two ANBUs, stood frozen behind me. Naruto heaved himself off Sai and arranged his friend's body on the middle of the bed. The Fifth stepped forward. I stretched my arm sideways to stop her.

Naruto rounded the bed and picked up the discarded blanket. He dusted it and flung it over Sai. The white cloth traced the outline of Sai's body like it was created for that sole purpose. "He's only unconscious," he mumbled. "Didn't trust you not to hurt him with those injections and drugs – and Kakashi, I can't believe you're giving up on Sakura."

The arm I used to block the Fifth weakened. I let it drop to my side. "I'm not."

"She and Sai are two different cases and I don't fucking care how little that difference is!" He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "You know what makes me so sad? It's because all of you are convinced that both of them are hopeless! They're stronger than you allow yourself to acknowledge and I bet my life they're going to prove you all wrong!"

"Shut up, Naruto." Lady Tsunade walked past him and pressed the needle into the inside of Sai's left elbow. "Nobody said we're giving up. You did a good job. Go and take a rest. We've got lots to do. Shizune, help me in here. Shikaku, have an ANBU escort Shikamaru back to Konoha. We'll need him."

As the people moved into this side of the division, Naruto and I remained staring at each other.

I concluded then that Naruto wasn't acting when he tipped his head back to contain his tears. He knew much earlier than the rest of us did that Sai was not himself. He had moved beyond scientific facts and used his sense, and his sense told him that the theory was correct. Naruto was preparing to put Sai down himself. I should have told him it was a brave thing to do, but I was too overwhelmed with the questions striking my morality.

Should I let Naruto hope, or should I tell him this early that Orochimaru had won?

Sai was beyond salvation. Sakura was already dead.

"Kakashi," Shikaku called from the other side of the division. I broke away from Naruto's glare and walked over to my superior, calculating what my next orders would be.

Shikaku waited for the rest of the medics to horde Sai and desert this corner of the room. Inoichi looked at Lady Tsunade, and then at us. Neji Hyuuga approached our group.

"From now on – " Shikaku glimpsed the faces of the men surrounding him " – we're an independent squad. The Fifth's next steps will be tactless. Kakashi, deliver Sakura and Shikamaru to Konoha right now. I'm going to the elders."


	28. Chapter Twenty-Seven

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Twenty - Seven**

 **Shikamaru**

"I tried to kill you, Shikamaru," she said.

There was something heartbreaking with the way her pupils quivered as they tried to focus on me. I released the shadow binding jutsu despite the reluctance grilling in my gut, telling me that it was too soon to trust her. But I would never know when she was her real self and when she was not, would I?

I could assume that it was her stare that was making this difficult to handle. Sakura expected me to know her – to know her well enough to make her confusion go away. How could I break her expectations without breaking _her_?

Slowly, I raised my trembling hands and held her wrists. She jolted.

"Kana tried to kill me," I managed to say. "Not you, Sakura."

"What?"

"You're under a rebirth jutsu."

Silence permeated the tension between her and me.

Sakura's breathing hastened. "I-I...I don't understand."

"The whole mission about helping Kana get rid of the malignant tumour in her body was a deception to lure you into her and Ryo's trap," I said, tightening my hold on her. "They've been eyeing you since you were thirteen. When Kakashi and Sasuke forced you to leave Kana's hut in the forest because there were 'eyes in the wall', you all thought that it was one of Orochimaru's henchmen eyeing Sasuke. That could be true, but it could also be that those eyes were Ryo's and they've long chosen you to be Kana's vessel."

Sakura wrenched one hand free from my grip and reached her back to scratch. I transferred my right arm around her waist in time to catch her weight. She opened and closed her mouth, unaware that she was barely standing. No word came out of her. In the end, only tears could justify the moment.

"Sakura," I breathed into her ear. "Please-"

"I don't understand." She hit my chest. "I don't understand!"

I lowered her to the floor and sat in front of her, stretching my leg to her side so as to prevent her from crawling out of my reach. " _Sakura, listen_ ," I said. "The rebirth ceremony already started when Sai and I arrived at the cave to rescue you. Sai fought Ryo while I tried to deactivate the seal around the pond. Once I thought it was safe, I jumped into the pond and cut the cord that bound you to Kana, and Kana kind of opened her eyes to look for Ryo but who she saw was me. I was seconds late in cutting that cord, that's why you registered me as your husband, although you're not confusing me to be Ryo. Rather, you're confusing me to be Sasuke because Kana fell in love with Ryo under the same circumstances you fell in love with Sasuke. They both left the woman who loved them the most – and don't stop scratching. Keep scratching."

She shoved me and scrambled to the nearest desk. I was hardly back on my knees when a book flew my way and I had to throw myself back onto the floor to dodge it. "Sakura!" Folding my legs to my chest, I jutted them out and pushed my body upward. I caught the second book's spine inches before it hit the center of my forehead.

"I don't understand!" She dropped the other two books and leaned against the desk for support. "The cave, t-the interrogation when I w-woke up…was that because you weren't sure of my identity? Fuck, Shikamaru. You lied to me! I was in a containment area because I was a threat! This had nothing to do with my going after Sasuke after every mission! And this–" She rotated the wedding ring out of her finger and pitched it at me. "You fooled me! You fucking fooled me – all of you! Why couldn't you have told me the truth - or did you think I-I-I'm already Kana? That…no! I didn't mean to aim that cutter at you. I didn't want to _kill_ you, Shikamaru. The voices, they-they-"

"First," I said. "Stop attacking me. We both know you can fracture my skull with a flick of your finger - only the Hokages combined know what you can do to me with those books."

"I'm not a murderer!"

"I'm not saying you are!"

Snatching another book, she swung her arm back and threw it at the wall ahead. The book broke the wooden surface and got stuck in the cement reinforcement behind it. Recognizing her daze, I used it as an opportunity to advance and seize her wrists once more.

I bound both her wrists with one hand and used the other to cup her face. "Sakura, calm down."

She struggled to break free, and for a second I thought she would be too strong for me to restrain. Nevertheless, her strength diminished until she could only squirm in place. "Fuck you, Shikamaru!"

"This is good! Very good!" I said. "The fact that you're still able to be angry and differentiate your true self from Kana means that you can fight the rebirth! Lady Tsunade sent us to this house to isolate you from the people who would have _upset_ you, because the more upset you were, the more your tattoo grew. Sakura, you need to listen to me and to understand! Hey!"

" _My tattoo_?"

"Your tattoo is the physical manifestation of the rebirth. Kana has one, too. Once the tattoo on her dead body and yours are a perfect match, then the rebirth is complete."

"Kana's dead?"

"So is Ryo."

Her face reddened. Tears rolled out of her eyes. "I-I shouldn't be sad, should I? This is his fault. This is that bastard's fault! But-but I f-feel so…so so sad…"

It was my turn to be weakened by her. Kana was real, and she wasn't releasing Sakura without a fight. "The enemy's dead, you should be happy," I insisted. I watched her chest rise and fall in an effort to calm her breathing, and when she couldn't, she fell on her knees and dragged me down with her.

"Ryo's dead." She shook her head and wiped her cheeks with her forearms. "I shouldn't be upset, right? What were you saying? They sent us here to seclude me from the people who would upset me? Upset me how?"

Should I continue? Was this too much for her?

She must have seen my hesitation because she scowled and said, "Spit it out!"

I sat on the floor properly and wrapped my right leg around her this time. "Do you even understand what I just told you?"

"Just answer me!"

"By negating the memories of Kana that has merged with yours," I said. "We thought that if we negated the things that the rebirth put into your head, we'd be nourishing the rebirth. Like my being your husband."

She fell quiet, waiting, anticipating.

Was that dread I was seeing in her face? I was too tired to tell, and so I just admitted, "We're not married, Sakura. You know Kana and Ryo have been married for fifteen years, but we're only barely seventeen. I know at some point you've thought about the impossibility of the math behind it – we couldn't have been married when we were one year old babies. Yet did you ever fight me over that fact? Never. It's because the rebirth is telling you to accept things that are true to Kana but not to us – not to _you_."

"You're not my husband."

"I'm not your husband."

Sakura blinked rapidly as this information registered in her consciousness. Her eyes descended to her body, and then climbed mine. I could guess that she was thinking about last night, and the real her was probably getting ready to drag my corpse to Konoha. I sighed, shut my eyes, and said, "I'm Shikamaru Nara, and I'm the last man you would have held hands with under a life-and-death situation. Last night I said those things and-and _touched_ you that way because I had yet to realize how the rebirth functions. I didn't want to upset you, and I never wanted to violate you. I'd do nothing to hurt you."

She sobbed. "You're not my husband. You're not my fucking husband."

I released her right hand. "Scratch your back. Scratch as hard as you want."

"Why do you keep on telling me – "

"Scratching your back is your body's way of fighting the tattoo's growth. Your mind is at war with the rebirth jutsu, and your side of the battle needs some sort of physical expression to strengthen your offense," I said. "We used to think that every time you scratch your back, it meant that Kana was successfully growing in you. The opposite is true, actually. Whenever I act like your husband and insist something that isn't part of Sakura's identity, you scratch your back as a form of disagreement. It signals your brain to reject the lie. If you don't scratch, you don't oppose the lie, and lies feed the rebirth, which allows the tattoo to grow. However, whenever I make you angry and make you remember memories of Team Seven, you don't feel the urge to scratch. Your brain is telling you that it's okay because that information is from the real you."

"Why…why am I scratching now, huh?"

I glimpsed the cutter protruding from the floor a few feet behind us. "Because the voices in your head are telling you to kill me. I'm the enemy, and if I don't stop from confirming your identity as Sakura Haruno, a kunoichi of the Hidden-Leaf village, Kana will die inside of you, and the rebirth doesn't want Kana to die. It wants Sakura to die."

"Shikamaru," she hissed, "Let go of me."

"No."

"I'm not going to do anything stupid."

"And I'm not going to do anything stupid by believing you," I said. "I'm not letting you go in this state."

Sakura grabbed my collar and hung her head low. "I'm a threat to Konoha, aren't I?"

I squeezed her fist. "For now, yes, but the team back in Konoha and I are doing everything in our power to cure you."

"What if there is no cure?" she said. "What if it's too late, Shikamaru? What am I..."

"Hey, Sakura?"

"What?"

"If there's one truth I told you while I was pretending to be your husband, it's that I'm not leaving you."

She snivelled and covered her mouth to contain her whimpers.

"I know...I'm the last guy you'd rather be with right now but you're stuck with me and we'll have to make do, okay?" I patted her shoulder, clueless of the appropriate action to emphasize my point. "I _am_ trying, and it is progress on our part that we finally discovered how the rebirth is working on you. Hey...you can be mad at me for the rest of your life, but at least tell me now that you're not going to give up."

"Kill me." Sakura looked up at me. "Kill me now."

Her words choked me. I sucked in as much air as I could to keep my brain from going blank again. "No, Sakura, that's not the answer."

"You can't save me so you might as well kill me now."

"No!"

"I'm a medic, Shikamaru!" she said. "Even Lady Tsunade will call this case hopeless! It's been too long since the rebirth was made and-and-and I tried to kill you! I barely knew what I was doing! It's proof enough! Please, before I turn into a monster, please just k-kill me now."

I punched the nearby desk. "Are you fucking kidding me? You're giving up? Is that it?"

"Kill me."

"What about Naruto?" I shouted at her. "What about retrieving Sasuke? About that case study that Lady Tsunade funded? What about Sai and Ino and Kakashi and you mother and your father? Did you know that your father dreamt about you on the night of the rebirth ceremony? That he was nagging your mother to check on you because he is so afraid of losing you in one of your missions?" Shaking her body to wake her from that consuming trance, I added in a louder voice, "Are you going to pretend that you're life's not worth saving? 'Cuz I was damn well sure that I meant it when I told Shikaku that I'd take your place any time! You're not ready to die. We're not letting you go!"

Sakura sneered. "I've been dying all this time, Shikamaru. Kana's getting in my head. I almost killed you – who knows who I'll kill next. Maybe Lady Tsunade, maybe Naruto, maybe Kakashi, maybe Ino...maybe even your _own beloved father_. Am I still worth saving?"

"That's not going to happen," I said. "Stop this, Sakura – "

"In my head," she whispered, "I'm imagining how I can fool either you or Shikaku into participating in another rebirth ceremony. It's not too late to revive Ryo, even if he'll be a soulless body. At least I'll have my _real_ husband with me."

"You were fighting the rebirth. That's what you've been doing. That pillow case, that dream – "

"I need your brain, Shikamaru, but if you won't do it for me I might just use you as hostage to force Shikaku."

"- We can get you back to Konoha right this moment so the people in your life – in _Sakura's_ life – can help you suppress the voices that are in your head – "

"The Naras have wonderful brains indeed. I might even send our finished product to Orochimaru and bargain for Sasuke's return. Won't Naruto love that?"

"Shut up! Stop it!"

"If you don't kill me, I'll myself. Or maybe I'll kill you first and bury you next to that box. What a surprise that will be to your father."

I held my breath to contain my emotions. "...Are you sure you want me to kill you?"

"If you don't, I'll be attempting to kill you again...and again...and again..."

Letting go of her left wrist, I popped my knuckles and told her to close her eyes. This was going to be painless. This was going to be quick.

Sakura gripped her chest.

I focused the chakra in my fingertips and removed her fists from her chest – my target. "Have a peaceful sleep, Sakura."

With one, swift, strike at her heart, she dropped to the floor. I watched her lay there with her pink hair scattered over her face and her mouth half open. I watched her as though I was anticipating her to move any moment.

Footsteps sounded in the corridor, and just as I turned my head to see who it was, Kakashi was already in the middle of the room, eyeing Sakura's body.

I inched upward to stand, wincing from the static pain in my hips. "She wanted to die, Kakashi. This was the best I could do for her."


	29. Chapter Twenty-Eight

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Twenty - Eight**

 **Kakashi**

She was just a girl.

Yes, she had grown taller. Yes, she had risked her life for Konoha in more than a dozen missions. Yes, she had learned new techniques, but in the end she was nothing more than an infant struggling for a chance at survival. And there was this other infant named Shikamaru, lighting the tips of Harini leaves around her bed and fanning the smoke to her direction, intent on doing what he could for her even in her death.

Naruto was right. I had given up on her.

Still, I asked, "Will she be alright?"

Shikamaru draped a blanket over her bare legs and heaved her to the center of the bed. Brushing her hair from her face, he glimpsed me and said, " _Will she be alright_? What?"

"Your pathways are not in the best condition."

"I can feel that without you telling me."

"Are you sure of what you've done?"

Shikamaru remained hunched over her body, staring at her pale face. He sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his eyes. "My family has history in medicine." He coughed a few times and added, "I may not be a medic, but I knew that ancient technique would work. It doesn't require the steadiness of the chakra - only the right amount of it. Her pulse is slow because her heart is still under shock. If it stops beating altogether then I might have just killed her like she wanted me to. Why are you here again? Is Shikaku and the Fifth on their way here?"

"Shikamaru – "

"We were wrong." He stood, trembling. "You have to bring us back to Konoha. Sakura is capable of fighting the rebirth – her mind is that powerful. The more you expose her to her real life and her real friends and her real family, the better she will be able to fight the rebirth. It was wrong to seclude us here. We just gave Sakura enough doubt for Kana to grow in. What? Why aren't you saying anything?"

I stepped out of their bedroom and walked back to their workplace. It might have been the drug or it might have been Sakura's corpse that made it difficult to breathe there. I couldn't tell.

Shikamaru trailed behind me, demanding that I tell the truth now.

"Sai has turned into Ryo," I stopped and looked back at him. "Shikaku sent me here to bring you and Sakura to Konoha. He's preparing to meet the elders now. He plans to reveal this case to the elders before Lady Tsunade makes another move."

"Wait, _what_?"

"The Fifth has taken a personal approach to this case and she's purposely risking all of us with her decisions. We thought it was only because Sakura is her apprentice, but Shikaku recently confirmed that Orochimaru was behind the entire thing. The Fifth knew and she wasn't planning on telling even your father."

Shikamaru held his forehead. He flung his hand behind him and clutched the photo frame on the wall to regain his balance. "Orochimaru? How the fuck did he…?"

"Where could Ryo have gone in the ten years he was apart from Kana and Takeo's program?" I said. "He knew no other place than the boundary of the Fire Country where he and the rest of the children grew up, but somehow he managed to survive and become stronger in those ten years – he even learned a rebirth jutsu."

"Orochimaru baited him. He taught Ryo the rebirth and Ryo came back to Kana for help…but that means neither of them knew that Orochimaru was the person behind their kidnapping."

"We think that they knew well who Orochimaru was, but Ryo followed him anyway because he was lured in with the thought of the rebirth jutsu. Ask yourself why Ryo would want to learn that? Orochimaru might have been watching them this entire time and knew that Kana was sick with a terminal disease and that Ryo was in love with her. He told Ryo that a rebirth was the only way he could preserve Kana. He came back for her and told her. It's no coincidence that they chose Sakura. These were all theories until Shikaku and Neji confirmed that Ayano Hyuuga had been secretly delivering the remnants of Orochimaru's preserved snakes to Shizune. Master Jiraiya is in it too."

Shikamaru crouched on the floor and put the tips of his fingers together. "What can this accomplish for Orochimaru?"

I noted the cutter that jutted from the ground and at the scraps of wood lying about from the broken wall ahead. Surely, those were Sakura's doing. "Threaten Konoha by turning its own Hokage against them is one obvious goal," I answered.

"Not originally…Had Sai and I failed to rescue Sakura and she turned into Kana, it would have been…no. Kakashi, it was an – "

"Experiment." I finished for him. "Orochimaru was using them to test the rebirth jutsu…the one he probably plans on using on Sasuke. That's a possibility. I have to go and stop your father."

His fingertips parted. "Why? What will informing the elders do?"

"You told Naruto that Sai could have undergone the rebirth undetected. It's true. Sai has turned into Ryo – we conducted an experiment this morning and he went mad when we told him that Sakura was dead. Ryo only performed a quick rebirth jutsu on him that had no guarantee whatsoever. Sai had undergone treatment and proper medical care and still he turned into Ryo. Everyone involved in this case is convinced that there's no way Sakura's any better."

"Dad's planning to have them executed?" He stood and blocked my way as I was walking to the corridor.

I spotted an open window and approached that instead. "It's an act of war from the man who murdered the Third Hokage and nearly wiped Konoha clean. We will be considered threats to our own village if we withhold this any longer."

Shikamaru raced me to the window and pulled it close. "But Sakura can fight it!"

"Nobody will believe you." Gripping his shoulder, I shoved him aside and opened the window. "Everything that comes out of your mouth, they will hear as words of guilt. I'm going."

"No, I'll stop dad," he said. "Trust me."

I crouched on the windowsill, relishing the bite of winter and taking in the opportunity to numb the anxiety inside me. "And if Sakura wakes up?"

"I told you, she'll be too high to do anything."

I tried to focus my attention on our goal instead of Shikamaru's behavior. Nonetheless, the facts grilling at the back of my head continued to surface to the centre of my consciousness. This was not the place to confront him. Not yet. "Let's go," I said.

He strapped his shoes on and leapt out the window after me. The snow crunched beneath us as we ran across the snow covered meadow, the density of the wind hitting our skin and chilling us to a halt. Snow had only been falling for less than an hour and the temperature in this forest had already dropped several degrees.

"Breathe slower." Shikamaru trudged past me and pointed at the trees on the other side of the frozen stream. "We have to climb near the canopy if we want to reach Konoha in time to catch dad."

I plucked my legs from the snow and took one step at a time. "Is there no quicker way out?"

He coughed, stooping to his knees as though he was forcing something out of his gut. I reached for his back and patted him lightly. "You can't make it through. It's too cold and your pathways are acting up."

"I can!"

"You'll slow me down."

Shikamaru slapped my hand away and resumed to head northwards. The heat of his determination compelled me to keep my mouth shut about his health. There was no way of stopping him without resorting to a little violence, and I couldn't lay a finger on him now unless I was willing to risk Sakura further.

He was our last hope for concluding this case. I lasted our journey out of this winter torture by making myself believe this boy was strong enough to handle our worsening situation. It seemed Konoha's future was continuously being passed on to younger shinobi hands.

Minato's face flashed in my mind, and so did the Third's and Asuma's.

Should we have exerted more effort into shaping these children? Could our actions ever be enough?

Shikamaru fell on the ground as soon as we stepped past Konoha's gates. Sweat lingered on his face, and the redness of his skin slowly receded to a bright shade of pink. I grabbed his arm and heaved him to his feet. He stumbled forward and coughed harder than he did in the forest.

"You need to go to the hospital, Shikamaru."

"To dad!" Cursing under his breath, he straightened his posture and marched forward.

"What did Neji say about your pathways?"

"I'm supposed to recover in six months."

"You don't look anything close to recovering."

He stopped and turned around to look me in the eyes. "And so does Sakura and Sai.'

The villagers hadn't noticed us yet, and no ANBUs were present to guard the gates. If I were to confront him, now would be the best time. "Shikamaru, stop."

"Why-"

"You got lucky," I said, and immediately the rage in his expression melted to a deep frown. Closing the distance between us, I bent to his height and murmured, "I know that technique you used, Shikamaru, and I've seen your father do it to kill deranged animals. You withdrew the force of your chakra enough to reduce the impact on Sakura, but any second later and you would have murdered her for real. If you want the truth, I don't want you here because you're physically and mentally unstable. Shikaku can take one glance at you and say that I'm one hundred percent correct. Before we continue, ask yourself whether your goal for confronting Shikaku is to save Sakura and Sai or to redress yourself. If you aren't sure, you'll only be a burden to me. I can confront Shikaku on my own."

Shikamaru shut his eyes tight and held his breath. "Kakashi, I'm not sorry."

"Then you're not going any further – "

"Sakura threatened to kill Shikaku and perform a rebirth ceremony."

"You were _threatened_ by _that_?"

"I was threatened by the fact that if not for Naruto, none of you would have told me the fucking truth that Sai was turning into Ryo!" He slammed his hand against my chest to push me back. "If you don't trust me, I don't mind because I don't trust any of you either! I'm aware that I'm not in the best physical and mental state but I knew what I was doing and I had no intention of killing Sakura! I just wanted her to shut up so I can have time enough to think of how she and the rest of the team can survive this fucking mess without risking Konoha!"

Around us, the villagers passed by without care. All they saw were two angry shinobis, most probably arguing about their salary or their report.

My fingers encircled his wrist and tugged his hand away from me. "Have you considered how slim our chances are of saving ourselves and Konoha at the same time?"

Shikamaru yanked his wrist free and he turned his back on me. "I'll do my part, you do yours."

Sighing, I said, "I know it's hard, but do your best not to let your emotions overtake your logic. If you're really being smart you wouldn't have risked her life, Shikamaru. You would have opted for a safer way to put her to sleep. Admit it: a small part of you wished you killed her, didn't you?"

Shikamaru looked at me over his shoulder. "If by 'her' you mean Kana, then yes, I wish I'd killed the bitch the second I saw her during the mission. I'm still going to kill her. But never at the cost of Sakura's life."

Relief saturated the nerves in my brain, suppressing a forming headache. Perhaps I was satisfied knowing we carried the same goals despite the slight differences. There was no use surrendering to Orochimaru's plots since the Hokage was preparing to fight this to her death. What's left for me to do was to make sure Shikamaru's actions remained aligned with ours.

By chance that we lost, it wouldn't surprise Konoha to find that I walked the same road my father did.

Room 2D, Shikaku's office, was empty when we arrived there. Shikamaru cursed aloud and declared that we had to race Shikaku to the Hokage Tower. I remained in the room, however, and took in the distorted arrangement of the objects in my superior's office.

"Kakashi!"

"We're going through the roof of the tower," I told him, expecting him to process the story behind the mess in this office and then realizing that he was too young to be acquainted with the depth of our politics. "Someone else has been here and I'm guessing they wanted your father's findings. Whoever it is will be keeping an eye out on you. We should have been more careful."

"Who are you referring to?" Shikamaru glanced at the room again. "Is it not how it always is? Who would steal from dad?"

Probably Danzo, since he had the right to question Sai's absence and still hadn't, but I wasn't adding this load to Shikamaru when he could barely catch his breath. Not yet. Shrugging, I ordered him to impersonate Iruka and to sustain his appearance until we reached Shikaku. We formed a joint hand seal to double his chakra, and the jutsu resulted in a perfect copy of Iruka.

"Good." I checked the hallways for any lingering presence. "We're clear. Let's go to the rooftop."

"It will take longer."

"There will be less chances of getting seen by suspicious eyes."

"Can you persuade the ANBUs there to let us pass?"

I grabbed a scroll sealed with a multi-dimensional justu. "We'll have to."

We paced to the staircase on the east wing of the military headquarters, scarcely acknowledging the other military personnel crossing the hallways. Shikamaru kept his distance from me as we marched to the fifth staircase that led to the rooftop. He must be aware of the detectors on the wall.

I swung my arms as I walked and purposely let the scroll pass through the direction of the detector's range. Shikamaru traversed the boundary while the detector beeped. The ANBU guarding the hall flashed before me and held his hands out.

I raised my eyebrows in question. He transferred his gaze from me to Shikamaru, and I lifted the scroll to his face. "Must be the seal," I said. "Shikaku ordered us to deliver this to the Hokage at once – urgent matters. I'm sure you understand."

The ANBU didn't move for a moment, and then he stood aside.

Must be a freshly inducted member, I thought.

Shikamaru kneaded his chest while we climbed the stairs. I tossed the scroll to him. He caught it with one hand and nodded at me.

Accessing the rooftop was less difficult than we thought. Half the usual number of ANBU guards was absent, and when I inquired, one said that the Hokage summoned most of them for a special task. Shikamaru showed them the scroll and I said on his behalf, "So that explains why she's demanding for this. We'll need to get there immediately."

The ANBUs looked at each other and stepped aside to les us through.

Shikamaru and I hopped across the length of the military compound and reached the Hokage Tower at last. Leaping into an open window in the sixth floor, we broke into a sprint. Shikamaru released his jutsu and beckoned me to make a left turn.

"Dad!"

Shikaku finally came into view, and he turned around as Shikamaru and I entered the curve of the hall. Inoichi and Neji walked ahead of him, confusion dawning on their faces at the sight of us.

"Where's Sakura?" Shikaku asked me.

I clutched the back of Shikamaru's collar to prevent him from descending to the ground again. The three scrolls tucked beneath Shikaku's arms glimmered with the silver lock bearing the intelligence division's crest. "She's in the forest, asleep," I answered.

"And high on Harini drug, so you don't have to worry." Shikamaru coughed and chortled. "Let's not even begin discussing why she's not here – you know she shouldn't be, dad. What are you doing?"

Shikaku handed the encased scrolls to Inoichi. "I should be the one asking you that." And he transferred his gaze to me. "Kakashi, what is the meaning of this?"

"Your son has something important to tell you."

"This better be worth my time, Shikamaru."

"Sakura can fight the rebirth," he said. "She's been fighting it all this time, dad! You have to believe me. But she has to return to Konoha and be surrounded with the people she knows. If you tell the elders now, you'll be depriving her of her only chance at survival!"

Shikaku frowned at both of us. "I'll believe you when you're smart enough to bring proof."

"It's worth taking a look at," I said.

"No," Shikaku turned around. "The truth is that it's too late for either of them."

"Fuck!" Shikamaru strode to him and pulled his chuunin jacket to drag him backwards. Shikaku seized his son's arm to stop him. "What's wrong with you, huh, dad?" Heshoved him to the wall. "You don't surrender a case to your superiors under mere suspicion that Sakura might be hopeless just because Sai is! You don't fucking do that! You go to the forest right now and let me prove to you that Sakura can fight – is fighting – the rebirth! If they execute her, they execute an innocent girl who could have given us the chance to find a remedy for the rebirth jutsu had we let her live long enough!"

"We don't take chances!" Shikaku said, silencing even the birds perched on the hickory beside the tower. Refastening the front of his chuunin vest, he said, "We have given Sakura Haruno enough time, and I know it's not her fault that this case went out of our control, but she pays the price no matter what. This was inevitable, Shikamaru. Stop acting like a child – "

"You fucked up but I didn't!" Shikamaru punched the wall behind him. "You couldn't save Sai! But while you were failing, I discovered how the rebirth works on her and I also discovered that it hadn't consumed her because her brain is too powerful a damn thing to be overcome by a stupid woman and her stupid husband! Do you know what she begged me to do when I told her that she was experiencing the rebirth?"

Shikaku's eyes widened and his fingers stretched outward like claws, barely able to restrain from brushing themselves against his son. " _You told her_?"

"Yes, I told her!" Shikamaru looked at each one of us – from Inoichi to Neji, to me and back to Shikaku – and he said, "I told her the truth, and she begged me to kill her before she can hurt any of you. If that's Kana talking then I'm not sure if she's the enemy. Dad – " he took three steps forward and stopped, his mouth opening and closing in an attempt to bring his voice out again. "Dad, she's having dreams of the rebirth's design, and she's been telling me all about it. I didn't realize what was happening until I proved this new theory of mine, but we can use her knowledge to reverse the rebirth jutsu. Please...I've never asked you for anything since I became a chuunin – no favour for any mission or for any duty the Hokage gave me. Not...n-not even when Asuma died did I ask you to help me bring Hidan down. Can you please listen to me this one time and acknowledge the fact that I'm telling you the truth?"

Shikaku bit his lips inwards, breathed out, and patted Shikamaru's neck. "Son, you're too young to know what you're saying."

"Dad-"

"Inoichi," he said, "Go on ahead."

Inoichi looked at Shikaku, and then at me, squeezing the metal casing of the scrolls harder as the seconds passed. "Are you certain?" he asked.

Shikamaru's breathing hastened, and it was apparent that he could barely refrain himself from assaulting his father. "Dad, if those scrolls reach the elders, I am going to let the world know about that box you hid in the forest!"

Shikaku was silent for a moment. "I see you found it."

Shikamaru pointed at the encased scrolls. "One step more from Inoichi and you're going to lose mum and I to this case. Do you think she'll stay with you once she finds out about that box you made? We'll be gone faster than you can retrieve Sakura from the forest and surrender her to the elders."

"...and what makes you so sure that box is mine?" Shikaku folded his arms against his chest and raised his chin, challenging him.

Shikamaru smirked. "Michio always hated your messy wood carving. It doesn't take an expert to see the similar patterns in the way the Nara insignia beneath my box and that other box were carved – it's got Shikaku Nara written all over it."

Shikaku rubbed his eyes and sighed. "Inoichi, you can go. You, too, Shikamaru, and don't expect Yoshino to come with you. She knows about that box and she's been with me ever since."

I sped to Inoichi's side and clutched his arm, tacitly telling him to disobey. He scowled at me, but he didn't move either. "You know it's too late, Kakashi," he murmured. "Even if what Shikamaru's saying is true, Sakura will turn into Kana. Shikaku's surrendering this case to the elders to prevent Sakura from becoming Danzo's guinea pig."

"She doesn't have to be," I said. "Sakura's not completely turned yet – at least go to the forest and tell her yourself. She deserves as much."

"You know that will never happen, Kakashi."

"And you also know that Shikaku's only refusing to take this chance in order to save Shikamaru from being executed as well. The only difference between what he's doing and what the Hokage is doing is that reporting to the elders benefits Konoha." I tipped my head to their direction. "I wasn't against him until Shikamaru made that very convincing theory – and under normal circumstances, I'm sure you'd be on our side by now."

Silence stretched between father and son, forcing us to return our attention to them.

Shikamaru hunched low, and exhaustion etched on his face while Shikaku finished what he was saying.

"-because Michio and I made it quite obvious that we hated each other, didn't we?" he went on. "How else do you think I'd punish him best? I liked your mother, but I hated my father more, and so I had an affair with another woman and got her pregnant. Michio had the woman hunted down and the baby aborted. I buried that box in remembrance of my supposed first born son and of the woman who made that box out of hope that she would be welcomed into my family. So if you want to let the world know about our dark secrets, I'm not stopping you. After all, you're succeeding me as the head of the clan. It will be your problem to fix once I'm gone."

"Shikaku!" Inoichi bellowed. He thrust the encased scrolls to me and approached him. "You –"

"-told him what he needed to hear." Shikaku glimpsed the scrolls in my hands and looked at me. "I'm guessing Kakashi managed to persuade you."

"I'll search Shikamaru's memory and estimate our chances," Inoichi said. "This way nobody can blame anyone, and we can proceed in the right direction. That's final. You're coming with me, Shikamaru."

Neji took Shikamaru's left arm and swung it over his shoulder. "He's fatigued. We'll take the long route. Kakashi, can you help me with him please?"

As I was walking towards the two boys, my body stopped on its own beside Shikaku. With only slight awareness of what was truly running in my mind, I blurted, "Wasn't that a little too much for him?"

Shikaku glimpsed me from the corner of his eye. "It seems everybody's forgetting their boundaries."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** So everybody's hating on each other now and striving towards their personal agendas. It's becoming difficult to write since Shikaku, Kakashi, and Shikamaru became so bitter towards each other out of suspicion and distrust, and because I'm squeezing this into my schedule.

I'm sorry for disappointing those people who liked the idea of Shikamaru killing Sakura. It just can't work out that way according to my outline. I liked your reactions, though. Thank you for the continuous support.


	30. Chapter Twenty-Nine

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Twenty - Nine**

 **Shikaku**

On the morning of my wedding to Aiko, Michio stood beside me on our porch and asked me whether I was ready to be a husband. He had never talked that way to me before because it was against his nature. The last he cared to ask my opinion was during grandfather's funeral, when he couldn't decide whether to let grandmother burn his belongings or to do the burning himself.

I had told him to feed his hunger and burn those damned objects before anyone could race him to it. "I bet if you can burn his body instead, you would," I added.

Michio had laughed. "If Shikame were alive, I'd let him do that honour."

I wondered now why my family, as clever as the world asserted us to be, consisted of such cruel people. All I could remember growing up was asking myself that question over and over and finding no clear answer.

Having Shikamaru look at me that way made me feel as though I was a perfect member of that same, cruel family despite my efforts to be different. Perhaps Aiko was correct; we from the Nara clan used too much of our brains and too little of our hearts.

The door beside me swung inwards. Inoichi walked out, rotating his head slowly which indicated that he had to dig deeper into my son's memories than normal.

I remained leaning on the wall with my arms and legs crossed. For some reason, I didn't feel like asking what he found.

Inoichi stared at me for a long time, his hands on his hips.

With a sigh, I grumbled, "Spit it out."

"Everything Shikamaru said is true."

"How true?"

"His theories are extremely plausible," he explained. "Sakura is within reach of salvation. His first theory of...well, you really do not want to know what it was and what they did – "

I pushed myself from the wall. "What did they _do_ , Inoichi?"

He held his hands up. "Shikamaru was very smart – he strategically manipulated her to confirm the progress of the rebirth and then came up with a theory the day after. I'm afraid he's correct. Sakura is still able to differentiate herself from Kana and there's a high possibility that she can recover the rebirth's design from Kana's memory without having to merge with her further. If you can only see how she's trying to save herself."

"Shikamaru thinks – "

"-that you are a black sheep, a dastard, an infidel, an immoral – "

"I get the picture, Inoichi," I interrupted before he could insult me further. "And we're not going to talk about that story I told him. I want to know about that rebirth design."

He frowned at me. "You didn't have to lie to him."

"I had to," I said. My airways seemed to tighten, and I had to loosen my chuunin vest in order to breathe better. "He has been debilitating my role as his father ever since Asuma died and I cannot come up with a logical reason behind it. All I'm certain of is that one day he will lose every ounce of respect he has for me and I'll be nothing more than the man from his past who helped conceive him into this world...my son's already destroying me, Inoichi. I can't let him destroy his mother too."

Inoichi nodded. "You're purposely having him hate you, aren't you?"

"If this goes out of control," I said, "I'll be one of the firsts to go down, and I don't want Shikamaru to fight a war he cannot win just to save someone like me."

Kakashi appeared across from the hall, crouched on the windowsill and holding his infamous Icha Icha book. He noticed us eyeing the cover and he slid it in the front pocket of his chuunin vest. "No one heard or saw us back in the Hokage Tower, and I checked your office again for any clue that may lead us to our intruders."

I should be shocked, I told myself, but I wasn't. This case had gone on as a secret for far too long, and Danzo was not convinced about Sai's fake medical condition that Lady Tsunade explained to him nearly two weeks prior. It was about time he sent Root to probe into our business. "I expect you didn't find anything," I said.

Kakashi whipped his head to the left and saw Neji standing in the distance, guarding the entire fifth floor of the west wing. "The office was in a mess but the intruders left not a single trace of their identity."

"Danzo's sending his warning, Shikaku." Inoichi looked at me from the corner of his eye. "I don't like it. You know this can only mean that he already found out about Sai's real condition."

"Or that Laboratory Five is active again and Anko Mitarashi is absent from Konoha without an official mission," Kakashi suggested.

"No, no, no..." Massaging my temple, I exhaled and confessed a more probable assumption. "Danzo has realized the consequences of the Fifth's actions, and he's going to use this to kick her out and become our Sixth Hokage."

Kakashi stepped down of the ledge. "I suppose we cannot let that happen, sir."

I glowered at him. His shadow stretched towards mine, as though inviting me to paralyze him and give him a good punch. Yet I refrained myself; it would be undignified to attack the man who helped my son sway me to the right direction. "There is no way we're going against Lady Tsunade again unless we are willing to bow to Danzo, so I guess her office is our next destination."

"Shikamaru must return to the forest at once." Inoichi opened the door and let Kakashi and I inside the room. He motioned to a mobile bed pushed against the wall and half hidden in the dark.

On the middle of it lay my only son, deep asleep and probably wishing that the box was only part of his nightmare. It would fade upon the beckoning of his consciousness; it would be gone soon. I transferred my gaze to my toes, wondering how deep I had sunk into the mud of my own making. "I'll have him escorted back to the forest the moment he's awake. It would be best for him not to see me."

Kakashi called Neji to join us in the room. We shut the door and convened in a circle. In hushed voices, we formulated our agendas and designated tasks. While Kakashi tailed Neji and Shikamaru until they reached the Nara forest, Inoichi and I would begin discussing Sakura's state to Lady Tsunade.

Kakashi would have to make it back to the Hokage Tower to testify for my life's sake, and after we convinced her to partake of our motives, the last step was to deliver this case to the elders before Danzo did it for us.

Generating plans of actions were always easier than the execution stage; for all the years I had worked directly under our supreme commander, this was the first time a Hokage managed to make me feel so incompetent.

I hated marching across her office without evidence to support my claims; it was like going to battle naked. Ideas existed only in a realm of the imagination and were useless until physical proof was present. Today, we couldn't wait for Sakura to wake up and return to Konoha; Inoichi and I faced the Hokage carrying only our intelligence. Hopefully, this worked.

"Oops," chimed Master Jiraiya as he turned towards the window behind Lady Tsunade. "They come bearing terrible news."

Lady Tsunade ignored him. "Tell me Shikamaru's here. I told you to fetch him ages ago."

"We did," I said and looked her in the eyes. "Shikamaru reported to me that Sakura can still be saved."

I started with the correct statement, it seemed. Her potential ammunitions regarding our doubtful narrative about my encounter with Shikamaru remained unused; she was too taken aback by the news that she could only throw a handful of curses my way and later proceed to discuss our course of action.

Her movements were jerky, a sign that there were too many thoughts occupying her mind all at once, and yet her preoccupation didn't trouble her speech. It didn't take long for me to deduce that she had already considered this fork in our road, and she was merely applying a plan that was only waiting to be revealed.

The intensity of the attention Master Jiraiya poured on her made me realize the role he was playing. He was acting as her adviser, and she had no choice but to accept his help. It was, after all, Orochimaru we were battling. I bet they had spent enough time to plan in accordance to the possible turns the future could take; hence the coolness in which they absorbed our report.

I could be wrong. Along the way, Lady Tsunade had undergone a change. This person sitting before us was not the tactless woman I detested back in the containment area. Confidence emanated from her. Every word that rolled out of her tongue was calculated, guided back on track by Master Jiraiya whenever they tumbled. Perhaps they were too far ahead of the game than I dared to consider.

They had outsmarted us.

Inoichi was unwilling to admit our knowledge of Orochimaru's involvement; hence I blurted it in the least expected moment and continued our discussion as though we had known all along. Neither of them looked surprised.

Master Jiraiya made a snide comment about the Fifth's inability to trust Inoichi and me, to which her response was to remind him of Orochimaru's character. "He leaves you with few people to trust that it's often difficult to distinguish your allies from your enemies." Bowing her head, she rose from her chair and said, "Forgive me for being suspicious of you both. I should have known better than to withhold this information and hinder your operations. Shizune and I were attempting to confirm his relation to Kana and Ryo before we indulged you."

"We understand, milady." Inoichi glanced at me. "Shikaku and I are well aware of the division in your government."

"Ah!" She clapped her hands and plopped back to her chair. "I won the bet, Jiraiya – they know about Danzo."

"Only recently," I added, cutting Master Jiraiya short of what he was saying. "It's worse than you may have expected, milady. We, along with Kakashi, suspect that he's deliberately introducing himself to us as a threat. There can be no other reason why he would rummage my office like an amateur criminal would and leave no sign of his identity."

"Root."

"They'll be after Sakura soon, ma'am."

"Shit." She spread her fingers across her forehead and dug her nails in her temple. "Danzo will put Sakura in her Bingo Book and trace her back to me. He'll have Sakura killed and force us to contest Root's feat, which will then lead to the exposure of this case. That bloody monster is using a subtler strategy that will persuade the elders of his qualification to replace _me._ "

Master Jiraiya shook his head at the view of Konoha, a smirk spreading across his face. "The bastard won't be volunteering himself – he'll be giving everyone reason to _choose_ him. "

Lady Tsunade tipped her head back to see his face, and he looked at her through the corner of his eye. The hardness in their expression alleviated, replaced completely by an understanding only they could share. Finally, she said, "We have no choice but to use old battle tactics, Shikaku, Inoichi. You know what I mean."

We nodded at her. "We'll have to work faster if we are to be ready with a cure once Danzo launches his first offense."

"Ino, Naruto, Yamato, and Kakashi will stay in the Nara forest with Sakura and Shikamaru while Shikamaru attempts to draw out as much information from Kana's memory as possible without harming Sakura," the Fifth decided. "Prepare for a visit tomorrow. Today, I need both of you to reveal to your team Orochimaru's involvement, but do not disclose everything we talked about. Have the best minds to study jutsu reversal techniques. If they ask, shun them. And have Kakashi over there – " she motioned to the back of the room " – handle Ino and Naruto. They're not joining Sakura for a reunion; they'll be needed there to root Sakura to her true self. Kakashi, man-up and acknowledge the fact that I'll forever expect you to babysit these children." She smiled sadly at him. "They need someone they can respect, and that's you. And before I forget, enjoy your Icha Icha books now because my first project after we conclude this case is to ban from Konoha any literature that is published under Jiraiya's name – shut it, Jiraiya. You lost the bet. You're all dismissed."

"Milady," I said when my companions had turned to leave. Everybody stopped to hear what I had to say.

The Fifth wouldn't meet my gaze. She knew what I wanted to ask. "Yes, Shikaku, there's something else I'm not telling you."

"There we go," chimed Master Jiraiya. "Honesty. You need it now more than ever-"

She pitched a book at him. "One more smart-ass remark from you and I'll-"

"There's a traitor involved in this case." Master Jiraiya tossed the book back to her desk. "Tsunade, the ANBUs can't do it on their own. Besides, Shikaku, Inoichi, and Kakashi are clearly allies."

"I had to make sure," she told us. "You don't know Orochimaru."

Kakashi walked to the front of the room, slouchy and grim. "Anko's part of your plan to uncover the traitor, isn't she? Where has she gone to?"

Inoichi returned to my side. "How do you know that there's a traitor in our midst? I presume the barrier was one precaution against the 'external forces' you mentioned earlier?"

Lady Tsunade stood and raised her hands in surrender. "Don't gang up on me. I was being cautious."

I cleared my throat, stealing their attention again. "Milady, I think I know what you've been doing. You were convinced that donning a distraught persona in front of us will give the traitor the wrong signals. Orochimaru and his henchmen would assume that this has gone beyond your control. They'll be careless and their next move will be to our advantage. All along..."

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, I've been plotting with Jiraiya since he arrived in Konoha. Since then the troubled woman you see is an act to draw out the enemy within our group. It's working, I tell you. Didn't you nearly surrender this case to the elders, Shikaku?"

Even Inoichi and Kakashi turned their heads towards me. My brain automatically reviewed the events that occurred before this and concluded that there was no way I could have hinted her of my betrayal.

She and Jiraiya smirked simultaneously. "Anko did accomplish something for me outside of Konoha, but she was only gone for two days. She's been watching all of you since her return and reported to me the activities of each one. You were flawless; so much so that I had difficulty predicting what your next move would be. To be honest, I was most worried that Orochimaru had somehow gotten to you, but when I finally deduced that you fell for my act and would disclose this case to the elders, I was convinced of your loyalty to me and to Konoha. I refer to Inoichi and Kakakshi as well."

"What would you have done to stop us, milady?"

"Jiraiya stirred a little commotion with the feudal lords," she said. "The elders went there for a visit and won't be back in four days. You just missed them, actually. I've bought us time to do something _useful_. Since Jiraiya has indulged you with the entire truth and you are out of the equation, I might as well explain the rest of the plan for extracting the traitor. Orochimaru will want to see how we deal with this rebirth dilemma. What do you think this means for him?"

"It's an opportunity to see if this kind of rebirth jutsu will work on him and Sasuke," hissed Kakashi. "Orochimaru will benefit from the information we extract through Sakura and Sai, regardless if they live or die."

Master Jiraiya sat on the desk. "He's running low on both time and resources," he explained. "That's what I can tell from our last encounter. The failure of the experiment performed by Kana and Ryo is slowly becoming his source of entertainment, and the conclusion of this case will add to the progress he is making with whatever new, messed up reincarnation jutsu he is developing. The point is we need to do everything possible to refrain this traitor from giving the details to Orochimaru. Who knows? He might want to get personally involved and then we'll truly be fighting for the lives of each villager."

I looked past his shoulder, past Lady Tsunade's expressionless face, and to the view of the entire Hidden-Leaf village. I couldn't believe it still wasn't raining fire outside. "Danzo doesn't know what he's doing. If he exposes the case to the public, Orochimaru will have no need for his traitor. It will be like handing him his success on a silver platter. I almost handed Konoha over to the enemy..."

"Anyway," said Lady Tsunade, "I am grateful that none of my best men are the traitors. The plan is to make the others believe that we have lost proper control of the case and that you still disapprove of my methods. The traitor will have no coherent idea of what is happening. He or she will have to approach someone soon and _ask_ for further information. You'll know which ones are suspicious. Desperation does that. I expected you to theorize and report to me even if the mighty Jiraiya here hadn't uncovered my ploy. If you have nothing more to clarify with me, then get to work."

Work.

Did that word justify my motive for waking up early everyday and tolerating the diversity of characters in the military? I had never questioned my presence in the military before, nor the orders I received from the brass. My job was to make sure Konoha remained smart in every move it executed, wise in every judgement it bestowed, and superior in every endeavour it undertook.

That had always been the system in which I functioned. Today, there were no set systems to follow or rules to obey. Being a free man was not as liberating as others claimed it to be. Freedom, now, meant I was free to choose who my real enemies were depending on which side assured the survival of my son.

This was the exact mindset that my former master feared I would develop; he emphasized the importance of Konoha above our own loved ones, and to embed that outlook in my brain he had to drag me out of my home to live with different people day after day after day... Being apart from my family was not a challenge. Away from them, I finally found the greater purpose of life – Konoha.

What was one, young soul compared to the thousands that resided in the Hidden-Leaf?

Shikamaru was just one life. As head of the intelligence division, my responsibility lay with the thousands.

Lady Tsunade was right, after all. She knew I had been seduced by my selfishness. I acted out of desperation to spare Shikamaru if ever this case did go against us.

As I confessed the true state of this rebirth case to my men, I wondered if they concluded the same thing the Fifth did. Were they estimating my actions, figuring out how I directed our steps for the benefit of my son?

I didn't even know I was doing it until Shikamaru confronted me. Seeing him that way...wretched and desperate... He didn't deserve any of this, and yet he was only one soul. One soul against thousands.

My inferiors, as I expected, reacted badly to the news. They threw objections at me one after the other, their hollers pinching my eardrums until I had to wince.

"The Fifth should inform the elders!"

"We can no longer work alone!"

"What if Orochimaru plans on invading Konoha again?"

"A larger investigation team will make it possible for us to retaliate, sir!"

One soul...against thousands.

My vision blurred, and blinking did not help recover the stability of my sight. The white-washed walls of Room 3F melted into darkness, and the faces around me thawed until they were deformed beyond recognition. I shut my eyes, pinching their inner corners to return my sight back to reality.

Hands clutched my limbs. Coldness pressed against my clothing and seeped into my skin. I opened my eyes to find my inferiors crouched around me and staring. Daisuke removed his chuunin vest, rolled it, and slipped it beneath my head. "You collapsed, sir. Kaji has gone to fetch a medic."

"Great," I grumbled, scanning their faces until they made sense again. "Good. I've got your attention."

"We can resume the discussion after the medic has treated you, sir." Daisuke pressed my shoulder back to the floor. "You are overworked."

"That's because there are children in our jurisdiction that are dying," I said, hauling myself to my elbows. "Now, will all of you please stop badgering me about what I already know? Do I have to collapse again to make you shut up, sons?"

They frowned and shook their heads. Babies, I thought.

I said, "You are all assuming out of impulse, and it shows how little you've learned from me. Revealing this case to the elders will be like proclaiming Orochimaru's crime to Konoha – we cannot do that. They will panic and try to dictate the Hokage how she should act."

Jin sniggered, earning the glower of his comrades. "Sir, the Hokage doesn't even look like she knows what she's doing anymore. You're in bad shape, Sai has turned into Ryo, and Sakura will definitely be worse. Seeking help will be like telling Konoha that we have a problem but we're on our way to solving it."

"Jin, pull me up to stand."

"Sir-"

"Now!"

Jin took my outstretched arm and pulled me up. I tightened my grip on his hand, looked him in the eyes, paused long enough to make him squirm, and countered with a reminder of his rank. I was his superior, and the Fifth, his supreme commander. "I need you to obey before you ask," I addressed everyone now. "Or have I not made myself clear the first time? The Hokage does have a solution, and if any one of you acts against her, this case will blow up in our face. Orochimaru will have won without trying. Trust me. I know what I'm talking about. Inoichi will lead today's investigation. I'll see you again tomorrow once I've successfully forgotten that military infants attempted to tell me my left from my right. Dismissed."

My next destination was home. Daisuke volunteered to assist me in case my headaches led to another collapse. Konoha's silence was surreal. The streets showed not a sign of disorder, so different from the riot that had already commenced in my mind.

Daisuke transferred his hand from my shoulder to my arm. "Sir, a lot in your team is doubting the Hokage's judgements..."

I motioned for the children playing in the streets to move aside. The girl whom I recognized was my neighbour, ordered for her playmates to move aside because 'Mr. Ninja Black Beard' was passing. I muttered for Daisuke to shut up and ignore the children. This was not the first time that little girl humiliated me in front of my comrades. This was exactly why I detested having people walk me home.

"Oh no!" The girl shrieked and pointed at me. "He's weak! Fellow ninjas, come to his rescue!"

"No!"

The children fought for my hands and the ones who lost opted for my legs instead. Daisuke was streamed apart from me. The little girl yelled for Yoshino and banged on our gate.

Before I could stop her from awakening the beast in my wife, Yoshino slammed the gate open. "Chie!"

"We have rescued your husband for you!" Chie bowed, and the rest of the children followed.

I thanked Daisuke and motioned for him to go away. Yoshino shouted her thanks at his departing figure. "What in the world happened to you, Shikaku?"

The children dragged me to my house. Chie told them to stand in line behind me.

"Yoshino," I mumbled under my breath. "Please have these little people depart from here."

She mouthed 'you owe me', and opened the gate wider for me to enter. As I descended on the gravel pathway leading to the front door, a dozen footfalls broke the silence. Squeals frightened the birds in our garden. Silence permeated the sudden blast of noise, driving the excitement away to a peaceful exit.

"Our adopted children have flown back to their respective nests," declared Yoshino.

"That's not a funny joke, sweetheart."

"Those kids adore you."

"Those kids want fathers," I corrected. Stretching my legs forward, I added, "And I'm not the man for the job. Shikamaru can attest to that."

"Shikamaru?" She hit her ankle against my elbow, indicating for me to stand. When I couldn't, she knelt beside me and wrapped my left arm around her shoulders. "Is Shikamaru in Konoha? He hasn't visited me like he promised he would, hon. Can't you do something about that?"

I focused my strength on my legs as she heaved me off the gravel. We limped to through the front door, across the hallway, and into the living room. She dropped me to the couch. I waved my feet at her. Yoshino untied the laces of my shoes and plucked them off my feet. "Shikaku, I want to know how our son is. If you won't give me any news, I'll give our dinner to Chie and you can starve for the rest of the evening."

I stared at my wife, trying to memorize the curve of those strands of hair around her face, and of the slight blush on the hallow of her cheekbone. "I'm sorry. He found the box."

Yoshino lowered my shoes to the floor. "He found the _box?_ __I thought you buried the _box_?"

"I hid it in a wooden cache."

"In a _what?_ " She felt for the armchair behind her and sat down. "Are you serious? _Are you serious, Shikaku?_ "

I transferred my gaze to the white ceiling overhead. "I couldn't afford to have termites feed on that box, Yoshino. And don't be such a hypocrite about it. You're the one who celebrates my dead son's birthday every year."

"But we agreed to-!"

"I couldn't!" Chuckling, I threw my legs off the couch and sat up. "I'm sorry. I love you. Shikamaru returned to Konoha earlier to ask about the box and I couldn't tell him the truth."

Yoshino shook her head at me. She swallowed hard. "You didn't tell him t-that...so he doesn't k-know?"

"Do you remember how Michio became the head of the clan? Why he succeeded his brother?"

"S-Shikame had no son except for the-oh no, you told Shikamaru _that_ story?"

"Michio was a replica of grandfather," I said. "Had I been the one who impregnated a prostitute, he would have had the damned woman hunted down and the baby killed as well. It doesn't tarnish Shikamaru's perception of Michio."

"B-but that means that you-" Yoshino transferred beside me. She couldn't look at my face. "You didn't tell him that I-I ran away with Udo after our wedding?"

I touched her hand. "He doesn't have to know."

"But that makes you look like the bad guy, Shikaku!"

"I _am_ the bad guy, Yoshino."

"No, you are not!" She whisked my hand away, unconscious of the tears dangling on her lashes. "You didn't have to tell Michio the truth behind your failed relationship with Aiko but you did because you had to justify why I would want to run away with Udo and now Shikamaru thinks his older brother came from a prostitute when in fact it came from – "

I embraced her. "My dead son doesn't really count, no matter what angle you use to inspect the past. Besides, I confessed that to Michio because it was partly true that you didn't want to be with me after finding out the reason why Aiko committed suicide after our futile attempt at a decent relationship. O didn't know that we had a child and it died before...at least I was forced to tell Michio with a very good reason - to protect you."

"I ran away because I was in love with Udo and not because you had that unfortunate event with Aiko!"

"You came back to me."

"Because you saved my name!"She wiped her nose on my shoulder. "Or haven't you realized it yet that none of this is your fault? Why must I always explain to you that you did what you did for my sake? Why do you always do this? Why must you justify my mistakes by turning yourself into the devil? You've already protected me from your family once and you paid a price you didn't deserve. Shikamaru has to know that it was all my fault."

"Shikamaru already believes that Uncle Shikame's tragedy is the story behind that box," I said. "It's enough. It will only complicate things."

" _Please_ , Shikaku."

"He hates me." I pressed my face against her neck. "He doesn't have to hate you too."

She paused for a couple of moments, and then whispered, "Shikaku, you're not telling me something about his mission, and I'm getting the feeling that he'll need you now more than he'll ever need me. Let go. You can't keep on shielding him and me from the truth."


	31. Chapter Thirty

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Thirty**

 **Ino**

It was purely idiotic - my reaction - but I could not take it back. Naruto had hesitated to pat my back, but he did and he said that I should stop crying. Everything was okay back in the Nara Forest, and so we should spend the day preparing rather than crying about the good news.

Kakashi and Captain Yamato had warned us to be careful of the people we would interact with starting today. A traitor was lurking in our midst, Kakashi had said, and the Hokage wanted to draw that traitor out by compressing the truth of this case's progress within her selected group of people. Upon realizing Naruto and my confusion, he indulged us with a brief explanation of Orochimaru's involvement and his interest with Sakura and Sai's conditions.

"It's Orochimaru again," Naruto had murmured, with his head down and his fists trembling and his frown deepening...a reaction that varied little to his boyish tantrums back in the academy. Nevertheless, this wasn't about Sasuke getting all the attention, or Sir Iruka excluding him from the lecture; this time his reason was valid and no one could fault him for that.

Yet now that he had every reason to throw a fit, he didn't. He took a deep breath and announced that he was going to leave to pack his clothes. Captain Yamato shook his head at me, signalling for me not to comment. Once Naruto had gone, I advised the captain to follow him in case he was up to something – some sort of secret, stupid venting method - again.

"Give him some credit," Kakashi had interrupted. "He's been lengthening his patience like he promised me he would. You did a good job at assisting this pursuit of his, Yamato."

The captain stared in the direction Naruto took. "I did my best, but you should be thanking Master Jiraiya and the Fifth instead."

"How come?"

"They summoned him to the Hokage's office one night and had a discussion about the case and the Akatsuki, apparently," he said. "It was the right thing for them to do. Someone had to clarify to Naruto that this case was minor compared to the threat that the Akatsuki posed against the entire shinobi world. Orochimaru can reincarnate himself as many times as he want and remain a calculable liability that Konoha can fend off; the Kyuubi, on the other hand..."

That conversation left me awake tonight for so many reasons, but it was Captain Yamato's admission about the help Naruto received that kept my thoughts running in circles as the moon travelled the blue-black sky.

Anyone could have sat down with Naruto and lectured him on his priorities, but it was only Master Jiraiya and Lady Tsunade who could have accomplished a response from him. I could guess that the set-up must have caught Naruto by surprise because he had never been confronted by two, parent-like authorities ever in his life.

The ease by which Kakashi and Captain Yamato handled our earlier confrontation about the true state of this case was relieving. The Fifth had it all under control, it seemed. We were actually doing something right, and the anarchy that she stirred in the members of this case was for the sole purpose of drawing out the traitor.

Was this excitement I was feeling? If it was excitement for our inevitable success or for my nearing reunion with Sakura and Shikamaru, I couldn't determine yet. A good unsettling made its home in my gut, and I didn't want to drive it away.

The staccato raps on my door jolted me from the spell I had sunken into, and father's tenor fractured the solidity of the night. "Ino, are you awake?"

Slipping into my silk robe, I tiptoed to the door and pulled it open. Dad stepped back, aware that I didn't like being disturbed at this ungodly hour, and he explained that Yoshino Nara was in our living room.

It took me moments to register the name. "Yoshino Nara? Shikamaru's mother?"

"Yes, dear, that's her." He unfastened his chuunin vest and tossed it inside his bedroom, which was across from mine. "I was on my way home when I found her standing outside our front door. She said she needed to talk to either one of us about...well, she'll tell you later. Basically she needs you to relay an important message to Shikamaru once you meet with him tomorrow."

" _You told her about the mission_?"

He lifted his forefinger to curb my temper before it exploded in front of his face again. "I didn't. All I told her is that you are more suitable than I am to relay the message to Shikamaru, since you are going to join him in the forest tomorrow. I revealed a snippet of the mission – excluding the rebirth, of course - to assure her that her son will be with someone she trusts. Plus, Yoshino is a chuunin. She may be inactive but she still has a brain."

"Is anything wrong?"I hissed, conscious of her presence downstairs. "I mean, she won't be here like this if nothing bad has happened."

"She'll be the one to tell you."

I closed my bedroom door. "Okay. Fine. Have you offered her tea or anything?"

Dad cringed. "We haven't done any grocery shopping for a while, pumpkin."

We stared at each other.

I giggled. "Yeah, dad, I noticed. I'll clean up and do the groceries before departure time. Wait – are you even going to stay in this house?"

He sighed. His posture slumped. His eyes roamed the entire second floor. "I guess not. It's gonna be lonely here without you."

"Don't be sentimental." I passed by him and headed for the stairs. "Will you be joining us?"

"Yes, I should. Just give me a minute to change."

"We both know that won't take a minute."

"Leave me alone, Ino."

"Am going to, dad!" Tightening the lace around my waist, I rolled my shoulders back and walked into the living room. My composure all but left me the second I saw her.

Auntie Yoshino was an image of pure distress; her gaze distant and her aura frosty. She acknowledged me only after I called her name twice, and her immediate response was to stand and force a smile. "Oh my, I barely recognized you! Shikamaru must invite you more in our house once his mission is over."

"Auntie..." I strode to her and embraced her. "What's wrong? You look real sad..."

She embraced me back. "I have a request. Can we sit now? My legs are rather tired...and Shikaku won't be able to sleep until I get back. I better make this quick. As mad as I am at him, it won't do any of us good if he doesn't rest his brain. Sometimes I 'm convinced all that brain has are military tactics. He's such a failure when it comes to family politics."

We parted and sat beside each other on the couch. Maybe it was her preoccupation with her dilemma that permitted her to overlook the dust that had steamed from the cushion upon our pressing our weight on it. For once, I was glad she was not the neurotic, over-zealous mother she normally was.

She twirled the strands of her hair around her middle finger. "Let me get straight to the point here. Shikamaru found a box buried in a wooden cache in the Nara forest and he recently confronted Shikaku about it. You know the tradition with the box and the rubber bands, right? Shikaku, being the martyr-wannabe he is by nature, told Shikamaru another story to explain the box. Of course, since Shikamaru's been so shielded from the realities of our family conflicts, he doesn't have an idea of the complexity that surrounds our clan. I won't give you a history lesson, here, sweetheart – you can stop looking so worried. All he has to know starts with where my damned husband started his lie. So here's the truth that you must pass on to him tomorrow: the story about the murdered prostitute and the baby is not Shikaku's - It's what happened to his uncle, Shikame. Shikamaru has no brother from a prostitute."

" _Brother?"_ I exclaimed. "Shikamaru was _here? When?"_

"That's not important – I can't give you details either, since I don't have them," answered auntie. "Let's not get sidetracked."

I held my hands up. "Okay, wait. Uncle Shikame is the supposed head of the clan, correct? He's supposed to be the heir, not his younger brother, Michio."

"Yes, but Shikame fell in love with a prostitute – well, a nomad whose origins was from a village I cannot name. She was destined to be an inevitable casualty in a raid commanded by Shikame, but he spared her and they eloped. Shikame came back to Konoha to straighten matters with his family but his father had already ordered for the girl to be hunted down. She was killed and so was the baby in her. After that unfortunate event, Shikame devoted his life to the military until he died in a mission. Shikame interacted with no other woman since; hence he has no offspring. Michio became the heir because of his newborn son whom he was obliged to name 'Shikaku', being the newly inducted head of the clan . Now, Shikaku was first engaged to Aiko Hyuuga-"

"Aiko Hyuuga!" I gripped the backrest and the armrest of the couch. "No way! _He_ was engaged to _her_?"

Dad dragged himself inside the living room and sat on the armchair opposite ours. He donned the baby-blue sweatshirt that mother knitted for him on his twenty-seventh birthday – a day that occurred ages ago. "I remember the day of his wedding to that Hyuuga woman. It was the most fun I had with Shikaku for a long time."

"I knew it!" Auntie Yoshino pointed at him, scowling. "Shikaku insisted that you had nothing to do with his encounter with the head of the Hyuuga clan but I knew that you had a part in it! You always do!"

"He asked for my help."

"You couldn't resist!"

Here were the adults, I thought, settling the issues of their youth. "What does that have to do with Shikamaru?" I asked to return them to our initial ordeal.

Auntie's expression was solemn. She opened and closed her mouth. She lowered her head and lifted it again. Dad intervened and made me promise not to tell anyone. I promised. Auntie confessed that Shikaku and Aiko were actually in love. She said this with no condemnation whatsoever.

"They were thrilled by the idea of marrying each other," she elaborated. "But on Aiko's last mission before the wedding day, she got tackled by the enemy. Her comrade decapitated that enemy to save her life, so you can imagine that there was blood everywhere. However, it wasn't the enemy's blood that disabled her from moving. It was the blood that was escaping her. Later, she figured she had been pregnant with Shikaku's child and she didn't even know it. That same child died inside her. It was Aiko's comrade that told Shikaku about the dead baby and that Aiko said she no longer wanted to see him."

"Yoshino," called dad. He hunched forward, his elbows on his knees to support his pose. "I can tell the story. You don't have to. I think I get what you want Ino to relay to Shikamaru."

Auntie sucked in a lungful of air and grinned. "I'm fine, seriously, Inoichi. What else? Ah! So on the day of the wedding itself, Shikaku challenged the head of the Hyuuga clan to a duel and one thing led to another that became grounds for the cancellation of the wedding altogether. Not long after, Aiko committed suicide. It was around the time that I was engaged to Shikaku. My clan and the Hyuuga clan forbade him to attend the funeral."

I leaned on the backrest. Growing up, all Shikamaru told me about his family was that they were odd and complicated people. He was right about those two descriptions despite the small amount of knowledge he held of his own kin. "Okay...and the box?" I asked just as realization collided with me. "No way!"

Dad and auntie exchanged a look.

"Aiko Hyuuga is the only person with the motive to create that box!"

"Lower your voice, pumpkin."

"She had her comrade deliver it to Shikaku before she committed suicide," auntie squeaked. She sobbed and cleared her throat. "Shikaku buried it in that wooden cache. No one knew about it. Shikaku and I got married. I was in love with a childhood friend named Udo. I wasn't happy with Shikaku and so I eloped with Udo. Shikaku caught Udo and I, told me the consequences of my actions, and retreated with an assurance that he'll find a way to justify my running away if Udo was the man I really wanted to be with. He did the...he...he did the stupidest thing ever. Shikaku confessed to Michio and my father about Aiko's pregnancy and her miscarriage during the mission, even lying that I found out about it, hence I ran off with another man."

Just as silence was settling overhead, dad added the fact that auntie returned to Shikaku. "Don't forget that you left Udo and did the right thing in the end. Shikamaru will forgive both of you, right, pumpkin?"

Auntie buried her face against the couch's backrest.

I squeezed her hand. "Why would...I mean...why would Uncle Shikaku lie about the box to Shikamaru?"

The explanation that followed made perfect sense now. Since Asuma died, Shikamaru had obviously been avoiding his father. I remembered asking him about his defiance, and his only response was to light a cigarette.

One realization I chose not to voice out during the latter part of our discussion was Uncle Shikaku's motivation for lying to Shikamaru. Perhaps, at the time of their confrontation, he did right by lying. He defended his wife's integrity so his son had at least one parent to trust. For almost the same reason, auntie came here to clear the fog and mend the strain in their relationships – to inform Shikamaru that he had both a mother and a father to trust.

The formula that Master Jiraiya and Lady Tsuande used on Naruto was the same formula that real parents used on their children; hence it resulted in an understanding.

The good unsettling in my stomach left. It was normal for auntie to want to straighten things out, but she also mentioned that she had this 'feeling' that this had to be done now – any other time would be destructive. Dad, before urging auntie to go home and make up with Uncle Shikaku, said that she did right by following her instincts, that mothers should never disregard those kind of 'feelings'.

They were often right; they had a connection to their children that fathers did not possess. Go home, he said to her. Shikamaru would be fine.

Auntie left our house before dawn. I closed the front door, yelled for dad as he was climbing the staircase, ran after him, and gave him a hug.

"Ino," he said, brushing my hair. "What's the matter all of a sudden?"

"Dad..."

"Why the frown?"

"Do you think auntie's motherly instincts are correct?" I dug my fingers on his arms, allowing them to be submerged in the rough wool of his sleeves. "Do you think something bad is going to happen to Shikamaru?"


	32. Chapter Thirty-One

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Thirty-One**

 **Shikamaru / Sakura**

 **Shikamaru:**

Sakura was awake now, but she was dazed and withdrawn. Perhaps it was safe to say she was withdrawn from me, in particular. I couldn't blame her. When she lost her consciousness earlier, she never expected to regain it. Now she was awake to the nightmares she had only temporarily escaped from, powerless to do anything but to live with them.

Could you call it escape if, later on, you realize you were actually running in a loop? I could guess that loop materialized in her head the moment she remembered our situation, and I could also bet that she never considered the possibility that the same loop already existed in my head. Unlike her, I had raced this loop countless times.

She was just beginning her journey.

I wished this night would pass and dawn would arrive. Only Michio's ghost could measure the amount of strength I had remaining to sustain any sane act.

Only a few more hours, I told myself. A few hours more and familiar people would join us. I needn't have to be alone here further.

My eyes shot open at the sudden shift of the room's static aura. Sakura stood in front of me with her lips pressed in a straight line. Her hair, fizzed and pale, pointed in all directions.

She sobbed. "You aren't going to kill me, are you?"

Her question held not a hint of fear, so it wasn't motivated by fear of me. I heard nothing that could mean she doubted my identity as her ally. This was an innocent inquiry of my plans in regards to her future actions, but inclined more on her current state. Upon seeing her stiffen under the gravity of my silence, I said, "Sadly, no."

"...Is there any chance that you want to?"

My chest tightened. I said, "No."

"You said you went back to Konoha after putting me to sleep."

"Things are getting pretty messy. I went there to make sure they wouldn't do anything that will cost you your life."

"What if my life is the cost?"

I wanted to reach out and touch her shoulder but I couldn't. Offering a pat was a useful means of reassurance before this entire case started. Now every time I wanted to make an innocent physical contact I felt as though I was taking advantage of her. "I won't lie,"I said, and hid my hands in my trouser pockets. "There's a possibility it all ends with your death. But you're only one of the people who could die. There's Sai. There's me. And every person involved down to the people who collected Ryo and Kana's bodies."

She put two fingers on her forehead. "I feel like myself. Better than when we first came here."

"Kana may be colonizing your body and soul subtly," I said. "If I'm correct then you'll have a more difficult time fighting her. She only manifested when I addressed the real Sakura directly. Once you encounter more and more people you're familiar with, she'll be making more blatant attacks on you. But nobody can really tell. A rebirth isn't something we skim through on text books, remember? And this one didn't go exactly as planned by the enemy."

She nodded. She swallowed and nodded. "I want to fight the rebirth."

I stared at her, and she at me.

"That's why I'm here," I said. "We win or lose together."

Sakura held her breath the way one did when stabbed in the torso, and when she exhaled, tears escaped her eyes. She lowered her head in her right hand. "Tell me everything again. I'll listen well this time and I will cooperate."

"Stop crying." I ran the back of my hand lightly against her left cheek. She shivered. I withdrew my hand. Reflexes. It felt so normal comforting her that I didn't even have time to pause like I did earlier. It was as though every tear was a prompt for me to get closer.

I cleared my throat. "Where do you want me to start?"

She said she wanted to remember the mission correctly. I recounted itas best as my memory allowed me to, without restriction to the details that might hurt or embarrass her. All I could feel were the movements of my lips while I coursed history. She gasped and asked questions from time to time, but she raised no objection like I expected her to. This observation quietened me for a couple of moments during our discourse. She hadn't realized that her lack of vigour was a symptom of Kana's presence in her body. Before she could inquire of my silence, I continued my explanation of the theories we had worked with thus far. The quarantine area, the plan to isolate us here in an attempt to preserve us, how I'd struggled to find out exactly how the rebirth was dominating her. Talking to her strategically. Peering at her bare back.

The mention of the tattoo made her blush.

Without warning, she marched out of the bedroom. I grabbed her elbow to stop her. She turned and said that she couldn't think clearly with the smoke of the Harini fogging her senses. I followed her out, still holding her elbow.

She yanked her arm from me. I caught her shoulder. She punched my chest. I recoiled a little but retained a firm grip on her shoulders. "Stop it!"

"They gave you permission to take advantage of me so long as you don't go as far as having sex with me!"

"We were convinced we shouldn't upset Kana!"

"Yes, because what a girl ever wants is to get laid!"

"Says the virgin medic!" Realizing what I said, I paused and raised my hands in the air. "Sakura- "

"You asshole!" She shoved me against the wall. "That's none of your business! I only work with you in missions and nothing more! My personal life is not something you should be meddling with!"

"It's my business because you don't know how furious I was when they told me that maybe Ryo raped you before he tried to revive Kana in you!" I said. "I needed to count every wound they inflicted on you so I can avenge you for each of them! I'm your teammate in this mission! This is my responsibility to you!"

She made a face and flung her hands sideways. "Go lie to a five year-old!"

"Everything I did was for you!"

"You could've considered how I'd feel if I found out!"

"It wasn't part of the plan for you to find out!"

"You mean if I hadn't made the fucking effort to retrieve my true identity then you would've killed me faster than the rebirth should have?" She shoved me again. My head hit the edge of a photo frame and I toppled to the ground, barely able to keep my eyes open to see her. She spun to face the staircase, and then she shouted, "You and the entire team were killing me! You, especially! You were doing such a good job at helping Kana control me that every time I look at you it's as though I'm still looking at somebody I love when in truth you're just another shinobi unlucky enough to be on a mission with me. You're not even smart enough to save me."

I didn't respond. Her heavy breathing drowned out all the sounds my ears perceived. I tore myself apart from my anger and contemplated everything she'd said. If I were to be rational, I had no right to resent her for not appreciating my efforts. Sakura was correct at all turns. Had Naruto not forced himself into our lodging, had she not mapped out the facts of her own life and segregated them from those of Kana's, this argument would've never happened. I would've killed her for real and failed this mission.

Sakura sat on the stairs and buried her face on her knees as she cried.

Time passed. Maybe minutes, maybe hours. The sounds in the forest were changing and so were the light seeping in through the windows.

I remained sitting on the floor, half-dazed. Sakura remained sitting on the stairs, her gaze fixed on me, her fingers absently tracing the lines on the wooden flooring. She tipped her head back and said,"We all know it's impossible to save me."

"I'm smoking," I said as I drew out a cigarette from my pocket. She grumbled that she hated cigarette smoke. Go someplace I couldn't bother her. I retorted that this was my house. Did I want her to leave instead? I told her to go to sleep.

But she hated the smoke. I lit the cigarette anyway and took a long, heartfelt drag.

Sakura shifted on the floor. "It's not good for your health."

"You've been punching me on the chest since this morning." I coughed. "Besides, if you've given up on yourself then there's no use fighting for my life as well."

"….What do you mean?"

"This case can go out of hand in so many ways and majority of those ways lead to my execution. People can use our circumstances to their advantage to make drastic changes to our government or to the people in our brass. The rest of us can be tortured, jailed, interrogated for charges like treason or what bullshit they can come up with. Rebirth's a taboo. They'll find a way. I'll be targeted for playing a huge role in this case. They only need to know it's happening and we're done. There's no avoiding it since it's only about time people discover Orochimaru's behind it."

She gawked, and then she frowned, and then she smiled. "It's funny how just one name can shed light to everything."

"I don't know what you find funny about that."

"Ino once told me I'm so in love with Sasuke, it'll eventually kill me," she said. "Now here I am. A victim to the rebirth because this stupid love I have for a rogue ninja made me a perfect match to a stupid woman who invests herself in a man who'll never lover her back in equal measure. It's like he led me to Orochimaru."

It was my turn to smile. "Ino once told me I'm a coward. Back when we were kids. I didn't believe it was completely true until the rebirth case started and it was too late to tell her I like her. I used to think it dumb how dying shinobis expose their secrets so easily. But when you're at the brink, it makes sense why you'd want to be a hundred percent honest – " lifting a finger slightly to point to her – "even to strangers."

Sakura scowled at me. "Why is it too late?"

"If I die, I don't want her asking what if I lived?" I watched the ashes from my cigarette fall to my thigh. "My father doesn't know what's right from wrong anymore with this case. I suppose we're all correct to be nervous."

"But we were trained to be calm."

"That's because we know we'll see the enemy eventually. But whenever I try to find the enemy all I can see is you. It's difficult to fight something that's hiding within a person you want to protect so badly."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want to protect me so badly?"she asked. "If you reveal this case and allow me to be their experimental pig then you can't be branded a traitor. Perhaps you'll be punished but it won't be as worse as what could be if you keep this a secret."

"Do you want to sacrifice yourself for us?"

She embraced herself and cast her eyes down. "If I die anyway, I'd choose that kind of death."

"On our way to Kana, you woke up in the middle of the night and we talked," I said. "And you told me how frustrated you were by how little you can do for everyone who's hurt by someone's death. Do you remember?"

"V-vaguely."

"The answer is to stay alive. That simple. Or else wherever you go when you're dead, you'll be seeing a lot of us running around distracting ourselves because it's the only way we can avoid crying. We'll be moving but not forward. If you really want to help people get over our grief, then stay alive."

Sakura crawled towards me and sat to my left. "You thought you were saving me. I'm sorry. It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault but Orochimaru's."

"I'm sorry it took so long to diagnose you correctly."

"Well, you're not a virgin medic," she said. "So that's to be expected."

"I didn't mean to use that against you." I took a drag. "There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. You were too busy saving lives in the hospital to bother fooling around with everybody except the person you liked."

"Ugh. This is probably the saddest part of it all."

"What?"

"I'm going to die a virgin."

"Just to be clear, Sakura, I'm here to save your life. Not to save you from your virgin misery."

She hit my shoulder. "I wasn't thinking that!"

"I was kidding!" I said. "And so long as we're trying there's a chance we won't die. Tomorrow's the start of another battle. Just please promise me you'll try with me. I'm not ready to die yet."

Her eyes widened. Her lips parted. "Shikamaru. Stop smoking. Now."

I felt a gush of blood ascend my throat. It dripped from my mouth and onto my own hands. The cigarette fell on the floor.

Sakura grazed the cigarette on the floor and hauled me to my feet. We staggered to the bathroom, and there, I vomited all the blood my body had rejected.

 **Sakura:**

That morning, we sat around the table: Ino, Naruto, Kakashi, Captain Yamato, Lady Tsunade, Shikaku, Inoichi, Neji, Ayano, and I. Shikamaru stood behind me, acting as a guard, I presumed. Everybody assembled to their current position without greetings and without physical contact. Naruto couldn't stop fidgeting on his seat.

I straightened my clothes and rolled my shoulders back. From today onwards, I decided I would wear only my red top, pink apron skirt, black shorts, black gloves, and black boots. The traditional military coat would have to do for this winter. I would wear no accessory except the forehead protector that bore Konoha's insignia, and I would eat nothing but umeboshi, anmitso, and anko dumplings overflowing with the sweetest syrups. I would demand that the Fifth supplied me with those things for the remainder of my stay here, regardless of how long or short that time would be.

I wanted my medical books too, and for a good reason.

At dawn, while I was watching over Shikamaru's sleeping figure, I rehearsed everything I wanted to say. It had been difficult to drag my mind elsewhere after last night's events. While I wiped the blood off Shikamaru's face with my own blouse – it being the cleanest fabric around – I couldn't find any hint of the anger I had expressed hours prior. His health had caught me off guard. It embarrassed me to admit, even to myself, that I had been afraid of losing him. Too afraid, in fact, that I managed to make myself believe it was Kana's doing. But I felt no urge to scratch my back.

I hoped Shikamaru never noticed.

When he was finally snoring that night, I found I was able to concentrate on what I wanted to say to who those would be visiting me – to the people who were sitting around the table with me today.

Kakashi, I was aware that you aided Shikamaru in stopping Sir Shikaku from delivering the case to the elders. I was sure you also spent more effort than usual in watching over Naruto, which probably meant I owe you big time on our next mission.

Captain Yamato, it was probably you whom Kakashi ordered around to lighten the burden of keeping Naruto's temper in check. The Nine-tails was no joke, and I had seen you try to command it several times to be certain that you have exhausted yourself. If only I was allowed to, I would heal the chakra burn marks around your fingers. If only I could.

Sir Inoichi, you had been a father-figure to me since I entered the military. You had always acted as referee between Ino and I – a role that must have challenged you more than mind infiltration did. I knew I could trust you to remain quiet about the things you saw in my head.

Sir Shikaku, I did not know that you could be as human as I was. All along I thought you were the perfect shinobi – flawless even in your personal affairs. I wasn't mad at you for wanting to surrender me to the elders for execution. Fathers loved their sons beyond beautiful words could give justice to. You may not have realized it – Shikamaru would hate me for saying it – but you were the reason Shikamaru was able to last long enough with me. All these time, he was too afraid of disappointing you. If he ever raised his voice at me or touched me, it was not because he wanted to hurt me. At least, not intentionally.

Lady Tsunade...you hated working against the odds of medical facts. Thank you for shoving aside your principles for my sake. If ever we lose this battle, I wanted you to know that this was enough. You had done more than necessary for a mere apprentice like me.

My eyes settled on Naruto. He looked at me, and he smiled.

I smiled back.

Wouldn't you love to hear what I planned to say to you, Naruto?

The Fifth clasped her hands in front of her and asked what I felt. Was I feeling anything abnormal? Was I overwhelmed?

"Good," I chuckled. "I feel really good. I'm so glad you're here. All of you."

"Of course!" Naruto piped in. "I wouldn't be anywhere else! You can't guess how excited -"

Neji elbowed him. Naruto cut his speech short with a grin. Lady Tsunade wore a smile of her own, but it was forced. She sighed and confessed that her miscalculations only heightened the hazard on my life. I asked her what she meant. She glimpsed Shikamaru and said, "Leaving the both of you here was a mistake. Shikamaru was the first to realize it upon coming to a full understanding of the rebirth. In fact, he made the biggest and most important breakthrough in this case, right, Shikaku?"

Sir Shikaku did not move, only said that he agreed.

"He deserves a lot of credit for keeping the rebirth at bay," continued the Fifth. "The both of you should make up now. It's obvious that you've been in a fight recently. C'mon, none of you are leaving the house until I say so."

I stiffened. Behind me, Shikamaru coughed. "With all due respect, but we're not children. And for the record, we're not at war."

It wasn't loathing that I heard in his voice; rather it was amusement and slight discomfort. I tilted my head sideways, wanting to glimpse him but decided against it. He must have been referring to the latter part of our evening, after I was forced to clean an entire bathroom off his stinking blood. "Yeah. We sorted everything out last night. We're friends. Not husband and wife. I understand that now. I must have freaked you out, Sir Shikaku. I'm sorry. It was the rebirth."

He nodded at me. "I know, Sakura. There's no need to apologize. Anyway, you're unlikely to make that mistake again. Ino, Naruto, and Yamato will be staying here. Kakashi and I will be visiting daily. Shikamaru did tell you that you aren't allowed to return to Konoha yet, didn't he?"

"Yes, sir, he did."

"We're working on settling some political conundrums," explained the Fifth. "However, I doubt you'll be trapped here for more than another week. You should expect to hear from us again in the next three days. Now, as to the plan. Ino and Naruto will join you in this house so as to prevent the rebirth from progressing. Shikamaru is still responsible for watching on your overall health. While we're preparing Konoha for your return – and don't expect it to be peaceful – your priority is to complete the rebirth's design. You've been seeing it, haven't you? Shikamaru said so."

I shut my mouth and digested the information. "You mean you want me to manipulate Kana into showing me more of the rebirth?"

"Exactly-"

"Are you kidding me?" I said, louder than I intended to.

"Kana won't overtake you in the process," Shikamaru retorted.

I twisted on my chair to face him. "You know that for a fact?"

"Sakura." The Fifth stood. "Trust us. If Shikamaru alone was able to help you repress Kana, then I'm quite certain that you'll do better with more of your friends around."

Inoichi slid a piece of paper towards me. I blinked up at him and dared to look down at the sketch. "T-that's the-!"

"That's what we were able to work out so far," he said. "Is it accurate, Sakura?"

I threw myself on the backrest and kept my eyes focused on my boots. Shikamaru repeated the question to me, adding that he was never going to leave me alone unless I supported the progress of the investigation. Nobody seemed to mind that he was using mockery to drag a response out of me. This was getting annoying.

I asked for a pen. Ayano tossed one at me. I caught it and flipped the paper. Retracing the sketch, I added another circle to the design and a few more scripts. The amazement in the senior shinobis' faces were almost tangible. Sir Shikaku shook his head. "Of course!"

I pushed the paper towards him. "You were already working on the reversal jutsu. This thing I drew is the original design. It's not complete. If you let Ayano copy it and give me this one, I may be able to complete it within two days, depending on how well Shikamaru can...well, _help_ me."

Kakashi chuckled. "We were so convinced that because it's Orochimaru, the design would be more complicated."

Even Sir Inoichi smirked. "It's still genius of him. Designs like these are more prone to cause self-destruction among its users. See the thin lines where the chakra must flow? The ones beside the elemental scripts that Sakura drew? One percent higher than the supposed amount and the whole thing can blow up."

"Hence the water," said Sir Shikaku. "The pond. It was supposed to absorb the excess energy and transfer it to the vessel. It didn't matter that Ryo's chakra control was terrible – the water was delivering the excess energy to Sakura, that's why she went into a seizure after Shikamaru pulled her away from Kana."

My visions swayed. One moment I was stealing warmth from the intensity of Naruto's presence, using it to stay rooted in place, and the next I was on my feet and squeezing my hair dry of water from the pond. Panicked by the amount of water seeping out of my skin, I stumbled forward, hit the table, and doubled backwards in an attempt to find my way back to the present.

Each movement echoed throughout the cave. I moved my hand and felt the cord that bound me to Kana. I felt the warmth of a living person beside me. Turning, I collided with Shikamaru. Images of the cave crashed down on me. I tried to explain it to him, and when I couldn't, I threw my arms around him.

Startled as he was, he hugged my waist and let my weight fall on him. The room stilled.

I blinked, and I was back in the cave. Clearer and colder. The tremor of the seizure was seeping back into the pond. Shikamaru was whispering something to my ears.

Don't die. Don't die. He kept on telling me not to die.

Please, Sakura?

Blinking again, I returned to my body – to the present. The trance was interrupted by the unusual movement beneath my hand, where Shikamaru's heart was supposed to be. I jumped away from him. Kakashi held my back to prevent me from hitting the table again. I glanced at the faces in the room.

"What happened?"

"Are you alright?"

"Does anything hurt?"

Lady Tsunade approached us and twirled strands of my hair around her forefinger. Strands of black hair. "Sit down, Sakura. It might not be showing in your personality as much as it did before but she's definitely manifesting herself physically now."

I took the black strands in my own fingers. I felt the blood drain from my face.

Shikamaru brushed the strands away and held my shoulders. "Hey, you knew this was bound to happen. It's nothing you haven't expected since finding out about the rebirth."

"But-!"

"If you panic, you give her ground to manifest quicker. Do you want that?"

Lady Tsunade closed her eyes and exhaled quietly. "You're a medic," she said. "You can map out how she'll start to take over your body. Focusing on the little changes won't help us to move forward. Focus on taking hold of your mind. If you can't tolerate the sight of the rebirth's design now, we'll try again later. Slowly but surely."

Sir Shikaku returned to his seat as well. "My apologies. They're right, Sakura. All you have to do is tell us."

Naruto was leaning across the table towards me, pressing his fists against the table. "You okay there? Maybe you need fresh air?"

"No."I tried to calm my breathing. I was a medic and I was capable of fighting Kana. I had no control over the physical aspect of the rebirth but I had control over everything inside my mind. I ran my fingers across my forearm to make sure my skin was dry. I could still recall the cave. The pond. The feeling of Shikamaru pressed against me and a glimpse of Sai unconscious beneath Ryo.

"Sakura? Sakura!"

"..Sai. I can gauge what changes will happen to me next but how about Sai?"

Ino's frown gave way to the truth. Lady Tsunade admitted it on behalf of everyone. "It will take a miracle to save him, Sakura."

"Don't listen to them," insisted Naruto.

"Why?"

The Fifth ignored Naruto. "Unlike you, he has very little to hold on to."

Ryo was alive. I pinched my thigh to sustain my composure. I should be upset that Sai was dead, but I wasn't. His death meant Ryo was alive. Shikamaru instructed me to scratch my back.

Despite my guilt, I shot him a glare. Kana's temper. "What, can you read my mind now?"

"I'm getting there."

I scratched my back. "Please revive him," I told Lady Tsunade. "Don't lose hope. It will be wrong for me to survive if he doesn't."

Shikamaru snorted. "Scratch your back, Sakura."

"I meant it, Shikamaru!"

"Scratch your back."

"What the hell?" I said. "Do you think that's Kana talking?"

He bent on his waist so we were face-to-face. "It's something only wives say to their husbands."

"Shikamaru!" warned the Fifth.

He didn't flinch. Neither did I. I lifted my hand for him to see and I reached back to scratch. He had no idea how badly I – no, Kana - wanted to spit at his face, but then he also had no idea how bad his health turned out to be. This strict and annoying Shikamaru was a persona he was putting up to motivate me to fight Kana's rebirth. He was being honest when he told me that everything he was doing...he was doing for _me._

Instead of blurting another irate comment, I said nothing and continued scratching. Heat spread across my face.

Shikamaru must really care about me if he was exerting this much effort.

"Well." Lady Tsunade looked back and fro Shikamaru and I. "It seems you've got the momentum going. It's time we went back to Konoha. The clarification on the rebirth's design is extremely useful, Sakura. We have to leave before people start noticing our absence."

She brushed my hair back and kissed my forehead. "You'll be fine."

I grabbed her hand just as she was pulling away. "And mum? And dad? What about them?"

"...They can't know," she whispered. "We're thinking about Konoha's safety. If only it would be wise and safe to bring them here, I would allow it. Only doing so will put them in harm's way."

I let go of her hand.

Kakashi made a joke about Yamato, which was actually funny, and then he said there was no use in waving goodbye. He'd be around to check on me every day. Captain Yamato ruffled my hair. He'd talk to me later, after Shikamaru led him to a vacant room. They climbed the stairs together with Ino and Kakashi.

Neji approached me next. He shook my hand. "You are stronger than you made us believe."

"Powers of deception," I said and pulled him down to my height. "Are you sure that Shikamaru's supposed to be on the road to recovery?"

"Yes. Why?"

I peered at the adults standing by the doorway, who were waiting for the others to finish saying their goodbye to me. They were too busy discussing something within their group to notice Neji and I. "I can't tell you. But think again about your deductions."

He froze. "Sakura, is Shikamaru...?"

I nodded once. "I made a promise not to tell."

"You should."

"I can't." I met Ayano's gaze. She bowed her head at me. This was as decent as we could get with each other. The bitch – that much I remembered.

Sir Inoichi and Sir Shikaku waved at me from the doorway. I made sure to smile my best at them, particularly at Lady Tsunade. She merely gave me the OK sign.

Once the front door was shut, there were only two of us in the room.

Naruto and I.

He stood on the other side of the table, staring ahead. He donned his usual outfit, save for the jacket, which he replaced with a tight black shirt that revealed the muscles of his upper body. I doubted if I had ever seen him look so mature before.

He rounded the table and took my hand. I stepped closer to him and wrapped my right arm around his neck. "I can't believe I missed you," I said.

He laughed. I pulled away from him and asked why he was suddenly speechless.

Naruto kept smiling. He drew out a white pill from his pocket. "This is the medicine for tummy aches, right?"

I lifted it towards the light. "You finally got it!"

"And I cleaned my apartment before I went here," he said, puffing his chest out. "I donated all the ramen I bought to Choji, because they're due to expire by the time we're both out of here."

"You better! I think you're getting the hang of responsible living, Naruto. Good for you!"

"And Sakura?"

"Yup?"

"You're still Sakura," he said. "Because even if you feel slightly different, I'm pretty sure you're still the girl I made a promise to. Once this is over we'll bring Sasuke home and we can shove it in Kana's face that the two of you are not the same. Because Sasuke might have left but it's not permanent. We're making a damn good effort to guarantee that, aren't we?"

I clung to his shirt and bowed my head. Maybe it was his presence – just his presence. There was no other man like him, and I bet Kana was alienated by him. "You really want to save me, don't you, Naruto?"

"Orochimaru's not gonna be able to steal you from me," he said. "Not Sasuke, not Sai, and especially not you."

Wiping my tears with my hands, I straightened up and flashed him my biggest smile. He wasn't going to lose me. I'd make sure of that.

We walked out of the kitchen and into the corridor leading to the stairs. As we were climbing up, I asked myself who was going to make sure Shikamaru stayed alive.


	33. Chapter Thirty-Two

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Thirty - Two**

 **Shikamaru**

It was a good plan.

Having her recall the pattern in the map while grounding Sakura's true identity using the presence of the people she cared for was a good plan.

I taped the scrolls on the wall and stepped back to get a better picture of the kind of hard work I'd be enduring in the coming days. If I spend the entire night improving the map, there wouldn't be a need for Sakura to tire herself combating Kana.

I grazed my fingers across the highlighted passages, muttering to myself the series of texts I'd rearranged a thousand times but couldn't piece together to form a coherent message with. Discouraging as it may appear, I considered each wrong interpretation a shove that brought me closer to the solution. Heck, I may even have discovered the solution but was standing too close to see it for what it was. The involvement of a Yamanaka and Captain Yamato could help speed up the elimination process.

A group of highly trained people from Intelligence could solve this now given the progress I'd made with it. All we lacked was time, and in exchange for time, we had to actively bargain with Sakura's life.

The second the Fifth asked her to do it, I knew we were desperate. She wouldn't risk it if she could, but now that it was the life of her entire team on the line she had to stop prioritizing Sakura's survival.

"It's a map." Kakashi stood beside me and didn't add anything to his observation. With our superiors handling the conundrum back in Konoha, they had entrusted him with keeping our movements here discreet but efficient. As much as I hated working with the guy who seemed to always come at the right time to save me from my mistakes, I had no choice but to depend on him.

"The gap in the middle could be a water formation but I've checked the maps and nothing quite fits."

"Depends on what kind of map it is."

"Yes, but it should still match something geographically."

"You're thinking the texts could give you the answer."

"This is a coded message," I said. "Meant to reveal something to someone or to keep track of a plan without piquing the interest of any onlooker. There's a secret there but I can't unravel it."

"Just as well since we're dealing with the rebirth jutsu." He glanced sideways at me. "Speaking of which, how do you plan on telling Sakura?"

I glimpsed the adjacent corridor through the corner of my eye. The less people meddling with my decisions, I thought, the better. "That shouldn't be a problem," I said. "She'll want to live more than she'll ever want to see me again. There's no conflict in that."

"That's not what I see," he said. "It was unavoidable for her to have grown attached to you – "

" – Kana mistakes me for – "

"Sakura had been fighting it by herself," he said. "Probably since Naruto's trespassing. You have to consider that not everything she did since originates from Kana. If she was slowly differentiating you from Sasuke and Ryo, it means some of her actions towards you were sincere. They were intended for the Shikamaru she knew before the mission. You'll have to think your separation through."

My temples pulsated. I pulled up a chair and sat, gripping my knees to keep myself sitting upright. "I thought we had an understanding. I never intended to kill Sakura. It wasn't luck that I only put her to sleep."

"I didn't have to say anything to Inoichi after he infiltrated your mind."

I paused to listen to the noises from the other parts of the house. Footfalls below us, probably from Sakura and Naruto. Chatters in the rooms along the corridor, that shrill voice undoubtedly Ino's. "He thinks I'm unstable."

"Too unstable to be making reliable judgement in the near future, especially since this is only going to get more difficult from here onwards."

"Tell me this isn't Shikaku trying to protect me."

"It doesn't matter if it's his doing." Kakashi lowered his hand to my right shoulder. "Don't consider you being recalled to Konoha an indication that you've failed the team. You haven't failed anybody, especially not Sakura. Consider this a warning that you've reached your limit and exhausting yourself further will only endanger us. Had Asuma been here, he'd surely be giving you the same advice."

I slapped his hand away. "Don't use Asuma to get me to obey orders."

"You're not the only person who knew him, Shikamaru." He prised open the nearest window and looked over his shoulder. "I told you that because he was the only person you truly listened to."

"Where are you going?"

He stared at the snow-covered clearing for a moment. "I have business left to finish in Konoha. I'll be back here as soon as I've completed my tasks."

A cloud of smoke enveloped him, his hand formations too quick for me to have seen even in our proximity. I inhaled but the smoke didn't have a scent. Whenever Asuma used that technique, he left behind the scent from his spent cigarette.

I remembered the cigarette between my lips yesterday evening. The warmth in my lungs. The blood on my hands. I remembered the feeling of Sakura's hand on my back and the image of blood on the bathroom tiles. If I were lucky I'd have time left to finish my personal business in Konoha. I'd settle the matter with the map in the next couple of days, get recalled to help and recuperate in the village proper, and hopefully die with the knowledge that I'd be the last casualty of the rebirth case.

Captain Yamato entered the living room shortly, followed by Ino, and then Sakura and Naruto. Once we were gathered, I briefed them on how the rebirth was working and assigned tasks to Ino and Naruto that would focus on reviving Sakura's memories. The information I'd learned first-hand by studying Sakura sometimes got overwhelming for Ino and Naruto that I had to explain the same knowledge more than twice. I couldn't blame them, though, even though the impatience was already evident in my voice.

The rebirth jutsu followed no pattern, which was often enough to throw off shinobis who were trained to calculate enemy movement merely through the patterns that enabled all forms of combat. Go off those patterns and the risks increased more than twenty percent.

Ino and Naruto were only beginning to grasp that.

"We're not completely sure in what direction she's being taken over, hence we're going to target specific memories," said Ino."This is in hopes that the scattered characteristic of these memories would strengthen Sakura even while the rebirth is feeding Kana. Am I correct?"

Naruto covered Sakura's ears and scowled at me. "Hey, Shikamaru, shouldn't Sakura be somewhere she can't hear us?"

"It doesn't matter if Kana knows!" Sakura hit his head. "The rebirth is still going to happen! What you need to do is act normally around me, got it?"

"I was only being cautious, Sakura! You didn't have to be violent!"

"Enough, you two!" Ino slammed her hand on the table. "You're so noisy I won't be surprised if Kana simply chooses to shrivel and die because of all your shouting!"

Captain Yamato laughed. "What a relief that would be if that happened, Ino."

"But it's not going to happen that way," she said. "So we should focus on estimating the extent of her amnesia and what memories we should trigger."

"I don't think I can recall anything that has happened in the past three months," she said to Naruto. "Ask me anything. We must have been in a mission together – we always are."

Naruto scratched the back of his head. "Ah! How about when I saved you from that fire user? Then you had to heal me afterwards because I got my left foot burnt badly! You can't forget that! You half-carried me back to Konoha and then you brought me food in the hospital for one week!"

Sakura tapped her foot. She tipped her head back and shut her eyes.

Captain Yamato leaned in to whisper to me, "The rebirth must be near consuming all her memories."

"She has new ones," I coughed. She had new memories with _me_.

Ino pulled her chair closer to Sakura's. She insisted that Sakura rest for a while. Naruto agreed. I refuted their suggestions. "Sakura," I said. "Go spend time with Naruto. Naruto, narrate to her as many vivid memories of your childhood as you can. It's the best way to start."

"Why my childhood?"

"Kana must have had a pretty dull childhood, so it's one phase of your memories that will be a clear contrast," I explained. "If there's one thing that will be difficult to merge, it must be that."

Ino put her hands on her hips – her usual thinking pose. "Shikamaru's correct. Takeo must have raised the children in the program like military men. Captain Yamato, weren't you raised that way in the ANBU?"

"I can't indulge you with those details," he said. "I think it will be more effective if you can magnify memories of your parents. Children play and hurt one another even without actual weapons. Parents, on the other hand, can be quite the difficult memory to forge or to replace. They will be your saving grace."

"But they can't be _here..."_ Sakura found her strands of black hair, frowned at them, and tucked them behind her ears. "They don't know about my condition, do they? Nevermind. This can wait. The map has to be sorted as soon as possible."

"You're more important than that map," said Naruto.

"Sakura, you'll only worry us if you can't differentiate yourself from Kana while working on the map." I tipped my head to the left, indicating the staircase. "Go hang out with Ino and Naruto. Exercise your memories. Ino knows how to trigger them with a ninjutsu. Leave the map to Captain Yamato and me for the night."

She mouthed something I couldn't understand. The protest was evident in her expression but she wouldn't verbalize her thoughts. If we were alone I'd have urged her to spill it, but for some reason I was afraid of hearing what she had to say.

To think that after everything we'd endured in this mission - everything we'd done to and for each other – we'd return a point where we'd be nervous in the face of honesty.

She broke away from my gaze and said they'd prepare lunch while performing the mind exercises. I insisted that lunch could also wait, and instead of telling me off about my fear that she'd hurt Ino and Naruto with my grandmother's chopping knife, she relented on focusing on their task. Her lack of vigour in opposing my judgement made me ponder the strength of our trust in one another.

Or was she simply holding back on me?

* * *

Captain Yamato and I skimmed through piles of scrolls until nightfall. We'd managed to expand the map then, but it wasn't enough to pinpoint its exact location and purpose. The living room became a mess of misplaced furniture, unravelled scrolls, crumpled papers, scattered markers, and forgotten cups of coffee, tea, and shots of sake for relief.

That I'd pick up on this particular working habit of Shikaku's worried me, especially when Captain Yamato noticed it.

"So much like him," he'd said while translating foreign texts in one of the thicker scrolls. "He says shots of sake relax his brain enough to make sense of complex puzzles."

The numbing of my left arm forced me to sit on the floor and take deep breaths."I only took this out because it looked out of place in gramps' library. Had no idea it was there until earlier. Thought it a waste. Doesn't mean I'm copying dad."

He merely stared at me for a moment and said nothing of it, perhaps noting the hint of hostility in my voice and deeming it best not to pry.

At around eight o'clock, Sakura and Ino served dinner to the team in the living room so we could eat while working on the map. With all of us combined in the same room, however, it soon became impossible to be productive with the work at hand.

Naruto kept on asking the same questions and Ino kept on teasing him for each one he threw to Captain Yamato. Sakura continued stealing glances at me although she knew I was aware of her awkward behaviour, and in return I kept on eyeing her every movement, wanting to know whether she'd need me without having to wait for her to ask.

Eventually, we all gave up attempting to multitask and simply focused on enjoying our meal. After all, we were all tired. Tired from worrying, tired from fearing that each moment could be our last effort to save ourselves both from the enemy and from possible regrets.

I found myself watching Ino and asking myself when our final moment was bound to happen.

"Ino, you pig!" said Sakura.

"I've been stuck in Lab Five since you got out of the hospital! Do you have any idea what food tastes like when it's in the same room as a freakin' corpse?"

"You eat beside corpses, Ino?" Naruto stuck his tongue out. "And I thought you were a woman of class."

Ino punched Naruto's leg as he passed behind her, nearly tripping him and endangering the scrolls he carried. "That's a high expectation coming from someone like you, Naruto!" she said.

Sakura zipped up her jacket and sat on the floor opposite Ino. "I can literally see the beef as it settles in your stomach. Yuck."

"And I can literally see my reflection on your forehead, Forehead!"

Moving an armful of scrolls towards the pile we'd finished inspecting earlier, I sat between them and said, "Why is everyone picking on Ino? She looks fine."

"Thank you, Shikamaru."

"And the food tastes great," chirped Captain Yamato. "I thought they were giving you war provisions. This beef is exceptional. You are all growing children. Eat as much as you like."

Ino rolled her eyes and put down her bowl of beef teriyaki. "That's it. Growing children. If I get any bigger than I am, I'm bound to explode. Thanks, Captain Yamato!"

He plucked the chopsticks out of his mouth. "Did I say anything wrong?"

"Men never say anything right to women." Sakura later added that it was particularly true when men were drunk. The entire room fell quiet at the mention of intoxication.

I raised a piece of broccoli to my face for close inspection, pretending to be interested in it when all that was running in my head was one particular night we all got drunk in a bar at Konoha's Southern District. Sakura had no idea what she had dragged into the room.

Naruto swallowed his food too quickly. He coughed and hit his chest thrice. "I have no idea what she's talking about."

I swallowed. "How about you ask Captain Yamato?"

The captain turned his head the other way. "How about we return to work?"

Ino pinched my leg and widened her eyes. I recoiled and flattened the scroll across my face. Sakura finally asked why everybody was acting weird. Ino stopped pinching. She poked my neck. "You coward!"

"I'm eating!"

Naruto chuckled. "I wouldn't call Shikamaru a coward when he's drunk."

Captain Yamato laughed.

I twisted on the floor to see him. "You weren't even supposed to be there, were you?"

"Kakashi asked for my help," he retorted.

Sakura put down her bowl and her chopsticks and leaned back on her hands. "Okay, guys, I'm totally lost. Shikamaru, when were you ever drunk?"

"Like, three months ago." Ino told her, matter-of-factly. "I can't believe you forgot! It was you who got him drunk!"

"It was _you_ ," I said to Ino.

"Sakura lost the bet!"

Naruto joined our circle. "It was Kiba who dragged Shikamaru and Neji to the bar so it was his fault."

My fingernails dug into my trousers, embedding themselves on my skin, wishing that I wasn't so intent on punching Naruto. Why did he have to sit so close to Sakura?

"Anyway, it's not worth remembering," I interrupted. "We all know it's Naruto who'll get the most embarrassed if we try to recall it. It's always him."

" _Try_?" Ino said. "You can't even _try_ , Shikamaru. You passed out!"

"And I believe the man who's supposed to bring me out of there passed out soon after I did."

Captain Yamato wiped the sweat on his brow. "I didn't drink. Kakashi set me up."

"And you always let him bully you!" Ino scolded him. "We were so convinced that you're better than that man!"

Despite the humiliation brewing in my gut, and despite my annoyance towards Naruto, I allowed myself to smile. It seemed like a long time since I'd been dragged into a senseless discussion like this one. Who ever thought I would miss it? Now the scrolls surrounding us felt harmless. They were a threat, but nothing that was impossible to neutralize.

In the midst of our laughter, I noticed Sakura and the intensity through which she watched us with. She must have noticed me stare because she waved me off and picked up her chopsticks.

I caught her hand midway. She looked at me again, but with fright this time.

No, I thought. She remembered nothing of that night. It was just before the mission. She had been the most sober of us all then.

Naruto called her name. Sakura snapped her head at him. Was she alright? She said that he was being too paranoid. Ino glanced at me to inquire tacitly. I held my forehead. This was troublesome.

Captain Yamato inserted himself in our circle and asked Sakura openly if she did not remember that night. Sakura answered that she did. Could she please share with us what she remembered? Sakura retorted that it wasn't important; besides, we had worked to do. Right, Shikamaru?

I said nothing. She slammed her bowl of food on the floor and stood. Naruto caught up with her even before I could get to my feet. They stood in front of each other on the mouth of the corridor. He never attempted to reach out to her, to hold her hand, or to pull her in an embrace like I had to. He simply stood there, at a respectable distance from her, and assured her that she could tell us the truth. Did she remember that night?

Sakura sighed and confessed that she didn't. She turned to me and asked, "Will triggering memories really work at this stage? I can hardly recall anything we've talked about today."

"You sobered me up through an IV drip," I said. They shifted their focus on me simultaneously, curious. There was no use waiting to be alone with Sakura to admit this story. Our chances of being alone would be rare from now on, and I wouldn't want to revert into our play of husband and wife. Besides, I was admitting this only because it was necessary. Not to produce any special reaction from her, see if she cared enough to remember me even when she'd forgotten about most.

"You still manage to retain your personality so it means it's possible to combat Kana by triggering memories," I said. "It's just a matter of making those memories surface from the rebirth."

"IV drip?" asked Ino, her eyebrows raised.

I cringed. "Kakashi actually went there because I'm supposed to accompany dad to a meeting with the Feudal Lord the next morning. Sakura was so guilty she carried me to the hospital and attached an IV on me - " speaking to Sakura now " – Kakashi owes you. He promised to treat you to expensive sushi after our mission with Kana. Try to imagine it. Doing so should help improve your chances of recovering your memories."

Ino folded her arms across her chest and looked back and fro Sakura and me. "This is the first time I've heard that story."

Naruto looked dubious. "Are you sure you weren't dreaming it?"

"W-why?" I asked.

"For starters, that's something Sakura would've bragged about," Ino said. "C'mon, she saved your ass. We're talking about Sir Shikaku and the Feudal Lord here! Any sane kunoichi would blackmail you!"

"Being carried by a woman and nursed to sobriety isn't something to brag about, unless it hasn't crossed your minds!" I turned to Sakura. "You could've bragged about it or blackmailed me but you didn't. It would've worked. But it never came up again and I don't know your reasons. I remember you going on and on that night about me having no choice but to help you with your case study. That's all. Does it ring a bell?"

"I must've been preoccupied with our upcoming mission." Sakura forced a smirk. "If I were being strategic – which I usually am – I would've made sure you'll be needing my help in the mission so I could double your debt to me. It was a matter of timing, Shikamaru. For someone so smart, you couldn't have possibly thought I was letting you off the hook so easily!"

Her effort was commendable. I returned to eating my food and let the others take over the conversation. Ino was quick to say that she would never go to the Southern District again after the horrible experience she had with our group.

It shouldn't upset me but it did. I was bothered that she couldn't recall the bluish glow of the hospital room we were in, the calm with which she attached the needle on the inside of my elbow, and of the comfortable silence we sat in while we were waiting for my drunkenness to subside.

There were tiny moments like those that I was only recognizing now, probably because if I didn't, they'd cease to exist altogether. And suddenly those moments seemed important. They were the honest times between Sakura and me that proved we did share an understanding that went beyond strategy and enemy lines.

What this understanding was didn't become clear to me until the following day, when Captain Yamato and I were left alone again to discuss the map and how best to mentally combat the rebirth without the use of elaborate ninjutsus and medical equipment. There was also the fact that while it was possible to postpone the transformation, it didn't lessen the urgency to use the reversal jutsu on Sakura soon. After all, I told him absently, we had so little time to wrap things up before we got caught in the political web of our enemies.

"I believe Kakashi left you with an assignment," he said. Seeing the confused look I gave him, he added, "To speak to Sakura."

I leaned over the scroll I had laid out and sighed. "I will, I will. Geez. And I'm not worried she'll take it badly, you know? She doesn't remember me as much as she does everybody else. That was evident last night. Let's not make this more troublesome than it already is."

He bent on his waist to highlight a passage in green. "And all these time we thought she was the one who had hidden feelings for you."

"What are you talking about?" I whipped my head to the right to get a glimpse of Ino, Sakura, and Naruto's figures on the clearing. They wouldn't be able to hear us from this distance, especially with the focus mind exercises required, but somehow the thought still made me nervous. "I don't like her that way."

He continued highlighting passages. "Sometimes you realize it too late. It's a matter of admitting how you managed to hold out this long in spite of your mental and physical trauma."

"Look, the entire thing was my fault."

"That's not what I was told." He capped his pen to look at me. "Sakura stepped into their trap on her own free will. Guilt doesn't take you as far as you've gone. Whatever you feel is perfectly normal. She's an admirable girl. You only need to see her working in the hospital to realize her life will mean a lot to so many people."

Oh. He wasn't referring to it romantically. I'd been too defensive, too easy to believe people could only see Sakura and me as either vague acquaintances or romantic partners. Perhaps it was all in my head, considering we'd practically been forced to jump from the former to the latter without having to swim in the currents of friendship first. I looked out into the clearing again. Her pink hair stood out from the snow-covered landscape like a drop of cherry blossom on a frozen lake.

I thought the same thing when she was attaching the IV on me. She resembled a figure in a painting, where the painter does his best to make her stand out and craft the background so it would emphasize her subtle tricks of seduction. The shuffle of her skirt against my knee while she scolded me about hanging out with them in a bar hours prior an important meeting. What was I thinking? I'd never been so irresponsible before.

Sakura waking up in the forest as I was keeping watch. The clicking noise of the lighter annoyed her, but not as much as my sad face did. My heart beat so fast when she said that. Out of anger or out of gratitude – I couldn't tell. But I knew there was a sense of relief to have my thoughts and emotions seen plainly on my face by another person. No need for me to search for words or calculate her many possible reactions.

She just saw them and caught me off guard with her precision.

I uncapped a yellow marker and feigned annoyance to hide my thoughts. "That's a lot coming from someone who was so easily played by Sanae."

Captain Yamato lowered his head to hide his blush. He pretended to be looking for something in a scroll. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I stood beside him in front of the wall. "You think this isn't just guilt?"

He blinked at me, surprised at my question, and inverted a scroll on the wall before answering me. "It's when you feel strongly for a fellow shinobi that you become a true shinobi. Otherwise this is all just aimless killing and saving, all for survival and none for living," he said. "So, have you planned how you're going to say goodbye to her?"

* * *

Goodbyes.

How could I say goodbye to someone I felt so strongly for? It wasn't love, but it wasn't merely my sense of responsibility also.

I sat hunched on the dining table eating my meals while pondering on what best to say to her. I couldn't be as bold as when it was just the two of us here. Since the arrival of our team members, we'd unconsciously decided to re-establish the walls that bulwarked our identities as two average shinobis that had crossed paths in this unfortunate mission. Sakura and Shikamaru. Nothing more.

"Of course, I had the best team members during the chuunin exams!" Ino had patted my shoulder during lunch and winked at me, probably to boost my self-esteem. Instead of getting a response from me, however, Naruto stood and boasted of his own team.

Insults always sufficed to get Ino talking back non-stop, but even while she was defending herself I noticed she'd always direct remarks my way to break my trance.

Better get this over with before Ino could probe my strange behaviour towards them. I knew she had questions already – that much was obvious with the manner she brushed her shoulder against mine and called my name. She was simply looking for the right opportunity to ask.

Whatever those questions were, I was afraid she'd hear the abnormal beating of my heart as I answer. I was afraid she'd ask if I was in a physical decline. Worse, she could want to spend time with me alone. Even if she'd permit me to wrap my arms around her, I'd do a horrible thing and imagine Sakura in her place because the truth was, she was all I could think of any time of the day. And I'd rather deny my feelings for Ino than betray her with my thoughts.

After dinner, I set our team up in the living room and assigned groups of scrolls to Ino, Naruto, and Captain Yamato. The point was to lessen the time wasted on searching for scrolls that could help complete the map. As with Sakura, it was a matter of urging her to speak her mind, may it be her or Kana's thoughts. Responding to her could be tricky, but they had to make sure everything they'd say would assist Sakura in her goal of discovering the entirety of the map.

"Should you see any scroll under your care form a connection to the highlighted scripts, don't hesitate to pull it out," I said and flattened my hand on the map on the wall. "The voices Sakura hear speak clearer to her when she's working on this. Sakura, you'll probably react badly whenever they get something correctly. If you start to feel out of control or a little sick, tell Ino. I've instructed her on how to take care of you."

Sakura tied her hair in a ponytail and nodded at the map. "Got it."

I felt myself smile at her, shook my head to stop my emotions from showing, and cleared my throat. "Call me if there's an emergency. Captain Yamato, I'll leave this to you."

Sakura looked at the captain and then at me. I signalled for the team to start familiarizing themselves with their assigned scrolls. Once they had their backs turned with enthusiastic cheers to get started – albeit the anxiety was obvious in Ino and Naruto's stance – I assured myself they could do this without me and turned around.

Footsteps sounded behind me in the corridor.

"Where are you going? We're starting," said Sakura.

I turned right to another corridor while explaining that that without me in the picture, Kana would have nothing to help her combat Sakura. "She still sees me as her husband, doesn't she? Sees Ryo in me? You're better off without me in the picture. I'll be listening in from the other room. Besides, I've already memorized the scrolls. I can work on them without holding them in my hands."

Sakura blocked my path. "Are you afraid I'm going to attack you again?"

"Are you hearing Kana?"

"She's whispering," she said. "I can't understand what it is but it's annoying."

"If she hasn't been degraded to her primitive survival instincts, she won't force you to attack anyone. She won't risk getting your body killed, not when she's successfully manifesting herself physically."

Sakura set her jaw. "You don't have to go."

I gripped her shoulder and tried to move her to the side. "The soonest they understand how the rebirth is working on you, I'll have to keep my distance, Sakura. I'm bad for you."

She put her hand above mine. I pulled away. Sakura clung to my arm. I clutched her jacket and tugged with all my strength but she couldn't be moved. From the adjacent corridor, we heard Naruto calling out to her.

"There's something you don't understand!" Her body trembled. Her lips paled. "While I was telling you about the dream - what I did - I-It wasn't Kana. I was distinguishing you from Ryo. I understood who you were and I needed to hold you because you were my only link to my true identity as Sakura and I-I needed some confirmation that you, Shikamaru, weren't my enemy – that you weren't there to help Kana but to help me! That you touched me because you liked me and not because you were pretending to be my – Kana's – husband! If I focus hard enough while we're this close, you're not Ryo. I can remember you."

I stepped closer. Her shoulders rose. She pursed her lips to keep her breath in her throat. Gathering my strength in my arms, I pushed her backwards and pinned her on the wall with one hand, using her moment of surprise to free my other hand. I stepped back and she finally exhaled.

"But there's no real need for you to remember me now that there are others in this house who mean more to you," I said. "And we have to take precaution. We're not sure whether Kana's also benefiting from my proximity. We'll take it slowly. Re-establish the physical gap between us. Regardless of your ability to distinguish me from Ryo and Sasuke, you have to start getting used to my absence. I'm getting recalled to Konoha as soon as the map is complete."

Her eyes brightened. "When exactly?"

That the news of our separation seemed to please her caused me to stiffen. "No date yet. Just as soon as the map-"

"Don't wait for the damn map." Her gaze went to my chest. "Go back to Konoha now."

"…I can't just leave you like this."

"You've already instructed them and I already know what to do."

"Only experience will show them how to look after you and guarantee your safety, Sakura," I said. "I'm not leaving until that map is done and I'm assured you can suppress Kana."

"Your heart is failing you, Shikamaru." She sniffed and dared to approach me. She stood there, fidgeting, almost in tears. "When I embraced you out of panic during the entire team's visit, I had this flashback of the mission and you were telling me not to die. 'Sakura, don't die', you kept on saying. My hand was above your heart, and it was by reflex, maybe, that I sensed its irregular beating. The facts just struck me and I knew at once that your heart is failing you. Please, go to Konoha right now and have yourself medicated. I won't let you die. I don't care about the things you had to do to save me. I'm even sorry that I was so mad at you when you were on the right all along. C'mon, move your ass! Go to Konoha! It will be wrong for me to survive if you don't, Shikamaru."

I raised my fist, wanting to punch something, and ended up pointing my finger at her face. "Don't."

"Shikamaru,"

"Don't show that kind of affection, Sakura," I said. "I'm not your husband. I'm not Ryo, I'm not Naruto, and I'm not Sasuke."

She reached for me. I stepped back. "Don't. Being in physical contact with me triggers your misunderstanding that I'm Ryo. Don't tell me that it's wrong for you to survive if I don't. That's what Kana says to Ryo. We're not them."

"You're changing the subject."

Captain Yamato appeared in the mouth of the corridor. He held his hand out, signalling Naruto and Ino not to approach.

I walked further down the corridor to keep them from hearing us. "This is the only subject, Sakura."

She jogged after me. "It's not about Kana and Ryo!"

"It's about them!" I said. "We won't even be here, talking or arguing or whatever this is if not for that mission going haywire! It's already complicated as it is – "

"It will be less complicated if you don't die," she said. "You were in the pond while the jutsu was still active. This is my fault too."

"What good would my life be?" I said. "Asuma died, Sai died, I'm about to die – I've known since the night I vomited blood that I wasn't recovering. Keeping you alive is the one good thing I've done in my life."

Naruto scolded at us, saying we shouldn't keep to ourselves.

Sakura looked over her shoulder to make sure none of them were approaching. Before she could turn her head to look at me again, I'd already swept her up in an embrace.

There was never going to be a proper goodbye, not when both of us could die the next second. But I felt I had to at least try to show her my gratitude for sobering me up with an IV drip, recognizing my sadness while we were at camp, eating dinner with me in that gloomy hospital cafeteria, and refusing to embrace me back now because she was a stubborn kunoichi who'd need more than words to surrender to my decision.

I wondered what it would take to convince her.

 _I'd die saving you, Sakura._ I really would.


	34. Chapter Thirty-Three

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Thirty - Three**

 **Sakura/Shikamaru**

 **Sakura:**

His body wasn't a sacrifice. He was neither the victim of the rebirth nor an instrument to its fulfillment. For that reason the jutsu decided they didn't know what else to do with him but to kill him. It was its only logical reaction to something it had not been purposed to handle.

I stood in front of the map, aware that although Ino, Naruto, and Captain Yamato were piecing together the scrolls, they had part of their attention fixed on me. I touched the map and read the highlighted passages. For once I wanted Kana's whispers to grow into deafening screams. Go wild in my head, bitch. Turn all my hair to black. I didn't care. I'd finish this map in less than forty-eight hours if it meant saving Shikamaru.

While we didn't succeed in adding to the pattern that evening, we did succeed in correcting the positions of misplaced scrolls. The empty space in the middle turned into a maze of rectangles and the highlighted passages formed a perimeter around them.

We wrapped it up and retired to our rooms at two in the morning. Alone to entertain my thoughts, I finally acknowledged how badly I itched to see Shiikamaru. There was no need for us to exchange words. It was enough to just see him lying on his bed - perhaps drooling again - and breathing. To see his chest rising and falling because that was what living humans did. We breathed.

I was swimming too deep into these thoughts as I lay on my own bed that it took me several moments to realize Ino was calling my name.

Too upset to talk to her, I remained lying on my side and breathing steadily to fool her into thinking I was fast asleep. She called my name once more and - receiving no response - gave up. Just as I was feeling guilty for snubbing her, I heard footsteps outside my room. Ino's blankets shuffled. The door creaked. I turned towards Ino's bed in time to hear the knob click into place.

Perhaps our workload had kept her mind on overdrive and she now found it challenging to relax. Nah. Who was I kidding? She was the most eager of us to rest! The ninjutsu she used on me had already consumed most of her energy before sunset. I was expecting her to pass out hours before we called it a day.

Besides, there was someone lurking in the corridor. Whatever it was that forced her to abandon sleep must be more important to her than her beauty rest.

I tried not to imagine what she could be doing and with whom. In this big house. With so many rooms and enough gloom to shield them from prying eyes.

I pulled the blanket up to my nose and stared at the expanse of darkness above me. Lying so still like this, it felt as though the only thing moving within the room was my heart.

Beating so fast.

I slid off my bed and crept to the door. From where I stood I couldn't hear any sound coming from the corridor. Of course I wouldn't hear a thing so easily. Anyone being discreet wouldn't go around making noise just because they'd crept out of their rooms unnoticed. And by chance the footfalls I'd heard before Ino left the room belonged to Shikamaru…by chance they belonged to him, what was I to do about it?

Summoning a clone, I ordered her to take my place on the bed and pretend to be asleep. I opened the door as slowly as I could and managed to slip through the gap. Crouched in the dark corridor like this, I felt I was indeed Kana, intent on harming my colleagues while they were asleep.

I slammed my palm on my face. This was stupid.

If those two love-struck, hormonal teenagers wanted to go make-out in the wee hours of the morning while I was dying, nobody was going to stop them. Ino could be pregnant in the morning for all I cared. At least if Shikamaru died, Shikaku wouldn't have to worry about an heir.

I tiptoed down the stairs and considered it a good idea to rummage the kitchen. Tea. Water. Beer. Maybe Lady Tsunade was thoughtful enough to leave a bottle of sake under the sink for me to find in depressing nights like this.

"Shikamaru?"

Ino's voice made me stop dead in the middle of the staircase. I gripped the railing, feeling the heat embrace my face the longer the silence stretched.

"Did Shizune really ask you to deliver a message or is there something else you want to tell me, Ino?"

"It's either I'm too obvious or you're too smart," she said. "I've been trying to pull you aside since I arrived but it seemed impossible until now."

Hearth room. I leaped over the railing and landed on the corridor to the right of the staircase. The rebirth could've affected my chakra control – I hadn't bothered to check until now – but if Kana was as skilled a medic as we deemed her to be, making my presence invisible shouldn't be difficult even in my transformation.

The surge of chakra within my pathways calmed to mere strings of energy. I walked along the staircase's shadow and leaned against the wall. From my vantage point, I could see Shikamaru and Ino standing near the hearth.

The light from inside the room spilled into the corridor and formed an orange glow across the floor. It threatened to wash away the first layers of darkness that concealed me. I had to be careful of that.

"Is it about the 'political conundrum' they're fixing back in Konoha?" Shikamaru asked.

"It's more important than that."

"Nothing can be more important than the matters at hand," said Captain Yamato.

I pressed myself harder against the wall and held my breath. He entered my field of vision and opened a window directly to the right of Ino. He sighed and announced that he was going to report to the Hokage, but they couldn't keep on kicking him out. "The map has to make sense soon, Shikamaru," he said. "And you shouldn't be interrupting us so casually, Ino. There were some confidential - "

"Please, you were done talking when I butt in!"

"You can say it with him around," Shikamaru said. The captain vanished before he could urge him to stay. I knew what Ino wanted to talk about the second Captain Yamato disappeared.

No one dared to touch the personal lives of their military superiors, particularly those in the intelligence division. Whenever men dispersed quicker than air, it was almost always because they were avoiding even the slightest information concerning the personal matters of the intelligence's brass. Many hid behind the excuse that they wanted to maintain a professional atmosphere, but the truth was that intelligence division was a cruel branch of the military, especially because their leaders were brutal and they would go through certain measures to keep their lives private.

Shikaku was the current leader of the pack. As far as gossip went, he was a good leader but also a big mystery. Nobody really knew much about his private life except for the mundane facts such as the name of his son and his wife, their address, and that he was the head of his clan.

It was a little funny that even an ANBU like Captain Yamato participated in these trivial things. Until now I thought they only cared about completing their missions.

"Great." Shikamaru pulled close the windowpanes. "I'm not talking about Shikaku, Ino."

"Just listen, will you?"

"You shouldn't be getting yourself involved with my family's personal matters. And besides, this isn't the appropriate time-"

"Shut up, Shikamaru," she said. "You can give me all your smart-ass excuses and it will not change the fact that you look miserable."

"Maybe you've forgotten that Sai has turned into Ryo and Sakura is barely holding onto dear life."

"Or maybe you can stop hiding the pain of having Uncle Shikaku lie to you."

Shikamaru set his lips in a straight line. The veins on his neck protruded as though he was preparing to scream. All he did, however, was exhale and shake his head. Again he told Ino it was none of her business.

Ino reached out and placed the tips of her fingers on the curve of his shoulder. "Hey, I don't know how you feel. But I do know that losing a parent sucks. Big time. You haven't lost yours, Shikamaru. Don't throw Uncle Shikaku away."

"You have no idea how big of a liar that son of a –"

"That box wasn't made by a prostitute," she said. "Your brother or-or whatever he is did not come from a random woman."

"I can't believe he's using you to defend himself."

"Shikamaru, it wasn't-"

"-I don't want to talk about it."

"We will!"

He raised his voice but he was no match to Ino. She started her narrative with her encounter with his mother several nights prior, and the deeper she delved into the story, the lower her voice became. She transferred her weight from one leg to another and tapped him from time to time as though to make sure he was awake. That was all. She didn't have to take one step too close to get him to focus. I should've seen it much earlier – the way Shikamaru looked less guarded whenever he was conversing with her. The air was easy between them.

It was never easy between Shikamaru and me.

Ino called out his name thrice. She asked if he was listening.

Shikamaru turned sideways as he coughed. "They're screwed up. All of them."

"He was protecting you."

"He was protecting himself," he said. "He was the one who told me that lying did nobody good. All these years, though...he's been lying to me about Grandpa Michio and Shikame. Mum too. Fuck, Ino. A Hyuuga? Of all people! I have a half older brother who has blank eyes and the same name!"

"Who's dead." She pointed outside the window – at the forest. "He's dead."

"Don't pretend like what they did to me was alright, Ino. I'm not stupid and neither are you. They just played with me and hoped that I won't know the truth so the truth can be buried with them when they die. Or hasn't Inoichi told you how the Naras always win their games?"

Ino folded her arms across her chest and bit her lower lip inwards. She looked him directly in the eyes. "You want to know the truth? You vow to save Sakura because you're convinced you can't save yourself. How childish, Shikamaru."

"Call it as you will."

"Aunt Yoshino was correct. Something is wrong with you. She was hoping I could help fix it – whatever it is that got it started during this mission – but it seems I'm as useless as ever when it comes to you."

Shikamaru winced. "You're not... _useless._ "

"This is Asuma, right? It must be him. After he died, something just switched off in you," she said. "It was after he died that you stopped talking to Uncle Shikaku. Wasn't getting revenge enough? Do you have to vent it on your father, too?"

I couldn't bear it anymore. Not the strain in Shikamaru's face or his lack of defense. The two of us had strived to make sense of the box, yes, but the answer wasn't supposed to result to a heavier burden. If anything, I expected the truth to be a source of relief.

Now I wish I hadn't chased him in the forest. That I didn't have my suspicions during our first days here. Had I realized that not all answers were desirable, I'd have protected him in my own way. I could have prevented him from knowing in the middle of our fight for our lives.

Shikamaru had a lot of things to say - a lot of things he needed to make straight and so little time to do so. I stepped into the orange glow from the room and cut Ino short of what she was saying. "The map!"

Shikamaru and Ino jolted, startled by my voice. They turned to me simultaneously and gaped.

"I found something in the map!" I said. "I can't believe I hadn't seen it much earlier!"

Ino gasped. "What? That's good news - " pausing and realizing I wasn't supposed to be awake " - Wait a minute! Sakura, why in the world- !"

Shikamaru nudged her forward. "Go signal for Captain Yamato to return. We might need his help."

Ino turned from me to him and back again, torn between finishing her business with Shikamaru and making the most out of the opportunity I'd presented. The heaviness of Shikamaru's breathing cut short my patience and I said, "Ino! We need the captain!"

"Alright! I'm going!" She ran past me and out the front door to get one of the ANBUs.

Neither Shikamaru nor I moved until we heard the front door close. Certain that she was out of earshot, he bent on his knees and breathed as deeply as he needed to. I zipped up his jacket to his neck and ran my hand along the length of his back.

He gripped my elbow as he lowered himself to his knees, coughing. Droplets of blood stained the mat. "You were eavesdropping!"

"You looked as though you were going to collapse!"

"My heart will hold out. It has to." He raised his head to see me. "You should be resting!"

"If I'd let that conversation go on, you'd have had a heart attack for sure." I breathed on my hands and placed them around his. The coldness of his skin made me flinch. "Stop taking it so lightly, Shikamaru."

He motioned for me to help him stand. I pulled him to his feet. He busied himself with checking the lock on the window to hide his face from Ino, whose footsteps were nearing the hearth room.

Before she could join us, Shikamaru wiped his mouth with the cuffs of his jacket and poked my forehead. "It's not your job to watch over me just as it isn't Ino's job to help me fix my problems with Shikaku. You'll go to sleep and rest. So will I. I'll tell them you recalled something from the mission you thought was relevant and I checked to see if it was but it wasn't. Do you understand, Sakura?"

I touched the center of my forehead.

Ino arrived before I could respond to him. But if we had a handful of extra seconds to ourselves, I'd have told him that I couldn't understand him. It didn't make sense how he could put me before himself and his family.

The house settled into quietness again at around 4 A.M. I waited for Ino to snore her piggish snore before creeping out again and feeling my way to the living room. I closed my eyes for a moment to imagine Shikamaru vomiting blood in the bathroom. The scent of iron never made me gag even as a little girl, but now just remembering that incident made me nauseous.

The rebirth case couldn't progress without adding pressure on Shikamaru. Stress was stress. It would take its toll on his body. Should he continue to take it all in, the chances of cardiac arrest – no, there weren't any chance of it anymore. At this point, it was inevitable.

Fetching candles downstairs, I lit one and brought it near the map. Our initial venture into bargaining with Kana hadn't been as effective as we presumed it would be. While she did react to the corrections we made, she wasn't as adamant as before to sabotage our pursuit. It was either she was only challenged by Shikamaru or my friends had done such an excellent job at grounding me that they'd practically muted her.

I held the fire closer.

Where was Kana?

She should be telling me to burn this map. I squinted at the gloom and flattened my hand against the scrolls.

"C'mon, you bitch," I whispered to myself. "What in the world is this?"

 **Shikamaru:**

I couldn't remember opening my eyes and jumping off the bed. When my mind awoke I was already running towards the bathroom where Sakura was screaming.

In my half-dazed state, I kicked open the bathroom door and stumbled inside. Sakura turned to face me and I realized what had caused her distress.

Her entire hair was black. Not a strand of pink left to account for the true Sakura. She stood there, trembling, cradling her injured fist. Shards from the broken mirror lay scattered around her feet. I carried her off the floor, kicked close the lid of the toilet bowl and sat her there.

I felt the captain's presence by the door, followed by Naruto's and Ino's.

"Go get a first-aid kit," said Captain Yamato to Ino.

She squeezed herself between the two men to enter the bathroom. "I can heal her!"

"No, better to bandage her." I took Sakura's hand and carefully uncurled her fingers. The cuts weren't as bad as they looked. "Naruto, get the first-aid kit. Ino, you'll clean her up."

Sakura pressed her forehead against mine and placed both of her hands on my cheeks. "But I'm not changing! I'm not supposed to change! _Tell her_ , Shikamaru!"

"Sakura!" Ino grabbed her by the shirt and slapped her across the face. "Stop it! It's just hair! We can turn it back! But if you keep cowering because of these changes, you'll be mentally gone before we can reverse them! Wake up, Forehead! It's eight in the damn morning!"

"Hey, hey!" Naruto pulled Ino's hair. "You don't go slapping people so early in the morning! Sakura, snap out of it! I promised to tell you about that chick Kakashi dated when he was eleven! Can't do that if you're going nuts on us!"

Sakura's trembling subsided. She touched her reddening cheek and sniffed. "That hurt, Pig!"

"That's the spirit!" Ino shoved Naruto out of the bathroom. "Now get that first-aid kit! You're as useless as when we were in the Academy, Naruto! Why do boys like you need telling twice all the time?"

She calmed down by noon. I volunteered to stay with her in the room while she slept, partly because I needed the chance to doze off and partly because I couldn't imagine myself anywhere else. It had been too emotionally stressful watching Ino bandage Sakura's knuckles earlier while scolding her for freaking out. The soonest Naruto had helped Sakura go to bed, Ino had marched into the kitchen to cry while cooking breakfast.

Naruto, too, appeared exhausted upon seeing Ino get her tears all over our food. He said it was disgusting what she was doing, and when she didn't stop, he'd offered her a roll of tissue. That was all it took to get them back into good humor again, but it didn't mean the impact hadn't left scars already.

I'd half expected Captain Yamato to comment on our childish ways. This was, after all, still a mission and we were expected to act professionally. However all he said was this: "The rebirth is this world's biggest taboo."

He was correct.

Childish as it was to cry during a mission, nobody could blame us for grieving over the fact that the evidence of our failure was unraveling before us every day. I now understood why Shikaku had lost sleep while I was in the ICU. Losing someone through anything but the natural course of death was a terrible strike to the heart. Sometimes when I opened my eyes a fraction to peek at Sakura – now with black hair – I had to remind myself to keep on breathing. Pain was okay. Pain meant I had life enough to fix this.

Once she was awake it was back to work for our team. We did our best to act normally and follow the routine we'd set for ourselves in spite the fact that Sakura's appearance bothered us. We'd taken down the mirrors in the house to prevent another outburst from her and she, in turn, vowed not to panic as much.

Before we separated as two teams, I thought I saw a hint of guilt in Sakura's expression. It struck me then that something must've happened to cause such a drastic change overnight.

The sound of a scroll hitting the floor snapped me back to the present. Beside me, Captain Yamato had dropped the scroll and was frozen midway to highlighting a text. "Shikamaru, what are these?"

I scanned the highlighted patterns on the wall, trying to comprehend his alarm. "I didn't do that. Do you remember Naruto or Ino highlighting additional passages?"

"These are directions!"

The manner the scrolls had been rearranged the previous evening combined with the additional highlighted passages, the entire map seemed to light up like a message. "It's using the old metric units!" I said. "These texts are riddles that refer to digits and the digits are these numbers mentioned in the scrolls!"

"Damn."

"Why?"

Captain Yamato had already begun doing the math. He stopped circling the numbers mentioned within the inner group of scrolls in the map and connecting them with the one another. "I have no doubt what I'm outlining here is the political boundary of Konoha."

Then it hit me. I told Captain Yamato to wait there while I fetched Sakura. It was unhealthy for her to be ping ponged between our agendas, but this was urgent. I entered the hearth room and found the three of them sitting silently in a triangle. Naruto knelt behind Sakura, holding her shoulders to steady her. While he retold an anecdote that went way back to their initial phases of training under Kakashi, Ino aimed a subtle form of mind transfer jutsu towards Sakura.

Sakura squinted. Ino's arms trembled as they struggled to sustain their pose. I tiptoed to Ino and lowered my fingers to her temples. She shivered, uncomfortable at first, and regained her composure afterward. Naruto arched his eyebrow upon seeing what I did.

Ino released the jutsu with a grunt and fell back. I caught her by the elbows.

"Thanks," she said.

Sakura blinked experimentally. She scolded Naruto for holding her shoulders too hard.

He raised his hands in the air. "Sorry, I was tense. By the way, what was that you did to Ino, Shikamaru?"

Sakura stopped complaining and waited for an answer.

"Concentration technique." Ino tapped hertemple. "We have a pressure point here that is similar with the Byakugan's, only theirs are much stronger and results in the protruding of the veins. Father presses my temples the same way Shikamaru just did to help me concentrate when I'm struggling with a jutsu."

I crouched beside Sakura and brushed tips of her hair with my forefinger. "You worked on the map without us. That's why Kana manifested so quickly."

Naruto grabbed Sakura's arm. "Are you crazy? You could've killed yourself!"

Sakura shrugged his hand off and stood. "Did you find anything? Well, Shikamaru?"

"The map – " standing and meeting her gaze " - it's a detailed map of Konoha's political boundary. The same night Naruto trespassed the forest, you mentioned targets. I need you to recall them and identify them. Kana and Ryo could have been up to something bigger than a rebirth."

Naruto injected himself between Sakura and me. "No way! You saw what happened! She's not going to work on that map anymore!"

Hearing those words out of another man's mouth made me feel small. That was my line. Those were my thoughts. If there was anybody who could will Sakura out of this mess, it was me.

I bit my tongue and bowed my head. I had get a grip on myself before the sight of Naruto shielding her could intensify my anger further. "It's not as if I want her here," I said.

We arrived at seven in the evening without making progress.

Ino had tried every form of mind infiltration jutsu on Sakura the entire afternoon. Naruto continued to insist that we could proceed without Sakura's help. Captain Yamato admitted that the manipulation jutsus he knew were too powerful and dangerous for a victim or a rebirth jutsu. We all agreed that we couldn't attempt anything that would risk harming Sakura's memories.

Naruto suggested that we request Kakashi's help. I retorted, in the kindest tone my mood allowed me to muster, that requesting for Kakashi was a good idea if we wanted Konoha's officials to discover this case. Besides, if this tasks he was meant to finish was taking this long, it could mean they weren't doing so well in the village.

Sakura pressed her forehead against the scrolls and confined herself in a litany of curses.

It was Captain Yamato's advice for us to re-enact the events of the day Sakura heard the voices that we finally did something useful.

"What were we doing then?" Sakura said to the wall.

I leaned on the wall, noting the inches of space that separated us. "Don't tell me you forgot."

"My memories are supposed to be fogged according to Ino."

I cleared my throat and lowered my voice further. "You couldn't have forgotten."

"So what are you implying?"

"Don't...just don't forget." I turned to her, ducking my head to peek at her face. "Even if all it does is make you feel disgusted and angry at me. It's a _memory._ Besides, it held strong emotions."

She flushed. " _Strong emotions_? Like _embarrassment_?"

"I was just doing my job."

"Yeah, of course. That makes things less embarrassing."

Naruto entered our workplace with a cold compress for Ino, who was lying on the couch. He dropped it on Ino's forehead, earning him a punch on the stomach. Captain Yamato shrugged at us. "Do you mind sharing what you're talking about? Shikamaru? Sakura?"

"I had a bad dream," Sakura said, transferring her weight to her left leg. "I had a nightmare the day I started hearing the voices. I woke up and Shikamaru was not in the room. I searched for him in the forest. There was a doe and she helpedd me find him. We walked to the house together, we had breakfast...he didn't want me to wash the dishes."

I suppressed a smirk. She did remember. "So we argued and I carried you up the stairs, you ended up washing the dishes anyway, blah blah blah...we headed for work, I said I was fetching a map of Konoha, you told me not to take long. I came back and you were holding a pen up, about to write something on the scrolls..."

Sakura pointed at the corridor. "Everybody leave the room!"

"What?" Ino raised her head from the pillow. "We're giving up already?"

Sakura stepped closer to me and whispered, "There's no other means around it, Shikamaru. I have to do what I did last night. Konoha's in danger. We don't have time. You know it as well as I do."

I placed my knuckles against my chest. The tightness wouldn't go. I cleared my throat and pushed myself off the wall. The three of them stared at me, a mixture of panic and curiosity surfacing in their expressions.

"Naruto, carry Ino to my room. It's the fourth door to the right of yours. She'll need to rest." I waved the captain over. "Captain, come with me. I have a plan."

"Shikamaru!" Sakura caught my sleeve as I was walking away. She frowned. Her cheeks reddened some more. "Stay a moment."

I watched Ino, Naruto, and the captain proceed to the corridor. I wrapped my fingers around her wrist and tugged her hand away from me. "Sakura, listen. You may have to do what you did last night but it doesn't have to be as dangerous. Close your eyes and count to ten. Don't try to search for us. Imagine that you're all alone. We're not here. You're in the hut with Ryo – "

She grabbed my collar. "If I turn into Kana-"

"You won't," I said. "Konoha's in danger, but I won't do anything that will risk your life. We won't let it get too far."

"Let me finish." She opened and closed her mouth, her green eyes glassy, her lashes wet with the beginning of tears. "Just in case I go out of control, I…I-I want you to know I'm happy you agreed to go with me on that mission. What I'm-I think I'm really trying to say…is that if something goes wrong I want to assure you that I'm doing this because we can't afford to lose Konoha…and because Konoha also can't afford to lose you, Shikamaru. So please stay alive."

I took her hand and squeezed it. In place of all the emotions I couldn't place into words, of all the hurt I felt in acknowledgement of the truth that even my best could not save her if she truly went out of control this time, of the misery of having to put our village first before ourselves – I squeezed her hand to give back the assurance that she wasn't alone in her affections.

Slowly, Sakura let go of me and closed her eyes.

Creeping out of the living room, I found Naruto and Captain Yamato at the farthest corner of the corridor. I ordered Naruto to head downstairs and release a stable amount of chakra to minimize the presence of even the animate objects. Their static energy was detectable to a medic, and Sakura had to remain ignorant of the things around her. "We have to help her concentrate on the scrolls," I said. "Captain, can you create a genjustu that's like a veil? Just a copy of the corridor from the living room's perspective, so she doesn't see us even if she looked. I'll have no problem hiding my presence since I'm not producing enough chakra anyway. Naruto's chakra will hide yours while you sustain that genjutsu."

Naruto wouldn't move unless I promised him my plan would work. Hesitant as he was even then, he jogged downstairs and sat in the center of the house, releasing his chakra at the exact moment Sakura reached ten.

Captain Yamato activated the genjustu. From the dark, we watched Sakura glimpse her surroundings. She put her left hand on her chest, and then at her back. She scratched.

A few moments later, she finally raised her pen.

I leaned over the railing to see how Naruto was doing. He looked concentrated enough to fool Sakura's senses.

Captain Yamato kicked my leg to get my attention. I looked again at Sakura and saw that she was now scribbling on the scrolls. Her hand moved with purpose back and fro the length of the map, always pausing to scratch her back.

Abruptly, she stopped.

Sakura reached to scratch some more but restrained herself. This war with her mental will lasted for half an hour – too long for my taste. She hunched over and sobbed. "No, no, no!"

The captain told me that we should stop this and help her.

Sakura straightened her posture and took a deep breath. In careful motions, she scraped the pen against the scroll. I put my hand on Captain Yamato's shoulder, signalling for him to disperse the genjustu and blend into the background.

Sakura did not notice me enter the living room. Her pupils quivered and rolled upwards. She collapsed.

"No!" I caught her before she hit the ground. Naruto and Captain Yamato dashed to her side. Ino left my bedroom and limped to the scene.

"What's happening, Shikamaru?"

"I-I don't know!"

"What do you mean you don't know?" Naruto barked. "This was your idea!"

"You're not helping, Naruto!" I lowered her body to the ground and hauled her to her left side. "Steady. I need to see her tattoo."

Ino squeezed herself between the captain and Naruto, pressing her fingers below Sakura's jaw first and then feeling for her heartbeat. "They're too fast."

"Do something!"

"Naruto, shut up!" I exhaled to regain my calm and I raised Sakura's blouse. The black ink against her skin was moving, but not growing. The cherry blossoms withered. The petals drifted to the base of her back and disappeared. Ino raised her blouse further to witness it better.

Sakura jolted. Ino checked her airways and announced that she was waking up. Putting her head on Ino's lap, we waited for her to regain consciousness.

"Hiroshi..." She opened her eyes and gripped my arm. "I saw. _I saw_!"

"What did you see?"

Sakura pushed herself up to sit.

"Take it slow!"

"The mission, Shikamaru. The mission! I was drawing the triangular seal on Kana's wrists and mine and then suddenly Ryo attacks us and he nearly kills me - !"

"Sakura, catch your breath."

She scanned the room. She reached for Naruto and held his 's hand. He squeezed it to show his support. I tried to ignore their contact and to focus on her story instead. "I was right!" she said. "Kana did go with Ryo to save me! She didn't want to perform the ceremony, Shikamaru!"

"Can you tell us what happened? How come you collapsed like that?"

"I wasn't hearing the voices," she said. "I was talking to Kana. She's in my head, kind of like how Ino was in my head during the preliminaries to our first chuunin exams and I kicked her out."

"You remember!"

Sakura managed a curt smile. "Hard to forget, pig. Anyway, it was as if Kana made herself available to talk to. I kept calling her and she just-just-just popped out of nowhere! She was still telling me to burn the map, but somehow I managed to make her spill where the targets are. Then...then she went into a buzz and I _saw_ what happened in the mission."

"Everything she said to you was a lie, Sakura."

She twisted on the floor to see Ino. "You were studying Kana's body, right? Did you see a gash on her head? Not too deep, just enough to cause her to lose consciousness."

Ino looked at me, at Naruto, and back at Sakura. "Y-yes, actually, I did. We never really paid it any attention."

"Ryo forced her into the pond!" Sakura knelt in front of me, gesturing widely as she explained. "He hit her head with the hilt of his knife and put her there with me. I wasn't fully unconscious while in the pond. I'm a medic for crying out loud! I can resist a drug! They were arguing about something that Ryo discovered, and he was angry at Kana because of it!"

"Sakura, Kana wants to overtake your soul!"

"She wants to keep those targets from Konoha!"

Captain Yamato, who had been scrutinizing the scrolls, stepped aside to reveal Sakura's work. He said, "Eight targets. Can you tell us what they mean?"

"Hiroshi." Sakura shook her head. "That's the last thing I picked up from the memory. Kana screamed the name 'Hiroshi' before Ryo attacked her and knocked her out. Maybe it means something."

We stared at each other for a long time, Sakura and I. Standing, I announced that I was packing the scrolls and delivering it to Konoha. The captain argued that I couldn't leave the house. I insisted on going to the forest for some fresh air. I was going with him halfway, whether he liked it or not. It was my forest.

"I'm coming, too." Sakura rubbed her arms, maybe for warmth. "This house is making me crazy. I need air as well."

Ino snatched the quilt on the couch and wrapped it around Sakura. "It's not the time to be complaining. You're safer here."

Sakura insisted, nevertheless, and added that she had to discuss something with me in private. It was about the mission, and she was uncertain whether anybody else should hear about it until I confirmed her recollections.

I wasn't sure whether those were mere excuses until Captain Yamato had to proceed on his own and we were left in the middle of the cold, stark forest by ourselves. Sakura said she couldn't sense the deer. I walked towards the Nara Black Oak, zipped my jacket further up my torso, and asked why she wanted to talk to me.

"Shikamaru, if you return to Konoha now, they won't be able to medicate you." The snow crunched beneath her weight. She rubbed the reddening tip of her nose. "You knew that from the moment you realized what the map was."

"They can but it'll be discreet," I said. "Or else whatever findings they have can be used as evidence that the rebirth case exists. Either way, I have my orders. I'll have to return to Konoha in the morning."

"Don't." Sakura placed her fist above her heart . "I can't take it. Let me save you. I can medicate you here."

"You can't."

"Don't you trust me?"

"It's not about trust. It's about what's best for you."

"What's best for me is to have you by my side so I can look after you," she said, her voice louder now. "No one else can do it for you the way I can!"

I bounced on my heels to lessen the tingling in my toes. The Nara Forest didn't use to be this cold in winter. "That's flattering, Sakura. But you have your own battle to fight." I smiled at her. My most sincere smile. "Promise to win yours and I'll promise to win mine."

"Why can't we do it _together_?" She clutched my jacket and pulled me towards her. Her gaze lingered on my lips. With her cold breath entering my mouth she may as well have been kissing me already. "Why?" she asked.

Neither of us had to answer. The mere existence of that question meant we'd already fallen victim to one another.


	35. Chapter Thirty-Four

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **A/N:** Actually, this isn't an author's note. This is a friend-who's-uploading-for-her-friend note. As you may already know, she doesn't have access to this account and have only forwarded me all the chapters for republishing. The blame for the late updates fall on me and me alone. :P She does go through the reviews and the PMs and I've never pretended to be her in any of the responses. For those asking her to edit or critique original stories, I think she's having fun but she's a bit busy so hang in there. They've been forwarded to her email.  


Micena, I feel the exact same way. That's why I insisted on this getting republished after I discovered she had revised it during her free time. But she did keep me on my toes because there was always the danger of this turning bad.

Gustin puckerman, the revised version was finished four to five chapters ago and since you mentioned PTSD I've been looking into it (I already have the remaining chapters!) and I'm not sure if it's mentioned in the end but I think because she wanted to make the characters believable, signs of trauma was involved (I'm six chapters away from finishing this and my eyes are killing me!) And if you read the original version, you'd know that part that made you cry wasn't there before so when I read it I was also crying because he couldn't say he loved her but it was so obvious!

Pibinezz, I think she did her best to avoid this being sappy or tragic in spite of them being the two most obvious pitfalls of this fic if she ended up getting it wrong (being too emotional or servicing her readers and such). As I'm finishing reading the fic, I believe her aim was to make them face realistic consequences to their troubles and their feelings, hence there's a...okay, I'm not going to spoil it. :) Just wait and see.

To all those who review and PMs - especially the Guest who thinks this is addictive (I agree!) - thanks for the support. If you have questions or comments or anything you'd like to say to the author, leave a PM or a review. As a reader uploading this for the author, I now see how valuable feedback is even if I'm not the one who wrote this.

Enjoy!

* * *

 **Thirty - Four**

 **Sakura / Tsunade / Shikamaru**

 **Sakura:**

Why not?

Simple: when stuck with a man in a mission for extended periods of time, never trust your emotions. Lady Tsunade taught me that proverb on my fifteenth birthday. Shikamaru - although he'd leaned in as though to kiss me in the forest - had withdrawn eventually in respect to his innate understanding of this saying.

Deprived as I'd felt of his touch, I didn't force him to verbalize his reasons. Mine, after all, was already coursing my logic and stabilizing me, slowly but surely assuring me that stepping back from Shikamaru was the correct move. At this rate, whether or not he returned to Konoha made little difference to his chances of survival. Emphasizing my childish whim to have him stay so I could assure myself that somebody in this twisted case would do her best for him would only hurt his feelings. He didn't need reminding that everybody was preoccupied with me.

As we stood apart in the forest, frozen by our mutual fear of what we'd gotten ourselves into, I thought he didn't need reminding that he was also too preoccupied with me to beg for his salvation.

Lady Tsunade's master in medicine had warned her about my kind of situation when she turned thirteen, but she never really understood its importance until she was sent to a mission with a male shinobi of a higher rank. The trouble they faced was political, and the bargain they wanted to make entailed her medical expertise. If the ally village - which should remain unspecified - would continue to adhere to their peace treaty with Konoha, Lady Tsunade would train their medics in the modern way of medicine and its proper application in the battlefield.

The war was bound to start soon. The ally village needed as much help as they could to prepare their troops.

With the burden on Lady Tsunade's shoulder, she became vulnerable to the greed and lust of human nature. She was a sea away from Konoha, from her family, and from her friends. The only person who understood her was a man she used to pass in the hallway of the Hokage Tower. He was a foot taller than her and twice as wide. His posture was unyielding, and his eyes were enchanting.

Lady Tsunade emphasized that aside from his physical appeal, he was clever and kind. Whenever she was on the verge of beating the amateur medics for being airheads, he would put his hand on her back and take control of the situation. It was that warmth on her skin - that warmth that softened her spine - that started it all. They lived in the small quarters the foreign village provided for them. It did not take long before she started yearning for that hand on her back to touch her elsewhere.

Sexual pleasure had the tendency to confuse the heart. They both thought that they were in love. The mission lasted for another three weeks, after which they were recalled to Konoha. The second they stepped foot in their home, everything changed. It was as if their eyes had been opened to the stupidity of their actions, and they never spoke again. Lady Tsunade found the love of her life on the months preceding the actual war, and she learned the difference between reality and fantasy.

"Don't fall in love while in a mission," I repeated this to Shikamaru, who was sitting on the chair next to me and tipping it back by pushing his feet against the window ledge.

He and I had returned to the house earlier with an awkward air between us. Until we'd had that confrontation, it wasn't clear exactly what we felt for one another. Or perhaps it was clear but we'd refused to acknowledge it until it was all we could see.

Ino had refrained from bullying me upon sensing the tension I was suppressing, and she had made extra effort to ease Shikamaru during dinner through casual conversation. She was capable of transforming our twisted situation back to a state of normalcy with just a few comical remarks, and while I was certain that this was mainly for Shikamaru's benefit, I had not minded. After all, Shikamaru loosened up faster with her around. There had been instances when he looked at her for a second too long and I felt the urge to walk out.

Naruto had asked if Shikamaru was going to sleep in the same room as I. He had looked at me, and I had answered that he had no choice. He needed to watch over me in case Kana manifested while I was asleep.

Naruto insisted on sleeping in the same room, pointing out that Shikamaru's advantages were unfair since he was not the only one helping in this case, and Ino had injected that she was the medic hence she should be the one watching over me.

In the end, the four of us slept in one room. Captain Yamato had found us bundled in multiple layers of futons and said that he had no intention of joining in our 'fun'. Once Naruto was snoring and Ino was flat on her stomach – the ultimate sign that she was deep asleep from exhaustion – Shikamaru shook me awake and tiptoed out of the room. Curious, I followed him to the attic.

Now we were sitting beside each other, our legs crossed over the window ledge. He said that nobody taught him that lesson about missions. It had always been about the battlefield and the political manoeuvres that shinobis could make against foreign villages and nothing about their relationship with their comrades and especially about their sexual appetites. "You're lucky she shared that with you before this mission. We can be ogling at each other by now."

I chuckled and took a sip of my hot cocoa. "It doesn't help that a part of me still confuses you for my husband. And don't use that word again – ogling. It's disgusting."

"Ogling."

"Shikamaru!"

"Sorry."

"Is the medicine working? I'm sure I did it right or else you'd be dead by now."

He sighed and put down his mug. "If I die tomorrow, it won't be your fault."

"Stop being such a pessimist."

"So you're saying that we're in the exact same situation that the Fifth warned you about?" He glimpsed me through the corner of his eye, and it bothered me that he couldn't look at me straight anymore.

"...I'm just trying to explain what I said in the forest."

"Tell me if that's what you meant."

"Yes," I grumbled. "Happy?"

He didn't look happy. "Therefore implying that anything we might feel for each other, regardless of how subtle or intense, is invalid."

I lowered my feet to the floor and massaged my thighs, pretending to be distracted by cramps. The silence eventually got to me and I said, "I suppose. Don't tell me that bothers you. You're the one who professed your infatuation for Ino. She's here now. Go for it."

He put his feet down and looked out the window, at the barely visible moon. "We shouldn't be spending time like this. I meant... _alone_ like this."

I stared down at my empty mug. I nodded, even though he was the one who asked for me to be here. "I really can't stop you from leaving tomorrow?"

"I already agreed to a compromise, Sakura," he said. "I'll go but you'll be the one to tell everybody that I'm…."

"It's better for everybody to be aware. They'd also want to start considering what they'd want to say if it were- if it…if it were the last time they'd see you."

He chuckled. "How troublesome. Never been such a big fan of drama and long speeches."

"Hey, before I go back to our room, I was wondering if you'll write to your mum and dad."

"Why?"

"Heart conditions are tricky to cure," I said, gesturing to myself rather than to him because we agreed that we would refrain from physical contact – and even from referring to each other through actions. "You have to be careful with your emotions. That's why I told you about Lady Tsunade's 'words of wisdom'. Enduring this awkwardness between us will be worth my effort if you de-stress and absorb our situation with rational thinking rather than...whatever. You get what I mean. Sakura would have done this for Shikamaru – I-I mean _I_ would have done this regardless of-of – I'll shut up now. It's really not about my affections that I'm doing this for you. I really don't want anything bad to happen to you – to Shikamaru. Okay, you look annoyed and I'm getting the urge to punch you. I'm going."

"Ino thinks it's Asuma," he said as I was exiting the attic-turned-library. I held onto the doorframe and looked back at him. He shifted on his chair and added that he still had trouble accepting Asuma's death. He had never told anybody because it was stupid for him to be holding on to his loss for so long. Ino could be right. She understood the impact of losing someone so close to the heart. "If I failed to save Asuma...I guess I just convinced myself that there can be no way I can save the other people that matters." He smiled and then he frowned, turning over the mug on his palm for diversion. "This whole thing is a nightmare come to life. I thought that if I can make dad mean less to me, it would hurt less once he's gone. He's a shinobi. He's bound to die one way or another. But it just sounds wrong now. I don't think...I don't think he'll mean less if I punish him for lying to me."

"Shikamaru, they're human too." I stepped inside the room again and leaned on the wall, noting the wide expanse of floor between us. "What I think is that he could not have handled the box any better. Judging by the events that surrounded him and that Aiko Hyuuga, they had no better control over their situation. Your dad loved a woman and they had a baby and the baby died. Still, that didn't stop him from loving you, Shikamaru."

He placed the mug on the floor. He paced the room, his gloved hands behind his head. "I'm a fucking ghost of that baby."

"Maybe he had no choice," I said, shrugging. "You had to be named 'Shikamaru' or else remain nameless for the rest of your life. Heck, how many different names that start with 'Shika' can you create? You'll have to be creative so as not to ruin the life of your future son, buddy."

He turned around to face me, scowling. "Go to sleep. We're not talking about babies again. It's not healthy for you."

I ducked my head. "Resolve your issues," I said. "That will make saving you a hell of a lot easier for me."

He entered the dimmer parts of the attic, and for a while I was worried that he had vanished. It was only later, upon hearing him take steady breaths, that I realized how comforting the dark must be for him. Him and his shadows. Emerging from the dark, he licked his lips and put his hands on his waist. "Right now I wish nobody else has to know I'm dying."

"Shikamaru, there's no way I can save you by myself – not in my current state."

His eyes darkened and with one exhale, his entire physique seemed to deflate. My bones burned with the desire to hide him in my embrace, to let him cower from the world while his friends - the darkness - reigned in the sky. I knew how slow the comprehension of death was outside of the battlefield. In this fight, he had no way of creating strategies for evasion. Intellect was only as real as the next, physical threat. How could he fight a threat that was indeed physical, but that existed inside him?

This was the exact same pain I was still enduring with the rebirth, but somehow his pain seemed more severe. All he did was pull me from that pond. It was unfair what the rebirth was doing to him.

"Dying is different from death itself," I managed to say. "We're not quite there yet, Shikamaru."

"It seems so." He slumped on his chair. "Now shoo. You need to sleep."

"So do you."

"I'll follow in a couple of minutes."

"You sure? Or are you going to start on that letter after I leave?"

"Sakura, you're reminding me of mum's creepiness. Go."

"Nobody trusts men when they say they'll 'follow in a couple of minutes'."

" _Women_. What a drag." His voice cracked, and I took it as a signal to leave. Halfway down the staircase to the second landing, I perceived the softest cries I had ever heard in my life. His whimpers weakened my knees, and I had to bite my knuckles to suppress the raggedness of my breathing. I dropped to the steps, clutching the railings in time to prevent my fall.

A shadow broke free from the dimness of the corridor, and the figure of a man stood in front of me. Unfastening his jacket, Captain Yamato draped it around my shoulders and ran his hand across my back, quietly telling me to calm down. He warned me that he was going to carry me to his room. I could rest there and someone we all trusted would watch over me. It would do Ino and Naruto no good to be woken up at this hour of the night. Did I want him to talk to Shikamaru?

It didn't occur to me to question him until I was already sitting on his bed, folded like a ball – like a child – and gazing up at Kakashi. I turned towards the captain, only to find that he had already left the room.

Kakashi admonished me to sleep. He wasn't going anywhere. In fact, he was commissioned to have breakfast here. The captain was not supposed to disclose his location until the morning. Why did everyone believe that he was good at caring for children?

I crept off the bed and sat next to him on the floor. I buried my face on his shoulder and continued crying. "Are you sure you're comfortable there?" he whispered, worry evident in his tone.

I nodded, rubbing my nose on the thick fabric of his sleeve.

 **Tsunade:**

My eyes could bear the sight no longer. It was, by far, the ugliest thing I had yet to witness and to participate in my entire life. Why did I have to do this? Why did the world continue to shove me towards monstrosity? I wasn't a monster. Orochimaru was.

We didn't have to do this to Sai if only I had managed to kill Orochimaru before.

Why was I so weak?

"I-I'm…I-I'm…" The words spilled from Sai's mouth along with blood from his beaten mouth. He dangled from the manacles that bound his wrists to chains extending down from the ceiling. A metal boulder sat next to him, its own chains binding his ankles and pulling him to the ground.

I swung my head to his direction, but downwards, so that all I had to endure was the blood he had been spurting since this procedure began.

Inoichi slammed his hand on the floor, shouting, "I can't hear you!"

"I-I'm Sai!"

"Nobody hears you, Sai!"

He hung his head low and blurted that his name was Sai, and he was a member of Root. That was what we had been forcing him to say. Were we happy? That didn't change the fact that he was actually Ryo, and he wanted to have his wife back. "Where is Kana?"

Inoichi formed a hand seal. The shinobis sitting in a circle around Sai followed his movements and seconds later, blue flashes of light emerged from the scripts painted across Sai's naked body, electrocuting him.

"Milady."

I craned my neck to see who had called me. Shikaku entered the Cage and remained in the darkness, conscious of the line on the floor where the shade ended. I realized that he was avoiding to be seen by Sai, considering how closely he resembled Shikamaru. I approached him and refrained from expressing my gratitude for the timely distraction.

"News?" I said.

He nodded. "I've spoken with Yamato. He delivered the scrolls that Shikamaru and Sakura had been working on, along with a narrative of how they reached their conclusions. It's a good thing that Sakura isn't in Konoha, or else we'll have no way of shielding her from becoming Danzo's guinea pig. You'd be amazed at the feat she pulled off to retrieve information from Kana. Yamato said he was following instructions from Shikamaru and had no idea what was happening between the two. It seemed Shikamaru have Sakura all figured out."

I glimpsed at the scene behind me and decided that I should leave before I lost control of my anger and stopped this necessary procedure. "My office. Now."

The Cage was another facility inside Laboratory Five that made the place the inferno it was. After our visit to the Nara forest lodging, Shizune and I transferred the entire truckload of case files from the Hokage Tower to my new office here – the same office that the Third occupied in his attempt to discover the extent of Orochimaru's insanity. If only he realized the stupidity of that attempt, he would have stopped long ago and avoided the reality that he failed with one of his students.

I pushed the door inwards and saw Jiraiya standing in front of the wall to the left with his arms folded across his chest and his attention focused on the photo frame.

I walked past him and headed straight to my metal desk. "Don't give me that shit, Jiraiya. We should have killed him when we were children."

"Don't be like that, Tsunade."

"Like what?" I flattened my hands on the layers of scrolls that Shikaku presented, lest I was tempted to assault Jiraiya. "Like mad? Have you taken a peek at the Cage? Maybe you should see what – "

"This is exactly what Orochimaru wants from you." He turned to face me.

"He wants everybody to be miserable. What's new?"

"He wants everybody – particularly you and me – to be miserable to the point that we actually consider madness as our only destination," he said. "This is exactly what led him to become a monster seeking eternal life. Don't let your anger fester."

Pinching my nose bridge, I took a deep breath and absorbed the contents of the scroll. "Explain these highlighted passages, Shikaku."

"These are routes, milady. Yamato completed this map and saw that it was patterned after Konoha's political boundary."

Jiraiya joined us. He ran his hand across the highlighted passages. "True. But what for?"

"Eight targets," answered Shikaku. "Look at those encircled areas. Sakura found them by conversing with Kana in her head. They are targets, she told Yamato, and they were not meant to harm Konoha. Sakura argued that Kana was a victim of Ryo rather than an accomplice. However, it would not explain why Kana once told her to burn the map."

"The easiest way to find out is to send people to those locations and uncover the secret."

Jiraiya grunted and shook his head at the map. "You can't trust the ANBUs, Tsunade. Danzo is an expert in manipulating those in masks. Have you got chuunins and a couple of young jounins to send off? Ones you can trust? Nobody will mind if some young people are sent out to practice drills in Konoha's borders."

"That can be a valid excuse." Shikaku scoured the papers on his own desk and brought out a blueprint. "Shikamaru and I came up with the latest defence system that Konoha can practice in case of large-scale attacks. You can show your liking to this, Lady Tsunade, and declare that you want to assist in developing it further. You will need to send select shinobis to test its efficiency, and tomorrow is as good a day as any."

I smiled, disregarding how strange it must look in my worn out face. "Finally, a nice place to vent! I can get back at the council for their foul reaction on those damn changes I had to make in the prison management."

"Please, Tsunade, you can't be charged for murder," grumbled Jiraiya. "Wait until this case is over."

"Jiraiya, I'm ordering you to leave Konoha with Naruto tomorrow."

He arched his brow.

Shikaku's expression eased as he comprehended my intentions.

I lowered myself to the chair. "What we'll be doing tomorrow is very risky. I can't have you involved in this case anymore. You're done. Who'll take care of Naruto once I get in trouble? The Akatsuki can't have their way. Focus on that group of bastards while I take care of Orochimaru's shitty existence."

 **Sakura:**

The part I hated the most about admitting the state of a patient was the silence that followed. The families I had to handle before always fell silent, but not for this long. I was not prepared for the shock that enveloped the room while we were eating breakfast. We were shinobis, and yet it seemed that the news struck us harder than it should.

Captain Yamato tried not to, but he was gaping seconds after I revealed the news.

Kakashi set down his chopsticks.

Naruto dropped the fish he was stealing from Kakashi's plate and stopped chewing the rice balls in his mouth.

Ino stared at me, unable to turn her head a few inches to her right to confirm with Shikamaru.

Shikamaru had stopped looking at me after I blurted that he was dying. We had agreed that I was going to be the one to tell since I was his medic, and I had warned everyone that they wouldn't like the news that I was about to share, but the paleness of his face did nothing to show that he was prepared for this.

I remembered his whimpers last night, after I had left him in the attic-turned-library. He must have refrained from telling Captain Yamato this fact during the conversation they had last night. Perhaps he had noticed the captain's presence beforehand and had contained his tears before his solitude was interrupted.

Shikamaru didn't want anybody to know that he had been crying about it.

Irritated, I pushed my plate aside. "Obviously, none of you heard that I'm also medicating him."

Naruto slammed his fist on the table, his teeth bared and his breathing ragged. " _Why_?"

"Why what, Naruto?"

"How come you're-you're _suffering_ , Shikamaru?" Naruto scraped his chair back, about to stand but finding that he couldn't. "How can your heart be acting up? You were fine just days ago!"

"Calm down, Naruto," Kakashi said.

"How can I be calm?" He finally stood. He paced the length of the kitchen, declaring that Shikamaru was not going to die. "I can't understand what the hell went wrong! What happened, Sakura? I thought it was his pathways-"

"He jumped into the pond while the rebirth jutsu was still active. The rebirth doesn't know how to react to him, and since they can't revive another soul in him, perhaps its only choice is to kill him," I told Kakashi and Captain Yamato. "That's the only explanation I can come up with."

Kakashi glimpsed Shikamaru. "His pathways and later his heart, huh? You didn't expect this when you used your blood to counteract the jutsu, did you?"

Shikamaru coughed and wiped his mouth. Blood stained his lips. He pretended that there was no blood dripping from his fist.

"It's the blood seal." I bit my lower lip. "You were injured when you entered the pond, that's why your pathways are screwed and your h-heart...it all makes sense now. It's so so stupid of me not to have realized it much sooner."

"He should go back to Konoha!" Naruto announced. "Shikamaru, you're going back to Konoha right now!"

Ino pushed her chair back and walked out of the kitchen. Shikamaru wiped his mouth with his sleeve and followed her. We heard the front door slam shut.

Kakashi sighed. "Sakura, when did you know?"

"The evening before all of you came."

"How?"

"He was smoking and he suddenly vomited blood and-" I hunched over the table, holding my hair back from my face and focusing my strength there. "We were arguing. His heart condition showed no other symptom. Why?"

"Haven't you checked the condition of his internal organs yet?"

"His pathways are tangled and in really bad shape," I mumbled, looking down at my left hand, remembering how I had hovered it beneath his jacket and shirt while we were in the forest. "I couldn't check the state of his heart without affecting his pathways. They're coiling and obstructing a clear path to his heart. Chakra can't penetrate. He has to undergo surgery with the traditional machinations and all. Even then...as a medic, I don't think it will change the situation."

Naruto dragged my chair back so I was facing him. "Do it! We have to save Shikamaru!"

"The chance that he'll live is hardly twenty percent, Naruto!"

"Why?"

"He can't produce enough chakra to heal himself after the surgery, meaning he'll die instead with the stress of coping with the pain!"

"You can do something about the pain!"

I shoved him. He stumbled and hit the wall. "You don't understand anything! Shikamaru is a shinobi and a shinobi who has been in active duty for more than five years inevitably relies more on their chakra pathways rather than their bloodstream! Their red blood cells and white blood cells and plasma converge with the chakra and the pathways become responsible for the overall circulation of the nutrients in a shinobi's body! Shikamaru is not fuckin' capable of producing enough chakra to have the necessary nutrients and whatever shit he needs to heal himself after a surgery! _Everything inside him is failing,_ Naruto! What the fuck can't you understand about that?" Grabbing his shirt, I thrust him up the wall and said, "You think that everybody can love each other and everything will be alright! You think it's that easy, Naruto? I tried to do something about the pain but we're against the odds! I'm no different. Do you want the truth? What we're doing here is just making the most out of the situation and evading death!"

Kakashi appeared to our left and swung his arm across my body, lifting me away from Naruto. "He understands, Sakura. Calm down."

Naruto slid down the wall, holding his neck, staring wide-eyed at me. Sweat rolled down the side of his face. The flesh that I had clutched was a bright red against his tan skin. His lack of reaction stifled the air in the room.

I folded over Kakashi's arm and gripped his shoulder to remain standing. He wrapped his other arm around me to hold me upright. Through the blur of my eyes I saw Naruto approach me. He took me from Kakashi's arm. "I do understand. I think I do. You're frustrated. It's just..." he took several deep breathes. "It's not time to give up. We have to try and save the both of you. Why can't _you_ understand that the odds will always be against us? It's not the odds that matter. It's you and me and Kakashi and Shikamaru and Captain Yamato and Ino and Grandma Tsunade and...you know who else I'm talking about."

I stepped back, wanting a space to breathe in. He held my elbows, immediately steadying me. "But it isn't right! You don't know how scared he is of dying this way! You don't know him like I do!"

"Sakura." Kakashi settled his hand on my shoulder, capturing my whole attention. "What does Shikamaru want to do about it?"

Captain Yamato opened the window, letting a flurry of snow and wind inside. "I'm going after those two," he declared before vanishing.

I shook my head. "Shikamaru's not stupid. He knows our condition. He doesn't believe he can be given proper medical care in Konoha. Neither do I. But he's going back there anyway. He doesn't want to take the risk that he's causing me more harm than good because of my false perception of him."

"I see."

Naruto looked at Kakashi, then at me. "Another village. We can cure him in another village if Konoha is not a safe place for either of you."

"Another village will not be able to protect them from Orochimaru," replied Kakashi. "It will be like inviting him to experiment on Sakura. Besides, we never saw this coming. Taking him out of the picture for treatment will do this case more harm than good. Danzo will have an opportunity to convict each of us once Shikamaru is gone – "

"-he won't!" said Naruto.

"If he does." Kakashi closed the window and remained standing with his back turned to us, motionless. "Danzo can use his absence to strengthen the opposition against Lady Tsunade. Without Shikamaru, we'll have no witness and consequently no chance to regain Konoha's trust after we lose it."

"Are we losing it, Kakashi?"

"Sakura, how long does Shikamaru have?"

"I-I can't tell."

"Yes, you can. Tell us."

I withdrew from Naruto, unable to bear the intensity of his gaze. "His heart condition is a ticking time bomb. I swear to you – no one can tell when his heart will stop beating altogether. What I can tell, though, is that it will be soon. The most we have is two weeks, and even that span will be too long for him to endure. Not with this rebirth case resting on him."

 **Shikamaru:**

Ino and I stood abreast inside the greenhouse, watching the snow fall beyond the glass. I shifted my weight to my right leg and scratched the back of my ear. Ino glimpsed me. I looked at her.

"It doesn't show," she said.

"I'm glad it doesn't."

"Was Sakura upset about it?"

I shrugged, repressing the memory of her silhouette beside me. She had watched over me the night that I vomited blood. She may not have realized that the entire time, she was mumbling to herself that I would live. I wouldn't die. "I'm guessing Kana is."

"No, I asked about Sakura."

"I guess she must be disappointed that she can't cure my condition."

Ino put her hands on her waist and took a deep breath to calm herself. "Shikamaru, you're making this impossible. I'm asking because obviously, Sakura likes you. It's so obvious that I smelled it the moment I entered the house. She reeks of it."

"It's all Kana."

She showed me her trembling fist. "I'm this close to punching you. Shikamaru, I'm her best friend. I know what she looks like when she's afraid and ecstatic and –and in love. Kana may have contributed something but I'm sure those reactions she has when you're around is pure Sakura. And don't you deny having affections for her. I've been your teammate for so long I can tell that you're psyched by my ability to read you. But I don't care if you fall for each other or whatever, Shikamaru. Uncle Shikaku kept on shouldering the pain for his family that in the end, you all ended up more hurt than you would have been had you known the truth. My mother passed away without having told dad the things I made her tell me. I was so selfish that she had no time to love other people. I won't do the same thing to you. You're not going to die – I'll make sure of it – but you have to start acting now...just in case...you know what I mean."

I swallowed and rubbed my nape. "Just in case I die?"

She shook her head. "What I'm trying to say is that you have to prepare for the worst. As your teammate, the best I can do is to support you. Whatever you want, Shikamaru. We don't even know what's happening in Konoha."

"Ino." I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I straightened the words in my head. "What should I do? I've never had to consider these things before."

She held my left arm and squeezed it. "Settle your personal matters and then focus on the bigger battle. That way, no matter how the battle ends, you can be rest assured that you have no loose ends."

I chuckled, holding her hand over my arm. "When you walked out and I followed you I thought we'd be shouting at each other or something."

"I try to be as dramatic as I can be," she said, smiling at me. "But dad gave words of wisdom before I was deployed here. After Aunt Yoshino left our house, I asked dad if he thought she was correct – that something might be wrong with you."

"Mum's convinced that I was born with defects."

"Dad said that by chance you are facing trouble, I should remember that you're not clever enough to have control of the situation and that I should spend less time blaming people and concentrate on loving those I love." Ino shivered and pressed her forehead against our hands. "I want to cry so badly. I want to blame you for being reckless and putting others before yourself, but you don't need that now, do you? I'll get back at you after this case is resolved. Besides, you owe me. I was planning to be the first to break your heart."

"Wait 'till I become a jounin. I still have to ask you out."

"If you survive this case and become popular, I can lower my standards."

"That just motivated me to go on living, Ino."

We laughed together. I reached inside my pocket and felt for Kana's wedding ring - the ring that Sakura had worn – and remembered her saying that two people stuck in a mission for long period of time could never trust the emotions that developed between them. Apart from that, my heart was dysfunctional. How could I trust it?

"Ino, is there a chance that I'm breaking your heart right now?"

"It depends," she said. "Are you referring to the fact that you like Sakura or the fact that you're unhealthy?

I squinted at the distance. I shook Ino's hand. "Why are _they_ here?"

"Who?"

The door behind us swung open. We turned and saw Captain Yamato enter. He peered behind us – at the sight of the shinobis walking across the meadow – and announced that he came to collect us. Did we have any idea about visitors?

"We should meet them."

The three of us rounded the house and walked towards the clearing. Sakura, Naruto, and Kakashi were already standing at the entrance of the house, waiting for our visitors to cross the meadow.

"They're all here!" Ino trudged forward to get a better view of them. "That's Neji, TenTen, Rock Lee, Shino, Kiba, Akamaru, Hinata...Choji!"

Ino and I looked at each other, grinned, and marched amidst the snow to meet them. As we drew nearer, I saw that Master Jiraiya, Shizune, and Shikaku accompanied them.

Choji pushed past the snow and scooped Ino and me in an embrace. "Finally!"

Naruto and Sakura trailed behind us, waving at them.

"What are all of you doing here?" Naruto had to shout to be heard. "What's the dress code for? You guys look cool wearing white! I can hardly make you out from the snow!"

I scanned their group, noting the uniformity in their appearance and the earpieces hidden beneath their hoods. Shikaku met my gaze. I didn't look away. "They're going on a mission?" I asked, which silenced everyone. "They're going to hunt the targets?"

Neji stepped forward. His skin and his eyes, porcelain-like in nature, blended with the rest of his white suit so perfectly that it was difficult to see him amidst the forming blizzard. "Kiba, Lee, and I were on a mission weeks ago. Our objective was to capture an unidentified ninja roaming the borders of the Fire Country. The path he took revealed to us that he could have been searching for the targets. Kiba and Akamaru will tell us if the ninja's scent is still there."

"Hopefully," interjected Lee, "the targets haven't been found."

Sakura withdrew from the group. I pulled away from Ino and Choji. She walked towards me. " _They know."_

"We need the help," I said.

Shizune tossed a white suit to Captain Yamato. "You're coming with us. We're short on men."

The captain unfolded the suit and scowled. "I'm supposed to be guarding Naruto."

Master Jiraiya hooked his arm around Naruto's neck. "No, you're not. This kid is coming with me. We're going on a field trip! You and I, just like old times!"

"Whoa!" Naruto tried to lift the heavy arm off him. "I'm not going anywhere! I'm staying with Sakura and Shikamaru!"

TenTen handed Ino the same white suit. "Like Shizune said, we're short on men."

Before I could protest, Shikaku cleared his throat and explained the situation to us. "Naruto, you're going with Master Jiraiya – orders from the Hokage. The situation in Konoha isn't getting better and we can't have you getting caught in the middle of our politics. The Akatsuki will take every opportunity they can to get their hands on you. We won't take risks. Yamato, Ino, you are knowledgeable enough about the situation to help Shizune in supervising this mission and organizing the information you'll be acquiring – whatever the nature of those eight targets are. Kakashi will be staying here with Sakura and Shikamaru to complete the design of the rebirth jutsu. That's the plan and no one is straying from the plan."

Naruto freed himself from Master Jiraiya and stumbled towards Sakura and I. "Shikamaru!"

Sakura gripped my fingers and looked into my eyes. "You have to tell them," she whispered. "Everybody has to be ready, Shikamaru."

Shikaku drifted from what he was saying to absorb the tension in our group. "Did something happen?"

Master Jiraiya urged us to spit it out.

Shizune reminded us that we had no time to beat around the bush.

Neji mouthed an apology to me.

Sakura intertwined our fingers.

I closed my eyes, imagined Konoha, and opened them again. "The rebirth jutsu affected me but no foreign soul is being reborn in me, fortunately. It's just my heart. My heart will stop functioning soon, so we have to make things quick. I can only see this case through as long as I'm alive, and while that won't really be long, I'm not actually dead yet. We can still win this, right, dad?"


	36. Chapter Thirty-Five

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Thirty - Five**

 **Shikamaru / Shikaku**

 **Shikamaru:**

"How long have you known?"

"A couple of days."

"You can't be dying of heart failure and show no symptom beforehand!"

"If that's so then it's either I'm stupid or Sakura can't tell a bad heart when she sees one!" I inhaled through my nose and swallowed the air to compose myself. I had to remain calm. Calm. "I dove into the pond without considering the effect that a rebirth jutsu gone haywire can have on me – on my bleeding wounds and the thumb that I used to paint that fuckin' blood seal. It's my fault! Can you please stop walking around looking like you can't understand what heart failure is? It's heart _failure._ "

"This is wrong!" Shikaku slammed his hand on the table and turned around, running his other hand across his face. The rubber band around his hair was thinning. It barely held his hair together at the back of his head. He continued to tap his foot.

Beside me, Sakura stood with her head down. Kakashi remained on the farthest corner of the room, peering out the window, watching Shizune and the rest of the team trudge across the meadow and vanish in the white veil that covered the forest.

Exhaustion bit my bones. I pulled a chair and sat on it. I stood and overturned the table. Scrolls fell and unravelled across the room. "I'm the one who's dying! You don't get to blame anyone or say that this is wrong, dad! Nothing's right anymore, okay? _Nothing!_ You're not the one who's fucking losing everything! Can't you see that I'm doing my best to-"

Sakura moved to stand in front of me, her hand partly-raised as though to cover my mouth, when I saw what I had failed to see earlier.

Shikaku. Weeping.

He stared ahead of him – at the staircase that led to the attic-turned-library - and sat on the fourth step, touching his cheeks in recognition of the tears he didn't mean to shed.

"It's not the time to fight, Shikamaru," she whispered. "He's your _dad_ for crying out loud."

"Stop crying," I said to him. He did not flinch. I marched towards him, repeating the same words, expecting the same impassiveness, and wishing he would do anything but be silent.

Anything but silence, Shikaku.

Upon reaching him, I knelt on the third tread and shook him. "Stop crying! Stop it! This is not the time to cry, dad!"

He stared at me. "I'm not crying."

"Yes, you are, and I know it's because you're overwhelmed with work and I didn't meant to add to you-"

"You're my son." He put his hands on my cheeks. His thumbs traced the tiny scars and bumps under my eyes. "You're my firstborn son. That's all the reason I have."

My knees caved in. I fell on my knees and clung to him for support. I dug my fingers in his winter coat. The smell of the incense that mum lit every morning still exuded from his clothes. Turning, I sat next to him and said, "I can't return to Konoha yet."

"You have to," he said in a low voice, as though it was a struggle to breathe. "The sooner we treat you, the higher your chances of survival."

"And leave Sakura here?"

"She's not your sole responsibility."

"She's changing." I fought the urge to glimpse her black hair. Everybody had been warned and had not reacted, but our refusal to acknowledge it didn't make it less of a fact. "You've taken away Naruto, Ino, and Captain Yamato. Kana might use this as a chance to overtake her completely. Besides, don't we have the rebirth jutsu's design to complete? Once we're done, I'll pack up and leave. Just don't expect me to leave her by herself like this. It's not right."

He scowled at me. It took him a while to say, "You're as important to the case as she is. You may not be morphing into another person, but you are – " he stopped and swallowed. "Shikamaru, you're-"

"-Dying."

"No, your life is in grave danger," he said. "I'm your commander and I have to emphasize the need to save you in case it will be too late for both Sakura and Sai. When – if they die, you will be our best chance at uncovering the plans of Kana and Ryo's group against the village."

"You know you can't just bring me back to Konoha now, dad. You'll have to make preparations if you want to medicate me. And hide me. I _am_ aware of Danzo."

He inhaled, closed his eyes, and exhaled slowly. "If there's a single trace of the rebirth virus in your bloodstream, Danzo can use it to cause the Hokage's downfall."

"I'm sorry."

"I trust Sakura." He turned his head to look at me. "But she's not exactly herself at the moment. We'll need a second opinion."

I nodded over and over. "I'm okay."

"With what?"

"With everything. With that box and Aiko Hyuuga and Grandpa Michio and Shikame..." I raised my head and saw Sakura staring at us from inside the living room, her cheeks burning a bright red. "I'm okay with dying, I guess."

"I'll be seeing you soon." He chuckled wanly. "Your mother's gonna kill me."

I laughed at the remembrance of their arguments. "Nah. She stayed with you. She'll stay with you through it all."

"Just like you're staying with Sakura Haruno?"

"It's not her fault."

He sighed and hunched lower. He dipped his hand into the front pocket of his chuunin vest and slipped out a crumbled photograph. I took it from him and held it towards the light. "Gramps?" I exclaimed. "You keep a picture of _gramps_?"

"Everyday," he said. "I never told you much about him, did I? I thought all his scolding when you were just a boy was enough memory of him for you to carry. Seems I'm wrong. I should have told you at least the few good things he did for me and my family. First of all, he fought for my place as the next head of the Nara clan. He said that he didn't work his ass off for an inheritance that would be passed on to someone that his wife didn't give birth to."

"Sounds like something he would say."

"And after Yoshino returned to me, the first person that we went to was Michio," he said, smiling. "Experience told me he'd exile us, but there was something different the night that we came to him. He ran out of his room and hit my head. But he said nothing. He cooked for us, let us eat, and told us to return to our house. He arranged every crease with your mother's clan, and he was the first to be with Yoshino when she was giving birth to you. I was in a mission. You were already a ball-shaped human the size of my two hands when I first saw you."

When I looked at gramp's picture again, another man came into view. Suddenly his frown was not so severe. Not even scary. I knew he resembled Shikaku, but knowing was different from witnessing. They were more similar than I ever dared expect. "Dad, why were you always fighting with him? We often visited him here and each time you'd end up in an argument."

Shikaku stood, holding the railing to support his weight. He glanced down at me with a sad smile. "Michio wanted you to know about Aiko and the baby, just so you'd have nothing against me in the future. I told him that I couldn't bear the thought of you thinking any less of me and your mother."

"I don't. I-I don't think that's possible."

"Sixty percent of the time, though, we argued because I put you in a snail race and bet against you." He shrugged and laughed a little. "The rest of the shinobis bet that you'd win. Guess what? We came home with all their money and used it to pay our bills. Michio said that he'd take you from me if you keep being so depressingly lazy and replace you with a snail."

I glowered at him. "I've been paying for our living this entire time?"

"You're just an accessory, son," he said. "I was the one who exerted the effort."

Kakashi knocked on the wall, disturbing us. "I'm sorry, but you have to go, sir. We'll be starting the experiment with Sakura soon, and a good friend of mine will see if she can do anything for Shikamaru. You're needed in Konoha."

Shikaku only nodded, appreciating rather than condemning the fact that he'd eavesdropped on us. He pulled me to my feet and embraced me. "I never hated Michio more than I loved him. I hope that – "

"I love you, dad."

He kissed my forehead, removed his rubber band, and tied it around mine. I stepped back, gawking. He pulled his hood over his head.

"I'm not leaving this house, dad."

"I'll come back for you. This isn't over, son."

He turned. I grabbed his shoulder. "Dad?"

"Don't beg me to stay. I'll punch you."

I peered behind him and was glad that Kakashi had engaged Sakura in a conversation. "Dad, the Fifth told Sakura that a man and a woman that are in a mission for long periods of time should never trust their emotions...especially when t-they...you know, feel something for the other shinobi."

His eyes widened and his lips parted.

" _Well_?"

"It's true," he said, at last.

I waited for him to ask that one question I feared, but so badly wanted an answer to. He cleared his throat and stroked his beard once.

"Is it _always_ true, dad? In all honesty."

He fidgeted, seeming unable to decide on whether he should keep his arms on his sides or put them on his waist, and whether to keep a neutral expression or hint his true emotions. The second before I urged him to speak up, a certain calmness overcame his being, and he said, "I never taught you that because love doesn't follow shinobi codes. Love isn't sexual pleasure or any form of physical and emotional gratification, although they remain a tender part of it. I think, son, that love is choosing to give your remaining breath to a certain medic because you'd want nothing more than to see her live. As your father, I'd want nothing more than to acknowledge that my son has...my son has made a good choice. Not that it doesn't hurt a little to see you grow up. I just never imagined it to be this way, Shikamaru."

"Dad-"

He called Sakura to approach us, cutting me short of my apology. She joined us in the corridor, holding her breath and unable to lift her eyes from the floor. He placed both his hands on her shoulders and told her to look at him. She did.

"Your parents know," he said. "Lady Tsunade reinstated them to their ranks and gave them the mission to assist the Feudal Lord's daughter while she tours the land. If anything is to happen to you or to any of us, the Feudal Lord's daughter can serve as a direct witness that they were with her and could not have possibly collaborated with any of us here."

"Thank you." Sakura grasped his wrists and hung her head low, trembling. "Thank you."

Shikaku ruffled her hair. He said, "And take care of my son."

"Sir." Kakashi scratched his head. "You really have to return to Konoha now."

"Ah, one last thing!" Shikaku grinned at Sakura and me, his hands on his hips, his chest out, his eyes welling. "Yoshino's pregnant. We paid the best medic to predict the child's gender, and there's a huge possibility that you'll have a little sister, Shikamaru. We're going to name her Yutsuki. Yutsuki Nara. That alright with you, son?"

The heaviness in my soul lifted. Seeing dad put his best effort to make my death hurt less, to release us from the deafening blow of this case even just for a few seconds while the news startled us, made me realize that I did want to live. I wanted to live long enough to make sure that they could go on without me. "You got mum pregnant?"

"It's not a crime, Shikamaru."

I burst into laughter. "A baby sister? No way! I-I can't believe it!"

"Gives you another damsel in distress to fight for." He winked at me, waved goodbye once, paused, and curled his fingers into a fist. There was no reason to wave goodbye. I punched my fist into the air, my way of telling him that it was alright.

Everything was alright.

Sakura wringed her hands and tipped her head back, forcing her tears to seep back into her eyes. She mumbled to herself that she wasn't going to cry. She had cried enough. Her parents were safe, thank goodness.

I touched her forearm. She jumped back, startled, and a teardrop rolled down her right cheek. "He's not mad at me?"

"He's not mad at you."

"But I'm keeping you here."

"I'm here by choice."

Kakashi opened the window wider and lifted his forehead protector from his sharingan. I asked him about his good friend. Was she an ANBU with long hair, lean body, and gentle voice?

"She's escorting a very important person here to help Sakura complete the rebirth design and to draw out more information from Kana." Lowering his forehead protector, he heaved the table to the farthest side of the living room and dragged the couch to the centre. He told me to lie down.

"Shouldn't Sakura be the one to lie down?"

"We're treating you first." He motioned to the couch. "My friend's the best. She knows every trick in the book to keep a man alive."

Sakura prodded me forward. "So does Ryo and Orochimaru, Kakashi."

"She's not going to transfer you to another body..." Kakashi folded his arms across his chest and closed his eye. "Although sometimes, that alternative is tempting."

I stopped behind the couch.

"Funny, Kakashi," Sakura said.

No one moved. No one responded to her.

"Are you crazy?" she yelled. "We-we don't...No. We're never resorting to that. No!"

Kakashi remained unmoving. I shivered. He was giving me an idea – one that he was probably against to but could not deny the cleverness of. I rounded the couch and sat on it with my hands on my thighs and my mind in the cave where Sai and I battled Ryo for Sakura's life.

A pair of boots entered my field of vision. I looked up to find Sakura frowning at me. "Tell me you're not thinking about it. I know you think it's smart but it isn't." Turning around, she swung her arm towards Kakashi. "What's wrong with you? We're not doing what the enemy has done! That will make us real traitors! That will-"

"Fool Danzo into thinking that I, the only remaining trump card of the Hokage, am dead. My body will be buried but my soul will be elsewhere, working in the background."

Sakura slapped me across the face. I fell sideways and hit my forehead against the armrest. She went to Kakashi and slapped him, too.

Kakashi and I groaned.

"No one is going to reincarnate anyone – especially not Shikamaru!" She stomped her foot. "Are we clear?"

"Relax." Kakashi crept backwards and used his arm as a shield from Sakura. "I was testing if Shikamaru's considered it before. It seems you haven't."

"Why should he, Kakashi? It's stupid!"

Holding my swollen cheek, I sat up again and winced inwardly. "Because we might need desperate measures. If one thing in this entire case goes wrong, we disregard honour and pursue duty at all costs – duty that is focused on Konoha alone. But if I have alternatives, I won't even get near another pond. Thanks for distrusting me, Kakashi. Do you think I'd go that far? What difference will that make? I don't need your lectures today. Not here, anyway. I've had enough the last time."

Behind his mask, a smile formed. "Good. I'll be back soon. Our guest is near and she'll need assistance."

I squinted at him, attempting to comprehend the deviousness in his tone. "Who is this guest? I don't like any more surprises."

"You'll be surprised either way." He crouched on the window ledge, formed a hand seal, and disappeared.

Sakura's fists trembled. She stood in front of me again. "Were you? Were you considering it?"

"Sakura, it never crossed my mind until now."

"It better have gone from your mind or I'm going to smack if out of your brain."

"It doesn't surprise me that Kana's learned to suppress herself."

Sakura sat on the other end of the couch. She crossed her legs and rolled down the sleeves of her sweatshirt. "Why isn't your father forcing you to return to Konoha, Shikamaru?"

The frailty behind Shikaku's intonation during our discourse struck me. He had wanted to persuade me to go back with him, which was why he kept putting Kakashi off. Perhaps he was waiting for me to deliberate that option with him. However, I hadn't. "Dad isn't the controlling type. He just likes to scold me as form of guidance, but the last thing he'll do is dictate my life. The remainder of it, anyway."

"Mathematically, the remainder isn't the total end of the equation."

"I never enjoyed math back in the Academy."

"You slept through the class."

"Oh? Did you actually notice me then or was it only because Sir Iruka made it a habit to have me stand outside the classroom with Naruto?"

She rubbed her hands together, about to reply, and cut herself off. Later, she said that Kakashi was taking long to return.

"Are you afraid?" I said, causing her to turn to me. Twisting on the couch and stretching my arm over the length of the backrest, I repeated my question. Her discomfort was visible.

"Nobody wants to die. Not so young." She glimpsed my hand, which was within her reach. "Not this way."

"No, I meant if you're afraid of being left alone with me like this."

"There's no reason for me to fear you."

"Really? You're going to lie to me now after all we've been through and said to each other?"

"Are you?" She picked on the loose threads of her sleeves. "Are you afraid?"

I snickered. "Pretty much. It's bad, I think. I've never been so honest with anyone."

"I've never been so mad at myself," she whispered. "There are so many things running in my head and I can't tell if it's Kana's thoughts or mine. When we're alone and you're near, I have to restrain myself from getting closer...from wanting to feel safe through you. I don't know who'll be benefiting from it. Will it be me or Kana? What if all I feel is caused by the rebirth? What if this isn't me? What if it's Kana who wishes that time would stop right now and keep us here like this? Forever. See? I sound like the rebirth jutsu had it been a human. I was watching over you the other night and thinking that if I lay next to you...would the satisfaction be mine? Can I ever have a conversation with you and not be mad that I say things that mean something _more_ than they should?"

My temples throbbed. This hurt too much. "I don't really have that kind of problem."

She rolled her eyes, her laughter forced. "Duh."

"If I'm going to die tomorrow, I don't want to spend today thinking that I have to wait until we're back in Konoha to know if what I feel for you, Sakura, is valid."

"Don't." She leapt to her feet and strode towards the window. She turned and pressed her back against the wall. "You're not supposed to say that! It will give Kana hope."

"And I'm supposed to leave _you_ hopeless?" I stood, hesitant to approach her. "Just tell me. I'm asking Sakura, not Kana."

"...Asking what?"

"Are you completely and honestly convinced that we've fooled each other into developing affections that are beyond camaraderie?" I said. "Because it's a big contrast to what happened to Lady Tsunade. I didn't take advantage of you out of lust. We never did any of those things. Half the time, you're beating me up and shouting at me, and I've had no choice but say something because I can't keep quiet with you. I've put the effort to say something back and to contribute to our relationship, and that scares me the most because I know I can lose you. To the rebirth, to Danzo, or-or to somebody else. I don't know. I can lose you and yet I'm not distancing myself for the sake of not getting hurt. _I want to feel something, Sakura_."

Sakura pursed her lips and shrugged. "I want to feel something so badly, too."

We stared at each other.

I managed a small smile. "You're not scratching your back."

"I'm not scratching, yes."

"It's not Kana," I said.

"It's not Kana," she agreed.

The front door opened. We watched the empty corridor behind us, waiting to see who our guest was.

Voices resonated downstairs. The stairs creaked. The footfalls were light and came in intervals. Sakura and I shared a glance and walked to the stairs. I held onto the wall, unable to comprehend the sight of the person who was standing in front of me.

Kurenai rubbed her belly, panting. "It's heavy, alright. Hello, Shikamaru, Sakura."

 **Shikaku:**

The Fifth Hokage would not respond. She sat still on her chair, staring blankly at her empty desk.

"I choose to continue," I said.

Ayano lowered TonTon to the floor and bent on her waist to bow to me. Inoichi stood beside her and bowed. Kazuo and Isas did the same. I shook my head at them and said, "I don't deserve your respect. This is my duty. This is expected of me and of my son and of each and every one of you. We live and die for Konoha. We will continue, milady. This is what Shikamaru and Sakura wants. This is what I want."

She scooped TonTon to her arms and squeezed him against her breasts. "I can't send anybody to him, Shikaku. I'm being watched. All of us are being watched."

"Kakashi has that covered," I said and closed my mouth to ease the contraction in my jaws. I would not choke. I would not show any weakness. "He has an ANBU medic to check on Shikamaru, milady. They will be fine. Sakura is there, remember? She'll know the options Shikamaru has."

"When will you tell Yoshino?"

"I'm still planning how. Now isn't the best time to upset her."

"Does Shikamaru know that Yoshino is pregnant?"

"I told him, ma'am."

"Send Yoshino to her family," said the Fifth with a sigh and a curse. "Somebody has to take care of her while you and Shikamaru are away. You'll need to tell her soon. Perhaps after you interrogate that prisoner?"

Inoichi placed three scrolls in front of the Hokage. "We have studied the prisoner and tried to extract as many information from him as possible but...it's like trying to get a highly trained ANBU to speak. He has nothing. He can block my mind infiltration and cause himself to suffer, therefore rendering himself vulnerable to death and impossible to further infiltration. You interrogated him right before Shikamaru and the rest were deployed to meet Kana, Shikaku. What happened then?"

That time, I had been too eager to go home and catch Shikamaru before he was deployed that I did not pay enough attention to the prisoner. I remembered telling Shikamaru to go home, mainly because the bills were due to arrive, but also because there was doubt brewing inside me. Doubt that he was powerful enough to get through every mission he would be assigned to. Doubt that someday, he would be able to come home the same. "He said nothing to me. I made him bleed and he said nothing. But there's something, I'm sure of it. Let me go there alone and talk to him. I promise to come back with everything that bastard is hiding from us."

"And if he's not connected to this case?" Inoichi asked, stopping me from exiting the office.

I looked over my shoulder. "He is. We arrested him at the border of the Fire Country. It can't be a coincidence."

 **Shikamaru:**

Of all the people who could be here.

Kakashi assisted her out of her layers of sweaters and coats. Freed of her gloves, she gathered her hair into a ponytail and made a bun of it at the top of her head. Kakashi, for the hundredth time, begged her to take a sit. "Please," he said, "Asuma will haunt me if anything happens to you or to your baby. Just sit down. Slowly. Are you in pain?"

The ANBU plucked the mask off her face and strapped it on the belt around her waist.

Sakura and I raised our eyebrows at the sight of her.

"Wow," I muttered to myself, finding it difficult to take my eyes off her. Very few women had managed to make me stop to observe, and this was the first time I did so without fearing for my life. Temari's character forced me to pay more attention than I was willing to give, mainly because a tactician like her knew what impression to give people in order to get what she wanted. This ANBU, on the other hand, shimmered with mystique and grace. At once, I was certain that I she was not somebody I would entrust my life with had not Kakashi recommended her. The luring aura that this ANBU radiated was intentional. Looking hard at her could not clarify the true nature behind her persona.

Sakura stepped on my toes.

"Ouch!" I pulled my poor foot from under her boot. "It's not what you think!" I hissed at her.

Kakashi chuckled but made no comment, leaving me guessing whether he knew my exact thoughts about his friend. Kurenai sat on a chair and interlaced her fingers over her swollen belly. "Kakashi has briefed me of the...the situation. The last time Ino visited me, I had asked about your whereabouts and her answer was obviously a lie. She was studying odd medical texts – not something a normal medic on a normal endeavour would study. Eventually, I interrogated Kakashi and he admitted to need my –"

"Why did you have to get her involved?" I asked Kakashi. I wanted to hide my defiance but couldn't.

Kurenai raised her hand to stop me. "He didn't. He practiced the genjutsu art prescribed in my case study but it was too complex for anyone to master in such a short period of time."

"We could have pursued another alternative." I avoided looking at her belly the entire time. Inside it was Asuma's baby. We put Kurenai and the baby in trouble by leading them here. The facts were suddenly crashing in my mind, preaching the extent of the damage that we could incur from this manoeuvre. "Kurenai, I'm sure that you want to help, but I don't want you harmed."

"And I don't want Asuma's student to die this death." Kurenai transferred her gaze from me to Sakura. "And Kakashi's. There's something you don't understand with the situation, both of you. We're all fighting for our lives. If I don't help Sakura regain the full picture of the rebirth jutsu, we'll be inviting war on the gates of Konoha. This is for everyone and everything we've fought for. Asuma made that clear to you, didn't he, Shikamaru?"

"Shikamaru." Sakura forced me down on the couch. "You think too much. She's right. Let the ANBU see what she can do for your heart while Kurenai and I work together to clean this mess ASAP."

"Wait, are you talking about the genjutsu you've been working on these past few months?" I asked Kurenai.

"The one and only."

"But that consumes too much chakra! It won't be safe for you!"

Kakashi set up two chairs facing one another and beckoned Sakura to sit on the one he was holding. "I'll share my chakra with her. You're wasting our time, Shikamaru."

"I'm not." I connected one existing memory of the mission, particularly our battle in the cave, to my knowledge of Sakura's past. I visited the conversations we had with Kana before I left her with Sakura to be medicated. I scoured the hut again for anything that might reveal more of Kana. Nothing intertwined perfectly. "Kurenai, I've read your case study. You'll be looking for matching fragments of both Kana and Sakura's memories that exist in the same place and time to converge their presence. You can't rely on their interaction during the mission. You'll only see a lot of Ryo and Sasuke and how she's confusing me with those two men."

"But you don't know Kana." She passed a piece of paper to Kakashi, who was now holding a paintbrush and a bottle of ink in one hand. "Fragments of their lives match in spite of the difference in time and space. All I need is one memory that fits into the same box and I can create a safe place to communicate with Kana. It's the only way we can derive the design without having Sakura shoulder the burden alone. Kakashi told me about what you did to complete a map. Resorting to that again will be fatal for Sakura. Kana will need another person to converse with if we don't want her overtaking the vessel. Unless, of course, Sakura is powerful enough to converse with Kana on her own with just enough reinforcement of mental strength and chakra."

Sakura pushed herself off the chair and stumbled towards Kakashi. He caught her and led her back to her seat. She twisted her neck left and right, her movements unusually sloppy. "What drug was that?" she asked the ANBU.

The ANBU ignored her and told me to lie down.

"She's talking to you," I said.

She bit her gloves off and pointed at the couch.

"Answer me."

"I'm not the enemy." She propped her knee on the space beside my hand, pressed two of her fingers on my chest, and pushed me to lie down. "That's all you need to know. Now, stay focused on your breathing."

Overhead, I heard Sakura complain about a headache. The chakra level in the room aggravated. The muscles in my chest contracted. The ANBU unzipped my jacket and rolled my sweater up until my torso was exposed. I dismissed the cold and busied myself with the fluctuating flow of chakra between Kurenai, Kakashi, and Sakura.

Suddenly, the chakras merged and there was one channel on which it flowed. I recoiled, barely able to make a sound despite the pinch in my heart. My mind blanked. The ANBU straightened me on the couch and made a hand seal. "This will be painless."

She flattened her palm directly over my heart, concentrating her energy there, and pressed harder and harder as the minutes passed.

What was Kuranai doing to Sakura? Would they both be alright?

Sakura's voice shattered the silence inside the living room. Was that amusement I was hearing? I could imagine her grinning at me. "When I grow up, I want to be-! Naruto, if you do that you'll screw everything up! Why can't you be more like Sasuke? He's super cool and...our first mission! Sir Kakashi, how long will we be gone from Konoha? Do you think Ino can last in the forest, Naruto? I highly doubt it! Yes, you're right. I am more capable than her. She's lucky to have someone capable like Shikamaru in her team. Choji's fine, too. I'm not so sure about that, Sasuke. The Byakugan is a powerful thing...but nothing that can outdo the sharingan! You're definitely better than Neji! Mum! Stop lecturing me about everything I do! Get a life of your own! Dad, she's doing it again! I'm not useless! I know I can do more. Lady Tsunade, I won't let you down. Being a medic isn't a joke and I'm taking this as seriously as I can. Ask Shizune – she can tell you how good I am."

"Sakura, turn to the right," Kurenai interrupted in an easy voice, one that simply blended in the background. "There. You're sixteen. Let go of your childhood and focus on the events of the recent months. I see you want to go to the hospital. It's a busy day. Let's skip that, shall we? Sakura, you can leave the hospital now. Where are you going?"

A genjutsu that followed the laws of mind infiltration. An artificial reality projected from the memory of the patient. A virtual sphere in which the patient and the genjutsu user could interact. A space where you could relive the past and share it with other people. Kurenai had poured her heart into this case study to divert from the pain of her loss. How effective was it? How safe could she switch from one memory to another?

"Sakura, where does this corridor lead? Who did you see?"

"Smoke," she answered. "A man is smoking in the corridor. It's not allowed. I'm going to him to remind him. I see a chuunin vest and black hair. It's Shikamaru."

The ANBU's hand was no longer on my torso – it was inside me.

"He is smoking and he looks upset. I sit beside him, startling him. He relaxes when he realizes it's only me. He says 'hey'. I point out that cigarette smoking is prohibited in the hospital. He takes a drag and puts it out. He tells me that revenge barely satisfied him. Every last one of the Akatsuki deserved more than death. I put my hand on his back. He asks why I am healing him. I explain that medics work on the surface. We touch the physical but rarely the mental and the emotional. One day, when I am as great as Lady Tsunade, I will find a way to heal graver wounds. It might be a long process...not like a surgery where I can remove the problem in a matter of hours and guarantee the total recovery of the patient. Shikamaru asks me how I'm supposed to mend an abstract matter. I say that I'll stay with a patient as long as needed. That will be a good start, right?"

"Sakura, you're flipping the page. I can't follow. Sakura!"

"Hiroshi, one day, I will mend the broken pieces of our past and our future. You can stop grieving for the loss of our comrade. Takeo and I are still here. The mission will go on."

The ANBU withdrew her hand from inside me. Blood dripped on my stomach. She used it to write a script from my belly button to my collarbone. "Breathe," she whispered.

Kurenai's intonation was drenched with panic. "Sakura, you are replacing Shikamaru with someone else. That's not Shikamaru anymore. That hand is not yours. You're not Kana. Displace yourself."

"Kurenai," said Kakashi, "We've found a perfect match. Sakura, displace. We can't see things clearly like you do. Talk to us."

"She has her hand on his back." Sakura coughed. "She's insisting that he compose himself. It's Kana and a black haired man sitting on a bench. In a forest. No. No! Kana, stay away. What? Who is that man? He...Hiroshi? Why did he kiss you? I thought you were married to Ryo? You love Ryo. Who is that man calling both of you? Give me a name. Takeo. He's your master. You're plotting something. Ryo is not there. Where's your wedding ring? Is that the map? Are those the targets? Why are you collecting the bodies of your comrades? Wait, if you're going to Ryo...Hiroshi. He doesn't want you to go. Why is Takeo insisting that you do? What is this mission you are trying to finish? Sasuke. Sasuke? Orochimaru? Sai! Shikamaru! You shouldn't be in the cave! It's useless! Don't save me! Save yourselves!"

"Sakura, take control!"

"Wake me up! Everything's turning black!"

The ANBU formed a hand seal and slammed her hand on my stomach. A surge of power entered me, forcing itself into my pathways, widening my narrowed channels, burning my bones, clutching my organs, prickling my skin, piercing my head, urging me to scream. Scream.

 **Shikaku:**

I pressed my foot against the prisoner's bleeding knee. He squirmed on his chair, shutting his cries by baring his teeth and clenching his jaws. I pressed harder. "You were travelling across the Fire Country's border with a burnt body! Who was it? What were you doing there? Answer me now or I swear I'll pluck your teeth one by one until you bleed to death!"

He released his breath and screamed.

It was about time, I thought. Starving and wounded, I was certain he could not sustain his stubbornness. Grabbing his stiff, black hair, I dragged his head towards the light and slapped him. "C'mon, boy. I've got no time."

He screamed again. I was getting tired of him and my old interrogation methods. Risks had to be made. This rusty prison cell inside a vault minimized the danger of getting heard by the other prisoners, at least.

"You were one of Takeo's puppets, weren't you, boy?" I swung his head left and right to keep him aware of me. "You think you're so clever? I know you're Hiroshi. I know you're a skilled ninja trained by one of our best ANBUS – or should I say former ANBU? He's quite the traitor to our village. I'm not surprised you're after Konoha."

His pupils met mine, at last. His shaking worsened. Sweat oozed from his scalp and raced down his face.

More risks. No. Too dangerous. I gripped his hair tighter, certain that I had no choice but reveal every card I had and see what reaction I would get from him. "Kana. Ryo. You know those two? Ah, you can put on a different expression. Don't look so startled. You guessed right. Both of them are dead."

The redness of his face ebbed until he was ashen. "Kana," he croaked. "Kana."

"Yes. Kana. You, together with Kana, Ryo, and Takeo, collaborated with Orochimaru to bring down Konoha!"

"Orochimaru." He spat on my chuunin vest. "I'd never work with Orochimaru. Takeo and Kana never did. This is his fault! This is his fault!"

I let go of him and took three steps backward, absorbing the anger that emanated from him. "You're enemies with Orochimaru."

"We were trying to stop him!" He kicked and kicked on the floor, shouting curses at no one in particular. "Kana, Takeo, and I did everything to stop him! That bastard Ryo deserves to die! He sold all of us to Orochimaru and even took Kana from me! He took her from me and killed her!"

 **Shikamaru:**

The ANBU rolled my sweater over my abdomen and zipped my jacket up. Slipping her hands between my back and the cushion, she heaved me to a sitting position and offered me a small bottle that contained bright, amber liquid. I waved it away and shifted on the couch so I could see what had happened to Sakura.

Kakashi sat next to her, erasing the script on her forehead with a wet towel. Sakura hunched over her knees, steadying her breathing.

Kurenai dabbed at the sweat on her temples.

The ANBU grabbed my chin and pressed the rim of the bottle against my lips. The liquid poured into my mouth. I swallowed it and coughed a few times.

"Good," she chirped, capping the bottle. "This will support the outgrowth at the back of your heart."

"What outgrowth?"

"There's a reservoir of chakra at the back of your heart and it's the source from which your heart draws power to continue beating. Do you know how that got there?"

A reservoir of chakra. The back of the heart. A greater supply of adrenaline. This was Sakura's case study, the one that Lady Tsunade was going to fund. The hospital. She created that reservoir inside me when she put her hand on my back. "Sakura?" I called. "Kurenai, are you okay? Is Sakura okay?"

Kurenai wrapped her arms around her belly, as though defending it. She said, "Sakura, you conversed with Kana. You didn't let us see what was happening. Do you remember anything?"

Sakura snapped her head up and scanned the room. She froze upon seeing me. "I was right. Kana was telling the truth. I saw everything – a lot of things! It wasn't uncertainty that linked Shikamaru to Kana. Shikamaru cutting the cord and blocking Kana's view of Ryo had a part in why I mistook him for my husband, but it's not that entirely. It's that one perfectly similar event with Kana putting her hand on Hiroshi's back and comforting him of his loss that made Shikamaru prone to my disillusionment. It's why I feel that I love you but I act otherwise. Physically, I'm treating you the way Kana would treat Ryo, but emotionally, I am loving you the way Kana loved Hiroshi. That's why we don't sleep on the same bed and-and-and I don't...staying with you in this house was wrong. We're like Kana and Hiroshi, not Kana and Ryo. Ryo was Kana's husband, but Hiroshi was the one with her all throughout. I-I d-don't know who you are to me anymore."

Kakashi stopped cleaning her forehead. "Sakura, who's Hiroshi?"

"Ryo left Kana when they were younger!" She blinked several times, testing her vision and assuring herself that she was awake. "Ryo left for a long time and Kana had a relationship with Hiroshi! Takeo discovered that Ryo was working for Orochimaru in order to cure Kana, even though he knew that Kana was just another experiment. He was hoping that it would be a success and Kana wouldn't have to die of her disease. Ryo returned to them and told Kana that he could save her using a rebirth jutsu. Kana told Takeo and Hiroshi about Ryo's plans. Takeo then instructed Kana to play along with Ryo. Ryo told Kana to lure the other members of the program towards Orochimaru, so he could use them for practice."

 **Shikaku:**

"We who served under Takeo agreed to be sacrifices in order to bring down Orochimaru. Takeo's plan was to keep the bodies of his children detectable in order for me to steal them before Orochimaru could gather data through them. On the fourth body, however, Takeo was captured and used as a practice vessel. Takeo told Kana to play along, because I was still there to carry out the entire plan. He wouldn't die for nothing. Kana continued to play along."

I paced the length of the prison cell, soaking in the information as best as my boggled mind could. "And then Kana begged for Konoha's help in treating her disease. How were they sure that Sakura Haruno would be assigned to that mission?"

"You have a traitor in your midst," he hissed, licking the blood on the corner of his lips. "I don't know who it is. Orochimaru has his ways."

"How about that body you were carrying? Who's was it?"

"Takeo."

"Where were you taking him?"

"To the last destination in the map. I was supposed to bury him, but your shinobis captured me. You don't have any idea how big of a mistake that was."

I wrapped my fingers around his neck and bent on my waist so we could see each other eye-to-eye. "Tell me, Hiroshi. How big of a mistake was that?"

He scoffed. "You think you're so high and mighty when in fact, you destroyed the one plan that could have destroyed Orochimaru's attempts at reincarnation. I'm sure you've discovered a rogue ninja scouting the border. It's Kabuto. Orochimaru wants him to retrieve the bodies we've stolen."

"How is that supposed to bring Orochimaru down?"

"Those bodies that they experimented on are the keys to the completion of the rebirth jutsu. But Kabuto won't get to the targets alive!" He laughed, louder and louder. "He'll die the second he digs the ground for one of the targets! We were helping Konoha by delivering his own body to you! Our plan was perfect!"

I tightened my hold of his neck. "What the fuck is supposed to kill Kabuto, Hiroshi?"

The next word out of his mouth turned the world into black and white for moments too long. Too long.

"Bombs."

 **Shikamaru:**

"I don't get it," I said as I kneaded my chest with my knuckles. "I don't understand how her relationship with Hiroshi and Ryo plays a part in our relationship. Are you saying you're more alike with Kana than we thought?"

Sakura bit her forefinger to help her concentrate on her thoughts. "That's the least important matter right now. I'm not the most important concern – Konoha is. This is bigger than the rebirth itself. Kana and Hiroshi and Takeo were on a mission to take down Orochimaru by sabotaging his attempts to perfect the rebirth jutsu. Kana was telling me to burn the map because they...fuck. She was sparing Konoha. She didn't want Konoha to pursue the targets because then we'd think that Takeo and the program were against Konoha rather than for it. The targets are their final assault against Orochimaru."

Kakashi glimpsed Kurenai, the ANBU, and me. "Sakura." He pressed his palm on her forehead and bound her wrists together with his other hand. "Is that you, Sakura?"

She exhaled, and her face withdrew from all emotions. "It's me. I k-know it's me."

Before I could stand and go to her, before I could tell her to fight it, before I could open my mouth and tell her that she could not surrender to the rebirth now, an explosion thundered outside. The house trembled. Two photo frames collided with the floor. Glass shattered. Kakashi and Kurenai reached for each other's hand at the same time to sustain their balance.

The ANBU rushed to the window and kicked it open, allowing us to witness black clouds devour the winter sky. She declared that she would organize the forest's defence. Kakashi followed her out of the window, saying that he had to report this to the Hokage at once.

Another series of explosion deafened us. I held on to Kurenai to keep her on her chair. Once the rumbling ceased, she gasped and looked down at her belly. "Shikamaru, my water just broke."


	37. Chapter Thirty-Six

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Thirty - Six**

 **Kakashi / Shikaku/ Shikamaru**

 **Kakashi:**

From the roof where I balanced, I could see how Konoha stood still. Each head was tipped back, each pair of eyes was staring at the angry, black clouds that darkened the sky, and each mouth was open in both astonishment and shock.

Konoha would not be this quiet for quite some time.

The moment the earthquake ceased, footfalls and screams became the hour's anthem. I knew I should be heading straight for the Hokage Tower, but I wasn't sure if it was the safest place to go. Had Danzo made his move? Was he responsible for the explosion at the border, was there an enemy encounter, or was it the targets altogether? I climbed a higher roof and peered at the distance, aiming my sight at the source of the smoke.

If Orochimaru emerged with his gigantic snakes and his masked henchmen, Konoha would not stand a chance.

I waited. It was not an enemy attack – at least not Orochimaru. A minute had gone by and nothing else followed the first seven explosions. Eight targets. Seven explosions. Craning my neck to the north, I wondered if I would find anyone of value in the Hokage Tower. Chances were that the Fifth was still in Lab Five.

Below me, medical ninjas and specialist shinobis from various divisions were making their way past the thickening crowd and towards the village gate. Somebody had raised the alarm. Emergency drills were in progress. Shit. I had no way of reaching any of my superiors without gaining the attention of my colleagues.

Hopping across roofs, I made my way down two balconies and leapt to the main road. I joined the stream of shinobis sprinting out of the village, taking into account any unfamiliar face I passed. An eighth explosion overtook the commotion. The ground trembled. The trees showered us with leaves. Bigger, darker clouds climbed the heavens.

I resumed walking out of the gate. Nobody had time to ask questions or to culture suspicions. In these situations, only the brass had the right to think and to decide. If somebody dared inquire, I could always blame the Hokage for my actions. She'd cover for me, anyway.

I stopped outside the village gate upon sensing a chakra that I had not sensed for so long.

Diverting from the steady stream of shinobis, I tracked the chakra to the west wall of Konoha Village. It remained there, lingering, struggling. I slowed to a walk. The sound of the explosions replayed in my head. My confrontation with Shikamaru surfaced from my thoughts. Anguish interrupted my calm. Anger devoured me at the sight of Anko, leaning against the wall, looking up at the billows of smoke.

Blood spoiled her mesh body suit, her skirt, and her coat. Dirt covered her shoes and shin guards as though she had been soaked in the mud for days. Mud and more blood. But it wasn't her appearance that angered me, really. It was that quivering hand above her curse mark and the other quivering hand holding her forehead protector.

A smile formed on those pale lips and, suddenly, she dropped the forehead protector. The metal placard collided with the dirt. "You always come at the right time, Kakashi."

"The nightmare you told me a few years ago... on your birthday," I said as I approached her, willing my tone to be less hostile but finding it impossible under the swelling dread between her and I. "You dreamt that Orochimaru was standing beside your bed, hauling you to stand, and telling you to follow him. After each similar dream where you encounter Orochimaru, you wake up in the morning and realize that you're standing on you balcony railing - about to fall. On the brink of death and never dying."

Anko wouldn't say anything in response, just kept smiling.

"You were late during the meeting in Lab Five because you were struggling about whether you should take part in the case, weren't you?"

That fake smile stayed on her face. I stood beside her, gazing down at the dimness of the brown of her eyes, discovering that they had lost their depth altogether. "You were unsure because of Orochimaru's influence on you. But you wanted to fight it and help us. You badly needed to prove that he had no power over you. That's why you couldn't look at me directly during the meeting, and why you asked me if I would kill you out of necessity. You tried, but Orochimaru was too powerful. You became his tool to determine the progress of the case, and you fooled us into believing that it's somebody else. No, you're not the traitor – there's no traitor. There is only a girl who had no control over the curse mark that her former master put on her. And in the process, she has risked the entirety of the village she vowed to protect."

She squinted past my shoulders, and that was when her smile finally left. I glanced back and saw Shizune on a stretcher, holding her bleeding stomach. Kiba lay on Akamaru's back, unconscious, his face hidden in the reddened fur of his pet. TenTen lay on the back of a male medic. Another medic maintained pressure on her neck, which was a mixture of green, red, violet, and black. Neji followed…then Hinata…then Shino…

Anko gasped and lowered her head. She watched as my fingers gathered more chakra and sank deeper into her chest. Her mouth gaped wider and wider. I extracted my fingers. Anko closed her eyes. She fell on her knees.

I thought, then, that Shikaku never taught Shikamaru the real severity of the jutsu he used to kill deranged animals. He could not have killed Sakura with one blow to the heart; she would not have died a painless death. I flexed my fingers and struck Anko's spine.

The jutsu was designed to incapacitate not only the heart but also the brain. This way, she wouldn't even be able to ponder my humanity.

A medic sprinted to our direction. He skidded to the ground and halted beside Anko. Pressing two of his fingers beneath her jaw, he turned to me and declared that she was dead.

"I know," I said. "I killed her."

 **Shikaku:**

I could not run fast enough. The metal corridors of Laboratory Five gave no hint as to where it would turn and end. The light bulbs flickered overhead. Only my shadow on the wall assured me that I was still in motion, stilling running for my life, for the life of my son, for the life of the children who were on the border, for the life of every villager who lived in Konoha.

Darkness spread throughout the place. Grabbing the square knobs, I thrust the metal door open and stumbled inside the vast, metal-encased room we called The Cage.

In the centre of the room stood the Fifth Hokage, her robe torn and her hair free from their pigtails. Three ANBUs lay dead around her. Their masks were crushed and falling into the crater in the middle of their faces.

She rotated her head, rolled her shoulder, and turned to face me. "News, Shikaku?"

I lifted my eyes and saw the biggest mistake in the picture.

"Milady, where is Sai?"

She glanced once at the empty manacles that lay forgotten on the ground. "Go and have every able man in your team burn all files that has any relation to this case. Burn Kana and Ryo, too. We've reached the end, Shikaku. We have no choice but to surrender."

 **Shikamaru:**

I scrambled up the staircase with the pot of boiling water in my arms, welcoming the heat into my layers of clothing and cherishing the sting that spread across my stomach. This pain was better than all the other pain I had to endure.

"Shikamaru!" screamed Sakura.

The water spilled. I leapt over the puddle it left on the floor. "Coming!"

Inside the master's bedroom, horrifying sounds resonated. They reached me as far out the corridor as I was, and the knowledge that they came from Kurenai made me want to die of heart attack this instant. She was a kunoichi who had beheaded and dismembered countless enemies. She had toyed with people's minds day and night during missions, not once hinting that their sufferings were confined within her genjutsu and not in reality. That same woman who had made my master stammer was now moaning and growling in my grandparent's bedroom, sounding as though she was ready to bring forth chaos into the world.

"Shikamaru!" Sakura slammed the door open and poked her head out. "You have to be slow now of all times, don't you?"

I thrust the pot to her, grateful to get away from the hot steam that had flustered my face and softened my cheeks. "Any faster and I'd have come here with an empty pot!"

Kurenai shrieked and pressed her lips together, imprisoning her cries within her mouth. Sakura hastened to the middle of the room where Kurenai lay on a futon. Lowering the pot, Sakura pulled the blanket lower over Kurenai's legs and prodded them wider apart. "You can do this!" she cheered, reaching her hand to a place I was sure I would never want to see or think of anymore after this.

It horrified me realizing that all human beings came from a woman and all women were bound to suffer this fate. But it wasn't as much a realization as it was an acknowledgement. Sure, the Academy made it a point that we knew our mothers got pregnant and coughed us out of their bodies. Sure, we had heard about the agony of those nine months and the torture of labour. Seeing it unfold, however, was shocking beyond expectation. This was a thousand times more disturbing than Hidan's religious rituals or Kisame's absurd scales.

I clung to the doorframe.

Kurenai turned her head towards me. Sweat formed and dripped from her scalp, making her look like she just surfaced from a bathe in the river. She stretched her right arm towards me and muttered my name. I nearly fainted.

No. _Don't call me._

Sakura removed her boot and pitched it towards me, missing my face by an inch. "Shikamaru!"

Blindly, I waddled to the centre of the room, stopped beside the futon, and knelt. Kurenai snatched my hand and squeezed it like a sponge. The electric shock aroused by her strength made me glance down at her. She was nearly spitting each exhale, trying her best to suppress her screams and focus her energy instead on breathing faster and faster.

I wriggled my arm – the one with the hand she had incapacitated – hoping to capture her attention. "K-Kurenai, y-you-Ithinkyoushouldscream. Y-youshouldshoutasbadasyouwanttoandthepainwillgoaway!"

Kurenai winced, baring her teeth and tipping her head back over the pillow.

Sakura's gloved hands emerged, red and black and brown decorating her fingertips. She said they had only two centimetres to go. Two centimetres wider and the baby could safely be pushed out of the womb.

My throat dried. Two centimetres?

What the fuck?

"Kurenai, just go ahead and scream!" I encouraged.

"Do you know nothing about women in labour?" Sakura asked me after she made a litany of assurances to Kurenai.

"HowamIsupposetoknowanything?"

"It's shameful for women to show that they are in pain during labour!" she said. "It's a disgrace to their family!"

Kurenai was now bending my middle finger upward – a direction it was not designed to pursue. I screamed.

"But it's only us in this damned forest!" Sakura forced herself to grin. "It's okay for you to make all the noise you want if that will lessen your pain! Go on!"

I watched my middle finger stand upright. The rest of my fingers dangled, lifeless as withered twigs. Blood retreated from my face and awareness slipped from my grasp. My eyes absorbed Kurenai and her evil, red eyes. How wide could they possibly get? The closer I looked, the more quiet my surroundings became. Everything muted and slowed, as though time had decided it best to prolong my mental execution.

I imagined mum in a futon at home, pushing the baby out of her, cursing the day she met dad. I imagined they would have an altar made for me, and I also imagined that dad would take Yutsuki from mum and show her to me. He'd bring her fluffy, round face to my picture, and he would introduce me as her deceased older brother. He died for Konoha, he'd tell my baby sister. He died so she could live.

"Shikamaru, cut the umbilical cord now or I swear to my forefathers I'll castrate you the second my hands are free!"

I blinked. Reality smashed against my reveries, destroying them completely. The umbilical cord. What did that do again? Ah, nourishment and placenta and whatnot necessities a human being needed to grow. Crawling to Sakura, I made sure my eyes remained fixed solely on her face and nowhere else.

Her face. Black hair stuck to her forehead and her cheeks, and her nose glistened with each drop of sweat that slithered to the curves of her lovely face. Her deep breathing made her entire body rise and fall slightly with the effort. Noticing me stare, she smiled and bowed her head.

That was the first time I saw Asuma's baby. A shrivelled human with a head the size of Sakura's palm. Blood and faeces and liquid dirtied its grey skin. Slowly, as the babe took in air for the first time, it began to flush from blue to pink.

"It's a girl," Sakura cooed, showing her to me.

The baby stirred, opened one eye to look at me, and cried. I jolted, reached for my kunai, and cut the umbilical cord.

The floor quaked. I pulled Sakura to a one arm embrace, keeping a safe distance between us so as not to cram the baby. Kurenai stirred on the futon, inquiring of the situation outside. Another explosion shook the house.

I wrapped one arm around Sakura's head, pressing my cheek against her temple, and the other arm below the baby. As the blast died down, I felt her tears skate to my jaws. Sakura pulled away and grabbed a white cloth. Her tears fell on the baby, bullying it to cry some more. "What's happening?" she hissed.

"That ANBU should be keeping the forest's defence." My ears perked. I rose to my feet. "The deer are coming. They're coming. Sakura, stay with Kurenai and the baby. I have to go and check-"

Sakura grabbed my jacket, dragged me to her height, and caught my lips. The contact was light and urgent. Her fingers clutched my jacket and twisted it as the kiss deepened. She released me, wiping her eyes, and said that we'd make it through today. Alive. Together.

I closed my eyes for a moment and let her words register. Those three, quick seconds between the calm and the climax, before the horde of deer arrived at the halfway mark of the meadow, after the kiss that made my heart stop but did not kill me...those three seconds made me weak in the bones but strong enough in the gut to stand and march out into the snow.

I covered my mouth with my sleeve, quieting my coughs. The blizzard had appeased and the snow had stopped pouring. My knees were submerged in the snow as soon as I stepped out of the front door, and I could feel the water freezing my knees and the cold locking my joints. I could not see the deer properly from where I stood. I had to rely on the quiet of the forest and the impact of their presence to determine the forest's condition.

How many deer? Twenty two. Twenty six. Thirty? I turned around, sensing for the three chains of deer that were supposed to maintain the lodging's defences.

Once I was facing the meadow again, I had trouble accepting that those three chains had been broken without my sensing it much sooner. When had they broken? Where were the ANBUs?

The deer slowed to a halt. Male and female ducked their heads to the snow and lifted them again, keeping their necks exposed and their noses pointing upward.

This time, I couldn't stop the cough from escaping me. I turned around to face the house.

The baby had stopped crying.

Perhaps I had run. Perhaps I had flown like a bird. I couldn't tell what my body forced itself to do while I travelled across the corridor, climbed the stairs, and stumbled inside the master's bedroom. The next I truly opened my eyes, I saw Sai behind Sakura.

Sai behind Sakura with his arm around her neck.

Sai behind Sakura with his arm around her neck and his hand hoisting a kunai to her throat.

Sai behind Sakura and the baby discarded on the floor.

Sai behind Sakura. Kurenai crawling to her baby.

The stench of blood in the room accented the danger that had drenched us, but the ambiance retained a certain coolness that didn't belong here.

"Don't. Move." Sai shifted the kunai so the tip was pricking Sakura's flesh. "Try. I'll kill them all."

Sakura's pupils transferred from Sai's hand to the baby. She couldn't swallow without forcing the blade deeper into her throat. Trickles of blood flowed down the pale skin of her neck. "Sai – "

"Ryo." He folded his free arm across her waist. "I'm your husband. I'm here now. If only you stopped resisting me, we wouldn't be here, Kana. Nobody else had to die."

Sakura bit her lower lip and stretched her neck to avoid the kunai. She could barely keep herself stationary. "Ryo! Ryo, stop this. I'll go with you – "

"Sakura!"

"Shut up!" She screeched, glaring at me through her welling eyes. "Shut up! Do you think this is real? That Sakura is still alive? You've lost her the moment you allowed that woman to use the genjutsu on her!"

"Sakura, Sai is-!"

"You've already lost!" She put her hand above Sai's. "I was planning on taking the baby, you see. I was waiting for Ryo to rescue me. He promised he would. Every time. Now he's here, and none of you can do anything because we've won. Oh, don't look at me like that, Shikamaru. Are you disappointed that I kissed you out of whim and nothing _more?_ That I told you we'd make it through today _together_? That I said nothing _more?_ "

Amidst my growing fury, I heard what she had said. I loosened my grip on the doorknob, understanding the game now that she had made her first move. Sakura had purposely excluded the one word in that statement that summed up her entire act – that one word she told me after the kiss that gave me strength.

Alive. She was pretending to be Kana to keep Kurenai, the baby, and I, alive.

Kurenai lay on the ground, inching towards her baby, leaving a trail of blood from the futon to the leftmost corner of the room.

"Do you think I'd believe you so easily?" Sai said in Sakura's ear. "Do you think a few words against that man can make me believe you're truly Kana?"

Sakura clenched her jaws. Her trembling had stopped. She looked at me through the slit of her swollen eyes. "I'm all you have. You can either take me or leave me."

"I want you to prove yourself," he said. "You've betrayed me enough times, Kana, and had I not been in love with you, I'd have allowed you to die in the pond. I'd have killed this body you are inhabiting and I'd have hunted for Hiroshi afterwards. It's so easy for me, Kana."

Kurenai rolled on the floor and lay flat on her stomach, her left hand angled towards me and her right leg spread towards Sai. She extended her fingers to hold the cloth wrapped around her baby.

My insides burned with the attempt to emit chakra. The ANBU's seal on my torso itched, and it confirmed itself as the obstruction that prevented me from controlling my shadow. Biting my tongue until it bled, I managed to make the spikes on my shadow's head connect with Kurenai's ring finger.

The connection steadied. Kurenai's chin hit the floor, her eyelids drooping.

No. I couldn't tell her that she mustn't. She was sending all her chakra to me.

My shadow traced her outline and surged to the tip of her toe, barely a feet away from Sai's foot. His stance was awkward, and his ashen skin was glowing with bruise marks. The strange, grey tunic and khakis that dangled from his body did little to shield him from my forest's winter. What the Fifth had done to him, I could only guess, but it surely weakened him enough to be subdued by a simple shadow binding jutsu. Perhaps I would pour every drop of my remaining chakra into choking him. Could I bear it? This man...foreign and malevolent as he was now, could nonetheless be suppressing Sai. He could be struggling mentally as he was physically. To kill him meant to save the females in the room, but would doing so cost this case something? I didn't know enough to make a confident decision.

I observed Sakura's bearing, noting the slackness in the way her legs carried her weight and her elbows secured a gap between her spine and Sai's torso. She should have deduced his declining health and took advantage of it. She was strong enough, wasn't she?

Wasn't she?

Replaying her earlier proclamations, I asked myself if she truly was strong enough to take down the man behind her.

She wasn't. Kana couldn't.

Sai stepped forward, lugging Sakura with him. One more step, and the shadow of the cloth that Sakura held between her thumb and forefinger would come in contact with mine. Drop it, Sakura. Drop it!

"Kill the woman," Sai said. "And then kill the man."

"With-with what?"

"Your bare hands, my wife." He shoved her to the ground.

My heart battered my chest muscles. The lungs inside me cowered at the task at hand, withdrawing air as though to tell me that I couldn't push to my limit. I collapsed, barely catching myself. I watched my shadow shrink and retrace my figure on the floor, revealing to me the emptiness of our future, the futility of my attempts to add colour to it. Kurenai cringed. I had disappointed her effort.

Sakura lifted her fist and dropped it back to her lap. The cloth fell, finally. It was too late. The stiffness of her face was overcome by astonishment at the recognition of my human inadequacy. "You're right," she croaked, suddenly. "I'm not Kana. I'm just turning into Kana, and soon you'll have your wife. But now I'm still Sakura, and you're still Sai. You're still that quiet guy who saved Naruto from Sasuke and loved a friend named Shin and handed me an umbrella made of ink and called me ugly and – "

"Stop it!"

"Let Shikamaru leave with Kurenai and the baby!" Sakura produced a knife from her boot and pointed it at her injured throat. "Let them leave or I swear I will cut myself so deep that when my blood hits you, it will be Kana's blood you will feel!"

Sai frowned. Sai laughed and clapped his hands. "That's an interesting offer, girl, but I prefer to have you all dead when I leave."

"Check her back," I blurted. Lowering myself to the floor, I gestured to Sakura and said, "She has the same tattoo that Kana has on her. It's the proof of Kana's rebirth. Once it's complete, you'll know you have your wife back."

Sakura nodded at me.

I struck the floor with my fist. "Check her back!"

"Lift your clothes." Sai tugged at her jacket. "Go on. Let me see that tattoo."

Sakura rolled her clothes up and hunched low. Sai smiled. He grabbed a handful of her hair and towed her backward. "You, Shikamaru. Yes, you. Who else? Take the baby and walk out of the house."

"With Kurenai!" Sakura punched his foot, which was the only part of him she could properly aim at. "Take them both, Shikamaru!"

"Only the baby!" Sai stepped on Sakura's hand to stop her. Sakura winced. "Come back for the woman and see if she's still alive then," he said. "Go on. I'm counting and if I reach ten and you're not out of the house, I'll stab the woman and go after the baby."

In the middle of the room, Kurenai turned her head and let her temple hit the floor. She mouthed a word.

Go.

Her face scarcely held colour.

I clung to the door and put one hand above the other as I hauled myself up. Sai's expression retained no semblance to the man I used to know. He watched me scoop the unconscious baby in my arms. I pressed two of my fingers above her heart, and a faint heartbeat drummed against my touch. Opening my jacket, I hid her inside and stopped at the door.

"Don't look back," Sakura cried. "Just please...Shikamaru, go!"

The King, as Asuma once described the children. Sakura, Sai, and I were children once but it seemed so long ago. We had been sheltered and defended once. Now it was our turn to die for the new generation of kings. Sakura said it herself earlier – this was bigger than her and the rebirth case.

This was bigger than she and I would ever be.

This was okay.

The baby coiled herself around the hand I used to support her head.

One step forward. Drag your feet, Shikamaru. Another step.

Glass shattered from within the bedroom, immobilizing me on the staircase.

"No!"

Sai's voice. A collision.

"Kurenai!"

Sakura's voice. Bang. Wood crunching.

"Surrender!"

I turned around and staggered back inside the room, gawking at the scene that had unravelled in the entire minute I was away.

Sakura threw her body over Kurenai to cover her from the glass and wood shards hurled inwards by the shinobis crashing into the room. Shikaku squatted in the light's direction, his hands sustaining a seal, his shadow arresting Sai's independence.

Ayano Hyuuga swung from a tree branch and landed inside the gaping hole on the wall. She sprinted past Sakura and Kurenai while forming a jutsu. Two other ANBUs appeared to my left and to my right, executing the same jutsu. Understanding the elemental symbols of their hand formations, I uncovered the baby and held her out.

The stream of heat spilled from the three shinobis and overflowed around me. Progressively, the baby assumed a cerise complexion. She opened her mouth in what seemed like a yawn. Again, she peeked at me with one eye.

Ayano swept the babe from my arms and transferred her to the care of the male shinobi to my right.

The Fifth Hokage and her ANBUs surrounded Sai. Each one of them unfolded a scroll and threw it at him. Inoichi hefted Sakura off Kurenai and tossed her into the circle together with Sai. Ayano signalled for Kazuo and Isas to heave Kurenai away from the scene.

My mind could only take so much. Ayano pushed me against the wall and spread her arm across my chest, as though safeguarding me from further damage. "The reversal jutsu has to work," she said. "It has to!"

Flashes of blue and green light danced around Sakura and Sai. They lay on the floor, covered in the script that had emerged from the scrolls. The chakra level reached its climax, making half the people in the house flinch from the heat. Sakura crept to Sai's side. Sai lifted his head and found me.

There was a flicker of familiarity in his gaze - a trace of the real Sai. The Fifth unravelled another scroll into the circle, summoning a flare of white light to occupy the place, blinding me to what could have been my last encounter with my comrade.

I regained my sight when the radiance of igniting chakras waned. The house groaned. The reversal jutsu's stale odour drifted. A visual and auditory peace intruded the scene, and for several moments, we were precipitated with calm.

Was it over?

Had we defeated the rebirth?

I stepped forward. Ayano would not lower her arm. Shikaku walked straight towards me. Snatching my jacket, he pulled me to him and he said, "Run, son."

His words had not sunk in when I saw Lady Tsunade stab Sai with a dagger. She turned on her heel, lifted Sakura by the elbow, and stabbed her, too.


	38. Chapter Thirty-Seven

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Thirty – Seven**

 **Shikamaru**

Sakura lowered her chopsticks and stared at the noodles in her bowl. The beef drowned in the abundance of vegetables. She frowned. "I wonder if Naruto's figured out what medicine works best on his stomach."

"The classic stomach aches, huh?"

An elderly woman donning a green bandana and apron entered through the gap of the sliding doors and added a plate of sashimi on our table. "A special treat for helping us get rid of those nasty men this morning," she said, grinning a toothless grin.

I poked the sashimi with my chopsticks. "They're firm. Not like the lousy ones we normally get in other inns."

"It's delicious!" Sakura swallowed the rest of the sashimi. "This inn is a necessary stop-over on my next mission!"

Sai appeared on the window with his sketchbook and his bag pack, making the landlady scream. Without even a word of apology, Sai rounded the table and sat beside Sakura. I transferred beside the woman and apologized on my comrade's behalf, stammering an explanation that summarized Sai's lack of common courtesy and the shinobi's bad habit of entering establishments through windows. She seemed to understand because she lifted her hand, nodded, and took the platter of sashimi with her.

I thought her reaction was due to my terrible explanation until I saw that Sai was lying on the floor with blood dripping from his nose. Sakura flexed her fingers, returned to her seat, and picked up her chopsticks. "That's for scaring people _every time_ we're out on a mission! How many times have I told you to act as normal as possible? Seriously, you're no better than Naruto! If it had been him in this mission with me instead of Shikamaru, I'd be out of my mind by now!"

I ran my hand across my face. It was ironic that she thought she was losing her mind. She should put herself in my shoes sometimes. I was the one stuck in the company of a first class assassin who had not the slightest idea on casual human interaction and a brilliant medic who had anger management issues.

This was as troublesome as any mission could get. Sakura was right about one thing, though: had Naruto been here, I'd have went rogue after dinner.

"And you!" Sakura pointed her chopsticks at me. "You haven't read any of the books I lent you for this mission, have you? You're supposed to help me, Shikamaru! Didn't the Fifth make that clear? I can't investigate Kana Fujiwaka's disease without a capable assistant by my side!"

"Capable assistant?" I tossed a chunk of shrimp into my mouth. "I guess Lady Tsunade made a mistake in assigning me to this mission."

"If only you aren't as smart as you are, I'd have kicked you back to Konoha. I've really had it with men!"

"I've really had it with _women._ "

Sai sat up, pinching the bridge of his nose. He smiled at Sakura and me. "According to the book I'm reading, this is a sign of a good camaraderie. Go on, Shikamaru, let Sakura punch you. It simply means we're getting along well with each other in spite of our differences."

Sakura and I gawked at each other. I raised my eyebrow. "Who the fuck wrote that book?"

Sakura covered her mouth, trying to hide her grin. She shuddered. She exploded into manic laughter."Y-you-you really have to stop r-reading those b-b-books, Sai! It's only going t-to get you into trouble!"

I, too, laughed despite the eeriness of the matter. "Unless you want me dead, you'd spare me from this woman's fist."

"I think we make a good team," Sai said and proceeded to eat his dinner.

I transferred my gaze to Sakura, who only sighed and raised her hands in surrender. "Fine. I give up. You two are better than half the other men I've worked with."

"Sure." I shrugged and brought out a cigarette. "I won't have anything against working with the both of you in the near future."

Sakura scowled at me. "Stop smoking, Shikamaru. It's bad for your health. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

I stood and announced that I was going outside. I nudged the sliding door apart with my foot. Sakura hollered for me to wait. I looked back, eyebrows raised, wondering what she wanted to nag about this time. She blinked at me several times, pursed her lips, and said, "Smoking isn't the only way...nah. Forget about it. Sai! You've eaten all the food! Naruto isn't a good influence on you at all, I swear!"

She never knew that I stubbed the cigarette as soon as I closed the sliding door behind me. The wind carried away the ashes, leading me to ponder on Sakura's words. Smoking wasn't the only way? It didn't matter now. I could never demand the truth from her, nor could I ask for Sai's opinion on the matter.

They were both dead, and I only realized that I was in a dream after I stepped out of the door. Wood and paper acted as the veil between life and death. Soon, I would break that veil and cross over to their side.

Soon, but not soon enough.

Slashes of wind helped me regain sensation in my body. My arms slung over a broad surface, one that was rigid and soft at the same time. The sound of the river and the birds awakened my ears. I fell and rose in the air, like a bird that was uncertain if he truly wanted to catch the fish. Again. Again. This motion was familiar to me.

Through the haze of my barely open eyes, I saw the scenery of a forest pass me. Tree after tree after tree. Footfalls crunched the branches, announcing the presence of shinobis before and behind me. The impact of the wind against my face made it difficult to keep my eyes open. Wriggling my fingers, I bent my arm and clutched the neck of the person who was carrying me.

The neck craned sideways, and a voice said, "Now's not the time to choke me, Shikamaru."

I swallowed, moistening my dry throat. "K-Kaka...shi?"

A faint voice ahead of us asked if I was finally awake. Kakashi answered that I was still in a daze. I wouldn't be able to hold myself upright for a while. He told me to sleep again. I tapped his shoulder, faster and faster, begging for him to slow down and to bring me to the ground. Kakashi stressed that we couldn't stop. Not here – they were unsure if anybody was after us. But I felt sick, I insisted. My insides knotted and my airways tightened. Please, Kakashi. Put me down.

Another female voice – this time from behind us – persuaded Kakashi to descend by the river and to let me throw up. Kakashi leapt to a lower tree branch, lower and lower until we reached stable ground. I slid off his back, stumbled onto the gravel, caught myself and gave my body permission to eject whatever it was that it couldn't keep inside me anymore.

Kakashi slipped his arm around my stomach to keep me from collapsing. I leaned my weight on him. My limbs had never betrayed me like this before. Even my brain was repulsed by the idea of deducing our situation. Where were we? I didn't know. I didn't care.

"That's a lot of blood." A pair of white boots entered my field of vision. The girl knelt, revealing stark white khakis and a sleeveless shirt. Strands of long, black hair wafted to my face as the wind gushed at our group. She collected her hair in her hand and inquired of my awareness. Could I tell the number of fingers she was holding in front of my face?

Another woman appeared. She crouched beside Kakashi and dipped her forefinger in the pool of blood. "His condition is bad. His blood is bad. Girl, you are Ayano Hyuuga, right?"

Ayano jolted and stammered, "H-how did you know?"

"It doesn't matter. When we reach our destination, you will help me correct his blood circulation."

"Can we? It might be too painful for him –"

"We have to." She immersed her bloodied finger in the river, wiped it on her clothes, and pressed her hand above my heart. "He'll need a safe place to rest soon. Kakashi, are you strong enough to carry him out of the forest? We can switch if you're tired. "

"I'm capable." Kakashi heaved me by the armpits to sit, during which my eyelids had scrolled down and concealed the world in darkness once more.

Dream and nightmare alike refused to consume me. I sat in the darkness again, waiting for my soul to get in touch with my body and break the surface of this netherworld.

I didn't expect to see Asuma while stuck here. To be honest, he was the last person I wanted to see. What would I tell him? His baby was a beautiful girl with her father's brown skin and her mother's feline aura. She was a brave little thing, surviving both the cold and the strain she had been subjected to soon after her birth. Don't ask about anything else. You wouldn't want to know that Kurenai risked her life to help me assault Sai but I disappointed her and proved that I was a weakling. The trust she showed me in delivering her baby to safety was another matter I didn't want to discuss. If you should know something, though, it should be that I did my best.

There were just some things I couldn't do, even with an IQ of two hundred. In a logical perspective, the heart needed to beat in order to send blood to the brain. My heart was waving the white flag, Asuma. My brain could only go so far without its help.

I blinked. The darkness retreated, revealing an expanse of yellow-green ceiling overhead. Beneath my head rested a square pillow and over my body lay a rough quilt. I inhaled, forcing my lungs to expand to its limit, and exhaled. The room steadied, turning into a lucid image I could trust.

Footsteps. Nearing me. I lifted my head and saw an auburn haired girl carrying a tray of food. Heaving myself to my elbows, I slid sideways and demanded to know her identity.

She knelt beside my futon and put the tray on the floor. "Relax, Shikamaru. This is still me – Ayano Hyuuga."

"You're not fooling me!"

"These are contact lenses." She motioned to her eyes and then to her hair. "I had to colour my hair, too. You've been asleep for nearly fifteen hours since our escape from Konoha. I'm not surprised that your comprehension is slow."

I kicked the tray away from me. "That has poison!"

She closed her eyes and sighed. "Shikamaru Nara, we're comrades. We are trying to keep you alive."

"Enemy!" I screamed, scouring my strange clothing for kunais, shurikens, and smoke bombs. I kicked the floor until my back hit the wall. Gripping my hair and digging my fingernails into my scalp, I rummaged my memories for explanations.

The sliding door on the other side of the room parted and Kakashi entered with a woman. He asked what was happening. Ayano answered that I was still in shock, getting a feel of reality, acknowledging the facts of the situation.

The facts of the situation.

I pressed my torso against my thighs and screamed until I had no more breathe in me. Kakashi seized my shoulders, heaved me upwards and shook me. "Stop it! Stop it! We're in a foreign village – in an inn with people who are clueless that we are shinobis or that we come from Konoha. Unless you want to blow our cover and screw this up, you'll get your act together and let us explain the situation to you."

I swung my fist across his face. Kakashi stumbled backwards.

"She killed Sakura and Sai!" Crawling to him, I snatched his shirt and punched him again. "She fucking killed them! Both of them! Both Sakura and Sai!"

Ayano tackled me off Kakashi and pinned my limbs to the floor. "We had no choice! Calm down, will you?"

I kicked and wriggled and tried to surpass her strength, but in the end I was too weak even to spit on her. Her scent deluged my nose with the fragrance of tulips and sedatives – a scent that was too similar to Sakura's. My muscles throbbed and gradually slipped into calm.

The woman stepped around the futon and offered her hand to Kakashi. He grabbed it and allowed himself to be yanked to his feet. "Ayano's right, Shikamaru," he said. "We had no choice. The Fifth had no choice. It had to be done."

Ayano rolled off me.

The woman placed her fingers above Kakashi's swollen cheek. I took this interlude of silence to absorb her demeanour. The odd combination of the aloof and enigmatic aura she carried was familiar, and yet I couldn't pinpoint exactly how. Her orange kimono and tightly coiled hair was surely a costume designed to cheat the inspection of critical eyes. I was sure there were battle gears beneath that kimono and weapons inside the hanhaba obi. Who was she?

Kakashi pulled away from her touch, choosing to dismiss his injury for the time being. He glimpsed me from over his shoulder. "To clarify, Sakura and Sai aren't dead – not yet. They'll officially die in another two days."

"I don't understand."

"The jutsu is activated." The woman unbuttoned my tunic and hovered her hand above my stomach. Ayano peered in and inquired about the jutsu she placed on me. "What is it? I've never seen anything like it before."

"Nohara, is he in trouble again?" Kakashi asked.

The woman named Nohara straightened my tunic. "He's fine. His heart is functioning well. It's a special jutsu I designed to control the reservoir of chakra at the back of his heart – like a pacemaker. I knew from the moment I held that reservoir that it's the only thing keeping him alive. Once it runs out, he'll die."

Ayano rolled her eyes. "That's Sakura's work. I read her case study."

"We'll take turns replenishing his chakra supply."

"You're the ANBU," I said.

She managed a small smile. "A pleasure to meet you as myself, Shikamaru. Yes, I'm the ANBU."

"She's not dead yet." I searched for Kakashi in the room. He was now seated on the futon, adjusting the eye patch that replaced his forehead protector. "Kakashi, you said Sakura and Sai aren't dead yet."

"Not officially, Shikamaru. They are in a coma and the Fifth made certain that they won't recover from it."

"...What? W-why?"

"Shikaku interrogated a prisoner who so happened to be Hiroshi," he said. "Hiroshi confessed that the eight targets contained bombs meant to kill Orochimaru and Kabuto. Orochimaru was searching for the bodies of the people in Takeo's program because those people were used as guinea pigs to perfect the rebirth jutsu. The bombs exploded on our squad instead. Orochimaru was spared by the same traitor who made sure that Sakura was assigned to the mission concerning Kana's disease."

"W-who's the traitor?"

Kakashi glimpsed Nohara and, slowly, he released his breath. "Anko Mitarashi."

Nohara lowered her head. "And you killed her the second you confirmed it with her."

"You did?" asked Ayano.

"She was consumed by the curse mark."

"I don't understand the situation!" I dragged my body up to sit and I punched the floor. "What's happening? Are Kurenai and the baby alive? How about my father? What's happened to Inoichi and Shizune and Ino and Choji and -!"

"Konoha will be in a state of martial law." Kakashi folded his arms across his chest and looked me straight in the eyes. "You do understand that, don't you? Good. That's the latest progress in Konoha, meaning aside from the knowledge that we already have of the situation, we will have scarce update on what Danzo has in store for the Fifth and everyone who worked in the rebirth case. I'll explain the plan once so you better listen carefully, Shikamaru. Stop throwing tantrums because nothing will change the fact that this is happening."

"Start with the reversal jutsu," I hissed. "Please. I saw everything that happened in our forest lodging and I heard Ayano say that it was a reversal jutsu that the Fifth and her ANBUs were doing. If the only way to save Konoha from the consequences of the rebirth is by killing Sakura and Sai, why did they perform a rebirth jutsu on them?"

"The plan was to kill them. The Fifth used the reversal jutsu to weaken Kana and Ryo's willpower to live and then she stabbed them with a special dagger commonly used to damage the spine in order to put them in a coma. Their coma, however, is one that they will not wake up from. It will only make it look like the Hokage did try to stop Sakura and Sai from their treacherous intentions, only the unfortunate happens and the strain of the battle kills them." His stared at the door for a moment. He asked Ayano to keep guard. "We're safe here, but it never hurts to make sure. None of us are fit for battle."

"Of course." Ayano slipped on a jacket and left the room.

Nohara offered me the cup of tea from the tray. "You have to put something in your stomach. This will be a lengthy discussion."

"I-I can't." I folded my knees up and hugged them. "I need to know everything now. Accidentally killing Sakura and Sai?"

"The Hokage will be interrogated, as well as Shikaku and Inoichi. Their entire staff will be imprisoned. The ANBUs will be subjected to their own procedures. Danzo will attempt to have Tsunade, Shikaku, and Inoichi executed in secret but he won't be able to convict them without first proving to the council that Sakura and Sai are truly experiencing a rebirth."

Nohara snatched my hands and wrapped them around the teacup. "Sakura Haruno, Sai, and Shikamaru Nara were rescued from a mission that involved students from Takeo's program. Kana and Ryo planned to lure them into joining their cause – to serve Konoha in secret and through ways that had been made illegal by the Fourth Hokage. They wanted to build a place for outcastes and prove themselves to Konoha. Shikamaru wouldn't give in, but Sai did, being enticed with Takeo's program and its aspirations. Sakura wanted to join because she wants Sasuke to have a place to belong to. Kakashi Hatake came to their rescue in the mountains and saved them from Kana and Ryo."

"Sakura, Sai, and Shikamaru were in Intensive Care for one week after their rescue. Shikamaru, Sakura, and Sai couldn't remember what happened to them. The Fifth hid them in the Nara forest lodging to safeguard them from the traitors involved in Takeo's program. She commissioned them to unravel the contents of the enemy's scrolls to help Shikaku Nara and Inoichi Yamanaka in understanding the operations of Takeo's program. However, the exposure to Kana and Ryo's plans led Sakura to remember the events of the mission and she tried to kill Shikamaru. Sai, too, pursued the notion of joining Takeo's program and attacked Shikamaru. They didn't know that all along, Kakashi and the Fifth had suspected something like that would happen and they had warned Shikamaru about it beforehand. Shikamaru contributed to the plan to reveal whether Sakura and Sai had turned into traitors. Once it was confirmed, he sent a signal to Kakashi Hatake for reinforcements. Kakashi rescued him and the Fifth attacked Sakura and Sai and gravely injured them."

"What are you saying –"

"That is the report I will disclose to my superiors once we are back in Konoha. I assisted Kakashi Hatake in pursuing Shikamaru immediately after the Hokage has disabled the traitors."

"In a couple of days, once Sakura and Sai are confirmed dead, Kakashi will hand over Shikamaru to Konoha. Shikamaru will tell them that he returned to the cave to see the truth for himself. He burned the evidence of Takeo's program and will surrender himself along with Takeo's mask to demonstrate his loyalty to Konoha. He will be interrogated, and he will refute anything related to the rebirth case. There was no rebirth, only treason."

I dropped the teacup. The tea spilled over my toes. The heat stung.

"Let him rest." Kakashi tossed the pillow to Nohara. She handed it to me.

"It never happened." I watched the tea trace the grooves on the futon. "The rebirth case never happened. Danzo misunderstood the situation and the council will castigate him instead of the Fifth."

"That is the plan," said Nohara.

"Why did she perform the reversal jutsu? The Fifth won't do it simply to weaken Kana and Ryo if she's going to put the vessels in a comma anyway! Do you think that my fucking heart condition has made me stupid already? What was the reversal jutsu for, Kakashi?"

"For the smallest chance that Sakura and Sai won't die!" He buried his face in his right hand. Veins protruded from his exposed neck. There was dried blood smeared from his nape to his collarbones, a miniscule detail that he probably failed to notice. "I wasn't planning on telling you because it will give you hope that your friends can still survive – "

"Your student!" I said. "Your teammate!"

"I want them alive." He hunched low, and his tired eyes settled on the spilled tea. "But if they live, Lady Tsunade, Shikaku, Inoichi, Shizune, Kazuo, Isas, Neji, Ino, Kiba, Hinata, Shino, TenTen, Lee, Choji, and the best of both the Intelligence Division and the Medical Division will be executed. A dozen clans will go on an outrage for the murder of their relatives and Konoha will ruin itself in front of Orochimaru. Once the strong have killed the weak, and the weak have sacrificed everything they have, Konoha will be trounced by whichever village Orochimaru sees fit to take over us. He'll rebuild Konoha under his own terms...you won't even want to consider Naruto in the equation. The Kyuubi with a snake around its neck is an image of world destruction."

Nohara clutched my jaws and turned my head. The nearness of her face allowed me to bask in the warmth of her skin. The austerity of her gaze drowned me in the reality of the danger they had communicated to me. "You have to live, do you understand? I can die. Kakashi can die. Ayano can die. Sakura can die. Sai can die. You can't. It will be your testimony that will put an end to this. You can't give up now."

They let me return to sleep afterwards. Ayano came back from her shift as sentry and took Nohara's place beside me. She woke me on an hourly basis to feed me with homemade capsules and special tea. This routine spared me from reminiscing on our discussion...or on the image of Lady Tsunade's dagger in Sakura's body. Five cups of tea and seven capsules later, I finally regained my strength. I wasn't as strong as before my heart condition surfaced, but I felt that I could stand now.

Ayano helped me sit. I scanned the room and inquired about Kakashi and Nohara's whereabouts. Ayano produced a paper bag containing scissors, hair dye, and contact lenses. "Nohara just finished transforming Kakashi to a common traveller. I'm tasked to alter your appearance as soon as you are strong enough to walk to the bathroom. Can you? Stand and walk, I mean?"

"You worked with Sakura, didn't you?"

Her expression hardened. "Yes, but I'm under Miss Shizune. I never liked Sakura."

"I was going to ask your opinion about the case but – "

"My not liking her doesn't mean I don't care that she's dead." Ayano sealed the paper bag once more and lowered it to her lap. "I'm sorry if I lack the sympathy you must surely be searching for...or expecting from me, especially since I'm a girl. But you see, we from the Hyuuga clan are raised under strict terms. The clock means more to us than it does to any other clan in the Fire Country. We are embedded with the principle that there is a right time for everything. Tonight or any of the succeeding nights we spend in exile from our village is not the right time to mourn. You might be thinking that I cannot possibly grasp the enormity of your suffering – I am aware that you have romantic feelings for Sakura and that she reciprocates them – but I do. I have been engaged to Neji Hyuuga for two years, and I am bound to marry him on my eighteenth birthday. Our last conversation was composed of bitter words, and I had not spoken to him at all since. Kakashi told me earlier that he saw Neji being carried to the hospital with blood spilling from his eyes. I intentionally made him hate me, and I honestly prefer that he continue to hate me, but despite the strain in our relationship, I wish him no mortal harm."

I couldn't help but gape. Sakura had told me stories of her experiences working with Ayano. All of them implied that she lacked compassion for her patients and put her career above everything. She was the type to address a stranger in a manner that befitted her first impression of him, and she'd have no regrets whatsoever in doing so. Aside from her name, I couldn't quite picture this girl to be as cold as Sakura painted her to be.

The tightness of her fists led me to ask her reason for confessing these to me.

She tipped her head to the side and raised her eyes to the ceiling, restraining her tears. "In the event that I have to sacrifice my life for the success of this mission, I wanted someone to tell Neji that I cared... even the slightest. Will that be too much to ask of you?"

"No," I said. "No. Not at all."

"Thank you. If you are not confident in your strength yet, I can cut your hair here."

"Yeah, that would be nice."

Ayano spread a towel beside the futon and ordered me to sit with my back turned to her. She then encircled her fingers around my hair and announced that she had to cut it. I touched the rubber bands. Dad's was still tangled over mine. I took a deep breath and pulled it off. "Go ahead," I said. "Cut it."

The scissors sliced through the thickness of my hair. Each hack subtracted a significant portion of my identity, being a Nara who had practiced stern rituals in fashioning this traditional hairdo. Contrary to other clan customs, it was Shikaku alone who had the right to cut my hair. I was the heir apparent, and my bearing should be a reflection of dad's.

What would Shikaku do if he was in my place?

I pinched my nose bridge to ward off this thought. "Arranged marriages are still customary for the Hyuuga's, it seems."

"I don't appreciate you probing the details of my personal life, but if it will help you sustain your composure, then I suppose I have no choice." She handed me my hair. "Keep it if you wish. And arrange marriages are only customary to those who belong to the inner circle of the main family. Not every Hyuuga is subjected to it."

"What branch of the family do you belong to?"

"Secondary. My mother is the older sister of Neji's mother's first cousin."

"You're cousins?"

"It isn't extraordinary."

"I bet your mother is worried sick for you," I mumbled, fiddling through the hair in my hands. "I'm sorry, Ayano. This is my fault."

She snipped my sideburns and laughed. "If she was alive, she'd prefer to have me out of her sight."

"No mother wants her child gone indefinitely."

"My mother does." She transferred in front of me and brushed my hair over my forehead. "I don't fancy telling people stories of her since there're not much to tell anyway...all you have to know is that she committed suicide when I was three years old. I assume this is the end of our conversation."

I evaded the scissors, which startled her. "Is...is your mother Aiko Hyuuga?"

Ayano plopped on the futon. "Unfortunately, yes. Are we done talking about me?"

I ran my hand through my hair. My mind could not form a suitable reply to this girl. "Yeah. We're done talking about you. We're done. And...Ayano? You don't have to die for me. Survive if you can."

"I'm not going to die for you, Shikamaru." She slapped my hand away from my hair and brushed my bangs again. Her scissors hacked several strands. "I'm going to die for Konoha, if need be, and you're going to live long enough for Konoha. We are air compared to the weight of an entire village."

"Air, huh?"

"It's Konoha that should be our priority. Our death and our loss mean nothing compared to the possibility of Konoha's doom under Danzo and against Orochimaru. When it comes down to it, you can't choose Sakura or Sai or Neji over Konoha. That's what being a shinobi means. That was what Kakashi proved when he killed Anko."

I peered up at her expressionless facade. "Were they...?"

"We, medics, know more than we should," she said, swiping her thumb across my forehead to clear it of hair. "Everything in this case went wrong and I wanted to cave in. Give up. Quit. But then I discovered what Kakashi did, I can't even begin to think of giving up. At the end of the day, it's all Konoha and nothing of us. Nothing until we're empty. Are you prepared for that, Shikamaru?"

The sliding door moved behind us. We looked back to see Kakashi and Nohara enter with plastic bags. They stopped to stare at me. They shared a glance. Nohara smiled. "That's good work, Ayano. I hardly recognize him. Are you better, Shikamaru?"

There was something amiss about her. Without the mask and the battle outfit, she was just a common woman – a woman filled with kindness and sincerity. I still did not think I could trust her. "Better, I think."

Kakashi, now black-haired and green-eyed, put the plastic bags on the table and sat on the chair. "Eat. We'll be travelling to my friend's house at dawn. I can't carry you through another forest."

"Sure."

Nohara sat opposite Kakashi, hefted his right foot to her lap and plucked off his boot. Kakashi removed the containers from the plastic and set them around the table. Nohara unwound the bandages on his ankle and scowled. Kakashi transferred all the peas from her food to his and slid the plate towards her. Nohara poured the milk from the carton to a glass and gave it to him. Kakashi said he almost forgot that he bought her strawberries. It was to show his gratitude for doing him a favour. Nohara frowned at it and offered it to Ayano. Did I want some too?

"You two have known each other for a long time," I said.

Kakashi and Nohara turned their heads simultaneously to my direction. She merely smiled and resumed healing his ankle.

Ayano tossed a strawberry into her mouth as she found her place around the table. I limped towards them and chose to sit beside Kakashi. Nobody talked. The silence weighed down on me. I cleared my throat and said, "Kakashi, I'm sorry for punching you. You didn't deserve it."

He finished his glass of milk. "It won't be the first time somebody's did that to me."

Nohara stopped from emitting chakra to Kakashi's ankle. She transferred his foot to her chair. She hastened to the window and opened it. Stepping on the ledge, she swung her right arm in the air.

Ayano stood, alarmed by the other woman's ability to move within the constraints of her kimono. Nevertheless, Nohara descended to the floor with utter grace and released a carrier pigeon into the evening sky. She broke the scroll's seal and opened it.

Kakashi finally turned to see her. "What does our friend say?"

She performed a simple hand formation and released her chakra into the scroll, burning it within a matter of seconds. The ashes drifted with the wind, similar to how the ashes in my dream were blown away.

"Danzo managed to save Sai from the full impact of the coma while Sakura is still in surgery," she said. "Sai will wake up within thirty-seven hours, and Sakura, too, if she survives. Konoha is currently in martial law. The elders have permitted the investigation on the Fifth. Seven squads have been deployed to hunt down Shikamaru Nara and Kakashi Hatake. This has to end." She paused to look out the window. "I'm returning to Konoha to kill Sakura and Sai."


	39. Chapter Thirty-Eight

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Thirty - Eight**

 **Neji / Kakashi**

 **Neji:**

What did father use to say about bright lights?

Ah. Yes, they were a sign of hope. In my head I was a little boy again, gazing up at the expanse of darkness above me, absorbing the spectacle of constellations, hunting for the brightest of them all. Whenever I felt alone, father said I only had to find the brightest star in order to revive hope.

There were no stars tonight. If there were, I couldn't see them through the ceiling. There were, however, bright lights around me caused by particles of chakra colliding and igniting. I could not tell if it was safe to classify this light as hope. Should I fool myself this one time?

The floor beneath my body heated up and consumed every inch of my bare skin. The medics who surrounded me muttered to each other. Their fingers were clasped in an unusual formation. I decided against contemplating their methods. After all, medics manipulated ninjutsus in a manner totally anomalous to other shinobis. I was certain, however, that whatever they were doing was meant to save me.

I blinked as the ceiling turned alive with the dancing of claw-like shadows cast by the ninjutsu. Another flash of light emerged, this time tracing the outline of my body so that I could see my silhouette on the ceiling. I blinked again and realized two things.

First, there was another body lying opposite mine. The silhouette's figure suggested the person was female.

Second was the discomfort in my face. I groaned as I lifted my hand and put it over my left eye. Realization was the principal step to acknowledgement, nurses always said to severely injured shinobis. My fingers traced the folds skin over my left eye, at the grooves that were not there before but were here now.

No. I could see nothing with my left eye. Was my eye even there?

The woman opposite me screamed.

I reached upward, submerging my hand in the woman's hair. "Hinata!"

She kept on screaming. The medics released the jutsu. The man whom I recognized as Kazuo injected her with what could only be a sedative. A woman rushed to her with a white robe. Isas crouched to my right and dropped a similar robe over my body. He must have recognized the horror in my expression because he nodded and whispered that Hinata was safe.

Before I could demand a reason for her fright, Lady Tsunade entered the circle, subsequently silencing the entire room. Even I, sick and panicked as I was, could not bring myself to voice the questions grilling in my head. Perhaps her appearance played a factor in our mutual response to her presence. The hostility of her ambiance wasn't the totality of it – not at all. It was the thinness of her arms and the wrinkles on her forehead and the sagging skin around her neck.

To me, however, it was the slow unravelling of the loneliness in her amber eyes that turned me into a mute.

Inquiries about my and Hinata's health abandoned me. Had something worse happened in Konoha? Had any one of my teammates died? Was she here to blame me?

I would gladly take the blame, Lady Tsunade. I saw the bombs inside the bodies, but I had not responded quickly enough. I wasn't good enough. I could recount to you how Lee had grabbed TenTen by the hair and pulled her away from the target, how TenTen had stumbled only a few feet backwards before the explosion occurred, and how Lee had used his body to shield her. I could recount to you in perfect detail how Shino formed a wall of insects to cover Kiba, Hinata, and Akamaru, and how that wall burned and fell.

No, Fifth, Hinata had no fault in this. She had sensed trouble beforehand but I dismissed her because her eyes were overworked. There was a chance that her Byakugan was feeding her defective images.

She could leave the area's inspection to me, I had told her. She had trusted me. I had failed her.

Or was Lady Tsunade here to punish me for Miss Shizune's demise? Nobody in her position could have survived the explosion. She was two feet too near the target – five seconds too late in reacting to the explosion.

Lady Tsunade's fingers over my left eye jolted me back to the present, making me aware once more of her loneliness. "You did good both in finding the targets and surviving the treatment. Don't worry now. I've got everything under control."

"H-Hin…Hinata?"

She glanced at the farther end of the room. "They're taking her to the containment area. Every one of you will be kept in the containment area for the duration of the enquiry regarding the bombs and Takeo's program."

I pushed the right side of my body upwards and reached for her forearm. "Lady Ts-Tsunade…why was Hinata screaming? Tell me."

"She's blind."

I blinked at her face, wishing that its impassiveness would pass and she would smile and say that this was a big joke. She joked sometimes, didn't she?

Lady Tsunade wrapped her bony fingers around my wrist. "She may regain her sight with continuous treatment. Her case is common to Hyuugas who have been exposed to flares of light. Her eyes were particularly exhausted; hence the impact of the explosion – "

"I told her to deactivate her Byakugan," I blurted. "She wasn't using it."

"She was, Neji." The Fifth pulled the robe over my right shoulder. "Hinata was searching for you and the others at the climax of the explosion. They delivered her to the emergency room with her Byakugan still active. I came in time to ease it back before her blindness could become permanent. Yours is a different case entirely, though."

I lowered myself back to the floor. The ceiling was blank now. "Mine's permanent."

"I can find a way, Neji."

"You have no time. There's not enough time to save everyone." Turning my head towards her, I swallowed the morsels of dread lingering on my tongue and asked the one selfless question I could still manage to ask. "Lady Tsunade, is there still hope for Sakura and Sai?"

She motioned for Isas to hand her a bottle of morphine. She warned that Nanami was preparing to probe the veins of my left eye as soon as I reached my containment chamber and that it would hurt. Filling the syringe with morphine, she lifted my arm and injected me. "Sakura and Sai are traitors. They chose to side with Takeo and his stupid program. Or do you believe Danzo's claim that there was a rebirth case we were withholding from Konoha?"

I touched my forehead. "A dream. I had this dream that…"

"A dream that Inoichi had taken you to a room and conversed with you about my plans?" She withdrew the needle from my flesh and whispered, "All of you had that dream. Now, I'm asking you again – do you believe Danzo's claim that there was a rebirth case we are withholding from Konoha?"

A certain peace descended over me. Was this the drug's fault, or was this assurance that she did have things under control regardless of the opposition? I chuckled and said, "What rebirth case, Lady Tsunade?"

 **Kakashi:**

I stood tall in front of her. She looked up at me with the same sincerity and innocence from our childhood. Nonetheless, I couldn't deny that there were slight differences to her gaze now. She held a certain strength – an edge – that told me she wouldn't take no for an answer. It was almost sharp, the knowledge that we had grown up and I could no longer dictate our course of action just because I was the stronger shinobi. Gone were the days when I still had the chance to protect her from every hint of danger that crossed her path.

And yet I couldn't – wouldn't – accept this.

"It's stupid," I told her, disregarding the fact that Shikamaru and Ayano were present to hear me waver.

Nohara breathed deep, an indication that she was desperate to maintain her calm. "It's necessary."

"You're going to walk into Konoha and be subjected to torture. Danzo will know our location through you." I turned my back on her and sat on my chair. The pork strips on my plate had lost their appeal. "Besides, the Fifth and the rest of them will already be thinking of doing exactly that – killing Sakura and Sai. It will be easier for them to accomplish that task despite the possible restraints on their movements. They are not yet convicted. They'll find a way to kill the vessels before they can be used against our team."

The existing tension between us could not be quenched by the silence that followed. I ignored my throbbing ankle and continued the argument in my head. There was no better way of defeating Nohara in a debate other than ending it quickly. Let it go on for too long and she would exhaust my mind of all sensible reason to stay on track with this mission.

Shikamaru scraped his chair back and turned to face me, his hands clutching his knees. "She makes sense, Kakashi. Danzo would have made sure that everyone involved in the case are well restrained from any form of contact with Sakura and Sai."

I couldn't help but glimpse this boy. When Nohara declared her plan, I had prepared myself to suppress another one of his tantrums. It was not that his trauma was unjustified. He was a shinobi but an inexperienced one - perhaps too inexperienced to handle the rebirth case with the equanimity he now projected. Did Shikamaru have an ulterior motive for supporting Nohara?

"You don't understand what she means." I leaned on the backrest and folded my arms across my chest. Better to put the strength of my fist in my own body. "She plans to go on a suicide mission."

Ayano dropped the strawberry on her bowl of soup. "What?"

"I will claim to be a member of Takeo's program, kill Sakura and Sai, attack either Shikaku or Inoichi to display aggression, allow myself to be caught and later be executed. I will say that their deaths are payment for ruining Takeo's vision for the program," she said. "My sacrifice will support Shiikamaru's succeeding attempt to disprove Danzo's claim that a rebirth case existed."

Shikamaru stood. "You're taking my place as witness?"

"You are producing only three percent of the minimum chakra requirement for your body type, Shikamaru." She paused, reached for his shoulder and squeezed it. "There's little chance you'll make it back to Konoha alive, what with this development in our endeavour. I'm sorry. If Sakura and Sai won't die soon, you will be taking half of my chakra, half of Ayano's chakra, and half of Kakashi's chakra to keep breathing...every single day. There are seven squads in pursuit of us now. We'll not even be able to retreat unwounded from a battle with our current condition. The sooner Sakura and Sai are gone, the sooner you can come home and strengthen the claim that there really is no rebirth case. You understand, don't you? I need to pave the way for you. After I die, all you have to do is get back to Konoha."

"I can give him all my chakra and keep my energy up through supplements like pills and..." Ayano lowered her head in her hands, hiding her face through her hair. "Nobody else has to die. You can kill Sakura and Sai without having to die. Shikamaru can immediately return to Konoha and... _we can do this the right way!"_

"My capture will be inevitable, Ayano."

"You're ANBU!"

Nohara made no response. I continued staring blankly at the door ahead, attempting to conceive a plan that obliged no further sacrifice while there was time to stop her.

"You're right, Ayano," Nohara said, at last. "I'm _just_ ANBU."

"And what happens if you are caught before you reach your targets?" I asked. "They will be placed in separate chambers for sure. Danzo is a careful man. He'll have members of Root posed as medics and other personnel to disguise the weight of the security measures he assigned to them."

"I'll prioritize Sai. He's the one suffering from the near completion of Ryo's rebirth."

"His death will be useless if Sakura lives."

"That's why the plan is to kill both of them, Kakashi."

"You'll be dead or bleeding to death by the time you're finished with Sai."

"You don't trust me, do you?"

"They're Root, Nohara."

"I know the enemy, Kakashi."

"You're not strong enough to take them down by yourself."

"I'm sorry but we don't have the option of having a shinobi of your rank to defend me left and right."

I rose from the chair and planted my feet on the floor, mustering enough calm to remain stationary. The familiarity of the ambiance in this room choked me. It held Anko's presence from when we were on the rooftop, gauging unspoken thoughts and stealing assurances from tacit implications. I had not told Anko that I would take her life if I had to. The similarity of this moment was demolishing my sanity, and yet I could not let that fact show. I had to be logical about this. "Danzo might not execute you, Nohara," I said. "He might see through your act and torture you until you disclose our location."

She frowned. "I'm not exactly cooperative despite genjutsus and other forms of manipulation. I'm surprised you forgot that the shinobis from the Rock received not a word from me even when I was only a girl-."

"We're talking about Danzo, Nohara. Danzo makes and breaks the best – "

" –then I will shatter!" She sucked in a lungful of air and exhaled slowly, allowing the blow of her exclamation subside before adding, "I will shatter, but at least I've fulfilled my duty. Don't be like this now, Kakashi. I have no choice. You don't have a choice. Nobody here has a choice. We don't have a coherent idea of the Hokage's next moves. This is the best we can do at the moment."

I grabbed her kimono and pulled her towards me. Once face-to-face, I told her that she was not going anywhere. She was not going to take this risk. We could formulate a plan that guaranteed success. Nohara, listen to me.

She only pressed her lips together and looked the other way.

"Stop it!" Shikamaru inserted himself between us and shoved me. "We won't solve anything by –"

He stopped, suddenly, as though he was a clock that had run out of battery. Nohara gasped and inserted her hand beneath his jacket to feel for the seal she had placed on him. Shikamaru yanked away, stumbling to the floor in the process. I caught his elbow in time to lessen the impact of his fall.

"What's wrong?" Ayano hastened to him and felt his forehead. "You're hot!"

"No, no, it's nothing." He waved off Ayano and Nohara's inquiries. "I-it's not my heart. A-actually it is, but not exactly. It's the case study – Sakura's case study! Yes, it will work. You don't have to make a move to kill Sakura and Sai unless completely necessary, Nohara. There's a better way to hinder Danzo from compromising the Fifth's governance without having to kill Sakura and Sai just yet. We can buy time to coordinate with the Hokage once more and perhaps...perhaps save Sakura and Sai...even from being branded as traitors."

I knelt beside him. "What are you talking about, Shikamaru?"

A touch of life permeated the paleness of his face. Something in his smirk told me I had underestimated Shikaku's son.

"Kakashi, we're going to Suna."

 **Neji:**

I sat on the foot of my bed, watching as Hinata fiddled with the tube inserted to her nostrils. Her chest rose and fell in long intervals, making me wonder if she had trouble breathing in spite of the machineries they had attached to her.

"It's black," she said.

"What is?"

"The world." She turned her head towards me and opened her hand. "You're there, aren't you, Neji?"

I stared at her wrist instead of her hand because that was the only part of her limb that incurred the least damage. That stretch of skin preceding her palm was no longer white, but at least it wasn't completely burnt. In three minutes, a female medic would walk into our chamber and apply a fresh layer of ointment on her skin.

I dipped my fingertip on her wrist, wanting her to feel me without hurting her further. "I'm here, Hinata. I'm not leaving you."

Her lips curved upward, but the result was not a smile. It was not a smile if there was no happiness behind it. It always bothered me that she could put up that facade even with the gravity of her injuries. Was that strength? Was that the strength that persuaded destiny to hail her as the heir apparent to the Hyuuga Clan? If so, I now understood the totality of my loyalty to her. She could be strong in ways I could never be, and somehow that gave me reason to hope.

Maybe there was still hope for Konoha.

"Father will be worried..." She coughed. Saliva spilled from the corners of her mouth. "...worried for both you and me."

I dabbed her mouth with the cuff of my robe. "Lady Tsunade assured me that your condition is not permanent. She's working on restoring your sight."

Hinata clutched my elbow, keeping me close to her. The ease in her expression vanished, replaced completely by intelligent attention. "Neji, I had a dream. I was talking to-"

"We all had that dream." I continued to wipe her mouth in case there were eavesdroppers we couldn't see or sense. Perhaps her blindness had heightened her other senses; hence she could easily recognize the ghost of Danzo's henchmen – ghosts that I had failed to notice by myself. "Sometimes, dear cousin," I said, "our dreams are true."

Her lips parted and her eyebrows raised high on her forehead.

I returned to my bed, satisfied with her reaction. "Do you have any idea what Danzo is accusing the Fifth Hokage of?"

"Not at all. What could it be?"

"I think there are people who are weaving lies about the incident at the border."

The chakra of the medic behind the chamber's division was subtle but not subtle enough for a Hyuuga to miss. I rubbed the length of my thigh, pretending to be occupied with the itching of my burns. "I heard one of the guards mentioning that the Fifth was performing research on a forbidden jutsu – a rebirth jutsu."

"A rebirth?" Hinata gasped. "Lady Tsunade would never! How can they suspect her of that?"

The medic stepped past the division, carrying two metal trays of food. She placed them on the table opposite our beds while inquiring of our health. Were we feeling better? Was the burn on my right leg itchy?

I regarded her appearance. Stiff shoulders, placid face, cautious strides...Root, I concluded.

The medic sat on the stool between our beds and warned Hinata that she was going to apply a stronger ointment on her burns to ease the pain. Next, she was going to inject her temples with a new drug in order to prevent her Byakugan from activating on its own.

I noted the gentle movements of her fingers while rolling up Hinata's left sleeve. "Are you a specialist?" I asked.

She produced a slender glass bottle from her lab coat and uncapped it. "It's unlikely that you've seen me before, Neji. I often work in the field. I know that's what you intend to find out."

"With ANBU or with Root?"

Her fingers came in contact with Hinata's forearm and refused to spread the ointment. She looked at me through the corner of her eye, a frown threatening to overcome her lips. "Why do you ask?"

"I'm guessing you're from Root. The tattoo on your arm is different from that of ANBUs."

"You shouldn't be using your Byakugan on me. Do you want to be blinded like your cousin?"

"She'll heal just fine," I said. "So will I. The Fifth guaranteed our recovery. When is she due to visit us? She is supposed to elaborate on the rehabilitation program she plans to put us in."

There was no way Root would harm us, I told myself. Their targets were only the main players in this game and until the incident at the border, Hinata had no connection to the rebirth case whatsoever. The more I probed our situation, the more they would think that we were truly clueless of the rebirth case. Would they resort to impair Hinata if ever they decided that my reaction to their treatment was causing them inconvenience? No, of course not. Her position as heir apparent would make them think twice before pointing a blade in her direction.

Hinata blinked several times, as though forcing her eyes to see. "I agree. Her immediate visit would be valuable to Neji and me, miss."

The medic rubbed the ointment along Hinata's arm. "Her job is done with the lot of you. She's got her hands full as the Hokage. You are now under the care of... _specialists_ like myself while you are in the containment area."

Cold air swept into the room. I shuddered and turned towards the division. Behind it...there was something behind it. Pressing my feet on the linoleum, I straightened my legs and limped along the bed as I made my way to the division. I waited but the medic neither said nor did anything to stop me.

She merely injected Hinata's temples and explained that the drug would put her to sleep. It would be unhealthy for Hinata to fight its effects. Go to sleep now.

I grabbed the cloth and flung it aside. I saw a man. I saw bandages wrapped around his forehead and over his right eye. The dullness of his grey robe helped in concealing his form in the gloom of the nurse's station. His cane made clicking noises on the floor as he turned to face me. "I asked my medical team specifically about you," he said. "They reported that you were badly burned."

"Mostly second degree burns." I leaned on the wall to support my weight. The chill in the air relieved the itching inside and outside my body.

"How's your eye?"

"...The darkness is kinder than the images I had witnessed at the border."

The medic crossed the division and passed by me without a word or a glance. She bowed at Danzo and exited the room. I scowled at the closed door. If she had harmed Hinata while I was not looking, she would pay for it with her life.

Danzo's gaze weakened me. He said, "You're no better than Shizune and Yamato and Ino Yamanaka. The three of you have been actively participating in the rebirth case from the beginning. Did you not think that by denying this case from Konoha, you are actually betraying it?"

"I can't imagine what fictional intel led you to suspect a rebirth case, sir. With all due respect – "

"And with all due regard to your family name, you will confess the truth now and prove yourself an ally to this village."

My nails scraped the wall as they coiled inwards to form a fist. Danzo approached upon confirming my inferior position in our discourse. His pace was slow but meaningful, his air gentle but crushing. "Tsunade used your Byakugan to determine the progress of Ryo's rebirth in Sai and Kana's rebirth in Sakura Haruno. She used you as she would use a kunai in battle to wound an enemy and gain the advantage – the ultimate key to survival. This survival she fought for, however, was not for Konoha. This was for her selfish intent to redress her sins. I am certain you've never heard of a boy named Akiyoshi, or a case similar to this that Orochimaru had instigated years back."

"I don't know what you're talking about, sir."

"Orochimaru toyed with the son of Tsunade's teammate. What was the name of that man again?" He traced the scar on his chin. "I can't quite remember the names of shinobis who started great and ended in misery. He was superior to Tsunade in rank. They met on a long-term mission prior the war wherein they had to aid an ally village in reinforcing their military troops. It wasn't her fault that she got involved with the man, but it was her fault that Orochimaru took interest in him. Not particularly in Tsunade's lover, but his son. Akiyoshi. One night, Orochimaru kidnapped the boy and performed a rebirth jutsu on him – one of his initial attempts at perfecting this forbidden jutsu. He didn't expect the boy to have a chance at surviving. His intentions were focused more on gauging Tsunade's medical capabilities in terms of fending this jutsu. The rebirth's design, being highly defective, was readily trounced by Tsunade's prowess. She knew Orochimaru. She knew that he was after her and not the boy. The council received news of this incredible feat and demanded that she supplemented her findings by subjecting the boy to multiple surgeries. Tsunade contested the council's moral obligation to the boy. Should every one of Orochimaru's victim suffer the fate of turning into Konoha's guinea pig? The father thought so; hence he insisted that his son be cut and stitched as many times as necessary."

I shook my head, deflecting the memory of the Fifth's midnight fit in her office, of Master Jiraiya guarding the door to keep us out of her way. That was his true intentions – to keep us out of her way. "Akiyoshi died," I said.

"Can you continue to serve a Hokage who puts herself before her village?"

"You mean to deceive me."

"Your own father died for a purpose that is greater than his life and yours."

"Do not speak of my father-!"

"If Tsunade is not convicted, she will continue to risk Konoha. The Hyuuga clan will inevitably be one of the first to fall should there be an uprising after this case becomes public knowledge." He pressed his forefinger in the middle of my bandaged forehead. He traced the pattern of the curse seal. "I am going to win this case, Neji. I will disclose your participation. I will let you be the cause of the Hyuuga clan's downfall. You will be the reason the same clan that your beloved father sacrificed his life for will go to ruins."

"...What do you want from me, Danzo?"

"Unless, of course, you do the right thing by confessing the facts of the rebirth case," he said. "Look at your cousin. She's no longer fit to succeed Hiashi. The poor girl is weak and blind. You can do more good to your clan than she ever will. It's not evil to be rational, Neji. How do you expect a blind girl to rule? You are the suitable heir now. No one will dare question you once you save your clan from destruction."

Through the gap in the division, I did look at Hinata. I did ask myself how she could rule.

 **Kakashi:**

"If we do not return to Konoha within twenty-four hours, you may proceed with killing Sakura and Sai." I lifted my hand over my eyes, shielding them from the rising sun behind Nohara. I glimpsed the length of her hair again as I averted my gaze. I couldn't seem to get over the youth that this haircut brought upon her entire visage. It made letting her go feel like a crime. How could I let this girl march into Konoha by herself?

We were not children anymore. She had become an ANBU. She was stronger than I could ever force myself to acknowledge.

Nohara adjusted her obi and inhaled. Her exhale came out as a giggle. "We've never had to enter into such ridiculous disguises before, have we?"

"Don't change the subject."

"We've gone through the plan a thousand times." She put her hands on her waist and smiled up at me. "Good luck in Suna. Better yet, good luck keeping Shikamaru and Ayano alive."

I scratched the back of my head. "It doesn't help that Ayano's short on chakra now. I can't ask her to keep guard using her Byakugan."

"You have the Sharingan."

I scratched my neck. It wouldn't surprise me if all this scratching damaged me worse than this disguise would. "You're as lax as Obito, thinking that the Sharingan can solve everything."

"It solved some things." Nohara sidestepped to wave goodbye at Shikamaru and Ayano, who had voluntarily walked away to give us time to talk. "I swear, that young man is going to outsmart you soon enough. His plan might just work, Kakashi."

"It might."

Nohara scooped up her knapsack from the ground and turned around. The wind descended from the mountain and swept into the village, and a small part of me hoped that it would force her to remain within my reach...under my protection.

I had abandoned these fantasies and started for Shikamaru and Ayano when Nohara stopped walking. She angled her body sideways to look back at me, and she asked, "Was it difficult - killing the woman you loved?"

Against the sunlight, she was a mere silhouette. I tried to picture Anko in her place, asking me if what I had done to her came so simply to someone of my nature. If it were her indeed, I wouldn't have surrendered an answer. But she wasn't Anko. I had already killed Anko.

"It's always difficult when the heart is involved," I said.

Nohara dropped her knapsack and threw her arms around me. " _I know, Kakashi_."

The sun was halfway up the mountain now. I allowed myself to embrace her, to feel the comfort of a friend, and to remind myself that there were still people left in my life to fight for. "I'll see you soon, Rin. Promise me."

She wriggled out of my embrace and plucked a chain from her neck. The glass shard that hung by the silver cord reflected the light. She lowered it in my hand. "That's from Obito's goggles. I've always had it. I didn't tell anybody. It's what helped me clarify that death is not a sacrifice but rather a gift. We all stumble sometimes, Kakashi, no matter how strong we are. Death will always hurt. But then death is never the end. Not while those children behind you are alive. I think this lesson about life and death is Obito's true gift to you and not the sharingan. Power lies within, Kakashi. I'll see you soon."

The second time Rin stepped out of the village, I was smart enough to believe in her.


	40. Chapter Thirty-Nine

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Thirty - Nine**

 **Ayano / Neji / Shikamaru**

 **Ayano:**

I scanned the line of stalls in the village while chewing on my bottom lip, feigning composure on my first task away from the rest of my teammates. It wasn't easy replenishing our food supply when one of our members had a heart condition. Aside from the usual rice balls and sandwiches, there were very few food I could feed him that wasn't high on cholesterol and every other component that could trigger a heart attack. As smart as he was, he probably didn't know that a heart condition instigated by the mismanagement of chakra circulation was more severe than a blood clot in the arteries. The sensitivity of his circumstance made me think that he would have been luckier if he suffered from kidney failure instead.

Poor guy.

Perhaps this was the reason Nohara tasked me to buy food without the men's aid. I assumed Shikamaru to be particular with his food and Kakashi to be allergic to a common ingredient like…onion? I couldn't think of any other logical reason for him to cover half of his face if not for severe allergy. Altering his appearance did not help at all. Forced to discard the usual mask that covered the lower half of his face, he had no choice but to replace it with a cotton mask that medics normally gave patients who were ill with colds. I had remarked that he looked ridiculous and that he should simply reveal his face, to which Nohara and Kakashi only laughed and relapsed to their discussion.

I never did quite understand their relationship. Shikamaru said those two must have known each other for a long time. Kakashi had made quite a ruckus about Nohara's self sacrifice but Nohara didn't display any form of affection for him until she embraced him at the village gates.

Perhaps the medics didn't know everything, after all. I bet Sakura knew more about Nohara and Kakashi than I ever would.

I stopped in the main road and chose a stall that sold a variety of packed food. Sitting on the metal stool reminded me of my days as Miss Shizune's understudy. When would things go back to normal?

An elderly man emerged from the backdoor and greeted me. I forced a smile and inquired about their menu for the day. He pointed at a poster on the wall. "For dine in or dine out? We've got fresh stocks of meat and vegetables today, young lady. You're lucky to be our first customer. Why out of your house so early, by the way? Are you running away from your parents?"

"I could be running away or I could simply be craving for loads of food." I pointed at the first three dishes in the poster. "Make it quick, please. I'm in a hurry."

The man shook his head at me as he picked up the newspaper to kill a fly. "You're eloping, aren't you? Pregnant, maybe?"

"Do you have fish?"

"Evading the question. Tsk."

"I'm none of your business," I said. "Do you have fish? I'll…I'll have fish."

"Fine. Whatever." The man disappeared into the kitchen, still muttering under his breath. I pulled down the skin beneath my right eye and adjusted my lenses. I shouldn't be crying now. If Neji knew that I was part of this mission and I cried, he would definitely think less of me. I sighed and cursed myself for ordering fish. I should never have insulted Neji after he bought me dinner in that fancy restaurant. Now I wasn't even sure if I would get the chance to apologize.

A shadow loomed across the wooden table. I glimpsed the new customer. He smiled and sat beside me. "Tourist?"

I squinted at his face, frustrated that I couldn't use my Byakugan to see if he had a mark on his shoulder. Kakashi said that Root donned an aloofness that showed even when they smiled. Lifting my gaze to the chimes overhead, I answered, "Yeah. The Festival was fantastic. Fireworks were deafening."

"Scared you?"

"Only infants get scared of fireworks."

"Tough girl," he said, his eyes now roaming my physique. "I'm Kato. How long are you staying here?"

I tapped my fingers on the table. "Not long now that I know you people like prying on the life of strangers."

Kato swung his chair towards me and leaned forward. His breath warmed my cheek and deluged my nose with the stench of sake. "I like your sharp tongue," he cooed.

I crossed my legs and reached inside my boot for a knife. "You will keep your face in a respectable distance from mine or I swear I will cut your own sharp tongue and serve it to the dogs."

"Okay!" Shikamaru encircled his arm around my waist. He lifted me off the stool and yelled for the cook to cancel our order. The man shoved Shikamaru.

I kicked the ground and grabbed the nearest stool to regain our balance. "What's your problem, you backwater-"

Shikamaru covered my mouth. "I apologize for my little sister's behaviour!" He spun to face Kato while maintaining his hold on me. I tipped my head back to put some distance between my face and his spine. Startled by the flexibility and firmness of his long limbs, I ceased struggling and relaxed behind him. It seemed that even violence could not make up for my elfin built.

"She's vicious when she has a hangover." Shikamaru prodded me backwards. "C'mon, Megumi, we're leaving. Father's waiting for us."

"Apologize, you sprite!"

I stomped on Shikamaru's foot, weakening his hold on me, and mustered the chakra at the tip of my fingernails. Shikamaru caught my elbow on my second stride. He dragged me backwards and descended on his knees. He pressed his forehead on the ground. "I apologize on my sister's behalf."

Kato and I gawked at him. He stood, dusted his trousers, and pulled me out of the stall with him.

The main road buzzed with the footfalls and the chatters of a hundred villagers. More stalls were opening their windows to welcome customers. Children ran around with the toys they won from yesterday evening's festival.

Shikamaru maintained his tight grip on my wrist as he manoeuvred our way out of the crowd. I tried to tug free of him. Feeling my resistance, he hauled me to the nearest bridge and frowned at me. "How often are you deployed out of Konoha?"

"What?"

"How often?"

"Often."

"Really?" he said. "You're lying. You just threatened that fiend."

"He was disrespecting me!"

"We're keeping a low profile!"

I lowered my eyes to the river, willing my anger to flow far from me. "I've only been deployed six times. I failed to qualify to be a field medic because my Byakugan is dysfunctional. It cannot see well under pressure. Miss Shizune took pity on me and made me her understudy. This will be my seventh time on an official mission. I'm sorry."

Shikamaru brushed his bangs off his face and sighed. "You do want to go out more, don't you?"

"Of course."

"All you have to do is keep calm, Ayano."

"You don't understand-"

He pressed his forefingers on my temples. "Concentrate. Whenever you feel it's going to malfunction, find a focal point to exert the energy of the Byakugan. The Yamanakas use this technique all the time. I'm sure it will work on you, too."

The veins surrounding my eyes throbbed. I pressed my fingers beside his on my temples and determined his face as my focal point. His blue contact lenses did little to hide the darkness of the pupils underneath them. There was a near tangible bluntness to his gaze, something that made me shiver in terror and drift into calmness the second later.

Father told me a lot about the men of the Nara Clan. He said never to trust them.

His fingertips turned cold. "Hey, Ayano?"

"I'm trying to focus."

"There's...I've been meaning to tell you something," he mumbled. "And I don't know if there's ever a right time for it." His pupils quivered and diverted from mine. The muscles of his face relaxed as he looked over my head. His arms fell. "Sakura?"

I turned around. A pink haired girl ran across the street and entered a flower shop. An old woman tossed her a green apron. The girl slipped it on and gathered a handful of tulips from the clay pot sitting outside the shop.

Shikamaru bumped my shoulder as he walked past me. I dashed to the end of the bridge and spread my arms to block his path. "Hey!"

He blinked down at me, startled. "Huh?"

"That's not Sakura," I said, as slowly and as kindly as I could. I watched his demeanour fall and his body retreat to the other side of the bridge. His mind, however, remained with the pink haired girl that he hoped had been Sakura instead,

I jogged after him. "It's normal, you know. Trauma does that to people. I've seen it so many times."

He continued walking with his shoulders hunched and his hands hidden in his pockets. "Yeah?"

"You were shouting in your sleep."

He stopped. I, too, stopped. The villagers passed between us without care. He motioned for me to follow him to our rendezvous point with Kakashi. It was high time that we left this village.

"Shikamaru-"

"I was calling after her," he said and looked away from me –to the narrow road that led to the south of the village. "In my dream. I was calling after her. She was standing in front of me. It was dark. She said she had to at least...t-to at least..."

"Say goodbye?"

He glimpsed me, hung his head low, and nodded. "Is that trauma? Or was that really her? Do you believe in those things? Do dead people really have the chance to say goodbye even in dreams?"

"I believe in facts. According to my observations, you are traumatized. Dreams can't determine the fate of another person." I tiptoed and poked his temple. "Focus. We've got only one day to travel to Suna and accomplish your plans."

Shikamaru reached for his ponytail, only to remember that it was no longer there. He flexed his fingers, perhaps embarrassed at this show of sentiment.

I looked away to pretend that I did not witness it. "Anyway, what was it you were going to tell me?"

He swallowed hard. "N-nothing. Not now."

 **Neji:**

Sleep had refused to overtake me. The gloom that enveloped the room could never be as dark as the gloom that had suspended in my being. Danzo's face kept appearing in my mind, haunting me, daunting me, enticing me with the promise of becoming the Hyuuga Clan's heir. The sensation of his finger tracing the curse seal on my forehead never vanished. For hours, that was all I could feel.

The curves and the lines that composed the curse had once been my prison. My duel with Naruto during the first chuunin exams altered my mindset, yes, but not completely. Backsliding from the beliefs that I had cultured as a young boy did not come easy. Every new dawn, I still had to meditate on my resolve to serve Lord Hiashi and to protect Hinata. Acceptance was a discipline that I practiced every second of every day...but Danzo had provided a clear path out of my silent suffering.

Even my burnt flesh and pounding left eye could not distract me from the pleasure of accepting his bribe. What if Destiny had intentionally tricked me into believing that I was a sunken stone in the river when in truth, I was a resurrected rock? I was not like Sakura and Sai who were slowly sinking to the bottom of the river. Someone had picked me up, tossed me in his palm, and decided that I could serve a purpose far greater than even my own father had pictured for me.

I could not tell when the fluorescent lights had come to life, or when the medics had entered our side of the chamber to perform the hourly check-up. My mind was too preoccupied with ecstasy to pay any attention to them. I had not even bothered to glance at Hinata.

The medics, both male and female, said nothing to me or to each other as they attached and removed medical paraphernalia to my body. Their movements suggested I had been here longer than I had actually been. Everything was rehearsed...intentional. Was this part of Danzo's plan? Was he pulling me closer to him by allowing me to endure this state of helplessness under the care of medics? Was he purposely showing me that I had more strength in me than a blind girl could have?

The next I truly opened my eyes, the room was empty of the medics. Hinata was standing beside her bed, feeling for the objects around her. Without thinking, I hastened to her side and led her back to the bed. "You're not fit to be moving about," I said.

She smiled. "You haven't said anything to me for a couple of hours. I was worried that you've left me alone. Did you go somewhere, Neji?"

I dropped her arm. She returned to her bed on her own.

"I'm still here," I said.

"You sound upset," she said. "Have you had another...dream?"

I sat beside her. Before us was a blank wall, but what I saw was a reflection of me without the curse seal. "Yes, another dream. Merely a dream, though. You don't have to trouble yourself with it, Hinata. They're just the usual dreams that can never be realized."

"But you're a wonderful person, Neji."

I arched my brow at her despite knowing she couldn't see me. "Being a wonderful person has nothing to do with dreams."

Hinata lifted her hand and touched my face. She spread her fingers over my right eye and my nose. "Of course there's a relation to those two. Wonderful people only see and think things that are good; hence their souls only translate good dreams during sleep. Whatever that dream is, don't think you can't make it happen. Everyone benefits from good dreams."

"Then I suppose mine is a nightmare."

Hinata's hand lowered to my neck. "It isn't. You are simply too kind."

"I have selfish dreams, too, Hinata."

"They're not selfish if you're dreaming it for the good of our clan."

Every muscle in my body stiffened. Her touch stung. Her eyes focused on mine as though they possessed the power of sight. "Don't treat me like I'm a weak, stupid girl, Neji. I know you still dream of becoming the head of our clan. I know you still hold a grudge, no matter how little. I-"

"You are-"

"-know that Danzo made you an offer."

I took her hand in mine and lowered it to the space between us. "You were awake the entire time."

"You underestimate my capabilities as a Hyuuga. Of course I can control the chakra distribution in my body and determine the progress of the drug in my bloodstream. It's not your fault that you consider me inadequate compared to you."

"Hinata, stop this."

"But none of my physical prowess can measure to the love I have for our clan."

"Stop it."

"You be the heir, Neji," she said, straining to catch her breath. "Go on. I won't mind. Danzo's right. How can a blind girl rule?"

I picked up my cane and stood. "This is nonsense. I'll be sent to another chamber for interrogation soon. I'll wake you up to say goodbye. You should rest. You're thinking too much of something that isn't even – "

"As the new heir, you decided it best to side with Danzo and to protect our clan."

"I took no side, Hinata."

"You love the clan as much as your father did."

"Please, this is– "

"I surrender my birthright to you," she said. "I trust you."

My legs trembled with the effort to reach my bed. I forced myself to acknowledge that this faintness curdling inside me was brought about by mere lack of rest. Yes, that was all.

Hinata scooted to the centre of her bed, her head following me as I limped towards mine. "And I know that in the end, you'll do the right thing."

The cane slipped. I collided with the linoleum. My own arms could not support my weight. The burnt skin that covered my body stretched to limits it could not endure. I screamed in pain.

 **Shikamaru:**

This Sand Village inn was a complete contrast from the ones in Konoha. The four walls were curved on the corners, and their maroon wallpapers only added to the peculiar design of the room and its heavy ambiance. The windows stretched from the ceiling to the floor, but only the upper panes could be drawn. Metal ornaments sat on wooden shelves beside the sliding doors. The futons were composed of woven hay at the bottom and layered with stiff cushions on top. Only the table that separated us from Temari and Kankuro was the normal furniture I could see.

Temari bit the insides of her cheeks and bowed her head. Kankuro gawked at Kakashi and me. They tried not to, but they had to laugh. It was the only suitable reaction to our appearances. They glimpsed each other, pressed their lips together, and did their best to suppress their amusement.

I slapped my forehead. "We didn't come here to entertain you."

Ayano slammed the window shut, hindering the wind from carrying more sand into our room. She hopped down from the chair she had been standing on to reach the shutters. "If all the help they can provide is to laugh at us, I suggest we thank them and leave."

Temari's glee died. She eyed Ayano from head to toe. "Where did you rescue this injured little feline?"

"Careful," Ayano said as she sat between Kakashi and I. "This little feline likes to eat mouse with your ugly hair colour."

I rolled my eyes until they landed on Ayano. She threw her chin up. Temari frowned at me, her hand already encircling the handle of her fan. Kankuro spread his arm in front of her, as did Kakashi in front of Ayano. "Easy, ladies," Kankuro cooed. "We're here to discuss political matters, not to claw at each other's faces."

"I don't claw," Temari said. "I slaughter."

Ayano surged forward. I scooped her from her seat and hoisted her behind me. "You're not going to fight!"

"I am not to be insulted by this woman!"

Temari stood. "Who does she think she is?"

"A Hyuuga," I said. "Please don't butcher her. I need her to keep me alive."

Temari put her hands on her hips, her brows furrowed deep. "That's a bold declaration of love."

"I don't mean it that way."

"He's dying," Ayano said. "There. Done. Can we proceed to the fact that Konoha is in danger?"

Kakashi lifted his finger, stopping her from adding any further detail. Temari resumed her seat. Kankuro eyed each one of us. A dose of anxiety precipitated our group. With my hand still on the small of Ayano's back, I felt a tremor rise to her flesh. I glimpsed her for reassurance and urged Kakashi to continue.

He adjusted his eye patch, perhaps as a reminder of his identity. He was still Kakashi Hatake, and he would not think twice about attacking anyone who took our case lightly. "We didn't come here to seek just any kind of help."

Temari leaned over the table, her gaze fixed solely on me. "You've run away from Konoha – no, you've escaped."

I stayed put, unfazed by her boldness. "A fact made obvious by these hideous disguises."

Kankuro yanked at her sleeve but she sustained her daring pose. "You're up against someone powerful, and something tells me that it isn't the Hokage. In fact, you won't be here unless she was the one who ordered you to do so. If I were to guess, you're up against Orochimaru."

"He's one of them." I smirked. "You're losing your touch, Temari."

She frowned and retreated from the table. "Don't tell me you've been exiled along with Kakashi and your Hyuuga girlfriend and you're expecting us to give you refuge."

Kakashi cleared his throat. "Refuge is the last thing we want. To put it simply, we need Suna to intervene. Orochimaru has instigated an attack against us, one that got out or proportion and resulted in the martial law that has befallen Konoha. If we do not do something within the next day, your Kazekage will be meeting with Danzo instead of Lady Tsunade the following week to renew the peace treaty. I doubt it if you'll want to be affiliated with Konoha at all with Danzo as its leader. He puts his village before anything else; meaning an alliance with you will only be a trick to put you under his control. You won't want that, seeing as Suna has not fully recovered from the damage its military forces incurred."

Kankuro snorted. "Let's say Gaara is threatened by this and agrees to intervene. What exactly is this intervention you need us to do?"

Ayano stiffened behind me. I pitied her, being subjected to such heavy political quandaries on her seventh mission out of Konoha. Beneath the solid skin and bone in my hand lay a fragile collection of nerves and muscles that threatened to tear with the weight of the next strain that would transpire against us. "Sakura has a case study," she said, her faint voice startling us. "She's using ingredients from your medical garden and we know that those herbs you export to Konoha are one of your village's most valuable investments. We're right, aren't we? Sakura will die soon, and if she doesn't die of the coma she's in, she'll be executed instead. Her case study is incomplete. The money and the herbs you've invested will be put to waste the second she dies. Demand to have her report to your brother about the state of the case study and threaten them that if they fail to comply, you won't be renewing the treaty. We'll be enemies again."

Temari didn't even flinch. She merely glanced at Kankuro and prodded her chin towards me. "Your girlfriend says that you're dying. I don't believe it. I know a dying man when I see one."

"That's because he entered a rebirth jutsu ceremony to save Sakura Haruno," Kakashi said. "Nobody but Orochimaru can tell if a man is dying of a rebirth jutsu."

"Kakashi – "

"There's no way of withholding it from them, Shikamaru." He pulled his right leg up and settled his elbow on top of his knee, finally able to rest in a causal pose now that our secret was out. "You can use this information against Konoha. You know our weakness. Won't the other villages love to trounce on us once they find out what we're going through?"

Kankuro snickered. "Just because we're currently relying on Konoha for support does not mean – "

"You're not bullying us into giving you that kind of help," Temari cut in. "Not yet, anyway."

"What do you mean?" asked Kankuro. "Danzo is one of their leaders. If they find out that we've connived with their exiles, Suna will be in a trouble too big for us to handle with our current manpower."

"That's why we have to make sure that when we intervene, our intervention will be successful, right, Shikamaru?"

Several knots tightened in my gut. As sharp as ever, Temari. She still wasn't convinced of the severity of the matter. She was waiting for us to disclose a certain piece of information that would satisfy her doubts. What was it? Damn it. Think, Shikamaru.

The muscles in my chest relaxed. The forming realization in my brain led me to exhale audibly. Ayano completed two hand formations and slammed her hand against my chest. "Are you well?" she asked.

I nodded and allowed her to continue replenishing my chakra supply. The more hours I spent awake, the faster my chakra was depleting. I squared my arms over my knees and looked Temari in the eyes. "Fine. You win, woman. We wouldn't be daring to blackmail Suna if we don't have proof that Sakura's case study is efficient."

She grinned. "I'll need a good motive and evidence to even bring Gaara to consider this."

"Aside from the fact that you owe us?"

"I'm sorry, Shikamaru, but we have our own village to think of."

"I'm the proof," I said, which silenced them.

Kakashi brought out three scrolls and spread them in front of Temari and Kankuro. "Since Sakura Haruno was unavailable to indulge us with the contents of her case study, Ayano and a good friend of mine recreated an extensive draft of it. Before the rebirth case, Sakura had already chosen Shikamaru as a test subject for the creation of chakra reservoirs at the back of the heart. The herbs you've been sending to Konoha are the ultimate reinforcements that will maximize the function of that reservoir. Without the herbs, the reservoir is only able to sustain Shikamaru's life beyond his body's original capabilities. Still, you cannot deny the brilliance of the idea. Shikamaru isn't producing chakra at all. We have to replenish his supply every six hours to keep him breathing. Even if you dissect him now to discover how that reservoir was created and how it is keeping this boy alive, you'll never link it to the herbs. At best, Sakura hasn't even written them down yet. My student likes to keep notes in her brain until they're finalized. After all, this case study is her masterpiece. She can't have other people stealing her work."

"You'll need this, Temari," I said. "This is a better alternative to the jutsu that Lady Chiyo used to resurrect Gaara. No one has to die in order for another to live. This reservoir gives shinobis enough time to reach medical camps and enough energy to survive treatment. It's a solution you can't ignore. If Konoha is overtaken by Danzo, you'll never get a chance to see the completion of this case study. Your efforts will become futile. Lady Chiyo will be disgraced."

"A reservoir at the back of the heart?" Kankuro rounded the table and sat to my left. Temari transferred in front of me and put her finger in the middle of my chest. Ayano increased the traffic of chakra she was transferring to me, as though it would threaten Temari to back off.

Kankuro squeezed the length of my left arm. "There's very little chakra flow here. Just enough for you to be mobile."

Temari's eyes widened. "Your heartbeat is growing stronger the more chakra this pipsqueak is giving you."

Ayano's fingers retreated to her palm, scratching me in the process. "I'll bite your head off once I'm done healing him."

"A Hyuuga you may be, but a chakra expert, you're certainly not," Temari chirped.

I scowled at her. "You're really going to bicker with a younger girl?"

"She's not a good medic," Temari said, slapping Ayano's hand away and flattening her own hand on my chest. "You're causing the chakra to spill over the reservoir. Remove your contact lenses and use your Byakugan. I can hear the hiss of the reservoir as though it's begging for help. There. See how my chakra is piercing the reservoir and supporting its circulation? Make sure your chakra has movement once it enters the reservoir, or else Shikamaru will run out of chakra too soon."

Kankuro gawked. "Sakura Haruno is amazing! She designed this so any shinobi can replenish the reservoir. You don't have to be a medic to do so."

"It _is_ amazing."

"Such a pity to lose this to Danzo."

Temari rolled her palm off me. "Feeling better?"

"Slightly," I murmured. Ayano had put a lot of effort into keeping this reservoir functioning. She deserved more credit than what others were giving her.

Kakashi scratched the back of his head. "We haven't got much time. Sakura and Sai are bound to wake up soon. If they recover as Kana and Ryo, we can do nothing to save the Fifth Hokage from facing the possibility of execution for treason."

Kankuro marched to the doorway, peeked outside, and closed the door quietly. "Nobody else knows you're here, right?"

"Only an ANBU from Konoha."

"His good friend," I added.

"She'll kill Sakura and Sai if we don't return to Konoha after twenty-four hours," said Kakashi. "We need an answer from you now. Are you willing to intervene?"

Temari squinted at me. I mirrored the intensity in her expression. No matter her tough exterior, I knew her well enough to be sure that she was willing to participate in salvaging Konoha. She had confessed to me during her previous mission in Konoha that she had been reluctant of the assault Suna had planned against our village. If she had a choice, no war would happen. I comforted myself with that knowledge. Temari was a good woman. She loved her village, but she could love more than her own kind.

At last, Temari closed her eyes and sighed. "You'll pay this debt, Shikamaru."

I gawked at her. "You're going to do it?"

"Pipsqueak Hyuuga," she said. "Take care of this man while Kakashi, Kankuro, and I meet with the Kazekage. It might take some time. Don't leave the inn or this room. I'll arrange for food and other necessities to be delivered here."

"Temari." I forced myself to stand and to stand tall in front of her. "Thank you."

"Don't die." That was all she said before she led the men out of the room. Kakashi had given me the thumbs up before closing the door and leaving Ayano and me on our own.

Wind and sand banged on the windows. I hauled down the blinds to keep the sand from circulating inside the room. As it was, there was barely enough air to breathe here. I liked Suna but I hated their geography.

"You hungry, Ayano?" I unzipped one of our knapsacks and brought out a bag of chips. "Yeah, this is all we have. We'll have to make do until decent food arrives."

"I'm sorry." Ayano pressed her fingers against her temples. Blood trickled from the insides of her eyes. I stumbled to her side, asking if she was well. What was happening? Had she overused her Byakugan? Was this normal?

"I told you," she said. "It's dysfunctional. They always bleed whenever I'm stressed."

"You should rest."

"I could have killed you!"

I sat on my heels and stared at her. "What's your problem?"

"I could have killed you, Shikamaru!" she hissed. "I'm a bad medic. How can I continue to medicate you?"

I opened the bag of chips and held it out to her. "Look, a lot of people could have killed me in my lifetime but I'm not dead yet, am I? What's important is that you now know the proper way of replenishing my chakra supply."

"You can't forgive me just like that."

"I did. It's done."

"It's unforgiveable!"

"You from the Hyuuga clan have a lot of issues to resolve." I upturned her hand and poured chips on it. "Eat. I'm sure you're hungry."

Her small, round face flushed red. She looked funny, but she was too outraged to probably realize this. "Why are you so kind to me? I haven't been treating you nicely at all. My medical skills are tragic, and I've done our team no good. If you want me to leave, tell me. You can reach a solution faster without me to drag you down."

I lowered the bag of chips on the floor, thinking of Choji and how Asuma was driven to frustration because of his student's low self-esteem. This kind of attitude was prohibited in my own home; hence voicing my doubts had never been a practice of mine. Majority of my doubts lingered in the confines of my head, similar as to how Asuma's death remained there without any intention of departing. I knew now why Shikaku never encouraged me to display pity on myself. Our own assessment of our abilities was often incorrect. Ayano had no idea what she was talking about. Similarly, I had no idea how to tell her this.

 _Couldn't people give this dying man a break?_

"Ayano, how old are you?"

She remained staring at her lap. "Fifteen."

"How long have you been a medic?"

"Three years."

"You still have many more years to improve."

"You don't understand," she said. "My mother is Aiko Hyuuga. She's a legend in our clan. She has done incredible things for Konoha."

"You're helping us save Konoha," I said. "You are doing what even the best medics in the field can't do. Ayano, you saved Asuma and Kurenai's baby girl. Asuma was my master. He entrusted Kurenai and her baby to me. Had you not come in time to treat them, I won't even have the courage to fight for my life...to fight long enough for Konoha's safety. What other convincing do you want? You're the only one who brands yourself as a burden. There's no time for that. Use whatever strength you have left to commit to Konoha's defence. You're the one who told me that on our first day in this mission. What changed that?"

She poked her right eye with her forefinger and removed the green lens. She blinked back her tears. "Time is running out."

Time. Death. An image flashed before me, one that contained Sakura. She was sitting on the farther end of the couch, fiddling with her sleeves, plucking the loose threads of her cuffs. She said she wanted to stop time and be in that moment with me. If only the rebirth wasn't a taboo, I'd spend my last breaths transferring her beautiful soul to a stronger body. I could also transfer mine, and we could create a simple life together. I cursed myself. She wouldn't that. She'd rather die for Konoha. What did Ino say to me? Finish my personal business before I fought the bigger battle. That way, I would have no regrets.

"Ayano," I said. "If it's the mystery of Aiko Hyuuga's suicide that is causing you to look down on yourself, you can stop thinking that it was your fault. You had nothing to do with it."

She chuckled as she pulled her knees to her chest. "What can you possibly know about mother? You're an outsider. Mother committed suicide for a noble – "

"She killed herself because of my father," I said. Her silence forced me to look away and admit the entire story. All the while, I reassured myself that this was the right thing to do. She deserved to know that we shared a half-sibling – one that wasn't destined to be born into this world. My father owed her for her loss. She deserved to have grown up with a mother to guide her. We were sorry. I found a box made by Aiko Hyuuga. Father buried it in our forest. Their child was supposed to be the heir to the Nara Clan. Not me. I wasn't even supposed to be named Shikamaru. She needed to hear the truth from me before I passed away. Aiko's suicide was not at all due to her lack of love for Ayano. She carried a guilt that was too heavy for her. "I'm sorry," I finished.

Ayano released her legs from her embrace. The blood had dried from her eyes. The veins in her temples had subsided. She opened and closed her mouth, finding her voice and losing it.

 **Neji:**

Hinata made things difficult for me, but I made it into Sai's containment chamber with my resolve still firm and intact. It was not as though I had never done this before...taken the blame and accepted the punishment for somebody else.

When I was ten years old, I had caught Ayano stealing a butterfly hairpin from a shop. She had always wanted it, she said, but her father would not buy it for her until she perfected the use of her Byakugan. The shop owner had seen the hairpin on her hair and dragged her away by the ear. I had pulled her behind me and claimed that I was the thief– she had nothing to do with my crime. Lord Hiashi had whipped my back that same evening, as was the traditional punishment for misbehaving children. Until now, I could still hear Hinata's whimpers as a little girl, begging her father to stop. Ayano never confessed because I made her promise not to. We never talked about it again.

It wasn't that incident that led to our estrangement. Something had changed in her afterwards, though, and I couldn't put my finger on what could have caused it.

I wondered now where Ayano could be. Was she in prison? Were her eyes bleeding? Was anybody helping her? I wish I could take back what I said to her...to straighten the crease in our relationship before I fulfilled my ultimate purpose.

Ayano may loathe me, but she deserved better than to lose her fiancé at such a young age. Would any other man bother to care for her?

The divider swung apart and Danzo beckoned me to cross over to the other side of the chamber. Stepping out of the gloom, I flinched at the brightness of the light and slowed to a stop. My whole body revolted at the idea of exposing myself. Why did the light have to be so blinding? Why did it have to be present to steal the comfort of the dark?

Danzo pulled the stretch of cloth together, enclosing us in the privacy of our crime, separating us from the rest of the world.

"It feels bad, doesn't it?" he said, fracturing the solidity of the silence. "Having to rely on a cane for balance when once, you can cross the forest within a day by leaping from tree to tree."

"I'll heal." I refused to acknowledge the similarities in our appearance. Limp and partly blind we may both be, but a deceiver I was not. I told myself again that this was the right thing to do. I lifted my eyes to the bed, at the lifeless figure that was Sai.

Danzo ordered me to use my Byakugan to see whether the man who would wake up was Sai or Ryo.

"I have to get closer," I said. "My Byakugan is slightly hazy when used from afar." I moved past Danzo, and with each step I made, my weight doubled. Death was slowly consuming my life's clock. I looked hard at Sai and asked myself if he would forgive me in the afterlife. Would we even meet at all?

"What are you waiting for, Neji?"

He emphasized that we must hurry. We hadn't got all day to spare Konoha from Lady Tsunade's greed.

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and felt for the poisoned needle dangling from the bandage that concealed my curse mark. With one stab to the heart, the poison would shut down two of Sai's major chakra arteries. It had not been easy to steal the ingredients from the Root medics, but my intentional fall had allowed me to come in contact with more drugs while they attempted to ease the bleeding and the pounding of my burnt legs.

I plucked the needle out and sucked in a breath – probably my last. As soon as I stab Sai, Danzo would have no choice but to kill me. I would make him kill me, after which he would lose his credibility to convict the Fifth Hokage.

Father, I will do good.

"Sir!" A medic lurched past the division, nearly ripping apart the cloth in the process. "Sir, Sakura Haruno is awake!"

"What?" Danzo commanded me to stay put. He would have Root guard us while he checked on Sakura's condition. This was unexpected. I had to wait for further instructions. Stay put. He hastened to the nurse's station and out the chamber.

The needle slipped from my grasp.

As I reached down to retrieve it, I was paralyzed by the realization that Sai was watching me.

 **Shikamaru:**

Ayano wouldn't speak.

The doorknob twisted and the door stood ajar for a couple of seconds. I spread my right arm sideways to shield Ayano, my left arm already overhead, ready to dart the enemy with the kunai pinned between my fingers.

Kakashi walked into the room. Alone.

He shut the door.

I looked at his face, searched for any hint of good news, and prepared myself for the worst. Kakashi's hand encircled the knob and squashed the metal. "Suna won't intervene."

My fingers numbed and the kunai fell to the floor.

Kakashi slipped on his hooded coat and tossed ours across the table. "Gaara will not risk Suna at any cost. It is financially incapable of supporting its troops in case a battle ensues. We have to leave within the hour or else they will imprison us."

Behind me, Ayano sobbed. "Shikamaru, that's not why my mother killed herself."

Grabbing the coats, I put mine on and told Ayano to prepare for our journey. She hurled her coat away. "Shikamaru, you're not listening! If you are telling the truth, my mother did not give your father that box as a memorabilia for their dead child. You do remember the location of that box, don't you? Good. Tell me where it is. Kakashi, bring me to the Kazekage. He'll have no choice but to risk Suna for a cost – a high one."


	41. Chapter Forty

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Forty**

 **Jiraiya / Shikamaru / Neji**

 **Jiraiya:**

Naruto stomped off the river, pricked his bare feet on the gravel as he strode towards me, and splashed my face with water from his canteen.

The cold sank deep within my skin, forcing me to hold my breath as the shock subsided. Dropping the stick of fried fish, I mopped my face with my hand and snapped my head up to glare at him. " _Really, Naruto_?" I said. "Is that how you show your gratitude for everything I've done to keep you alive?"

He did not move. Not a hair on his brow conceded to any motion that would weaken the anger that he had worked so hard to express.

It startled me, seeing his emotions rather than hearing them. Something about the rebirth case had transformed this boy. He had challenged himself to use a larger percent of his intellect than he ever had in the battlefield. Tsunade had relayed to me the stunt he pulled off in the Nara Forest – at the intent that he had allowed us to conceal using our inferior outlook of his capabilities. Who would have guessed that one day he would use our prejudice of him against us? Who would have thought that his decision to tell the Nara boy about Sai's predicament was the right course of action? Throughout the case, Naruto had been anything but reckless.

The Haruno girl possessed an enchantment that urged this maturity in him. I should have realized this sooner and bothered to thank her before I dragged Naruto out of the Nara Forest. Certainly, my participation in separating him from her was the motivation for the silent outrage he was currently showcasing.

Bending my knees upwards, I pushed myself off the ground and stood. "If you're angry, say it aloud – "

"Is this really all we can do?"

The water from my nose dripped to my upper lip. It remained there, unable to fall because I could not begin to move my mouth and respond to him. No, not when this was the first time I had ever heard defeat in his voice.

Naruto's head jerked sideways at the slightest movement in the nearby shrubbery, his stance relaxing only when a bullfrog emerged and croaked at us. He sighed. "Can't you answer me, pervy-sage? Have the Sannins ran out of tactics?" He shoves my right shoulder, almost missing. "Answer me!"

"Naruto-"

"Grandma Tsunade needed you to fight alongside her!" He punched my abdomen. "What happened? Don't you fucking use me as an excuse! There were other ways of keeping me away from the Akatsuki! There were ways that this fucking fox inside me would not have belittled the rebirth case! Why did you agree to leave Konoha? Why the fuck did you talk me into leaving everybody behind?"

"Naruto!"

His body jolted, as though hearing his name aroused him from a deep slumber. I grabbed his hair, tipped his head back, and told him to look me in the eyes. " _You selfish little brat_! Stop your ranting about our leaving Konoha behind and betraying our friends. You are not the only one with a dying partner. All my life I had spent protecting Tsunade in every way that I could. Do you think that it was easy for me to abandon the case and to focus on the task of keeping you safe from the Akatsuki? Sometimes, you have to accept that you have no choice, Naruto. Sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture instead of the girl that made you swoon! You are a Hidden-Leaf shinobi with a duty to your village – the death of your friends can never compete with that, do you hear?"

I pushed him by the head and he toppled backwards into the river, splashing water on the rest of my clothing. Biting back a litany of curses, I sighed and turned away from the sight of him. "Besides, the journey we're taking is relevant to the case...somewhat. Somebody has to make sure that Orochimaru won't step into the picture all of a sudden. Tsunade has her ANBUs working on that, but I prefer to keep Orochimaru my business. After all, no one is more suitable for that job than you and I."

"Hunting Orochimaru down... _again_." Naruto remained seated in the river, staring blankly at the fish swimming past his legs. "Do we even know where to look?"

"I had an encounter with him before I came back for you."

He drudged to the other side of the river, collapsed to a sitting position, and hid his face in his hands. "What if Danzo wins?"

When I didn't answer, he lifted his head and said, "What then? Grandma Tsunade dies? Sakura dies? Shikamaru dies? Everybody dies. You don't understand me. I can't go on another goose-chase expecting to defeat Orochimaru without knowing the condition of the people I'm fighting for. What purpose is there to live, to fight, and to die if I've got no one to do them for? I can't stop losing these people...first Sasuke, then Sai...Sakura doesn't deserve this at all. She can't b-be...I-I tried. I tried to support her. To do what I can...but nothing's ever enough if it comes from me."

The stench of his despondency choked me. I walked across the river, crouched in front of him, and put my hand on his shoulder. "Naruto, the fight is not over. They're not yet gone. Orochimaru and Danzo hasn't won yet."

He clutched my sleeve and lowered his head further. "I'll kill him, Jiraiya. Orochimaru won't live long."

"If Sakura dies and Sasuke turns into a vessel and you motivate yourself with killing Orochimaru, what good will you do?"

"I'll stop him."

"You'll be an avenger like Sasuke?" I snickered. "You'll devote your entire life to the murder of one monster?"

"Yes."

"Naruto, would it make Konoha better if you are consumed by revenge?"

"I don't care."

"What did you and Sakura talk about?" I sat on the gravel. Naruto clutched my sleeve tighter. I slapped him across the face. "Stop your sulking, boy. What agreement did you make with Sakura about retrieving Sasuke? Is your goal to kill him or to make him realize that revenge is not the solution?"

Naruto sobbed. "Am I useless, Jiraiya?"

"Right now, with the way you are clinging to me and crying about a future that hasn't occurred yet, you are being the most useless person in the world," I said. "Get up. It's not like you to give up."

"I never said anything about giving up." He sniffed. He ran the back of his hand over his eyes. "I never planned on giving up on Sakura and Sasuke...no matter how many times I become useless."

"Good. No one wants a Hokage that cries over petty matters."

If only I could tell you, Naruto, that you cry like your mother. You may have inherited Minato's appearance, but there's no mistaking the whimpers of an Uzumaki when I hear them. It would break Kushina's heart to know that she passed on this gauche trait to her son. Minato would not mind at all. He never minded that her bawling turned her into an ogre. You would have been a wonderful son to them.

I wondered...if I had a son, would it feel this bad to see him break?

"Trust her, Naruto," I said. "Tsunade trained her. She saw strength in Sakura that even a rebirth jutsu can't steal. That's why you like her so much, isn't it?"

He stopped from wiping his tears, permitting them to dribble down his face as though they did not sting. A flicker of his childish soul returned to his eyes. "Yeah. Thanks."

Water dripped on my right cheek. I looked up at the sky and so did Naruto.

"See what all your sulking did?" I smacked his head. "Now we have to go to the nearest town drenched and making squishy sounds while we walk!"

Thunder struck. The wind poured from the forest and bullied the river to flow faster. The pitter-patter of rain arrived, finally, to drown out the rest of the world. I leapt to my feet and kicked Naruto's shin. "Get up. We're leaving before you get sick. The River Goddess knows I suck at caring for sick children."

"Hey."

"What?"

Naruto scowled. His upper body twisted towards the vegetation to our left. " _Sasuke_."

I seized his arm. He yanked free, dashed across the gravel and disappeared into the darkness cast by the trees. "Sasuke!"

"Damn it, Naruto!"

I pursued him in the dimness of the forest, forcing my mind to dismiss the electrocuting pain rising from my ankle. The rain pushed my weight closer to the ground, and the forming mud only added to the burden that my body already was. I sustained sight of Naruto through his clothes – a blotch of orange that swelled and shrank amidst the gloom.

The presence we were pursuing had a steady aura – not something I expected from a cold-blooded person like Sasuke. Regardless of his calm demeanour, the curse mark on his neck should still be causing fluctuation in his chakra distribution.

Could this be a trap?

With one deft boost from a tree branch, I descended beside Naruto and hauled him back by the jacket. He toppled into the bush, preventing his collapse only by grabbing my vest.

"It's-!"

"-not Sasuske," I hissed.

A cloaked figure stood on the opposite end of the forest. With his clothes pressing onto his body, I determined his gender as male. A lean man with a height of 175 to 177 cm...I couldn't estimate right at this distance. A glistening on his face made me squint.

Round eyeglasses.

Clutching Naruto's collar to keep him rooted in place, I shouted, "Well, if it isn't Orochimaru's favourite servant."

Naruto snarled. "Kabuto!"

"I can't say that I'm pleased with this encounter." Kabuto brushed off his hood, revealing a smiling face that had not aged since we last saw him. "But it always excites me to see you, Naruto. I'm sorry I can't say the same to you, Lord Jiraiya."

"Where's Orochimaru?"

"Naruto, calm down."

"Listen to your master, Naruto." Kabuto removed his eyeglasses. "We all know that there's no merit in killing me. Why don't I answer your questions in exchange for my peaceful exit? I'm certain there are a lot of things you need clarification to, especially with the rebirth case now in Danzo's fists. I don't particularly like that man. If I could have it my way, I'd kill him and enjoy myself further with your silly attempts at saving Sakura and Sai."

Naruto's chakra nipped at my skin, its heat forming steam where the rain came in contact with him. I sidestepped to shield him lest he be lost in an outrage due to Kabuto's cunning smirk. "Silly, eh?" I said. "I bet you drew out plenty of conclusions from our progress."

"Perhaps." Kabuto shrugged, a thoughtful expression settling on his face. "But not enough. Your spy was discovered before she could do us the ultimate favour. Had Kakashi Hatake not murdered Anko Mitarashi, Sakura and Sai would already be in our possession and Danzo would not have had the opportunity to use them against Lady Tsuande. My master hates the prospect of having her die in such a lousy manner. He prefers to be the one to extract the life out of her...make her scream so loud that it would be the only sound he'd hear for a long time...yes, that's how he put it. Oh, it seems I said the wrong thing. Don't look so mad, Lord Jiraiya. I've learned from our previous battle that Lady Tsunade isn't the easiest person to abduct. My master's liking of her has already drifted, seeing as she'll be executed by her own village soon. I'm assuming, however, that if you vow to exchange Sakura and Sai to Orochimaru, he'd be happy to help spare Konoha from Danzo."

I forced my lips to remain stationary, neither arching upward nor downward. "And if we refuse?"

He pouted. "I suppose Shikamaru Nara is an alternative we can consider."

Naruto appeared above Kabuto, his leg colliding with Kabuto's head and forcing him into the ground. Two pairs of shadow clones emerged from the trees with the Rasengan in full bloom. Kabuto raised his hand to us and smiled before his face coiled and melted under the force of the Rasengan.

Shoving Naruto to the bush, I unravelled a scroll in the air and slammed my palm against it. Thick swirls of green wind spurted from the scroll and clashed with the clouds of fire that Kabuto had summoned. A cacophony of burnt coal, magnesium, and sulphur spread, submerging me in nausea.

"Naruto, cover your mouth and nose!"

The green and orange mist dispersed. A crater replaced Kabuto, containing shreds of his cloak and shards of his eyeglasses as evidence of his ghost. As infuriated as he made me, I couldn't deny that this encounter had been helpful.

Orochimaru was still interested in the case but he was more interested in getting his hands on Sakura and Sai. They would make up for the dead bodies from Takeo's program that he had experimented with.

I craned my neck to check on Naruto. He had his left arm over his nose and his eyes focused on the crater. Once the last traces of the mist had vanished, he lowered his arm and said, "I didn't want to consider it...but..."

"Orochimaru is too weak to join the party back in Konoha."

"He doesn't have to." Naruto's pupils dilated and contracted. He swung his fist on the nearby tree, cutting it in half. He retracted his fist and let the tree lean on its neighbours. "Sasuke knew that Sakura was the target. He fucking knew, that's why the rebirth was so effective on Sakura – that's why Kabuto's so confident that they can get her without having to attack Konoha. Sasuke knows we'll be coming after him. Sasuke, you..."

 **Shikamaru:**

Ayano inhaled and exhaled, breathing in the tension and converting it to her advantage. "My mother is Aiko Hyuuga and she was a jounin of the Hidden-Leaf. She participated in an S-class mission that sparked a conflict between Suna and Konoha. You know about it, certainly. Four families were travelling back to Suna and got caught in the battle between my mother's squad and the rascals that had been plaguing the main route east of the Fire Country's border. Konoha compensated for your loss, only to find out later that those families aren't actually common villagers."

"No, this fact wasn't disclosed to anyone who wasn't part of that mission. I merely heard this from my father and Lord Hiashi when I was a little girl. They had no idea I was eavesdropping on them. That group of people from Suna were high-ranking shinobis who were posing as travellers for the purpose of concealing your hunt for an ancient sepulchre. You lost a couple of Sand ninjas but Aiko Hyuuga lost the child in her womb during that battle – the same child that was supposed to be the heir to the Nara clan. Still, she dismissed her right to trash Suna's accusations against Konoha and received punishment for your 'casualties'."

"I'm certain that incident had postponed your endeavours to find that sepulchre and had stolen whatever opportunity you hoped would boost Suna's financial capabilities. I am also certain that when you attempted to locate the sepulchre again, your efforts proved futile. Even today, you are stuck in debt and incapable of launching any necessary offense against other villages. You are financially crippled...but I have a bargain that will change that."

There was the slightest movement in Gaara's eyes as he stared at her from behind his desk.

Ayano pressed her right temple with her finger, fighting back her Byakugan. "My mother located the sepulchre. She located it and committed suicide years later. My father found out about her ventures and tried to uncover her ploy. Until now, nobody has been able to figure out where she could have hidden the map that led to that burial vault Suna and Konoha had always been adamant to thieve on."

Gaara rose from his chair. "You are talking about the sepulchre of the feudal lord with the golden crown."

"Yes, the very feudal lord whose roots can be traced back from the forefathers of Suna and also Konoha," she said. "You see, the tragedy of Aiko's unborn child led to the annulment of her engagement to Shikaku Nara, Shikamaru's father. She pursued the discovery of that sepulchre in order to help Shikaku gain the approval of his family; nonetheless, the death of their child destroyed her purpose for doing so. After she married and gave birth to me, she sent a traditional Nara box to Shikaku to commemorate their dead child. Shikaku Nara buried it in their forest and Shikamaru recently stumbled upon it. I don't find it surprising that the Naras never guessed that Aiko Hyuuga made that box for a greater purpose. She still wanted Shikaku Nara to be the hero that bares unprecedented wealth to our village. But Suna has a right to that wealth, doesn't it? After all, nobody has been able to settle the debate of whether that feudal lord was truly from the Sand or the Leaf. I want to make a bargain. Intervene in Konoha now and I'll make sure that the box lands safely in your hands. Konoha doesn't have to be made aware and no dispute will arise as to the riches that Suna will enjoy."

Temari and Kankuro, who were standing on either side of Gaara, shared a glance. Kankuro frowned at Ayano. "I hope you were smart enough to bring proof, little girl."

"The map was last sighted at the border of Suna's desert." She glimpsed me from the corner of her eye and took assurance in my nod. She stretched her fist towards Gaara and uncoiled her fingers, revealing my rubber band. "A Sand shinobi obtained the map but was ambushed by powerful bandits on his way back to Suna. He survived and was able to divulge the map's appearance. He told Suna that it was made of fibre woven together to form a pattern. This is what the Nara's traditional bands look like. They, too, are woven from fibre. It is the perfect form of deception and my mother knew that. Please. If I were lying, I wouldn't have this information. The interference you will make in Konoha will earn Suna the map that leads to that ridiculous golden crown and the gems the feudal lord had embedded on it out of vanity. Furthermore, you'll find the legal documents to the land that the feudal lord owns. Suna will expand."

Tentatively, Gaara's forefinger hooked the band from Ayano's palm. He lifted it to his face. "Leave," he said.

I leaned my weight on the cane in my hands, feeling my energy drift upon hearing that one word. Kakashi gripped my elbow to support me.

Gaara stripped his eyes from the band and turned to look at me. "Leave my office. I'll give you my decision after I've discussed this matter with my advisers."

Ayano gasped, her ashen face now blotched with red on the cheeks. Kakashi reached for her arm and pulled her out the door with our group. "Thank you, Lord Kazekage. We'll be outside when you need us."

 **Neji:**

Sai rolled back and fro the bed, screaming as he ripped the tubes and the needles attached to his limbs. Two medics rushed into this side of the chamber and ordered me to stand back. The male medic jumped on the bed and pinned Sai's arms over his head while the female medic filled a syringe with a sedative.

I held onto the metal shelf beside me for support. In my current state, there was no way I could assault him and stay alive long enough to force Danzo to kill me. My toes, my knees, my shoulders, and my head pounded with the escalating friction of our situation.

Sai's screaming stopped. He yanked his body upwards and hit the man's head with his own. The woman dropped the syringe and made a hand formation. In movements so swift and precise, Sai leapt off the bed, clung to the metal bar from which the division's cloth hung, tangled his legs around the woman's neck and rotated his entire body.

The snap of broken bones deafened me. Her corpse fell forward and hit the bedpost before colliding with the linoleum. Sai used his toes to scoop a scalpel from the metal tray beneath him.

The man grabbed the pillow to shield his chest from the blade darted at him.

I dove across the floor and under the bed, catching the poisoned needle by its body. Calloused hands seized my ankles and dragged me out. Twisting, I fastened my leg around the enemy's head and stabbed his eye.

The face in front of me was pure white and red. It was only through his clothes that I realized I had used my only weapon on the male medic.

Sai hauled the dead man off me and released my other ankle. I suppressed a wince when my heel hit the floor. He turned the scalpel in his hands, bent over me, and pressed the blade against my throat. "Activate your Byakugan."

His stance, firm and strategic, disabled even my ease of breathing.

Sai's own breath came out as a hiss. "Neji, look at my pathways! Now!"

I shut my eye and forced chakra to penetrate the narrowed veins that instigated the Byakugan. Opening my eye, the world became a sketch of black and white.

Sai spread his arms sideways, opening himself to be scrutinized.

My Byakugan receded. I dropped my head to the floor. "The reversal jutsu worked..."

"Root will be arriving soon," he whispered. "Tell me the situation."

I crawled to a sitting position and scanned the perimeter using the Byakugan. "They're on their way here. We've got one minute."

Sai snatched my shirt and ordered me to look at him, at the young man with pale complexion, dark pupils, black hair dangling to his jaw line, and dread taped over his mouth. There were too much contradicting emotions on his expression at once. "Tell me now!"

"Lady Tsunade put you and Sakura in a coma to make your deaths seem incidental. Danzo managed to save the both of your through surgery. He plans to use the rebirth of Kana and Ryo to execute Lady Tsunade and become the Sixth Hokage. Sakura recently awoke and if she's turned into Kana, we're doomed."

He rubbed his forehead, perhaps in an attempt to calm his mind.

"Sai, are you sure that Ryo's gone?"

"All I'm sure of is that I'm here. Right now."

"Attack me."

"What?"

"Attack me," I said. "It will force Danzo to return here to handle the situation. Pretend you are still Ryo. Demand for Kana. I'm sure he'll forget about Sakura. You are proof enough for the elders to execute the Fifth. He'll present you to them, during which you will deny the rebirth case and pretend to have forgotten recent events."

Sai gaped. "We discredit Danzo."

"Yes."

"And Sakura?"

"The reversal jutsu has to work on her before Danzo resorts to her as proof."

"Root's here." Sai grasped a handful of my hair, raised me off the floor, and mouthed an apology.

 **Shikamaru:**

My ears swelled from the stories it had absorbed from Ayano's mouth. Images of dad enveloped me – of his slouched figure on the staircase, despondent by the news of his dying son. Perhaps it wasn't only my heart condition that depressed his spirits, although it certainly served as trigger. It must have been heavy for him to carry the burden of Aiko's suicide. He spent all these years believing that he was at fault for her death.

I had confronted Ayano about it before Kakashi and I permitted her plan.

'No,' she had told me. 'Mother killed herself because Lord Hiashi discovered her secret. She was afraid that he would inform the Hokage and they would use the people she loved against her...as hostages...people like me and Shikaku Nara. She's got your father involved in her ploy and she didn't want to destroy him or your mother or my father or me. Suicide was her only choice.'

As I gazed at her now, I understood her motivation for wanting to die the correct death. For her, death should not be for the few people we loved but for the entirety of the village we considered our home. She loved and hated Aiko in equal measure – nobody could wrong her for that.

Ayano transferred her attention to Kakashi, who was pacing in front of the door, then at me. "Did I do good, Shikamaru?"

I dropped to the wooden chair beside her. There was no getting used to the dullness of the rooms here in Suna. If Temari placed us here for suspense, I wouldn't at all be surprised. She was a cruel woman. "You did well, Ayano. Don't mind me. It's the ambiance and the sand and the lack of air that's causing my headache."

"Is it accompanied by chest pains?"

"Nothing to worry about, really." I yawned. "Besides, it's Kakashi who can't stop moving."

He stopped pacing and wriggled his leg in the air. "I've got stitches. Nohara exhausted her chakra in reconstructing my fractured talus bone. She had to stitch my other injuries instead."

Ayano unbuttoned her sling bag and brought out a pill. She popped it into her mouth, the crunching sound it produced prompting by stomach to complain of starvation. "I'll heal the wound and fix the stitches," she said. "We'll be moving out soon, no matter what the Kazekage's decision may be."

"Consuming too much of those pills will harm your heart and your brain."

"Kakashi's right, Ayano."

She flexed her fingers. "We'd rather have that than be incapacitated during battle."

Kakashi fell quiet as he stared at her, forcing her to inquire if he didn't want medical attention at all. He said, "Did you eavesdrop on your father and Lord Hiashi or were you tasked to determine the map's location?"

Ayano froze halfway up her seat. She fell on her chair again. "...Father doesn't have to know about the Nara box or this bargain. I'll tell him that I failed and the map may be gone for good. I'm used to the beating. It's safer for everyone, anyway."

I put my hand on her back, thoughtful of the fragile being I was touching. "We'll figure something out once we're back to normal. It's my responsibility, too."

"Asuma would have loved to hear you say that, Shikamaru."

"I bet it would make him cry for days."

Ayano's expression hardened. She snapped her head at Kakashi. "Since we're in the topic of honesty, I demand to know who this other 'good friend' of yours is – the one who was supposed to give us refuge."

"Oh." Kakashi dragged a chair to our corner and rolled up his trousers to reveal his stitches. "That's Master Jiraiya. He didn't want to be left out of the case but he also didn't want to risk Naruto. He wants to help us in whatever way he can. Naruto...well, it would be better if he concentrates on keeping himself alive."

"Does Master Jiraiya know we're here?"

"Nohara dropped off a message in the rendezvous point of Master Jiraiya's choice. He'll get the message soon enough."

I sank on my chair as lousiness replaced my annoyance. I was too tired to hold grudges. "After all we've been through and you still withhold information from us."

The knock on the door jolted us to silence. Red hair and clothes flashed a contrast against the bare lighting in the hallway. Gaara swept the room with his gaze and said, "Move out. We're saving Konoha."

He shut the door.

The moments that followed were spent in repelling the shock that had consumed us. Kakashi chuckled. He shook Ayano's hand. Ayano embraced him instead, which paralyzed him, and she whipped around to embrace me as well.

With her skinny arms around my neck and her weight pulling me down, a fantasy of Yutsuki Nara at fifteen years old engulfed me. I placed my hand at the back of her head, feeling my little sister's presence vivify while mine drifted into nothingness.

My vision dimmed. I could almost see the orange specks of light from Asuma's cigarette and smell the tobacco that I had learned to love.


	42. Chapter Forty-One

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Forty-One**

 **Tsunade / Kakashi / Temari**

 **Tsunade:**

Konoha maintained a careless quiet that would shatter the second they learnt of my crime. My eyes could not strip themselves from the empty mahogany desk in front of me. On the blank expanse of wood, I drew a picture of Akiyoshi with his innards exposed to the probing of my gloved hands. His blood dripped from my fingers and onto the floor, mimicking the melody that the rain orchestrated outside.

The blood would not stop dripping. Biting off my gloves, I lifted my hands towards the light and saw that it was not Akiyoshi's blood, after all, but mine.

A rhythmic rap on the door aroused me from this trance. I wondered who would dare interrupt my solitude. Had Danzo come with the executioners? Had Shikaku and Inoichi escaped from their containment cells to tell me that, by some miracle, we had won?

A female's voice called my name.

I straightened on my chair and permitted the person to enter.

The door swung inwards. Sakura stepped inside as a thirteen year old girl wearing a bashful smile and a cunning gaze.

I leaned back on my chair, aware now that I was dreaming. Sometime between my sulking and my brainstorming, sleep managed to eat my consciousness. This was not good at all. Nevertheless, I tipped my head to the side to peek behind her, curious as to what she could be hiding from me.

"What have you got there, Sakura?" I said. "You know I don't like surprises."

She glanced at the open door and whistled. Two boys jogged into the room and stood at either sides of her. The ashen faced boy with black hair and grey trousers nudged Sakura forward. "Go on!"

His meekness struck me. "Sai?"

Sakura stomped on the other boy's foot. "Akiyoshi, _you_ do it!"

Akiyoshi rolled his eyes and snatched the object from behind Sakura. The three of them stopped fidgeting and focused their gazes on me. Akiyoshi raised the scalpel in the air, his lips curling and his teeth baring to form a grin. "We've come to return the favour, oh Tsunade."

A continuous banging made me jump on my seat. Reality's breath cleansed me of the dream and the next I truly opened my eyes, the three children were gone. The office lay barren before me; nothing but an empty space for an empty woman.

The door vibrated. The banging nipped my eardrums. "Who is it?" I called.

"Lady Tsunade, the Konoha Council has summoned you."

"Tell them I'm on my way."

"Yes, milady."

 **Kakashi:**

The disadvantage of keeping Konoha Prison at a far distance from the village proper was that the guards hardly knew when a shinobi of bounty was penetrating their territory. Surely, Danzo had placed an impressive amount of money on my head to motivate the weaklings that had participated in the hunt.

Any decent shinobi would hesitate to go against a man with the Sharingan.

Despite my efforts to remain humble, I could not help but be grateful for the reputation I had built over the years. It made the prison guards more wary than suspicious of me.

The Konoha Prison's warden had caught a flue days prior; hence there was only his next in command to welcome me. The entire three minutes that this bulbous shinobi consumed in descending the metal staircase nearly forced me to resort to violence. After all, violence produced results faster than peaceful communication did.

When, finally, the officer was standing in front of me, I lifted a parchment to his face. His swollen eyes widened and he ordered for the guards to return to their posts. The bulge of his cheeks reddened, as though the parchment was a torch against his flesh.

"You've already delayed me enough," I said, before he could scrutinize the details of this 'confidential mission'. "This document states everything you need to know. Burn it immediately and tell no soul of it. The consequences of tampering with my mission will cost you a great deal."

"O-of-of course!" He ran his handkerchief across his forehead with his right hand and crumpled the parchment in his left. "Shall I lead you to the prisoner you seek?"

"Very well."

He nodded, as though to assure himself that he was doing a good job. I hoped he'd stop moving altogether. His bloated lips and double-layered chin squeezed my stomach tight, pushing bile up my throat. Adrenaline crowded my bloodstream as we climbed three flights of stairs to the fifth floor.

The pig in uniform sorted the keys that hung on a leather belt strapped across his chest. "Mr. Shikaku Nara had warned us of this man's mental instability. He hurt himself during his last interrogation. I quite understand why you were chosen to handle such a dangerous criminal." He snorted in delight upon finding the right key. "Here we go!"

Snatching the rusted key from him, I inserted it into the keyhole and pushed the door aside.

The pig stumbled backwards, offended but wordless. I slipped half of my body inside the cell and looked back at him. "I will need no assistance on my way out."

His gawp waned to a stare. 'Y-yes, sir."

Had he noticed a detail in my bearing that gave away my true intentions? If so, I couldn't take long here.

A deafening clangour reverberated in this metal encased room as I shut the door. My thoughts drifted to Rin and to the flock of sparrows I had released to fly over the Hokage tower. She must have seen them by now. She must be ecstatic over our victory in Suna.

Rin, be safe. The moment I lose you would be the moment I lose myself.

The man lying at the centre of the room coughed. His tan skin shimmered with sweat. The maroon jumpsuit stuck to his body like dew on a withered leaf.

He shifted on the floor as much as his shackles allowed him to move and he raised his head to see me. His bare arms, bulked with muscles and coloured by scars, were stretched above his head and pressed down by the boulders connected to his manacles.

Two overlapping manacles bound his ankles together on the floor. It was not a restriction used on every criminal that was capable of ninjutsu. No, this pose they had forced him into was designed to restrict all possible manner of mustering his chakra. Stretched and twisted like that, his pathways were due to malfunction soon. This was the alteration in the criminal treatment that Lady Tsunade had enforced last year. Although her sense of justice was understandable, I could relate to the vacillation that the lower councilmen donned during the initial phase of this law's authorization.

She planned to incapacitate criminals that posed a certain degree of threat. She planned to do it through silent torture.

An absence of life in the vivid blue of his pupils hindered me from making a swift approach.

He had seen the rebirth.

He loathed the rebirth.

I crouched next to him and said, "Hiroshi, do you want to free Kana's soul?"

 **Tsunade:**

Homura Mitokado and Koharu Utatane sat abreast on the couch. The stench of senile authority choked me even when I turned my head away from them.

On my side of the room, sitting alone on this vintage couch, I felt like a rabbit cornered by a snake that donned the facade of righteousness. Could I have been wrong all along? Was this my doing and not Orochimaru's?

Koharu sipped her tea. "Tsunade."

"What was that again?"

"We asked about the casualties of the explosion," Homura said. "This is not the time to toy with us. Young and excellent shinobis – including Shizune and Yamato – were nearly killed because of those bombs."

"Are you interested in their health or in the bombs?"

They glanced at each other; their brows lowered over sunken eyes. Homura set down his cup. "Both."

I crossed my legs and brought out a flask of sake from my robe. "Where do I start? Ah, I think I should begin by pointing out that I maximized the miniscule amount of time you gave me to save ten dying people - all of which suffered from third degree burns and excessive blood loss. It also helped that you gave Danzo permission to transfer them to the containment area. I feel as though, after years of medical service to Konoha, I've been demoted to the emergency room – what with the way you forced me to handle their case. It wouldn't surprise me if they all die. Imagine the outrage their clans will be in. Their young ones have been stripped off the care of the Fire Country's best medic because Konoha Council suspects that same medic of plotting against them. It doesn't count that she's the Hokage."

"You withheld the case from us."

"What case?" I said. "The real case or the rebirth case?"

"Whichever the case, you allowed Sakura Haruno and Sai to dwell in the open. What's more, you concealed Sai's condition from his superior."

I gulped down the contents of the flask, hoping that the sake's warmth would help me gain full control of my temper. How badly I wanted to rip this flask apart. "That tastes good. Would you like to add sake to your tea?"

"Tsunade!"

"I'm the supreme commander of this village!" Slamming the flask on the table, I flicked my eyes to them and added, "Sai answers to me. Root is not even supposed to exist, is it? Danzo broke the law and you tolerated him because he feeds your greed for a more militant system of ruling Konoha. You think that by restraining Shikaku Nara and Inoichi Yamanaka, you can get away with twisting the truth and turning it against me. Well, I'm sorry for disappointing the lot of you – no matter what you do, you will find nothing that will add substance to that rebirth shit. If the only reason you are insisting on that lie is because you prefer Danzo as Hokage, go ahead and arraign me. Let's see how Konoha reacts to that."

The pearls from Koharu's hair pin stopped swinging. The lines around her eyes curved deeper as she exhaled. Finally, she said, "Akiyoshi."

Chakra retracted from my fingertips. I folded my arms against my chest to hide the paling of my nails. "Is that the crap that Danzo used as basis to conduct this investigation?"

"We'll ask you again, Tsunade – was there a rebirth case?"

The tang of sake on my taste buds defused. "No," I said.

Homura removed his eyeglasses and wiped the lenses with his scarf. "Don't make this any harder for us, Tsunade. For the final time – was there a rebirth case?"

I jumped to my feet.

They had proof. I should have seen this coming. Their intonation, their posture, their choice of words, their calm demeanour – everything about this reeked of my demise. A trap. I had failed to foresee this trap.

Footfalls in the hallways struck my ears. I rounded the couch and marched towards the door. I reached for the knob. It twisted. I withdrew my hand, suddenly frightened of the sight that would greet me.

The door stood ajar for a moment.

With my breath held captive in my throat, I pulled it wide open.

Danzo pressed his cane forward and stepped into the room. He nodded at me. "Tsunade."

A shadow in the corridor stole my attention. Its length traced back to a man of plain black and white. His porcelain skin, burnt and cracked around his left eye, glistened in the sparse lighting. Fresh bandage covered a bleeding wound on his shoulder. Neji bowed his head as well. "Lady Tsunade."

My arm fell to my side. The coldness of the metal knob had numbed my fingers. "What are you doing here, Neji?"

Danzo sidestepped to shield him. "The Hyuuga is here to testify to the truth," he said. "Would you like to hear it?"

"The-!"

"Or should we proceed to my report that Sai has woken up bearing a different soul?" He peered over my head and nodded at the Konoha Council. His clothes smelled of death. His breath was cold when they descended to my face. "You know that soul, I presume. It's the soul of the enemy you've hidden from us."

I opened my mouth and then wished I hadn't. The mute I had become only satisfied Danzo beyond even his own expectations. Before he could accost me again, Neji entered the room and touched my forearm, startling me.

"Lady Tsunade," he murmured. "You are not a bad person. You told me once of a dream. I want you to know that I'm still in pursuit of it."

The mention of dreams did not provoke any positive image in my head, as I supposed he intended. He spoke of the dream Inoichi had given them during their surgery, I knew. Yet it was my dream from earlier – the one that contained Akiyoshi, Sakura, and Sai – that ate at my strength. I saw them in the corridor, waving me over, tempting me to walk to my own death.

How many people would die if I gave in to these children's request for revenge?

Would Jiraiya stomp on my grave if he found out that I surrendered to Danzo?

Would Naruto call me useless?

"Stupid dream," I spat, yanking my arm away from his touch.

He gripped his wounded shoulder. "Sir, we should bring Sai in now. This madness should not be allowed to last longer."

I snickered. I chuckled, and then I exploded to laughter. What was I laughing about? Could it be that I was uncertain if I got Neji's message correctly? Could it be that I was incapable of trusting anyone with my life? I walked to the couch and plopped on it, waving my hand in the air. "Go ahead! Waste my time. I've had enough practice signing documents in the middle of the night. My workload as Hokage has no end, anyway."

Danzo's directed his frown at Neji.

Homura and Koharu ordered Danzo to bring in Sai so they could see the rebirth for themselves.

A kunoichi appeared on the doorway, flushed and panting. All heads turned to this woman. She bent on her waist and apologized for her interruption. "I have an urgent matter to report to the Fifth," straightening to her full height, she cleared her throat and announced that the Kazekage, along with his party, was waiting outside of Konoha's gates.

 **Temari:**

The danger that loomed over this visit was tremendous. It took me three hours to select the best Sand Shinobis to act as personal bodyguards to the Kazekage. Mother and father knew that no forgiveness awaited me should another death befall Gaara.

Our party sported a diamond formation, Kankuro leading the front and I, guarding the back. Under normal circumstances, I would have insisted on taking the frontlines. My wind jutsus were of better use in fending an approaching enemy. Besides, I've led the pack so many times that it dented my pride to be relegated to the tip of the tail.

Shikamaru, after realizing that the change in our formation had been his fault, had muttered an apology to me when we set out to cross the desert. He didn't mean to be such a burden. I had reminded him that this entire endeavour would lose its purpose if he died. The Hyuuga pipsqueak was nearly obsolete of chakra. Shikamaru needed another source from which he could replenish his supply.

He had looked reluctant while I transferred my chakra to the reservoir at the back of his heart. When asked, he said that he hated owing debts – especially to a woman. I had retorted that the payment would be the success of his mission to save Sakura Haruno. After all, wasn't she his motivation to move his lazy ass? Shikamaru had grinned and said that he had his little sister-to-be to fight for as well. It silenced me to comprehend the loneliness that was eating him.

He couldn't even talk about Sakura Haruno.

In spite the exhibition of his usual lousiness, it was evident that his body was failing him. Kakashi had to carry him midway until he was due to depart for his own mission.

The rest did Shikamaru good, though. Now, as we stood before Konoha's gates, he looked neither lousy nor dying. I admired the engraving of the Sand's insignia on the forehead protector he donned. Suna would do better with a mind as great as his.

I wished with my whole heart Shikamaru wouldn't die.

"The Hokage is taking too long to receive us." I glanced at him, still unused to his short, brown hair and green eyes. I refrained from commenting on it. "Do you think...?"

"No." He coughed, licking the blood that spilled over his lower lip. "Impossible."

"From what I've heard, Danzo's been in the business of fantasizing the Hokage's position since forever."

Ayano tightened the knot at the back of her head, shifting the forehead protector high above her eyebrows. "Konoha has strict legal proceedings when it comes to dethroning a Hokage. It's never been used. No law official is eloquent in this arena."

From this distance, I could see Gaara shifting his weight from leg to leg. The journey must have exhausted him. He still suffered from episodes of losing the sensation in his toes. I hoped he would need no medical attention during the conference. "How will Kakashi enter Konoha? Your deviation from our party will be a piece of cake once we're permitted entry. Kakashi will have a harder time. You've got ANBUs standing on every inch of the wall."

"That's Root." Shikamaru rotated his head and his shoulders. "And there's no use questioning Kakashi's methods. Just trust him to be there."

"Will you survive?"

He looked at me, slightly gawking. "Are you worried for me?"

"I don't conjure up thoughts of Konoha in flames," I said. "I never had."

The muscles in his face relaxed, permitting a smirk to grace his lips. "Suppose this is the last time I see you," he said. He rubbed the back of his ear and lowered his gaze to the ground. "Thank you, Temari."

The gates of Konoha groaned. Dust swirled in the air as the double gates parted. All pairs of arms lifted to screen our heads from the dust that reigned on our group. A shadow loomed over us, blocking the light and the shower of particles. We raised our eyes to see that Gaara had summoned his sand to catch the dust.

In the midst of the gloom cast over our party, Shikamaru took a deep breath and asked Ayano if she was ready. She scoffed and answered that she'd fight to the very end.

The sand slithered back inside the gourd that hung on Gaara's back, exposing an open blue sky and a village hushed by the gravity of martial law. The Sand Shinobis reverted to their upright stance. Past the dozens of heads that filled our pyramid, I saw the familiar blonde of the Fifth Hokage. Three more elderly officials stood in the same line as her. I determined the man with the bandaged eye as Danzo.

Leaning over Shikamaru's shoulder, I whispered, "You're right; they haven't executed your Hokage yet. But their presence here means they've got her hostage, Shikamaru. What do you do now?"

 **Tsunade:**

I wasn't their hostage, I told myself as many times as I could without sounding like a lunatic even to myself. Neji prompted me of a plan that he had weaved while trapped in that containment area. Surely, he was relaying good news to me. I hadn't misinterpreted his statement for the sake of keeping calm. Neji was anything but a traitor.

The conference room enclosed me with anxiety. Seated opposite the Kazekage, I was grateful for the distance that the oak table provided. I felt like an ant that was due to be stomped on before it could cry for help. Any closer to the heat emanated by the situation and I would explode.

Danzo stood to my right. Homura and Koharu were seated to my left. What faithful advisers I had.

Gaara skimmed through the documents of the peace treaty that Kankuro had handed him. "We would have sent a messenger or a carrier pigeon to warn you of our visit but doing so would have been useless, seeing as your village is under martial law."

"The reception of carrier pigeons is not totally dissolved," I said. "They are merely received on the barricade instead of the Tower."

"So it is."

I brushed my bangs aside. "What future engagement is it that forced you to come here for the renewal of the peace treaty?"

He paused from flipping through a separate dossier to look at me. "Amendments are being made to our constitution. We're reviewing the legal manuscripts that our ancestors had passed on to our generation. They call it 'the revival of the Sand's true soul'."

The unsettling in my gut calmed. Temari, the wind-user, glimpsed me. I caught the act and wondered if Danzo did. Either way, he asked, "It sounds like an arduous project, Lord Kazekage."

Gaara filed the documents into one pile and pushed it across the table. "It holds promise. We owe it to our ancestors for leading us to the right path."

My fingers uncoiled from their fists to grab the files.

Gaara pulled the pile away from reach. "Before we renew the alliance...I won't mind if you enlighten me of Konoha's condition first. It seems to me that you're incurring damage that has called for the discipline of martial law."

"Fright of a terrorist attack was instigated by a series of explosions in the border." Danzo flattened his hand on the pile of documents. "This was necessary to assure the villagers that we have everything under control."

Gaara stared at Danzo's hand. He let go of the documents. "I see."

"The Fifth Hokage will sign it now." Danzo set the pile before me and motioned for a kunoichi from our group to deliver the same set of documents to Gaara.

Temari dipped a quill in ink and transferred it to Gaara's hand. He tipped it upwards as another thought dawned on him. "Included in that treaty is the case study that Sakura Haruno is doing for the joint medical research between our villages."

The members of our party fell quiet. I watched the ink drip on the oak and trace the wood's grooves. "Yes, I remember," I said. "It was part of our agreement. Unfortunately, she has been removed from my jurisdiction and was recently transferred to Danzo's. He is the person to talk to now."

Gaara blinked at me, as though in awe, and looked up at Danzo. "I would like a report on the case study's progress before this peace treaty is renewed."

"That is currently impossible, Lord Kazekage."

"Why?"

"Sakura has suffered from injuries relating to the bombing at the border of the Fire Country," Danzo said. "We managed to save her through surgery, but she's currently unable to do more than open her mouth and beg for water."

"The case study is long overdue." Gaara put down his quill. "I cannot sign this peace treaty. Konoha is unfit for this alliance. A martial law, a terrorist attack, and a failed agreement. What reason do we have to proceed with this?"

Danzo leaned his weight on my chair, his knuckles pressing against the back of my shoulders. "It will be Suna's loss to depart from Konoha's reaches, Lord Kazekage. You would be wise to seek the counsel of your advisers before issuing such hasty conclusions. You may be a powerful shinobi, but only experience will prove to you the significance of having an ally like Konoha to support you."

Temari stepped forward. "You are not in the position to insult him."

"You are not in the position to be posing demands on Konoha," countered Danzo. "The reality is that Suna owes Konoha a massive debt in multiple aspects. We are kind to be allowing this intrusion during a time of distress in our village."

"Is she no longer the Hokage?" Gaara squinted at me, his black eye-rings adding to the severity of this action. "You are not usually speechless, Lady Tsunade."

I gripped my quill and signed the first page of the treaty. "Suna may owe Konoha for the assistance we've been giving them, but we owe them money for the joint medical research – money that has already been spent and cannot be returned. Sakura Haruno's case study utilizes the herbs that Lady Chiyo cultivated in Suna. Due to the promise that it held, Suna has donated a substantial amount of money to its materialization. Unfortunately, only Sakura Haruno has the drafts of the case study's progress. Shizune, my assistant, is still recovering from third degree burns to the torso and the thighs and is therefore unable to make a report. Aside from her, only Sakura can give you what you want. Danzo will see to it that she's herself again as soon as possible. You'll be pleased with her discoveries, certainly. Am I correct, Danzo?"

After several moments, he said, "Yes."

It must have cost him willpower beyond what his entire being possessed to mutter that one word.


	43. Chapter Forty-Two

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Forty - Two**

 **Shikamaru:**

The clouds drifted...and they were perfect. I laid on the pasture of the Third Training Ground with my arms and legs spread apart, cherishing these few seconds of peace before the storm. The grass poked every inch of me. The ink crept beneath my fingernails, embedding themselves in the comfort of my skin.

It had only been an hour since Ayano and I diverted from Suna's party, and yet it felt as though I'd been lying here forever. Despite the rush of adrenaline triggered by our silent venture to the Third Training Ground – a venture characterized by five instances wherein we should have been discovered but weren't – my body sported an equanimity that I had never encountered before. What was happening to me? Why were my thoughts so soft?

Ayano entered my field of sight, blocking the sun like an angry, grey cloud, alerting Konoha of rain. "You've finished?"

Lifting my head, I turned to the right and saw the manmade pond she had summoned. Reflections of the surrounding trees coloured the water. She was clearly done with her share of the workload. I dropped my head and put my hand above my heart. Don't stop. Not yet.

Ayano scanned the scrolls I had written on. "This better work. The Kazekage cannot stall Danzo's triumph for long."

"At least he can't kick Lady Tsunade from her office yet," I grumbled. "She can stand her own ground. She just needs the right amount of assistance."

"I saw the birds that Kakashi released to signal Nohara of our progress."

I rose to my elbows and stared at the open scrolls splayed around me. The dried ink in my fingernails felt alive again, nipping at my flesh the way my blood did after I drew the blood seal around the pond the first time. Nohara must be in the containment area now, searching for Sakura and Sai.

"Shikamaru!" Ayano dropped to her knees and held my head. Her hands cupped my face, their coldness merging with my skin. "You're bleeding. No. No. Please. Stay with me."

She lowered my head on her lap and unfastened my vest. "You're not going to die. Shikamaru, don't close your eyes, please. Stay awake. Just a couple of hours more and this will be over. Shikamaru?"

She pumped my chest, and with this force came a surge of chakra so strong that I had to cough. Ayano's complexion faded into a whiteness that was inhumane. Her Byakugan found their focus in my pathways, and this time her eyes did not bleed.

Teardrops on my cheeks engulfed me with warmth. I groaned, shifting on the ground to bear with the heat that was curdling in my limbs. "Ayano, what are you doing?"

"You have to live," she said. "You can have all my chakra if that's what it takes."

"We need your chakra elsewhere!"

"This plan cannot work without you!"

"I am dying anyway!" I squeezed her fingers and lifted them off my chest. "It's okay, Ayano. It really is."

 **Jiraiya:**

I grazed my right foot on the boulder and turned it over. A thick layer of soil hugged its underside, giving shelter to a family of worms. I peered over my shoulder. "Naruto, you can stop sulking now."

His eyes flickered to the piece of silver coin that I had plucked from beneath the boulder. It gleamed when sunlight kissed its surface. "What's that?" he asked

"A message." Releasing the concealing jutsu, I blew the white puffs of fog away and examined the parchment on my palm. The code ignited a heat in my head that I could not contain. My temples throbbed at the knowledge of their plan. "Kakashi and Shikamaru's going on the offensive."

"You could have told me you were coordinating with –!"

"Stop your blabbing, kid." I crumpled the parchment and let it burn in my grasp. Loosening my fist in the air, I waited for the wind to carry its ashes far from me. The mountainside maintained a quiet that I did not like. A forest away from us, our village stood on trembling ground. "Naruto," I said. "If I were to allow you to come with me, will you be ready for the chance that we'll fail?"

"I don't care!" He clutched my sleeve and dragged it down, forcing me to bend to his height. "Listen, pervy-sage, I don't care if I end up in another prison cell and be ordered around by the likes of Danzo! What good is all this strength inside me if I can't even use it to save my friends?"

I thought of Tsunade, tripping in the mud on her way to see her brother's corpse. I thought of Minato and Kushina, of the day they told me they were having a child. This was another facade of war that had not dawned in my life. Too many people...too many people I loved. It was as if somebody twisted fate and commanded it to target everyone who mattered to me.

Naruto's quivering hand reminded me that there was a decision to be made.

"Let's get 'em," I said.

 **Rin:**

Twisting the hilt of my blade, I tightened my grip on it and pulled it out of the man's neck. Blood spurted to my face. I released his hair, letting him fall on the linoleum so he could stain it with red. The four other Root medics lay flat on the floor with the same hole in their necks. I tried to make our encounter as clean as possible, but Root's tactics made it difficult for me to kill them using my old methods.

Neji bent over the table at the nurse's station. I reached for the cut on his arm and concentrated chakra in that area. He glimpsed me but said nothing.

"So Sai is himself again?" I said.

He swallowed. "I pretended to ally with Danzo to gain the opportunity to kill Sai, but suddenly he goes on an outrage and kills the other medics and tells me that the reversal jutsu worked."

I couldn't suppress the scowl that surfaced on my face.

Neji winced. "I saw his pathways myself. He's Sai again."

"And when Danzo realizes you have tricked him, he'll resort to Sakura for proof."

He stepped back, moving his injured arm away from reach. "You are here on orders from Kakashi to murder Sakura."

I marched to the double doors of the containment chamber and ran my hand over the seal I had placed there beforehand. This was not good. Root could break this door as easily as a child could split a twig. With the amount of chakra I had left, I could not add another layer of ninjutsu to strengthen this temporary defense. Battle would be inevitable henceforth. Turning to Neji, I whispered, "Plans have changed. Kakashi sent me a signal this morning. The birds alerted me of his party's presence in Konoha, and the direction of their flight disclosed the location that he has in mind. He wants me to bring Sakura to the Third Training Ground."

The qualm in Neji's expression faded. Colour returned to his cheeks. "Suna is here. Danzo sent me away to check Sakura's pathways while they finished their business with the Kazekage. Did you know about Kakashi and Shikamaru's plan to involve Suna?"

"It was the only way to help the Fifth in keeping her post."

"How are you certain that those are Kakashi's instruction?"

I wiped my hands on my skirt; upset that it was dirtied so soon after I got the last stains off. "I was his teammate as a child. We've worked together in the war. The use of the sparrows is the predecessor of the carrier pigeons. It is communication without words. Do you doubt my affiliations?"

The veins surrounding his right eye protruded. His gaze shifted to my shoulder. "ANBU, indeed."

"You have not time to doubt me," I said. "Time is passing too quickly. Is Sakura still...?"

"In shock," he finished. "She didn't even blink when you barged in here and started killing the medics."

"Let me see."

Neji waddled to the division, his cane producing a clinking sound against the linoleum with every step. The sound, as subtle as it was, rang loud in my ears. There were too many people at risk in this mission. There were too many things that could go wrong. For once in my life, I was afraid again.

He pushed aside the division. "There she is."

Seated on the bed, naked for from the waist up, was a girl with short black hair and bony shoulders. Her skin clung to the length of her spine at each exhale. I inched closer to the bed, arrested not by her thinness but by the tattoo of a full grown cherry blossom at her back. A burnt cherry blossom.

"Why is she burnt?" I asked Neji.

He glanced at the dead bodies behind him and let go of the cloth that divided the chamber. "Earlier in the case, Kana's body incurred an injury while Ino Yamanaka and Miss Shizune were studying her. The same injury appeared on Sakura out of nowhere. I'm suspecting that Sakura's present burns are a result of Kana's cremation."

" _You cremated Kana_?" I hastened to Sakura's side and pressed my fingers between her breasts, feeling for her heartbeat. "What were they _thinking?_ "

"They needed to erase proof of the rebirth case."

"They neglected the connection that Kana and Sakura has!"

"But her burns are shrinking," Neji said.

I watched the crippled, black skin on her stomach wobble and recede to her bellybutton, replaced completely by a fresh layer of supple flesh. The same phenomenon happened all over her body. I brushed her hair with my fingers, spotting a few pink strands among the black ones. "Kana's completing her transformation. Sakura's fighting it but we have to hurry."

"Is Sakura gone?"

His inquiry paralyzed me. Slowly, I regained sensation in my limbs and proceeded to insert Sakura's arms in the sleeves of her robe. "She's in a daze. Can't you judge with your Byakugan?"

"One eye cannot do the job. I easily wear it out."

"She's in a daze." I tied a lace around her waist to secure the robe. Slapping her across the face, I said, "Sakura, listen to me. Wake up. We're leaving."

Her green pupils, darker now, quivered and met mine. "Leave?"

"Fight it, Sakura." I crouched in front of her and pulled her arm over my shoulder. Her body fell on my back. Neji steadied me as I straightened my legs. He adjusted Sakura on my back, asking if I could throw a couple of kunais and cast a jutsu with her added weight.

"Is there another way out of here?" I jumped once to test my mobility. "She's light, albeit I cannot measure my prowess accurately – not against Root."

Neji closed his right eye and told me to heal it. When I rejected his suggestion, he insisted that it was the only way he could use his Byakugan again. I admitted that he would go completely blind afterwards. With a deep breath, Neji exclaimed that he didn't care.

Konoha's fate was in our hands now. His life meant nothing to those of the villagers.

I covered his right eye with my palm. The green particles of my chakra spilled to his face, easing even the taut muscles of his neck. Once the healing was over, Neji opened his eye and activated his Byakugan. He announced that we had to leave this second.

The door crashed inwards. Splinters of wood spun across the floor. Neji dropped his cane and entered a fighting stance.

The fog of the crash cleared, revealing Sai. He raised his head and plucked his blades from the chest of the body he was kneeling on.

I bent my knees, ready to move in case this man was actually Ryo.

A black and white lion with curling mane emerged behind him. "You've been found out," he said. "I've killed the messenger before news went out to Danzo. Hurry!"

"It's Sai," Neji insisted on me.

"Cover us!" I patted his shoulder as I ran past him.

The lion leapt overhead and skewed to a halt several feet further on. Neji motioned for me to duck next to the wall. A barrage of kunai pierced the lion, filling the corridor with white mist in its disappearance.

Neji dipped to the ground and swung his leg outwards. A female landed on her back. Neji struck five vital chakra points in her body. She crashed on the floor. Two shadows flashed on either sides of him.

I released Sakura's wrist to form a jutsu.

The man unsheathed a dagger. The other seized Neji by the neck.

A movement at the corner of my eye led me to redirect my jutsu. Suddenly, it leapt to bite the head of the man with the dagger, forcing the other man to stumble back. What I thought was another lion was actually a dog. Its canines dipped and scraped the enemy's flesh until he could move no more.

Another shadow, one with a spiked crown, swung his fist to the man who held Neji. Neji whipped around to strike the enemy. The mist cleared and exposed a boy from the Inuzuka clan. He grabbed Neji by the elbow to help him stand. "You okay there?"

Neji gawked. "Kiba!"

Sai skidded across the corridor with his legs outstretched to sustain the gap between him and the man on top of him. Shooting forward, I hoisted my knee to the enemy's pelvis and caught his waist by the foot before he could collide with the ground. I launched him towards me and pressed my kunai directly to his heart.

Sai caught Sakura before she could slide off my back.

Two doors in the east of the containment area burst open. Seven Root members came out. A series of doors behind us broke apart, too, forcing us to lower to the bloodied floor.

An arm flashed in front of me and shoved me backwards. "Watch out!" its possessor called.

Pillars of wood cracked the cemented floor and ascended to the ceiling, barring us from the enemies on the other side of the hall. Shizune withdrew her arm from me and yelled for Choji, Kiba, and Lee to block the intersection on the west wing of the containment area.

Blood pooled on her bandaged neck. She grinned at me. "Go on! Yamato's got this area covered!"

Sai pulled me to stand. Neji checked Sakura for injuries while demanding to know what Shizune and the rest of them were doing.

"Isn't it obvious?" A bald female sporting seven stitches above her right ear stood beside Yamato. She formed a diamond with her fingers. "We're taking control! Steady Sakura, people. I'm here to make the journey easier."

Yamato dashed past us and called forth a block of wood to reinforce the pillars. Root's efforts to rupture it caused the walls to vibrate and to crack.

"Mind-transfer Jutsu!"

Ino Yamanaka collapsed. Hinata Hyuuga leaned Ino's body against the door. "We'll handle them," she shouted above the roar of the scuffle. "Go!"

Sai formed a hand seal and slammed his palm on an open scroll, giving life to a tiger. "Ino, ride it. Sakura's injured and cannot battle yet."

The black-haired Sakura that Ino had occupied saddled on the tiger. I peered inside her robe to check the cherry blossom. The blotches of burnt skin around it were healing, and they were healing fast.

Shizune and TenTen led the frontlines as we sprinted in the hallways. The girl donning twin buns materialized weapons with ease and commanded them to assault the enemy, generating sparks and clangour as blade rasped against blade. Shizune spat poisoned needles on the bare flesh of our pursuers.

The dying hope inside me went ablaze. We were near. The exit was within sight.

Ino screamed and gripped Sakura's hair. I dragged the tiger's tail until it halted. "Ino, what's wrong?"

"She's here!" Sakura's body jolted.

Sai, TenTen, and Shizune combined their chakras to destroy the confinement jutsu that blocked our way out. The thickness in the air dispersed. The confinement jutsu melted. Sunlight spilled onto the stairs and touched our feet.

Neji hoisted Sakura on the tiger through the waist. "Ino, release! You can't fight the rebirth!"

"Sakura!" Ino scratched Sakura's face as though doing so would help contact her. Ino's scream subsided. Sakura stopped breathing.

I placed my palm across her forehead. "Ino's gone. Sakura will wake up soon, but not as herself. Let's go."

Her eyes shot open. She seized my forearm, tangled her leg on the inside of my elbow and scooted off the tiger, pressing her weight on my entire left arm. The fracture of bones rippled tremors to my brain and dimmed my sight.

Shock. An expert medic initiating damage to the bones and tendons of another expert medic to stress the brachial artery and frustrate the pulmonary circulation. A scorching in my lungs impeded the flow of my thoughts. Shock.

Reflex led me to discharge chakra to stimulate my awareness once more, giving myself no chance to revert to shock to endure the pain. The tingling in my ears was a good sign. I gasped, completing my recovery, and saw Shizune and TenTen reclined on the stairs leading to the exit, unconscious. Sai and Neji's figures shrank in the distance and vanished in the depths of the forest.

Nobody warned me Sakura was that strong.

 **Neji:**

The forest was against us. Branch after branch seemed out of place, making it a challenge to land my feet on anything steady, more so to increase my speed. The leaves slapped against our faces. Sai and I flailed our arms to clear our path.

Sakura remained a vivid target ahead, often stumbling, often clinging to trees for balance. The ANBU called Nohara obviously did not expect to be assaulted – neither of us did. Sakura's swiftness and precision struck us dumb for the first few seconds of her attack. Shizune and TenTen certainly were of no match to her, considering their injuries. I hoped Sakura had not killed them. Were we to succeed on returning her to her true self, the guilt would consume her in an instant.

Sai waved at me.

I climbed to the canopy and let myself fall to his location. There was no faster way to arrive at a destination than with the help of gravity. Sai had slowed midway our pursuit. Though he sported a speed that I could not contend with due to my burnt leg, it was noticeable that the effort exhausted him as much as it did me.

He fell sideways, leaning on my back to stay upright. "I've worn myself," he admitted.

Wrapping his arm around my shoulder, I held onto his waist and told him to distribute his chakra equally into all parts of his body. His chakra distribution had surely been distraught by the rebirth jutsu and the reversal of his pathways; he had to put more thought into the happenings inside him.

"Quick." He wiped the sweat on his forehead. "To the Third Training Ground, correct?"

"She doesn't even know we're chasing her to our destination."

Sai and I bent our knees and leapt from tree to tree again, struggling and later managing to share our weight. I inclined my body sideways to redirect us east of the forest where Sakura had taken a moment to catch her breath. The change in her appearance was evident from my Byakugan's perspective. At a distance behind her, another figure approached.

"Who is it?" Sai asked, sensing the presence.

I squinted and answered that it was Nohara.

"The ANBU."

"No other."

"Is she to be trusted?"

"No use in deciding otherwise now." I loosened my hold on him and let go completely as we landed on a tree branch that offered the perfect vantage point. We were near enough to peer at Sakura pass the spikes of vegetation. "Kana is supposed to be _for_ Konoha," I muttered.

"She is panicking," Sai hissed. "Kana doesn't know what is happening. Sakura is probably in a war with her, too, over that body."

Nohara ascended to the canopy. She stood idly there, watching Sakura gather her composure. The second I lifted my eyes to view Nohara again, she was not there.

"What-?" Sai jumped to his feet.

Nohara flashed before Sakura and kicked her face. Sai hastened past the trees to catch her, but Nohara raced him to it and dragged Sakura by the hair. Leaping to a tree branch, she declared that we'd been treating her too nicely.

Sakura kicked the tree trunk and swung her body over Nohara with her leg stretched out and aiming for the face. Nohara released Sakura's hair and punched her stomach. Sakura flew north, breaking branches and collecting leaves in the process.

Sai, slouched and scowling, sped again to where Sakura was bound to fall.

"You're going to kill her!" I shouted at Nohara, who retorted that Sakura was too strong to comply with the reversal jutsu. It was either we make her unconscious or weaken her enough to conform to our plan.

In the distance, I could see that Sai had caught her arm before her bare feet could touch the ground. He hauled her up to him and embraced her. Sakura flinched and punched his head. Nohara and I dashed towards them.

Sai, hurt as he was, maintained a tight grip around her waist and coursed the forest until the clearing to the Third Training Ground was in view. Sakura encircled her legs around his, causing him to lose his balance and to trip. They rolled across the clearing, one on top of the other until their limbs separated and they skidded in opposite directions.

Within the shadows of the trees beyond the clearing, Shikamaru and Ayano waited.

 **Tsunade:**

The last three pages of the peace treaty rested beneath my palm. They lay flat on the table, perfectly still and harmless. On the first five paragraphs were the details of our joint medical research, and on the seventh line of the second paragraph was Sakura's name printed in bold, capital letters.

Danzo's knuckles against the back of my shoulder made me shiver with the images of his misdoings in the containment area. He was so convinced that I was evil and he was righteous.

Gaara, too, paused from signing the last three pages. When Homura inquired if he was unsatisfied with the contents of the treaty, he simply tipped his quill back and said, "I need more time to think."

Danzo rotated the cane in his hand. "Is there a reason for you to stall, Lord Kazekage?"

Temari's frown deepened. Kankuro glimpsed her. She couldn't help it – she turned her head towards the open window.

I followed her gaze.

Outside, Konoha stood in peace.

 **Shikamaru:**

Two people stumbled across the clearing. When Ayano declared that the couple was Sakura and Sai, my instincts instructed me not to believe her. The man sported longer hair than Sai did, and the woman had black hair. It couldn't be. Kana had black hair – not Sakura.

"It's them!" Ayano sprinted to the manmade pond.

Kakashi emerged from the darkness of the forest behind us and ran past me. Another man trailed him and took his position around the pond. Kakashi tossed him one of the scrolls. "Hiroshi!"

The man named Hiroshi caught the scroll and unravelled it.

Hiroshi. The man whom Kana truly loved.

Sai scrambled to his feet and ran towards Sakura. I opened my mouth to scream a warning at her.

Nohara entered the clearing and motioned for Sai to slow down. Sakura, crouched on all fours, urged her body to sit upright and her hands to form a jutsu. An ache in her expression pierced through me, telling me to gag because I would not be able to stomach the entirety of her pain.

Before her fingers could connect for a third formation, Nohara grabbed her hair and tossed her into the pond. "Kakashi!"

"Sai!" I warned them, my kunai firm in my grasp.

Neji pulled Sai back and shielded him with his arm. "It's the real Sai!"

Sai scanned the scene once and seemed to comprehend our agenda. He pushed past Neji and scooped up a scroll. Nohara did the same. They stood in a circle around the pond, the scrolls waiting in their hands.

Sakura bobbed her head, shaking the water off her face.

"Now!" I screamed, to which their response was to pitch the scrolls into the pond and direct their energy towards the summoning of the scripts. A blue light crawled off the same ink that stained my fingernails. They skirted the pond's circumference and submerged themselves in the water.

Sakura flailed about. Her eyes darted from one person to another, her lips parting to allow more air to enter her lungs. The robe clung to her body, the cloth outlining her features so that she could have been naked altogether.

Like the first rebirth ceremony, I thought. It was happening again.

Neji limped to the shade I was hiding under. "Root will be here soon!"

I dismissed the flesh of his eyelid that had melted to merge with his cheek. The explosion. I staggered closer to the pond and lent Neji my arm for support. He rested his weight on me. We watched the scribbles of light appear and disappear, like fireworks in the night sky that couldn't find the strength to stay.

"There's not enough power," I muttered to myself. There was no use stating the obvious to the active participants of the reversal jutsu. They were all fatigued and short on chakra. I closed my eyes and connected my fingertips. Even for the last time...please let me come up with something.

The trees wavered and stilled. I opened my eyes, and suddenly there were two more participants in the circle.

Master Jiraiya rolled out two, blank scrolls and copied the script that was already floating about the pond. He finished one and flung it to the person opposite him.

I smile overcame me. "Naruto!"

Naruto released the scroll into the pond and mimicked Kakashi's hand formation.

Master Jiraiya followed suit, immersing the pond with a surge of chakra that transformed the light to a metallic violet.

Sakura shrieked, ripping out her hair and sinking in the water. Her eyes bulged. Her mouth stretched to their limit. Her voice echoed throughout the forest, calling for the attention of unwanted people.

"Kana, let go!" Hiroshi cried. His fingers formed a jutsu different from that of the others, boosting the traffic of igniting chakra in the pond. "Let the girl go! This is not what you want!"

Sakura's outrage ceased and she turned to face Naruto. Streaks of pink flowed from her scalp to the tip of her hair. She straightened her fingers and trudged across the pond.

"No!" Neji toppled to the ground and yelled for Naruto to move. Kana was instructing Sakura to target the stimulants of her soul. She found Naruto. She was going to kill everyone like she told me she would.

Naruto sustained his pose. "Sakura! Sakura! You hear me, don't you?"

Sakura swung her arm back, her fingers stiff as claws. She darted it forward and collided with flesh.

Blood sprayed on her face. The excitement in her expression died, and she blinked at the girl she had stabbed.

Neji froze on the ground. A blade of grass fell off his chin.

Ayano descended to the outskirts of the pond, leaning her back on Naruto's leg to keep from entering the waters. Her Byakugan receded. She looked down at the hand inserted between her breasts. "S-Sakura..."

A softness touched Sakura's gaze, making her blink at the sight of the blood gushing from Ayano's mouth. The streaks of pink dominated her head now, leaving only strands of black on her bangs. She tugged her forearm out of Ayano's body.

Master Jiraiya cursed and announced that Root was closing in on us.

The reversal jutsu would not finish on time.

My legs found strength. I walked to the circle, welcoming the heat that accompanied the reversal jutsu. Kakashi saw me and ordered me to stand back. "Shikamaru! What are you doing?"

I dipped my right leg into the water. It was like bathing in snow. Sakura liked snow. It was Kana who hated it. I slogged through the density of the dark blue liquid; fighting the currents of electricity that separated me from the girl I had dedicated my life to saving.

Sakura stared at her bloodied hands. A teardrop trailed her reddening cheeks.

"Shikamaru!"

"Get out of there, Shikamaru!"

She looked at me, at last, and her arms dropped to her sides. I strained to see her face amidst the blinding lights dancing around us. Her scent was of cherry blossoms and rotten fruits and morphine, stinging my nose and scalding my lungs. She stared into my eyes, perhaps wondering, perhaps begging. There was little time to tell.

Wrapping her fingers around my kunai, I enclosed her hands in mine.

I sucked in a breath and drove the kunai through me. The blade cutting through my flesh felt nothing like I imagined it would. My forehead dropped on Sakura's shoulder, my blood dripping on her hand like rain.

I had seen a stirring in her soul the second after she stabbed Ayano. The real Sakura, drenched in guilt, had swelled beyond the barricade that Kana had established for her soul. Loss triggered too strong an emotion for Kana to fend off. Sakura would feel my death. If I were correct, I meant enough to her that my loss should trigger a response from the real Sakura.

I tugged her robe off her shoulders. The cherry blossom etched on her back shrivelled to a black dot at the base of her spine.

The black dot tore apart from her skin. It floated to the pond and sank.

Blood crept in-between my teeth. I smiled at her, almost laughing if I could, and told her, "Mission complete. Welcome back, Sakura."


	44. Chapter Forty-Three

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Forty – Three**

 **Shikaku:**

Yoshino poured tea into her cup and mine. She pushed mine towards me, the china silent when it scraped against the wooden table. Her fingers encircled her cup. She blew the steam away and lifted the cup to her lips. She paused, slammed it against the table, and said, "I wasn't even able to glimpse my son, Shikaku. Not even to say goodbye."

I turned my head away from the scullery and looked at her. "Neither was I, Yoshino."

"I trusted you to keep him safe!" She winced as the spilled tea on her hand finally stung her.

I walked to the refrigerator and took out a cold bag of beans. Pressing it inch by inch over her burn, I held my breath and closed my eyes. The memories were still there –still vivid.

Yoshino embraced my waist. She sobbed against my rib. "Tell me. Everything. I want to know what happened in Konoha after you sent me to my sister," she said. "Lady Tsunade promised you would."

"So much happened," I said, wiping the tear that clung to the corner of my left eye. "So much happened. S-so much did. I only bothered to know the details after I...well, after I dealt with Shikamaru. Inoichi wasn't any better. The explosion at the border left Ino bald and bleeding from a head injury. She had stitches above her ears. He thought she would die. I think that girl's hair is starting to grow again, but very slowly. Like the grass in the meadow in front of our house. You remember that, don't you?"

Yoshino breathed into me, as though inflating my lungs to keep it functioning. Her quivering arms rooted me to the present. She was so real and so hurt that I could not allow myself to sink into the memories of the past several days. I stroked her head and continued. "Danzo found out about the rebirth case and he wanted to use it against the Fifth. She put Sakura and Sai in a coma to prevent them from providing evidence to Danzo's claim. I've set everything up to make it seem like there was no rebirth case. I cremated Kana and Ryo. I burned all documents that could trace back to the case. Shikamaru escaped Konoha with Kakashi, and ANBU, and Ayano Hyuuga. Danzo had Inoichi and I locked in containment cells. I've been stuck in worse prisons, but something about that place drove me mad. Perhaps it was the knowledge that he purposely blocked me from the outside world; perhaps it was the certainty in my gut that he would have Shikamaru executed."

"For the first time in my life, I just couldn't think. The obscurity of senses, the murk, the silence. It chewed on me like an animal, nibbling and nibbling until I was too weak to even cry for help. And then I hear the clink of a key turning in a lock. I thought I had died and was being permitted entry to the afterlife. The door opens, and there's a silhouette of a woman. She calls my name. Shikaku, Shikaku. Get up. Shikamaru needs you. It was that last thing she said that made my body react. Shikamaru needs me. The next I can remember is that I'm running across the Third Training Ground. There are people there...so many of them. I passed a line of sentries – all of whom belonged to Root. Danzo was there as well. I was preparing myself for battle when Lady Tsunade shakes her head and tells me that he was now on our side. Root is guarding the training ground to keep intruders out. I can't demand for reasons. I am baffled and speechless and petrified...then I see a pond and numerous scrolls and familiar people gathered around it. I run to them as fast as I can. Neji is sitting on the rim of the pond, cradling the corpse of a girl. I cannot recognize her at first because of her hair. It is her eyes that tell me she is a Hyuuga, and that the dead girl is Ayano Hyuuga, his fiancé. I try to be sorry for them, but the clock ticks and I see Kakashi carrying Sakura out of the pond. Blood drips from her face and her arms and her clothes – blood that isn't hers. She is screaming a name. She screams our son's name over and over, and I am awaken to the sight of him lying on the ground before my very feet. Lady Tsunade and an ANBU are attempting to revive him. His body jolts with the pressure they exert. I cannot do anything. I am frozen because he is looking at me...in me...in my soul. I am certain he lost something vital. And all I can do is stand there."

Yoshino pulled away from me and covered her mouth with her hands, thinking that doing so would silence her whimpers. She hunched over her knees and transferred her hands to her eyes. I did not bother to elaborate on the succeeding events. She already knew the conclusion to that story.

She wept the entire afternoon. We did not talk. I changed into my funeral clothes and told her that I was expected somewhere. I would be back. She remained sitting on the porch and staring at the garden, saying nothing. Not a hair on hear head swayed. I kissed her temple and rushed out of the house before tears could arrest my vision again.

The note in my pocket gained a weight that I could no longer ignore. I dipped my hand into my pocket and clutched the paper.

Three days ago, Lord Hiashi sent a messenger to my house to deliver this note. He relayed the location of Aiko's grave. Clan members who committed suicide could not be buried in sanctified soil; hence they were buried on the outskirts of the clan's territory, wherever the relatives saw fit to dig a hole. Aside from the map, there were the five words scribbled at the bottom that had stolen two nights of sleep from me. I admitted this odd occurrence to Yoshino yesterday morning, and only when she read those five words did it dawn on me that they were real.

"We permit you to go," she said. Despite her qualm, she had smiled at me and said that I should go. She believed that I had the right to formally part ways with Aiko. No, she didn't mind that I had loved this woman. This was exactly what she had been praying for. At last, the chance for me to be freed from the burden of my past.

A softness in the curve of her smile, the blush on her cheeks, and the pitch of her voice had shattered me. She couldn't figure out why I collapsed on the staircase and cried. Sobbing and wheezing, I couldn't possibly begin to explain. I was glad to be home. I was glad to be married to her. I was sad, too. Michio was correct all along – I would never be strong enough to keep my house together. He hadn't meant it to insult me; rather he wanted me to accept that no human prowess could defeat the consequences of our actions.

He was right about a lot of things. Aiko's decision to kill herself was all her own.

I couldn't believe I wanted him to rise from the dead just so I could tell him the true story of her death. Lady Tsunade said she tried to find the perfect opportunity to confess the entirety of Suna's intervention, but the news could not wait.

Aiko committed suicide to save me, not to afflict me. The box she had delivered to my doorstep contained a map that, had I chosen to make use of it, would have resulted in my family's approval. Most importantly, she chose to die because she could not risk her daughter. It was not solely about me, after all. She had moved on.

Looking down at her tombstone and brushing the grit off its surface, I read her name and decided that I would never say it again. Try as I might to recall her face, I could not. The light of the present day had blurred her image in my memory. She shrank in the distance, merging with my youth and vanishing in the wind that blew from the surrounding trees.

I turned towards the presence I had been ignoring since I arrived here. A man in a black kimono stood at a distance, watching me. I bowed my head to him. He bowed his head to me. I walked away to give him the privacy he needed to confess to his wife about their daughter's death.

Thunder clapped overhead. I ran, faster and faster, impatient to see my wife. I should never have left her alone. The streets of Konoha had regained its usual cacophony of clashing prattles. Yet there was a thin veil of quiet in the air that led me to believe they knew the gravity of the oppression we had recently undertaken. There subsisted a solemnity in their expressions – an understanding – that their warriors had been badly beaten and bruised and in need of silence.

Even the wind gushed in the direction I was going. The universe, for once, was cooperating with me.

I pushed aside the gate, sprinted across the gravel path to the main house, and slammed the door open. Yoshino jumped in surprise and turned around to see me. "Shikaku," she gasped.

I stepped into the corridor with the intention to hold her and to never let go, but there was somebody else in the house that I had not expected.

Neji limped forward, revealing himself in better lighting, his chest rising high as he inhaled. "Sir."

The yellow, green, and violet lines of nerves that coloured his stark face and the stiffness that seized his eyelids were a punch to my chest. He was a reflection of the man I had transformed into right after Michio announced Aiko's passing.

I sighed and motioned for him to come to me. Yoshino nudged him to go on.

Neji blinked. "Mr. Shikaku...Ayano's dead."

Yoshino flung her arm around Neji. I opened my arms and scooped them into my embrace. I wondered if everybody who lost a loved one took as long as we did to acknowledge that a part of us had been ripped apart from us for good. Stolen. Never to return again.

Neji clutched my back.

"It's okay, son," I said. "People come and go."

 **Tsunade:**

I needed only to look at the door of my office once to know that somebody had entered it without my permission. A stench from inside wafted from the gap beneath the door and made me wrinkle my nose. The harmony of age and authority in this man emanated in a smell that I could never stand. He could have been at the gates of Konoha and I would still think of him as near.

Rolling my shoulders back and tipping my chin up, I twisted the doorknob and marched into my office.

Danzo maintained a steady gaze outside the window. He stood behind my desk, his back turned to me. I darned not come any closer. Maybe it was the aloofness in my air that urged him to splinter the awkwardness between us.

He looked at me over his shoulder and said, "How are the children?"

"Children?" I scoffed, hardly able to hide my disbelief, and folded my arms against my chest. "No one hinted that you cared to refer to shinobis according to age group."

"They are shinobis and children all at once," he replied. "Their recklessness proved that."

"Their recklessness saved lives."

"They saved _you._ "

I strode to his side and shared the view of Konoha. The tint of blue in the sky above us was different. The curves of the streets below us and the slope of the roofs across the village were different too. "I was prepared to fight you to the death," I murmured.

He smiled; I felt it.

"I was prepared to take you down," he said. "I still am – do not mistake me."

"You had the chance."

"It wasn't a chance."

I glanced up at him, scowling. "...What did you see in the Third Training Ground that turned you into our ally, even only for that day? Do not deny it, Danzo. I am witness to the worry that overcame you when your excused me from the meeting with Suna. You could have used that as an opportunity to prove the existence of the rebirth case. Why didn't you, Danzo?"

He rotated his cane in his hand, as though doing so would help him form an adequate reply. "I trained Root to report in detail, and the details of the particular report my underling gave me was...astounding, at most. These _children_ would die for a cause they had faith in. I refer to Yamato, Shizune, and Kakashi as well. Injured and barely recovered, they burst from their containment chambers and offered their lives for the salvation of a dying girl. The feat they pulled off could be called impossible...impossible if not for their heroic deeds. It was only a moment ago, when I dissected the happenings with severe concentration, that I appreciated the loyalty that Neji Hyuuga has in you. He had made himself a sacrifice for your cause, even when I offered him the chance to be the next head of his clan."

I leaned on the wall to take the weight off my head. "You haven't answered my question."

"Your downfall would do Konoha anything but good." He closed his eye and breathed in the whiff of morning air that poured over the village. "I apologize."

"You were convinced that I was in connivance with Orochimaru!" I caught my composure just as it was about to fall, and I turned around before I could lose control and assault him. I walked across the room and shook my head at the book shelf. "Why? How? You used Akiyoshi against me. You were convinced that I would willingly risk Konoha!"

"The temptation of resurrection is too powerful to be ignored."

"I wasn't tempted, you bastard!"

"You promised Akiyoshi's corpse that you would bring him back to life if you could."

My heartbeat slowed. My blood boiled until my skin went ablaze from within. Yet I was not fuming. He was saying the truth. "You heard me."

"Somebody had to make sure that a medic of your rank did not lose your sanity over the injustice of the world."

"You thought I planned to fulfil that intention through Sakura and Sai."

"I thought you were a _child_ ," he said. He put his arm behind him, settling it above the length of his waist. "My ordering Root to safeguard the Third Training Ground while you managed the situation was for Konoha. My speaking to the Lord Kazekage on your behalf to postpone the signing of the peace treaty was for Konoha. My bowing down to the name of defeat in order to conceal the rebirth case was for Konoha."

"I kept myself sane _for Konoha_." I pulled the shawl closer over my black kimono, suddenly cold. "You'd do better to remember that next time you try to drag me to the executioners."

He replied with silence and left with silence.

In the solitude of my office, I allowed myself a moment to stare at my black clothing. The kimono itself was not tight; the informal obi I had chosen was not wrapped tight around my waist. It could not be my clothing that was choking me.

"Tsunade?"

I yanked around and slapped the hand off my shoulder.

Jiraiya blinked at me. He glanced at the people behind him and raised his eyebrows at me, reminding me that I had an audience to consider. No weakness should show, I hissed to myself. I was the Fifth Hokage.

The _children_ crowded the room, merging with each other in a suit of black from the neck down. TenTen, Choji, Kiba, Hinata, Ino, Shino, and Lee gazed at me with a mixture of bashfulness and expectation. Their fidgeting could be because of their injuries or their discomfort at seeing me so shaken by a mere tap on the shoulder. Either way, I cleared my throat and announced that we should head to the private ceremony before we delivered the bodies to their relatives for formal mourning.

We wouldn't want anybody to question our mourning. To the public and to the rest of my government, the rebirth case was non-existent.

Midway to a barricaded portion south of the military compound, Jiraiya put his hand at the small of my back.

Shizune, upon seeing our group approach, motioned for the men to lay the two urns on their respective places. She manoeuvred her wheelchair to the group of men from Shikaku and Inoichi's divisions and gave them final instructions. Ten of them bowed to my direction before jogging to their posts.

"You're afraid the Konoha Council will hear about this?" Jiraiya whispered to me.

I fixed my sight on the urns. "Should they condemn us for our loss?"

He fished the juzu from his pocket. I did the same, the beads inflicting my palm with coldness that I was not ready for. The rest of our party stood in a straight line before the urns. The juzu in their hands jingled, bringing life to the gloom of this wake.

Shizune wheeled around to face me. Her frown lifted, and she nodded at me. In a hushed voice, she instructed the others to offer the incense and the white chrysanthemums one by one.

She had always been able to read my mind, that Shizune.

I squinted at the sky. It was unusually sunny for such an event.

Jiraiya nudged me. I followed his gaze to the east of the barricade, where Shikaku and Neji had just entered.

Neji grasped Shikaku's forearm as they walked to the improvised dome that Yamato had constructed before he was dispatched. Hinata dropped the chrysanthemum in front of the first urn and jogged to meet Neji. She hoisted his free arm around her shoulder and thanked Shikaku.

Neji refused to let go of Shikaku.

Jiraiya sighed and said, "Don't let that get to you." He pointed at the opposite end of the barricade. "That boy is your responsibility."

Naruto's face was not visible from this distance – not with how low his head hung. The juzu in his fists snapped and the beads rolled on the ground. I hated that Kakashi couldn't be here to handle him.

"Can't you do it yourself?" I grumbled.

He shrugged. "There are some things a woman can do that a man can't."

"We do it together."

"You afraid he'll cry?"

I put my hands on my hips. Jiraiya pushed me forward. "Let's go before he does something to hurt himself."

Once my feet were on the move, I found that I could not stop. Naruto bobbed his head and spotted us. I pinched his ear and dragged him close to me... close enough to squeeze into an embrace that he could hide in. The side of his face collided with my neck. I picked up my shawl and draped it over him. Hidden from the light of day, Naruto snivelled and asked me why people died.

He bawled his guilt and his aches. At first, it was difficult to make sense of his stammering. I had to focus on each word that tumbled off his tongue in order to comprehend his story.

He had rejected the notion to save himself from Sakura. If he had listened to Neji's warning, Ayano would not have been forced to shield him. Did I know that Ayano was Neji's fiancé? Did I know that his first and last words to Ayano weren't kind? Neji loathed him, surely. How about Kakashi? Was he not going to attend Anko's wake? Weren't they friends? Why did death have to hurt so much for the living?

Jiraiya ruffled Naruto's hair to get his attention.

We parted and saw that Neji, Shikaku, and Hinata had gone to join us instead of the crowd in the open dome. Neji tipped his head towards the dome. "It's rude to be standing so far from the wake. Ayano's a conformist. She'd scold you if she were here."

Naruto ran his sleeve across his face. "Neji – "

"Don't be sorry," he said. "Ayano wasn't."

Hinata took Naruto by the hand and walked between the two males as they made their way to the dome. Shikaku stayed behind. He scratched the back of his ear and remarked that those young shinobis had much to learn in life.

"Inoichi can't make it, I assume," said Jiraiya.

Shikaku looked sideways at me. "The security measures are complete. I received confirmation a moment ago."

"How are you?" It cost me half the reservoir of strength I had collected to look at him. "How is Yoshino taking the news?"

"Slowly," he muttered to the wind. "We're taking everything slowly. You, milady? It will be a long wait for you as well."

"The wait is necessary." I pressed my lips together and shut my eyes. "Sakura will be back. In the meanwhile, I'll endure the wait. We all will."


	45. Chapter Forty-Four

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Forty – Four**

 **Sakura**

I endured the wait for twelve months. The days came and went like the mood of a child who had not a clue as to where to go. I felt as though I was turning and turning until I was dizzy; the scenes altering, the winds dancing, the colours magnifying. One moment varied too drastically from the next that I had little time to occupy myself with thoughts of home...or memories of it.

The monotony didn't exactly burden me either because Lady Tsunade's arrangements ascertained my active involvement in the rehabilitation or because resurrection tasted too good to dull one second of my new life.

My fingers were kept busy with herbs and chemical powders, mortar and pestles, stirring rods, and test tubes. Given the chance for rest, Nohara would scrutinize my experiments and force me back on my feet to check whether Control Set A and Control Set B underwent sufficient observation. Did my notes on them coincide with my hypothesis? Was my hypothesis developing?

Nohara provided guidance in subtler manners than Lady Tsunade would have; an attitude that was refreshing for me. She'd inject me with medicine that would reinforce the healing of my pathways and would always press her thumb against the prick on the inside of my elbow before dressing it with a cotton ball and medical tape.

The gentleness of her treatment enticed me to think of her as an older sister. She proved to me that cruelty was not the way to exhibit strength. Nevertheless, it was too late to mend my ways now. If Lady Tsunade were our mother and she, my sister, I would have skipped along the streets of Konoha and boasted of our heritage. That was not to say that I did not miss my parents. No one knew that I wrote them letters containing narratives of my daily activities...letters that would never reach them. At least, I thought, I could say that I exerted the effort they deserved from me.

Although my recovery went smoothly – Nohara made sure it would – I refused to let her know that the healing hurt worse at the dawn of each new day in those twelve months. I would coil under my blankets and struggle to control my breathing before she could catch me in such a wretched state.

Only the deceased Hokages combined could tell if she slept at all. I once crept out of our room for a midnight snack, certain that she had long gone into dream land, and afterwards found her already seated in the kitchen to question my appetite. The concentration I had to put to stifling my sobs at night improved as I became accustomed to my pain and to her inhumane senses.

It was enough that Lady Tsunade exiled me from Konoha in the duration of my recovery. I didn't need a witness to confirm that my recovery progressed like the first steps of an infant. Steady but slowly.

I did my best to hasten it, of course.

I assisted Nohara in enhancing the medicines that she injected me. I woke at four in the morning and jogged the perimeter of the forest with her, choosing always to suppress the soreness at the back of my thighs and the tightness in my joints than to stop midway. I felt that if I ran faster, if the wind clashed against my physique stronger, that time would pass without my realizing it.

Despite the lack of dullness and monotony in those twelve months, I was never unaware of the clock ticking at the corridor of that house. That rusted, round wall clock had belonged to the deceased owner of the house. Captain Yamato said that the man used it to count the remaining hours before his death.

Nohara had scolded him for being thoughtless around me. 'Seriously, you should distance yourself from Kakashi at all cost. It's doing your behaviour little good."

He had chuckled and said that I was past the stage of death. Talk of it would not harm me.

Captain Yamato was correct; hence I prolonged my marathon inside the forest whenever I could while repeating in my head that death and anything related to it should never make me flinch again. But I couldn't always be running.

Sparring with Noraha easily became my next addiction.

The speed, the accuracy, the intelligence, and the strategy that accompanied every battle with her left me more exhausted than I would like to admit. She'd be panting and sweating, too, but she would always have strength remaining to rise from the ground and walk into the house as though she'd only gone out for a stroll.

I, on the other hand, would lie under the sun for two hours until my body could permit me to move again. Weakling, I'd call myself. No sooner than I expected she would, Nohara discovered my addiction to fatigue and contained our sparring sessions to one hour each day. Nothing more, nothing less.

This, for me, meant free time to let my mind wander. A particular event that coursed my thoughts too often occurred in my first day here. I could not recall with clarity how I arrived in the countryside, at a house at the base of a provincial town. All there was seemed to be delusions – a reel of images that could not have been real. It was safe to say then that the memory began with a trance. I was flailing my arms and legs at the bottom of the sea, fighting the water pressure and keeping my eyes fixed on the distant surface. Nothing but the current of memories in my head had led me to sink deeper and deeper. Perhaps it was a nightmare. Perhaps it was the truth. I had thrust a kunai through Shikamaru and he had sniffed my hair...and he had faded.

Without coherent motivation, I had screamed his name over and over while Kakashi carried me off the pond. The water draining from my clothes and my skin filled me with the tangible sensation of what it must feel like to have life depart from me; like a boulder unchained from my neck, that same sensation allowed me to breathe air again as myself – as Sakura. The life that had gone belonged to Kana.

I had lost consciousness and awoke under the roof of this house. Lady Tsunade had hauled me to sit and leaned my back against the wall. She had fed me with soup. On the third spoonful, I had chocked on the bitter liquid in my mouth, forced it down my throat, and screamed. It seemed the only action that could justify the hollowness that had found its home inside of me.

The Fifth had waited for me to finish crying before she recounted the events that succeeded Sai's assault on us in the Nara's forest lodging.

"We won," she'd said, touching the wrinkles on her forehead as though she could brush them away. "But not without consequence. Danzo assisted me in securing this arrangement for you. The reversal jutsu was successful in driving out Kana's soul, albeit it does not solve the damage that your innards incurred. There is no safe place for you in Konoha to undergo the treatment that I have tasked Rin Nohara to put you through. She played a crucial role in your salvation and will henceforth head this confidential mission. None but a handful of people are aware of your location and your health. Danzo persuaded the Konoha Council into thinking that you are in Suna to accomplish your case study. The Lord Kazekage has agreed to cooperate with the condition that you will continue to submit progress reports regarding your findings about the reservoir at the back of the heart and how Lady Chiyo's herbs reinforces it. Your tasks are to achieve the optimum health condition befitting a qualified jounin, to complete your case study, and to avoid interaction with Orochimaru or any of his henchmen."

"W-what...?"

"Jiraiya and Naruto had an encounter with Kabuto before the incident in the Third Training Ground." She had paused to gauge my reaction. Something in my expression must have assured her because she continued. "It seems Orochimaru is eager to make up for what he lost in Takeo's program by abducting you and Sai. If you should know, a similar arrangement has been prepared for him. He, too, is on a mission to recover."

Her words had not truly registered in my brain until the mention of Sai. I had focused on her face and blinked to check if she was real. "And...Shikamaru?"

The dimness in her gaze motivated a surge of emotions in me to surface. I had bit my bottom lip. She had taken my hand, and she said, "Kabuto confessed that Shikamaru is an alternative that Orochimaru will resort to given that he fails to get his hands on you and Sai Don't worry, Sakura. We made similar arrangements for Shikamaru, although the medical care he is receiving is far superior to yours. The point in his body where he led you to stab him is the gap in the pathways beside the stomach. The cut was precise. No shinobi dies of a stab in that gap."

That was the first and last time his name was mentioned within the confines of this house. Many instances in Kakashi's visits, he would begin conversation that could have led to a discussion about Shikamaru's wellbeing. Suddenly, as though thunder would strike him, he would cut himself short and talk about my friends instead.

My other friends.

In my first week here, Konoha managed to return to normal. He narrated to Nohara and I about the surgery Hinata underwent. She regained use of her eyes and her Byakugan with little complication. TenTen donned a neck brace that expired at the end of spring. Kiba and Akamaru were kicked out of the rehabilitation centre for causing a ruckus. His mother and his sister were forced to continue his therapy in their home. Choji shed thirty pounds, apparently, which made his parents cry in amazement. No sooner had he been cleared from the centre did he regain those lost pounds. Captain Yamato remarked that Choji was a record breaker. Those thirty pounds found their home in his belly within a single week.

Lee's prior injuries during our genin years had made him immune to anaesthesia. He went through five open surgeries fully awake. Kakashi and Captain Yamato were among the spectators who had paced the corridor to the operation room during the fifth surgery.

The cheering that had enveloped the hospital after the Fifth announced the surgery's success was the cause of the other patient's irritation. Shizune made the apology on their behalf.

Kakashi had laughed at the story of Ino's bald head, not because she looked funny, but because she resorted to the most hideous attempts to conceal it. Kurenai had gossiped that Ino collected fifty scarves and thirty-eight wigs in three months time. The Fifth had no choice but to concede to give her hospital duty until her hair grew to a respectable length. Ino even went as far as to propose a Disability Leave to her superiors. Her disability was her lack of blonde hair.

By the way, how were Kurenai and her baby girl?

The courage to ask that question could be traced back to four months worth of wondering. Had Kakashi not initiated that conversation, I would never have asked.

"Kurenai sends you her thanks," he'd said, smiling at me. "She's suffering from post-traumatic stress because of the attack but she isn't blaming Sai. She hopes to see you soon. I'm prolonging my stay here to avoid having to go to her apartment. I swear she'll squeeze the truth out of me and get herself involved in this confidential mission. Asuma owes me in the afterlife. His baby is a true-born manipulative kunoichi. I'm not looking forward to visiting that duo."

Nohara, who was sitting beside him, had voiced her premonition that Kakashi's child would be a sadist. He'd retorted that she should make no such assumptions; the exact words of his succeeding statement being, 'You'll be exhausted all the time if the child is dysfunctional. You'll be happier with a girl that is several notches less violent than Sakura."

After leaving a bruise on Kakashi's arm, I mulled over his response and its reference. We were talking about his future children and not Nohara's, weren't we?

Nohara had inquired about Neji before I could arrive at a conclusion. He'd glanced at her, as though daring her to pursue the topic about children, but said nothing to confirm it. That was not the last time he had teased her. It was safe to assume that Nohara harboured feelings for Kakashi and that he was close to reciprocating those feelings. I just couldn't sum up where their relationship stood, exactly.

In those twelve months, the most intimate act Kakashi had displayed for her was to trace the tip of her hair, his finger nearly touching the line of her jaw, while they sat abreast on the front porch. The movement of his hand had been careful, as though she was a reflection on the surface of the water and he was testing her realness. She had not reacted to this; she only stared ahead and continued their conversation.

A glimpse of them that I could not possibly forget was on the sixteenth of September, at around one o'clock in the morning. I work up thirty and dragged myself to the kitchen for a glass of cold water. The front door was open, and when I turned my head to peer outside, I saw the two of them in their usual spot on the porch. Nohara had leaned close to him and tugged his mask down. I had crept back to the darkness of the corridor, ashamed because I knew she'd kiss him.

She didn't. Kakashi touched his cheek and scratched at the stubble on his chin. The gloom that surrounded them hindered me from seeing his face; I could make out its sharp outline, and I knew that I would have to use this information to make Naruto treat me to dinner once I was back in Konoha.

Nohara had lifted his forehead protector then, squinting to inspect his features, and told him something that made him laugh aloud. Never in my entire life had I heard him laugh like he had. It was so careless and sincere that I could not help but tell Kakashi two weeks ago that he should not let Nohara go.

The forest had turned quiet that moment, as though giving him his personal space to think my statement through. He responded by scratching the back of his head and telling me that not everything was as easy as it seemed.

Why couldn't it have been easy?

I meant to ask Nohara, but she was too spaced out after Kakashi's departure to be bothered by such a personal question. Actually, she was already bothered about it that I could not stand to worsen the case for her.

The day after she declared that I was completely recovered from the rebirth jutsu, we celebrated with a feast that only the two of us ate, and she spent our last month in this house watching the trees bow to the wind. She held a book on her lap but could not keep her eyes focused on the words for long. She'd meander...she'd get lost. Until now, her bookmark remained pinned between pages fifty-seven and fifty-eight. I wonder when she'd move on.

The completion of our mission presented me with an opportunity to finally think. These twelve months, I'd forced myself to believe that I was satisfied where I was. I'd forced myself to forget that Kakashi did answer me when I asked about Neji and that his answer had compelled Lady Tsunade to subject me to psychotherapy.

Neji underwent surgery for his eyes; unfortunately, his success was different from Hinata's. He could see with both eyes again, but only the right eye could use the Byakugan. The shock of Ayano's death led to his confinement in the rehabilitation centre. The last they heard, he should have already been released and back on active duty as a jounin.

For the last five months before this moment, Inoichi did his best to remedy my emotional and mental distress. It had not been easy.

I learned to fear sleep. What if I dreamt of Ayano's ghost? What if she dragged me to her grave? The girl had a particular distaste of me that I could not fathom. Still, her service proved essential to Shizune. Ayano did not deserve to die.

Inoichi had listened through very senseless word that escaped my mouth. He was probably fed up with my guilt over Ayano's death. I'd always catch him rubbing his nose halfway our sessions and yawn so wide I could see the back of his throat. Later on, I reasoned that it hadn't been me that wore him out but the necessity to travel here alone once a week. Worse, he had to travel in secret.

To lighten his burden, I had diverted my attention to my parents' wellbeing. Active duty under the Feudal Lord's jurisdiction suited them perfectly. The suspense of their endeavour had surely been enough to hinder thoughts of me.

Finally, when it seemed to him that I had inhabited a more stable mental and emotional state, he stopped coming.

I completed the case study four days ago. My pathways were back to their original design. My lymphatic system was successfully sorting through the contents of my blood again.

I ran out of reasons to stay.

"Konoha," I breathed into the morning air, watching the cloud form and drift. Somewhere in the Fire Country, snow was pouring over a familiar forest. How strange the human memory was. I could still remember every inch of the Nara's ancestral house.

A tingling in my bones encouraged me to shift on my futon. The illumination of the window on the ceiling appeared more succinct than usual. The futon and the blanket felt softer, yet somehow cold. It was as if their warmth was meant to expire on the day of my departure, and they were showing me that to I wouldn't be comfortable staying here any longer.

I rolled to my side and pushed myself up. My hair dangled over my face, their tips pricking the skin of my arms. Twisting them together and coiling them into a bun, I grabbed the lace that sat beside my pillow and wrapped it around my hair.

I could not help but touch my bare neck. Should I chop my locks off?

Nohara slid the door aside and entered my room with the footfalls of a phantom. She tossed an empty travel bag at me. "Good morning. Time to pack the last of your belongings."

"Morning," I muttered. I found myself staring at the length of her hair. She had let it grow to her waist until Kakashi mentioned that he preferred it shorter. She trimmed her hair regularly now.

"Nohara?"

She stepped back from the open window, smiling. "Yes?"

"Have you heard from...Naruto?" I stood and let the blanket fall to the floor. "Haven't heard news of him in a while...what with Kakashi having to stay in Konoha now."

"He's well," she said. "He's been training hard with Master Jiraiya."

"Everything's normal back in Konoha, I suppose."

"Normal?" She squinted at the distance. "You're not going to return to your old life, Sakura. You can't pretend like the rebirth case never existed. You're moving on. It's best to keep that in mind."

I smacked my forehead and chuckled. "You're right. And there's no use getting upset. We're going home! I can hardly wait!"

Nohara stretched her arms overhead. "I have one year's worth of report to finish the second I step inside Konoha. By the way, you'll be meeting with me for a follow up physical examination, okay?"

"Geez, won't Lady Tsunade be giving you a break?" I scooped the blanket up with my foot. "It's a one-year mission!"

She laughed. "I'm ANBU, Sakura. That's to be expected."

"Does it mean you won't be meeting Kakashi often?"

The glee in her smile drifted. She shrugged and embraced herself. "We have our own schedule."

"I'm sorry." I peeked at my toes, at the door, and then at the window. "It's none of my business, is it? I'm sorry. It's just that he was my teacher and I know him a bit but he's still so mysterious that I can't help but be interested. Not that I'm interested in him! I mean, the guy covers ninety-five percent of his face with an ugly mask! Naruto, Sasuke, and I made it our lifelong mission to uncover his true face but Sasuke kind of went astray and I...never mind. It's...I've never seen him so h-happy? Not with anybody but you so I thought that-that you know? It's so obvious!"

Nohara strode across the room and stopped in front of me. She tipped her head to the right to catch my gaze. "I'm supposed to be dead, Sakura."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not supposed to be alive," she whispered. "Records say that I was killed in the battlefield as a young shinobi. Killed by Kakashi Hatake. I'll disappear into the blur of ANBUs after this. You'll be made to sign an oath that you've never met me nor heard of me. Kakashi's different. He's alive. There's no way the dead and the living can be together. You don't have to understand. I simply thought you deserved to know as much."

She walked to the door in her usual calm but there was stiffness in her shoulders that hinted of a depth she preferred to keep unknown. I opened my mouth to protest; she cut me short by stopping on the doorway and saying, "Sakura, it wasn't clever at all that you refused to talk about Shikamaru this entire year."

I forced the corner of my lips up and shrugged. "I didn't see the need to."

"You didn't want to consider the possibility that he could have died in your hands."

"He didn't, okay? That's it."

She frowned at me. "You're afraid that something did die, aren't you? Something special? One year is 365 days. That's so long."

The blanket fell. I bent to pick it up and found that I could not stand again. I pressed my fingers over my eyes and bit my lips inward. "Nohara. Not now."

"Sakura..." she said. "I meant everything I said. You're not going to return to your old life. Nothing is going to fall into place for you without patience and effort. You need to be prepared for that."


	46. Chapter Forty-Five

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Forty – Five**

 **Sakura**

There was a chill in the air that was not winter's making. Inoichi made it clear that Konoha, the centre of the Fire Country, dispersed the condensed clouds before they could precipitate much snow. The closer we were to the village, the warmer the air should be getting.

Why was I so cold?

The twists and bends of the trees ahead of me appeared to be fashioned for the sole purpose of hindering my path. Regardless of which gap I chose to slip into for a smooth travel across the trees, there would always be one or two branches that would hit my limbs. I flailed my arms to clear my path as I reached the pinnacle of my patience. Patience; I never did have a healthy supply of that.

Nohara glimpsed me and descended to the ground. She waved at me.

I grabbed the nearest tree trunk, pressed my right foot against it, and slid down its length. The ground beneath my feet had never felt so stable. My head pulsated with nausea, but I would not show it. I was going home and nothing was going to stop me.

I ran my hand along my braided hair and tugged it over my left shoulder, a habit that helped me remain calm. "Why are we stopping?" I asked her.

Nohara tipped her head back to gaze at the hole in the forest canopy. Rays of afternoon light splashed colour to her face, and for a moment she seemed to be lost in peace. "Rest for a bit. You're haggard already."

"But we're so close!"

She giggled. "Sakura, they haven't seen you for an entire year. You'd want to look your best once you enter Konoha."

I closed my mouth in an effort to suppress my panting. I had every reason to be tired and careless; however a part of me still wished I wasn't so weak. Nohara was correct; I would not be returning to my desired norm. Even my own body opposed the idea. 365 days. Nothing would be the same. I should pitch in the effort to lessen the impending shock of homecoming.

Wiping my forehead with my sleeve, I lowered my knapsack to the ground and brought out a canteen of water. "You want some?"

"I'm fine." She smiled at me. She unzipped her bag and brought out her ANBU mask.

I gulped the water, capped the canteen, and stood straight. "What are you doing?"

"It's time I inhabit my anonymity again." She lifted the mask to her face, stopped midway, and looked at me.

My fingers clenched the circumference of the metal canteen, denting it permanently. "You helped save Konoha," I said. "Shouldn't you be granted some kind of special amnesty from being an ANBU? Shouldn't you be allowed to take a similar post to Kakashi's? I'm sure Lady Tsunade will approve if we ask for it!"

"We can't change everything, Sakura." She shrugged. "As much as I want to, I'm better off an ANBU. This is where you part with Nohara. It's been a real pleasure being your guardian."

"My friend," I blurted, stifling the sobs that were scratching my throat. "Please, Nohara. Won't you at least give it a try? I'll convince Lady Tsunade!"

She brushed my bangs away from my temples. "I saw why it had been so crucial to save you."

I threw my arms around her and pressed my face against her shoulder. She felt soft and hard all at once, a perfect embodiment of a Hidden-Leaf kunoichi. "You don't have to be anonymous, Nohara. You're alive."

She kissed the crown of my head. "When you grow up, you'll surpass Lady Tsunade and be remembered for the love you have for our village. I'll see you a while."

The second after the last word escaped her mouth, the wind carried the solidity of her body away. She drifted like ashes, dispersing into the background forever. I stumbled forward at the loss of the person I had leaned on this past year. My shadow stretched on the ground before me. I was alone.

Leaves drizzled around me. I produced a kunai and tossed it at the tree branch forty degrees to my right. It struck the wood between Kakashi's feet.

I gawked. "What are _you_ doing here?"

He crouched on the tree branch and pointed behind me.

I turned around.

Sai smiled. "It's been a while, Sakura."

My knees trembled. My mind couldn't quite accept the sudden image of him standing there, whole and alive. His ashen complexion remained a vivid contrast against the colours of the forest, the grey and black motif of his clothing doing nothing to improve the tedium in his air. Still, I leapt back in a surge of both fright and delight "S-Sai!"

He blinked at me and flipped to a marked page in the book he was holding. "According to this, a woman who hasn't seen her friend for a long time will normally embrace that friend and cry in joy. Judging by Sakura's reaction, I think it is safe to say that this book you gave me is somewhat defective, Kakashi."

I could not say whether it was his rigid posture or his monotonous speech that made me cry. Perhaps I still sympathized with his lack of social skills. Perhaps I still hated his reliance on those stupid books. When I hooked my arm around his neck and pulled him down to an embrace, I felt more real than I ever had since I was exiled from Konoha. Sai being Sai, said 'oh' and confessed that he hadn't read about the proper response to an embrace, especially one made by a woman.

I smacked his head. "What in the world is wrong with your brain?"

He toppled to the ground, his eyes wide and his face paler. "S-S-Sakura...I-I just recovered..."

"Shit!"

Kakashi laughed. He stood beside me and patted my shoulder. "Don't worry; a punch here and there won't kill him. Both of you had been through worse."

I pulled him to his feet with one tow. "You grew taller! The...treatment didn't seem to affect any of your normal bodily functions. It would suck if your growth hormones were impeded."

"I'm normal," he assured.

I snorted. "Far from it, but I'll agree this one time."

He prodded his chin towards my braid. "Your hair is as long as Ino's."

"Longer." I snickered. "I heard she's frustrated with her current hairdo."

Kakashi sidestepped to peer at the length of my braid. "Won't you have trouble maintaining it once you're out in the field again?"

"It will take getting used to."I glanced at the surrounding trees. "Where are your escorts, Sai?"

"The ANBUs are guarding the village perimeter. We are free to return to Konoha on our own."

"Lady Tsunade didn't want to give the villagers an impression that something special had happened to either of you, being surrounded by so many classified shinobis," said Kakashi.

"And Nohara?" I asked. "Where'd _she_ go?"

Kakashi transferred his gaze to the canopy. He slipped his hands into his trouser pockets and sighed. "She's made her choice. Nothing to do about it now."

"Who's Nohara?" Sai adjusted the knapsack slung over his shoulder and looked back and fro Kakashi and me.

I could have relayed my annoyance at Nohara's disappearance through a snide remark, but a sudden shift in Kakashi's stance warned me that the topic still stung. Nevertheless, he made no effort to hinder my possible outburst. I couldn't begin to unravel the real deal between Nohara and him.

"My friend," I replied. "She's my friend. C'mon, Sai. There's no use dawdling here. Let's go home."

He tugged at my sleeve to stop me. "Wait, Sakura. Shouldn't we wait for Shikamaru?"

I held my breath. Shikamaru. I hadn't considered the prospect of reuniting with him so soon.

Kakashi prodded us forward. "You should go on. Shikamaru won't be popping out of nowhere to scare you. Go on. There are people waiting for you at the gates."

If it was for my benefit that he eliminated the element of surprise, I couldn't tell. He simply nodded at me and patted my shoulder again. His touch hurt; I felt there was a deeper truth hidden in his actions. Was it an apology or a mere show of sympathy? The knots in my stomach reeled to form a giant coil that burdened me on our walk home.

I gripped the knapsack's strap at the sight of Konoha. The village gates were wide apart – it always had been. The villagers hadn't opened them to welcome me home, yet somehow I felt they had.

Sai slowed to a halt. He pointed inside – at the main road. "There are people waiting for Sakura, it seems."

At the distance stood the three people I did not expect would be the first to welcome us. I, too, stopped walking.

Kakashi realized he was moving forward alone and looked back at us. "What's the matter?"

"N-nothing." Sai forced a smile. It was too forced that the weight behind it was impossible to miss. The gravity beneath his expression could not be likened completely to those I had witnessed with Naruto, but they were nearly identical that it broke my heart to realize his pain.

He wasn't expecting to come home to anybody, was he?

I inserted my arm on the nook of his elbow and dragged him forward. "They're not waiting for me - they're waiting for the both of us!"

"W-why would they wait for me?"

"You saved Konoha, you backwater moron!"

He slipped his arm off mine. "Yes, but that's our duty," he muttered. "It's not unusual."

Irritated, I grabbed his collar and towed him down to my height. "Listen, Sai, half of the most important people in Konoha should be dead right now if it weren't for the part you played in the rebirth case. I owe my life to you and to a lot of our comrades, and so does the Fifth. But even before all that, you've already become as much a part of the family as Naruto and me. You're no different from us. Got that? The team will never be complete without you."

The grooves in his face loosened, and he stared at me as though he was reading the words of my speech on my cheeks. "Sakura, I..."

Kakashi tugged my hand apart from his collar. "Take it easy on him, Sakura. It isn't so simple a context to understand quickly."

"I never guessed I meant that way to you," Sai mumbled. "I've yet to acquire a book about family."

Kakashi and I sighed in unison. "We'll make sure you get one," he said.

I snatched Sai's wrist and sprinted into the village. He stumbled on the initial strides but picked up with the pace soon enough. The air that splashed against our bodies felt lighter and warmer. The ground provided a foundation so firm that I doubted if I would ever trip.

The buildings. The trees. The noise. The people.

My strides slowed the moment Lady Tsunade's image vivified. Her youth was so refreshing that I had to grin. Her eyes roamed my stature. She broke free from the line in which she stood in together with Shikaku and Inoichi and walked towards us.

"Fifth!"

Lady Tsunade spread her arms and enclosed Sai and me in an embrace. Her strength squeezed the air out of us, but our gasps were more of a response to the sincerity she exuded rather than her vigour. Releasing us, she stepped back to absorb our appearances. She drew in a breath and whispered, "Welcome home."

Sai hid his trembling hand behind him and lowered his head.

I pinched his shoulder to loosen him up. "We're happy to be back, aren't we, Sai?"

"Y-yes, of course, we are, ma'am!"

Lady Tsunade blinked back her tears and cleared her throat. "We couldn't announce your return to everyone. We didn't want the Konoha Council questioning us again."

"They have no idea that today is your homecoming," piped Inoichi. He took our hands and shook them. "It's glad to have you back!"

Before I could thank him, Shikaku appeared beside Lady Tsunade and shook my free hand. He smiled a kind smile and said nothing.

The mixture of sadness and equanimity in his gaze struck me. I swallowed and turned my head away. "Mr. Nara..."

"Congratulations on your recovery," he said. "We are all very glad that you and Sai responded to the treatment with success. Your parents would have been here if they could. As it is, their contract with the feudal lord does not expire until spring. I've personally kept them updated on your progress."

I swallowed again, using every single ounce of strength I had to suppress my sobs. "T-thank you...thank you, Mr. Nara!"

"And You?" He eyed Sai from head to toe. "You're brawnier than I last remember."

"The physical training the Hokage put me through helped restore me back to shape, sir," he said, streaks of pink surfacing on his cheeks. "I'm good."

Inoichi chuckled. "There's no doubt about that. Kakashi outlined the syllabus of your training program. We foresaw nothing less for an outcome."

The Fifth slapped my back, causing me to stumble and collide with Sai. "I'll have to train you again. The jounin exams will be coming soon. It will be slightly suspicious if you drop out now."

"Y-yes, but I have to pass the assessment first, right?"

"I'll make sure you do." She winked at me. "You better settle in to village life and recapture your work momentum within the week. Formal training for the jounin exams will start after Suna's visit for the formal launching of your case study to the mainstream medical arena. We hope to include it in the curriculum for the next batch of medics."

I scanned their faces, wanting someone to tell me this was a joke. No eighteen year old kunoichi could have accomplished such a feat.

Lady Tsunade rolled her eyes and laughed. The rest of them laughed, too.

I covered my mouth with my hand. "I can't believe it! Seriously? No way!"

"Congratulations, Sakura," said Sai.

I bent on my waist and bowed to my superiors, thanking them in the best combination of words I could come up with. Amidst my stammering, I saw Shikaku move and approach Kakashi. I straightened up and heard him say that Kakashi should command the ANBUs to withdraw from their post around the village and return to their duties.

Sai, having noticed them as well, protested that we should wait for Shikamaru. "Or is he escorted by a different group entirely?" he asked.

Kakashi and Shikaku glanced at Lady Tsunade.

Sai took the initiative to break the silence. "Shikamaru's not on his way to Konoha, is he?"

"He needs more time," the Fifth said. "The same as you, he'll need to return fit to live up to the prowess of a qualified jounin. Furthermore, he has the additional yoke of sorting his memories. The rebirth case left him traumatized worse than we imagined it should have, considering the amount of mental, emotional, and physical stress he had to endure. The last report I received contained speculations that he did not even remember Asuma's dead."


	47. Chapter Forty-Six

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Summary:** The rebirth case had finally been resolved. Danzo and Tsunade are cooperating to keep Konoha Council and the rest of the village unaware and unharmed by the secrets that nearly set them all on fire. Sai, Shikamaru, and Sakura were exiled to separate provinces in order for them to regain their health and to keep away from Orochimaru's clutches. After one year of recovery period, the three of them are recalled to Konoha to face the consequences of the rebirth case. Is this the end of their troubles or do they still have the demons of their former conquest left to confront?

 **Note:** SakuMiChanNoGaara and cherryblossomszahime, you guys are fantastic.

PrettyChelsea, glad you found this story again.

Enjoy my favorite chapter!

* * *

 **Forty – Six**

 **Sakura**

There was such a thing called trauma-induced memory loss. I had handled shinobis with dysfunctional memories due to alcohol abuse, malnutrition and sleep deprivation during prolonged missions, head injuries, and smoking, but never one caused by trauma.

Lady Tsunade and Shizune took care of those sensitive cases. They said I was too young to fully comprehend the damage that this inflicted in a shinobi's life; hence I was spared the task.

Why, then, were they explaining to me in detail Shikamaru's ordeal?

Yes, Sai was standing next to me in front of the Hokage's desk, staring at the Hokage behind that desk. Yes, Shikaku, Inoichi, Kakashi, and Shizune lingered beside her while the explanation went on. I understood that this was for everybody's benefit, but the selfish part of me claimed the Fifth's monologue as a necessity that was directed solely at me.

The explanation.

I touched my forehead. I did this perhaps in an effort to regain contact with myself again or as a desperate means to acknowledge that the brain within the human head had a life of its own. All it wanted to do was to survive. It did not care that Shikamaru possessed memories that could never be replaced; for it, survival was enough.

That skull I felt beneath my fingertips was nothing but a disappointment. This vital encasing did a good job of absorbing the shock of physical blows; yet it was completely defenseless against the abstract entities that humans had to endure each second of every day.

"He could have lost his identity altogether," Lady Tsunade went on. "Fortunately, he has a strong mind. We still can't determine if this is a temporary or permanent memory loss. After all, there's no saying when he'll come to terms with what happened. The best thing to do is to subject him to treatment and see how well he copes. If he rejects the prospect of dealing with the trauma, we can't force him to pursue the recovery of his memories. Our focus will therefore be on resuming his training here in Konoha. When he awoke from surgery, he could barely form one word. Teaching him to walk across a room, tie his shoelaces, hold his chopsticks, and throw a kunai consumed half the year. His rehabilitation progressed faster from that point onwards, nonetheless, and I'll be approving his completion of the entire program as soon as I receive the next report. We can expect him back in our village in three months, I hope. Sakura, are you listening?"

Sai touched my forearm and said, "Are you thinking this is your fault, Sakura?"

"My fault?" I scoffed, scanning their faces and seeing nothing but the contempt behind their gazes. "This is all on me. I failed to-to detect his heart ailment and he refused to return to Konoha during the rebirth case because he wanted to save me and-and he travelled to Suna and came up with that plan and put everything together to save you and me!" I slapped his hand away. "My fault? You're seriously asking me if _I think_ this is _my fault_ , Sai?"

"It is safe to say that the entire thing was intentional on Shikamaru's behalf."

Everything inside me slowed. My breathing, my thinking, my perception...the gears that drove my functionality lingered in digesting that one word – intentional.

Shikamaru's lips against my ear, his voice inside my head, his hands around mine, his words confirming the mission was a success; every action had been made with the purpose of saving my life in exchange for his.

My fingernails dug into my scalp. I did not have to restrain tears - there were none of them. Realization struck me too quickly. Nohara and Kakashi knew what was awaiting me upon my return. They had hinted about this. I was so stupid to not have picked up on their implications much sooner.

"Sakura," hissed Lady Tsunade.

I stared at the grooves on the wooden floor, wondering why I had never noticed them before. The wood's graining, condensed and busy, reflected the traffic that ensued in my thoughts.

"Sakura!"

"Lady Tsunade," interrupted Kakashi. He stood beside me. "Please take it easy on her."

Shizune lowered TonTon to the floor. "Maybe we should continue another day."

"Shikamaru's not dead." She slammed her hand against the table."He'll be back here for treatment when he can. Do not react to this as though this is bad news. Something worse could have happened to him; memory loss won't be his end. If you're worried he'll blame you, then I suppose I should tell you now that the recent turn of events is actually to our advantage. Orochimaru won't get anything out of him because he remembers nothing of the rebirth case and its succeeding chapters. We won't be reminding him of it, are we clear? You and Sai, especially, are a lot safer this way."

With my back turned to her, I couldn't estimate the reaction in the room. Had I no right to be dismayed? Was no one going to point a finger at me? Shikamaru would have let me die had he disregarded his feelings for me.

"I presume neither Sakura nor I will be assigned to any mission outside of the village for the time being," said Sai.

"We'll be formulating a plan once Shikamaru's back," said Inoichi.

Shikaku cleared his throat. "I have already begun drafting our options, milady."

"Good, good. Sakura, you should – Sakura!"

Turning around, I bowed to the Hokage and marched out of the room. She called my name thrice.

The fourth time I heard my name, it wasn't in her voice. I stopped in the middle of the hallway and looked back to see Shikaku had followed me outside.

"I'm sorry, sir," I said. "We both know his underlying motive for saving me was invalid."

"Sakura-"

"My hurts," I said, poking my chest, allowing a shred of tear to fall from the corner of my right eye. "It's not valid. He's not dead but I clearly ruined his life."

He closed his eyes and sighed. "Sakura, I know my son better than you know him. He'll take the shortcut as often as he can but he chose the long and narrow road if it meant he could guarantee your survival. I assure you – it was valid."

"He'll not know it for himself," I said. "He'll not know what he risked his life for. Before the rebirth case, we barely talked about anything but strategy. Shikamaru won't have a single clue as to why he'd do such a stupid thing for my sake. We had an agreement, sir. I explained that agreement to him. Nothing we felt for each other could have been reliable under the circumstances of the rebirth case. We were alone and desperate. We took solace in each other's company and mistook it for-for-"

"Love?" he asked.

I sniffed and rubbed my fist across my damp cheeks. "Shikamaru deserves none of this."

Shikaku turned to the open window. The illumination of the orange sky on his face only vivified the grief he was hiding underneath his skin. It was so clear that I could not bear to look at him any longer. When I turned my back on him, he said, "Yoshino asked me about you."

I waited.

He chuckled. "I told her that you're not the woman Shikamaru's always imagined for a partner. He got the exact opposite of what he wanted, actually. I told her that it served our son right for aiming for a normal life. Nothing is normal when you're a shinobi. She laughed and retorted that it is only when we don't get what we want that we appreciate love in its purest form."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I can't say how things will turn out for you and my son, but if you are convinced you feel something akin to love for him, you should accept his gift to you and move on. Lady Tsunade is correct; you are safer now that he does not remember you and the rebirth case."

"You mean we are safer apart." I clutched the hem of my skirt. "You mean – "

"Stay away from my son," he finished. "Orochimaru will go after you, Sakura. Shikamaru will not hesitate to stab himself a thousand times if it's the only way to save you. You cannot attempt to explain your relationship to him without triggering memories of the rebirth case. The less he knows, the less of a threat he becomes to Konoha."

"The lesser the chance that you'll lose your only son."

"I'll die if he does, Sakura. That's the truth."

"And if he remembers everything by himself?"

"Danzo will not side with us a second time. An encore of that non-existent case will surely destroy us all."

I remembered Shikamaru, sitting on the couch. We were alone, and his arm was outstretched on the backrest, reaching out to me. He asked me whether I was afraid. I could not recall the answer I gave.

"Mr. Shikaku, sir?"

"I need an answer, Sakura."

"Will it give you peace of mind if I swear I'll stay away from him?"

A pause.

"Yes."

I looked over my shoulder and smiled my best at him. "I promise."

I meant those two words. The longer I meditated on the greater good that my separation with Shikamaru would endow the entire village, the more passionate I became in nursing my own heart. I forced myself to confront the fact that the next three months would be a piece of cake compared to my inevitable reunion with Shikamaru. Could I call it a reunion, the first time we'd meet again after the longest year of my life? I should allow myself that slice of comfort, even just in the confines of my head.

After all, I was the only one who could hear the mental outrage that dulled my senses so often that, for several moments, I would stand in a petrified state in public places. Sometimes the voice of my own conscience would scare me. Kana remained a glaring bruise in my reflection, regardless of what mirror I used to look at myself.

I owed my sanity to Ino and the rest of my friends. They kept me busy enough to forget the pain for days.

The shock of our return had caught them so off-guard that they could only gawk at me on my second day in Konoha. Lady Tsunade had summoned me to her office again to avoid having 'these young people cause a scene in the streets at the sight of you and Sai'. She made the right call, it seemed, because after the initial sigh of relief that overtook Naruto, Ino, Choji, Kiba, Shino, Hinata, TenTen, Neji, and Rock Lee, they instigated a riot that took the smashing of the Hokage's desk to quiet down.

There was no denying my joy at having friends within reach again. Above all, Sai finally grasped the context of familial bond through actual interaction instead of how-to books. It was impossible to miss the love that filled the room during that moment, particularly because Naruto made a public oath to protect Sai and me with all his might in our future endeavours. He would not allow us to come so close to death again.

Despite the changes that one year did to his physique, his boyish grin and ideals remained intact. It seemed to me that the older we got, the stronger his conviction became. A part of me wished I could confess to him my broken heart so that he could urge me to find an alternate route in ensuring Konoha's peace; nevertheless, I could not begin to tolerate the likelihood that no alternate route existed for Shikamaru and me. So I shut my mouth and drowned in the glee they precipitated us with. I deserved to be happy, too, didn't I?

Maybe this was a sign that I should be content.

Our succeeding get-together at the barbeque restaurant served as another wake-up call for me. It had not been my intention to ignore the strain between Neji and I – no, not at all. I meant to deal with my crime by telling him something Ayano didn't have the nerve to tell him.

I insisted that we talked outside the restaurant, and once alone, I came clean. "The engagement was supposed to tie you down," I said. "Ayano wanted you to propose its termination. She committed her wits to driving you mad just so you'd back out."

The nearby lamp post flickered. His face, livid due to the drugs injected into the veins around his eyes, paled one second and flushed crimson the next. "She-she told you that?"

"That's our last attempt at a decent conversation, actually." I coughed and zipped my jacket up. "I scolded her, lectured her about keeping such issues to herself and never trusting anyone to help her get through her problems. She screamed at me and said that I am not a Hyuuga and I can't possibly understand your ways. She was determined to break off the engagement in case an opportunity arose for you to become the clan's leader. You were aware that you would be disqualified from that position by marrying Ayano, weren't you?"

He scowled at the frost-covered ground. "Her defective Byakugan. Who'd risk having an heir with a defective Byakugan?"

"I'm positive she would have loved to proceed with the engagement had there not been an ulterior motive for it."

"She laughed."

"Excuse me?"

"Before she...died." He swallowed and looked up at the sky. "Ayano laughed at me before she died. I was cradling her like an infant, hoping that the hole in her chest would close and disappear altogether. She merely laughed at me and... fell asleep. Yes, asleep. It was as though she found her happiness, at last. I've never seen her so free, Sakura."

Kiba and Akamaru burst through the restaurant's front door. "Neji! Lee's got sake in his system!"

A series of shrieks and clatters erupted inside the establishment.

"I warned everybody," grumbled Neji.

Naruto's declaration to commence the combat boomed throughout the block.

"Surprise, surprise." I slipped on my leather gloves and popped my knuckles. "Let me handle this, Neji. Kiba! Tell Naruto that if he doesn't stop this now, he'll be spending the night in the hospital!"

Akamaru dropped to the ground and played dead. Kiba winced. "Y-yes, ma'am!"

I wished every night could have been spent like that. The noise and the activity distracted me so proficiently from reality that for days, I would have a hangover from the pleasure of their company. Ino dressed me on each occasion until we've exhausted my supply of clothes. We set appointments with the others who weren't deployed on a mission and we'd explore Konoha's districts in a manner that was less fitting for our ranks. We didn't misbehave, but we didn't exactly behave either.

At least, _I_ didn't.

Ino took me away me from the bars and cabarets at the slightest hint of drunkenness. I couldn't piece together the incident wherein I humiliated her in public and she managed to force Neji to drag me to my house. My memories were clouded by the stench of vomit and the blare of senseless ramblings.

The week following my drunken episode (when, at last, Ino decided to forgive me for calling her names in the middle of a crowded bar) she revealed that it was Neji who ultimately saved me from suspension due to public misconduct.

"He recently returned from a mission that night," she hissed over the counter at the nurse's station while I filed my patient's medical form. "He so happened to be passing by so I claimed my luck and shoved him into the scene. I didn't really compel him to save your ass. He kind of just jabbed your nape and carried you over his shoulder. Of course, he didn't have a clue as to where your house was. I had to accompany him and refrain myself from shaving your head out of respect for the poor guy. I got you cleaned up and told him he could go, but he insisted on watching over you since you're all alone in the house. Didn't you say you caught him sleeping on an armchair like a statue?"

I rubbed my temples and nodded. He had snoozed on my father's chair, frozen like a corpse, while the hours of the night drifted. I told Ino that I caught him like that the morning I woke up, beaten with a headache and reeking of alcohol. As far as she knew, he left my house once he was convinced that I could stand on my own two feet and hold the bin to my face.

She probed the topic some more until Shizune ordered her to assist a doctor in the emergency room - a diversion that I would have to thank Shizune for. The emergency room would occupy Ino for the remaining hours of the day and reward me with sufficient peace to sort that unfortunate event in the silence of my cubicle.

I wasn't going to indulge Ino on the true happenings of that evening. She had a mouth that spat secrets faster than I could cast a jutsu. It would have been a laughable topic if the man that accompanied me had been, say, Kiba or Naruto instead. As it was, Neji possessed grace and class that warranted no insult whatsoever.

And I could definitely brand my sleeping on top of him that evening an insult to his name.

Try as I might, I could not rouse my reason for having dragged my drunken ass off the bed in the middle of the night to crawl to his lap. I did remember, however, that he had attempted to carry me back to my bedroom only to discover that my arms around his neck could not be disentangled through brute force. In the end, we had resumed our position on the armchair and conceded to sleep. I had awoken at dawn, submerged in the warmth of the body that leaned lightly over mine.

His hair of black silk had draped across my body like a blanket. His cheek, pressed against my forehead, had felt as soft as the bare arms wrapped around my shoulders and knees to secure my position.

I stopped scribbling on my tablet and cupped my chin to think.

In all honesty, I hadn't expected him to be so gentle and...compassionate? Succeeding my litany of apologies and excuses, we had shared a cup of coffee and dissected my recent ventures which, unfortunately, included six trips to eight different bars within the span of two weeks. All it had taken for me to burst into tears was the question of whether or not I was truly okay. I'd answered that I wanted nothing more than to relinquish the guilt that was nibbling at my existence. If only I could vanish out of whim, I would.

"Sabotaging your career now will result to a destruction you will regret in the future," he'd warned. "We saved you because we believe in you and the wonders your hands can do. Fail us, and we will forever be scarred by the doubt of whether you were worthy of our sacrifice. It will loom on us for the remainder of our military service and affect the future sacrifices we will be making. Do not provoke me to think that Ayano died for nothing."

I managed to stay sober from then onwards. It had been six weeks since. Two months had passed since I found my place in Konoha again.

Isas peered over my cubicle and knocked on the wood. "Sakura, you have an appointment with Lady Tsunade in five minutes. She'll chop your hair off if you're late again."

"You mean my head," I grumbled.

The jounin exams for medics donned a reputation of difficulty worth committing suicide for. If Neji hadn't lectured me, I would have gladly used the exams as an excuse for an accidental death.

I coiled my braid in a bun atop my head while climbing the stairs to the fifth floor. My training for the week included the acupressure of the nerves. Should I master this art by Sunday, Lady Tsunade promised she'd teach me how to shred layers of muscles without direct physical contact with the target.

I coursed the main corridor and turned left to the bridge that connected the hospital to the research department. The wind surged and retreated like the ocean waves, blowing my bangs back and fro my face and forcing me to pin it behind my ear with a paper clip

The door of room RA1B slid sideways, the shrieking of the hinges fracturing the silence. Shikaku emerged and shouted his thanks to the doctor.

I grabbed the railing. I could say that the wind carried my documents away and I jumped off to retrieve them. My co-workers teased me of being a neurotic medic often enough to justify the inanity of the act.

Shikaku stopped on the mouth of the bridge at the sight of me.

Detaching my fingers from the dent I made on the railing, I flexed them and hid my hand inside my coat pocket. Thank goodness I received my white coat yesterday. The pockets proved comfortable enough to conceal my humongous fist in whenever a tantrum threatened to surface.

He smiled at me. "I've been meaning to pull you aside in the hospital once I've finished my business with the researchers here. I'm grateful you're here now to spare me the trouble of pleading with Shizune."

"Oh." I glanced at my wristwatch. "I'm actually in a hurry to meet with Lady Tsunade for my training. Pardon my being blunt, but can we talk another time?"

"I simply wanted to tell you that Shikamaru is due to return in two weeks."

My lips parted, allowing my breath to escape. "That early?"

"He's been working hard," he said. "Would it be cruel of me to remind you of your promise?"

"...I know what I said, sir. I'll keep it."

"If he insists on talking to you, what do you tell him?"

A chuckle gurgled in my throat. "Anything but the truth, of course. Please trust me. I don't want to put him in any more danger than he's already suffered from."

He stroked his beard and lowered his eyes to the garden below us. "Can I ask you to trust me in return?"

"None of you gave me any _choice_." I glanced at my watch again. "Excuse me, sir. I'm late."

Walking past him with my chin up could be deemed as my greatest achievement thus far. The pride swelled in my chest until it became too uncomfortable to contain. I dashed to the nearest corridor and hit my head against the wall three times.

The fresh source of pain enabled me to regain my composure faster than I normally could. With my shoulders rolled back and my mood parked on neutral, I entered room RB3A and announced my presence to Lady Tsunade.

She stepped aside to reveal Neji lying on a reclining chair. "You're late. Get over here and prepare to fix the nerves around Neji's left eye."

" _What_?"

The two of them turned to stare at me.

I scratched my neck. "I thought we're going to – "

"There's no better way of mastering the art than through practicing on a live patient." She pointed at Neji's brow. "Focus here. You'll recognize the supposed pattern not long after you've started on the primary nerves – if you ever plan on warming up your fingers and getting started at all."

I shrugged off my coat and tossed it on the desk. Lady Tsunade slipped into hers and walked out of the room.

Neji massaged his jaws. "The Hokage is in a foul disposition today."

"The air is thick with it."

"Your forehead is swelling."

"I tripped."

"Sakura, can you check my jaw?"

"Did she prick you?" I propped my knee on the reclining chair and leaned forward to inspect the area that he was massaging. "It's turning yellow. Does it throb?"

"Slightly, yes."

I snatched the syringe filled with orange liquid and inserted the needle into his skin. The yellow bruise faded. Extracting the needle, I ran my thumb across the puncture and concentrated my chakra there. "Shikamaru will be back in two weeks," I said. "His father told me a moment ago."

"That's good."

"Isn't it?"

"You sound the least pleased."

I scraped my fingernail around the primary nerve below his brow to straighten its chakra flow. "Mr. Nara made me promise to stay away from him. I'm sure you've heard that Orochimaru's itching to abduct us."

"Did you agree to Mr. Nara?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Why should he insist on such an agreement?"

"He thought..." I paused to observe the descent of the chakra to the duct that facilitated the activation of his Byakugan. "...that I have feelings for Shikamaru. We all thought it. Fortunately, it's not a fact. Mr. Nara concluded that we'd be safer apart. The thing is...I won't even get the chance to thank him for... _that_. He did so much for me. I just wish we can at least be friends."

"Is he worth the sacrifice?" He shifted on the chair and changed the angle of his head to make it easier for me to perform the acupressure.

"Worth the sacrifice?"

"Mr. Nara's asking so little of you compared to what his son voluntarily offered for your salvation."

I tucked my leg beneath me. "I suppose."

"You're a powerful kunoichi with a responsibility to the village," he said. "Maybe it would help to think of it as a gift to the villagers instead of an ache you have to shoulder because you have no choice but to do so."

"Neji?"

"Hm?"

"You didn't tell Lady Tsunade about what happened, you know, in my house?"

He arched his right eyebrow. "It's none of my business."

"Thank you." I transferred my fingertips above his left eye. "She won't be elated if she finds out. Keep it a secret for me?"

"I plan to, Sakura."

The tone of his voice compelled me to retract my chakra. "About my clinging to you like that – "

"You don't have to apologize again." He took my hand and placed it on his left eyebrow again. "We all lose our balance sometimes."

I looked into his eyes, at the expanse of white where his pupils should have been. At the back of my head I was aware that the Hyuugas owned pupils, but it still frightened me to feel his gaze without witnessing their movement the way I could with everybody else. Detecting his thoughts and emotions was a challenging venture. It would be like diving into a bottomless sea of snow. The cold would freeze you in an instant; you would have no idea where you let your guard down and presented the cold with the opportunity to penetrate your body.

"Do you?" I whispered. "Lose your balance sometimes?"

"...Sometimes."

"Ayano was a great person. Anybody would fall at the loss of her."

Neji shut his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"The time for apologies has ended, Sakura."

I kissed the inner corner of his left eye.

He blinked at me, startled, perhaps, but not indisposed. "And that was for?"

"Lack of better words."

Neji frowned. He sniffed. He overturned my right forearm and rolled my sleeve up. Blood oozed from the diagonal cut below my wrist. I yanked my arm free. He seized me by the shoulder and dragged me down to the reclining chair.

" _Why_?" He opened the glass jar of cotton balls and pressed one over my cut. "Did you try to kill yourself, Sakura?"

"Don't be stupid!" I inspected my wrist. "It's a paper cut! I was carrying towers of papers earlier and they must have cut me when they slipped from my grasp. See! I have some on my fingers too!"

Neji searched my face for any hint of a lie. Finding none, he sighed and wrapped his fingers around my wrist. "You scared me."

" _Scared_ _you_?"

"I meant – "

"I scared you," I said, and lowered my eyes to his wrist. Kakashi told me he'd been confined in the rehabilitation centre for months. Rumours circulated that the doctors refused to discharge him out of fear that he was a threat to himself. Turning over his hand, I saw the scar of a healing incision directly above his pulse.

Neither of us spoke.

Neji took a bandage from the nearby trey and ripped off the plastic covering. He enclosed my wrist with several layers of bandage as though the paper cut was bound to open and drain me of blood. "It's wrong, trying to take your own life. There are answers to problems."

"Is that why you stayed with me in my house?"

"Alcohol dulls common sense," he murmured. "I know depression when I come across it. The unusual appetite, the changing sleeping patterns, the sudden mood shifts...the misplaced show of affection. The latter is desperation, Sakura."

"The Fifth Hokage's protégé is being lectured on the symptoms of depression. Oh joy."

"The depressed girl is being told she's not as stuck as she thinks she is."

I placed my hand above his, stopping his movements. "I get your point. I can heal by myself."

He continued to dress my wrist in silence.

"Why so many layers?"

"So you won't tolerate death," Neji said, knotting the ends together. "And, maybe, for lack of better words."


	48. Chapter Forty-Seven

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Summary:** The rebirth case had finally been resolved. Danzo and Tsunade are cooperating to keep Konoha Council and the rest of the village unaware and unharmed by the secrets that nearly set them all on fire. Sai, Shikamaru, and Sakura were exiled to separate provinces in order for them to regain their health and to keep away from Orochimaru's clutches. After one year of recovery period, the three of them are recalled to Konoha to face the consequences of the rebirth case. Is this the end of their troubles or do they still have the demons of their former conquest left to confront?

* * *

 **Forty – Seven**

 **Sakura**

It was more of a partnership, really - my relationship with Neji. At one point, I would have loved to convert it to something more romantic but Neji was right when he said that, right now, love was nothing more than desperation on my part. I would be craving for it in each turn I make throughout the following months. Depression, he said, could not be overcome by mere willpower. Time and again, I would see varying reflections of myself in the mirror. I might not recognize myself. The significance of accepting the lending hand could not be stressed enough. Did I have friends I could rely on?

"Yes, I think so," I told him.

"Good," he'd replied. "Go to them."

Even so, he stuck around.

He did not follow me like a lost puppy or an obsessed parent, albeit he did have the tendency to worry to an excess. Had our session in room RB3A not occurred, I would have concluded his latter interactions with me as peculiar. As it was, I perceived everything he did for me as another form of desperation – a desperation that would not be quenched if I lost this battle.

Neji maintained a constant presence around me without crying for attention or sinking into the background altogether. He was just there...always there.

Whenever we were granted a break from our duties, we'd take long walks along the farmer's district to discuss our day. I was aware that he must have learned this approach from his stay at the rehab, but this knowledge never affected the positive impact it had on me. Slowly, I learned to appreciate the patients who thanked me for healing them and the military officers who sought my advice for certain medical endeavours. The people around me radiated a level of vigour I had failed to observe before; the trees swayed with the same grace I only noticed in my childhood.

Thrice, I had caught him suppressing a smile. I had badgered him until he confessed that he found my facial expressions comical. "Like telling a child that the clouds aren't cotton candies," he'd said. "Children make faces that are amusing and impressive all at once."

"Should I take offense that you referred to me as a child or be flattered that you think I'm impressive?"

"Your reactions are impressive."

"You aren't generous with compliments."

I found it funny, the way his guardianship made me feel safe. The security he blessed my existence with mirrored that which I had received from Nohara, only his exuded the masculinity that every woman deserved to enjoy.

TenTen dropped by my work station yesterday to comment on Neji's 'regular visits to a pink-haired medic'. Between Neji and me, it was clear that our affiliation stood solely on the friend zone. That was why, when TenTen implied that he and me were dating, I burst into laughter.

Okay, my response would probably get Neji in trouble. I should have denied it to TenTen and avoided the rumours, but a cleverness in that thought urged me to boost her false notion.

On our second session in room RB3A, Lady Tsunade remained with us to supervise the acupressure therapy. It saddened me that the small amount of sedative I added to Neji's medicine caused him to fall asleep. Reclined on the chair, with his hands intertwined above his stomach and his lids draw over his eyes; he appeared to me the most peaceful man on Earth.

Regardless of his loveliness, I wished he was awake to look at me - while my face hovered so near to his - to assure me that I could claim the equanimity he had achieved. After all, I had discovered a means by which my troubles could be lessened. I should discuss this with him later in the day.

I straightened my back and twisted my upper body left and right to stretch my muscles. "I'm done, Lady Tsunade."

She capped her pen. Lowering the medical chart from her face, she squinted at the blue and green traces of chakra left lingering on Neji's temples. "One week," she said, glimpsing me through the corner of her eye. "You mastered this in one week. Have you been pulling off all-nighters again, Sakura? You know how I feel about your lack of rest. You'll injure yourself."

How _did_ she feel about my lack of rest? She bombarded me with five day's worth of workload yesterday evening and tasked Isas to nag me about my progress. Sometimes I had to remind myself that she was an old woman underneath that youthful facade.

"I slept five hours," I said as I flattened my palm across Neji's forehead. "It's an easy technique. You told me so when we started."

Neji blinked his left eye, and then his right.

I lifted my hand off him. "Are you good?"

He winced. "Did you just force me to wake up?"

"You've been asleep for two hours. I thought you said you still have to substitute for an instructor in the Academy?"

"Oh?" Lady Tsunade tossed a damp towel at Neji. "What will you be teaching?"

He dabbed the towel along his jaws. "Master Gai was supposed to give a lecture on taijutsu. He caught a flu from a foreign village in his last mission and henceforth assigned me to take his place. I warned him that I'm still sore from the series of physical therapy I undertook, but he wouldn't take no for an answer."

I climbed the reclining chair. Neji pulled his knees to his chest to make space for me. I tucked my legs beneath me and spread my fingers across his cheeks. The chakra seeped into his pores and soothed his nerves. He moaned.

"I bet the children will want to see the Byakugan in action," I said.

He opened his right eye. "And risk impeding the success of the acupressure therapy? I don't think so."

Lady Tsunade signed Neji's medical chart and hung it on the wall. "Take Sakura with you. It's her day off."

My eyebrows raised high on my forehead, the only action that would exhibit my disbelief without triggering her animosity. She'd been suffering from severe fits of anger lately. I did my best to avoid becoming her next punching bag. "It is?" I squeaked.

She smiled. "We'll train again tomorrow. Be sure to have fun. I'll be in my office if you want to damage your brain with extra work."

"Thank you!" I yelled just as she shut the door.

Neji grabbed his forehead protector from the neighbouring metal trolley and wiped the placard with his cuffs. "Is that normal behaviour for her?"

"Lately, it is," I said. "One moment she's scolding me for miscalculation in some stupid statistics for the hospital's annual report and the next she's treating me to lunch. Now she's giving me a day off. It's like she doesn't know what to do with me."

"Do you think it has something to do with Shikamaru's nearing return?"

"What about it?"

"She may be concerned about your emotions, Sakura," he said. "You have no clue as to what she put us through during the rebirth case. She loathed the idea of your death as though you were her own child."

"But Shikamaru's got nothing to do with me," I said. "It's a big misunderstanding between him and me. Besides, one year can blur a lot of things. I barely remember the mission he and I had been in. A big daunting blur. _Forgettable_. I mean, he managed to _forget_ about it. Why can't I? It's a big fat misunderstanding that isn't worth paying attention to. That's it."

"You remind me of TenTen. She talks on and on when she's trying to conceal the truth."

I cupped his face with both hands to stop him from moving. "I'm still your doctor, you know. I can paralyze your eyelid so that it doesn't close completely when you blink."

He raised his hands in surrender. "Please, no more damage to my eyes."

"Then take my side more often."

"I'll bear that in mind."

I warmed my palm with chakra and allowed his skin to absorb it. The reddening beside his nostrils subsided. I swiped my thumb on the yellow marks below his lower lip. Folding my legs to my chest, I ducked my head and peered up to see it clearly. It wasn't like the yellow of a fresh bruise; no, this had surfaced before. The tinge of auburn around it reminded me of a withering hybrid-tea rose. Ino showed me one a few weeks back. It was a beautiful flower. I squinted at the hint of green nerves at the bruise's centre.

The sinking of Neji's Adam's apple led me to notice the stiffness of his pose and the unsteadiness of his breathing.

I removed my fingers from his chin and scooted backwards, hoping the blush on my cheeks wasn't so obvious. "You're showing signs of allergic reaction. I was checking. The-the yellow marks keep reappearing. I'll have to find out which drug you're allergic to. But we can do that in the next session. You're busy anyway."

Neji cleared his throat, his eyes avoiding mine. "I see."

I jumped off the reclining chair and busied my hands with the medical paraphernalia scattered on the trolley. Three cotton balls lay inside the glass jar. One unused syringe remained in the plastic container. Kazuo should be taking note of our supplies. I couldn't do all the work for him. He ought to get a smack the next we pass each other in the hospital. What hour did his shift start? I used to be able to recite my colleagues' shifts while juggling the ingredients of a supplement pill.

"Sakura?"

"Tell me how it goes, okay?"I scooped up the trash bin and emptied it in the black garbage bag behind the desk.

"What?"

"Teaching the children taijutsu." I blew my bangs off my face and saw that he was watching me. "Tell me how it goes."

He climbed off the reclining chair, still staring at me as he put on his forehead protector. A touch of a scowl teased his brows. "You're not coming with me?"

I stopped halfway to uncoiling my chignon. No, I wasn't willing to trade an afternoon's worth of sleep for some ungrateful children, but the quiet alarm behind his elocution forced me to rethink my options.

Slowly, I extracted the brooch from my roll of braided hair. "Of course I am," I chirped. "I was kidding."

He opened and closed his mouth. He turned his back on me to collect his belongings on another metal trolley. "Hinata has better humour."

"What did you say?"

"You are a funny woman. Let's go."

We crossed the bridge leading to the hospital and jogged three flights of stairs to get to the ground floor. I suggested that he use the elevator since he was still lethargic from the treatment, but he claimed that he could keep up. Tired as my legs were, I couldn't break my oath to steer clear of shortcuts until the jounin exam was over. Strength was my greatest asset; honing my physique was top priority.

I bounced on my toes as I waited for him to reach level ground. Watching him trudge down the final three steps reminded me of Shikamaru in their forest lodging. He had wrestled with me on the staircase and insisted that the dishes could be washed in the evening. He even threatened to break them just to get me to work with him on the scrolls. Come to think of it, we never bothered to clear the dining table after I announced that Shikamaru's heart was failing him.

Neji opened the glass door that led to the main hall. "After you."

I thanked him and led the way out of the hospital.

Visiting the Academy drenched me with nostalgia. The worn out paint of the corridors and the remonstration booming from the classrooms squeezed my soul into a box that suited the thirteen year old me. I couldn't tell if Neji reciprocated the discomfort. He strode across corridors without glancing at the portraits and bulletin boards that decorated the place.

Did he breeze through his Academy years or struggled a little bit like everybody else did?

He fished a note from his pocket, glanced at it, and motioned to the violet door at the end of the east wing. "They'll be in shorts and t-shirts."

"Dressed for war?"

"Precisely."

"Have you done this before?"

He produced a thick, white string from his pocket and proceeded to muster his hair into a ponytail. Discerning his difficulty, I tiptoed behind him and bound the string around his hair. He tugged at it to check its firmness. "The last I substituted for Master Gai in a taijutsu class, two boys used my hair as nooses," he said.

"They wanted to choke themselves using human hair?"

"I am not fond of children," he muttered, more to himself than to me.

He taught basic taijutsu to twenty children for the next hour and a half. Actually, he taught for only thirty-five minutes and allowed me to take over until the bell rang. The acupressure therapy caused him to be more drowsy than usual, and the stress of earning the children's attention seemed to speed the after-effect of the drug in his system.

I exhausted my anxiety over his healthy by daring the boys to a sparring match. Smug and mighty, they circled me and attacked in unison. Ten seconds later, the girls were applauding me and the boys were sprawled on the floor, breathless and about to cry.

To compensate for their cooperation, I dismissed them early. They raced each other to the door. I dragged a chair to the corner of the room where Neji took a nap. His folded arm was jutting out of the open window, his face pressed against the nook of his elbow.

I sat next to him.

He lifted his head and propped his chin on the window ledge. "Is it over?"

"War's ended," I said. "We won."

"Are they alive?"

"It's their lucky day." I leaned on the wall and breathed in the age of the Academy's infrastructure. Being here again, after all these time, made me feel decades older than I truly was. "Hey, TenTen came to me with a question yesterday."

"Did she interrogate you about the new ninjutsu Lord Hiashi taught me?"

"No, not that." I rubbed the length of my arm. "She asked if we're dating."

Neji yawned. "What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"That's odd."

"If she thinks we're dating, it will help Mr. Nara believe that I'm over Shikamaru."

"Mr. Nara doesn't gossip."

"He's watching me," I whispered, perhaps to emphasize my point, perhaps to gain his interest. "He'll make sure that I stay away from Shikamaru."

Neji turned his head to face me. "Even if I court you, it does not assure him that you've abandoned all feelings for Shikamaru."

"Would I be spending time with you if I -"

"It's not proof that you're in love with me," he said. "That's what you want to make out of this, don't you? Sakura, Mr. Nara is the leader of the intelligence division. He needs proof. It's a lot of work, easing the mind of a man like him. He can look at us once and conclude that we share no romantic inclination for each other."

I stood and paced the room, my hands on my hips. "I just want to get rid of the fear that he'll accost me for thinking of Shikamaru and wanting to hold him and-and...I won't! I want him to believe that I won't. I can't put Shikamaru in danger again."

"Sakura, calm down."

"He's returning to Konoha in seven days and I can't begin to think how I'm supposed to act like nothing happened! The man fucking risked his life for me, Neji!" I gasped for air. "It-it's all too much sometimes and-and-and I wake up in the middle of the night and see shadows in my room and I see Orochimaru with a scalpel and my blood over his clothes and he's laughing at me and saying that I've let everybody down-"

"Sakura!"

"I can't! I can't do this!"

Neji knocked the chair over when he stood and darted towards me. He gripped my shoulders and shook me twice. He told me to please calm down and reminded me that we were in the Academy and people would worry if they saw me in this state. I was merely fatigued from the day's work. I should sleep. I'd be better when I wake up. "Besides, the rebirth case doesn't exist. You can't behave otherwise."

I bowed my head and touched my brow. "I dream about it."

"What do you see in your dreams?"

"Kana on top of me, trying to open my mouth wide enough so she can get in. Orochimaru laying me on a pond. Sometimes, I don't know whether I'm still asleep or not but I think I see Shikamaru in my kitchen stabbing himself over and over as though his blood on me will keep every bad person away." I tightened my hold on Neji's arms to steady myself. "Am I losing my mind?"

His lips pressed together in a straight line. He shook his head. "Look, I'll bring you home and stay with you for the night. I'll make sure you won't see those things. However, you have to compose yourself and promise not to do anything stupid. I can't help you if you won't help yourself. Do we have a deal?"

"What if this never goes away?"

"What do you tell your patients whenever they use that kind of idiotic excuse?"

" _Idiotic_ excuse?"

"It's ridiculous to think this will last your entire life," he said. "What do you tell your patients whenever they want to give up?"

I chuckled upon remembering a patient who attempted to jump out the window. His tantrums suddenly made sense. What I once saw as madness, I now recognized as melancholy. I had no idea where that surge of anger and confusion came from; its source was like a well that displaced itself in my identity and vomited stale water over my peace until I'd be left with no option but to let them all out. "Shut up and let me take care of you. That's what I tell them."

"Interesting," he said. "Let's start from there. Do shut up and let other people take care of you. If we're going to be strategic, you'll want others confirming your own stable state of mind. That's the only means of pacifying Shikaku."

The children's laughter echoed from the courtyard. I was thirteen when I last laughed like that. "Neji, you don't have to do this anymore. You're right. I'm just tired from work and I'm overthinking things. I should rest. Right, I should rest. But geez, you don't have to watch over me. I'm not a kid."

Neji stayed with me. Orochimaru disappeared from my dreams that night. He slept on the couch and woke up every two hours to check on me. Ino visited my house more often. She decorated my room with flowers and bought me a dress that was on sale in Mika's shop. Lady Tsunade decreased my workload in half and distributed it to Isas and Kazuo. Was my depression so obvious that they had to show such immense pity on me?

However the annoyance I harboured for their sudden shift of conduct towards me, I enjoyed the extra dose of peace that entered my biosphere. Sai talked me into visiting Kurenai and her baby. He wanted to apologize for nearly killing them during the rebirth case. I sent Kurenai a note that we would be visiting. Hinata relayed to me that Kurenai would be glad to receive us.

Sai made his apology. His wording, rehearsed from the new book that Kakashi gave him, was stiff but sincere. Kurenai even let him hold the baby girl.

I no longer slept late. I stuck to a regular schedule of eating, sleeping, cleaning, studying, and working. My tantrums appeared less. Everybody noticed that I was smiling more.

Wednesday arrived.

I knew my happiness would be cut short. That morning, I jogged around the village before dawn, returned to my apartment to bathe and get dressed, and prepared my notes for the general assembly that Lady Tsunade was holding in the hospital. Suna would visit Konoha next week. Every personnel was prepping for the joint medical expedition that the Fifth Hokage and the Lord Kazekage would launch.

I braided my hair while I sprinted to the hospital. A veil of grey still hung in the atmosphere, disabling the brightness of the blue sky from soaking the village. I took solace in the knowledge that the sun would rise in a couple of minutes. That veil would rip and disperse.

A new day, I thought.

I slipped into the gap of the glass doors. Kazuo was probably cleaning the air conditioner to prevent it from frosting; hence he resorted to natural ventilation. Lady Tsunade would be mad if she discovered that he left the main entryway gaping. I tugged it close behind me and scanned the hall.

Was I late or early?

Peering over the nurse's station, I saw that Isas had yet to bring out the registry. As I was rummaging the desk for that purple ledger, a waft of smoke stole my attention. The tobacco prickled the inner lining of my nose. I rounded the desk and scanned the hall again. Empty.

"Is anybody there?"

A man coughed.

I tiptoed to the corridor leading to the south wing. Rings of smoke arose from the corner. From my vantage point, I could see that the sliding door to the garden had been prised open by force.

The man coughed again.

"Isas!" I stomped towards that hidden corner, my footfalls resonating throughout the empty corridor. "For the hundredth time, smoking is prohibited even in the garden!"

"Not Isas," the man said.

I turned the corner and saw he wasn't Isas. He was Shikamaru, holding a cigarette between his fingers and rubbing his eyes. The haze of smoke cleared at last, and he shifted on the metal bench to see me. "Hey, Sakura."


	49. Chapter Forty-Eight

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Summary:** The rebirth case had finally been resolved. Danzo and Tsunade are cooperating to keep Konoha Council and the rest of the village unaware and unharmed by the secrets that nearly set them all on fire. Sai, Shikamaru, and Sakura were exiled to separate provinces in order for them to regain their health and to keep away from Orochimaru's clutches. After one year of recovery period, the three of them are recalled to Konoha to face the consequences of the rebirth case. Is this the end of their troubles or do they still have the demons of their former conquest left to confront?

 **Note from person who uploads this fic:** Uploads will be more frequent because I'm getting busier as the year ends. All reviews and PMs will be answered by the author at the end of this fanfic.

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 **Forty – Eight**

 **Sakura:**

"You're not allowed to smoke here."

"Oh. Sorry." He grazed the cigarette on the metal bench and tossed it into the bin next to his right foot "Wasn't thinking. It's kind of like a reflex now. I won't do it again."

I glanced at the corridor. Still empty. The violet ledger sat on the counter, alone. Shifting my weight to my left leg, I leaned on the wall and dipped my hands in the pocket of my green sweater. "There's no need to be so guilty. You've been gone for a year. Unless the hospital in the province allows people to smoke in its premises...?"

"No hospitals," he said, peering into the breast pocket of his white tunic and mouthing numbers. From here, I could see the cigarettes cramped inside it. He patted his pocket, as though for security, and looked up at me. "Were you?"

"Was I what?"

"In any hospital during that entire year?"

I glanced at the corridor again. "You know I was gone, too?"

He ducked his head. "Shouldn't I?"

"Trauma-" I swallowed to moisten my throat. The word was poison to my tongue, causing it to be swollen and feel sloppy inside my mouth. "T-trauma-induced memory loss. Lady Tsunade said that you can't remember anything that happened. I'm surprised they told you about...me. Oh! That's why you're smoking."

He gaped. He shut his mouth, realizing my implication, and scratched the back of his ear. "Yeah. It was...it was kind of crazy when they told me Asuma's gone. But it's okay now. I'm okay. Is Kurenai okay? They say she has a baby. Is that true?"

The stench of blood on Kurenai's kimono blocked my senses for several seconds. The baby, blue and violet and slippery, lay in my arms. The illusion drifted at the recollection of Shikamaru pressing me against his body and cradling the baby to safeguard us from the house's tremors.

I forced a smile at him. "Yes. A baby girl, actually. She's beautiful. Kakashi calls her a wicked kunoichi. So I presume you haven't seen anybody else yet?"

"You mean Choji, Ino, and the rest?" He frowned at the floor, his pupils quivering. "How are they handling Asuma's death?"

"They've recovered," I said. "You have, also. Did. You did. You weren't smoking as much."

"You can tell I've been smoking much?"

"I'm a medic." I chuckled. "Besides, you said it's like a reflex. This won't be the first time I've caught you in this corner, smoking like there's no tomorrow."

"...Really?"

I glimpsed the corridor and, upon seeing its emptiness, proceeded to step into the hidden strip of space where he was. "I-I shouldn't have told you that. I'm sorry. Please don't tell anybody I said anything to you about that."

"Did I look wretched? Before?"

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing." He motioned to the sliding door. "I didn't break it, by the way. Not intentionally."

I overturned my boot and saw a twisted bolt embedded on the sole. Two more bolts dangled from the dislocated sliding door. Probing the one off my shoe, I said, "I'll fix the door. Don't worry about it. And before I forget, welcome back. It's been a while."

He stretched his hand out. "You, too. Congratulations on your own recovery and...I heard about the case study. It's impressive. I wish I had something more productive to do when I was out there."

I extracted my hand from my sweater pocket and straightened my fingers. They slipped across his palm. Our thumbs hooked. We shook hands. His calloused skin nipped mine with familiarity.

"M-more productive?" I laughed, just to prevent myself from getting distracted by his touch. "That's unlike you. I bet you enjoyed watching the clouds in the province."

"Not for an entire year." He continued to shake my hand. "It's the stolen moments from a busy day...the unplanned encounters...they're the one that make things special...so much that you can't help but keep on coming back for more of it... I think." He withdrew his hand into a fist and looked away. "It will take time to get use to the village again. How did you and Sai do it?"

I laughed again. "Sai? You seriously think Sai will ever suspend to a normal state in the village? He doesn't know normal. I'd be surprised if he can converse with a shopkeeper without offending him. I saved his ass five times in the past two weeks. Shikamaru? You're staring at me."

He pointed at my braided hair. "It's long."

"I grew it. Doesn't it suit me?"

He squinted and shook his head. "I don't mean it that way. I don't know why I'm suddenly scrutinizing everything. It's like I'm in a shock that will never end. I don't even know why I'm telling you this. Did we use to talk this way?"

I bit my tongue until the sting at the back of my eyes faded. "No."

"I guess not." He tapped his foot. The metal bench squeaked.

The last time we were here, I had sat beside him and put my hand on his back. I swore I'd heal his broken heart. The loss of a great master was not something an ordinary medic could diagnose and treat; and yet I had promised that I would find a means through which an abstract entity such as despair could be healed.

"Sakura?"

"Huh?"

He stood and poked his cheek with his index finger. "You're crying."

I touched my cheeks. Wet. I patted my skirt and blouse for a handkerchief. Shikamaru searched his clothes for one as well. I pulled the cuffs of my sweatshirt over my palm and dabbed it across my face. He saw me do this and stopped his search at once. He rubbed his neck. "Sakura...is there anything wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." I smiled at him. "Welcome back. I'm happy you're back safe and sound."

"Me, too." He mirrored my smile. "Thank you, Sakura."

I jumped on my place at the abrupt change of atmosphere in the corridor. Poking my head out of our corner, I saw Shikaku and Neji already halfway across the main hall and looking directly at me.

Shikamaru peered around the corner as well, holding onto the wall to maintain his balance. "Hey, dad, Neji."

Shikaku sniffed the air. "Were you smoking again?"

Shikamaru froze. I reached into his breast pocket and took out a cigarette. He held his breath while I moved around him. I stepped into the corridor, holding the cigarette between my thumb and forefinger. "Uhm, no, sir. It's me. I apologize for breaking rules and for...breaking the sliding door? I didn't want Lady Tsunade to catch the smell. It won't happen again."

Neji glowered at me but said nothing. I tucked the cigarette inside my skirt pocket. "Good morning, Neji."

"Good morning." He offered his hand to Shikamaru. "Welcome back."

Shikamaru shook his hand briefly. "Thanks."

"Shouldn't you be in the hospital conference, Sakura? I believe Lady Tsunade assigned you to make a presentation." Shikaku searched the corridor for a wall clock. "It ought to have started already."

My brain throbbed within the confines of my skull, forcing the walls around me to zoom in and out every few seconds. I swallowed the sour taste on my tongue and nodded over and over. Neji grabbed my elbow to steady me. He asked if I was alright.

"I'll take the stairs." I bowed to Shikaku and marched straight to the fire exit. Once out of sight, I slapped my hand over my mouth and crouched on the base of the staircase.

 **Neji:**

Mr. Nara closed his eyes and pressed two of his fingers over them. He whispered, "Shikamaru, you don't know how much I want to slam your head against the wall this very second. That was cruel."

"Neji." Shikamaru tipped his head in the direction of the fire exit.

I took a deep breath to compose myself and announced that I was going after Sakura. The door swung back and forth on its hinges. I caught it as it swung towards me and pulled it open. No footfalls echoed from the staircase. Climbing the first couple of steps, I saw Sakura's boots peeping out of the bend where the second flight of stairs began.

She leapt to her feet upon feeling my presence.

"It's only me," I whispered so as not to startle her further.

She remained motionless for several moments, and then she descended the staircase to see me. Her face, although nearly as pink as her hair, did not hold any trace of crying. Other people might suspect that she had, but compared to what I had seen in the previous weeks, she merely shed a couple of tears.

Sakura looked down at me and smiled. "Worried?"

"Of course."

"They'd wonder why you followed me."

"He seems fine, doesn't he?"

She licked her lips and nodded. "Better than I imagined. By the way, I saw you in the northern district last evening. I went there to visit Mika and Ino in that fancy new coffee shop right after I finished unpacking in my apartment. You were with a woman."

"That would be my mother."

"I thought so," she said. "You have same air about you although you don't look alike physically."

"I take after my father."

"I'm glad I take after dad, too." She turned to walk up the stairs and stopped. The scarce lighting disabled me from scrutinizing her expression. She gripped the handrail and sobbed. "I think it hurts, Neji. But not so much."

Approaching her spot on the second landing, I put my hand over her shoulder and replied, "You did well."

She patted my hand and proceeded to jog the six flights of stairs that led to her destination. I pinched my nose bridge. I paced the second landing. I descended the staircase and found Shikamaru hidden in the shadows, waiting for me.

He glanced at the ceiling and listened to Sakura's footfalls. They faded. The entire place fell into complete silence. He looked me straight in the eyes and frowned. "You agreed to this, Neji."

"Now I don't," I said. "Not when I've witnessed her break."

He reached for my collar but withdrew his hand halfway. He felt for the cigarettes in his breast pocket. "I'd rather she break than risk Orochimaru messing with her again."

I suddenly remembered the first night I spent in her house, when she was drunk and vomiting all over her living room. It hadn't been my intention to stay, but she was crying the one word that forced me to remain with her. Gone. She wanted to be gone. That was the same word I had meditated on while in the rehabilitation centre until Ayano's passing finally left my system.

But Shikamaru wasn't dead. He was alive.

How could she cope with the guilt and the frustration of the rebirth case, knowing that she almost caused Konoha's downfall? Shikamaru would not even provide her the chance to thank him for his sacrifice.

How pitiful my reasons were for wanting to be gone.

Shikamaru punched the wall. Mr. Nara entered the fire exit and announced that we would be late for our meeting with the Hokage. Shikamaru straightened his tunic and his sweater and asked me if I could carry on with our agreement. "Sakura needs a helping hand," he said.

"If you wish," I replied, but hoped that there had been a better answer to this.

 **Shikamaru:**

Lady Tsunade's office had not changed one bit. The monotony inspired by the ancient writings on the walls and the vintage books in the shelves aroused in me the various instances I had been summoned here for a mission. While we gathered in this room today for a similar cause, this wasn't one that would be recorded and stacked in vaults for future reference.

After all, the rebirth case did not exist.

"It's really none of my business," she purred from behind her desk, her claws damaging the leather cover of the book she was holding up. "But is it true that you waited for Sakura in the hospital, Shikamaru?"

My spine ached. I wanted to sit down and catch my breath. "Yes, ma'am."

"Can you please explain yourself?"

"...I didn't want to catch her off-guard with my sudden return, ma'am. Not in front of strangers."

"I forbade you from being in the same place as her without Kakashi's knowledge." She lowered the book to her desk and ordered Kakashi to step forward.

He stood beside me. "Yes, Fifth?"

"You knew his plan, didn't you?"

"Yes, Fifth."

She rolled her eyes and turned her swivel chair towards Shikaku. "I swore I won't get involved in your son's personal affairs, Shikaku, but you see that I have no choice since your son and heir clearly disobeyed orders. Or would you like to enlighten him again of the plan in the hopes that he'll listen with both ears this time?"

Kakashi elbowed me and murmured, "Isn't she supposed to be in a meeting with the hospital staff?"

I leaned closer to him. "Shizune took charge."

"Ah."

Shikaku flinched. "You may do the honour, milady."

Lady Tsunade slammed the book on the desk. Cracks surfaced on the front and chips of wood fell off. "Don't get me wrong, Shikamaru; I am grateful for your efforts at saving Konoha and rescuing Sakura and Sai, but the battle hasn't officially ended yet – not with the threat that Orochimaru poses on the three of you. I have to remind you that it was your idea to fool everybody into believing that you lost your memory due to trauma. Your cleverness is what led us to come up with the solution we'll execute; you can't go wayward now simply because you feel sorry for the ordeal you've dropped on Sakura. Yes, you love her and you will kill yourself again for her, but you can't show it. The second you proposed that plan, you've surrendered every right to be with her. You can't take side-trips to check on her. If you're worried, ask Neji. Don't you have an agreement? Isn't that why Neji's caring for her?"

I ran my hand across my face. I put my other hand on my hip. "I apologize, Lady Tsunade. I only wanted assurance that I am pursuing this plan for a valid cause."

She sighed. "Neji, how is Sakura?"

"She's recuperating," he answered. "She'll be well enough to qualify for mind infiltration. Her pathways do not twist when she sleeps. I check them every two hours whenever I am with her in her house."

Sometimes, I wanted to punch Neji. Doing so would be unjustified, of course, but totally satisfying. Until now, I never knew I was the jealous type. Perhaps I wasn't, and this anger I felt was aroused by the knowledge that he was the man with her during her lowest moments. The chance that she'd grow a romantic sentiment for him was immense. Nonetheless, the Fifth was correct. I had surrendered my right to Sakura when my plan came to life. Neji would be good for her. He could be with her. I could not.

"Let's continue," I said, cutting the Fifth short of what she was rambling about. "Let's continue, Lady Tsunade. Now that Sakura believes I do not remember the rebirth case, she will not try to defy your orders to have our memories erased. She'll be happy to undergo the mind infiltration, even. Were you really convinced that I'd meet with her for no good reason?"

Lady Tsunade and Shikaku shared a glance. Inoichi nodded at me.

Kakashi said, "I supported Shikamaru's cause due to my knowledge of Sakura's character. Certainly, she'll want to have her memories of the rebirth case erased after her meeting with Shikamaru."

Inoichi flipped through the pages of a black book. "If that is so, Sai, Sakura, and Shikamaru are ready for the treatment. All we were waiting for was the confirmation that none of the three will try to fight the mind infiltration. The last I performed this on an unwilling patient...well, you won't be interested in the gruesome details of his death."

Shikaku grimaced at him. "Thank you for the frightening prospect, old friend. That Shikamaru you mentioned is my son, by the way."

"I won't fight it," I told him. The people in the room turned their attention to me. I ignored them and added that this was my plan and I would make sure of its success at all cost.

Lady Tsunade massaged her forehead. "Sakura fended Kana while subjugated to a rebirth jutsu. It's likely that she can turn the tables on you during the infiltration if you're not careful enough, Inoichi. She mustn't discover the underlying truth of this plan. At all costs, Shikamaru. Remember that."

Nohara stepped forward and bowed her head to the Hokage. Her mask, a perfect fit to her face, disabled me from glimpsing her kind eyes. She straightened her posture and said, "Out of curiosity, milady, is there no other way we can neutralize the threat without subjecting Shikamaru, Sai, and Sakura to such a..."

"Cruel plot?" The Fifth finished for her. She flicked her fingers at the ANBU standing behind us. "Hiroshi, explain to them our reasons for pursuing this strategy."

Hiorshi scratched his chin, perhaps still unused to the mask. "You refer to our prior discussion, milady?"

"No other."

"A rebirth jutsu leaves permanent scars on the pathways and, probably, on the soul," he boomed, his voice bouncing off the walls and pinching my eardrums. Nohara and Kakashi ordered him to be subtle. The last thing we wanted was for the entire village to hear about the rebirth case. Hiroshi apologized thrice and continued in a hushed manner. "The scars, as I was saying, can be probed and exploited. In Orochimaru's case, he'll want to use Sakura – we'll focus on her because she was the original target of the rebirth ceremony and not Sai – to study his work and discover his flaws. She'll die in the process, of course. Worse, she'll be used against Konoha. Erasing her memories may be the only way we can minimize those scars and lessen the information that Orochimaru can extract from her, given that she be successfully abducted."

"Her memories?" Nohara hissed, scanning the faces in the room as though to check if she was the only one who could not comprehend Hiroshi's explanation. Neji urged him to elaborate.

"Sakura was targeted because she was the perfect vessel for Kana," he said, more to the Hokage than to the rest of us. "The Uchiha boy disclosed information regarding Sakura's childhood, hopes, and aptitudes. Orochimaru and Ryo were satisfied of her similarities to Kana. It's the main driving force behind any rebirth jutsu. The Uchiha shares those similarities with Orochimaru which qualifies him to become a vessel. Without the memories, even the perfect rebirth jutsu can easily lose its hold on the vessel. That is why...Kana took me in as her...lover. She assumed that her infidelity to Ryo will strike as a glaring difference between her and Sakura. She believed that the Haruno girl is a faithful soul."

I cast my gaze on my feet – at my toes peeping out of my sandals. It shamed me to remember the loathing I had for Kana. She had ruined her own principles for the chance of sparing Sakura from the completion of the rebirth jutsu. Should I seek forgiveness from this man? I gritted my teeth at the sudden thought that struck me. After Kurenai had used her genjutsu on Sakura, we had discovered that Sakura was actually merging me with Kana's memories of Hiroshi more than those of Ryo. Was I his reflection in the rebirth case? Had Sakura's affections for me mirrored Kana's affair with Hiroshi? Was I, through a complex thread of memories and circumstances, another factor that hastened Kana's rebirth in Sakura?

Maybe.

But it was over now. I breathed deep to suppress a surfacing headache. No use in dwelling on it.

The sight of Kakashi's trembling fist forced me to look at him. "Are you alright, Kakashi?"

He flexed his fingers and folded his arms against his chest. "Naruto was right. He confided this detail to me. He suspected that Sasuke gave Sakura away to the enemy."

"I'll summon Sakura here tomorrow and tell her that she'll be prohibited from joining Naruto in his search for Sasuke." She brushed her bangs from her forehead and stared at the documents scattered on her desk. "I hoped I didn't have to. I can comfort her with the fact that no one can stop Naruto from his hunt. She'll have to rely on him for the hard work. Although I'm not sure she'll want Sasuke back after this."

"Thank you," I blurted and turned to Hiroshi's direction. "Thank you for helping us, Hiroshi."

He bowed his head to me. "Master Takeo would have wanted nothing more than for me to serve Konoha with my life. Your gratitude should be to him. He taught us love and forgiveness."

Lady Tsunade stood and declared that to those involved in the rebirth case, Takeo and his program saved Konoha rather than damaged it. We were all equally sorry that their heroism could not be proclaimed to the world.

"In the years to come," interjected Shikaku, "Perhaps the village hidden in the leaves can rejoice for your good deeds. Not now, but in the future, when another generation of shinobis are governing Konoha. You can rejoice in that." He stroked his beard as he breathed in the sight of the village spread out before us. He walked to the window and peered at the sky. "Kakashi, we'll meet with the ANBUs under your command for the security of Sai, Sakura, and Shikamaru during the festival. We must strive to disguise it from Suna, though. The Lord Kazekage may not be greedy, but I'm sure his older siblings will want Konoha to show its appreciation for their intervention."

Lady Tsunade plopped on her swivel chair and grinned at me. "It's not as though the riches they acquired from that Nara box is enough, is it, Shikamaru?"

Neji and Kakashi stepped back, leaving me alone to absorb her darkening aura.

Shikaku sat on the window ledge and pretended to have not heard her. After all, it was his fault that Aiko Hyuuga had loved him so intently that she stole that map for the sake of his reputation. Why was I getting the sole blame for the prestige that Suna recently obtained?

 **Sakura:**

In the afternoon, word spread that Shikamaru was back. Ino, having known the news beforehand because of her father, had revealed to us that she and Choji had already prepared a celebration for their teammate's return. She seduced Kiba, Lee, and Shino into helping her groom the flower shop; now those three boys were running around and enduring Ino's neurotic side.

I wasn't standing outside the flower shop, fidgeting, because I was considering the possibility that Ino still harboured feelings for Shikamaru and, worse, that Shikamaru would reciprocate those feelings. No, Ino had another man in mind. She hadn't honoured me with a name, but Hinata and I made a bet against TenTen that it was Kiba. TenTen's bet was the new Academy instructor.

I was confident that Hinata and I would pocket our reward at the end of the week. Neji had admitted to me that the new instructor TenTen spoke of was bisexual; the poor lad had not been able to help himself from blushing the entire time Neji was relaying to him the happenings in the taijutsu class he and I taught. Furthermore, Ino possessed heightened awareness of a man's sexual preferences. She knew that instructor was gay the second she laid eyes on him.

Poor TenTen.

I giggled as I entered the flower shop. Poor Neji, too. He was substituting for another taijutsu class five days from now.

Ino paused from scolding Shino and turned towards the entrance. "Forehead!"

"Pig," I greeted. Kiba and Akamaru made a face while Ino wasn't looking. I bit my lower lip to suppress a grin. Ino glimpsed them over her shoulders, sensing the backstabbing from afar.

I handed her the six casings of beer she had tasked me pick up from Leni's shop. "Do you need anything else?"

She adjusted the casings in her arms and arched her right eyebrow. "Why are you asking?"

"I think, Ino, that's what friends do when they want to help prevent the suicide of Kiba, Akamaru, Shino, and Choji due to your bossing around."

She whistled. Akamaru trudged to her side. She lowered the casings on his back and warned him that she'd extract Kiba's front teeth if he spilled a single drop of beer. Akamaru gnarled but obeyed. Ino frowned and eyed me from head to toe. "Do you think I'm an idiot? You're not trying to help us – you're helping yourself form an excuse to leave."

I slapped my forehead. "Since when did you turn into a clairvoyant? Is that a kekkei genkai Inoichi suddenly decided to reveal to you? 'Cuz if it is, it's useless. I don't need to form an excuse – Lady Tsunade made me take a night shift."

Ino tugged my braid. I screamed and grabbed a handful of her short hair.

"Let go, you hundred-pound pig!"

"You airhead, Sakura! I finalized the shifts!" She wrapped my braid around my neck and shook me. "The Fifth made it a point not to overwork you _or give you a night shift!_ So before you spit lies to my face, be clever enough to think about them first!"

Choji appeared behind Ino and untangled her limbs from mine. Kiba seized my wrists and forced them behind me. Ino shoved Choji away. I hit my head on Kiba's chin. Choji blocked Ino's path and tossed her over his shoulder. Akamaru parked in front of me. Kiba kicked the back of my knees and lowered me on Akamaru.

Shino clapped his hands.

I kicked Kiba on the groin. He recoiled, his eyes bulging and his mouth drooling. Akamaru licked his face, wondering what was wrong. Shino stopped clapping his hands. Choji lowered Ino and covered his own groin.

I patted Kiba's head. "I'm going, everybody. Goodbye and good luck with the celebration."

Kiba embraced my legs. "Y-you're not going! I will get back at you by interrogating Shikamaru with your _recreations_ in that massive house of theirs in the forest! I'll get him drunk enough to get rid of that amnesia and I'll get to you!"

Heat ascended to my cheeks. I grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled him apart from me. "Seriously, Kiba, don't do that."

He bared his teeth like a dog expressing its determination. I put my hands together and hung my head low. "Please, don't. It's not just any amnesia. Shikamaru has trauma-induced memory loss. He doesn't remember anything from that time last year due to trauma...in fact, he's just getting over the shock of Asuma's death. It will not be healthy for him. I'm sorry for assaulting you. Please, just don't put him through that. Nothing happened between us."

Ino squeezed my shoulder and murmured that I should go.

Akamaru ducked his head, all of a sudden, and our attention flew to the entrance. Shikamaru lifted his hand and hit the chimes to announce his presence. His eyes would not leave mine.

Did he hear what I said?

I bid farewell to the rest of them and marched past him. The burst of sunlight blinded me. I continued to walk, anyway. I shouldn't give him a reason to come to my rescue again.

"Sakura!"

I stumbled to a halt.

Shit. Why did I stop?

Shikamaru was panting behind me. He coughed. "Aren't you going to join us in a little bit?"

I pulled my braided hair over my shoulder. "Suna's arriving, remember? I have to finish my preparations. And-and night shift. Yeah. Night shift."

"Okay," he said. "Come by if you can."

"Sure. Bye."

"Sakura!"

I turned on my heels and shrugged at him. The dimness in the alley helped cool my temper. "What is it, Shikamaru?"

He diverted his gaze to his feet and back at me. He dropped his arms to his side and allowed a group of children to pass by before entering the alley. "You stole my cigarette, remember?"

I patted my skirt for the cigarette and stopped. "Wait, you're not supposed to be smoking."

"Please just give it back. I went through the trouble of filling it with Harini."

"You're still using that?"

"For sleeping." He glanced behind him for onlookers. "I'm serious. I need it back."

Sweat dripped from my jaws to my neck. "That drug isn't healthy for you. There are better means of going to sleep. Besides, you'll get addicted."

Shikamaru pinched his nose bridge and sighed. "Please, Sakura?"

The tension in his facial muscles alerted me of his dependence on the Harini. Just what had his doctors done to him, allowing him to rely on that leaf? Eager as I was to get away from his presence, I couldn't allow his possible addiction to continue. I'd already given up my happiness for his safety. I might as well make sure he'd be completely safe even from himself.

"If you really want it - " stepping forward and raising my arms " - then you'll have to search me."

Shikamaru frowned. He didn't move an inch.

I smiled, proud of myself. "It's not worth it, Shikamaru. Go ask your doctors for other means, okay? Oh, and if you're too lazy to visit the hospital, I may as well tell you that your case prohibits them from prescribing strong medications. You'll have to rely on therapy, patience, and effort. Your natural sleeping pattern will come back. So don't worry."

"Tomorrow."

"What?"

"I'll go to them tomorrow," he said and pulled me towards him by the waist. The air leaving his nose warms my upper lip as we stare at each other. "But for now, I really need that cigarette."

I clutched his shoulders but couldn't muster the strength to shove him. The lightness of his fingers over my hips and the weight of his hands as they fished my front pockets made me shiver. He refused to look at my face when he moved closer to check my back pockets. I squirmed at the knowledge of where he'd be touching me. The mere thought of his hand on my body brought back the memory of him wrapping me with a cloth inside the pond during the rebirth. It brought back our morning kisses and the absent way he'd pat me and grip my arm and cup my face... and of him tugging my robe off inside another pond to check if Kana had left me. I sucked in a breath and dug my fingernails on his shoulders. "Shikamaru-"

I felt him exhale against my left ear. He paused. His hand rested on the small of my back. "I heard what you said back in the shop."

"...Your brain blocked the trauma because you wouldn't have been able to endure it otherwise," I whispered. "It's not right for people to make fun of it."

"I'm sorry I'm too weak to remember what happened...between us. Whatever it was," he said. "I tried to, you know. Piece the evidences. Make sense of memories that do come back. But I'm convinced that whatever happened during the case should remain buried for everybody's safety. Especially yours. It's better off this way."

"It's not as though I can change that, Shikamaru." I scoffed and stepped back. "I'm a medic, not a magician. I can't bring your memories back even if I say you're wrong and I would have really liked it if you didn't suffer from selective amnesia. But you're right, anyway, so I'm going the opposite direction and you can enjoy whatever you have left in your brain."

Shikamaru nodded, retrieved a lighter from his pocket, and brought out the cigarette.

I pressed my fingers against my skirt to check for the contents of my thigh purse. I hadn't even sensed him move.

He took a drag. "You're right. I shouldn't be relying on this. I promise this is the last. I won't be needing this soon enough anyway."


	50. Chapter Forty-Nine

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Summary:** The rebirth case had finally been resolved. Danzo and Tsunade are cooperating to keep Konoha Council and the rest of the village unaware and unharmed by the secrets that nearly set them all on fire. Sai, Shikamaru, and Sakura were exiled to separate provinces in order for them to regain their health and to keep away from Orochimaru's clutches. After one year of recovery period, the three of them are recalled to Konoha to face the consequences of the rebirth case. Is this the end of their troubles or do they still have the demons of their former conquest left to confront?

* * *

 **Forty – Nine**

 **Sakura:**

I twisted the key. The knob clinked. I turned it and swung the door inwards. The silhouette of a man stood in the centre of my living room. Reaching beside the pantry cabinet, I hit the switch and the light bulb flickered to life.

Neji craned his neck to look over his shoulder. Strands of his hair dangled loose from his ponytail.

I tossed the grocery bags to the counter and bent down to undo the laces of my boots. "Are you tempting me to throw a kunai at you? Turn the lights on next time, nocturnal creature."

"I was attempting to use my Byakugan in the dark."

Kicking off my right boot, I said, "In my apartment?"

"There's a festival tomorrow." He strode across the room and closed the door behind me. "Foreigners will be arriving."

"In _my_ apartment?" I slipped off my left boot and stood so we were face to face.

He frowned. "Foreigners and enemies."

I lowered my eyes to the doorknob, and then to my discarded boots. "You mean Orochimaru."

"The Hokage summoned us earlier to discuss the security measures to be taken for the three of you."

"Shikamaru, Sai, and me?"

"ANBUs are surrounding this apartment building right now. Shikamaru will be returning to the barracks this evening because he does not wish to threaten the peace of his home, especially with his little sister and mother being there. Sai is under Danzo's jurisdiction for the time being." Neji latched the door. "I'll be your personal bodyguard from this evening to the end of the festival. Hokage's orders."

I bit the inside of my cheek. I stomped to the living room and knelt in front of the first box my feet led me to. "Lady Tsunade had no plans of including me in those 'security measures'? What am I? A damsel in distress?"

"You are a target."

"I'm a shinobi!" I lifted the box and slammed it on the floor. "I'm fucking capable of protecting myself!"

Neji walked past me. "For all I know, you'd engage Orochimaru in battle at first sight."

"I can fight him!"

He drew the floor-length curtains close over the sliding doors that led to the balcony. "You'll be giving him what he wants, Sakura. Don't be stupid."

I shoved the box towards the other boxes and stormed into my bedroom. Neji yelled after me, asking what I was intending to do. I stripped off my clothes, threw on my cotton robe, and opened the door to present myself. "I'm completely sane and completely calm. I'll be in the bathroom for an indefinite amount of time. If you're worried that I'll be reckless and escape to contend with Orochimaru, feel free to use your Byakugan to check on me. I won't mind."

Neji merely turned around and rummaged the grocery bags.

I walked into the bathroom and turned the faucet on. Cold water splashed against the tiles of the bathtub. The sound drowned the rest of the apartment. I could not hear what Neji was doing in the living room now. If I were to guess, I'd say he was sweeping the place of possible booby-traps and creating one of his own. I dipped my legs in the water. Enticed by the numbness it engulfed me with; I thrust aside my robe and slid my entire body into the tub. My fingers worked on undoing the interwoven hair of my braid.

I thought of my parents and the letter I sent them. Had it reached them? Was dad eating properly? Was mum overworking herself? I sunk deeper into the pool of water, wishing I could disperse and be one with it.

The rap on the bathroom door hindered my eyelids from shutting the world into darkness. I blinked at the transparent shower curtain and remembered that I locked the door. "What is it?"

"Are you...alright?"

I propped my chin on the tub's rim. "You've got to stop thinking that I'll slash my wrists while bathing."

"I don't believe you would," he said. "I simply wanted to check if you were alright."

"Neji?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry I yelled at you."

His footsteps drifted to the hall. "I'm quite used to it."

I allowed myself to be submerged in the numbing cold for a couple of moments more. Satisfied of the calm I had recollected, I dried my body and peeked out of the bathroom. Neji had closed my bedroom door. I tiptoed to my closet and hastened to put on fresh undergarments and a loose, green dress. Finished, I walked barefoot out of my room.

Neji paused from writing his report to glance at me. I managed a curt smile. He dipped his quill into the ink pot and continued to write. I walked over to the kitchen counter to sort the groceries. "Won't you be celebrating with the rest of the gang? They're all in Ino's flower shop, drinking and being merry. Everybody's sort of relieved that Shikamaru's finally back."

"I have already relayed my greeting."

I filled the kettle with tap water and put it on the stove. "It's really difficult talking to you when you answer everything so indirectly"

"Please do not argue with me tonight over such a petty matter."

"Bad day?"

He stretched his arms overhead and groaned. His ponytail slid off his shoulder and fell on his back."Eventful, not bad."

"You should go to Shikamaru's welcome home party." Grabbing two cups of instant noodles, I peeled the covering and poured the contents into porcelain bowls. "Everybody will wonder why you aren't there. It's bad enough that I went AWOL on them. They'll think we're together."

"Well, aren't we?"

I transferred the two bowls to the kitchen counter so we could see each other. "Together as in walking under the moonlight, hand in hand, and stealing kisses in the dark."

Neji set aside the first page of his report and proceeded to write the second page. When he noticed I was still glowering at him, he finally decided to respond. "You don't want Shikamaru to share their suspicions."

"Their 'suspicions' are inaccurate," I said. "Just go there and lessen the damage by proving to them that we're not sneaking behind their back or something. If you don't, we'll have to confront them with either the truth that I'm depressed and you can't stomach the prospect of my suicide or with the lie that we're helplessly in love with each other and you stay in my apartment three times a week."

"You care too much of what others think. Let them be. Let Shikamaru be. Besides, I do stay in your apartment three times a week."

"Geez. Rub it on my face, why don't you."

"Will you be purchasing a couch or should I sleep on the floor?"

"I still have the travelling bag from when I was a genin."

"Are you serious, Sakura?"

"What will you do if I am?"

He dropped his quill into the ink pot and sighed. "I am thrice your size. I'll be surprised if that hasn't occurred to you."

"Maybe you should sleep sitting down."

"And tempt you to crawl to my lap in the middle of the night?" He motioned to the kettle behind me. "I'd rather not."

I turned around to hide my reddening face. Taking the kettle and tilting its nose, I watched as hot water softened the slab of noodles in the bowls. "You're a big bully, you know that?"

"You started the bullying and now you complain. Your character constantly perplexes me."

"With no offense meant, Neji, but are you this kind to everybody?" I carried the bowls of noodles to the dining table, ignoring his stare as I distributed the eating utensils between us. "Because Kiba and the rest are usually scared of getting on your bad side," I said.

Neji tore apart his chopsticks. "I have a bad side?"

"You normally point out everybody's mistake and emphasize how miserable we would be without you. Which is partly true, so no one really bears a grudge against you."

"Haven't I told you that you sit like a man and argue like a child?"

"Haven't I punched you before?"

"You can try but you'll miss." He chewed a piece of noodle, decided it was to his liking, and ate the rest of his food in silence.

I broke my chopsticks in my first attempt to separate them and had to scour the box of utensils for the metal ones I always used. Resuming my seat beside Neji, I said, "You're lucky I'm saving my strength for tomorrow. But in all sincerity, Neji, I think you should take a break from babysitting me and just have fun with the rest of them. I'll be fine."

"I'd rather babysit a drunken you rather than a drunken Lee." He excused himself from the table and announced that he was making tea. "You're less destructive, anyway."

"One of these days I will get you drunk and make fun of you..." I stared at my food. The steam rose and warmed my face. I envisioned Shikamaru sitting opposite me and complaining that the soup took too long to cool. Why was everything so slow? Shaking my head, I scooped the soup with my spoon and savoured the taste on my tongue even though it burned. "But don't you want to see how Shikamaru's doing? You know, catch-up or something? One year is a long time. Plus, you said that you owe him for taking care of Ayano while they were outside of Konoha."

"I'm not particularly eager to be reminded of the rebirth case, Sakura." He placed a cup of tea beside my right hand, his fingers nearly touching mine as they released the china. "If you want me to see how Shikamaru's doing, you can just ask me outright. I hate it when people beat around the bush. We're shinobis not children."

"Will you?" I looked up at him, hopeful.

He sat down. "No."

"Why not?"

"I'm not in the mood to interact with him – or with anybody."

"Aside from me."

"You're my mission."

"Are you in bad terms with Shikamaru?"

"How can we be? We barely spoke to each other this morning."

I leaned back on the chair and folded my arms against my chest. "Are you in bad terms with him because of me?"

Neji sipped his tea, propped his elbow on the table, and inclined his body towards me. "Sakura, you can be too talkative sometimes."

"Why don't you answer the question so I'll shut up?"

"Wouldn't it be easier for you if he remembered everything instead?" He sipped his tea again. "I know that would relieve me of worrying for you every waking second."

"Did he really forget?"

Neji turned his head slowly to look at me. "Didn't he?"

"I'm not sure," I mumbled, stirring the contents of my bowl.

"What makes you say that?"

"Because I'm not stupid," I said, glimpsing him through the corner of my eye. "I checked your medical records. You didn't have the mandatory examination any time before and after you helped Ino take me away from the bar. You lied about having a mission, meaning you were sent there specifically to look after me."

Neji inserted his report in a large envelope and slipped it into this bag. "The Fifth has eyes on you, that's true. Any sane Hokage would. There's no offense in that."

I stood and walked into the kitchen. Finding nothing to busy myself with, I marched into the living room and kicked one of the boxes. Suddenly moving into my own place felt wrong. I wished I stayed in my parents' house.

Neji watched me pace around the apartment, his thoughtful gaze inspecting my every movement. I tossed my tangle of hair to my back and upturned a box full of books.

Neji rose from his chair and approached me. He touched my shoulder.

"Yeah, so the lot of you also think I shouldn't take offense if Shikamaru pretends he has no memory of me." I sat on the floor and ran my hand across my face. "That's how the Naras work. He's done it before and he'll do it again. But for what? Is he pulling apart from me to make us more difficult targets for Orochimaru to capture? No. Not if this is his only option."

"Sakura."

"I could be right, Neji. I didn't imagine the way he touched me earlier," I said. "Shikamaru wouldn't go anywhere near me if he could. Given that his lack of memories should've reverted us to our former relationship, he wouldn't even have…"

"You've created a conspiracy in your head."

"And I'm supposed to trust what you say now? How am I supposed to believe you after you admitted I've been your mission since the bar incident? Maybe even longer?" I scoffed. "For all I know, everything was an act on your part to get me to cooperate with whatever it is the Fifth wants to happen!"

A flash of anger passed his face, quick but evident. It was like a storm dancing across a field and disappearing without a trace. Just like that, his visage returned to that of his usual tranquillity. He sighed. "I don't use trickery outside the battlefield. You were my mission, yes, but it doesn't mean I don't care. I'm telling you to forget about Shikamaru because it will kill you if you don't. And I would protect you from yourself if I could, but I am powerless compared to your stubbornness. I do beg of you to please proceed henceforth without question. Trust me."

"You broke my trust, Neji."

"Sakura – "

"If you don't want me doing anything stupid, you'll tell me the Hokage's plan now. "

"The truth is the both of you remember everything." He paused to gauge my reaction and, upon seeing no change in my expression, continued to say, "But both of you will soon forget. It is the only means through which Orochimaru will find no use of you given that he successfully abducts you. Shikamaru simply wanted to ensure that you won't fight the only solution to this problem. Erasing one's memories is a dangerous endeavour. He doesn't want you to fight it. He wants you to desire to forget about him and live a life free of Orochimaru and the rebirth. Orchestrating everything to make you a willing participant to the mind infiltration is necessary for your safety. But as it is, I'm glad you're aggressive enough to pursue an answer. If you'd proceeded with the treatment bearing this hunch, we'd have risked killing you."

His relief startled me. It struck me then that perhaps he hadn't been lying about his interest in my recovery. "Are you going to surrender me to the Hokage now?"

"No," he said. "You're smart enough to go through with the plan without struggling to retain your memories of him. We're all aware of how far Shikamaru will go to keep you alive. Now I'm interested to see if you can compare."

 **Shikamaru:**

I knocked on the door twice. Thrice. When still, no answer came from inside, I kicked the door and yelled for dad to wake up. The offices in the intelligence division were designed in a way that forced entry would result in the clangour of the thin sheets of metal hidden beneath the concrete walls. That same clangour that dad hated now resonated throughout the corridor.

An ANBU emerged from the darkness. His black cloak swayed with the wind pouring in from the open window behind me. The two hollow dots where his eyes should be focused on my foot, which was pressed against the doorknob.

I stepped into better lighting and motioned to the double doors I had attacked. He read my father's name on the placard, nodded, and disappeared. By now, they should have been used to my methods of arousing dad from sleep. No one mentioned it, but he was the most difficult person to wake when his slumber was caused by fatigue. He wasn't getting any younger. He should start accepting his limitations and retire to our house before sunset. Mum needed all the help she could get with Yutsuki, anyway.

Footfalls from within the office fractured the silence in the corridor.

The knob twisted, and the door stood ajar for a couple of moments.

I used my foot to push it inwards. This was another thing I couldn't understand about dad. He bothered to open the door, but he wouldn't open it wide enough to invite me in.

Dad slogged back to his chair and picked up his quill. The candlelight flickered as I entered the room, casting irregular shadows on the walls. A strand of grey hair curled beside his left ear. He scratched the scar across his temple and pretended to be reviewing the documents in front of him. "How's the celebration?"

"Great." I plopped on Inoichi's swivel chair. The springs beneath the cushion squeaked. "I was a guest-of-honour-turned-referee."

He peered above his reading glasses to see me. "Who fought?"

"Kiba and Lee." I turned the chair and lifted my arm to show him my torn sleeve. "I was like beef strips between Choji's canines. Unforgiving. I thought I would die. Somebody keeps on adding sake in Lee's drink. We can't guess who."

Dad smirked. He ripped open a brown envelope and spilled its contents on his desk. "Inoichi used to do that to me."

"Slip sake in your drink?"

"No..." He cleared his throat. "Something that caused me to go wild and end up suspended for two months."

" _Two months_?"

"Yes."

I glanced at the photo sitting on the corner of Inoichi's desk. He donned that fatherly grin, his arms wrapped around the shoulders of a ten year old Ino. "I always knew that man is more evil than he lets on."

"That man saves my life time and again."

"What did he put in your drink?"

"Why in the world will I tell you?"

I stood, hands in my trouser pockets, feigning innocence as I strode towards him. "It can be like a father-and-son thing. You know? Our secret? The one thing mum's not supposed to know about?"

He put down the documents and scowled at me. "The province did horrible things to your brain."

I dropped the innocent act. "Spit it out, dad."

"It can't be our 'father-and-son secret'," he hissed, throwing a glance at the door as though in fear that somebody was eavesdropping on us. He straightened his pose on the chair and lifted his chin. "Your mother made that drug."

I stopped in the middle of the office. "Mum drugged you? What did you do to her?"

"You take your mother's side too often, Shikamaru."

"C'mon, dad, what did you do?"

He walked to the nearest shelf and took out three books with green spines and gold inscriptions. "I didn't do anything. Yoshino turns into a mad woman on the fifth month of her pregnancy. It was a new kind of psychedelic drug. She tweaked its contents and sold it to the Hokage. When she was pregnant with Yutsuki, she tried to chop off my beard in my sleep."

I checked the wall clock. One in the morning. "Will Yutsuki be fine at home? Alone with mum?"

Dad eyed me from head to toe. "You grew up to be a functional young man, didn't you?"

"What kind of assurance is that? It's a full moon, dad. Does mum go crazy on full moons?"

The movements of his hand slowed. The quill spilled ink on the paper. The ink swelled and sank. He dropped the quill into the ink pot, removed his reading glasses, and smiled at me. "Seriously, though, you did grow up to be greater than the man Yoshino and I prayed you would be."

I felt myself smile back at him. The tightness in my chest alleviated and was replaced by a swarm of locusts, nipping at my innards, pumping bile up my throat. I swallowed to suppress the nausea. "You really believe that?"

He leaned back on his chair, his fingers intertwined above his stomach. "You're uncertain if you made the correct decision regarding Sakura."

"...Is it so obvious?"

"What you're feeling, son...it's normal."

"How can you possibly know?"

"We let go when it's time to let go," he murmured, his voice tempered to suit the melody that the wind and the trees and the crickets sang outside. "We do the right thing for the woman we love, even if it means losing a huge part of our soul. Don't think that love is unjustified by youth. Very few shinobis of your age and rank can do the things you did for Sakura. You should be satisfied with the fact that you did well...and are doing well by pursuing this plan."

I turned my back on him. My shadow stretched before me; an expanse of black against the orange illumination across the floor. I wondered how a shadow could have a soul, more so lose a part of it to a woman so alive and beautiful and...so _significant_ to the village. "In all honesty, dad," I whispered. "Are you saying that to me because you want me to feel good about myself or because it's the truth?"

A long, ragged sigh escaped him. "I promised that I won't dictate your life."

"But am I right?" I twisted my foot to his direction, hesitant to witness his reaction to my inquiry, and looked over my shoulder to see him. "Dad?"

"I can't lecture you about that," he said. "I did the same to Aiko, remember? I sacrificed my reputation and my family to guarantee her freedom from the burden that I was. You decided to follow the path that Shikame, Michio, and I treaded. I'm not surprised, really."

"You make it sound like a curse."

"We usually end up with the next woman we fall in love with."

"You didn't fall in love with mum until after you had me."

"True."

"I don't regret doing this," I said. "This is the only solution. I'm correct. Sakura's future will be better secured this way. The village needs her. She has to be strong."

"You treat her otherwise with this plan of yours."

"After the mind infiltration, could you...uhm, could you make sure that Neji continues to take care of her?"

His eyes widened. Wrinkles overlapped on his forehead. "Is that your wish?"

I nodded. "She'll need someone to fall back on. Neji understands the situation better than any of our other friends does. Did you know that he denied having a relationship with Ayano because she ordered him to? She didn't want people talking about them. Still, he found ways to spend time with her and strengthen their bond. He endured Ayano. He meant well for her. You saw how mad Neji was at me earlier. He'll do more for Sakura. He will."

Dad walked over to me and slapped my back. I stumbled forward and grabbed the nearest chair to regain my footing. He put his hands on his waist and looked down at me. "You want my honest opinion? I think you're giving up too soon. You're not going to die when your memories are erased, son. You're being given a fresh chance to form a bond with her that is not based on the uncertainties of the rebirth case. Of course, you'll be safer away from each other, but nobody said that Orochimaru's schemes will last forever. This will end, and I'm convinced that you'll regret it if you give up on her too soon."

"It's been a year, dad!"

"So what?"

I clutched the backrest of the chair, deeply stung by his words.

 _So what?_

He scoffed. "One year can change people, but it takes longer than that to change the heart. It's lame, you don't have to tell me, but it's true. Besides, Sakura's the reason you stopped smoking."

I felt for the cigarettes on my breast pocket. "I never stopped," I grumbled.

"You did." He motioned to my trouser pocket where a lighter was hiding. "You haven't smoked a single cigarette in the last three months. We bring you back here in this village, and the very horror of meeting her again and confronting her with your plan awakens your cravings."

The last three months. Those were the months I spent overcoming the trauma and recovering my memories. They said I shouldn't have tried so hard, and I retorted that if I forgot about Sakura, no one would fight the battle with her. Orochimaru posed a threat so severe that he could consume her in a blink of an eye. I'd torture myself with the memories if it meant I could resume my post as her protector...a man by her side to take the blow for her.

That man could no longer be me; however I was content with being in the shadows. I was a Nara. This was my specialty.

I chuckled. "Well, dad, it's too late to retrace my steps. I can't go to her apartment at one o'clock in the fucking morning and tell her that I hit my head and the memories are suddenly back. I remember you, Sakura. I stabbed my gut for you. We spent several weeks stranded in my family's forest lodging and halfway through the rebirth case, I fell in love with you. Please don't tear my spine when I confess that I lied to you about losing my memories because I can't stand to see...to see you...no, to hear you say that you don't give a fuck about what happened. It's best to assume that nothing happened at all. There. That's your son and heir – a coward and a fool to believe that I can return and things will unfold the way they usually do when a man saves a woman. Hey, it also helps that I can't form a decent shadow binding jutsu and my ninja skills barely qualify for genin level. I constantly drop my chopsticks while eating and collapse without warning. Sorry, Sakura, but I can't throw a kunai at the enemy for you. I'm useless scraps of the Shikamaru you knew. Fuck. The province did toy with my brain if I'm telling you all these shit."

Shikaku took his glass of water and offered it to me. "Drink. You look miserable."

"Thanks, dad." I wrapped my hands around the cup. The cup slipped from my grasp. It shattered on the floor, the shards skidding in all directions. My hands remained in mid-air, frozen and unfeeling.

Dad dragged a chair behind me and pushed me down to sit. I flung my arm and hit his chest. He doubled backwards and fell. I slammed my hands against his desk over and over and over, hoping they would feel again. Feel something. Feel something.

Anything. Even just pain.

 **Shikaku:**

His whimpers and his desperation and his outburst became too much for me to endure, but I endured them. This was better than to have him contain his emotions. This was improvement, I thought. At least now, he trusted me enough to show me that my son was young and in need of a father.

He was so much better now compared to when Asuma died.

I rose from the floor and went to the door to lock it. Nobody else had to see him this way.

 **Sakura:**

I breathed in and out. Nohara transferred the stethoscope to my back. The sleeves of her blue kimono draped over my shoulders when she clasped my jaws to steady my head. I mentioned that I was happy to see her again, but could she please be gentle on me? I hardly slept. "I can't exactly call that sleeping, either. I think I damaged my senses overnight," I said.

Neji opened a window, allowing the noise in the streets to pierce the looming monotony in my apartment. A burst of white light blurred him from view. Only his black uniform assured me he was still standing there. He slapped the base of his spine and winced. "I've never been so uncomfortable in my life."

"I told you to use the travel bag."

He rotated his head clockwise. "I'm going to pretend you never suggested that."

"I threw an extra pillow at you."

"I was already asleep," he said. "Asleep and uncomfortable."

"At least you fell asleep. Are my eyes bloodshot, Nohara?"

She resumed her seat in front of me. She folded my sleeve up to my elbow and flattened her palm on my forearm. "Slightly, although I wouldn't notice them from afar. Next time, don't fool around with a Hyuuga before a big event."

Neji and I sighed in chorus.

"We're not sleeping together," I said, for what seemed like the hundredth time in two weeks. "We're friends. Good friends. Can we please focus on my check up, Nohara?"

She placed two of her fingers below my jaw. "You're fine. Your response to the medicine is excellent. Shizune will supply you with this drug every seven days. Inject it two times a day; one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Never at night. You'll be too giddy to sleep."

"I need sleep," I said as I studied the tiny, glass bottles she aligned on my dining table. Sometimes I wondered why I took up this profession. An ordinary shinobi carried the responsibility of launching the offense and defence. Medics had to watch the dying die. We had to confront life and death in all its forms on a daily basis. Surprisingly, this was the first time I realized this haunting truth.

Nohara kissed my forehead. "I'm leaving, sweetheart. You'll be a great success today."

I embraced her waist and mumbled that I would miss her. I didn't care that I sounded like a child. She was the closest to a kin I ever had. Naruto belonged to an entirely different league, of course. He was Naruto, and no one could compare to that idiot friend of mine.

Nohara removed her dragonfly hairpin and used it to keep my bangs off my face. "There. So the dullness of your uniform won't affect your performance. It's a special day for such a young kunoichi. We're all very proud of you."

From my peripheral view, I noticed Neji watching me. He had on that expectant gaze, although I couldn't gauge exactly what he expected from me. We had discussed this last night, and tried as I might to get a shut eye and abandon my anxieties, I could not. The dread of confronting the truth nagged me until I conceded to dwell on them in a never-ending loop.

At four in the morning, Neji finally reached the pinnacle of his patience and jabbed my nape to help me sleep. I had woken up two hours later and saw his unconscious body leaning against the side of my bed, his knee pulled up to his chest and his head flung over his right shoulder.

He must have been watching over me the entire time.

He must have tried to suppress his fears as well; fears mainly driven by my inability to remain calm and clever in matters that involved the heart. Now the expectancy in his gaze warned me to keep our secret a secret.

Nohara rounded my chair and announced that she was leaving.

An image of her and Kakashi on the front porch of the provincial house occurred to me out of the blue and I twisted on the chair, her name on the tip of my tongue. A gush of wind passed my face. I blinked and scanned the living room. She had gone too fast.

"She's ANBU," Neji said. "You ought to stop getting startled."

I collected his chuunin vest from the kitchen counter and approached him. He sidestepped to share the window with me. His hair, free from its usual ponytail, flew to my cheek and tickled it. Noticing me evade his hair, he swept it over his opposite shoulder.

"It's so nice to see the village busy," I said. "The fireworks display should be the best tonight. TenTen helped the pyrotechnicians complete their work, didn't she?"

He rubbed the underside of his left eye and yawned. "She's been gloating about that newly acquired skill of hers. Pyrotechnic. If she uses that in the battlefield, I will hide under the earth."

"That will be quite the sight."

"Do you want to watch the fireworks tonight?"

"Sure."

"We can see it better from the farmer's district." He made round motions with his hand. "There's a circular plateau behind Mr. Kishimoto's barn. He lets me train there on days when I have to meditate for hours. If you lie on your back in the late afternoon, you can watch the sky turn from blue to pink to orange and then to a deep blue...the most beautiful part is the transition to black. Words cannot give justice to its splendour. Although, I suppose it won't be safe to bring you there this evening."

I waved at Mr. Miyazaki, my landlord. He raised his cane and waved it in the air. "But tonight is perfect if we're going to watch the fireworks," I said.

"That worries me. Loud noises. Distracted people." He looked down at me, as though imagining me gone from his side. "The perfect opportunity to abduct you."

I dared to look him in the eyes. "Why don't you suggest they erase my memories this morning? You didn't have to wait this long to do it."

"You promised me last night you will cooperate. We're all making this easier for you, if you haven't noticed."

"I won't be reckless," I said. "And I'm sorry. I'm trying to be normal with you but it's difficult."

"It's alright. If I estimated correctly, even your memories of spending time with me will be erased. We'll be back to normal soon enough."

A crackle of laughter below us stole our attention. Mr. Miyazaki had bumped into a lamp post and was apologizing to it, mistaking the solid concrete for a human. Our neighbours enjoyed the scene before enlightening him of the fact that it was actually an inanimate object that he hurt.

Neji's frown turned into a smile. I passed him his chuunin vest. Beneath the stiff fabric, our hands touched. The heat of his skin spread through mine. I slipped my hand away, slowly. He paused for a moment and then unfastened the buckles of the vest. Slipping it on and zipping up the inner portion, he fastened the buckles and stole a glance at me.

"I hope against an attack. The last we need is Orochimaru in the same place as Konoha and Suna."

"Who is heading our security?"

"Mr. Nara is," he said. "Kakashi has Nohara and Captain Yamato under his command."

"I'm guessing you answer to Nohara."

"Yes."

"Captain Yamato will be Shikamaru's bodyguard, then."

He tightened the knot of the straps at the side of his vest. "No. The captain will be overseeing the grounds and will be acting as our immediate defence. Kakashi has volunteered to be Shikamaru's bodyguard. The Hokage has increased the possibility that Orochimaru will target him. We function on the hierarchy of action with you as top priority, Shikamaru second, and Sai last. Although, Sai is out of our jurisdiction, really. Danzo is responsible for whatever happens to him."

I sat on the window ledge and fiddled with the tip of the curtain. My fingers itched to grab hold of an object and pitch it as far as it would go. But I shouldn't show Neji the anxiety sticking to the lining of my stomach and weakening my sense of stability. A kunoichi shouldn't be so shaken. "Why increase the hazard on Shikamaru?"

"Master Jiraiya advised Lady Tsunade to do so."

"But why?"

He pulled the windowpane inwards, shielding us from view of the village. "It only makes sense, Sakura. Orochimaru is weak and desperate and upset at the loss of Takeo's program. He'll target the least person we expect to be targeted – Shikamaru."

"Because he's convinced that we'll prioritize those who suffered from the rebirth jutsu."

"It doesn't help that Shikamaru's genius enabled him to disable an ongoing rebirth ceremony. Orochimaru originally aimed an attack on the Fifth through a boy named Akiyoshi for the purpose of discovering the flaws of the jutsu. Since she's Hokage now and impossible to capture – "

"He wants Shikamaru." I rubbed my hands together to regain their warmth. "Another reason why he decided to pretend that he hasn't recovered from his memory loss."

"Nobody can find out, Sakura."

I stood and paced the length of the living room. I stopped in front of him, my hands on my waist, my breath stuck in my mouth like grit. "The bigger risk still lies on me, right? I'm still the main target. Right, Neji?"

"Don't make it sound as though it's a good thing," he said.

I fetched my gloves in my bedroom and said, "It's not like I'll offer myself to Orochimaru to guarantee Shikamaru's safety. C'mon, Neji. Let's go. We'll be late."

 **Kakashi:**

Five children chased a limp dog into a pet shop, their bickering over the stray animal's health overpowering the chatters of the adults in the street. An elderly woman stepped aside to let a group of carpenters pass. Blue rope bound the timbers over the men's shoulders. Pinned to that rope was a note that read: FOR THE PODIUM.

I thought of Yamato. He must already be in the hospital grounds, waiting for these timber to arrive so he could create that podium. I pity the man.

A woman in a blue kimono exited the apartment building. One of the carpenters grinned at her. She nodded at him and walked to the middle of the street where I stood.

"Sakura's ready," Rin whispered. She followed my gaze towards the sky. Sunlight emphasized the paleness of her throat when she tipped her head back. "The forecast said there's twenty percent chance of rain in the afternoon," she said.

I stripped my eyes off the clouds and turned around. "Maybe the forecast will change."

"A thunderstorm?"

"No thunder."

She hooked our elbows. "What kind of storm would that be without thunder?"

I prodded us to advance north to our destination. "I feel there will be lightning. Something strong and evident and frightening but quick in passing. Something subtle."

Nohara pulled her sleeve over her forearm to conceal the ANBU uniform underneath her kimono. "I hope not, Kakashi."

We walked to the hospital in silence like normal people, living in a normal day. We wouldn't admit it to each other, but we both knew the lightning was on its way.

 **Shikamaru:**

Yutsuki Nara was a fat girl. Her weight numbed my thighs so quickly that I had to shift her position on my lap every five minutes. The both of us stared at the hallway, waiting for mum and dad to emerge from the hearth room.

She pulled her skirt to her mouth and dropped her head on my shoulder to glance back at me. Saliva dripped from her mouth and to her bib. I kissed her temple. She giggled.

This was our first meeting, but mum said that Yutsuki had been familiar with my face for months now. Mum and dad made sure she saw a picture of me every morning from the day she was born. It didn't stop her from crying when mum forced her into my arms, of course, but it did help make it easier for us to be comfortable with each other.

My baby sister realized I was the man in the photo; I wasn't a flat coloured piece of paper contained in a picture frame. I was actually a live human being – her brother, in fact.

She slapped her saliva-drenched fingers on my chin. I growled. She slapped me again and pouted. Splotches of pink erupted from her wobbling cheeks. She must have pricked herself with the stubbles of my growing beard.

"Serves you right," I said.

Yutsuki stuck her tongue out. My left arm weakened, suddenly. I secured her on my lap with my right arm and prayed that I wouldn't drop her.

Not now. Not now.

Mum stepped into the hall, donning her shinobi uniform. Dad adjusted the width of her chuunin vest while she checked the contents of her pockets. He produced a kunai and a smoke bomb and handed it to her. She inserted them inside the pocket attached to her right thigh. They spoke in low voices to each other. I couldn't hear them clearly from the living room.

Dad smoothed mum's hair over her head, frustrated with her protruding bangs as usual. She tapped her leg while she spoke. He made motions that hinted me he was briefing her of emergency routes.

They stood apart. He flexed his wrists. She bounced on her toes. He thrust the lower portion of his palm to her chest. She bent sideways to dodge the attack, her foot scraping the floor for balance, and she aimed her elbow at his jaw. He captured her forearm and lifted her off the floor by the waist. Startled, she flattened her foot on his shoulder and kicked him on the chest with her other foot. He doubled backwards with a grunt, never losing hold of her vest, and rammed her against the floorboards.

The panels split and crunched.

"Dad!" I transferred Yutsuki to the nook of the couch, surrounded her with pillows, and dashed to the hall. Mum's legs jutted from the hole on the floor.

Dad spun towards me and landed on his right knee, his fingers clasped together to summon a shadow binding jutsu. Mum disappeared in clouds of white smoke. Dad's shadow stretched past my feet. I turned on my heels with my arm bent over my face.

Mum lunged forward. Our wrists collided. The tip of her kunai pointed at my throat. She cursed and lowered her eyes to her feet where dad's shadow had bound hers.

"What the hell are the both of you doing?" I exclaimed.

"Sparring," dad said. "I have to make sure that your dear mother can still defend herself."

I put my hands on my hips and glowered at mum. "You were trying to be impressive, weren't you?"

"You rarely see me in action," she said. "Shikaku! Drop the jutsu this instant!"

Dad's shadow retreated. She lowered her arms and returned the kunai in her leg pocket, grinning. "Were you impressed?"

"I'm frightened."

Yutsuki's cry instigated a race to the living room. Dad scooped her up and asked her what was wrong, as though my little sister could formulate words and express her thoughts at such a young age. Mum felt her diapers. Yutsuki stuck her finger into her mouth and smiled.

We all shared a glance and laughed. I watched them from the corner of the living room, too ashamed to go any nearer. It was my fault that dad had to arrange a safe house for them for the duration of the festival. Certainly, they were safer with me out of the picture.

"Shikamaru!" Mum's face flushed crimson.

I cringed.

"Why are you standing so far from us? Get your lazy ass here! I'm not leaving this house without a big hug from only son!"

I dragged myself to her place and embraced her. "Mum, I'm not a child anymore."

Yutsuki nodded at dad.

Mum caressed my head. Despite her uniform, she still smelled of onions and rosemary and garlic. I rested my forehead on her shoulder. She ran her hand up and down my vest. "You'll be good, Shikamaru," she whispered. "You'll do good."

The beating of drums punctured the peace in the house. ANBU entered the living room to announce that Suna was at the gates of Konoha.

I kissed mum's cheek and Yutsuki's, too. "Be safe, okay? It'll be troublesome if something happens to you. Dad, time to go."

 **Tsunade:**

Jiraiya dropped his knapsack on the floor and sat on the edge of my desk. His white hair coiled on top of my paperwork. I rose from my chair and scratched my head. He sighed, rotated his injured shoulder and yelped.

"In case Orochimaru does appear, I want you to leave him to me," I said as I dug my fingers on the gap between his joints. The swelling of his muscles hindered my chakra from reaching the fracture. "Go to Shizune and have this treated. Suna will be arriving soon. I can't get my thoughts straight with you around, presenting me with more injuries. Shoo."

He gripped his shoulder and grimaced at me. "I'm 'presenting you with more injuries' because I need you to heal them. Now will be the perfect time to fix me. Konoha can't have its Hokage wrestling with a snake while they run around, screaming."

"That's what contingency plans are for, you moron."

"You won't be fighting Orochimaru, Tsunade." He jumped to his feet and walked away from me. "He's my responsibility. Focus on the village."

I looked behind me - out the window and at the village he spoke of. "We're not certain he'll make an appearance. We prepared well for this. Besides, you said it yourself that Orochimaru is weak. He won't be showing his face around knowing that you and I are in the same place. The Kazekage, too, will be delighted to crush his fangs the next he encounters him. It will be too risky for his liking."

Jiraiya marched towards me and flattened his hands on the desk. "It's going to be something subtle."

"Shikaku has secured Shikamaru and Sakura," I hissed, flattening my hands on the desk as well and looking him in the eyes. "We've got things under control, Jiraiya. You, of all people, shouldn't be so frightened of his threats. Didn't you use to tell me that this is exactly what Orochimaru wants from us? To worry to an extent of madness?"

"I hardly saved you the last time."

The door opened. Danzo entered my office and closed the door behind him.

Jiraiya straightened his clothes and frowned at him. "To what do we owe this visit?"

He slanted his cane, as though testing its strength before putting his weight on it. "Sai collapsed," he said.

"What?"

"He's recovered." He coughed and stopped in the centre of the room. "But he complains of a nauseating feeling that has been bugging him since he woke up at dawn to train. He mentioned a feeling...a feeling that there are too many eyes watching his movements."

The beating of the drums cut me off my response and warned me of Suna's arrival. The sound prompted a headache to overwhelm my thoughts. Slowly, I descended to my chair and tented my fingers in front of me. "Something subtle," I said. "He's going to attack, but it's going to be made against one person and that attack will be subtle. It's not going to be Sai that Orochimaru will want. No, Sai is just a victim of Ryo's reaction to the failure of the rebirth ceremony. Our major concern rests between Shikamaru and Sakura. Which will he want more: the survivor of a rebirth jutsu who has recently made a breakthrough in human regeneration or the saviour who managed to impede an ongoing rebirth ceremony and discover the major flaw of the jutsu?"

 **Neji:**

Shinobis from every military division were present. They filed behind the medics, who were given the privilege to occupy the front rows facing the podium. They fidgeted on their seats, commanders and ordinary shinobis alike.

Beyond the hospital gates, the villagers huddled to get a better view of the ceremony that would start within the next half hour. Children sat on their fathers' shoulders and pointed at the decorations that brought life to the podium. Mothers cradled their little girls and explained to them the significant event that would unfold before their very eyes. Teenagers put on their hats to shield themselves from the heat of the sun.

I blinked at the ground to vivify the images that the Byakugan were feeding me. Sweeping my gaze over the hospital, I scrutinized each patient who peered from his room. Were their bandaged limbs concealing injuries or weapons? Were all these patients Hidden-Leaf shinobis and villagers?

TenTen, Lee, and seven other shinobis guarded the rooftop. I withdrew the chakra from the ducts surrounding my eyeballs, liberating my nerves from the strain of the Byakugan, and assured myself that no threat lingered nearby.

I turned to the hospital's entrance where I left Sakura. When I found the spot void of her, I turned around to scan the place. Her pink hair caught my attention immediately. She was crouched beneath a tree, holding her head and wiping the sweat off the side of her face. She saw me looking and forced a smirk.

I hastened to her side. "What's wrong?"

"Hot." She fanned herself with her hand. "Sun's too hot."

"There's cold water inside." I studied the group of trees scattered behind us. The rays of light penetrating the canopy helped little in scaring away the gloom in this area. "Sakura, don't go anywhere without me. Do you understand?"

"I'm nauseous, Neji."

"Perhaps you're anxious about the ceremony?"

She shook her head, her bangs spraying sweat on the ground. "Too many eyes. Watching me."

"Sakura?" I guided her to sit on the ground and undid the first three buckles of her chuunin vest to allow her to breathe more easily "Elaborate. Who's watching you?"

"Too many people, Neji." She clung to my arm and squinted at the podium. "The sun's too hot. I'll be fine. Just need to rest for a bit. It's the sun, I'm sure. It's only the sun."

 **Shikamaru:**

Kakashi waved at us from the hospital gates. Dad and I walked on the path cleared by the sentries tasked to manage the crowd outside the hospital. I dipped my hands in my trouser pockets and cast my gaze on the billowing dust beneath my feet.

My shirt stuck to my skin with heat and dampness that gave me the impression that I was steaming. I swayed my shoulder upward to wipe the sweat skating down my neck. The weight of the vest tripled gravity's pull on my body.

A pair of hands seized my arms to stop me from walking. I steadied my stance and glanced at dad. He let go of me and asked if I was feeling alright.

Kakashi remarked that I appeared too preoccupied.

I swallowed to moisten my throat. "Fine. I'm fine."

We crossed the entryway with my two superiors marching on either side of me. I shrank in their midst, mentally, physically, and emotionally. These men were perfectly aware that I had lost my ability to defend myself. Perhaps this was the reason I hid my fists in my pockets too often.

Dad glanced sideways and pointed at the distant collection of trees east of the hospital.

Crouched beneath the shade of the biggest tree were Neji and Sakura. Neji had his hand on her back, as though soothing her of an ache. She held his hand like one would hold a kunai in battle.

Kakashi said, "There might be a problem. Sakura seems unwell."

"Hasn't Nohara confirmed her health earlier?" asked dad.

Their voices drifted from my consciousness. I whipped my head around me, searching for something that I couldn't define. My eyes darted from shinobi to shinobi, villager to villager. I turned and turned and stopped in Sakura's direction.

She was looking at me. She must've sensed the million eyes watching us.

 **Sakura:**

Why hadn't I admitted my fears to Neji? I should have blurted the truth after I saw Shikamaru inspecting the people inside and outside of the hospital grounds. He had felt the same dread that had engulfed me, and all I did was assure Neji of my strength and proceed with the ceremony as though nothing was wrong.

But something was terribly wrong.

Lady Tsunade slid the document towards me. I jumped on my seat, nerved upon remembering that I was on the podium, sitting beside the Fifth Hokage, one chair away from the Kazekage. Rows and rows of my commanders and colleagues surveyed my every movement. How long had I been staring at the table?

Shizune's hand appeared before me, a pen on her palm.

I inhaled and exhaled quietly and took the pen from her. She pointed at my name on the middle of the page. I made the first stoke, breathed deep, and continued to write my name.

Sakura Haruno.

Shizune collected the documents from me and walked to the other side of the podium. A Sand official received the documents from her and laid it in front of Gaara.

I shifted on my chair and glimpsed the crowd. My attention chased an invisible movement within the hospital grounds. I found Shikamaru at the very back of the crowd of shinobis. He stood next to Temari. They were discussing something, and Temari's scowl suggested she wasn't very happy about what he was telling her.

I gasped. The movement I was following had closed in on Shikamaru.

Lady Tsunade touched my hand and leaned close to me. "Sakura, you're behaving strangely."

Kakashi approached Shikamaru. The two of them travelled the outskirts of the crowd and joined Shikaku and Inoichi on the front rows. The invisible movement vanished. I placed my hand on my stomach. Lady Tsunade told me to drink water. I took the half-filled glass of water to my right and consumed its contents in one gulp.

Shizune and the Sand shinobi put the signed contract on the middle table and ordered us to rise. We stood as one body and formed two parallel lines to shake each others' hands.

 **Shikamaru:**

I informed dad that Temari had agreed to cooperate with our effort to detect any existing threat from Orochimaru. She was anything but pleased with the additional burden; nevertheless, she made it a point to congratulate me on my recovery.

Had Sakura thanked me properly for my sacrifice? I lied to her that our relationship was proceeding well.

Applause resounded from the crowd. The villagers hooted. The officials from both villages descended the podium. I continued to look at Sakura, hoping she'd look back and we could smile at each other and it wouldn't be such an awful lie that our relationship was proceeding well.

Her colleagues from the hospital shook her hand and patted her back. Kazuo ruffled her hair. She smacked his head and scolded him. Lady Tsunade rolled her eyes. Shizune laughed at her underlings.

Neji stood at the tail of the cluster, seemingly distracted by the noise of the onlookers and the interactions happening around us. Sakura strode past a file of people and flung her arms around Neji's neck, forcing him to bend to her height.

I tried to shift my focus but failed. The procession faded from my awareness. All my mind could process was her mouth touching his cheek while she whispered something to him. He put his hand over his nape. Sakura called Kazuo and they steadied Neji, who spent his remaining seconds awake clutching Sakura's arm and scowling at her, as though asking her why.

She backed away from him to let the men carry Neji into the hospital.

I broke through the crowd of shinobis and onlookers, their opposing forces reminding me of the pond water that hindered me from saving Sakura from the rebirth ceremony. I blinked and I thought I saw her with black hair, but the next I laid my eyes on her I had no doubt those strands were pink. I grabbed Sakura by the elbow to make her turn towards me. "What did you do?" I asked.

"We're in danger but nobody will listen to me," she hissed, careful not to look too panicked for the sake of the people watching. "I feel the enemy. Now I need you to come with me if you don't want any more people getting hurt because of us. Neji knows the plan."


	51. Chapter Fifty - What Could Be Our End

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Fifty**

 **Shikamaru:**

Sakura led me to the bridge that connected the hospital to the research department. The humidity of the afternoon air clung to us; its tongue constantly sweeping against our bodies and worsening the friction that had already sparked between us. We shifted our weight from leg to leg, quiet and uncomfortable.

Sakura leaned against the railing, her ankles crossed and her arms wrapped around her body as though she was hiding something beneath her clothes. The wind blew, sweeping past us in forceful waves and cooling the heat that had cultivated in our heads.

She tucked a strand of her bangs behind her left ear, glimpsed the garden below us, and lifted her eyes to my face.

It startled me, seeing how the green of her pupils reflected my image. I could see myself so vividly in her eyes that it scared me to think that she saw deeper than I dared reveal. She was so close, I could feel my body tensing at my eagerness to stay still.

Sakura balled her fist in front of her mouth, cleared her throat, and said, "Kakashi and the others are watching out for us?"

"We're safe. Now tell me what's going on."

"I understand why you had to lie to me." Sakura's gaze darted to the empty corridors to our left and to our right. She ran her hand across her vest, her fingers feeling for the contents of the pockets. "Shikamaru, I know you didn't lose your memories. I mean, yeah, you did, but you recovered them and you created this entire shitty plan just to... anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I know and I understand."

I swallowed and scratched the top of my head. "Let me guess; you harassed Neji so he'd tell you."

"I didn't _harass_ him."

"Then you threatened him."

"It doesn't matter how I came about knowing the truth," she said. "The point is you keep on treating me like a victim. No – like I'm the _only_ victim. You planned on shielding me all throughout the case!"

"It was an entire year, Sakura. All I had to go on was the urge to protect you. I had no idea whatsoever of your location and your activities and the people you interacted with -"

"You're scared that this is one-sided."

I tried not to hold my breath for too long. If it was to suppress my anxiety or to prevent her from noticing my attempt at drowning in her fragrance, I couldn't tell. "Apart from the tactical advantage of keeping you in the dark, yes, I was doubtful you'd understand the effort I'm putting into keeping you alive."

Sakura wiped her eyes. Red spread across the expanse of her wide forehead. "You didn't consider it a tactical advantage to find out if I love you?"

"Sakura..." I touched the scar near my belly button. I would always feel the way the kunai went through me. I would always remember how her expression changed at the realization of my impending death. "It isn't safe for us to be alone."

"But this is all we have left," she said. "They're going to make us forget. What happens to us then?"

"We get to start anew."

"We were barely friends, Shikamaru."

"Comrades – we have camaraderie as shinobis which is better than nothing."

"It's the same as nothing compared to what we have _now_." She touched her thigh pocket where her kunai was and clenched her jaws. "It's not that I don't want to make this sacrifice for Konoha but I wish – I just wish – that-!"

I glimpsed our surroundings. "Sakura, I sense something."

She stopped moving. "He's closing in on us."

"How can you tell? I feel a presence but I can't locate - " Looking down at my hand, I reached out for her and felt a magnetic pull that made my entire body shiver. What I once thought was mere physical attraction revealed itself to be a stronger connection between us. The rebirth, unpredictable in nature even to Orochimaru, could have a million side-effects on us for the duration of our lives. The science behind our heightened awareness of one another and potential danger – particularly people who had been exposed to the same rebirth environment as we had – could wait. This valuable discovery was a game changer.

"You're luring the enemy." I flexed my fingers and estimated the amount of chakra I could release, hoping my anger and anxiety wouldn't cloud my judgement. "You _planned_ this."

"There would've been casualties if we stayed in the open."

"Sakura, from what direction will the enemy be coming from?"

She pressed her lips together and kept quiet. She took my hands. Our fingers intertwined, slowly, cautiously; the way threads were interwoven to form a fabric. Her feet inched closer to mine. My alarm faded when I inhaled her fragrance. She trembled as she placed my arms around her waist and her hands snaked to my back. "It's my turn to save you."

The stillness of the bridge occurred to me at last. The darkness from either corridor had crept to the mouth of the bridge and isolated the light to our location. Dried leaves drizzled over our heads and spiralled to our feet. Within my chest, muscles throbbed and nerves twitched. I felt a presence lingering in the landscape, but I couldn't sense it as strongly as Sakura seemed to sense it.

I pushed her closer to me. " _Where, Sakura_?"

The presence flew past Sakura and materialized behind me.

She hooked her ankle with mine and jerked our legs outwards, causing us to collapse sideways. I reached in my pocket for a smoke bomb, but Sakura twisted and swapped our positions so that her back was to the enemy.

As we fell, I caught sight of a pair of feet and hands both clad in black. The left hand reached down and struck flesh – flesh that belonged to neither Sakura nor I.

We crashed on the concrete.

Neji, crouched beside Sakura's head, tugged off the hand on his neck and punched the enemy's elbow inwards. The crunch of broken bones filled the bridge. Kakashi appeared in mid-air, kunai in hand, and landed on the enemy. The blade pierced through his skull. The dead body of a Sand shinobi lay on the ground next to us. His blood spread like ink.

Sakura hunkered over me, using her body as shield while the scuffle ensued. Her arms served as bars above my head and beside my chest. "Twelve o'clock!" she shrieked.

Master Jiraiya soared in the air and landed on the railing, his hand formations quick and precise. He spat fire on the shadow of a man meandering on the outer walls of the research department. ANBUs sprinted across the rehabilitation garden and chased the shadow off the hospital grounds.

I climbed to my elbows and screamed as the numbing sensation ate my limbs. Sakura lowered me to her lap. Her tears dripped to my nose. She squeezed my arms and injected me with her chakra.

Neji transferred to my left side and told Sakura that Lady Tsunade was on her way here.

Sakura made no response. She put her hand on my chest and instructed me to take deep breaths. I was numbing because of the stress. I had to calm down.

Neji winced and peered at his neck. Kakashi tore the front of his black shirt and inspected the injury. Sakura and I shared a glance.

"It's a half-finished mark," hissed Kakashi. "Kabuto attempted to put a controlling jutsu on Sakura."

"Not me." Sakura's fingers recoiled and gathered my shirt in her fist. "He aimed at Shikamaru."

 **Sakura:**

Lady Tsunade slapped me across the face. Shikaku, Inoichi, Kakashi, Neji, Shikamaru, Nohara, and the rest of our team paused from whatever they were doing to stare at the two of us.

I held onto the railing for balance. A tingling sensation erupted inside my left cheek as the blood clotted. I clasped my jaw and yanked it back to its proper position.

"Take Neji to Room 4H!" She shrugged off her green robe as she walked past me. "Come with us, Sakura. This is your fault."

Lowering my head and wiping my tears with the back of my hand, I cursed silently and followed her. Shikaku and an ANBU hoisted Neji to his feet and assisted him in crossing the bridge. Neij looked over his shoulder to see me. I mouthed an apology. His eyes closed, and he fell unconscious. The ANBU tossed him over his shoulder. Shikaku let the ANBU carry Neji away.

Shikamaru emerged from Room A2 and marched towards me. Nohara scolded him to return. Kakashi seized her arm to stop her.

Shikaku stood between Shikamaru and me.

"We need to talk! There's something I overlooked!" Shikamaru said.

Shikaku motioned for me to continue on my way. "Sakura has to do her job. Neji is injured. You need to be treated this instant, as well. Return to the room so Nohara can treat you."

I stepped around father and son and hastened down the corridor. A tremendous flow of chakra emanated from the east of the research department. I ran from corridor to corridor until I found Room 4H. Two ANBUs guarded the door. They knocked a code and the door was opened from inside.

Blue smoke and chakra residue billowed at my face. I coughed and squinted at the murk that dominated the room. The door slammed shut behind me. My eyes adjusted to the darkness, at last, and I found Neji sitting cross-legged on the centre, shirtless and half-asleep.

Candles burned in a circle around him.

Lady Tsunade knelt on one knee beside Neji, two of her fingers hovering over the unfinished mark. The sting on the side of my face surfaced. I ignored it as I tiptoed towards them.

"You said this was meant for Shikamaru?" she asked, her voice booming in the empty room.

I sat in front of Neji and cupped his face. He was cold. "Neji was forced into this. I told him my plan and put him to temporary sleep. I calculated the timing. I didn't expect - "

"I inquired about the attack, Sakura."

"Orochimaru wants Shikamaru."

"You're sure?"

"I felt a presence during the signing of the contract," I said. "At first, it was lingering in indefinite directions. Then it started closing in on Shikamaru. I formulated a plan to draw the enemy out before he could pursue whatever plan he had for capturing Shikamaru. Kakashi and Neji were already on standby while we were on the bridge. Only Shikamaru wasn't aware of an impending attack."

Lady Tsunade sighed. She hunched low and punched the floor. The ground trembled. Cracks appeared. "I never should have agreed to deceive you into accepting our plan to erase your memories. But we had no way of guaranteeing that you'll cooperate. You'll fight it and then the entire mind infiltration will definitely kill you. What you've done – it increased the risk on Shikamaru's life, too. We separated you to guarantee your survival."

Neji groaned. I enclosed his hands in mine. "Hey, we're going to remove the mark. Lady Tsunade is just examining it before we apply treatment. How do you feel?"

"...You okay?" His eyes roamed my stature. "You aren't hurt...are you?"

"I'm fine," I croaked, suppressing the sobs that pulsated in my throat. "Extracting the mark will be painful but I won't leave until it's done and you're in a better state, okay?"

"Keep him still," said the Fifth. She ascended to her feet, popped her knuckles, and slammed her palm against his neck. I caught Neji before he could skid across the floor. The splotch of black ink moved inside his skin like a bomb trying to explode.

Neji's entire body jolted and he screamed and screamed until the mark burst and spilled onto the floor in the form of ancient scripts. Line after line of those scripts snaked away from us. Lady Tsunade summoned a jutsu. The blue flame from the candles coasted the room's circumference and formed a barrier that prevented the scripts from escaping.

The wetness on my chest prompted me to transfer my attention to Neji. Blood leaked from a gaping wound on his neck. I pressed my hand above the wound and discharged as much chakra as I could without tearing his flesh further. The heat of the chakra dried his blood on my palm. I murmured for him not to die.

 _Don't die, Neji. Stay. Stay._

Lady Tsunade assembled another jutsu that swept the ancient scripts into the barrier and electrocuted them to ashes. The strength of the jutsu disrupted my chakra flow. I placed my other hand on the wound to reinforce the concentration of healing particles.

" _Stay_ ," I breathed into his ear.

Neji heard me, apparently, because he regained the regular beating of his heart five hours later. The entire procedure that aimed to extract the deposits of the unfinished mark caused him his life three times. I pumped his chest with every ounce of strength in my body those three instances, certain that if I gave all that I had to give, he would survive.

The healing scar on his wrist served as constant reminder of his will to live; as I pumped his heart and yelled for him to breathe again, the memories we spent together swarmed my thoughts. His efforts to sustain my existence had been a reflection of his own effort to fend off his depression. He had triumphed on that personal battle; I wasn't going to lose him to a wound that I had trained several years to mend.

On the fifth hour, Lady Tsunade announced that he was stable. The medics filed out of Room A3 after transferring Neji to the bed. Master Jiraiya entered to speak to Lady Tsunade about Kabuto's assault. She fixed the tube on the inside of Neji's elbow that was connected to a blood pack and allowed the old man to peer at the wound.

He shook his head. "Orochimaru wants Shikamaru badly, alright. It was either he claimed his resource or killed him if he failed. It would help if Orochimaru would decapitate Kabuto for the disappointment. I'd say you made a good call, Sakura."

I mumbled a 'thank you, sir' and continued to watch Neji sleep. My head rested behind his hand on the bed, my legs tucked beneath me on the metal chair. I focused my ears on the drumming of his pulse.

Lady Tsunade told Master Jiraiya that they would discuss this predicament in her office. He should go ahead. She had something to talk to me about.

When the door closed, she sat on the edge of the bed and confessed that they had to erase our memories tonight. Sai had already received four doses of the drug that would support his bodily functions during the mind infiltration. He was ready to go first.

I licked my lips. They were so dry. "What if we fight it?"

" _You can't_ ," she said. "You must _not_ , Sakura. Both of you will be harmed."

"Give me time."

"Time?"

"Alone with Shikamaru," I said, looking up at her. "We need to say goodbye. We both want our memories erased if it means saving Konoha, Lady Tsunade. How many hours will it take to complete the mind infiltration on Sai?"

"Four hours."

"Who'll go next?"

"Shikamaru will."

"That gives me two hours more before you inject me with the first dose of drugs."

"Sakura." She glanced at the wall clock above the door. Her silence invited tension into the room. She hopped off the bed and grabbed her robe. "I'll speak to Shikaku and Inoichi about this. Shikamaru's in Room A2. Nohara is due to inject him with the drug in fifteen minutes. I bet he'll be demanding to see you right after."

I snatched her robe to get her to look back at me. "I...I know it's unprofessional to say this but...I'm so grateful that you were there when my mother couldn't be around to scold me. I deserved that slap on the face. The broken jaw was a bit overboard, though."

She smiled. She laughed. She pulled me into an embrace.

The next fifteen minutes couldn't pass quickly enough. I was constantly blinded by images of Shikamaru on the bridge, engulfed in the fear of feeling nothing. Our entire relationship, I realized, led to a recognition of our humanity. Beneath the intelligence and the ninjutsus, we were mere seventeen year old people, vulnerable to the joys and aches of the world. We had exposed our humanity to each other, and it pained us that the acceptance and love we had freely given would be taken away within a couple of hours. I wondered if I would be the same in the morning.

Neji bumped his knuckles against mine. I gasped. He smiled wanly at me. Colour smudged his lips and his cheeks, hinting me of his improving blood circulation.

"We missed the fireworks," I said. "Kazuo told me that it was very pretty."

"How are you?"

"I'm good. You?"

"Happy that you didn't have to go through this." He motioned to his neck. "Is the flesh rotten?"

Sitting on the bed, I adjusted the five needles inserted in his arms. "I did my best to prevent the rotting. You were an excellent patient – losing your heartbeat thrice and scaring me to death during the procedure."

"Well, all shinobis are bound to experience the dying phase."

"I'm sorry," I blurted, startling him. "It's my fault you went through that. Master Jiraiya said it was a good call on my part, but I realize now that I had been totally negligent of your safety. I didn't expect you to block the attack for me. I'm really sorry, Neji..."

He gripped my forefinger. It was all his strength permitted him to do. "You're my most challenging mission yet."

I glimpsed the wall clock. Twenty minutes had passed.

"Neji, I have to leave you for a while." I said. "There are some things I have to settle with Shikamaru before they erase our memories."

He remained expressionless, but the subtlety of his exhale betrayed his stoic act. He scowled, nodded at the door, and whispered that I should go.

I stood and pried my finger away. He wouldn't release me. We stared at each other. The truth crashed on me that instant. Suddenly, I understood him and everything he'd done for me these past weeks. The underlying intention behind his kindness rooted deeper than the Hokage's orders.

"Neji, I'm not going to waste Ayano's sacrifice," I said. "I might forget the time we spent together and the fact that she died saving me, but…I'll live. I'll spend my life protecting the village."

He chuckled. "I'll hold you to that promise, Sakura."

"Good. I expected nothing less."

Neji squeezed my finger and let go.

I crossed the room, twisted the knob, and pushed the door. The night greeted me with the songs of the crickets and the chill of the evening air.

The gloom of the corridor could not hide him. He stood out as a being too bright and too alive to blend in the shadows. Two of his fingers pressed a cotton ball over the side of his neck. I released the breath I had been holding in as I acknowledged the fact that the sand glass had been overturned and the sand was slipping. Time was passing. They had already injected him with his first dose of the drug.

Shikamaru seemed to understand my thoughts. He removed the cotton ball and took the first step to close the gap between us. I broke into a sprint. The seconds chased me, and I knew that if I slowed down even just a little, it would catch up and I would hate myself forever.

We collided, our arms enclosing on each other's body. The impact left us breathless. Our faces, our skins, our warmth - they converged and melted in perfect harmony. We craned our necks and tilted our heads and forced our lips to press together and our mouths to go deeper and deeper, as deep as we could go until we were soaked in satisfaction. I clutched his shirt. He splayed his arms on my back, lifting me to his height as though he was lifting a jug to pour its contents into his mouth. Our kiss emptied me of all coherent thoughts. I was the water he was drinking. I let myself be consumed.

He encased my face with his hands and kissed me, the urgency dripping from the tension that clung to the moment.

Another door opened. We parted. Lady Tsunade and Shikaku entered the corridor. Neither of them appeared displeased at the sight of us. Shikamaru opened his mouth to say something but was cut off at the sound of the footfalls on the bridge.

The clicking of Danzo's cane alerted us of his presence. A masked man carried an unconscious Sai on his back.

"Deep asleep?" asked Lady Tsunade as she made her way to Sai.

Danzo scanned the faces in the corridor before answering, "Yes. Start the mind infiltration. We can't waste a moment."

"Sakura's on her way to Room 5H to give Shikamaru his first shot. She'll be prepped in two hours." She gave instructions to the masked man and informed Danzo that she there would be a meeting in her office the next morning. He was free to attend if he felt like helping.

Shikaku called Shikamaru and pointed at Room 5H. "We'll be checking on you on an hourly basis," he said.

We bowed our heads to our superiors and hurried to Room 5H, grateful for the opportunity that our superiors had given us. I hit the switch. Shikamaru sat on the nearest chair. The bulb flickered several times before it produced steady lighting. I wrapped Shikamaru's arm around my shoulders and helped him recline on the bed.

"You have to be in a comfortable position for the drug to do its magic." I smoothed his hospital gown over his legs. "The next shot will be in seventy minutes. I'll just change my clothes. Don't peek!"

He covered his eyes with his hand and grumbled that he was not a peeping tom. Besides, he had already seen me naked during the rebirth case.

Changed, I climbed to the bed and took his hand. We smiled at each other.

"We've got four hours," I said as I lay beside him. "Four hours to say goodbye."

He lay on his side and tucked his arm beneath his head. We drifted into a quiet conversation about the year we spent in recovery. His stories triggered images that made me want to cry. I pictured him, sitting in an empty room, reading the letters he wrote to himself no matter how troublesome doing so was. He had expected the memory loss. Yes, the trauma blocked certain events that transpired in the rebirth case, but the medicines they fed him worsened his condition. His body healed in exchange for the names of the people he loved and the colours of the forest and the sound of my voice. Against the medics' wishes, he wrote those letters and read them three times a day.

Lady Tsunade had visited him once and admitted the situation. I was still in danger. He formulated the plan with Shikaku's help and burnt those letters right after. He had to forget about me for the plan to prove efficient, but the memories would not leave him. They were so real that a part of him broke whenever he was reminded that the words we said and the things we did belonged to the past. There was a big chance I would not feel the same way about him anymore.

I assured him that I loved him and chose to share nothing of my activities in the province. I wouldn't hurt him by confessing that I tried to extinguish his existence because I could not bear the prospect of his death.

Our discourse fluctuated from utter bliss to awkward silence. It struck me, later on, that all we could talk about was the rebirth case. That was all we shared. Nothing more. Behind our frequent laughter was the knowledge that we had allowed our oaths as protectors of the Hidden-Leaf to rob us of that one special and monstrous thing that kept us together.

Shikamaru gathered my hair in his hands and sat up. I suggested we cut it, and his smirk told me that he would love nothing more than to do so.

He bound my hair with his rubber band and slashed it with his kunai. I wiped the kunai and returned it to his chuunin vest, which lay on the metal trolley beside the bed. His eyelids drooped so low that I could hardly tell if he was awake.

An hour passed in silence. I kissed his nose and whispered his name. He only smiled and said, "Wait."

The door opened. I sat up and pushed the divider aside. Lady Tsunade showed me the syringe in her gloved hands. I bared my shoulder. The needle inserted into a nerve, and the sting it left me reminded me of my love for Shikamaru.

Lady Tsunade threw the used instrument into the trash bin, saw my hair crumpled inside it, and smiled to herself. "You did well in this mission," she murmured. "I didn't do the right thing when I was your age."

Shikamaru clutched my fingers. I bowed my head and thanked her.

She spread the division. We heard the doorknob click.

"Pen," he croaked. "Find pen."

"What for?"

"Pen."

I waddled to the nurse's station, dizzied by the drug now, and returned to the bed with a pen. He stretched his arm on my lap. Shikamaru panted. He fought hard to keep the drowsiness at bay. He had been fighting it for two hours. "Look out for Sakura. Write it."

"But-"

"Orochimaru will still be after us." He took the tip of the pen and lowered it on his forearm. "I need to keep you safe."

I shunned the objections reeling in my brain and scraped those words on his skin. Finished, I hoisted his arm up for him to see. He blinked at it thrice and shifted his gaze to me. I lay my head on his stomach and teased the laces of his hospital gown. He would not permit the drug to take effect until I was in view. I tapped his arm and told him to rest. This was okay. _We are okay now, Shikamaru_.

His breathing steadied.

I opened the jar of cotton balls, took a piece, and soaked it in disinfectant alcohol. I rubbed it against his forearm. The words turned into a blur of blue ink. One last stroke and it was replaced by emptiness. I lay beside him again and fell asleep not because of the drug, but because I needed to forget how much I wanted to cry.

Our time was up.

I awoke to the movements of the medics surrounding our bed. Through the haze of my sight, I watched them lift Shikamaru and transfer him to a wheelchair. His head dropped forward. His arms and legs dangled from the edge of the chair. Kazuo strapped him into place and wheeled him out of the room.

From my vantage point, I could see the view behind the blinds. The sun was absent one moment and present the next. It bathed Konoha with new light. New Hope.

Lady Tsunade's heels rapped against the linoleum. The sound ceased. She stood behind me.

I absorbed the sun in my memory, holding onto the image as the shadow of sleep engulfed its light. Before the orange of the sun – the same orange that I had only seen from the dying cigarette between Shikamaru's lips – fizzled out, I assured myself that I would remember last night for the rest of my life.

"I'm ready," I told her.


	52. Epilogue

**My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head**

 **Epilogue**

 **Tsunade:**

"Whatever happens, our priority is to keep Sakura out of Orochimaru's reach and to discover what he wants with Shikamaru," I said to my team and checked the clock again to count the number of minutes left before Inoichi was done with Sakura. We couldn't afford to waste time – the second Sakura's mind was infiltrated I gathered Shikaku, Kakashi, Nohara, and Jiraiya to discuss our strategy. Now we sat around the table, mustering the necessary energy to proceed with our plan to save the village.

And possibly our own heads.

"For the latter, I've asked the help of someone who has invested her time and energy into studying the Nara clan." I looked at Shikaku when I said this, knowing full well what his reaction would be at the realization of who I was referring to.

Shikaku stood. His chair nearly tipped over. The ANBU opened the double doors from the outside to let the new member of our team inside the conference room.

Sanae Fujimura stepped inside. Against the metal walls and dark colored furniture, her pale hair made her standout like a lamplight in the dark. I remembered the first time I saw her twenty years ago when we were younger. She had entered my workspace with the same air of superiority, locked gazes with me, smiled, and asked whether I was responsible for Akiyoshi's death. Not that she minded, she'd said. It was only a matter of knowing.

She rolled up the long sleeves of her black turtleneck as she scanned the faces of the people around the table. When, finally, her eyes rested on Shikaku, she smiled and said, "Hello, Shikaku. It's interesting, isn't it? The last time we spoke, you were on top of me with the intention of strangling me to death. I believe I told you then that – " pouting and tapping her chin " – Ah! I remember. I warned you that your son will be targeted for what he keeps in his brain. And you're going to come crawling to me for help to save him. It certainly took time but here we are at last."

I motioned for Shikaku to stand down, knowing him well enough by now to determine that his stillness could either mean restraint or preparation for an assault."You're here under my orders. Neither of you will bring up or act on your personal vendettas during this mission. Are we clear?"

Jiraiya looked back and fro Shikaku and Sanae. "Yep, I see the personal vendetta part. And it usually takes me a while to notice these things."

"Some truths are too strong to be hidden," Sanae told him.

Shikaku glowered at me but said nothing. I stared back at him to assure him that I wasn't changing my mind. I ordered for Sanae to take her seat.

"No." Sanae chuckled. "I'll tell you what I know, Lady Tsunade, but not all of it. Not until Shikaku goes down on his knees, crawls to me, and begs me for help."

"Sanae!" I was about to say something when Shikaku disappeared from my side. In an instant he was standing in front of Sanae, close enough to but not quite touching her. I hadn't even exhaled when Kakashi and Nohara appeared beside them and used their arms to shield their superiors from one another.

" _You_ ," Shikaku said, pointing at her face. "Can never save my son."

The doors creaked behind them. All heads turned towards Shizune, who came stumbling in with TonTon. "Sakura's been wheeled into the ICU. Sir Inoichi has successfully erased their memories of the rebirth case. I've also changed their medical charts as you've instructed, Lady Tsunade. They'll wake up thinking they were ambushed on their way home from a mission and had henceforth suffered from amnesia due to a strange ninjutsu used by the enemy. Everything's been set up to support our cover-up story."

Sanae leaned forward with a teasing smile directed at Shikaku. "It appears the party's started!" She backed away from Nohara and Kakashi and curtsied at me. "I'll be in my office if you need me, Fifth. I believe I should expect you to be knocking at my door every now and then."

We listened to her footfalls in the corridor. Kakashi and Nohara remained where they were, quiet and waiting for orders from any of their superiors. Jiraiya only whistled and said to me that I should have consulted this with Shikaku, to which I retorted that we were running out of time.

I slipped on my green robe and hurried towards the door. I stopped to take TonTon from Shizune and turned sideways to glimpse Shikaku. "We're all aware she didn't take advantage of Shikamaru during that festival. Not sexually, at least. What she did was experiment on his shadow to test its response when combined with other elements. Unless you can provide me with a detailed research on how your shadow techniques work to either break or support various ninjutsus, I'm depending on her to tell us what Orochimaru wants."

Jiraiya walked over to Shikaku to pat his shoulder. "She's correct. We've been too focused on reversing the jutsu that we forgot to pay attention to how Shikamaru actually hindered the completion of the rebirth jutsu. I'm not telling you to beg Sanae, Shikaku. All I'm telling you is your pride may be getting in the way of Shikamaru's future."

Shikaku's silence broke me, somewhat. This man who'd always been able to differentiate between right and wrong couldn't speak, not even to voice his own anger at how low life had dragged him down for the sake of the people he loved. That I contributed to the gravity that suspended him in despair made my guts turn at the notion of seeing him in Shikamaru. The years only made them more and more identical, not only in physique but also in their mental and emotional prowess. In my mind they were almost indivisible it still amazed me how I managed to betray one of them.

Isas pulled the divider aside to reveal Shikamaru lying on his bed, awake but dazed. He reported a bruising on the patient's fingers due to stress on the chakra channels. I handed TonTon to him and ordered them to leave us alone.

Shikamaru groaned as he shifted his position on the bed. I dragged my right foot forward and sucked in air, about to speak, when it crashed on me how scared I was of what I'd done behind his father's back.

Shikamaru pushed himself up and leaned on his elbows. He stared at me wide-eyed. It took him a couple of deep breaths to catch his wits and tell me something went wrong. "It didn't work. I-I remember everything. Lady Tsunade-!"

"We didn't erase your memories." I glimpsed the door before walking over to the side of his bed. "What Inoichi did was brief you of your mission. You told me Sakura can sense the enemy and so can you. That gives us the advantage of going on the offensive. The catch is only Inoichi and I from our team know your memories haven't been erased. The Sand shinobi who attacked you is one of the few proofs that there's someone on the inside working for the enemy. From today onwards, you'll be secretly providing us with intel regarding the rebirth jutsu. This is to prevent Orochimaru from getting the upper again."

Movement outside alerted me of medics leaving Sakura's room. She'd wake up soon enough and demand an explanation from me. I gave Shikamaru's prognosis sheet a once over and nodded at him. "Oh, and before I forget, you'll be working with Sanae Fujimura and Sakura Haruno in this secret mission of yours."

 **Kakashi:**

Leaves of green, yellow, red, purple, and orange soared above the stone heads and drizzled over our little village. They twirled by the stem as though they were dancing to a melody only they could hear. Gushes of wind descended from the mountain behind me and swept the leaves to the earth, allowing the children to play with them and the adults to enjoy the dashes of colour on the streets.

On the main road, I could see Konohamaru racing his friends to the Hokage Tower. His scarf flailed behind him as he ran. He bore no physical semblance to the Third, but the presence he carried possessed the authority only a future Hokage could muster.

I bent my knees and crouched on the slope of the Tower's roof. Naruto was a bright, orange figure emerging from Ino's flower shop. A bundle of carnations were pinned in his tight grip. He yelled a 'thank you' to Ino, who burst out of her shop and smacked his head. Naruto emptied his pockets. Ino scolded him, attracting laughter from the passersby, and pointed to her right – to the direction of the hospital.

Two blocks behind, the sliding door to Kurenai's balcony opened. A little girl with spiky black hair waddled outside, her skirt bouncing. Kurenai ran after the girl and scooped her into her arms. Mother and daughter laughed. Kurenai caught the green leaf that drifted past them and handed it to the girl. The clueless infant stared at it, twirled it with her fingers, and pressed it against her chest. Kurenai smiled.

Asuma's daughter would be a great kunoichi, I thought.

Returning my gaze to the flower shop, I saw that a crowd had formed in the entire minute that my attention had drifted from it. Kiba stole a kiss from Ino while she was arranging the basket of fruits that Choji was holding up for her. TenTen and Lee teased them. Hinata inched closer to Naruto, pretending to be amazed at the carnations he bought – or stole. Shino remained standing under the shade of the neighbouring shop, choosing to keep to himself rather than to join the riot.

Akamaru barked at the two persons approaching their group.

Yamato and Sai greeted them in their curt manner.

Naruto sprinted to Sai and showed him the flowers.

Sai, having read nothing about devious friends in any of his books, produced his wallet and gave it to Naruto. It relieved us that he'd recovered fast and was discharged from the hospital two days earlier than planned. Somehow, the sight of him moving and acting normally assured us that a mind infiltration of such degree could succeed without incapacitating a person.

TenTen stood on her toes and scanned the people in the street. She mentioned a name that made everybody turn their heads left and right.

Perhaps they were looking for Neji.

I lifted my hand over my eye. The sun splashed a warm yellow colour on the entire village, soaking its inhabitants with a radiance that I was grateful to witness. The sun inched to the centre of the sky as noontime neared. Skimming the faces on the streets, I finally found Neji farther west from where the flower shop was.

He stood in front of Sakura's apartment building, his gaze fixed on her open window. The pink curtain flapped in and out, as though beckoning strangers to enter the empty space.

He adjusted the knapsack over his shoulder and took a deep breath. He started for the alley that led to a series of narrow pathways. I traced the intricate zigzag of this maze he was walking in and saw that it ended in the alley beside Ino's flowership.

Who could have guessed Neji used shortcuts?

"Watching over the children, Kakashi?"

Her voice electrocuted my limbs, paralyzing me for the seconds that followed. I sighed so as to hide my surprise, and allowed myself a glimpse of her. She sat beside me, her hand flat on the roof and mere centimetres apart from my right foot. Her legs dangled over the edge. The wind teased her hair out of its low ponytail.

I rubbed my chin to hide my frown. Rin always had a way of determining my expression beneath my mask. "Just checking," I said. "After all, the Fifth has made it my eternal punishment to make sure they walk the correct path."

"Or you've made it your mission after the departure of the Uchiha."

"His name is Sasuke."

She turned her head towards me. Light entered the concaves where her eyes were. They were brown and sad. I slipped my fingers underneath her mask and paused, waiting for her to react. When she remained sitting still, I plucked it off her face. "There," I said as I placed the ANBU mask between us. "You're better off without it."

"I won't change my mind, Kakashi."

"I'm not forcing you to quit the ANBU," I mumbled, sitting beside her and letting my legs dangle over the edge, too. "The Fifth's offer to change your identity and put genins under your tutelage isn't a tempting offer at all. Walk the streets like a normal woman. Have men swoon over your beautiful face. Rent an apartment and sleep late. Go to the hospital when you're injured. Worry over the wellbeing of your students. Watch them sleep for the first time on the ground and tremble with the cold that they have never experienced inside the walls of Konoha. Think of strategies to get them to cooperate. Come to me for help. Normal living. It isn't a good enough reward after we've closed this case, is it?"

Rin hooked her ankles and peered at the ground below us. "And I'll become your second Anko, causing trouble and forcing you to put your hand through my chest again. You barely saved me. The Third hardly agreed to keep me alive. Being an ANBU is as fortunate as I can be." She looked down at her mask, and then up at me. She whispered, "This is enough."

I refused to look at her. I stared into the distance. "Is that what you really want, Rin?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

She motioned to Naruto's group, which was passing through the gate of the village hospital. "Are they allowed to visit?"

"Supposedly," I said. "Inoichi also suppressed their memories of the rebirth case. He couldn't perform another intricate mind infiltration to erase the memories of so many people. At least, all they remember is that Shikamaru, Sakura, and Sai were ambushed and seriously injured."

"The less people know about the rebirth case, the better, huh?"

"Neji was spared the intrusion of his memories."

"How come? Lady Tsunade failed to mention that in our meeting. I'm surprised."

"We need help in neutralizing the threat that Orochimaru poses. He knows a substantial amount of detail that will be of immense help to the investigation."

"I heard Danzo plans to help."

"He doesn't like other people toying with Konoha."

"Oh, I see."

"Who are those?"

I squinted to get better sight of the couple dashing into the hospital. The blonde woman and the pink-haired man struck a sense of familiarity in my brain. "Ah. They're Sakura's parents. They're back. Good."

"Have Shikamaru and Sakura been discharged from the ICU? It's been six days."

"They recently finished their last check-up with the Hokage."

"Don't you think it's sad?"

"Their amnesia?" I said. "It's for their safety. And Konoha's too."

"Such young people. Such big hearts."

"Do you think they'll end up together? In the future?"

"It's only right that they do."

"I can't say the same thing."

She snatched her mask and stood. "I'm going."

She was five steps away from me when I decided to call her name. "Rin?" I said again, wanting her to turn around for me.

Sighing, she responded with her usual: "Yes, Kakashi?

"Stay." I patted the space beside me. "Just for a while longer."

She resumed her place and hoisted her leg to her chest. Propping her chin on top of her knee, she mentioned that she missed the quiet moments she spent with me. So I chose to keep my thoughts to myself and to grant her those 'quiet moments'.

The wind continued to blow. The clouds continued to drift. The sun continued to shine.

Naruto's group was already crossing the main road and heading for the shopping district when I noticed them. Rin laughed and admitted that they reminded her of our younger days. Our reminiscing was brought to an abrupt stop upon the realization that Shikamaru was with their group. They slapped his back and made jokes, and I could almost hear him say that everything was troublesome.

I hunched lower to see the hospital better. Sakura stood in a circle with her parents and Lady Tsuande on the front steps of the main building. The relieved couple shook the Fifth's hand. Sakura dragged her parents to the hospital gates and waved at the Fifth.

"This should be exciting," said Rin. "Shikamaru and Sakura have no memories of the rebirth. Sanae wants Shikaku to beg. Shikaku wants Sanae dead. I'm curious as to how we'll make this work."

"At this point I'm sure of only one thing," I said. "It doesn't matter how. We just have to make this work."

- **END-**

* * *

 **Note from the person who uploads:** Thanks to everybody who supported this fic. It was a pleasure uploading this for your entertainment. I have my hands on the sequel but can't upload it anytime soon due to my busy schedule. It's shorter compared to this one since it's only meant to wrap up the rebirth case. Oh, and yep, since Shikamaru and Sakura didn't really lose their memories and (spoiler that really isn't a spoiler if you think about it) they'll just be faking amnesia for the sake of the mission, it's safe to say there will be a lot more ShikaSaku moments in the sequel. For those who've read the sequel before, prepare to be surprised. It's a bit different plot-wise but some of the new characters are still there including my personal favourite, Yei.

Kudos to us for finishing My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head! Until next time!


	53. Sequel for Real

**The sequel is out for real. Apologies for last time. There was a problem with the documents.**

 **Fingers Around My Toes has just been published. Go read, review, and enjoy. :)**


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